Without You, I'm Nothing
by Clare Mansfield
Summary: Remus returns from his trip to Hogwarts feeling desolate and confused. In dealing with his grief Remus is forced to face the feelings he has tried,for so long,to ignore and explain away the bitterness of years that have passed. ALL DONE XXX
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Remus returns from his trip to Hogwarts feeling desolate and confused. Snape's memory had more to do with Remus than Harry had realised, and now he finds himselfbattling with his own memories and grief.Was what Remus was begining to remember for himself, from all those years ago, significant? As Remus begins to reflect on the Marauders sixth year at Hogwarts he begins to realise just what it was that caused so much bitterness between himself and Sirius; and that maybe their friendship meant morethan Remus ever realised.

A/N: This fic follows on from themes and questions already established in my previous fic "Patient Potions Master." I don't know if this fic will be as well understood if you haven't read that one first...I think it definately helps with the reasoning behind WHY I decided to write this next. For those of you who have already read that fic, I hope that this one helps to clarify things further; and that this fic is as well recieved as the last.

Disclaimer: I don't own them...honest...so don't sue.

* * *

All day the threat of rain had hung overhead; all day the clouds had remained black with the promise, and yet still it had not come. A solitary figure can be seen walking through the streets of London, his eyes fixed in front of him, completely unaware of the sky. He passes shops and people and bustling Underground stations, yet his mind is somewhere else; he left his mind at Hogwarts, all those hours ago. 

Now as he walks through muggle London, oblivious to those who stop and stare at the man with sandy coloured hair and dead eyes; his unusual robes moth-eaten and worn, he hardly hears what they whisper as he passes.

It doesn't seem to matter now he thinks, walking out too soon in front of the traffic, only to be met with angry toots from the drivers. He smiles apologetically before moving on, ignoring the expletives that the cab drivers shout. Their words are pointless; they don't seem to reach him.

He turns down the alley way, the walls are sprayed with graffiti. Many muggles would be scared to venture here alone with nothing but the dim, orange street lamp to light their way. As if afraid, his hand grasps inside his robe, closing around his wand tightly; the feeling of it comforting him slightly as he walks. As he turns into the street which holds his destination, the sky begins to break.

In the rain he walks; a rain which softly caresses his tired face, drizzling down over his back as he narrowly avoids being splashed by a bus. For the first time in miles he raises his face to the sky, his eyelashes catching the water which is falling in mists all around as he inhales deeply. He knows he will be there soon.

He thinks and it appears, squeezing its way out between the two houses either side, their muggle occupants completely unaware of what lies next door. With heavy feet he climbs the steps and pushes the front door open and, without even glancing back, he closes the door behind him, and the house disappears.

Remus presses his back to the door and buries his head in his hands. Grimmauld Place would never be the same for him now; it had lost the only thing that had ever made it bearable to live in. Now he couldn't stand to be here; surrounded by nothing but cold, empty darkness. Sadness had fallen like a shroud over everything. Yet as Remus opens his eyes to gaze on the dimly lit corridor, he feels his heart lift as he sense him…his trace…his touch…in everything.

As he walks to the kitchen Remus knows that it will be empty; he seemed to be the only member of the Order who used Grimmauld Place now. Of course, it was still the headquarters, but after the events of the past few months many were unwilling to enter a place that had, if only for a short time, been the residence of the one they had lost. The Weasleys had returned to The Burrow; Molly had never liked the place much, and after what her family had been through she had decided that staying at The Burrow would be best. Tonks had been to visit more than the others; often she would turn up unannounced and scold him for spending so much time on his own. He welcomed her interference; sometimes the house proved too much; its solemnity was draining.

Remus puts the kettle on the stove and lights the gas with a flick of his wand, leaning back against the sideboard to stare at the wallpaper which is yellowing; the mildew obscuring its pattern. As he stares he once again hears Snape's cruel, hard voice in his head _Perhaps not…she was not exactly to your tastes was she?_

The kettle whistles and steam rises from the spout and without taking his eyes from the wall, Remus mutters under his breath in its direction, causing the water to pour into the cup he has set out; the tea spoon begining to stir. Snape had tried to hurt him…that cold, distant voice had said those words and it had worked. He had known just what to say to make him remember the pains of his past…the pains of years long gone. Remus sits down at the kitchen table, the cup hovering towards him and as he takes it he winces to hear the question Harry had asked him _I want to know Remus…I want to know what Sirius and my dad fought about that night…_

Suddenly the cup falls from Remus' hand and smashes on the floor, sending the light golden liquid oozing across the tiles. Harry had asked him and he had feigned ignorance…he had acted as if he hadn't known…that it hadn't happened. Suddenly, Remus can feel the familiar surroundings swim, his head becomes heavy as he blinks slowly, trying to rid himself of the black shapes that seem to float across his eyes. He hadn't even meant to do it he thinks to himself, rubbing his face with his hands, as he blinks again to steady his gaze. Harry had just assumed…it hadn't really been a lie…

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This is just a prologue of what is to come next, picking up on certain things which are raised in "Patient Potions Master". What do you think? 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: The seventies was such a great decade for music, and so I am going to suggest a song at the begining of each section that best accompanies the chapter. And the first one, without a shadow of a doubt, has to be "The Boys are Back in Town" by Thin Lizzy.

* * *

Guess who just got back today?  
Them wild-eyed boys that had been away  
Haven't changed, haven't much to say  
But man, I still think them cats are crazy

They were asking if you were around  
How you was, where you could be found  
Told them you were living downtown  
Driving all the old men crazy

The boys are back in town  
The boys are back in town  
I said  
The boys are back in town  
The boys are back in town  
The boys are back in town  
The boys are back in town  
The boys are back in town  
The boys are back in town

You know that chick that used to dance a lot  
Every night she'd be on the floor shaking what she'd got  
Man when I tell you she was cool, she was red hot  
I mean she was steaming

And that time over at Johnny's place  
Well this chick got up and she slapped Johnny's face  
Man we just fell about the place  
If that chick don't want to know, forget her

The boys are back in town  
The boys are back in town  
I said  
The boys are back in town  
The boys are back in town  
The boys are back in town  
The boys are back in town  
The boys are back in town  
The boys are back in town

Spread the word around  
Guess who's back in town

You spread the word around

Friday night they'll be dressed to kill  
Down at Dino's bar and grill  
The drink will flow and blood will spill  
And if the boys want to fight, you'd better let them

That jukebox in the corner blasting out my favorite song  
The nights are getting warmer, it won't be long  
Won't be long till summer comes  
Now that the boys are here again

The boys are back in town  
The boys are back in town  
The boys are back in town  
The boys are back in town  
The boys are back in town  
The boys are back in town  
Spread the word around  
The boys are back in town  
The boys are back in town  
The boy's are back, the boys are back

The boy's are back in town again  
Been hangin' down at Dino's  
The boy's are back in town again

Hehe well after that musical interlude, let us begin. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own of the characters or original plots. I do, however, own this story.

* * *

Remus ignored another piece of parchment which had been neatly folded and enchanted to flutter down beside him. He knew if he turned round he would see Sirius scowling at him, flicking his head in the direction of the note in attempt to make Remus look. Oh no, he thought to himself as he once again read the same sentence over in his text book; he wasn't going to fall for that trick today. Beside him Peter sat, anxiously looking down at the three squares of parchment that Sirius and James had sent, and, after waiting for McGonagall to slink off to the front of the classroom, he whispered nervously, "Aren't you going to open them?"

Remus didn't look up from his page as he replied simply, "I already know what they say."

Behind him Remus could hear Sirius and James whispering, their voices well practiced enough in speaking in low tones to avoid McGonagall's attention. Yet Remus, who was used to their way of speaking by now, barely had to strain his ears to hear James say, "He hasn't even looked at them. I can see them now…they're on the desk in front of him."

"Bah," Sirius said, his chair creaking and Remus imagined him leaning back and folding his arms across his chest, "He will look at them eventually if we annoy him enough."

Remus smiled at this and turned the page. Peter, who was becoming increasingly agitated beside him, craned his neck to read over Remus' shoulder, as if his text book said something that his own did not. Predictably another piece of parchment floated gently across the classroom before settling down next to Remus' elbow. Remus tried to ignore it, yet Peter began pulling on the arm of his robe as he pointed down at the desk. On the outside of this piece of parchment Sirius had written in his characteristically spidery handwriting; _just read the bloody note Moony._

Grinning to himself, Remus lifted the note as if he was going to open it; feeling Peter watching him intently, knowing that behind him that James' and Sirius' eyes were also upon him. Then, making sure that he had raised his hand high enough for Sirius to see, he crunched the notes, balling them together before throwing them across the room and into the bin. As they ricocheted downwards McGonagall started; her eyes immediately drawn to the four boys at the back of the classroom, who were now all studying their text books serenely.

"Nice shot," Sirius mumbled under his breath, loud enough for both Remus and Peter to hear. James laughed; however, his face completely immobile as he felt himself still being scrutinized by McGonagall.

"Better watch out Padfoot…he'll be trying out for Chaser next."

* * *

"Oh come on Moony…it's not like it hasn't been done before…" Sirius said as they left the classroom, his voice close to a whine as he carefully watched Remus' face for any sign of relenting. Peter scurried next to them, finding it hard to keep up as Remus attempted to set the pace, unable to avoid James and Sirius as they walked backwards down the corridor in front of them.

"It was different then," Remus stressed, avoiding Sirius' eyes as he walked a little faster. "I wasn't a Prefect."

"Look," James continued after throwing a glance to Sirius, "We're not saying that you have to have any part in it whatsoever…we're merely _suggesting_ that you just stand by and _let_ it happen…you know…and if anyone _happens_ to come along, you can perhaps warn us."

"I'll do it," Peter said hopefully. Sirius rolled his grey eyes before articulating slowly, "Yes only last time we left you in charge of lookout you got so frightened by the Bloody Baron that you transfigured…we couldn't find you for hours…"

James laughed, and even Remus couldn't fight the smile. Peter stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked down at the floor before he said sulkily, "It wasn't my fault! None of you were out there in the corridor with him were you?"

"Besides," Sirius continued, his eyes trying to meet Remus' who was very successfully avoiding them, "You're almost above suspicion now aren't you? Being a Prefect and all…I mean…I don't think anyone would suspect anything if they saw _you_ wondering around the corridors at night." Remus shot Sirius an angry look; Sirius smiled sweetly, pleased with the victory he had won over Remus' eyes. Something inside Remus flipped as Sirius' lips curled into the self-assured smirk that seemed to send most girls hysterical. It annoyed Remus that he seemed to be able to manipulate without trying; he knew he was charming; he knew he was attractive; he knew that he could convince without even trying. He was arrogant and he knew it, and that somehow made it okay. James was the same; he knew he was arrogant and yet this seemed to excuse his behaviour which was sometimes, even by Sirius' standards, a little extreme.

Of course, James was not nearly as handsome as Sirius, not that Sirius himself seemed to realise or care. Remus had never known someone to take so little care over their appearance; most days he would just roll out of bed and into his robes, and still manage to look infuriatingly beautiful. That face…that was so capable of the darkest of looks and lightest of smiles; those lips…that could condemn and favour with the smallest of movements; those eyes…that seemed to constantly mock all that they turned to, and yet managed to appear like they were constantly close to tears. Oh yes, Sirius Black was easily considered the best looking boy at Hogwarts.

Remus, on the other hand, was certainly not what anyone would call handsome. His mother had often said his face had "character" which he had always taken of her way of making him feel better about looking completely ordinary. His lycanthropy did leave him looking wild sometimes; his amber eyes were sometimes ferocious compared to the softness of his face. Often he was exhausted from his monthly transformations; his face was often dark with fatigue. Remus hardly ever lifted his head from a book; his complexion was often pasty and washed out. He wasn't particularly dark and mysterious; he was just fair and cold, often silent, distant, consumed in the books he read. He wasn't on the Quidditch team and so did not attract the amount of female attention Sirius and James did with their athletic physique and their dazzling ability to get anyone on side if the needed too.

But, of course, there was only one girl James was interested in and she had just appeared at the end of the corridor that Sirius and James were doing there best to block.

"Oh look James, there's Evans," Sirius said, digging at him with his elbow. Immediately James' hands were in his hair, ruffling it to make it stick up before he shouted to the pretty red haired Gryffindor with the green eyes, "Alright Evans?"

Lily said nothing to James, her brow furrowing in disgust slightly before she turned to Remus and said, "I've been looking for you. I need to talk to you about something…" She paused, noticing the way that James in particular was watching her intently. She flashed Remus a quick smile before continuing, "Come and find me later when you've got rid of your present company…"

"Can I come later too?" James pressed, turning his body to block her path as well as Remus', as he stared hopefully into her eyes.

"I don't think so somehow," Lily said, failing to be amused. James face crumbled as if he was hurt, and, after pouting stupidly for a moment, he said smoothly, "Oh come on Evans…when are you going to go out with me? I know you like me…"

"For god's sake Evans," Sirius interjected impatiently, leaning against the wall, "Can you put him out of his misery already?"

Lily smiled sweetly, yet her voice was poisonous as she said to James, "Don't make me hex you Potter. Just get out of my way…" Remus smiled to himself as he watched James hesitate, obviously trying to work out whether or not Lily was serious. Yet experience had taught him not to underestimate her and, after bowing low, he moved and allowed to pass. For a moment, he watched her walk away, his eyes scanning her body before he sighed, "You know…I think I'm wearing her down."

"Oh yes," Sirius began, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he straightened up, "Make sure you let me know when you set the date…I've been looking for an excuse to buy a new hat."

Peter looked at Sirius confused. "Why would you need an excuse to buy a hat?"

Remus sighed and buried his face in his hands; Sirius laughed and James reacted by clipping Peter round the back of his head with the words, "Honestly Wormtail, sometimes I wonder if you were dropped on your head as a child."

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I humbly await your reviews! Please. You know you want to! 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you to those who have reviewed here after continuing on from "Patient Potions Master", and thank you to those who have approached this afresh! I hope I am able to keep my characters IC. It's harder perhaps with the Marauders as most of what we know from the books is limited, and the rest is based on our own opinion. Anyway, the song which I would recommend with this chapter would be "20th Century Boy" by T-Rex. (No more lyrics as it's quite long! If you're interested and not familiar, go and look them up :-) ) Thank you to Smegan for checking things over for me xxx

Disclaimer: I don't own Remus or Sirius (sigh) or any of the other characters. I merely borrow them. Please don't sue!

* * *

The Gryffindor common room was completely deserted as Remus sat in the armchair before the fire; his legs curled round underneath him as he stretched out his arms above his head and yawned deeply. They had known ever since Remus had refused to read the notes that it was a lost cause; there was no way he was going to stand watch this time whilst Sirius and James raided the potions cupboard. Finally, Peter had convinced them that they could trust him, and all three had disappeared about an hour ago, concealed underneath James' invisibility cloak as they had climbed out of the portrait hole. They had left Remus completely alone; it had been hours since the last few tired Gryffindors had gone to bed and had left him reading, alone, by the fire.

After rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Remus blinked up at the large grandfather clock. It had just gone twelve. Maybe he should go to bed he thought to himself, allowing his head to lull back into the armchair, as he stared absently into the dying flames. It could be ages before they got back. Maybe they were hiding from Severus Snape, who seemed to always be just one step behind; huddled underneath the cloak, their backs pressed against the wall as the Slytherin slipped by. Remus smiled to himself and yawned again, allowing his eyes to close. He thought of James and Sirius desperately riffling through the store, suppressing their laughter; thinking of the possible potions they could make. He thought of Peter hovering nervously out in the corridor, jumping at even the slightest noise, his eyes scouring the corridor, narrowed in the dark.

Suddenly the portrait door flung open and Remus jumped, his eyes shooting open in time to see James and Sirius laughing uncontrollably, clutching at their stomachs before they collapsed on the floor. Confused, Remus looked to Peter for an explanation as he stood up, seeing immediately what it was that they were laughing at. Peter had turned a bright shade a green, everything from the flesh of his lips to his hair had changed, and he was looking decidedly miserable now as he looked at Remus and then at the floor. The joke seemed to be lost on him.

Flinging down his book, Remus crossed the room, stepping over the forms of Sirius and James (who were still rolling on the floor) and lifting Peter's face upwards to examine it better under the dying lights.

"Oh very mature. What have you done?"

"We…just…thought…we'd…try…a…little…experiment…" James managed to splutter between his giggles. Remus' eyes were full of sympathy as Peter simply shrugged. This seemed to be Peter's role in their group; the butt of all jokes. Sirius had stopped writhing and was now up on his knees, catching his breath and holding his sides.

"Oh don't fuss over him Moony!" he snapped impatiently, irritated suddenly by his friend's consideration. "He deserved it! Besides, it will wear off in an hour or two."

"I didn't mean to…" Peter began, his eyes imploring Remus' like a child's. "I just tripped over the…"

"Wormtail here decided that the best way to not draw attention to him self was to make as much noise as possible." James could not stop laughing as Sirius rose to his feet. For a moment, he looked angry as he looked down at James, his hair concealing his face and all possible expressions. Yet this moment of darkness passed as he rolled his eyes and, after smiling down fondly at his best friend he held out his hands for James to take.

"But still," Remus said, not noticing the way Sirius winced as he began to speak; patting Peter on the shoulder before returning to his chair. "You didn't have to jinx him did you? You know he can't help it sometimes if he's a little…clumsy…"

"Oh come on Moony," James said now standing, throwing an arm around Peter and squeezing him hard. Peter's green face grimaced. "Wormtail knows we don't mean anything by it, don't you?" Peter nodded, saying nothing. Remus sighed and opened his book.

"Not coming up then?" Sirius said, his voice had lost its previous lightness as his eyes remained fixed on the back of Remus' chair.

"No, not yet," Remus replied, his voice impassive as he continued to read.

"Come on Padfoot, he'll be up in a minute," James began, dragging Peter over to the stairs, one arm still about his shoulders, noticing the way his friend had frozen. Sirius turned to James, unable to help sniggering once more at Peter's green face.

"You go up…I'll stay with Moony." Unconsciously, Remus tensed. "You go and tuck him in."

James could still be heard teasing Peter up the stairs as Remus avoided Sirius' eyes when he took the seat opposite, loosening his tie before yawning hard. Sirius watched the way the firelight cast dark shadows across his friends face; shadows which made him appear more solemn than usual. He sighed dramatically, running his hand through his long, dark hair before saying with an air of frustration, "You don't have to stick up for him you know. We're all friends. He knows we don't mean it."

Remus' voice was calm, soft as he answered, "I know but sometimes you just take it too far." Remus had not lifted his eyes. Sirius let his head fall back as he stared up at the ceiling.

"Maybe…" he mused for a moment as if contemplating taking the point further. "But you have to agree he makes such a delicious victim." Remus' eyes had found Sirius' by accident, and both boys smiled. Frustrated at this weakness, Remus snapped his book shut, balancing it on the arm of the chair before succumbing…allowing his smile to consume him. It was impossible to remain serious for long.

"What did you get?" Remus asked eventually, his inquisitive nature getting the better of him. Sirius yawned again, ruffling his hair aimlessly before replying, "I don't know…James got it all…I think he's planning on swotting up on Potions to impress Lily…somehow, I don't think it will work." Remus smiled. James was absolutely hopeless at Potions; he seemed to lack the subtlety required. Lily on the other hand was marvellous; her talents were rivalled only by Snape's, who scowled, inconsolable, every time Slughorn praised her work, and forgot to mention his own.

"Did Evans find you in the end?" Momentarily confused by this question, Remus shrugged. He had completely forgotten that Lily had wanted to talk to him; he hadn't even thought to look for her in the Common room earlier; and now she would have long since gone to bed.

"No, I forgot." Sirius' face became mischevious, darkening as his grey eyes twinkled with mirth as he suggested cautiously, "She's quite a fan of yours, isn't she? You don't think that she could have a soft spot for you, do you?"

If Remus had been an ordinary boy he would have been offended; hurt by the suggestion that he could be interested in the one girl James was obsessed with. Instead he simply shrugged, swinging his legs out from underneath him before stretching them out in front.

"Not at all," he said matter-of-factly. "You know as well as I do that she only likes James."

"Hmmm," Sirius said darkly, before he suddenly burst, "I wish she would just hurry up and tell him though. It's getting on my nerves all this going backwards and forwards. If she had just been straight with him we wouldn't have had to have put up with his pining all these years."

Sirius was always straight. Remus had lost count of the girls he had gone out with; none of them seemed to be around for very long. He grew restless; they grew demanding; or he simply lost interest. Remus had never met any of these girls except in passing; he always seemed to see them when he was away from them all. Sirius never once tried to introduce a girl to the rest of the Marauders. He bought them up occasionally in conversation (usually to complain about how clingy they were getting), though never once did he seem to want to say what kind of person they actually were. It seemed that Sirius didn't really have a type; if they were pretty, female and adored him, he was usually satisfied.

"And besides…" Remus continued, interrupting his own thought process as he spoke. "I don't think Lily Evans would ever consider me as her type." Not that Remus minded so much; he wasn't the kind of boy that cared much whether girls were interested or not. He found it easy to talk to them; Lily and he had grown closer since the beginning of this year, and yet he knew that he lacked what Sirius had that made girls fall over themselves when they saw him. Remus was plain and distant, not brooding. Often more interested in his books than what was happening on the Quidditch pitch, Remus often felt uncomfortable in prolonged conversations. He was constantly afraid that the person he was talking to would suddenly see something in him they didn't like…that they would look into his eyes and realise that he wasn't exactly…normal. He felt awkward, but not shy. He seemed to be able to get along easily with just about anyone which is why, he supposed, he had been made a Prefect. Yet something about talking to strangers filled his heart with dread; it had been bad enough attempting to make friends and keep them in his first year. He didn't want to relive that experience with girls.

Sirius had been thinking, his greys eyes serious as he looked at Remus who too was consumed with thought. After a long moment of silence, Sirius cleared his throat and began to speak, his voice warm and genuine, "Oh I don't know about that Moony…" Suddenly Sirius' expression change and as he beat his chest in a Neanderthal manner he teased, "Well, you certainly haven't got the charm, looks and charisma I have." Remus rolled his eyes. "But you definitely have…something…"

Sirius' voice was soft, almost breathy; and something about the way he had said the word "something" caused Remus to flinch uncomfortably. Sirius seemingly hadn't noticed and his voice was more confident as he continued, "You have that kind of distance girls tend to like…you're not cold thought, are you? I mean, it's not like you're a git and ignore people." Remus laughed. "No it's more kind of…soft than that. More…gentle…"

Remus gulped hard as Sirius seemed to freeze, his lips slightly parted as though the words had simply dried on his tongue. For a moment he almost looked embarrassed; and maybe it was just the light and shadows from the fire, but Remus could almost make out a blush spreading its way across Sirius' face.

"Oh I don't know what I'm talking about…" Sirius mumbled, half to himself half to Remus. Remus' eyes were fixed on Sirius who had now stood up and was busying his hands by taking off his tie completely. "Anyone would think I was going all…sensitive…"

_Typical Sirius_, Remus thought watching the way he wrapped the tie tightly about his hand; _trust him to believe sensitivity was a weakness_. The embarrassment from Sirius' voice had vanished; the blush had drained from his cheeks as he asked with a flippant toss of the head, "You coming up now?"

"Yeah…" Remus said quietly, standing and picking up his book, "Yeah, I'm coming."

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Well? What do you think so far? Am I doing a good job with the Marauders so far? 


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I know that someone, somwhere must be reading this, so if you are than please review. I'm not a review whore or anything, it's just nice to have a little feedback so you know if people like what you're doing.

Again, thanks to Smeg for ironing out all the niggly little mistakes.

Back to the present...

Disclaimer: Do I really have to keep saying I'm not J.K.Rowling, and I don't own anything but this story?

* * *

He is on his knees now, the chair has been pushed aside and he is dabbing at the tea that had run across the kitchen floor; wiping it up with paper towels…the muggle way. His heart is heavy as the paper seems disintegrate as he touches it; breaking off into tiny, white pieces the minute it comes into contact with the liquid. He sighs before he sits cross legged on the floor, staring down at the puddle. It couldn't always have been this hard. 

Remus swallows the lump that is rising in his throat, feeling the coldness of the floor beneath him as he shivers. It has been months now and still he can't forget; Sirius had been defiant until the end. He had taunted Bellatrix; he had not been afraid...and yet now Remus was more frightened than any other point in his life; frightened of what these memories could mean.

Remus closes his eyes to the world around him, feeling the irrational fury engulf him and caused him to think of his death once more. It just seemed so unfair that it had happened like this; that had not been the death for Sirius Black. He had deserved more than some messy, bumbled, unclear end which had left Remus alone to hold Harry back; his eyes fixed on the veil through which he had fallen. It didn't seem right that a man like Sirius; a man with such a will to live could just leave this world without a fight…it was not the way it should have happened. Remus found himself growling softly under his breath; Sirius had survived twelve years in Azkaban…he had survived the Dementors and yet now he had simply vanished from this world, with nothing but this house left with any remnants of himself stamped upon it.

As Remus stands he recognises the lie he has just told himself, shaking his head as he peels the paper off of his hands and places it in the bin. If that was true, if Grimmauld Place was, indeed, the only place left where any traces of Sirius had survived, then why had he not been able to sleep for months? Why could he not relish the company of Tonks, or feel pleasure at the sight of seeing Harry again? Why did he feel as though he was manacled to something heavy every time he left the house; every time he tried to do something that would, perhaps, help him forget? If Sirius had truly fallen out of this life and into another, leaving behind a world that hadn't acknowledged his existence at all, then why had his Patronus changed?

Once again Remus could see before him the shimmering silver image of Sirius, stepping into the darkness of the classroom, and pulling Harry and Snape apart. He hadn't been able to perform a Patronus for months; all thoughts of happiness seemed to have been unreachable. Yet as he felt Harry's fear on the other side of the door, something inside him had broken; the grief had given way to the memory of the young man he had known and cared for, and it was as if the months of pain had melted away and taken Sirius' form.

The house is completely silent now, all the portraits are sleeping. Remus stands, hands grasping the back of a chair, as a great chill seizes him. He cannot move…he cannot think; the face of Sirius is lost to him now…Sirius is lost to him now. With a great effort he pulls the chair out and sits; limbs rigid as the realisation hits him again and again. This was not like before; there is no possible reunion awaiting them after the years of pain and bitterness have subsided. This was not like before, when the sins of the other could be forgiven; the suspicion and hatred could be put aside and they could, if only for a few years, remember what it was like to be truly close. Sirius was not going to walk into the kitchen and laugh at the melancholy look on Remus' face, before sitting down at the table to ask him what was wrong. Remus was alone now…alone at Grimmauld Place. He shudders at this thought as the clock in the hallway begins to chime for eight.

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Feedback is appreciated 


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thank you to those of you who are reviewing. And to those of you who are reading but are not reviewing PLEASE break the habit and let me know what you think of my story. Feedback is always appreciated. Once again thank you to Smegan for getting rid of my typos and arguing with me about grammar. I would suggest "Ziggy Stardust" by David Bowie for this chapter, for no other reason than it is a great song. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry, any of the characters or settings but I do own this story and what I've done here. No need to sue.

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"I don't want to do this anymore," Sirius said petulantly, leaning back in his chair, arms folded across his chest as he glanced hopefully around the common room for support. None came however; Peter had been sulking on his own for most of the morning, and James was off frantically trying to copy his Transfiguration essay from any one in his year that would oblige. Remus, however, would not give up. He had long ago stopped letting them copy from him; ever since McGonagall had twigged that the three essays that were handed to her on a Wednesday afternoon were uncannily similar, and given all three of them detention for it (James and Sirius for not even trying to be original; Remus, for letting them do it.) James still attempted to get away with not doing it himself, usually choosing the most unobvious candidate to copy from in a hope that it would not arouse McGonagall's suspicions. Once he had even tried to steal Snape's essay, but it had ended in a week in the hospital wing for both of them, and innumerable detentions.

Sirius, on the other hand, was not so lucky. Unable to find it within himself to ask anyone else to copy (and, not being stupid enough to copy whatever Peter wrote as his answers) he had begrudgingly agreed to let Remus help him in the free periods before Transfiguration. However, despite the fact that Remus was his friend and a generous teacher; Sirius found that these sessions were anything but easy. Remus was patient, frustratingly so sometimes, as Sirius would try and infuriate him in to giving away the easy answers. It never worked; Remus was too quick and too used to Sirius' tactics for that, and instead he would gently nudge Sirius in the right direction, leaving him to decipher the texts on his own, and to painfully construct his own answers.

Remus looked up from his book and smiled; his eyes mischievous as he shrugged flippantly, "Fair enough. I mean, if you want to have detention with McGonagall for the third time this week…"

Sirius did not smile.

"Oh bloody hell Moony!" he huffed, pulling out another piece of parchment and dipping his quill reluctantly into the pot of ink, "Why can't you just make it easy for me…you know…give me some clues as to what the answers should be…"

"Because you're not an idiot Padfoot, however much you pretend to be." Sirius wrinkled his nose and glared down at the words he was writing. Remus smiled, teasing as he continued, "You know this stuff…you know you do…you don't need my help."

Sirius shook his head, sending his dark hair in front of his face, shutting his expressions off as he said darkly, "If I know this stuff, why do I find it so hard?" Remus said nothing and instead continued to read. For a moment, they continued in silence; Remus absorbing the words of the incantations he read, Sirius pouting down at his parchment. Yet he knew it wouldn't last for long and, true to form, Sirius raised his eyes from his essay and asked, "Where's Prongs?"

Remus conceded this interruption and pulled the map towards him, scanning it swiftly before his eyes found the spot marked "James Potter."

"Looks likes he's trying to get into the Hufflepuff common room." Remus handed Sirius the map before turning the page. "I don't think it will do much good though. Their portrait changes the password at least five times a day."

"He's talking to Marianne Merrydew now," Sirius said before letting the map fall to the desk in front of him. He ran his finger down the page, pausing as he copied out a quote and then, after a moment of hesitation, he said, "I'm kind of going out with her you know."

He had immediately gained Remus' attention, who had tried to not look too interested as he slowly raised his eyes from the book to Sirius' face. Sirius looked impassive as he waited for Remus to speak; the information he had just offered clearly did not affect him in the same way. But Remus was stunned, and could hardly hide this as he hesitated; Sirius rarely ever spoke about things like this.

"I can't remember who she is," Remus lied in an attempt to get Sirius to say more. He opened his mouth to speak, yet before he could, the portrait swung open as two giggling second year girls entered. Realising that the map was still open on the desk in front of them, Sirius quickly pressed his wand to it and muttered the words "Mischief Managed", before folding it quickly and slipping it inside the pages of his text book. The second year girls paused and were staring at Sirius, who responded by doing nothing but picking up his quill and continue to write. This, however, seemed to prove more than enough. The girls burst into fits of giggles before, blushing profusely, they scurried up the stairs.

Sirius continued as Remus watched him; the opportunity had gone now, the moment had passed. Yet after a couple of more sentences, Sirius put down his quill, leant back in his chair and said, "You know…pretty Hufflepuff in our year…quite short brown hair…brilliant at Herbology?"

Remus shrugged. He knew exactly the girl that Sirius was talking about; she had been hovering around the portrait of the Fat Lady since the start of term, her hair often pushed back by an Alice band, and she would smile demurely every time Sirius passed.

"She's the girl who's sometimes waiting outside isn't she?" Remus said, his voice almost cold as he asked this. Sirius nodded as he began to aimlessly spin a Knut that he had found on the floor beneath his chair.

"Do you like her?"

Sirius didn't answer for a long time, his gaze completely held by the Knut which was rotating rapidly on the desk. As it fell his eyes once again focused on Remus, and after a confident laugh he said, "Don't be an idiot Moony, would I be going out with her if I didn't?" Remus simply shrugged.

"No, I like her," Sirius said as if offended, but as Remus watched him he saw the enthusiasm silently drain from his face, his voice wavering uncertainly as he continued, "Well…I mean I do like her, it's just…she isn't half as annoying as some of the girls…she just seems to want…"

"Want what?" Remus said a little too sharply. Sirius' eyes narrowed suspiciously, before this suspicion gave way to his characteristically disarming smile as he said silkily, "Oh no, nothing like that. Mind out of the gutter now Mister Lupin." Remus turned as pink as the second year Gryffindors as he nervously riffled through the parchments in front of him.

"You know that's not what I meant…" he managed to say, hot with embarrassment.

"What I was going to say," Sirius articulated, enjoying the way his friend was squirming, "Was that she just seems to want to be more serious than I like to be. You know me; I can't really be serious about anything for too long." Relieved that he had not taken the joke further, Remus sighed, studying Sirius' face intently for a moment before speaking, "Maybe the fault lies with you then, and not her."

Now Sirius was genuinely offended as he stuffed the Knut he had been playing with into the pocket of his robes before he snapped, "I never said it was her fault, did I?"

"No I know," Remus' voice was soft in attempt to calm the fury that he could see boiling in his friend's eyes. It seemed to work, Sirius relaxed, his shoulders sagging as he leant back in his chair once more.

"I mean I like it when its fun…it's great when it's like that; when I don't know much about them, and they don't know much about me. I like knowing that this is virtual a stranger I'm with…yet I'm saying and doing things that I would never, in a million years, dream of doing with someone I didn't know." Remus could feel the blush returning. "I just don't like it after that…after that has gone and its time to get serious. They want to know too much then. They want to get to know me well, you know, like how you know me…" Sirius smiled warmly at Remus who was frozen, his mind frantically processing all that his friend was saying. "I don't want them to get to know me like that…it makes me feel…" Sirius paused as if searching for a word, and in a state of anticipation, Remus waited. No such word came however, and instead Sirius shrugged and sighed.

Silence once again descended between the two and, after a moment of waiting for Sirius to continue, Remus once again turned his attention to the books in front of him.

"I don't use them you know," Sirius said suddenly, causing Remus' eyes to flit upwards and lock with his. For the briefest of moments something unsaid seemed to pass between them; their eyes forming the words they didn't even know they needed to say.

"I know," Remus said solemnly. Sirius looked away first, his eyes automatically drawn to the incomplete essay on the desk. He groaned and looked up at the clock before, with what looked like a great deal of effort, he picked up his quill again and began to write.

Remus appeared to be reading, his eyes were focused on the text in front of him, and yet he could not take it in. He was thinking about Marianne Merrydew, that sweet, pretty Hufflepuff girl who had probably been waiting for Sirius the nights they had passed her. Sirius had never said a word. Maybe he had though; he probably would have told James. James and Sirius had no secrets; was that why he had always smiled at Sirius when they passed her? Or had Remus just imagined that? He shook his head as if to clear his head, but still these thoughts continued. He thought of the way she might react when kissed; would she close her eyes and sigh? Would her body relent against his? Would her hands roam up over his shoulders and through his hair? Suddenly as he looked at Sirius scowling down at the parchment, it just didn't seem fair and, frustrated, he slammed his text book shut.

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Hit the review button and let me know what you think! Thanking you xxx 


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I'm going to continue to post this DESPITE the obscene lack of reviews I have been recieving. Where are you all? Is it really that bad? If it is you should at least let me know!

Thank you to those who are reviwing and to Smeg for being nice and checking things over for me. We have a very petulant Sirius in this chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry, his friends or anything to do with the original stories (except the books themselves) so please don't sue!

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Remus hadn't even hesitated before going in; the Marauders had long since lost the habit of knocking on their own bedroom door. Yet something about the sight that met him on the other side made him feel like he should have. James, who had obviously been sitting cross legged on the floor jumped, and proceeded to hide what ever it was that he had been so intently studying swiftly under his bed, before standing and turning to face Remus, flashing a broad grin. Remus was too well practised however to fall for one of James' smiles, and he turned his eyes to Sirius who was laying on his back, stretched out on his bed, with his head dangling off of the end.

"What's going on?" Remus asked simply. Sirius scratched his stomach lazily before yawning casually, "Nothing much; killing a bit of time before Quidditch practice."

Remus' eyes were once again on James who was backing up against his bed, kicking an object that hadn't been fully hidden underneath it before saying, "Isn't Wormtail with you?"

Remus shrugged lightly before allowing himself to fall back onto the bed opposite Sirius', kicking off his shoes as he did so.

"I left him in the library working. You know he really seems to have taken an interest in Defence against the Dark Arts lately. He's really improved." Sirius hissed as he took a sharp intake of breath and James, who had been looking into a mirror now turned, cleaning his glasses as he said, "Not sure if that's such a good thing. Next thing we'll know, he'll be going around with Snivellous."

"You can't say that just because he's working hard at one of his subjects," Remus began defensively, picking up the watch from his beside table and beginning to wind it. "I know you don't like the Dark Arts Prongs, but it doesn't mean that everyone who excels at it is going to turn out bad."

"Exactly," Sirius said, still on his back aimlessly caressing his stomach, "Just look at dear old Moony here. He got near perfect marks in Defence for his O.W.L and he's as sweet as they come." Remus shot Sirius a frustrated look. Sirius merely winked.

"Yeah well," James said, his eyes once again drawn to the mirror as he began to ruffle his black hair. "All I'm saying is it's not like Wormtail to be dedicated. I mean what's the world coming to? He's down there, a slave to the books, whilst Moony is up here with us. Doesn't seem…natural."

Sirius' laughed at his best friend's solemn tone and, as he flipped over onto his front, he looked up at James from underneath his dark eyelashes and said, "Come on Prongs, this is Wormtail we're talking about. You know Peter is completely incapable of having an original thought." James grinned in agreement. Remus winced yet as he opened his mouth to speak, Sirius cut him off.

"And don't you try to defend him…you know it's true!" Remus said nothing as he placed the watch back down on his bedside table, allowing his head to fall back against the gold and crimson pillows as he gazed up into the canopy. Sometimes he thought that James and Sirius didn't give Peter enough credit. Of course, they didn't know him as well as Remus did; he was the one that he spent most of his time with. At least they seemed to share one thing in common; that neither of them, no matter how hard they tried, could compete with James and Sirius' friendship. It had been established fairly on in the history of the Marauders just how the group dynamic was going to work. After all, Sirius and James had been friends first, before they had even met Remus and Peter, and so it was an unsaid probability that they would always be closest.

Remus didn't mind so much; he had been happy just to find people he could talk to, that would understand him and not judge him in the way most people did. Now he had come to accept that whatever other friendships existed, they would always pale into insignificance compared to the bond between those two. Peter had never really come to understand this; he continuously attempted to infiltrate, to make himself known. Yet Sirius and James never noticed, or when they did, all they could do was laugh. Sometimes they just seemed so oblivious to the feelings of others; careless of what they said and unaware that their insensitivity often inspired pain. It was never on purpose, of course, and yet it continued, and whereas Remus had come to accept this, Peter still was hurt so easily by the throw away comments of his friends.

"You know," Remus began, his eyes still fixed above, his voice reprimanding as he continued; "It wouldn't hurt if you gave Wormtail a chance sometimes."

Sirius sighed loudly and looked over to where Remus was lying; arms under his head, blinking patiently up at the ceiling. Remus could feel his eyes on him; he knew that Sirius would be scowling, possibly sitting up to watch Remus' face as he said rather hotly, "We do, it's not like we mean anything we say."

"'Course not!" James said earnestly, as if to diffuse his friend. It didn't work however; Sirius had hardly heard James speak as he continued, "It's not up to you to defend him Moony; he can do that himself. By the way you talk you make it sound like we're actually hurting him."

Remus said nothing for a moment, leaving a pause that was heavily pregnant with Sirius' frustration. Trust Sirius to not understand the feelings of others. Remus sat up, pressing his back against the head board as he watched Sirius' dark face as he began carefully, "I'm not saying you do it on purpose…I'm just suggesting that sometimes you don't think about what you're doing to him. And he'll never say anything to you two well…because…he idolises you both."

"Bloody hell Remus will you cut it out!" Sirius spat venomously, causing James to pull his eyes away from his reflection and gaze at his friend, who was now sitting upright on his bed, shaking his head hotly. "You're always just suggesting this…or _just_ saying that…" He paused, his eyes thunderous as he glared at Remus who was staring, unflinchingly back. "If you've got something to say just come out and say it, will you? Don't dress it up as something it's not. We're all big boys now, we can take it."

Again, Remus did not reply; his amber eyes silently imploring, his face soft and apologetic as Sirius shook slightly with the words he had just spoken. James had frozen; his face had dropped as he watched the remnants of Sirius' characteristically unpredictable temper coursing through him.

"Come on Padfoot…Moony was just trying to say…"

"Exactly!" Sirius retorted sharply, suddenly jumping to his feet and grabbing his Quidditch shirt and pulling it on. Remus watched, knowing that whatever he said would only provoke him more, and that they were now all hostages to Sirius' ferocious temper until he decided that it was time to cool down. Sirius flung open the window sending a freezing cold breeze whipping into the room. James yelped, grabbing his own Qudditch shirt and pulling it on swiftly with the words, "Jesus Padfoot, could you at least warn me when you're going to do that?"

Sirius said nothing in return and instead began to climb out of the window, sidling along the ledge cautiously before slamming the window shut behind him. Over the years he had developed a habit of climbing onto the ledges of Gryffindor Tower to escape. Once James had tried to climb out after him, yet despite the fact he was the best Seeker Hogwarts had ever seen, his agility had failed to stretch that far; and he had been narrowly saved from falling by Sirius pulling him back. James looked at Remus who had silently watched Sirius go; rigid with what had just past between them, his eyes fixed on the spot Sirius had just vacated. Why did it always have to be like this he thought to himself, completely oblivious to the presence of James at all. Why did their arguments always follow the same, predictable pattern where Sirius would become impatient and leave Remus feeling solemn and dejected?

It hadn't always been like this Remus thought, his fingers idly busying themselves with pulling a thread that was hanging loose from the bottom of his jumper. Not so long ago Sirius had almost enjoyed the stern looks Remus would display whenever he and James would jinx Peter, or say something that they both thought was hilarious, but always at the expense of the least confident Marauder. Like a child that enjoys being punished for the attention it gains, Remus was certain that Sirius would do things just to push him; to see how far he could take it before he would advise them to be more cautious. However, ever since they had returned for the start of a new term and a new year, Sirius had become increasingly snappish towards him; tones of angry frustration seemed to lace everything that passed between them. He would become more petulant than usual if Remus tried to urge him towards caution. Sometimes Remus could even go as far as to read a smouldering anger in Sirus' grey eyes when he looked at him; uncertain whether the anger was there at all, or whether it was simply just a trick of the light.

Yet it had certainly been there now as he had slammed the window behind him; Remus had seen the disgust clearly written in his face as he turned. James had undoubtedly seen it too; his face was soft and his words were gentle as he said, "Just ignore him Moony. You know what he gets like."

Remus was jolted out of his thoughts as he looked to James, who was smiling so confidently in return. Whatever arrogance he seemed to exude for most of the time, Remus knew the real James Potter was the James who had just spoken; a boy who cared, more than anything, for the feelings of his friends. Remus shrugged as if he didn't care before sitting up slowly, the back of his hair slightly ruffled from where he had been leaning back against the head board.

"Sometimes I wonder if…" Remus had begun so slowly, so uncertain, but something about James' wide eyed expression caused him to stop and blush. James moved away from the mirror and sat beside Remus on his bed and, after glancing over to the window, he said, "The thing you have to remember about Sirius is…" Remus' ears immediately pricked up; James never called Sirius by his name. James had noticed this too, yet his voice was clear and sturdy as he continued, "The thing is, I don't think he likes change."

"But…" Remus began, confusion clearly written in his pale features. "But I don't understand. Nothing has changed."

"Don't you see?" James said, his face suddenly appearing older, his voice acquiring a world weary tone. "Everything is going to change."

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Well? Review if you are reading this! 


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: A little more interest this time...that's good! I hope that it will become more obvious now that the events in the sixth year of the Marauders time at Hogwarts will follow a definate linear sequence. I just didn't want to have them happening at the time, as I wanted Remus to have the benefit of hindsight. Thank you for all the lovely reviews and encouraging comments. I hope this chapter pleases too...Peter starts to show signs of...well, you'll see. A prize awaits those who pick up on the little name connection I have thrown in here!

Disclaimer: I don't own, so please don't sue!

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"Did…did you see that!" Peter squealed excitedly, suddenly clasping on to Remus' arm and pointing up into the sky above the Quidditch pitch. Remus looked up to see James standing precariously on his broom, one arm out to his side, the other stretched out in front, grasping the Snitch which was fluttering pointlessly in his hand. A group of Gryffindor girls who had been watching clapped enthusiastically, shouting things like "That was fantastic Potter!" and "They won't know what's hit them!" to the boy who circled them triumphantly above. James took a bow before lightly allowing himself to slip back into the seated position, flying over to where Sirius was waiting to release the Snitch again.

Remus nodded to pacify Peter, who was standing, shaking, and watching the Gryffindor team practice, his eyes fixed on the figures of Sirius and James who were laughing carelessly at the opposite end of the pitch. Remus hadn't even been watching them practice; his mind had been full of the events of the morning, and the things that James had said. _The thing about Sirius is….he doesn't like change._ Remus could hardly believe this to be true as he looked at the dazzlingly confident boy that was zooming along on his broomstick, his eyes firmly fixed on the Quaffle that was flying towards him. He had always assumed that he was so fearless. That he would embrace the future better then any of the Marauders; he would be the one to seize it and claim it as his own. For a moment Remus held his breath as the Quaffle appeared to just be out of his reach. Yet at the last minute Sirius reached high and caught it with great ease to be met with applause and sighs from the Gryffindor girls. Relieved, Remus allowed himself to exhale.

"Peter?" Remus asked cautiously, turning his attention from the friends above the pitch to the friend that sat beside him. Agitated, Peter dragged his eyes away and looked at Remus. "Do you ever…get frightened?"

Peter's vermin features darkened with confusion; his brow furrowed and his nose seemed to become more pointed than usual as he replied, "What do you mean, frightened? You know….you do know you're talking to me…right?"

Remus smiled warmly at Peter's self deprecating nature and, after adjusting the sleeves of his robes he continued, "I mean…do you ever get frightened of things changing? For all of us?"

For a moment Peter's face dropped and his eyes became dark as he shifted guiltily in his seat. He snapped his attention away from Remus and gazed once more up at the friends in the sky, his face black as he drummed his fingers nervously on the side of the stand. Remus watched his friend, confused by the way this question had been received as he said gently "I didn't mean anything by it Wormtail. It was just something that James said earlier…that's all."

"What's he got to be frightened of?" Peter said, his face hot, his eyes flashing peculiarly as he gazed up at the boys above. Remus blinked steadily, his hands folded tightly in his lap.

"I don't know. It's weird isn't it, what rumour and suspicion can do…" Remus' voice was reflective as he heard another cheer from the Gryffindor girls that told him a particularly impressive stunt had been pulled above. "I mean you only have to look at a copy of _The Daily Prophet _recently to know that things are changing. And just…" Remus paused, his eyes scanning the faces of his fellow pupils, so absorbed with what they witnessing above, yet he remained completely oblivious to the face of Peter beside him. "I can't help feeling that something…something isn't right. There's something happening that I just can't work out. I don't know what…I don't even know if it makes sense. But I can just feel that things are changing."

Peter had frozen; he was no longer squirming uncomfortably, nor was he writhing with the excitement of his friends performing above. He was no longer drumming his fingers. Instead, his hand was gripping the side of the stand tightly; his knuckles had turned white. Remus turned to Peter and was shocked to see an expression of coldness on his otherwise childish face. Remus shuddered.

"Do you want to know what I think?" Peter asked, his voice so quiet that it could hardly be heard amidst the cheering. Tentatively, Remus leant forward, his eyes fixed on Peter's immobile face. Yet suddenly the darkness that had shadowed Peter's face seemed to be lifted; his eyes once more dazzled with excitement and admiration as he said a little breathlessly "I really think we're going to beat Ravenclaw next week."

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The heavens had opened not long after the practice had ended and Remus was now standing alone with his back against the damp tarpaulin, the rain falling heavily all around. He raised his eyes to the fabric above his head with suspicion; its centre was dipping lower and lower as the water collected in a great pool in the middle. He had been waiting for Sirius and James for half an hour now and still they showed no signs of emerging. Peter had left, wide eyed and slightly delirious as soon as the practice had ended, mumbling something about _The Daily Prophet_ and that things wouldn't have to change. Once again Remus found himself waiting for his friends and, as he pulled out his wand to strengthen the fabric above him, he sighed despondently, kicking the damp turf about his feet.

"That's quite a useful charm," said the girl who had rushed from round the side of the Quidditch pitch and underneath where Remus was finding shelter.

Remus shrugged and pocketed his wand with the words, "It helps to know these kinds of things when you're waiting for friends who make a habit of leaving you in the rain."

The girl laughed at this, but whether or not she found what he had said truly humorous Remus couldn't tell. For a moment there was silence; his sanctuary had been invaded by someone he didn't know and it made him feel uncomfortable as he silently prayed for the rain to stop. The girl seemed to notice and, after tossing her blonde hair out of her eyes and down her back she said lightly, "Eleanor Figg." She then held out her hand in a strangely formal gesture that made Remus suddenly feel more at ease. With a brief smile he took it and said, "I'm Re…"

"Remus Lupin, I know." Her hand fell from his and she stuffed them in her pockets, sticking out her chest and whistling lowly.

"But how do you…"

"You're friends with Potter and Black aren't you?" she interrupted once again.

A little disappointed, Remus nodded. Why was it that he only ever seemed to exist in conjunction with his friends? Eleanor didn't seem to notice his expression as she continued, "I've never really understood that you know. You're quite a quiet person and they're…well they're so…"

"Loud?" Remus offered. Eleanor's lips curled into a pleasant smile and Remus could feel himself tingle with the threat of a blush. Quickly, he turned away, his eyes searching for any signs of his friends amongst the blurred landscape around them. The greens of the grass seemed almost indistinguishable from the greys of the sky and as Remus watched his nostrils filled with the pleasant smell of wet, lush earth. However, he couldn't help but fear that more pleasantries may come. Would they be forced to speak endlessly about Quidditch (a subject which Remus hardly knew)? Would they try to uncover some common friends or enemies, and laugh falsely at the idiosyncrasies of each? Would they talk of the lessons that they did and did not enjoy, or would she (perhaps worst of all) quiz him about the inner workings of James and Sirius?

Yet, as they stood in the silence which was only softly broken by the rain on the fabric above them, and the tastes of the water on the air, Remus found himself pleasantly surprised by the lack of conversation between them. Each seemed too absorbed in the views that surrounded them; each was silently waiting for the arrival of friends. Remus could hear her whistling lowly; that same, deep song she had been whistling earlier, and something about this made Remus relax. He could almost forget about Sirius' slamming the window behind him; about James' solemn words and Peter's strange reaction to when Remus had asked him if he ever got frightened of change. Standing here beside this girl he hardly knew made him feel at peace, forgetful of the concern he felt at making Sirius lose his temper, and reflective on the possibility that the rain could stop.

"Looks like your friends are here." Her voice broke the repetitive nature of the falling rain and Remus could see James and Sirius running over to where Eleanor and he were standing, sheltering from the rain.

"Sorry…we kind of…got caught up in something…" James managed to pant; his glasses were splattered with rain. Suddenly he seemed to notice Eleanor, who had been watching the two boys with a silent smile playing about her lips, and he gulped hard before saying, "You're Eleanor Figg aren't you? The Ravenclaw Chaser?"

The blonde girl shrugged as if the name meant nothing and inwardly Remus was pleased that she seemed so flippant. Yet immediately she had turned her attention to Sirius, whose wet hair was rippling in front of his face, barely hiding the scowl that had lined his face with displeasure.

"I guess we'll be up against each other on Thursday then," she said sweetly. Sirius said nothing; his eyes seemed to be moving between Eleanor and Remus, trying to piece the scene together.

James grinned confidently and, clamping an arm around Sirius' shoulder he shook him out of his staring for long enough to reply, "I don't think there is really much competition."

Inwardly, Remus winced at the sharpness of this reply but Eleanor seemed to find it amusing and after she had finished wringing the bottom of he jumper free of water, she turned her eyes to Sirius and said, "Perhaps not. After all, how could anyone compete with the…" She paused, placing one hand over her heart before saying, every inch of her voice mocking, " The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black."

James laughed at this, but Sirius did not; his eyes had turned opaque with blackness as he stared directly at Eleanor. Remus could feel the air around them grow tense as he waited for Sirius to loose his temper; to return with something cutting and hurtful. He did not, however. Sirius simply smiled and, after looking at Remus for a brief moment he said to James, "Shall we go in?"

James nodded and they moved away, Remus followed a little way behind them, the rain falling heavily all around. Remus imagined Eleanor Figg watching them go, her blonde hair falling around her slightly red face, still humming that tune under her breath. Yet something interrupted this thought; something inside him forced him to relinquish this day dream as he stared at the back of Sirius' head. His heart grew tight within his chest as he wiped the rain from out of his eyes. Something inside him was forcing him to feel awkward; a strange kind of guilt was rushing through his veins. Shaking his head as if to rid him of this feeling he found it only grew, and he once again heard James' words in his head _The thing about Sirius is….he doesn't like change._

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Please take the time and let me know what you think! 


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Where oh where have my faithful reviewers gone? It seems like forever since I had any reviews, and it makes me slightly sad. However, I am enjoying writing this story, even if you aren't enjoying reading it, so I shall continue to post. In this chapter we have an appearance of everyone's favourite Potions Master...and does Sirius use the P word? (insert gasps here)

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, they belong to J.K.Rowling. I do, however, own this story.

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The corridors of Hogwarts were full of students; when it was raining the halls were packed with pupils of all shapes and sizes, sporting the colours of their houses and chattering excitedly. Remus watched James puff his chest out importantly as he passed a group of third year Gryffindor boys; their eyes immediately drawn to the familiar sight of the boy with black hair and glasses, and a gold and red Quidditch shirt that was splattered with mud.

"How did the practice go Potter?" a wiry, blonde haired boy named Rex Walters asked enthusiastically, bobbing up and down. James flung his arms wide and with a cocky smile he shrugged and said, "It's was alright. I don't think we'll have any real problems on Thursday."

"Yeah!" said another of the third year Gryffindor boys viciously, "I bet old Ravenclaw won't be much of a challenge. Just make sure you go easy on them though…to begin with…give them a sporting chance." James winked and sighed as if this subject bored him. Remus knew otherwise, however; there was nothing James liked more than strutting proudly past in his Quidditch shirt, attracting the attention of enthusiastic third years. Remus listened to the careful false modesty James applied as he spoke; his arrogance subdued only slightly to encourage the compliments of others. James had a knack of teasing things out of people; whether they were aware of it or not, he always managed to get them to say what he wanted to hear.

"What do you think Sirius?" James suddenly said, interrupting the monotony of his own voice, and directing the young Gryffindors attention to the Chaser by his side. Yet Sirius said nothing to encourage their praise further, his eyes were fixed on someone who had just scurried out of one of the classrooms, a pile of books in his hands. As Sirius nodded in their direction, Remus' heart sank to see Severus Snape struggling under the weight of his books; his black eyes barely visible over the top of the pile. Remus turned, hopeful that the third years would offer more words of praise to distract James and Sirius from their prey. Yet the Gryffindors had wandered off and, as Remus turned back round, he saw to his horror that James and Sirius were already striding towards Snape.

"Please can we not do this today," Remus began desperately attempting to catch up with them. Sirius' voice was hard, his eyes fixed on the back of Snape's greasy head as he snapped back at Remus, "Come on Moony, you won't deny us a little fun now will you?"

James grinned and before Remus could say another word James and Sirius had a hand on each of Snape's shoulders, spinning him round so quickly that the books fell from his hands and scattered across the floor. Snape's face was white with anger, his eyes were flashing as he struggled helplessly under the pressure that Sirius and James were now applying.

"I'm warning you…" Snape's voice was shaking as he hissed through his teeth. "I'm warning you if you touch me I'll…"

"_Accio wand_" James said suddenly and Remus saw the way Snape's face dropped as he watched his wand fly out from his robes and into James hand. "You'll do what? Hex us?"

Snape hissed as James and Sirius laughed, pushing him further back until they had pressed him squarely against the wall. Remus followed, frantically attempting to come between them as he said frantically, "Look just leave it now…it's not right…"

"Oh yes Remus, and I forgot that it's you that sets the standards by which we are all to judge what is wrong and what is right!" Sirius gushed venomously, his grey eyes burning at Remus momentarily before he once again turned his attentions to Snape.

"What do you think Prongs?" Sirius said, his lips turning into the cruel smirk that Remus so despised. Turning his eyes from the pair he could imagine that Sirius had raised his wand and was now pressing it menacingly into Snape's sallow cheek, his eyes slitted in amusement as he addressed James. "Do you think we need to perform a little Engorgement Charm?"

Remus' head snapped back round and sure enough Sirius had his wand to Snape's face, his eyes dancing merrily as he waited for James to give the order. James said nothing for a moment; his eyes were fixed on the greasy youth, who had turned a dangerous shade of white and was trembling slightly as he said, "It's nice to see that you still have to ask your wife for permission."

The laughter from James' eyes dulled slightly and Sirius tried to ignore the blush that Remus could see spreading across his cheeks. He responded by digging the wand more painfully into his face, and Snape winced before saying sharply, "Forgive me…I forgot that you are married to Lupin…."

As he said this Sirius pulled his arm back, his wand firmly fixed on the target of Snape's nose. Remus saw the way Sirius' grey eyes danced with fury as they locked with Snape's, whose face had become almost immobile with rage.

"Sirius, no!" Remus shouted, but his words were lost as, with a concentrated anger Sirius commanded, "_Engorgio!" _

Both James and Sirius stepped back, releasing their hold on Snape, who fell swiftly to the floor. Remus watched helplessly as Snape was on his knees, his black hair falling in front of his face, his hands clutching his nose which was already beginning to grow. At once, Remus was on his knees beside him, his hands instinctively moving to pull Snape's hands away. Yet Snape scurried backwards, his robes flurrying around him as he hissed, "Don't you dare touch me! Don't you dare!"

Remus pulled back, allowing Snape to get a fair distance away to stand up before he too rose to his feet, his eyes fixed on Sirius and James.

"Why? Every time…"

James was giggling insanely yet Sirius' face was completely devoid of humour as he answered, "Because he deserves it. It's enough that he pollutes the hallways with his stench."

"Well you'd be the first one to know about pollution, wouldn't you?" Snape said, his voice obscured by the hands that were blocking his face. Sirius' eyes turned to the Slytherin that was sidling ever so slightly towards them. James had stopped laughing. "Yes, I bet your parents were so proud… their precious son being sorted into Gryffindor. Sometimes it makes me sick just to look at you. To think a family like yours could produce something as…" Snape paused, his voice caressing the words as he ended, "degenerate as you."

Sirius started forward almost at once, his face contorting, his eyes narrowed at the boy he had just been insulted by. At once Remus flung himself between them, his body providing a barrier, preventing Sirius from advancing. Sirius struggled against him attempting to force his way past but it was no use; Remus was deceptively strong and as he dug his heels firmly in, Sirius' face was hot with fury, as he snapped at Snape over Remus' shoulder, "You think you can talk to me of my parents! How dare you even speak of them to me!" Remus remained firm, his body rigid against Sirius' who was floundering desperately to get past.

"Piss off, Moony!" he snapped hotly, as Remus simply shook his head. James stepped forward and placed his hands on Sirius' shoulders, firmly pulling him from Remus with the words, "It's not worth it Padfoot…"

Remus stood aside, allowing James to control Sirius more. Snape stood watching, his eyes black, his chest heaving, his nose still growing. Remus watched Snape carefully, noticing the way his eyes moved from himself to the sight of James restraining Sirius. Overcome with guilt Remus stepped forward and, without giving James and Sirius enough time to protest, he took out his wand and mumbled the counter curse to Sirius' engorgement charm. At once, Snape's nose began to shrink. Sirius laughed mirthlessly as he stepped away from James, his hands raised. He was not going to do anything more.

"Scrapping in the corridors…" Snape hissed smoothly, his eyes fixed on Sirius' red face. James allowed Sirius to step forward, as he too slowly approached. Remus stood poised, ready to spring in between them once more.

"I expected more of you Remus." Snape articulated his name and it caused him to shudder; so much coldness seemed to lurk just behind it. "There were some that believed that your position as a Prefect would have a positive influence on the company you keep. Needless to say, I was unconvinced."

"Leave Remus out of this," James said slowly, his eyes fixed on the Slytherin boy whose eyes now snapped to James'. Snape said nothing in response and for a moment Remus watched the hatred boil between them; James' shoulders rising and falling rapidly as Snape's face remained frozen. The tension grew unbearable, Remus could hardly watch…yet he could not find it within himself to tear his eyes away. Finally, it was Snape that blinked first and, turning to Sirius who had been watching, frozen, he said smoothly, "My wand…if you don't mind."

Remus watched Sirius' grey eyes turn thunderous, his face shrouded with the dark hair that had now dried of the rain outside. Sirius took the wand from James, who too was watching the pair intently, watching the fire stirring behind Sirius' eyes. He too was shocked at how calm Sirius remained as he held out Snape's wand. Yet as Snape reached out to take it, Sirius allowed the wand to slip through his fingers and clatter to the slabs below. Remus gulped hard as he watched the smirk engulf Sirius' features; watched the pale, calm fury spark within Snape's black eyes as he stooped to pick it up.

As he straightened and slid his wand back into his robes, Snape paused, something dangerous crossing his face as he hissed towards James, "You should really be more careful in choosing your targets from now on. Those who are powerless do not always remain so."

"You don't frighten me with your empty threats Snivellous."

Snape's mouth twitched at the insult, yet his eyes twinkled dangerously and, before he turned to leave he replied, "And that will always be your first mistake."

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Well? Please review if you're reading! 


	9. Chapter 9

A/N:Well for those who are reading and enjoying, here be the next chapter. Please remember to review if you do!

Disclaimer: I don't own it so don't sue!

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James was silent as he walked; no longer scanning the halls for prospective praise, no longer holding his head high. Now his eyes were vacant, completely unaware of his surroundings and as he strode swiftly up the stairs towards the portrait of the Fat Lady, Remus could hear that he was mumbling under his breath. They had hardly said a word since they had walked away; away from Snape and his now normally large nose. As Remus turned his eyes cautiously to Sirius he saw that he too was engrossed in his own thoughts, completely unaware that they had just walked straight past Marianne Merrydew, who had tried to attract Sirius' attention by whispering his name softly.

"I don't like it," James said, more coherently than his self addressed mumblings, halting as the stairs swung to change. "I don't like what Snivellous said…"

"Which part?" Sirius said coldly. Remus already knew what part of the speech had disturbed James the most. It had disturbed him too, to hear Snape so confidently inform them that the hunted would soon become the hunters…that everything was going to change. A shiver crossed Remus' heart and as he ran his fingers idly through his sandy hair, replaying in his mind the words of James and the Slytherin boy: _You don't frighten me with your empty threats Snivellous. And that will always be your first mistake._ There had been something unusual about this confrontation. There had been something which had made it feel so different to the others. Not a day went by without something of this kind occurring; James and Sirius would taunt Snape, push him and hex him until they grew tired, laughing as he would hiss words of warning to the Marauders. This was common enough. But something about the way his eyes had danced when he had stared at James; something about the coldness that laced his words caused Remus to shudder. The response to Sirius dropping the wand had been too cool, too collected. There had been something about what Snape had said which had just struck Remus as odd.

"I think you're right," Remus said slowly, his eyes focused on the stairs which continued to swing, uncertain about the ways in which they wanted to change. He felt his friend's eyes on him as he continued, "There was something about Snape that just didn't seem…normal…"

Sirius laughed; a cold, mirthless laugh completely devoid of any real humour as he said, "Normal? Since when has our darling Severus been known for being _normall_?" He had expected James to laugh but he did not, and Remus watched the look of concern grow on Sirius' dark features as he watched his best friend gaze absently into the paintings, ignoring what was being said.

"Besides," Sirius continued, his voice less sharp then before, addressing James directly "You know what he's like. All mouth, no trousers if you ask me. Typical Slytherin…thinks the sun shines out of his arse simply because he's _pure!_" His voice contained a shudder as he said this, yet something about the way he continued seem to contain so much of his typical arrogance as he ended, "Perhaps I could understand if he wasn't a half-blood himself. Bloody hypocrite!"

James turned to Sirius, his face suddenly light with a thought that had struck him. Remus noticed the caution he applied; his voice was soft and hesitant as he asked, "Padfoot has anything been happening lately, you know, with your family?" Remus knew the reaction this would inspire and, true to form, Sirius' face twisted into a familiar expression of disdain.

"What do you mean?"

James threw a look to Remus which he acted upon immediately, taking a step towards Sirius as he began calmly, "I think what Prongs is saying is that…well…with your family being who they are they would know, wouldn't they? They would be the first to know if something was…going wrong…"

"Don't you think I would have told you?" Sirius snapped, setting off up the now settled staircase in attempt to escape the questions of his friends. Remus and James followed swiftly, however, catching up with him in time to hear him say "Don't you think I would have said if something had happened?"

_No, no you wouldn't have_ Remus thought. Sirius stopped as if he had heard what Remus had been thinking; his grey eyes boring down into his in an attempt to hear more of what Remus was saying inside. Remus did not flinch under this scrutiny; this intimacy did not seem to make him feel as uncomfortable as it made Sirius feel. He could stand his friends eyes delving, he could embrace the vulnerability such a study inspired. It was times like these Remus knew that he was stronger; he was stronger than Sirius could ever be and, true enough, it was Sirius who looked away, exhausted, unable to continue the silent messages that seemed to pass between them.

"I'm just saying…" James breathed heavily as they began to walk again, swiftly climbing the stairs to the portrait of the Fat Lady "I'm just trying to make sense of what Snape said."

"Well don't you think it's pretty obvious? He was just trying to rile you up, that's all. It's the only weapon he has isn't it; words?" Inwardly, Remus disagreed; he had always thought that they had underestimated Snape; that both James and Sirius had just assumed that because Snape seemed such an obvious target, that he was happy to play the victim too. Oh no Remus thought to himself, suppressing the views he longed to express for fear of angering Sirius further; Snape was not like Peter. Peter played the victim. In a perverse way, Remus knew he enjoyed it. He saw the momentary delight that would pass on his face when James and Sirius would finally acknowledge his existence with a taunt, or a hex, or a potion that were just dying to test. He waited for the attention that such moments brought; Remus saw him suppress a smile of joy every time that James and Sirius seemed to find humour in taunting him. Severus Snape was much more dangerous than that.

As they reached the landing in front of the Fat Lady Remus could hear a familiar wheezing noise behind him and, on turning round, he saw that Peter had been following them, books clasped close to his chest, his face was red with running. Neither Sirius nor James seemed to notice that Peter had arrived and as they muttered the password Remus couldn't hear what else they were saying over Peter's questions.

"Wha…what's going on? What was that they were saying about Sn…?"

"The prodigal son returns!" Sirius said, suddenly halting in the portrait hole, turning to look at Peter. "Been swotting up again, Wormtail? Any more of this and I'll have to get you to help me with my Transfiguration essays instead of Moony."

"Well…I…" Peter mumbled before blushing, his nails digging into the leather bindings of the books he carried. Remus could feel his tongue loosening as Sirius sniggered cruelly, throwing a warning look to the Fat Lady to mind her own business. He could feel the urge to speak rising and almost without thinking he found himself saying, "You shouldn't snap at Peter just because he asks a question! He wasn't here, he didn't know!"

"What do you care?" Sirius retorted sharply, his eyes glowing dangerously. "You're obviously more interested in talking to that Figg girl, than you are in remembering who your real friends are!" At once Remus froze, Sirius' words hitting him, catching him off guard. He stood confused, open-mouthed, unable to process what Sirius had just said. What was it that he had just been accused of? James' eyes were moving between Remus and Sirius, who was standing in the portrait hole, hair in front of his eyes, his cheeks flushed scarlet. He said nothing now although his lips were moving to form an apology he couldn't bring himself to say. Eventually he stopped and, after clicking his tongue hotly, Sirius moved through the hole and into the Gryffindor common room, gesturing that they should follow. Remus' mind was whirring as he watched his friends climb in behind Sirius. Peter had obviously forgotten the insults of earlier and was desperately trying to quiz James about what his game plan was for Thursday. Remus followed, Sirius' comment still ringing in his ears as he stepped into the Common room in time to see James and Peter disappearing up the stairs of the tower.

The portrait swung close behind him yet as he moved to take his seat by the fire he felt a hand grasp his wrist and prevent him from moving. Remus could feel the tough, familiar hand strengthen its hold on the soft skin of his wrist; he could hear the unfamiliar, unsteady breaths of Sirius as he turned to face the friend that had seized him. Sirius' face grew dark and earnest, the sides of his mouth twitching slightly as Remus' eyes sought the answers to the questions that he knew that must be asked. Finally Sirius released his wrist and paused uncertainly before saying, "I don't mean it you know. I just loose my temper and don't think. I never mean it."

Remus smiled, able to forgive Sirius instantly as he read the remorse in his words. He allowed the warmth of his smile to spread to his amber eyes, and he felt them grow loving as he reassuringly placed a hand on Sirius' shoulder. He felt the jolt pass through Sirius' body as he did so, he could sense the way Sirius was restraining himself; his body swaying ever so slightly closer, yet always being pulled back by some invisible force that only Sirius could control. Something about this warmth burnt him and, after a moment of indulging in the intimacy of Remus' forgiveness, he pulled back, flashing a confident smile before disappearing up the stairs in search of Peter and James.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Sorry that its been such a long time (compared to the speed I usually update) I just have been really busy. Hopefully all you readers are still out there and interested. Thank you to those who wrote such encouraging reviews. Here is another chapter which brings us back to the present (as we have spent alot of time in the Marauders past). Hopefully you'll enjoy this little interlude. Don't forget to review!

Disclaimer: J K Rowling is responsible for the wonderful world of Harry Potter, not me.

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How long has he been sitting, head in hands, his limbs now frozen? The coldness of the house has seized him and now he can barely move. It hurts to raise his head and stare at the wallpaper once more. He had meant to boil the kettle; he had meant to repair the cup that he had smashed. Yet as he looks he sees the shards of blue and white china still lying on the floor. With a grim sense of satisfaction he imagines what Kreacher's reaction would have been if he had been here to witness this; a precious, Black possession broken; its fragments disregarded. Remus can almost feel his lips giving way to a smile; a smile that he cannot allow himself to express as he presses his back into the chair before, very slowly, rising to his feet.

As he stands, his head spins, the blood rushing there too quickly and for a moment Remus feels dizzy. He grasps the back of the chair to steady himself as he waits for the world to stop spinning. He waits for the black clouds to clear from his eyes. Does he need to sleep, he suddenly thinks. The yawns that rise in his lungs betray him. When was the last time he slept? Remus thinks and cannot remember. But he remembers lying on the bed fully clothed, staring up at the ceiling for hours; trying to make sense of the shadows and the peeling plaster. Yet he cannot remember his eyes closing; he doesn't know the last time he allowed himself to slip off and away from the waking world. It seemed wrong to even pretend to be at peace for long enough to sleep; every dream would be a lie. When it had first happened he had slept for weeks; allowing his mind to indulge in the subconscious desires of dreaming; seeking solace in what he could will his mind to see in the night. It had comforted him to know that all he had to do was close his eyes and everything could be forgotten; the suspicion, the arguments, the final confrontation could mean nothing. The twelve years in Azkaban simply slipped by; there was no pain in these dreams. Sometimes he would see a glance, feel a smile and his heart would trip over itself knowing that he could still conjure these images so clearly after the man that had bestowed them had gone. He liked these dreams the best; where images would melt into one another, and leave him feeling soft and satisfied as he gave way to the gentle peace of the night.

Yet sometimes these nights were feverish; sometimes he could feel the full moon drawing close and soft dreams could turn to nightmares. He urged himself to wake. He could not however; his mind would not let him. Instead he would witness those grey eyes growing distant as his friend would turn away, and laugh mercilessly at Remus' pain and guilt. _It didn't mean anything._ He would hear him speak; hear his breath rasp over the words he had never spoken._ How could it mean anything to me?_ These nights seemed endless, fitful, and as Remus struggled beneath the moth eaten sheets he felt the monster within crawling under his flesh, and he would bite the pillow in his sleep and stifle the howls of pain. It was after this that the dreams had stopped and he had forsaken sleep entirely.

Remus' eyes are clearer, becoming focused once more as he turns to leave the kitchen, switching off the humming electric lights that seem to make everything seem faded and brown. He should be here he thinks as he opens the door, his feet heavy as he drags himself along the hallway towards the staircase. He should be here to help make sense of it all. As he walks his eyes alight on the velvet curtain which is pulled across Sirius' mother's portrait and inside he hopes she'll speak; that she will shout insults about Remus and about the son she has finally lost. He wants to be able to turn his uncertain hatred on her. Yet the portrait remains silent; she has been silent since the day he died, and Remus thinks on what he would say if he only knew.

As he reaches the bottom of the stair case he pauses, allowing his hand to grasp the banister firmly to steady him self once more. Why did he have to remember now he thinks, blinking up into the blackness that waits for him above? What good would it do to dwell on things that had seemed so insignificant; lost within memories? Yet ever since he had left Harry on the hills outside Hogsmeade he had been consumed in the past; unable to remember clearly, yet unable to forget. And as he whispers "_Lumos" _gently in the night he struggles to make sense of what he remembers, as he begins to climb the stairs, shrouded in the pale blue light.

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Well? Opinions and suggestions very welcome! 


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Where have all the faithful reviewers disappeared to? Have you all forsaken me? I know that alot of people are reading this story so PLEASE start letting me know what you think. I am really enjoying writing this and it would be nice to know what those of you who are reading do think (especially as this fic is going to be a longer one than Patient Potions Master).

Anyway, we go back into the past again now (having reminded you all what Remus is actually currently doing). The suspense and intrigue begin to build in this match as we approach, what will be, a turbulent Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Rvaenclaw. Hope you enjoy reading and PLEASE remember to review!

Thanks to Megan for, yet again, deleting all my un-necessary semi colons!

Disclaimer: I've I owned these characters I would be J.K.Rowling and would be, in fact, in the middle of writing the final Harry Potter book and wouldn't have time to post stories on here. So don't sue

The days had passed smoothly since then; James seemed to be too focused on the upcoming match to dwell on Snape's words of warning for long. Sirius had lost the venom that had caused him to be so snappy and short tempered, and things once again returned to a happy equilibrium of teasing remarks and quick, confident smiles.

Remus couldn't help but feel relieved. The tension that had been gradually building since the start of term had grown unbearable. Sirius's cutting remarks seemed a little too swift, a little too scathing to be taking in the light hearted way they were usually intended. Remus had noticed that Sirius had been quick to react hotly as he, in turn, had been quick to jump to Peter's defence. He was in part to blame for the animosity between them. Perhaps it would be easier if this were true; if Remus could blame Sirius entirely for what had been growing between them. Instead, Remus acknowledged that, recently, he had jumped in a little too quickly when Sirius attacked Peter. He had, perhaps, been a little too ready to defend and to scold. Remus knew that Sirius never meant it, that he would never consciously say anything would truly hurt anyone. Yet recently Remus felt that he needed, more than ever, to bite back on Peter's behalf. Such arguments and hot words had become habit between them since the start of their sixth year; words that were said in a temper and then swiftly forgotten with the most tender of looks…it could all be explained away though…of course…

Since that soft touch in the Common room after their confrontation with Snape, Remus noticed that Sirius had become more subdued. He indulged James more than he had before when he would speak at length about his latest plan to attract Lily Evans' attention. He even paid attention to Peter occasionally when he was bouncing excitedly beside them as they walked through the corridors. Remus found he was able to relax, to not feel the need to be constantly prepared for an argument that he knew that would come. He found that now things had returned to the way they used to be, he could quite happily sit for hours in their dormitory, half listening to James and Sirius playing exploding Snap, half reading. He had even joined in when James began to mock Sirius for the attentions he was receiving from Marianne Merrydew. James had strutted round the room as if intoxicated; his voice high pitched as he imitated what he believed they might speak about in private. Peter had suppressed his giggles; Remus had laughed out loud, only to be met with a pillow in the face that Sirius had flung across the room.

Yet now as Remus watched Sirius scraping the last of his cereal from his bowl he realised that despite the calmness that these days had brought…he missed it. He missed the fire in his stomach as fought the urge to snap. He missed the way his mind would prepare him for all possible insults that Sirius could use; thinking of a witty retort for each one. He found himself wishing sometimes that Peter would just do something stupid, so inexplicably stupid that Sirius would just have to say something; and he could, once more, take the moral high ground.

Sirius let his spoon clatter in his bowl as he leant back and stretched his arms above his head, yawning. Remus missed the way those eyes would lock with his. He missed the way that he could only feel irrational when Sirius provoked him. Remus looked down into his own bowl and gulped hard, a thought, which hadn't ever occurred to him before, crossing his mind. Maybe it wasn't the confrontation he missed. He wasn't, by nature, an argumentative person. Remus looked up from his bowl to Sirius, whose eyes were fixed on the powdery blue sky of the Great Hall ceiling. Maybe what he missed so much was the moments of forgiveness…the moments that James and Peter never witnessed…the moments when Remus felt that he and Sirius were completely alone…

Sirius' eyes had dropped and he had noticed that Remus had been staring. Remus fought the urge to blush, yet it was hard not to when Sirius raised a suspicious eyebrow and flashed one of his characteristically seductive smiles. Remus took a gulp of his pumpkin juice and, digging his elbow into James who was sitting beside him, nodded in Sirius' direction before saying, "Anymore of this and I'll think he's coming on to me."

James, who had been on edge ever since he had woken and realised that the match with Ravenclaw was today, cracked a smile. Remus' face remained passive for a moment as Sirius' eyebrow fell; a confused scowl replacing the smile before he mumbled, "You wish Moony."

"Ha ha ha!" Every inch of James' laughter was sarcastic, successfully hiding Remus' look of complete embarrassment with the words, "Honestly Padfoot sometimes I wonder if you really do believe you are god's gift to women…."

"And men!" Peter offered who, up until this point, had pretended to be engrossed in an article in _The Daily Prophet_ whose headline read _Tension grows as Giants cut communications_. Sirius flicked a soggy cornflake at Peter's head before articulating slowly, raising a hand to his head and pretending swoon, "It's not my fault none of you understand what it's like to be impossibly handsome." Peter looked confused but James laughed. Sirius winked at Remus who too gave way to the joke and began to chuckle despite himself.

Their laughter was interrupted however when the post arrived; each student that was seated for breakfast turned their eyes expectantly to the owls that were swooping above. Remus looked for a moment, not really expecting to see anything from home. He was surprised, however, to see a large, dark Eagle Owl heading towards their table. Peter yelped as it landed. Confused, Sirius picked up the letter which the owl had dropped and, without offering it the smallest of thankful gestures, allowed the owl to hoot disapprovingly and take off.

After turning the envelope over in his hands and seeing the familiar Black family crest that had been pressed in the wax to seal it, Sirius had placed the letter back on the table, and proceeded to ignore it. Remus looked at James who too had seen the crest.

"Maybe they just want to wish you luck for the game?" James offered as a tentative joke. Sirius did not smile however, and continued to scowl down at the envelope before Remus said gently, "You should open it though…it could be an emergency…"

All eyes were on Sirius as he licked his fingers clean before, leaning forward slightly; he slid his finger under the envelope and broke the seal. Remus watched as he unfolded the parchment, yet his eyes were not where Peter and James' were. He was not attempting to read what was written in the letter. His eyes were firmly fixed on Sirius' face as he read; his grey eyes scanning the parchment swiftly, his face growing dark and unreadable.

He finished and after flicking his hair from his eyes pushed the parchment back inside the envelope and stared into his pumpkin juice for a very long time. No-one spoke. Peter shifted nervously. James seemed to be thinking of what he could say to get Sirius to reveal the letter's contents to him. Remus, on the other hand, was still watching Sirius gaze down into his cup, watching the way his eyes had grown solemn as he looked up eventually to scan the Slytherin table.

"What did it say Padfoot?" Peter asked his voice small and nervous. Both James and Remus stared at him, shocked that it would be he, of all people that should take it upon him self to ask. It was almost as if Sirius hadn't heard however as he rose to his feet, grabbing the letter and stuffing it inside his robes; his eyes still on the Slytherins as he said, "I've got to go and…do something. Meet you before Quidditch." And with that he climbed over the bench and made his way across the Great Hall.

The rest of the Marauders watched him go; watched him make his way over to a shorter, darker, more contemptuous looking Slytherin boy whose eyes were the same as Sirius', though they contained none of his humour or warmth. Remus saw the way Regulus raised his hand to stop the girl beside him from speaking. He watched as Sirius leant down, his face pale with displeasure as he hissed something into Regulus' ear. Regulus had only been giving Sirius half of his attention until now, yet something Sirius had said caused his eyes to fix on his elder brother's face before he stood up and, after muttering something to the Slytherins that surrounded him, followed Sirius out of the hall.

"What do you think Moony?" James voice broke Remus' gaze and as he turned back to face James he saw that the concern he felt was mirrored in his friend's face.

"I don't know…" Remus said quietly, shaking his head slightly. "I just don't know."

Please review as it makes me very happy xxx


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Okay my faithful few who are following this...I know its been FAR too long since I updated but I have returned for my second year at Uni and everything is more than a little hectic. Although some of you are still reading and no reviewing (you know who you are) I shall continue to update for those who are enjoying reading this.

Time for an all important Quidditch match to take place. It was interesting to write and I hope you enjoy it.

Thanks again to Megan for smoothing everything out (although this chapter didn't have as many typos in as the last).

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry or anything vaguely Potter related except for the actual books themselves. There is no need to sue.

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The tension in the stands was palpable as Remus squeezed past Peter and took his seat beside him. Remus made no effort to hide the fact that he was not exactly what anyone would consider a Quidditch fan, which frustrated James and Sirius to no end. He had never felt he fully understood just what it was that made James in particular so passionate. He had only ever known James to speak fondly of two things; Quidditch and Lily Evans. No, Remus suddenly corrected himself, feeling the way that Peter was twitching anxiously beside him; that wasn't fair.

Remus' eyes scanned the faces of the excited Gryffindors around him; some were clutching enchanted banners, others were wearing badges. Some were simply shouting as if to make them selves hoarse. All were wearing the familiar colours of red and gold. Remus tightened the scarf about his neck; the first chills of winter could be felt keenly in the air as they slowly approached the end of October. Yet as he blinked up at the sky he couldn't imagine more perfect conditions for Quidditch; the air, though cold, was devoid of wind; and the pale, autumn sun touched everything with its mellow rays. Remus closed his eyes, his head full of the cheers around him and exhaled deeply. Even Remus Lupin, a boy who cared nothing for Quidditch, could not help but feel exhilarated at such moments.

"Could it be that Mister Lupin is actually getting excited over a Quidditch match?" A familiar girl's voice broke the moment and Remus' opened his eyes and smiled at the red-haired Gryffindor girl that was sat beside him. Lily smiled back, her green eyes dancing with the joke, a light wind whipping up her hair. The more time Remus spent with Lily, the more he grew to understand why James had been obsessing about her virtually since their first year at Hogwarts. Lily Evans was not your typical sixteen year old girl. Of course she possessed that naive charm that Remus so appreciated in some of the girls in his year; but Lily seemed to be able to use this to make friends, and to see the best in people…even in people like him.

"Well…" Remus said quietly, his lips curling into a sardonic smile, "I have to keep the children happy somehow." A ripple of laughter escaped her and, as she leant forward to look past him to Peter, Remus could once again appreciate the unique beauty that was all her own.

"Hello Peter."

Peter turned and blinked as if he hadn't seen her, his eyes snapping away as hoots from the other side of the pitch told them that the players were making their way into the air. Sure enough when Remus looked over he saw the teams swoop out onto the pitch; the Ravenclaw team dressed in blue and bronze, clearly distinguishable from the Gryffindor team who were now flying over to the stands. The Gryffindors cheered; Peter jumped to his feet and waved frantically to James who did not even acknowledge him, as he instead his eyes fixed on Lily and winked. Lily turned as if she didn't care and said something to Remus, but she was not quick enough. Remus saw the blush that had suddenly sprung into her cheeks yet before he could tease her for it his attention was caught by the commentator.

"Well it looks like perfect Quidditch conditions today for the first match of the season; Ravenclaw versus Gryffindor." Remus recognised the voice as that of Crispin Thompson; a third year Hufflepuff boy who famously cried in his first year when Peeves had dropped books on his head. "Both teams have been training since the beginning of term and it looks like they are both in excellent form. We could be in for a close match this afternoon…I see that the Ravenclaws have found themselves a new Seeker. But will Nathaniel Starkey be enough to stop James Potter?"

"Not bloody likely!" Peter shouted. Lily laughed and rolled her eyes. The players had moved into their starting positions and Remus could clearly make out the figure of Sirius, his eyes firmly fixed on Quaffle that was yet to be released by the referee. Directly opposite him Remus saw Eleanor Figg, her blonde hair scrapped up out of her face, her eyes too fixed on the Quaffle. Remus gulped as he watched her from this distance, the sunlight illuminating the look of concentration on her face. In fact he was so transfixed that he nearly jumped out of his seat when the whistle blew, the stands erupted into cheers, and the players that had been hovering gently, suddenly sprung into action.

"And they're off! Ravenclaw take possession of the Quaffle straight away. Gaunt passes it to Figg; narrowly missing a Bludger…looks like the Gryffindor Beaters have been practicing their technique. Althrop attempts to intercept the Quaffle yet is blocked by Gaunt. Are Ravenclaw are going to take the first points of the match?" Remus craned his neck and saw Eleanor halt in front of the rings, and, with what seemed like great ease, threw the Quaffle through the tallest one. "Eleanor Figg scores! Ten points to Ravenclaw!" The Ravenclaws cheered. Peter buried his head in his hands and muttered something under his breath.

"Gryffindor take possession. Althrop has the Quaffle and is looking for Black to make a pass…Oof…" Remus winced as he saw the Bludger hit Anthony Althrop, a Gryffindor Chaser, squarely in the chest. Althrop doubled over, his face red, the Quaffle slipping out of his hands.

"What a catch by Black!" Sirius had pre-empted the drop and had positioned himself underneath in order to catch the Quaffle. "Black is really moving down the pitch now. The Ravenclaw Beaters can't seem to reach him. Doesn't look as if he's looking for a pass…looks like he's going straight to goal." Sure enough Sirius had flown straight past Althrop and Frost, yet he suddenly found his way blocked by Eleanor who had been swooping along side him and had pulled up in front.

"Black doesn't seem put off by Figg's obstruction. Is he really going to attempt a long goal?" Peter was on his feet expectantly. Sirius had pulled up and paused for but a moment before throwing the Quaffle in the direction of the hoops. All the Gryffindors held their breath as they watched it fly through air, before erupting into cheers as the Quaffle went in.

"Wow! What a goal by Sirius Black! Ten points to Gryffindor!" James had flown to where Sirius was and was patting him on the back.

"Looks like there is a little trouble between the Ravenclaw Beaters down the other end." Remus looked up and saw a blonde boy called Alistair Roberts, and a fourth year boy with curly black hair called Craig Gilbert shouting at each other down the end of the pitch. "Arielle Rochelle seems to be trying to smooth things out, but at the great expense of the Ravenclaw team. Gryffindor are back in possession."

Above their heads Remus could see the three Chasers of the Gryffindor team gliding along beside one another, Sirius in the centre of their formation with the Quaffle in his hand. "Althrop learns from his mistake and narrowly avoids the Bludger…Roberts and Gilbert seem to have sorted things out…Ouch!" Remus watched as one of the Ravenclaw Chasers, a short, foxy looking fifth year named Christopher Clearwater was struck on the arm with the Bludger, slumping heavily over his broomstick, howling in pain. Sirius didn't seem to notice however, his eyes were once again fixed on the hoops in front of him, and on the Ravenclaw keeper who was bent low over his broom, staring at the Chasers that approached.

Yet as he threw the Quaffle, Eleanor zoomed and intercepted it, grabbing and swiftly holding it against her chest as she nodded to Clearwater who narrowly avoided another Bludger as he retreated back up the pitch. Eleanor threw the Quaffle with all her might and, to the horror of the Gryffindors; Clearwater caught it, raced straight past the Gryffindor Keeper and scored. If Remus had been able to see Sirius' face he would have seen how black and dangerous it had become as he pulled his broom up sharply, and began to tail Eleanor, his eyes fixed on the back of her blonde head.

Remus gasped as he saw the way Sirius flew along side her, his broom skirting closely against hers, their shoulders only inches apart. Sirius seemed to flash a twisted smile which she repaid with a dig of the elbow for good measure. For a moment their eyes were locked, yet Remus exhaled as he saw that they had turned their attentions to the Quaffle which was now plummeting towards the ground.

"Potter has seen the Snitch!" The excitement in Crispin Thompson's voice caused Remus to turn his attention from the pair of Chasers to the pair of Seekers that were now whipping their way in and out of the stands. Starkey's face was pale with determination as he tried desperately to close the gap between them; but Remus knew that James was too talented a flyer to be easily caught.

Most of the Gryffindors were on their feet; Peter seemed to have been holding his breath since the first whistle had been blown, and was almost purple as he concentrated on the pair that was chasing the Snitch. Even Lily had stood up, her green eyes fixed on James, whose arm was stretched out in front of him, clawing desperately at the air. Even Remus could feel the moment seize him; could feel the excitement coursing through his veins as he silently willed James just to stretch that little bit further.

Suddenly James snapped back his arm, his broom wobbling slightly as he struggled to correct himself. Lily gasped and Remus couldn't help but smile at the concern she would never admit to. The Ravenclaws seemed to already know that the game was lost and, sure enough, as James held the Golden Snitch triumphantly in the air, the whole of the Gryffindor stand shrieked with delight as Crispin Thompson said, "James Potter has caught the Snitch! Gryffindor win!"

Peter yelled and clutched at Remus' robes. Remus turned to Lily and expected her to be smiling too, yet she was not. Instead, she had one hand clutched to her mouth as she pointed out once more onto the pitch. Remus gulped as she saw what she was pointing out; clearly seeing the form of Eleanor Figg, her nose bloody, slip off of her broomstick and fall heavily to the ground below. The Ravenclaws yelled. Rochelle, the Ravenclaw Captain descended at once, and was running over to the unconscious girl; the referee in hot pursuit. Even James had landed and, with one hand still grasping the fluttering Snitch, was looking on concerned. In fact, only one player remained in the air and as Remus raised his eyes to the sky he could clearly see the sillhoutte of Sirius against the azure sky, disappearing into the distance in a flash of scarlet and gold.

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Reviews are welcome and very much appreciated! (I will not resort to begging!) 


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Well I guess one review is better than no review so thank you! It's nice to know that people are actually reading this (even though I do get alot of joy out of writing it for myself, there would hardly be any point of posting it here if it was just for myself.) That was rather an evil cliff hanger wasn't it? I'm sorry but there are reasons behind it, which will become clear in due course.

How will Remus react to what Sirius has done? What was in the mysterious letter Sirius recieved? All will be revealed in the following chapter...what are you waiting for...read on and find out!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Marauders, I just manipulate them. No need to sue.

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Remus buried his head in his hands, his fingers scraping back his sandy hair as he wearily rubbed the back of his stiff neck. He had lost track of the time he had been sitting here, his back pressed against the wall, his knees tucked under his chin. He could feel the beginnings of pins and needles prickling its way through his legs and as he let his head rest back against the wall, he shivered at the coldness that seeped through the stones and into the warm flesh of his neck.

Remus often came to the Astronomy Tower to think; he had very quickly memorised the timetable and he now knew exactly when the rooms would be free. In the first three years of his time at Hogwarts, when he was still afraid that the few friends he had made would abandon him as soon as they found out what he was, he had come to the Astronomy Tower to escape. He had sat in the very spot he was now sitting; watching the golden orbs float gently on the air, listening to the comforting noise of the clicking machines that measured the ever changing skies. Then, Remus had spent his time nervously racking his brain for the excuse he would use for the next full moon; an excuse that he hadn't already used. Back then he hadn't been sure whether or not he had convinced Peter, James and Sirius that his mother was sick, and it was this that caused him to be absent so often. He saw the way that Sirius swallowed hard at breakfast on the morning before the full moon, when he would stammer that he would be off over the next few days. He had hated lying.

It seemed that he hadn't quite lost the habit of coming to the Astronomy Tower; even long after the Marauders had discovered his lycanthropy. Only now, as he sat, pulling his robes tighter about him to prevent the cold seizing him further, he found himself not feeling like the nervous fourteen year old he had once been. Instead, as he closed his eyes and once again saw the bloodied face of Eleanor Figg in his mind, he found himself trembling slightly, not with the cold, but with a slow, smouldering fury.

Remus' eyes shot open as he heard the large doors of the Astronomy Tower creak open beneath him, as he heard the ragged breaths of whomever it was that had entered. Remus shuffled back against the wall in attempt to obscure his feet from view yet it was too late, as a familiar voice from below called, "You can come out now. I know you're up there."

Remus gulped hard as he stood up, turning, leaning over the golden rail of the balconied section that ran round the entire circumference of the tower. Sirius was looking up at him; he had yet to change out of his Quidditch robes, which were smeared with blood and mud. Sirius pushed his dark hair from out of his face and said calmly, "I've been looking for you everywhere…you disappeared straight after the match."

"I just don't understand why," Remus had begun to say, his voice trembling ever so slightly as he began to descend down to where Sirius was standing. "I don't understand why you did it."

Sirius' forehead wrinkled in confusion, his eyes were narrow and seeking an explanation in Remus' face.

"And you and James wonder why I've never liked Quidditch…" At once Sirius understood; his face became dark and rigid as he watched Remus slowly approach.

"I'm not sure I like what you're accusing me of."

"Come off it Padfoot. I saw…the whole school saw what happened out there. And now Eleanor is laid up in the hospital wing with a broken nose, and you're here attempting to excuse what you did."

Remus had felt the heat behind the words which he had spoken; he felt the way his chest was rising and falling rapidly as he struggled to remain composed. He was, by a long way, the most patient amongst them. Even when he was made a Prefect in his fifth year, Remus had continued to let them get away with most things. But today Sirius had crossed the line…this time forgiveness was not going to come easily. Sirius had folded his arms across his chest and was staring frozen at Remus, who was now only standing a little way in front of him.

"I'm not attempting to excuse anything," Sirius' voice was snappish and as strained as Remus', his eyes were fixed on Remus' face. "I simply wanted to come and find you to…"

"It's not me you should be apologising to." Remus began to pace frantically, shaking his head, attempting to rid himself of the face of Eleanor Figg. Yet he could clearly see in his mind the way her blonde hair had strewn across her face as she had fallen, almost lifeless, to the ground. Once more he could see Sirius fly off into the distance, no doubt in attempt to escape whatever punishment he was going to be given. Remus' amber eyes were flashing as he struggled to remain calm. "You should be down there, right now," he pointed to the doors Sirius had entered by, "You should be down there apologising to her."

"Why do you care so much whether a stupid little Ravenclaw like Figg should break her nose?" Sirius' voice was vindictive; this insult had been designed to hurt. A slight smile had begun to creep into the corners of his mouth before he finished, "You don't have a _soft_ spot for her, do you Moony?"

Remus could not find it in himself to blush; his face was already red with the anger he was feeling. Yet he could not hide the way his voice was unsteady and uncertain as he shook his head and said, "It's beside the point. The reason I care so much Padfoot is that I could never have believed it…even of you…" The rest of Remus' words dried on his lips as he saw the way Sirius' face dropped; the way that the mirth that had been present in his eyes and in the corners of his mouth faded swiftly to be replaced with his characteristically malevolent look.

"Do you honestly believe I could do that?" Sirius' voice was smooth, cool yet his face remained dark as he blinked steadily at Remus. For a moment Remus could have almost believed that he was mistaken; that he hadn't seen Sirius fly away when Eleanor had fallen. It would have been so easy to forgive him, like he was so used to. This argument could all be forgotten and they could return to they way it had been all this week; when he, Sirius, Peter and James had forgotten the previous tension, and returned to the way they had been for years before.

"I…I…" Remus' courage seemed to be failing; all conviction seemed to be leaving as he paced backwards and forwards. He wasn't weak…he couldn't allow this to happen again and, after swallowing hard, he allowed his irritation to wash over him as he looked at Sirius and snapped, "Why do you always have to make things so bloody difficult Padfoot? Why can't you just admit when you're wrong? Why won't you let go of your pride?"

"I have nothing to admit to!" Sirius' voice had become venomous as he had snapped his head round, sending his dark hair falling in front of his face. Impatiently he pushed it backwards, muttering something to himself before turning his attention once more to Remus.

"So you deny it then?" Remus stood waiting, feeling the air in the Tower grow tense between them. It had been cold before Sirius' arrival yet now all around seemed to pulse with heat, despite the frozen expression on Sirius' face. Eventually Sirius leant back against the wall, his eyes unreadable as he articulated slowly, "I have no reason to deny it. I mean what would be the point? As you have already so helpfully pointed out, the whole school saw what happened."

"And still you show no remorse?" Remus' voice wavered with disbelief, his eyes fixed on the face of his friend. Sirius was unreadable as he slumped back against the wall, his eyes drawn to the orbs that were floating languorously on the air. "Do you still believe you have nothing to apologise for?"

"Too quick Remus…far too quick…" Sirius had barely moved his lips but Remus had heard the words as he had exhaled them. It was hopeless, Remus could see that now, there was nothing that could be down. He had learned along time ago just how deep rooted Sirius' pride ran; a Black family trait he was yet to rid himself of, despite the loss of his pure-blood fervour. There was nothing Remus could do to make his friend apologise, or even acknowledge, what he had done that afternoon.

"Is this all that is between us now Moony?" Sirius seemed to be addressing the orbs as he spoke. Remus, shocked by the stillness and softness of Sirius' words faltered, his anger forgotten as he said confused, "What? I don't understand…"

"It doesn't matter," Sirius snapped, his voice regaining its bitter edge as he straightened, thrusting his hands in his pockets with the words, "Well you won't have to put up with my little outbursts at all next week…_mother_ has called us home…"

"The letter…" Remus' voice was full of a shameful concern, as he took a step to breach the distance between them. "The letter…this morning…but why?"

For a moment Sirius looked as if he was going to answer, his face had softened considerably and he appeared to be swaying in Remus' direction. Yet as if he suddenly remembered the things that had been said he took a step backwards, his eyes gleaming bitterly, "Take an interest now, don't we? Forgive me if I'm not exactly in the mood to tell you."

"How can you stand there as if it is my fault? You know I can't stand the way you are…the way you get sometimes. I would never have expected you to do what you did this afternoon. I can't believe it."

"And yet you do," Sirius let out a bark of laughter; before he kicked open the doors to the Astronomy Tower behind him. He paused, the laughter draining from his face, his eyes became cold and everything about his expression spelt out the distance between them.

"Never fear Remus!" Sirius bowed low, his dark hair falling in front of his face as he lifted his eyes. He had been mocking him before, yet now his voice became hesitant, his lips barely parted as he said more quietly than before, "Say goodbye to Prongs and Wormtail for me."

"Sirius!"

Yet his voice was lost as Sirius slammed the door, leaving Remus once again alone in the Astronomy Tower; his mind swimming with hot and harsh words, his eyes frozen on the orbs that floated gently above.

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Reviews would make me very happy! Hope you're all liking this! 


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Thank you to those of you who are faithfully sticking with this. I know its slow going but it's all about the tension you see. If I had them ripping each other's clothes off not only would you not believe it, it would make the rest of the story boring too. So stick with it and I hope you will enjoy it anyway!

I have been writing alot of this recently which I hope you'll be pleased to hear! So expect more rapid updates from now on.

Thanks once again to Meg who betas like a trooper (and listens to my very dubious metaphors!)

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, but I do own what I do to them. Don't sue.

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"I swear it was all an accident…" James bumbled aimlessly, his hands seeking the bed behind him without looking, as Madam Pomfrey tried desperately to help him take off his shoes before he got in the bed.

"What I'm trying to say is…well I'm not sure what I'm trying to say but there isn't any need to punish her. Isn't that right Remus?" James threw Remus a hopeful glance. He was prevented by replying, however, by Madam Promfrey interrupting, "There is no need for you to defend her James. She was seen by at least five others performing the hex. She has already been giving a week worth of detentions for it."

James had had his hands to his face since they had entered the hospital wing. Only now he seemed to forget about the large purple boils he had been hiding, allowing his hands to drop to the bed as he stammered, "B…but there isn't any need for that…honestly! It was all just a…a misunderstanding. Remus was there. He's a Prefect. He wouldn't lie!"

"Now don't you go getting poor Remus involved!" Madam Pomfrey's voice was threatening as she uncorked a bottle of brown, sticky liquid and began to pour it into an extremely large spoon. Remus couldn't help but smile as James turned up his nose at the sickly odour of the antidote, his glasses slightly askew as he shrunk away from the advancing nurse. Madam Pomfrey exhaled deeply, placing one hand on her hip as she continued, "Regardless of what you boys seem to think, he was not made a Prefect for you to take advantage of him."

Madam Pomfrey looked at Remus warmly, and he returned her look with an affectionate grin. He, probably more than anyone else in his year, had spent most time with her. She was the one that had been given the responsibility of leading him off Hogwarts grounds every month and towards the Whomping Willow. Sometimes he remembered with an abstract sort of amusement the hesitation she had shown in the beginning; when he had been an awkward and incredibly shy first year, and she had approached the task Dumbledore has given her with an expected amount of trepidation. Yet as the years had passed, they had grown to trust each other more. The tenderness and understanding Madam Pomfrey had shown in the days after the full moon, when Remus would be weakened and injured from the violence of his transformations, had transcended what could be expected between the ordinary patient and nurse. Remus appreciated her quiet concern.

Of course, the rest of the Marauders were not exactly strangers to Madam Pomfrey either. Hardly a week went by when one of them required a visit to the hospital wing (often, but not always, alongside their favourite victim Snape). And, however much she would scold them and roll her eyes, Remus knew that she was fond of them really.

"You're going to have to take this." James winced, sliding away from the spoon, closing his eyes as if this alone would make the sticky liquid disappear. Madam Pomfrey sighed before a mischievous smile curled the corners of her mouth as she said, "Well, of course, if you want to walk around for the next week with those boils…"

James' eyes shot open and with grim determination he took the spoon from Madam Pomfrey, closed his eyes, wrinkled his nose and swallowed down the liquid hard. Remus laughed as James spluttered, sticking out his tongue so the air would take the taste away.

"There we are!" Madam Pomfrey said triumphantly, re-corking the bottle. "In an hour or so those boils will be completely gone. And who knows..." She winked at Remus who had opened a copy of _The_ _Daily Prophet_ where he sat beside James. "Maybe you'll have better luck next time."

"I don't know why you have to laugh at your girlfriend's jokes Moony," James said, sulkily slipping down beneath the sheets. Remus stopped laughing and rolled his eyes. The boys often liked to tease that him and Madam Pomfrey were conducting some scandalous love affair.

"Don't strop with me just because she hexed you again. She warned you…didn't she warn you?"

"Bah!" James kicked the sheets off his legs and, after noticing something, he asked, "Where's Wormtail?"

Remus shrugged, allowing the paper to fold gently into his lap as he replied, "Last time I saw him he was scurrying off after you got yourself into this mess."

"Typical Peter…anything to get out of trouble." Remus sighed. It had been three days since both Sirius and Regulus had disappeared from school; it had been three days since Sirius and Remus had argued in the Astronomy Tower and Sirius had left words of farewell for James and Peter behind. There had been no contact from Sirius since. All the Marauders knew better than to Owl him at home. It had long been established that letters from whatever friends Sirius had made in Gryffindor were not welcome at Grimmauld Place. James had been anxious ever since; he felt the absence of his best friend and missed the way that in Sirius he had an ally in all things. It was just no fun victimising Snape or teasing Peter without him, and Remus was a poor replacement. Remus didn't mind this. It had nothing to do with his own friendship with James. He had long ago accepted, just had Peter had, that nothing could come between the friendship of James Potter and Sirius Black.

Remus watched the way James was blinking heavily; something in the medicine Madam Pomfrey had administered was making James sleepy and he yawned deeply as he waved a hand in Remus' directions with the words, "Get us a drink of water will you Moony?"

As Remus turned the faucet and watched the icy cold water splash down into the enamel basin, his mind was plagued with the heated words that had been uttered only days before. Once again he could see the mirth in Sirius' eyes as he coolly and unashamedly stated that he had nothing to apologise for. Remus let the glass fill and turned off the tap. As he turned to walk back to where James was laying, the same words he had been replaying over and over swam into his mind, and he could once again hear the hurt behind the voice that had spoken them… _Is this all that is between us now Moony?_ Once again he saw the dark haughtiness that had engulfed Sirius' features as he had bowed and left Remus standing in the Astronomy Tower. They had argued before, only this time there was something in Sirius' reactions that Remus could not place. There had been something about the way that Sirius had muttered under his breath _Too quick Remus…far too quick…_that gave Remus a nauseating feeling of guilt he could not shake.

A rattling snore shook Remus out of his reflection as he looked down at the sleeping form of James; mouth wide open, glasses crooked on his nose, his feet twisted awkwardly round the white linen sheets. Remus couldn't help but laugh as he felt a strong urge to add to the boils that were already starting to fade. His palms began to itch as he debated reaching inside his robe for his wand. No, he scolded himself, placing the glass of water on the table beside the bed; he couldn't hex a sleeping friend (however much Sirius and James seemed to ignore this basic rule). After carefully removing James' glasses and placing them beside the glass, Remus had moved to take the seat beside the bed once more, when he heard a familiar voice say, "One of Evans' hexes I take it?"

For the first time since they had entered the hospital wing, Remus looked over to the bed opposite and to the smiling face of Eleanor Figg. Her blonde hair was pinned back messily, and idle strands fell down over her shoulders. She was wearing a bronze and blue Ravenclaw jumper that looked about three sizes too big; her bed was strewn with magazines and Chocolate Frog packets and crumbs from eaten Pumpkin Pasties. As Remus stood up and moved across to where Eleanor was sat, legs crossed as she flicked through the same copy of _The Daily Prophet_ Remus had just been reading, he's gut was suddenly seized and twisted so he halted; frozen in his tracks, aimlessly staring at Eleanor's lowered head. As if she felt him staring Eleanor lifted her eyes and smiled, waving him over, and as he approached he saw for the first time the two white plasters that were stretched across her swollen nose.

"Oh yeah, that," she said without the slightest hint of embarrassment, raising her fingers to her nose and wincing as she touched it, "They say I should be out of here tomorrow. No harm done really…"

"I'm so sorry," Remus said, sitting down tentatively at the end of the bed. Eleanor shrugged as if it was nothing before offering him a Chocolate Frog. Remus declined as his eyes scanned the enchanted "Get Well" cards on Eleanor's bed side table. She was obviously a well liked and popular girl.

"How did you know it was Lily that hexed him?" Remus couldn't help but smile at his own question as Eleanor admitted a short burst of laughter.

"Please, I think half the school knows that Potter is absolutely obsessed with her. Besides, I would recognise one of her hexes a mile off…so it doesn't take a genius to work it out."

Remus beamed in response as Eleanor rested back, exhaling deeply before she picked up a letter and waved it as she sighed, "Don't you just hate Halloween?"

"Well, I wouldn't say I hated it but…" Remus hesitated, wondering whether the anti-social comment he was about to make would go down well or not. He decided to risk it. "…But I guess there is something I don't like about all the fuss that gets made…"

"Finally someone who agrees with me!" Eleanor leant forward and pushed all the papers and empty packages from the bed as she crawled out from under the sheets and began to re-pin her hair. "My family seem to have always been into it. I mean I get that it's an important event in the Witching calendar but…you see all those?" Eleanor pointed to twenty envelopes that had been stuffed inside the cover of her text book. "Those are all invitations to distant family's parties; Aunt Agatha's something or other, or Great Uncle Phineas' annual Halloween get-together. I tell you its exhausting having such a big family!"

Remus nodded in agreement, fixated by the way Eleanor was swamped by the jumper that was now stretched over her knees. As if she had suddenly realised that Remus was studying her so intently, Eleanor's eyes locked with Remus' and for one tantalising moment Eleanor blushed before looking away. This was something that Marianne Merrydew did when Sirius smiled at her. Things like this didn't happen to Remus Lupin.

"Well will be forced to go to the Halloween Feast anyway I suppose," Eleanor recovered very quickly, the hotness in her cheeks disappearing. Remus nodded, the Halloween Feast was only a week away. Sirius had to return by then; he would never miss it.

Almost at once Remus stopped; he stopped thinking of Sirius and pushed away the concerns he was feeling. Sirius was responsible for this girl being here now in the hospital wing. Whatever the reasons he had been called home he would soon know, but he couldn't forgive Sirius…not just yet.

"Well I better be going…" Remus suddenly said a little embarrassed, rising to his feet. "I can't stay here and baby-sit James all day…not with Peter out there, all alone."

Eleanor let out another ripple of laughter, her brown eyes were warm and her cheeks were flushed, and Remus could feel the knot in his stomach tighten as he struggled to keep his own face pale.

"Yeah I'll see you around sometime," Eleanor said, before her voice took up the soft tune that Remus had heard her humming before. As he turned his back he gulped hard in an attempt to swallow whatever feelings were rising up in his throat, yet he was prevented from moving as Eleanor called after him.

"Remus?" The hair on the back of his neck stood up and he rubbed the flesh of it as he turned around, irritated that the use of his name could inspire such a reaction. Yet as Remus faced Eleanor once more, his face was impassive as she asked, "Do you collect the cards?"

Remus was confused for a moment yet as he saw the purple card that Eleanor was twisting in her hand he understood. She smiled and threw the card towards him. He caught it and read, _Monsieur Marmaduke, 15th Century French Wizard who infamously transfigured his wife into a toad. He was quoted to have said, "I prefer her zat wayz."_

Remus laughed and said as he pocketed the card, "I have about a hundred of him."

"Yeah, me too," Eleanor replied.

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Well? Any thoughts? I would like to know what you all think about Eleanor as a character. I am trying extremely hard to make her interesting (although she has very little to do yet). I don't want to make a two dimensional original character that ends up ruining the story. Opinions would be appreciated x


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Ten points to the house of your choice, galadrielle, as you identified where the title of the story came from. Oh and Thewolfpack, I think you just about managed to grasp the messy situation between all the characters but if you thought it would be resolved soon, then I'm sorry, but things only get alot more complicated from here!

In short, thank you for your reviews. They mean alot to me (considering how much time and effort I've put into writing this.) So the following chapter end's in a rather evil way, although I hope you won't hold that against me, and continue to read.

Btw, Order of the Phoenix trailer is out soon. Is everyone as excited as me?

Anyway, thank you to Meg for taking out all the semi-colons.

Disclaimer: I have wondered from time to time, but I still don't own Harry Potter.

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"Do you think there will be éclairs?" Peter asked, his eyes glazing with longing as he and Remus strode down the corridors of Hogwarts. At every corner, the everyday learning of the school seemed to have already stopped (despite the fact that there was at least an hour before the final bell rang) as groups of students from all houses and of all ages, chattered excitedly to one another about the prospect of Halloween.

"There are always éclairs," Remus said, trying to hide the yawn that threatened behind his words with a hand. Tomorrow was the day of the Halloween Feast, and the day after that was the full moon. _What timing_, Remus thought to himself as Peter bounced excitedly beside him. He wished that he could view his monthly transformations as an inconvenience, an irritation, or as James often liked to call it his "furry, little problem." Ever since the rest of the Marauders had learnt to become Animagi in their fifth year, transformations had changed from something to fear to something to almost look forward too. In the beginning, when he was younger and had not yet become accustomed to the way his body would change he had gone to The Shrieking Shack to endure the night alone. Now, he couldn't remember the last time he hadn't been accompanied by the Stag, the Dog and the Rat; he couldn't remember a time since that they had left him to face the moon alone.

Yet sometimes the thought of such company did little in the days leading up to the full moon, when Remus could already feel the burning, the insatiable crawling of the beast lurking just underneath his skin. Remus could sense the silvery strength of the moon growing and he would become quiet and withdrawn; loosing his appetite for both food and mischief. As Peter spoke of éclairs, Remus could feel his stomach swim and as they walked through the bustling hallways he suddenly felt a terrible aching in his arms and legs that told him that they were preparing to grow, and distort.

They walked in silence for a moment; if Peter was speaking Remus did not hear him, his eyes were fixed on the floor in front of him as he waited for the wooziness to subside. As he inhaled deeply he felt the air soothe his lungs and clear his head; his eyes became focused and his stomach lost the nausea of a few moments before. He glanced down to Peter who seemed indeed to have been speaking, his mouth moving rapidly as he spoke of the endless possibilities of what could be served at the feast tomorrow. Remus knew he should pay attention to what his friend was saying, especially as he had now missed a large portion of it, yet as his eyes drifted over the faces of those who were in the corridor, he caught the sight of a familiar face and froze. Peter stopped talking, his eyes drawn to the face of Eleanor Figg, who was smiling as she waved to Remus. Remus swallowed hard and offered a feeble nod in response before turning quickly and walking with Peter in the opposite direction. He hadn't been quick enough though; he knew that. He knew that both Peter and Eleanor had seen the way he had flushed fuchsia before turning and walking away.

"You know…" Peter wheezed a little as he attempted to keep up with Remus. Peter was short and a little dumpy and Remus, being the tallest of all four of them, was capable of setting an impressive pace. "You know that Eleanor girl…she's very pretty…"

"Really?" said Remus, his face betraying the heat that was already so obvious in his face. He looked at Peter briefly, whose lips had curled upwards into a self satisfied smile; his cheeks were rounded with amusement as he said a little nervously, "I think you know she's very pretty Moony."

Remus stopped walking and turned to Peter who was smiling up at him. Had he really noticed how pretty she was? Remus thought back to the first time he had seen her, with wet hair humming that dull tune. Had it even occurred to him then that he could be attracted to her? Well that would explain it; the awkwardness, the goose bumps, the twisted guts. Was that the reason he had reacted the way he had to what Sirius had done? No, he thought to himself, pushing away the thoughts of the way Eleanor had blushed in the hospital wing only days before; he would have been the same if it had been anyone.

"I suppose she is sort of pretty," Remus offered eventually as they once again began to walk. "But honestly, Wormtail, it doesn't matter does it? I mean, she wouldn't look twice at me…"

"But…"

"No it's alright. You know I don't care anyway. I'm not like Sirius and James." Beside him, Peter nodded in agreement before suggesting, "But maybe…maybe that's what girls really like?"

"Yes I guess what all girls are dying for is a boyfriend that turns into a werewolf once a month!" His words had been hot yet Peter didn't seem to be hurt by them. Remus inhaled deeply in attempt to steady himself once more. Inside him, the beast was already writhing; his temper was always affected this close to a full moon. He found it harder to be passive, to remain calm and found himself snapping more easily than before. Remus looked down at Peter who was nervously waiting whatever it was Remus had to say. Remus smiled and this seemed to comfort Peter a little, his face became less serious as Remus said, "It doesn't matter Wormtail. I think I accepted long ago that me…having a girlfriend…well…it would never be a realistic option, would it?"

"Just seems a little unfair though…if only there were more girls like Lily…" Peter stopped talking and blushed, stuffing his hands in his pockets and avoiding Remus' eyes as they walked. It was so secret amongst the Marauders that Peter had a sort of crush on Lily; she seemed to be the only girl to ever really notice him. In their second year Sirius had briefly been fascinated by her, but this was something as short lived as the rest of Sirius' other romantic liaisons. Remus had never seen Lily as anything more than a friend, although sometimes he found himself starring at her, transfixed by the way she looked when she laughed. She was kind and understanding; she hadn't withdrawn her friendship when she had found out about Remus' lycanthropy. She even remained friends with Severus Snape, who seemed to simultaneously adore and despise her. Remus had long believed that Lily could be the real reason for the hatred between Snape and James.

"Unfortunately," Remus said as they began to climb the stairs towards the Gryffindor common room, "I don't think there is another girl in the world like Lily Evans."

Peter looked up; his embarrassment had disappeared as he asked tentatively, "Do you think she'll ever go out with him Moony?"

"Of course she will," Remus said as they hesitated in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady. Peter simply nodded in response. The Fat Lady beamed down at them and as Remus opened his mouth to say the password, the Fat Lady interrupted him with the words, "It's nice to see everything back to normal isn't it? It's not quite the same without you four making a menace of yourselves…clambering in and out at god knows what hour…"

Remus looked down confused at Peter who shrugged.

"What do you mean?" Remus asked. The Fat Lady, who had so obviously anticipated their ignorance pretended to be surprised as she pressed a podgy hand to her chest and said, "Oh my goodness…don't you know yet? He's back isn't he? That friend of yours…Sirius Black."

Remus' stomach jolted as his name was spoken. He of course had expected Sirius to return before the feast, but he thought that maybe he would have owled before he arrived. Remus froze for a moment, hesitating as his mind willed him to say the password. He and Sirius hadn't exactly parted on friendly terms; would things still be the same now? Sirius' temper was unpredictable; it could have just as easily have been forgotten as it could have been the start of a serious grudge. After seeing Eleanor in the hospital wing a few days ago, seeing the way that she so obviously did not resent Sirius for what had happened at the match had made Remus realise that he was ready to forgive.

"Ursa Minor," Peter said eventually and the portrait swung open and allowed them to climb inside to the common room.

"Do you think he'll be alright?" Peter asked his voice tinged with concern as they climbed the stairs towards their dormitory. "I mean, whatever it was that called him and Regulus home…it couldn't have been good could it?"

"What do you mean Wormtail?" Remus was a little short of breath as he climbed and somewhere in side he hoped that this was just the affect of the full moon.

"Well…with things that have been happening…" Peter paused, throwing a nervous glance over his shoulder before stammering, "D…dark things. And with the Blacks you know, being w…who they are and that…"

Both boys had stopped outside the dormitory door and as Remus felt his wooziness returning, he pressed his palms flat against the door to steady himself. As the colours of his surroundings began to mingle, as his heart tightened painfully within his chest he heard Sirius' voice clearly ringing in his ears _is this all that is between us now Moony? _

"No…no…" he found himself muttering, his voice seemed to bubble up his throat as he struggled to steady his breathing. He felt Peter tug nervously at his robes and ask, "Moony…Moony are you alright?"

Remus nodded, his head seemed full of a smoke that would not clear as he said with a great effort, "Full moon Wormtail."

Without saying another word Peter opened the door of their dormitory, revealing the sight of two figures that were sat very close on the bed. Remus staggered into the room, his hands firmly planted either side of him as he watched Peter whisper something frantically to the boys with the lowered heads. At once both boys turned around; James' face was full of guilty concern as Sirius rose swiftly to his feet, pushing Peter out of the way as he breached the distance between them. Remus raised his eyes to his friends face, seeing an angry, purple bruise which had caused one of his eyes to close. The other eye was fixed firmly on Remus' face and Sirius' voice was soft and swollen with something Remus couldn't understand as he asked, "Moony? Moony, can you hear me?"

Finally, Remus' legs gave way as he crashed to the floor, all limbs. He was so faint; the world was slowly slipping away from him as he felt the fatigue and blackness engulf him. He struggled to focus as he saw Sirius rush over, kneel down on the floor and gather him swiftly to him. Was that Peter on his right? What was it that Sirius had said to James to bring him from the bed to the floor beside him, wrapping a blanket about his shoulders? Remus shivered and for the last time that day he looked up into Sirius' bruised face before the faces of his friends slipped away, to be replaced with a pinpricked darkness.

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Evil, I know, but I'll update quickly I promise. Reviews please x


	16. Chapter 16

AN: Well it is time for yet another chapter. When I started writing this I did not forsee it every being this long, and yet still it continues. I've actually written past thirty chapters and I have a feeling that I'm only about two thirds of the way through. Anyway, I have the end in sight, but there are still many updates to come.

I hope this chapter gives a little of what people may, or may not, be hoping for. It's an important chapter so I really hope I've done a good job in writing it.

Thanks again to Megan for finding the time to beta for me. This chapter did not have that many mistakes in it actually (compared to some of the others!!)

Disclaimer: I have checked on countless occassions and yet, I find to my dismay, that I don't own Harry Potter.

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It was dark when Remus next opened his eyes. Not the terrifying, pinpricked darkness of before, a soft, early evening darkness that was illuminated by the soft, orange glow of the setting sun that stretched its gentle rays through the window; and by the lamps that stood on each bedside table. Remus stretched his arms above his head. As he yawned his body felt stiff and achy, sleep still clinging to his limbs. Someone had removed his robes and shoes after laying him on his bed; he found his tie had also been loosened and the top two buttons of his shirt had been undone. As he attempted to sit up he remembered the faces of his friends as he had fainted; the nervous face of Peter, the concern of James as he had wrapped a blanket about his shoulders and the soft, purpled face of Sirius which was, as always, impossible to read.

Pushing the pillow from underneath his head and up against the headboard Remus saw for the first time that he was not alone. Across the room sat Sirius, his concentration entirely taken up by the tower of cards he was trying to build the Muggle way, on his bed. His case was flung open beside him on the floor; clothes, books and papers spilling out as if Sirius had started to unpack and thought better of it. Remus watched as Sirius very carefully moved to add another layer to his tower, yet as he carefully balanced the cards on top of the completed layers, his patience finally left him, and the tower crumbled. As he made to gather the cards toward him, Sirius looked up and saw that Remus was now awake, sitting up in bed and watching him. After piling the cards together Sirius pulled off his jumper and flung it on the pile next to the bed with the words, "So you finally decided to wake up, did you? Thank god! It's impossible to do that thing without using magic!"

"Where are Peter and James?" Remus asked his voice barely above a whisper. Sirius pulled the Marauders Map from his beside table and after scanning it for a moment, he said, "Still at dinner…pigs. I hope they remember to bring me something back! I'm starving!"

"Y…you didn't go to dinner?"

"Course not! Someone had to stay and baby-sit you." Remus felt, yet repressed, the urge to roll his eyes. "And besides..." he began, rising from his bed and walking over to the window, "If I had gone there would have been far too many questions. It's no-one else's business."

Remus continued to watch as Sirius turned his attention back into the room as he carefully sat down on the end of Remus' bed, avoiding squashing his feet. A dying beam of sunlight illuminated Sirius' dark features as he swept his hair from out of his face. It was now that Remus noticed for the first time that the bruises that had been their earlier had gone.

"Did James…?" Remus waved his hand over his face and Sirius nodded. After a moment of silence, Sirius turned to Remus and said solemnly, "I know you want to ask me Moony."

"As you said its no-ones business. And I thought…" Remus hesitated, unsure that continuing was wise. "I assumed that maybe I would be the last person you'd want to tell."

"If you're talking about that argument then…" Sirius stopped, his eyes drawn to the canopy above Remus' bed before he said, a little calmer than before, "I've been thinking about that…quite a lot actually and, well, I don't want to carry on that way. "

Remus nodded slowly, feeling more awake now than he had ever been. Something about the way Sirius was talking told Remus that something significant had happened, something important had changed; so as Sirius twisted the sheet beneath him in his hand, turning his eyes tentatively towards Remus, he simply waited for what Sirius was about to say.

After taking a deep breath, the uncertainty from Sirius' voice seemed to evaporate as he articulated hotly, "I've done it, haven't I? I've left them…I've left them all. They'd like to think they kicked me out. No doubt that's what they're telling people. As if I'd give them that satisfaction! My god! That would imply that I actually wanted to stay!"

"What? Wait, Sirius, slow down. What are you saying?"

At once Sirius was on his feet; his face had twisted as a bitter look of triumph crept across his features. His eyes smouldered with a dark satisfaction as he spread his arms and, after laughing manically, he said, "I've left them…my family…The noble and most ancient house of Black! I've been disinherited…disowned…cut off without a penny! Isn't it a joke Moony? Isn't it the funniest thing you're heard all year?"

Sirius seemed almost hysterical as he spoke; one hand clutching at the bed post as he laughed uncontrollably down at Remus.

"What happened?" Remus' voice was stern and calm. Sirius managed to compose himself, to suppress the laughter that had seized him long enough to answer coherently.

"That letter? Calling me and darling Regulus home? It seems that my family have been aware for sometime now of…changes. Things have been happening Moony…sides are being chosen. Mother wanted a little family gathering to make sure that everyone was on the same page…" Sirius paused and sat down again at the end of Remus' bed, all the humour he had found in the situation suddenly seemed to escape him, as he continued more slowly, "If I had known…If I had had the first idea what was happening I wouldn't have waited so long…" He trailed off and, after shifting uncomfortably he continued, "There's some pure blood fanatic…calls himself the Dark Lord…seems to be gathering a great deal of influence and power. Apparently he's become quite cosy with my family already, this Lord Voldemort. Bellatrix seems to know all about him…as does that bloody husband of hers. Death Eaters…what kind of name is that for anyone?"

"Padfoot, you're loosing me here…" Remus' voice was soft as to not provoke Sirius' temper, which seemed to be bubbling just below the surface. "You saw your cousin when you went home?"

"Oh yes I saw her." Sirius' voice was dark and sinister; his eyes gleamed with a hatred that Remus hated to see. "They were all there…Narcissa…Malfoy. You remember Lucius Malfoy, don't you? Made a pet out of Snivellus first year?" Remus nodded. Lucius Malfoy had been much older; they had only been at Hogwarts for a few years before he had left. In the short time they had been at Hogwarts at the same time, Snape seemed to follow Malfoy around to protect himself; in much the same way as Peter had followed the other Marauders in the beginning.

"And then Bellatrix starts preaching to us all. Telling us that we all need to be clear on our positions as soon it will matter more than ever. Tells us that the Dark Lord will handsomely reward those who are true and pure when the time comes. I tell you now; this doesn't seem like the normal, pure blood fascism…this is something else."

"The bruises? How did you get them?" To Remus' surprise, Sirius smiled, leaning back against one of the posts with one of his legs swinging off the bed.

"It seems that a Black isn't supposed to take the stance I do…pure-blood, half-blood, Muggle-born…what's the difference? Oh I know I haven't always thought like this. First year I was a brat…a purist brat. But I've changed; I've made friends with people with a different heritage to mine. I've lost the fervour…being sorted in Gryffindor did that. I think my parents knew that…all of my sodding family do. They knew what I'd say and do before they even called me home."

Sirius stopped talking all of a sudden; the smirk that had curled the corners of his mouth seemed to vanish. Remus looked at the boy sitting at the end of his bed, one knee tucked neatly under his chin, the other leg dangling over the side. His hair had grown long in waves and now framed his face, which was still lit by the dying orange light. Remus watched as Sirius closed his eyes and allowed his head to lull back against the bedpost, a gesture he commonly used when he grew tired of listening to himself speak. Finally, after he sat like this for a few moments more, he began, "Regulus, however, doesn't share my views. He, like every other member of my stinking family seems to view our powers as a right, rather than a privilege. When I told Bellatrix exactly what I though of this Lord Voldemort my little brother shot out of his seat…I guess he thought he could silence me with his fists."

Remus let out a gasp which caused Sirius' grey eyes to flutter open. Regulus was a cruel and charismatic boy but Remus had always thought that he was truly no different to Sirius at heart.

"I remember my father pulling us apart…don't worry, I gave that darling brother of mine bruises to rival the ones he gave me! That's when I told them Remus…" Remus' skin prickled as Sirius said his name; every time he was called Remus rather than Moony, it always seemed to have this affect. Sirius' eyes were fixed on Remus' face, which seemed almost translucent in the half light of dusk. "I told them all that whatever this Dark Lord…this Voldemort was up to…that I wanted no part of it. Whatever it was that he….that they had in mind…that I would not rest until I had done everything I could to stop them."

"What then?" Remus had long ago sidled across the bed towards Sirius, allowing 6the blanket to slip to the floor.

"Well you can just imagine how Mother took that…starts shrieking like a banshee…calls me a blood traitor…ha! Like I haven't been called that before! Orders me to leave…tells me I am no longer her son…that I'm no longer welcome at Grimmauld Place…"

"Oh Sirius…I'm so…"

"And then…I think I shall always remember this…" Sirius' voice was distant; his eyes were fixed on Remus' face, yet they were looking somehow beyond him. That smirk seemed to return and trace his face with amusement as he continued quietly, "I'm going to leave the drawing room and Bellatrix grabs my wrist…she stops me from leaving and looks me square in the eye and says "So you have decided?" I yank my arm free and tell her I have and leave."

Both boys were silent; Remus now sitting cross legged in front of Sirius who swept his hair from his face, before giving a sharp bark of laughter.

"So that's it now Moony. I come back here, tell James about it all and just as he tells me I can live with him you and Peter come in, and you pass out."

Remus didn't feel at all embarrassed about this; him fainting before the full moon was a regular occurrence. Yet all feelings of nausea seemed to have left him; the aching in his limbs was forgotten; his head had cleared of the smoke. All he felt now was concern; concern for the friend who, despite his laughter, was now almost completely alone. Remus knew what it was to feel hopelessness; to feel isolation beyond all condolence; and he knew Sirius better than to not plainly hear the hurt behind every manic laugh.

"Can you believe it? Me living with the Potters? I mean, I've always seen James as a brother, but living with him…I might kill him!"

Remus laughed for the first time since Sirius had returned, and this laughter seemed to almost be painful for Sirius to hear. At once his brow had furrowed, his grey eyes became wide as in one, swift movement he breached the distance between them and pulled Remus firmly into his arms.

Remus went rigid; unused to the physical contact, uncertain how he should respond. He expected Sirius to flinch backwards; to pull away as soon as composure hit him, and he realised what he was doing. He did not however; Sirius' arms remained tightly around Remus, pressing their bodies uncomfortably close, as his chest fell heavily with each shuddering breath. Without thinking, Remus allowed his arms to snake underneath Sirius' and to encircle his back. Sirius exhaled deeply, as if he had only truly begun to breathe, as he buried his face into Remus' shoulder, his hair tickling the bare flesh of his neck. An undetectable shiver spread its way across Remus' skin, as he inhaled the strange scents of his friend; the washing powder that was used to wash all the Hogwarts uniforms; a faint, musty smell that Remus assumed was traces of Grimmauld Place; the scent of mud from the Quidditch Pitch; traces of the autumn sun that was swiftly disappearing and leaving the room in an orange tinged darkness.

Sirius was breathing hard; every breath seemed to take a great deal of effort as Remus simply held him close, allowing him to breathe. Finally, Remus could feel Sirius start to move away, he could feel the moment slipping and he swiftly removed his arms from around Sirius, shuffling backwards a little as he did so. Grey eyes searched Remus' amber ones; his face darker than ever now the sun had set and the night had arrived. Sirius smiled as Remus shuffled backwards, his voice was soft as he whispered, "Let's not argue anymore Moony. I can't stand it when we don't talk." Remus could only nod in reply as Sirius nodded, jumping from Remus' bed back to his own. Remus felt frozen with warmth and he started out of the trance he seemed to have slipped into as James and Peter entered, their arms bulging with food.

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Please review this chapter as I am rather proud of it and it would be nice to know if people liked. I'm in the process of trying to get this story over at Mugglenet so fingers crossed! 


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Sorry for the long wait between updates. I have been so diligently working on this story that I have forgotten about it being here at all. But, never fear, I am back with avengence and I now have two awesome betas who are more than happy to help me iron out all my little, niggly mistakes. Hopefully, this means it will be a better reading experience for all concerned!

Thank you to all those who are reading and reviewing. I hope you stick with this as it is now over forty chapters in length!

Disclaimer: I don't own, so don't sue!

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All around them the candles spluttered softly inside the pumpkins that had been magically carved into a number of hideous faces; sending strange shadows across the Great Hall, as bats took their chances and weaved in out of the eating students. Peter had predictably filled his golden plate with éclairs, and was in the process of scooping out some of the cream with his short, podgy finger when Sirius, after winking at James, pulled out his wand and, after muttering a few, well chosen words, caused the éclair to suddenly shrink and sucker itself round Peter's finger. Peter yelped and began shaking his hand frantically in order to get rid of it. James and Sirius were laughing uncontrollably, beating their fists on the table, sending the plates and cups wobbling. Remus, who had been taking a swig of pumpkin juice as it happened, had narrowly avoided spitting the juice across the table as he laughed; and had instead swallowed it hard, and was now coughing back his laughter. Eventually, Peter managed to rid himself of the éclair, which had now returned to its usual state, and lay, non-threateningly, on the plate beside the others.

"So," began James suddenly, his voice devoid of laughter as he leant back on the bench, "What's the plans for tomorrow?"

All the Marauders looked at Remus whose eyes were dark; ringed with black circles. His face was drawn and pale. Tomorrow was the full moon and Remus felt cold and agitated. He hadn't been sleeping well since Sirius' return; but that was hardly unusual, he always grew restless so close to his transformations. Yet it had somehow been worse, so much worse since Sirius had told him about what had happened when he had gone home to Grimmauld Place. His mind had been plagued with concern. Sirius was always so flippant and angry. He appeared to not care about being disowned…but Remus knew that this was not so. Even being a part of a family like the Black's was better than having no family at all.

But this was not the only thing troubling Remus. What Sirius had told him about a Dark Lord…about Voldemort…something in what Sirius had said had struck Remus as vaguely familiar; and he had been desperately trying to rack his brain to remember where he had heard of something similar before. Sirius had been right; there was something different to the way his family reacted to this figure that made Remus know that this was different than the normal pure-blood elitism. Something about the way Sirius had spoken about what Bellatrix had said made Remus realise that whatever was happening was more organised, and on a larger scale, than anything that had happened before. There had been whispers for months of something changing…there had been hints in _The Daily Prophet_, if you read between the lines, of something very serious going on. And Remus could not rid himself of the feeling that the name Voldemort was not unknown to him; that he had heard someone, somewhere, say it before.

Suddenly, both his thoughts and the conversation were interrupted by the appearance of Lily Evans, who had made her way from the group of Gryffindor girls she had been sitting with, and was now in the process in sitting down beside Remus. James had started and knocked his pumpkin juice over, sending it creeping across the table in an oozing, orange puddle. Lily hadn't even looked up at him as she had taken out her wand, performing a charm that immediately sucked up the liquid, before she turned to Remus and said, "Eleanor told me that you went to see her in the hospital wing…"

The tips of Remus's ears began to burn as he turned away from Lily's unbearably inquisitive eyes and down to the place where the orange puddle had been. He knew that Peter, who was sitting beside him, would be silently trying to fit the pieces of the events of the past few days together in his mind. Luckily for Remus, Peter wasn't too quick; and James, who was undoubtedly a lot more observant, was too consumed at staring at the way the flickering candles cast Lily in a flittering radiance, that he was too distracted to care. There was one Marauder, however, who had been quietly absorbing the words Lily had spoken and as Remus finally raised his gaze from the table to face him; Sirius' face was dark and he remained silent, biting his bottom lip as he waited patiently for Remus to respond.

"Well I wasn't really…what I mean is…" Lily had cocked her head to one side, sending her red hair rippling over one shoulder as she smiled serenely, awaiting Remus' so obviously awkward response. Remus could feel himself blushing. Thank god for the uncertainty of candlelight he thought to himself, idly pushing a sausage from one side of his plate to another. Sirius had leant back on the bench and had folded his arms across his chest; Remus could feel his feet knocking against his under the table. "I didn't go out of my way to visit her…I was there with James…"

"Well if he will insist on being an arrogant pea-brain…" She directed this at James who snapped out of his gaze at the insult. He pressed his palms flat out on the table in front of him and, after hesitating, struggling to find the words to retort with, he eventually settled on, "Oh come on Evans it's Halloween…can't we give all this a rest for one night out of the year?"

Lily scoffed and her words were laced with an unspoken threat as she articulated slowly, leaning across the table, "Not on your life Potter. Do you think I'm stupid enough to let my guard down, even if it is for one night?"

To Remus' surprise, James seemed to not be characteristically lost for words as he usually was when Lily's comments turned venomous. Instead, he pushed his glasses up his nose and flashed a disarming smile before shrugging flippantly. "Scared you might have to eventually admit that you fancy the pants off me?"

Lily allowed herself to relax backwards and after smiling sarcastically at James she flicked her head around to once again face Remus. She too had not been quick enough; the candlelight was not good enough. Perhaps Remus had been the only one who had seen the way she had blushed.

"I still need to talk to you…" she said, her green eyes fixed determinedly on Remus' tired face, unable to allow herself to glance at the smirking face of James.

"Surely whatever you've got to say to him, can be said in front of all of us." Sirius had spoken for the first time since Lily had come over to join them. His voice was unusually devoid of any temper as he said this, but Remus could feel the way his foot was twitching under the table. He had seen the way his grey eyes had become thunderous when Lily had mentioned Eleanor's name; yet he had also noticed the way he had stopped himself from saying anything, something which made Remus' heart swell with a certain amount of respect. It took a lot for Sirius Black to swallow his pride and hold his tongue and, even if he had done it for all the wrong reasons, even if he had simply not wanted to admit that he was wrong…even if it was simply because he did not want to relive his conduct on the Quidditch Pitch that afternoon, Remus felt slightly better that Sirius had been genuine when he had said that he no longer wanted to argue.

Something dangerous flashed across Sirius' eyes; and unspoken threat maybe that Lily seemed to completely understand. She flashed Sirius a mirror of the sarcastic smile she had directed at James before whispering softly under her breath to Remus, "We'll talk about it later" before climbing over the bench, and heading out of the Great Hall. Not once did she look back at the Marauders, although each of them watched her go; her red hair bobbing as she strode towards the door, towards a shadowy figure who was waiting for her in the doorway. Sirius looked away first, and Remus, who felt his friends eyes leave Lily's form half expected Sirius to glance at him before looking down at his plate. He did not. Instead, he began to tear up a bread roll and butter it vigorously, as James' eyes finally left the doorway of the Great Hall as he snapped at Remus, "I don't know why she should be so bloody interested in talking to you Moony…" He turned his temper on Sirius; his glasses were slightly askew as he frantically ran his hands through his hair as he spat, "And if it weren't for you Padfoot she wouldn't have gone off…I swear that was Snivellous she met by the door…"

"Keep your shirt on Potter," Sirius said before ripping off a chunk of bread and stuffing it in his mouth. "And besides, don't blame us if Lily still isn't interested. It's not our fault if you lack charm and charisma."

James jumped up so quickly that he nearly knocked over another cup. Peter shifted nervously and Remus' say the way James looked as though he were going to say something to Sirius but then, as if he thought better of it, he turned to Peter and said, "I've had enough of this Wormtail. Come on, let's go."

Peter could hardly believe it as he smiled apologetically to Sirius before scurrying off after James. Never did James ask for his company over Sirius', and as they left together something about the way Peter had smiled seemed almost a little cruel. For a moment, the two remaining Marauders said nothing; Sirius' hair had fallen in front of his eyes, obscuring his features from view. Finally, after draining his cup he barely moved his lips as he said darkly, "So you went to see her then? In the hospital wing?"

Remus felt his chest tighten as Sirius spoke; his veins became frozen with guilt as he studied his friend in the flickering candlelight. There was no correct answer, as far as Sirius was concerned, and after hesitating, Remus gulped hard and said, "She was there when I took Peter in."

This seemed to be enough. Sirius nodded so his hair once again fell over his eyes. Remus could feel his foot twitch against his under the table, as the two friends continued to sit and eat in silence.

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Oh the tension continues to build. Reviews are encouraged as it lets me know how I'm doing and whether or not there is anyone out there reading this at all xxx 


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Right. Thank you to those of you who reviewed. Old and new faces are all very welcome (even if there are more pressing things to do like calculus. I've never experienced the joys of this as I am decidedly British). Anyway, the reviews are lovely so keep them comming. We have a long way to go yet.

This chapter wasn't exactly enjoyable to write, but I did enjoy the process of doing it rather than what I actually had to write. The emphasis shifts from the tension back to simply what it must be like to live with what Remus has to. Hope you enjoy it.

Thank you to Rosie and Meg for being sp patient and interested in what I have to write.

Disclaimer: If I really, truly owned them, would I be on here?

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Remus could not bring himself to lift his eyes to the night sky as Madam Pomfrey led him towards The Whomping Willow the following night. Always it was like this; as he felt her guide him off the grounds, her arm ringed around his waist, supporting him, holding him steady. By now his stomach would be churning, and his joints would be aching, and yet through this heated confusion in the hours before his transformation, Remus somehow managed to remember to keep his eyes on the ground beneath him. The night sky would be his enemy tonight, as it had been since the night he had been bitten, all those years ago. Unlike others he could not see the beauty in the pin-pricked silvery darkness. He could not feel a sense of wonderment as he stared up at the velvety blue expanse above him, grey clouds slowly chasing themselves around the dark sky. As always, the thought of the night terrified him and as the wind whipped up the bottom of his robes he shivered and stumbled, only to be caught by Madam Pomfrey.

"Nearly there," she said, so softly that the words were almost lost on the freezing air. Remus managed to smile as he saw the roots which were breaking through the ground beneath that told him that their destination was near.

"I'll bet you'll b…be pleased when you get back to the castle. It's fr…freeing out…" Madam Pomfrey allowed her arm to slip from his waist but before she retracted it completely she gave Remus' side a reassuring squeeze as she said, "We must make sure you're okay first."

Remus managed a nod in response, unable to bring himself to make conversation any longer; the pull of the moon on the beast within him was becoming too strong for words. His teeth were chattering loudly now; whether this was the affect of the cold, he could not know for sure. His jaw seemed to be trembling wildly as he struggled to hold himself steady. Once again he felt Madam Pomfrey's patient arm about him and, after a moment or two of edging forwards, Remus halted, panting hard. The frozen air was in his lungs and, stopping again, his chest seemed to be aching with the desire that was rising within him...

"Wi…will you go now please?" Madam Pomfrey stopped as Remus moved away from her guiding arm and attempted to stand upright unaided. Remus saw the apprehension clearly written in her face; her years of taking him to The Whomping Willow had done nothing to erase the fear that she would eventually succumb to during the journey through the grounds.

"Are you sure Remus?" Her voice was tinged with concern as she continued to watch him carefully, unable to ignore his pain any longer. Somehow he managed to smile and, with a great deal of effort, Remus raised a hand and placed it on Madam Pomfrey's shoulder with the words, "I want to be alone now."

Remus stood for a while and watched her go; her figure seemed to grow pale and ghostly as she walked over the crest of the hill and back towards the castle. Even now, when his mind was devoid of all thoughts but of his transformation; even now, as he could feel his body getting ready to change, he found the silhouette of the castle comforting. The dimly flickering lights of Gryffindor Tower reassured him that however different and lonely he felt; however much of a monster he became on these nights he would always be, at least as far as some were concerned, Remus Lupin; a rather quiet yet studious sixth year who was in no way different to any other student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Of course, he _was_ different, and it would not matter if he stood standing staring at the dark yet brilliant castle for the rest of his life…nothing could change what he was. Or rather, what it was he became. It had been a shock to them all, both his mother and father when he had received a letter from Albus Dumbledore who assured them all that despite Remus' condition, he had been accepted to study at Hogwarts. Remus had hardly believed it as he had waved goodbye to his parents as the Hogwarts Express pulled out of Platform 9 ¾'s for the first time. He had always been prepared for the worse. He had always expected to not be allowed to receive any kind of formal education; he was too dangerous, too degenerate. Yet the new headmaster at Hogwarts had put in place measures to ensure that not only would the pupils be safe, that Remus himself would not come to any harm.

No-one from Hogwarts ever really dared come close to The Shrieking Shack. As Remus clambered along the dark and dingy tunnel, his hands pressed against the walls either side of him, he struggled to guide himself along in the muddy darkness. He thought of the way cocky second years often dared each other in, only to decide that it was a better idea to go and get some Butterbeers instead. If only he could view The Shrieking Shack with the same amount of excitement of other pupils; if only he could force himself to smile as he listened to the various rumours that would go round the school about what actually was inside. But to Remus, The Shrieking Shack was a prison; a prison he chose to ignore on his trips to Hogsmeade. For the rest of the month Remus ignored its existence entirely, as if ignoring it alone would make it disappear. But it didn't; and it wouldn't but maybe that was not such a bad thing. After all, at least this way no-one was in any real danger of stumbling across a werewolf.

By the time Remus lifted the trap door and pulled his way into The Shrieking Shack, his entire body was throbbing with pain. He could no longer bring himself to stand; his legs were failing beneath him, yet as he had flung open the creaking door he was greeted by the faces of the other Marauders, who had swiftly come to his aid. James was now by his side, his arms around his waist as he guided him carefully out of the tunnel. Peter was behind him, shutting the trap door with a loud clunk. Remus lifted his eyes and could see that Sirius was approaching, a bottle in his hand. Yet as he held it out for Remus to take a drink Remus staggered backwards, a dangerous snarl escaping his lips rather than the "No" he had meant to say, before he pushed the bottle from Sirius' hand, sending it smashing against the wall.

"Help me Sirius!" James had caught Remus before he had fainted completely and he now felt a strange feeling of weightlessness engulf him as both James and Sirius were now helping him to stand. He wanted to speak to them; he wanted to apologise for breaking the glass but as he opened his mouth to talk the words he intended to say turned into shrieks of pain. Through the commotion, Remus heard Peter whimpering somewhere on the other side of the room. He hated thinking that he made his friends so afraid.

"Maybe…maybe we should change now?" Peter stammered helplessly. "Just to be sure…"

"We sodding won't!" Sirius snapped, his voice strained as both he and James attempted to drag Remus to the bed. "Now come here and help us otherwise being bitten by Moony will be the least of your worries!"

At once Remus felt another pair of arms around him and, with a great heave, he felt himself fall backwards onto the bed. He could not talk right now, and they never expected him too. It was strange that he could hear his friends talking and walking around him yet, paralysed by pain, he was unable to do anything in response.

"Maybe Wormtail has a point though…" James said, looking down at Remus. It was close, far too close for his liking. Already Remus had began to writhe; the dusty, claw-torn sheets wrapping around him as he twisted in agony, his cries barely muffled by the shredded pillows. "It seems a bit close to call…"

"Look!" Through his pain Remus felt a pair of hands pull him forward and his robes being removed. "It will be fine but you need to help me. If I have to undress him all on my own then it will be too bloody close!"

By now Remus hardly knew, nor cared, whether or not he was naked or not. His skin was suffocating him, choking him, imprisoning him. It seemed as if there were a million hands upon him; tugging, pulling, removing. He flailed his arms yet he was helpless to stop them. He tried to tell them it was alright, that he could do this himself yet as he went to speak the cold air filled his lungs and something that had been so tense within him, broke.

"Now!" Remus; the boy that was Remus, heard a swollen voice in the darkness yell, and that was the last thing the boy remembered. The silvery moon had sent its cruel tendrils across the shattered room and now the wolf was coming.

Tumbling to the floor, Remus let out a scream which pierced the now illuminated room with absolute terror. He ripped the sheets from his body as he felt his bones stretch and crack into their new form. Hunched over and crippled with his new found frame, Remus felt his blood run first cold, and then begin to boil as his desire to kill, to murder, to destroy, eclipsed what remained of sanity. He could smell the blood of the pupils of Hogwarts. He could almost taste it, bursting from the wound, seeping down his throat and, crazed with this lust, the werewolf flung himself at the locked trap door.

It was no use; he was locked here, always here, away from what he craved; the hunt and the final triumph of the kill. The boy was his true punishment; that was his true mask. The werewolf was who he was under it all; under the shy façade he was this monster…this killer. He knew his mind now; he could listen to his heart and no longer be afraid. He was no longer the shaken, naked boy huddled in the corner of the room. He had been freed. Once again he flung himself towards the trap door, only this time his path was not only blocked by the door itself, but also by a large, black dog with grey eyes.

The werewolf stopped, his mind automatically cleared of the kill as, with a certain amount of trepidation, he sniffed at the dog in its path. This was not an animal he needed to fight; this was an animal he knew. At once, it was as if the blood lust had left him; no-longer did he feel the pull of the moon on his soul. Something of the boy Remus seemed to return and recognise that this dog was his friend. Out of the silvery darkness of The Shrieking Shack a stag and an extremely cautious rat joined them and, after a few moments of acknowledgement, they all know that all is well. The werewolf is calmed, tamed a little by the presence of these others and, as the moon sailed high in the sky the werewolf somehow knew that he will not be sorry for the company of the dog, the rat and the stag tonight.

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Reviews would make me very happy. Hopefully the uploading of all of this will step up over Christmas as I really need to get my head down and really try to finish it. 


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Well, tis the season to be jolly and because I love you all so much, here's not just one, but three chapters for you to enjoy! Thanks to my wonderful betas, my story really is starting to smooth out and become better than I ever thought it could be. Also, thanks to Rowling's Christmas present to us all, I am now under pressure to not only finish this story, but also to start, and complete, the story I intend to write after this one; a story that would be absolutely pointless after the last book comes out. So, as a present to you all, here are the next three chapters. Thank you so much to those who are reading, enjoying and reviewing. It really does mean alot to me. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas, and a Happy New Year; and I hope that you continue to like what I write!

Disclaimer: If I were Rowling I would currently be in a cafe somewhere, not only close to tears, but close to finishing the final book. I do not own the characters, I merely manipulate, so please don't sue.

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Something about the feel of the sheets against his legs told Remus that when he opened his eyes he would not find himself in the Gryffindor dormitory. These sheets were too crisp, too thin to be the thick, embroidered blankets that Remus was used to. These were not the familiar blankets that Remus would usually wake between, his eyes slowly growing accustomed to the weak morning light. He was often the first of the Marauders to wake; he had never been a peaceful sleeper and most mornings he would wake just as the sun was rising. He would stretch and tentatively peer out of the latticed window and see the frost on the inside of the glass, debating for a moment whether he should risk the short, freezing jog to the bathroom.

As Remus lay with his eyes closed he could not hear the noise of the sleeping Marauders. He was definitely not in the dormitory. If he was, by now, he would have heard James snoring (not loudly, but loud enough for Sirius to sometimes conjure a peg on his nose). By now he should have heard the whimpers of Peter, who slept in the bed closest to Remus and spent half the night tossing and turning wildly. Above all, the room in which Remus had awoken from what felt like days of sleep was completely devoid of all the familiar smells of his bed; this was not grand four-poster he was so used to sleeping in. Something clinical and medicinal had taken its place and, as Remus very slowly opened his eyes, it was not a surprise to see that he was in the hospital wing. A bright winter sun lit the room with a clear, white light which made it very difficult for him to keep his eyes open. The figure by his bedside, however, had seen that he was awake and now there would be no chance of drifting back to sleep.

"It's about time," James began, leaning back in his chair. Remus yawned deeply. "How can you be yawning…you know you've been asleep for nearly two days." _So that explains the groggy feeling_, Remus thought to himself. "We've been here half the day waiting for you to wake up. I just sent Padfoot off…Peter wandered out about an hour ago and I haven't seen him since." Remus managed a smile and as his eyes grew more accustomed to the sunlight he saw that he and James were the only people in the entire wing.

Slowly, Remus attempted to sit up, but he couldn't help but wince as James helped him shift the pillows to make it more comfortable.

"How bad is it?" Remus asked, his voice unusually quiet even in the stillness of the room. James cocked his head to one side, peering over his glasses as he studied Remus' face quietly. After a moment of silence James took a sharp intake of breath before beginning, "Well, I suppose there's hope for you yet. I'm sure some girl will be interested…sooner or later…"

Remus gave a half-hearted laugh as he reached for the mirror on the nightstand. If he had any more energy he would have flung a pillow at James. Remus looked down at his reflection. He had seen it worse. Sometimes the transformations would be more violent than others. Some months the company of the other Marauders did little to restrain the werewolf; this month, however, had not been too bad. There were the usual scratches of course; a particularly deep one had cut across his right check and had nipped the corner of his mouth. Remus knew, without even looking, that his body would be purple with bruises but, as far as he could feel, no bones had been broken. Of course, Madam Pomfrey could have healed them by now, but Remus was fairly certain that, compared to previous transformations, this month's had been fairly light.

"Speaking of girls…" James began tentatively as Remus replaced the mirror. "What exactly is going on with that Figg girl?"

Remus looked at James as if to warn him that this was not a subject he wanted to talk about just now. Yet James either ignored the warning or was entirely oblivious to Remus' discomfort as he shifted forwards in his chair and continued, "Oh come on Moony, you can tell me. Sirius isn't here now so you needn't worry about him disapproving." Remus gulped as he lowered his eyes to the sheets that were tucked tightly around him.

"Why should I be bothered about what Sirius thinks…and besides…there's nothing to tell. Nothing's going on. James, honestly, you know me…" James raised an eyebrow and could barely contain his smile as he asked, "But that doesn't mean you don't want there to be, right?"

Remus cursed himself as he felt the blood rushing to his cheeks. Damn James and his questions; it wasn't really fair; he was weak. He wasn't even sure at the best of times, let alone just after he'd woken up from his transformation. It was just like James to cut to the heart of the problem; not to be cruel, but to sort things out, to make things clearer, at least as far as _he_ was concerned. Damn Peter and his small words of encouragement. He had been no help at all in the days leading up to the full moon as far as the topic of Eleanor was concerned. Damn Sirius and his burning looks that made it impossible for Remus to understand what was happening without feeling like he was doing something wrong. But most of all, damn Remus and the way his blush was now answering James' question, before he had a chance to.

"Look," James began, his voice losing the teasing tone from before, his face becoming serious, "I think it's a good thing if you like her. Why shouldn't you? I mean, she is sort of pretty, if you like that kind of thing. And she's a damn good flyer; I'll give her that. I don't think you should be embarrassed, you know, it's about time you tried giving some girl a chance…"

"We're just friends, James," Remus heard himself snap, and was shocked at the heat behind his words. James had stopped talking and was now looking at Remus, who took a deep, calming breath before repeating, "We're just friends."

"Okay…" James replied, hesitating for a moment, his mind processing what he was about to say, before he continued, "All I'm saying is that you shouldn't worry about what we all think. You shouldn't be so worried about all that."

James smiled as though to reassure Remus, but there was something about the way that the smile quickly vanished that made Remus sit forward in bed, far from comforted.

"What?" Remus asked, watching the way James seemed to be carefully formulating his reply. Patiently Remus waited and finally James seemed to decide on what he was going to say - but as he shifted closer to Remus, they were suddenly interrupted by the doors of the hospital swinging open.

"Well look at you two," Sirius smirked as he walked over to the bed, dumping a half-eaten pumpkin pasty in James' lap before flopping down on the bed next to Remus'. James looked up from the pastry mess to Sirius, who had taken out the Marauder's Map and was now in the process of studying it closely.

"I don't remember asking for half a pasty."

Without even looking up from the map, Sirius replied, "I got hungry on the way over here. You should be pleased that one of us could actually be bothered to go and get some food." James huffed and threw the remains of the pasty in the bin.

"You know what's odd…" Sirius began, finally allowing the map to slide into his lap as he turned to face Remus and James. "I've been looking at this map ever since I left here and I can't find Snivellus on it anywhere…"

"Let me see!" James snatched the map from Sirius and began to study it just as Sirius had. "Don't be dense, Padfoot; he's right there…on the seventh floor…look…"

Sirius jumped up and snatched the map back and, obviously having seen the spot marked "Severus Snape", sighed and sat down at the end of Remus' bed.

"So how's the invalid today?" Sirius had already seen enough of Remus' face to know that he was relatively unhurt. He would never have been so flippant if it had been bad. All of the Marauders had seen it bad before. In the beginning, when they had first learnt of Remus' lycanthropy and secretly visited him the hospital wing, they had all been shocked to see the cuts and the bruises. None of them would ever know, Remus thought to himself, what it was like to endure what he had to endure. None of them would ever really know the horrific changes he went through every month; when not only his body would break and distort, but his mind would become murderous and inhumane. He preferred it that way. Maybe if they all really understood they would not be his friends. Perhaps if they knew the thoughts of murder that plagued his mind when he could no longer control the beast within, they would desert him. Until then, Remus was certain that none of the Marauders would betray him, or abandon him to face the full moon alone.

"I'll live, I guess," Remus replied, hitching his knees up under his chin to allow Sirius more room on the bed.

"So what was it that you two were talking about when I came in?" James looked up from the map to Remus, who was trying his hardest not to look guilty. It was too late, however; Sirius had seen they way both of them had looked when he came in; there was nothing for it but to tell him the truth. Unless-

"Oh, me and James were just discussing whether or not we preferred Sirius the temperamental teenager, or Sirius the dog…" Remus barely contained his smile as he turned to face a grinning James, obviously just as thankful for the lie. "What do you think, Prongs?"

Sirius scowled as James pushed his glasses up his nose before he sighed dramatically, "Oh, I don't know, Moony…" James paused and, reaching across the bed, he patted Sirius patronisingly on the head before ending, "You really do make such a sweet little dog."

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Reviews very much appreciated! 


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Back to the present...we haven't been here for a while. Time to see how Remus is doing alone in Grimmauld Place.

Disclaimer: I have constantly wondered why, and yet I don't own Harry Potter.

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He smiles as he remembers the way that they had laughed. He smiles as he remembers the sound of their laughter filling the bright, whiteness of the hospital wing. Sometimes the laughter is not lost to time. Sometimes when he thinks and tries hard to remember, he scares himself with the sound of their laughter, looking over his shoulder as though, when he turns, he will see the smiling faces of James and Sirius appear in the darkness of the hallway. Although he never sees the Sirius that had been to Azkaban; never once does he see the Sirius with dead eyes and a cold, automatic laugh. He never sees James as he knew him in the weeks leading to his death; a James without humour; a James consumed with fear and the unending, unfathomably strong desire to protect both Lily and Harry. When this laughter comes ringing in his ears, stealing the blackness from his heart, he always turns and sees the James and Sirius of his youth, their youth; carefree and mischievous, unaware of the fate that awaited them all.

The cold of Grimmauld Place is all-consuming. Remus rarely puts the ancient heating system on; the heat makes it worse. He often debates, though, whether it would be worth it to dry out the damp. As he walks now, down the creaking corridor, he could close his eyes and almost imagine that this is not the Grimmauld Place of here and now, but the Grimmauld Place of only a year ago, full to the brim with the people he cared about and loved. To his left is the room that Harry had once shared with Ron, Fred and George, complete with sleeping portrait of Phineas Nigellus. Further along the corridor are the rooms Hermione and Ginny had slept in, and the bedroom Molly and Arthur had shared. He remembers the Christmas they all spent here together and for a moment he believes he can once again hear the distinctive voice of Mundungus coming from the kitchen downstairs. He imagines Tonks sitting at the kitchen table, her bubblegum-pink hair framing her face, making Harry, Ron and Hermione laugh by changing her nose to resemble Snape's. And very distantly, coming from the hallway below, Remus is sure he can hear a familiar voice singing a shrill tune: "God rest ye Merry Hippogriffs…"

Yet past all these rooms Remus continues to walk, past the doors that are now closed, some of them locked tight. He turns right and the blue light of his wand illuminates another staircase; a staircase lined with thick, fading tapestries rather than the portraits of below. It is now, as he begins to climb, that Remus thinks of another time at Grimmauld Place; a time that he himself never saw; a time he has never known. Yet as he alights on the landing Remus can once again hear Sirius' voice floating back to him from the past: _And then…I think I shall always remember this…I'm going to leave the drawing room and Bellatrix grabs my wrist…she stops me from leaving and looks me square in the eye and says "So you have decided?" I yank my arm free and tell her I have and leave._

Her face…her laughing, manic face, illuminated by the horrible red light of the curse…beautiful yet terrifying. She and Sirius were so alike…the same grey eyes, the same high brow and defined jaw…the same aristocratic pride etched into every line of their faces. Oh yes, there was no denying it; Bellatrix and Sirius were Blacks, alright. Yet Sirius had none of her pure-blood hysteria, her insane desire for power and her obsession with Voldemort. Sirius had hated her…despised her, even till the end. To him, she represented everything he hated; everything that was cruel and tyrannical and ran through his blood and made him part of a family he couldn't stand. _Is that why he did it_? Remus suddenly thinks to himself, halting, as he always did, in front of Sirius' door? Is that why he had taunted her, teased her, and provoked her into cursing him again and again? Sirius had been so strong and capable; he was certainly not afraid of anything…no…not after Azkaban. Then why did he let her catch him off guard? Why hadn't he been more careful?

Remus presses his palm against the door and very slowly he begins to run his hand over the panels of wood. He feels every splinter, every crack in the paint, every sharp point, and yet on the other side he can feel a burning, breathing life. He has tried to avoid opening this door, but now…now there is something about the shimmering blue light and the memories that are pushing him forwards…guiding his hand towards the handle of the door.

He hesitates; the cold metal of the doorknob is like ice on his hand. It isn't too late to leave…to continue walking along the hallway till he reaches his own room. There would be no harm in that. But something about what had happened at Hogwarts…something about the things he is remembering seems to be leading him here and, without another moment of thought, Remus turns the handle, enters the room, and closes the door behind him.

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Please be festive and review 


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: Real time is converging with written time as we both approach Christmas. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I did not create the characters, I merely created the story. No need to sue.

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"Now I want each of you to collect the rest of your ingredients from the front of the class. Of course, those of you who were paying attention last week should have already have collected the daisy roots and the pomegranate juice." Remus glanced down at the mysteriously shrunken collection of daisy roots in front of him and, looking to his right, he saw that Sirius had obviously not been paying attention in their previous Potions class, and had not even asked before helping himself to the roots Remus had collected.

"Moony…can I…" But Sirius didn't even have to finish. If he hadn't bothered to collect the daisy roots, there was no way he had remembered the pomegranate juice. Remus had automatically reached for his vial and was already in the process of halving the juice he had collected with Sirius.

"Thanks…I owe you…another one," Sirius added as an afterthought.

"For those of you who haven't done the set reading for this week's lesson, I have made a list on the board here of the other ingredients needed. Orchid petals work much better than daisy roots, but here at Hogwarts we must make do with what we have to hand. Pettigrew!"

Peter jumped, narrowly avoiding spilling the pomegranate juice he had miraculously remembered to collect, as Professor Slughorn called his name.

"Page fifty six." Peter seemed to have frozen and was now staring blankly at an increasingly impatient Slughorn. Luckily, Lily reached across the bench and turned to the correct page for him and, after throwing Peter a warm smile, turned back to Snape with a flick of her auburn hair. On the other side of Remus, James sighed.

"I love it when she wears her hair like that." Sirius snorted as he began to copy down the measurements of ingredients Slughorn had written on the board.

"I thought you said you were doing this last night," Remus mumbled. Sirius said nothing in response and James grinned before he winked at Sirius and said, "Oh yeah, you were in the library all night, weren't you, Padfoot? Working really hard…"

Sirius looked up from his parchment, his eyes black with the threat that James should keep his mouth shut. James grinned and, after giving another extremely unsubtle wink, he once again turned his attention to the back of Lily's head.

"What do you think, Moony?" James continued, drawing Remus' attention away from Sirius, who now seemed a little too involved with task at hand. "Don't you think Lily's hair looks pretty pinned back? She had it up like that last Thursday."

"Well, excuse us if we all have better things to do with our time than to keep a dairy of Evans' changing attire." Sirius looked up from his parchment and with his best look of mock sincerity before he asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "Tell me, Prongs, how exactly did she have her hair on 25th November?"

James kicked Sirius hard under the table, causing him to yelp so loudly that the whole class turned round to look. Slughorn scowled at the three boys, who dutifully turned their attention back to the parchments in front of them as Slughorn continued to preach about the various properties of salamander blood.

"I suppose we can't all have such a varied and exciting love life as yours." At once Sirius stopped laughing and Remus saw the way James seemed to be delighting in his next comment, "How is Marianne by the way…still as enthusiastic as ever?"

Sirius' face was thunderous as he tried to pull his wand quick enough to hex James without being seen. He was not quick enough, however; Remus had anticipated it all and had performed a quick charm that had turned Sirius' wand into a wilting flower. James struggled to stifle his giggles and Sirius, who had been so furious, now melted under James' laughter with the words, "Very funny, Moony."

"Why does she spend so much time with that slimy git?" James began again, his eyes once again fixed on Lily. Both Remus and Sirius looked at where Lily was sitting, studiously weighing out the correct amount of moonstone to add to her cauldron.

"God knows," Sirius said as he watched them, "I don't know how she can stand the stench." James laughed and this seemed to be enough to once again draw his attention back to the task at hand. Remus, however, continued to watch the way Snape switched from staring fixedly into his cauldron to staring at Lily. There was something about Lily Evans that seemed to draw people in; she was in everyone's confidence and yet she betrayed no-one. Lily Evans was a girl that everyone could trust and perhaps that was part of the reason that so many of the boys in their year seemed half in love with her - none more so than James, of course. As much as the Marauders mocked him for it, Remus knew that what James felt for Lily was more than just a teenage crush. Maybe in the beginning it had been almost fun for him; a sort of challenge to get one of the only girls that wasn't interested him, to like him. Yet now they were all older and things had changed. Remus had the unshakeable feeling that James was serious about Lily and that, maybe, behind a façade of hatred, she was serious about him too.

"So," Remus said as he finished stirring his potion in the figure of eight he as instructed by the book in front of him. "Prepared for Christmas at the Potters' yet?"

Sirius leant back in his chair and, running his hand idly through his now very long hair, he exhaled deeply before saying, "I don't know…I mean I don't know if it will all be too much." Sirius looked at James and raised an eyebrow before continuing, "We might kill each other, James."

"Don't be soft, course we won't. Oh, that reminds me Dad's invited you and Peter to stay with us over the New Year for a few days. I guess by their logic, if they're going to have one of you lot over, they might as well have the rest of you too."

"Yeah, but I'm not just staying for the New Year, am I?" Sirius' lips had barely moved and his words were small and uncertain in the packed Potions room. It may have been quiet but Remus had clearly heard the fear behind what Sirius had said and he remembered that despite the fact that Sirius was now to live with the Potters, he was, relatively, without a family…without a home.

It had been more than a month since Sirius had told Remus all that had happened when he had returned home to Grimmauld Place. Another full moon had come and gone and now there was only a week to go until most of the pupils at Hogwarts would return home for the Christmas holidays. Since Halloween there had been no more talk of what had happened between Sirius and his family; that was the only time Sirius had confided in Remus about what was happening. Of course, maybe Sirius had been talking to James; telling James all the things he was feeling and fearing. Remus felt his mind grow hot with that thought of that and as he glanced up from his parchment he couldn't help looking from James to Sirius. What was it about the thought of Sirius telling James those things that bothered him?

Sirius looked up from his parchment and for one terrifying moment Remus had the horrible feeling that Sirius was reading his mind. Those eyes seemed so light for a moment, searching Remus' face for whatever it was he was so consumed with. Remus glanced to his side and saw that James was talking to Peter, whose potion looked nothing like the description in the book. Sirius' eyes never left him however, and as he turned back round Remus did something that he hardly ever did; he pulled a square of parchment towards himself and wrote across it in his looping hand _Are you sure that everything's alright?_

Sirius was surprised when he glanced down at the desk to see Remus pushing a note towards him, and Remus could barely watch as he slowly opened it to read what was written there. This was not like him at all. This was usually James and Sirius' pasttime in Potions; not his. Remus could feel his cheeks burning as he listened to Sirius' quill scratching a response next to him. After a few moments, waiting for Slughorn to pass their desks, Remus slid the folded piece of parchment out from the book Sirius had hidden it beneath and read; _with a mother like you, Moony, how could I not be?_

Beside him Remus heard Sirius laugh as he leant over his shoulder to read back what he had written. Remus turned to find Sirius smiling at him, his dark eyes dancing with amusement. Remus could feel the beginnings of a smile. He tried hard not to succumb to the laughter that was bubbling inside his throat. Yet it was impossible to ignore Sirius' smile which made his eyes twinkle darkly. Sirius leant back in his chair, his eyes still fixed on Remus' faltering stern façade and, after shrugging flippantly, he beamed as he watched Remus finally giving in to the laughter, which caused both Peter and James to stop talking and to turn and look at the two laughing Marauders.

"I'm glad you find your failed potions so amusing." Slughorn's voice cut through the laughter as he peered down into both Remus' and then Sirius' cauldron. "I hope you find it even more amusing in detention."

Remus' heart sank; all hopes of finishing his Transfiguration essay tonight in good time for the end of term were lost. Sirius, on the other hand, was smiling down at his parchment, almost as if some sort of small victory had been won and, as soon as Slughorn had swaggered back to the front of the classroom, Remus kicked Sirius hard under the table.

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A mince pie to all those who review x 


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: Thank so much to all of those who reviewed. It really made me happy that so many of you are really liking what I'm doing. The point about commas has been taken on board which is odd, as usually, I find I'm a little too trigger happy with the commas. Anyway, I hope everyone had a good Christmas and a great New Year. Now we're behind a little in time in this now, but never mind. Hope you like this chapter...the tension continues...

Thanks to Meg and Rosie who seem to be able to find the mistakes I never even knew existed.

Disclaimer: I would be far too busy writing Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows if I owned these characters, to be on here.

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With a heavy heart, Remus finished changing and lifted his extremely heavy trunk over his head, pushing it into the over-head luggage storage, before, slightly exhausted, flopping down onto the seats below. He would be pleased to see his mum and dad again, but apart from their company, Remus usually found the Christmas holidays incredibly lonely. Their house was in the middle of nowhere; it had been impossible for his parents to convince the Ministry that Remus was safe enough to be allowed to live within fifty miles of the nearest village. So it was that they had always lived in a large and incredibly cold house in the middle of a rather desolate and blustery patch of moorland. Remus' parents knew no-one from the surrounding area, even though they had been living there since Remus had been bitten. People from the wizarding community tended to keep their distance because of what he was - and they could not risk becoming close to any unsuspecting Muggles. And so, after a week at home, Remus always longed to return to Hogwarts and to the friends he had there.

Hysterical noises were coming from all the other carriages; everyone seemed to be excited about returning home and enjoying the holidays. Remus laughed to himself as he watched first-years struggling to pull their trunks, which were, no doubt, full to the brim with dirty laundry. He watched as a small blonde boy, undoubtedly a first-year, attempted to manoeuvre his trunk around an impossibly narrow corner, only to stumble and fall, much to the amusement of a group of sniggering Slytherin girls in the opposite compartment. Remus cursed them under his breath as he moved to help the boy, holding his trunk steady as he clambered to his feet. Something about this nervous first-year struck Remus as familiar; maybe he reminded him of himself in the not-so-distant past.

"Don't worry about them," Remus said, smiling in an attempt to reassure the boy, who looked like he might be about to cry. "They're only a bunch of stuck up Slytherins. What do they know?"

"Yeah," the small, blonde boy managed to say as Remus lifted the trunk into the compartment towards which he had been heading. As he did so, Remus heard someone else enter the room and, on turning, he saw to his surprise Eleanor stooping down over the boy to flatten his hair down with the palm of her hand.

"I told you to wait for me…I told you it would be too heavy…" The blonde boy grimaced at her words and it was now, as they stood side by side, that Remus realised why he had struck him as familiar. They both had the same fair hair and the same large, blue eyes.

"Yeah, alright…get off me!" the boy snapped as he pushed her fussing hands away, stuffing his own hands sulkily into his pockets. They even seemed to have the same slight air of petulance.

"Thanks for helping him," Eleanor said, turning to Remus after sticking her tongue out at the stropping blonde boy. Remus went to speak, but whatever polite responses he had been formulating now evaporated and, instead, he simply smiled and, after giving the boy a brief nod, he turned to make his way back to his own compartment.

"Well, someone's feeling sociable today." Eleanor was following him, and, after a moment of deliberating whether or not he should pretend that he hadn't heard her, Remus turned and said, "Sorry…I'm just thinking about Christmas and all…"

"Another one of my favourite holidays," Eleanor offered, still not turning back to return to the boy. She had followed him all the way to his own compartment and now, as Remus turned the corner, he prayed that the other Marauders were not already in there. Remus was relieved to see that the compartment was still empty, and as he sat down he was slightly confused when Eleanor followed him and took the seat opposite.

"That was Sidney, by the way…"

"Sorry?" Remus asked, still distracted by the fact that she was now sitting with him, alone.

"The boy? He's Sidney. My brother. He started in September but already thinks he knows it all. I don't know if we were all like that…" She paused and, after wrinkling her nose as if the thought offended her, she continued, "I hope _I_ wasn't."

If this had been any other time or place, with any other person, perhaps Remus' social skills would have been better. Maybe he could have offered something funny in response…maybe they could have spoken about starting Hogwarts; exchanged first year stories. But Eleanor was still not leaving and at any minute the others would show up and question him endlessly about what she was doing there.

"How did your Transfiguration essay go?" she asked, leaning back into the chair and looking as though she had no intention of leaving.

"Erm…well…" Remus paused and watched her face carefully as she waited patiently for him to respond. No, he was being silly, he told himself, swallowing hard. After all, why shouldn't he make the effort to talk to her? She had only ever been pleasant and kind. She had never given Remus a reason to not want to talk and so it was that Remus Lupin finally ignored the niggling feeling of guilt at the back of his mind and replied, "I suppose I've done okay, but I had detention so I didn't do as much work on it as I would have liked to."

"I wouldn't have taken you for the rebellious type."

"Not like James and Sirius, you mean?" Eleanor's teasing smile disappeared and she shrugged, almost half-heartedly. He had done it again; whenever any girl ever spoke to him, he unconsciously directed the conversation towards James and Sirius. He couldn't help it; it was a force of habit. And besides, Remus was used to girls being very transparent in their questions on the two more popular boys.

Yet Eleanor seemed almost a little annoyed, and she rolled her eyes before saying, "That's not what I meant. Sure, if you think it's okay to go around hexing perfectly innocent people…" Remus smiled. It was unusual to come across a girl who actually disapproved of James' and Sirius' behaviour. Eleanor blushed, the concern of perhaps having said too much against Remus' friends clearly written in her face, and in the awkwardness of her words as she continued more tactfully, "What I meant was, maybe you have hidden depths."

Inwardly, Remus laughed at the irony of what she had just said. If only she really knew of his hidden depths, then there would be little chance she would be speaking to him now. But she was here, sitting with him; completely uninterested in either Sirius or James. She was here, talking to him and him alone. And somewhere deep inside, Remus felt a certain amount of happiness in thinking that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't as invisible as he was so used to feeling.

"You look different," she said so suddenly that Remus now became horribly aware of just how alone they were. All around them, from other compartments, voices could be heard joking, laughing, and squealing with excitement. Out of the window, Remus could see yet more students boarding the Hogwarts Express, some of them already removing their robes and loosening their ties. He suddenly became aware of the slightly stale smell that filled the air; the smell of musty clothes, long forgotten pieces of parchment and crisps that had been eaten long ago in this very compartment.

"Different?" Remus managed to eventually say, ending the awkward silence between them. He smiled unconvincingly before joking, "Am I to take that as an insult?"

Eleanor laughed before shaking her head.

"I mean in your normal clothes…you just look different." Remus looked down at his brown trousers and his somewhat ancient jumper and blushed. "I just suppose we're not used to seeing each other out of uniform…well, apart from Hogsmeade…" Remus looked up from studying his clothes and it was Eleanor's turn to blush and suddenly stop talking, as she became acutely aware that she had, perhaps, been talking too much. But Eleanor had had a point; she too looked different. She looked so much older out of uniform. Her figure was no longer swamped by the dark robes that every student at Hogwarts had to wear. Instead, her own clothes seemed to cling tightly to her frame, making Remus uncomfortably aware of every curve in her body. Her hair, although no different to how it had ever been before, seemed all the lighter. For the first time, Remus felt able to look into her eyes; eyes which – he had never realised before - were so light they appeared almost grey. When she smiled, her cheeks flushed with colour. When she shifted in her seat, Remus noticed the way the fabric of her skirt grew tight across her thighs. He had never, in all honesty, noticed a girl in this way before.

"I'm sorry," Eleanor began, standing. Remus stood too, unsure of what to do. "You obviously want to be left alone. I just kind of saw you and felt you might want to talk…thank you for helping Sydney and all that."

"No, I'm being rude," Remus said, suddenly more embarrassed by his rudeness than by the fact that in ordinary clothes, Remus was becoming dangerously aware of how pretty he found her. "I just…sometimes…" He stopped and Eleanor sat back down, patiently waiting for him to continue. "Sometimes I'm not good with people. I get lost for things to say. It's my own fault, really. I've always been like that. It has nothing to do with you."

Eleanor smiled as if she understood and nodded. Still Remus could not bring himself to sit and, with a certain amount of fascination, he watched as Eleanor produced a piece of parchment from her pocket and began writing something across it. Finally she finished and stood and, after shifting awkwardly on her feet, she held out the parchment for Remus to take.

"It's my address," she said, flicking her hair back. "Just in case you wanted to write over Christmas." Her smile wavered. "I don't know about you, but I get so bored at home. You don't have to, obviously. But if you felt like writing, you could."

Remus tried to say something, but he could only nod in affirmation. Then, as he took the parchment from her, he felt that maybe something else was happening here. Maybe this wasn't really about writing at all. Their hands touched and a peculiar feeling seemed to seep up his arm. Even if he wanted to, Remus felt he could not bring himself to take the parchment and break the contact. Her hand was so warm and so soft in his; against his skin. Eleanor wasn't moving; she hadn't taken her hand away; she hadn't stepped backwards. She too seemed to have frozen with the heat of that touch and was now inching slightly closer towards him. Without thinking or hesitation, Remus tentatively traced the tip of one of his fingers over the back of her hand. She flinched, but not away; and for one frightening moment, Remus seemed to understand what was happening between them. For one frightening moment, Remus liked what he felt…

"Help me here, Moony," a voice behind them said; a voice which caused them to spring apart and drop the piece of parchment they had been holding between them. It fell to the ground; to the feet of Sirius, who was standing in the doorway of the compartment. No-one moved. Sirius said nothing as he stooped to pick up the parchment, turning it curiously in his hand to read what was written there. It seemed that it was this that prompted Eleanor to move, and Remus could not help but catch the scathing looks that passed between Sirius and Eleanor as she said, "Well, I'll see you after Christmas, then."

Remus nodded and she left, pushing her way past Sirius, who, still standing in the doorway, had not moved to allow her to pass. Once again Remus became aware of the laughter from the other compartments; a laughter that seemed to be growing louder all the time. The train gave a jolt and slowly shifted into motion; a shrill whistle alerted the students that they were leaving Hogsmeade station. Sirius stepped into the compartment, his hand extended, holding out the piece of parchment for Remus to take. He took it, his guts twisting with guilt as he shoved it quickly into his trouser pocket.

"If you like her, you like her, Moony," Sirius said, his voice completely devoid of any feeling as he finally took his seat and loosened his tie. "It's obvious she likes you. Maybe you should write to her."

"Maybe," Remus said quietly, although there was so much more to be said. Those words would remain unspoken, however, as James rushed into the carriage with Peter, both red-faced and breathless as Peter managed to splutter, "It nearly went without us."

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Reviews very much appreciated!


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: Once again, thank you to all those who have reviewed. Really does make my day. New Year's Eve now, and we're a little behind schedule, but here's an opportunity to see some good interaction between the Marauders. Coupled with Firewhiskey and you're bound to get some uncomfortable truths...the tension is building...

Thanks to Meg and Rosie who delete all my semi-colons!

Disclaimer: I do genuinely wonder but I do not own Harry Potter.

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He could have gone the Muggle way, of course. He could have taken the two trains, then the bus, and made the short walk to James' house, although, if he had done, it would have taken him forever to get there. As Remus alighted from his broomstick in a deserted field some way outside of James' home town, he watched a flock of birds, that he had been flying alongside only moments before, continuing to twist their way across the purple sky towards the dying sun. It had been freezing, flying on New Year's Eve. Remus had spent most of the journey desperately attempting to re-tie his scarf and trying to stop his hat from slipping in front of his eyes. Lucky James and Sirius hadn't seen him, he now thought to himself as, tucking his broomstick under one arm, he set off in the direction of the twinkling town lights on the crest of the hill. He never flew in front of them if he could help it, both of them being far more skilled at flying than he was. In fact, James was incredible. Ever since his first year, he had been able to do the sort of manoeuvres rarely even contemplated by the bravest of professional Quidditch players. Peter often told James that he was destined for stardom, clapping him on the back, and James himself rarely disagreed with him. It was times like that when Remus thought that maybe James' harmless arrogance was actually fuelled by the Marauders themselves. Maybe they were all, in some way, to blame.

Remus followed the line of conifers down into the valley knowing that, at any moment, he would see the iron gate, which would lead him into the Potters' back garden, appear in between the shrubbery. Remus, in all the time he had known James, had only ever been to his house twice before. There seemed so little point in out-of-school visits, when they saw so much of each other during term time anyway. Peter had never had the confidence to ask his parents whether or not his friends could come and stay, let alone pluck up the courage to actually invite the Marauders. Remus' parents were always too nervous about drawing too much attention to themselves in the surrounding area to have too many wizards and witches in the house at one time. And Sirius - well, he had once, as they had all sat silently together in the library, asked them if they wanted to come for tea at Grimmauld Place, only to get them thrown out of the library for the laughter that had followed. James seemed to like having them around, Remus thought to himself as he turned off the main road and down a narrow cul-de-sac. He, more than Peter or Remus, seemed to keenly feel the loneliness of being an only child. Of course, things were different now; now that Sirius had moved in. Sirius was the only Marauder to have any siblings, although now, Remus supposed that Regulus didn't really count. Over the years, Sirius and James had become so close that it wasn't at all surprising that they were living as brothers. It hadn't surprised Remus in the least that the Potters had invited Sirius to stay.

Remus propped his broomstick up inside the porch before wiping his feet and knocking on the door. The daylight was rapidly slipping away and a frost had already begun to dust the pathway with a silver sheen. Remus pulled his coat tighter around himself as he knocked again, a little louder than before, his breath freezing on the air as he waited. Eventually, Remus could hear movement from inside; footsteps rushing down the stairs; the sound of someone falling followed by a whimper of pain and strangled laughter. Finally, the door was opened and James beamed as he pulled Remus inside, slamming the door with a great thud behind him. Peter had been the one who had fallen and now he was in the process of untangling himself from the muddle of cloaks he had pulled down with him from the pegs. Sirius was standing at the top of the stairs, leaning against the banister, arms folded across his chest.

"Good Christmas, Moony?" Peter asked, eventually managing to sort himself out. Remus took off his coat, hat and scarf and hung them on an empty peg before replying, "It was alright. It's freezing out."

"Yeah, I flew here too. I was going to get the train, but…"

"Mummy couldn't trust him," Sirius interjected. Sirius had yet to meet Remus' eye, even though he had been looking right at him ever since he had entered. None of them had spoken since they had left platform nine and three quarters, and even then it had been a sort of rushed goodbye.

"Shut it, Padfoot, for a minute," James said, clapping Remus hard on the back, half guiding him up the stairs. Sirius sighed, rolling his eyes before retorting impatiently, "Look, you better ask him soon, before you get so far stuck up his…"

"Ask me what?" Remus was instantly suspicious. No wonder James had automatically jumped to Peter's defence instead of joining in; he was trying to get Remus on side. There was something that they wanted Remus to do. James still had one arm over Remus' shoulder as they began to climb the creaking staircase.

"There's just something I need a little help with. You're by far the best at this sort of thing out of any of us…" Sirius, who was ahead of them, scoffed. James scowled at the back of Sirius' head before continuing; "Besides, we've got plenty of time…"

"James' parents have gone away for the night." Peter's voice was tinged with excitement as James reached up to pull down the ladder which led to the attic. "We've got the whole house to ourselves!"

"They've gone to some big party in London. Something to do with the Ministry…I think they thought that if _you_ were here, Moony, you'd be able to exert some sort of control."

"But we've got some Firewhiskey that I stole from my dad's cabinet…" Peter had now pulled himself into the attic room and was bobbing up and down excitedly. "We're really going to see the New Year in…"

"You really are such a simple creature, aren't you, Wormtail?" Sirius snapped from the opposite side of the room, and Remus pulled himself up just in time to see him flop down on one of the cushions that were strewn across the floor. Peter said nothing, although he was clearly hurt, as he sat down on a low, wicker chair, picking up a copy of the_ Daily Prophet_ and beginning to read. It was wrong of Sirius to talk to Peter like that. He may have been slightly annoying, from time to time, but Peter was still their friend. Yet before Remus could say anything, James was crouching down on the floor next to Sirius, pushing towards Remus whatever it was that he needed help with.

"You're joking, right…" Remus said, lifting his eyes to James, who was eagerly awaiting more of a response. Remus then looked at Sirius, who was now lying idly across the floor, quietly charming a feather that had shot out of one of the pillows he had sat on, so that now it floated gently on the air. "Is this why you kept stealing from Slughorn's store?"

"Oh, come on ,Moony, we've all had a go at it, but we just can't get it to go right." James flicked through the copy of _Advanced Potions for the Average_.

"You know I won't help you make it," Remus said. Sirius' eyes did not leave the feather. James slammed his book shut.

"I told you, didn't I, Prongs, but you wouldn't listen, would you?" Sirius said. "You would have been better off asking Snape."

"Maybe I would have if I had his address." Sirius forgot about the feather and sat up, a barely contained smile tracing his lips as he replied maliciously, "Well, I'm sure Lily would have it…why don't you owl and ask her?"

James threw a pillow, which, laughing, Sirius dodged. Peter had long ago left the copy of the_ Daily Prophet_ forgotten by his chair, and had moved across the room to be closer.

"Please, Remus…just help me out…I'll never ask you for anything again, I swear." Remus raised an eyebrow.

"I think we both know that that's a lie." Peter nodded vigorously beside them. "And besides, do you really think you need Amortentia to get Lily to like you? It's a bit extreme, isn't it?"

James sighed heavily, kicking his Potions book in frustration before standing. "Well, if you can think of any other way, tell me because I'm sick to bloody death of it. I don't know how it can hurt to give it a try. You may think it's desperate – well, then…I guess that makes me desperate, too."

Peter twitched nervously, his eyes moving between James and Remus; James who was standing, and Remus who was seated in front of the cauldron and the books. Remus looked for Sirius, who had long ago picked up a Quidditch magazine, and now, seemed to be giving this his utmost attention. _It would be wrong_, Remus told himself, staring down into the cauldron; no-one deserved to be tricked into love against their will. Yet James was looking so desperate. And, after all, it was New Year's Eve. Sirius' eyes became visible over the top of the magazine; he could sense that Remus was relenting. Eventually, Remus took off his shoes and, after peering down into the cauldron for a second time, he said quietly, "Well, it's the wrong temperature for a start." Sirius was laughing behind his magazine; Peter clapped his hands excitedly; and James, who had been nervously pacing the room, suddenly flung himself down next to Remus to watch.

An hour had passed and finally Remus had managed to salvage James' potion; a potion which, however hard James professed, bore absolutely no resemblance to Amortentia. Remus had to start virtually from scratch. The whole time, James had been thanking Remus; Sirius had sat in virtual silence, occasionally unable to refrain from insulting his friends. Finally, the potion was finished and now the four Marauders sat, gazing down into the cauldron, each watching with fascination the shimmering liquid, which was sending spirals of mist up into the air.

"That's it…" James said, comparing the potion he saw in front of him with the description in the book. "That's exactly what it's supposed to look like…"

"Well, what now?" Peter asked. Remus shrugged. Maybe he hadn't really thought this through. Maybe he shouldn't have been so easily convinced…god _knows what James was planning to do now_. Luckily, as Remus looked at him, he was almost certain that James hadn't really thought this through either, as he was now looking desperately at Sirius.

"I hadn't really thought about it…Padfoot…what do you think?"

"This was your bright idea, Prongs, not mine. Besides," he said, suddenly springing into life, walking across the room to where Peter's belongings were and rummaging through the bags, "I'm bored of just sitting, watching Remus make a potion. It's New Year's Eve…where's that Firewhiskey you were boasting about, Wormtail?"

Peter went to speak, but Remus spoke instead, addressing Sirius for the first time since he had entered James' house. "You shouldn't just go through his things like that." Sirius raised his eyes from the pile of bags to Remus then, to surprise of all the other Marauders, ignored him before continued to look.

"It's here," Peter said, rushing over to help Sirius. James stood, stretching away the pins and needles that had seized his legs and, with a flick of the wand, turned on all the lamps in the room, banishing the dark to the cold night outside. When Sirius returned with the bottle, James had produced four paper cups and was lining them up on the floor. Remus had never been a drinker; he had always hated the smell of Firewhiskey, never mind the taste, and as he watched Sirius fill up the cups with the burning, red liquid, Remus cringed. Peter took his cup and eagerly swirled the drink under his nostrils. Remus had never seen Peter drink. James and Sirius occasionally managed to commandeer bottles of Firewhiskey, stealing them from older students or swiping them from Slughorn's desk. One night last year, James and Sirius had staggered back to the dormitory roaring drunk, smelling of alcohol, with their clothes covered in mud, sludge and water from where they had thought it suddenly a good idea to attempt to wrestle the Giant Squid. Remus had never been drunk and so he hardly expected James to think he would take the paper cup that he was now being offered. He smiled a refusal and James shrugged, kicking off his shoes before taking a brisk swig from his own cup. Peter was sipping his slowly, his whole face twisting with disgust with every mouthful he swallowed.

"Are you always such a bloody puritan?" Sirius was twisting his cup in his hand as he flicked through James' LP's. There was no doubt who had spoken.

"Not always," Remus carefully responded, his eyes still on Sirius' face, which was half shrouded in lamplight.

"He just doesn't like drinking…" James too was watching his friend.

"It's not really about not wanting to drink, though, is it, Remus?" Sirius' attention was finally on Remus; he seemed to have suddenly forgotten the LP's he had been studying and was now glaring darkly at his friend. Remus could feel the anger rising within him; he thought they had made up when Sirius had come back from Grimmauld Place. They had agreed not to argue anymore. They had agreed to remember that they were friends. Yet now Sirius was attacking him once again; taunting him, tempting him into an argument he didn't want to have. Sirius had always been impossible to ignore; a dull hatred seemed etched into every line of his face as he continued to articulate slowly, "It's the same thing with the drink as it was with that potion. It's not that you don't want to do something…you just don't want to do anything that would make you part of the group. Here we are, all friends, all alone on New Year's Eve with a bottle of Firewhiskey that's begging to be drunk. And here you are, trying to ruin everything."

"Come on, Padfoot…" James' voice was lost, however, as Remus could no longer ignore Sirius' words.

"Hasn't it occurred to you that maybe the reason I don't drink, or don't want to make Amortentia, is that I have a mind of my own? That maybe I think there's more to life than just going along with what you want?"

Peter gasped and James stared dumbly at Remus, shocked at what he had just said. Sirius, however, was smiling. He had stooped to pick up Remus' cup and was now holding a cup of Firewhiskey in each hand as he walked very slowly towards Remus. He held the cup out for Remus to take, the same curious smile upon his face as he said darkly, "Come on then, Remus. You have a mind of your own, don't you?"

Remus hesitated before taking the cup that was offered, staring down at the pungent liquid. It would be so easy to go along; to briskly drain the contents of the cup. Yet if did that, he would be telling Sirius that everything was alright; that everything had been forgiven and they could simply forget all that had gone before. This was something that could not be resolved with a drink; Remus would never toast to that. He smiled as, very slowly, he began to pour his drink into Sirius' empty cup. Sirius gave a sharp bark of laughter, before swiftly draining what had been Remus' drink. Remus sat down in the low wicker chair. Sirius was already re-filling his cup.

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Yikes...the tension...reviews always appreciated! xxx


	24. Chapter 24

A/N: Thank you to all my faithful reviewers! I'm glad that the tension is being appreciated: it is rather delicious to write. The uncomfortable situation continues, what else would you expect when Firewhiskey's concerned? I'm sure we've all read enough fanfiction to know what drinking entails. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter; James has a little too much to drink, and voices some uncomfortable truths about his friends.

Thanks to Meg and Rosie, who are ever patient with their corrections.

Disclaimer: I wish I did but, unfortunately, I do not own Harry Potter.

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"Come on, Wormtail," James said, carefully placing the needle down upon the record, filling the room with the first, crackling notes of a familiar song. "You have to tell us…"

Peter wriggled uncomfortably, his eyes automatically seeking Remus for support. _Poor Peter_, Remus thought to himself. The questioning had begun about fifteen minutes ago and now it was Peter's turn to answer. Harmless questions, really; questions that are asked amongst friends when alcohol is consumed. Remus had watched as his friends had gradually slipped from sobriety into drunkenness. Peter had, predictably, been the first to go, although how much of his drunken behaviour was genuine, Remus found it hard to tell. Maybe it was the way he seemed a little too loud, a little too clumsy (well, more than usual) that made Remus doubt, but Peter hadn't seemed to have drunk half as much Firewhiskey as James or Sirius.

James was a hilarious drunk - although it was not particularly funny to watch as he staggered from one side of the room to the other, the case to the LP he had just put on slipping from his hand. Eventually it fell and, after squinting down to where it had fallen, James suddenly burst into laughter, his glasses slipping down his nose as he clutched desperately at his sides. No; he was funny because when he was drunk, all his worries about what he was doing or saying seemed to disappear and now, as he slumped down heavily on the floor beside Remus, he seemed not to care what the others would think if he reached across and ruffled Remus' hair affectionately. Remus cringed slightly and Sirius laughed. Sirius, despite the amount of Firewhiskey he had consumed, seemed to remain exactly the same. _Well, maybe not_, Remus amended to himself as he made a half-hearted attempt to bat James' hand away once more. Sirius had become a lot quieter since the drinking had begun, only now and again answering James' questions. He had avoided the opportunities to insult Peter, or to snap at Remus, and instead, he seemed to have been carefully listening to everything that was being said, occasionally moving to re-fill his cup.

Remus had abstained from the drinking. Even though it was New Year's Eve and he was amongst friends, Remus could not bring himself to swallow his pride and take the drink that Sirius had offered. It about something else; he had changed its meaning so it had meant more than simply refusing alcohol. He could feel that their friendship was changing…and it was not just happening between him and Sirius, but to the other Marauders, too. They were growing older…perhaps they were growing apart? Remus shuddered at the thought, a shudder which James did not notice as he once again repeated his question.

"I…I can't…" Peter stammered, and James sighed dramatically, throwing his arms up in the air with the words, "What are you so worried about, Wormtail? It's not like we'd go and tell anyone, is it? Anyone we'd tell is sitting in this room…"

"Maybe he knows we'd use it against him," Remus couldn't help but say. Sirius' face cracked into a dark smile as he sat up, his eyes fixed on Peter's nervous face.

"Oh, come on, Prongs, you honestly don't know who he fancies?" James shrugged. Peter once again looked nervously to Remus. Sirius laughed as he leant into James and whispered the name into his ear. Remus couldn't hear what he had said and yet, he didn't have to. Even if he had not already known, he would have been able to tell by the way James paled.

"You fa…fancy Lily?" James spluttered, half shocked, half furious. Peter said nothing; his face was red, and his eyes were pale and watery and he looked ready to transfigure at any minute. Sirius, however, continued to laugh as he threw an arm about James' shoulders and, after pulling his friend to him, he said, "Come on, half the boys at Hogwarts think they're half in love with her. _I_ even thought she was sort of pretty at one point." James was aghast, but even Peter was giggling now. Remus watched as Sirius placed the tip of one of his fingers on James' chin and closed his mouth with the words, "Don't worry, I soon realised that she was a little too high maintenance for me. Besides, how could I ever compare to you?"

"B…but…you're my friends…" James was having difficulty processing what Sirius had just said. James had never been very observant. If he had been, he would have noticed, just as Remus had noticed, the way in which Peter seemed to become virtually silent whenever Lily was present or the way, in their fourth year, Sirius had taken a particular interest in Lily's whereabouts. It all meant nothing, however; that was something Remus was sure of. And Peter, who seemed to have composed himself slightly, managed to mumble, "You know, Prongs, she'd never look at me twice…I'd never do anything, anyway…we're friends, aren't we?"

James nodded and, after a moment thinking over what had been said, he suddenly stood up and said, "But she'd never look at sodding Snape twice, would she? And yet she'd rather talk to him than me…"

"They're just friends, James. They have a lot in common, that's all."

James looked at Remus, the corners of his mouth twitching as if he had something to say. After pacing to and fro for a moment, he sat back down, his head resting on one of the pillows and, after sighing heavily, he began, "I know you're right, Moony…I know they're just friends, but…I don't know if any of you really understand how I feel…"

"Course we bloody do," Sirius suddenly interjected. "You remind us daily…you love her, we've got it."

"That's the thing, though - you haven't!" James was suddenly angry and Remus was shocked to see the way he sat up, rounding on Sirius and almost shouting as he continued, "You wouldn't have the first clue about what I'm going on about. You've never been in love with anyone, Padfoot – well, apart from yourself. You've never even loved anyone in your family, so how could you possibly know?" Sirius said nothing, his face unreadable as he too continued to watch James grow redder and redder. All at once, James' attention was on Remus and with the same venom he had directed at Sirius, he said, "And you…Remus…you're too bloody scared to let anyone near you in case they'll hate you. You're so worried about what people think that you'll never let yourself have anything you want." James was shaking now; his chest was rising and falling rapidly as he struggled to remain composed, turning to Peter and saying, "If you keep thinking you're not good enough…if you keep letting us push you around, then one day we'll push you too far, do you get what I'm saying, Wormtail?" Peter was frozen, his hands tightly gripping the cushion he was sat upon.

James swallowed more harsh words as he lay back down on the floor to stare up at the ceiling. He was drunk, Remus told himself, unable to take in what had just been said; James was only saying these things because he was drunk. Yet it had been true, everything James had just said had been true, and as James went to speak further, Remus' guts tightened at the thought of what was coming next. Yet whatever Remus had been expecting, it did not come. Instead, James' voice was soft; the anger of only moments before seemed to have vanished, and his voice was barely above a whisper as he said, "I love her…I just love her, and there's nothing else to it. I know you all laugh and take the piss and I don't really mind; it's just that…it hurts sometimes. You all have no idea what it's like for me to love her. She's not just some girl who thinks I'm amazing at Quidditch…she's fantastic, you know? She's special. There is no-one else like her. And I don't just want to go to Hogsmeade with her, or want someone to study with at the weekends…" James hesitated, blinking steadily up at the shadows of the Marauders that were cast upon the ceiling before continuing, "I want to marry her…I want to spend the rest of my life loving her, and only her. I want that more badly than I've ever wanted anything. More badly than I want to beat Slytherin in the new term, more badly than I want to become Head Boy next year…I just want her. If I had her, I'd love her to the day I died, I know I would. There's nothing I wouldn't do…"

James stopped talking, blushing suddenly, turning his attention to the cauldron on the opposite side of the room. Then suddenly he laughed, breaking the spell of the words he had just spoken, a spell that seemed to have entranced all the Marauders, and said, "Maybe you're right, Moony…maybe Amortentia is a bit desperate…" Remus could only nod in response; he was shocked at the strength of the words James had spoken. He had been surprised by the depth of feeling. He hadn't thought that James could ever be that serious about anything. Now, Remus felt ashamed of the times he had joined Sirius in mocking him for it…they had had no right, it wasn't fair. As Remus looked at Sirius now, he had no idea whether or not Sirius was thinking the same thing. He was staring down at James, his eyes moving swiftly up and down the length of his body as if searching for something. Yet this gaze was broken as James suddenly stood, and, after swaying uncertainly on his feet for a moment, laughed before wincing and saying, "I think we should get rid of it in the morning…"

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Hope you all liked that chapter. As always, feel free to let me know by hitting that review button! xxx 


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: Wow! Thank you for all those lovely reviews, they really do restore my faith in what I'm writing as, like most writers, I often suffer from hideous self-doubt. When I checked my emails I naturally assumed all my reviews were for this story, and yet I was pleasantly suprised to find I had a review for "Patient Potions Master" too. It always feels good to have the old appreciated as much as the new.

Anyway, returning to the story in hand. James' words have a definate affect on the Marauders; and two Marauders in particular find it hard to speak. For those of you who are enjoying the tension it returns...agonisingly so. Hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it.

Again, thank you to Rosie and Meg. Without them, this really would be an unreadable mess!

Disclaimer: Tis a shame but, alas, I don't own Harry Potter.

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Remus laid there in the dark. Peter was beside him, only his head visible over the top of his sleeping bag. Every now and again, he would twitch his nose and let out a tiny, rather pathetic snore before settling back down once more to sleep. How long Remus had been lying there, staring up at the patterns that the shadow of the trees outside made across the ceiling, he could not be sure. Shifting carefully, so as to not wake Peter beside him, Remus lifted his arm so that his wristwatch was better visible in the pale light from outside. It was a quarter to twelve; so much for staying up and seeing in the New Year in style. Slowly, Remus began to kick his own sleeping bag from his feet, sitting up and rubbing his eyes before gazing about the room. In the dark, he could just about make out James, who had fallen asleep in the wicker chair rather than returning to his own bedroom on the floor below. He was still fully clothed; his glasses were bending across his nose due to the pressure of leaning against the side of the chair. Even the cup he had been drinking from was balanced carefully on the arm. It was almost as if he had not moved since he had sat down hours ago.

Remus sat up, craning his neck to make out the sleeping form of Sirius on the opposite side of the room frozen beneath the many blankets he had collected from the room he now shared with James. How could they all sleep, Remus wondered, suddenly aware of how cold it was in the attic room as he stood up, leaving the warmth of the bedding that was strewn across the floor. How could they just ignore the accusations that James had levelled at all of them; accusations that, however much it pained Remus to admit it, were true? It had hurt to hear what James had to say with the confidence of alcohol pushing him onwards. Had he only said these things because of the Firewhiskey? Or was this what James really believed? Remus reached down and with one, brisk tug managed to prise his jumper from underneath Peter's head without waking him. It had been hard to hear James say the things that Remus had known; things he too had recognised in his friends and yet, for some reason, things he always chose to ignore. Was it his place to tell Peter that his lack of confidence could be manipulated in far more dangerous ways than ever it was by the Marauders? Was it really his place to tell Sirius that maybe if he allowed himself to feel, he would, perhaps, better understand the feelings of others? Remus shivered as he pulled on the jumper he had just retrieved, and he began to cautiously pick his way amongst his friends in an attempt to reach the bathroom without waking them. He felt, for one horrible moment, like he he was going to be sick.

It was even darker in the bathroom than it had been in the attic room; even darker than it had been on the landing Remus had reached after carefully climbing down the rickety ladder. In this bathroom, there appeared to be no window; no way of letting in the blackish light from outside. Remus felt along the walls and yet he could not find the light switch. Damn it, he thought, as he realised he had left his wand upstairs. But even as he thought it, a shimmering, pale blue light began to very gradually melt through the blackness, and Remus started as he saw Sirius sitting cross-legged in the bathtub.

"I didn't know you were so good at non-verbal magic," Remus said, finding the light switch in the blue light and turning it on. Sirius shrugged and lowered his wand. "I've been practising."

Remus nodded and moved to the sink, turning the taps and filling the basin with warm water. The nausea had left him but he still felt cold, and his stomach seemed to be gripped with the words James had spoken. His reflection seemed haggard in the mirror; his eyes were circled with black as if the fatigue of the flight here had only just hit him. Behind him, Remus watched as Sirius tilted his head back, pressing it against the white tiles as he began solemnly, "I couldn't sleep…not after all that stuff James said…"

"Me neither," Remus said, turning to face his friend. Sirius smiled and shrugged, exhaling deeply before he looked down into the bath in which he was sitting. "What do you think, Moony? Do you think I…" Sirius stopped, his smile disappearing as he began to idly trace patterns in the enamel with the tip of his wand. Remus said nothing, waiting for Sirius to continue; waiting for him to say something to him after what felt like months of silence. Sirius suddenly looked up, the false smile returning as he said quickly, "I know James was pissed and that he probably won't remember half of what he said in the morning, but I just didn't like hearing all that."

Remus turned away and plunged his hands into the warm water, splashing his face and running his wet hands through his hair. Beads of water ran down the back of his neck as he repeated this action before pulling the plug and, after grabbing the towel from the rail, he turned to dry his face just in time to see what looked like tears being wiped away from Sirius' face.

"I know I might not be good with saying what I mean but it's not because I don't feel, Remus, you've got to understand that. I know I can be an insensitive git sometimes, but it's not because I don't understand." Remus nodded, finding it impossible to tell whether or not, in the brief moments it had taken to wash his face, Sirius had, indeed, been crying. He, of course, would never ask, and Sirius would never tell. "And I do love…" Sirius' voice had lost some of the forced assurance of before as he continued, "I love Peter and James. I love James more than any member of my sodding family. And I love…" Remus had frozen by the wash basin, the towel still in his hand as he watched Sirius struggle with the words. Sirius had looked up as he had broken his speech and was now looking at Remus as if he couldn't bring himself to say what he wanted to. He blushed, laughing with an air of false confidence that told Remus that he was not going to say what he had originally intended to. "I love all of you and I would do anything for any one of you. I just…I'm just not good at…"

"I know," Remus said, smiling reassuringly. Sirius sighed, his hands flopping over the sides of the tub; he seemed to be thinking to himself.

"I know what James said about me is true," Remus began, uncertain as to whether or not Sirius would want to hear what he had to say. Yet Sirius did not move and did not mock, so, taking this as a cue to carry on, Remus replaced the towel before continuing, "I know I'll never be happy…not really happy, Padfoot, not as happy as I'd want to be. It's just not an option for me."

Sirius scoffed, although not unkindly, and Remus looked down at the cold bathroom floor and said, "It's alright though, it really is. I'm used to the idea by now. I listen to James go on about Lily and I'm not jealous, really I'm not. I don't even want that…really…" Remus' voice faltered as he spoke the lie. If Sirius looked up, he would see in Remus' face that it was all untrue. Yet Sirius did not move; he was listening, really listening, for once. "Besides, I don't think I really have it in me to be that close to anyone. It's not something I've had a lot of practice at."

"That's complete and utter bollocks, Moony, and you know it is." Sirius had now stepped out of the bath and was sitting on the side of it, his voice shaking with anger. "You're someone who understands other people, you get it…you just seem to think you don't. I think that you have it in you to be just as happy as James or as anyone, but it's like James said, you're just scared. But you shouldn't be, Remus, you really shouldn't, because - if you can find three boys at Hogwarts who can see past your furry little problem, then I'm sure that there's a girl out there that can too."

"Is that what you really think?" Remus could hardly believe what Sirius was saying, and yet it had to be true. Sirius stood and closed the distance between them, his voice impatient as he replied, "Of course that's what I think, Moony. Don't I always tell you what I think?"

"No…not always…" the words had passed his lips before he even had time to consider them and now, Sirius was studying Remus' face closely, almost as if he expected more words to come. Remus remained silent, gagged by the fact that he hadn't really understood what he had said himself. After what seemed like forever, Sirius took a step back and, after giving a casual smirk, he reached down to take Remus' hand. Remus' heart seemed to thud in his ears as he felt Sirius' fingertips, rough from the hours of Quidditch practice, brush gently against his own. It was odd, it was almost too brisk, and as Sirius raised their hands, twisting Remus' in his own, Remus found himself suddenly reminded of the way he had felt with Eleanor's hand in his. Then, the gesture had been hurried and guilty, whereas this gesture felt slow and strangely intimate; the repeat of a gesture that had happened many times before. Sirius read the time and dropped Remus' hand and, automatically, Remus wiped his hand on the side of his leg as if to rid himself of the uncomfortable, prickling sensation he felt.

Completely oblivious, Sirius laughed, tossing his head back and saying, "So much for some wild New Year's Eve." The laughter stopped and Sirius moved to the door, twisting the handle and pulling it partially open as if to walk out. Yet something stopped him and as he turned back around, Remus saw for the first time in months a smile of genuine affection as Sirius said, "Happy New Year, Moony," before closing the door behind him. Remus looked down at his watch. It was 12.01am.

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Oh the tension is delicious evil cackle. It is all about what isn't said, rather than what is. Reviews will make my day. Hope you're all enjoying this! xxx 


	26. Chapter 26

A/N: Finally, after many months of trying (and failing) to get this accepted to Mugglenet, they have finally accepted it! Never fear, I shall still continue to post here. I just hope everyone continues to enjoy my story.

Thanks again to Rosie and Meg for doing what they do best.

Disclaimer: I don't own, so don't sue.

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If Remus had known it was going to be this cold then maybe, just maybe, he would not have agreed to James' suggestion that they all go outside to play a friendly game of catch. Considering the amount of Firewhiskey he had consumed the night before, it seemed that James was simply not the kind of person to suffer from a hangover. He had bounded across the room and shaken Peter - who had slept on long after the other Marauders had woken – awake. James had nearly knocked Sirius' bowl of cereal out of his hands (a bowl of cereal that Remus had persuaded Sirius to eat, trying to convince him that it would be a much healthier breakfast than the Chocolate Frog he had intended to have) as he woke Peter up, telling him that if he didn't get a bloody move on then they'd go and play without him. So it was that Remus Lupin was now high on his broomstick, a good few miles away from the Potters' house, his eyes searching the skyline for the outline of his friends.

"Moony, I'm over here!" James' voice could just about be heard and Remus turned to see his friend hurtling towards him, Quaffle in hand. A friendly game of catch had quickly turned into an aggressive game of Quidditch; James and Remus on one side, and Sirius and Peter on the other. Sirius was close behind James, and just a little bit above him, in an attempt to intercept the Quaffle when James threw it to Remus. Peter seemed to be miles behind and as they grew nearer, Remus could hear Sirius yelling at Peter to get his bloody arse in gear.

James threw the Quaffle and, rather miraculously, Remus somehow managed to catch it, stretching up and wobbling precariously on his broom. Yet the moment he had it in his hands, Remus wanted nothing more than to rid himself of the ball. He hesitated, hearing that a short way behind him, James and Sirius were approaching fast.

"Move, Moony, for god's sake!" James yelled and suddenly, Remus sprung into action. Bending low over his broom, Remus flew as fast as he could, all the while juggling the Quaffle in his arms, looking back to see when James would overtake. Remus lurched forward as he felt another broomstick slam into the back of his and, glancing over his shoulder, he saw that Sirius was almost upon him. They were reaching the line of trees that they had decided would act as one end of the pitch; James had charmed one of the branches to grow and twist round in the form a goalpost. But before Remus could aim, Sirius once again knocked violently into his back, causing his broom to lurch and the Quaffle to slip out of his hands. Sirius caught it with a confident smile before twisting his broomstick round to race back up to the other end of the field. James had caught up to where Remus was now hovering and, short of breath, he managed to say, "Don't worry, you did alright. Besides, he'll have to pass it to Peter at some point, and then we'll take our chance. We decided on at least three passes before goal, remember?"

Remus did remember, and now he followed James as he flew up the field, rapidly closing the distance between themselves and Sirius and Peter. Sirius seemed reluctant to pass, and yet he had no choice. James was far too close behind him now and they were too near to the goal. Reluctantly, he called Peter's name and threw, and, to the astonishment of all the other Marauders, Peter caught the Quaffle and held it tightly in his arms, unwilling to let go. But Sirius was shouting again and both Remus and James were closing in, and Remus saw Peter, after mumbling something under his breath, throw the Quaffle towards the goal. It went in and Sirius cheered - but this cheer soon disappeared as the Quaffle continued to zip through the air and out of sight.

"You cheat, Wormtail!" James yelled before flying off in the direction of the Quaffle, his attention fixed on its movement. Peter shrugged and tried to laugh it off but Sirius was already flying off after James and, after a moment hovering beside him, Remus said, "Come on, let's go find it."

It had snowed during the night and the countryside that seemed to flit by below them was blanketed in white. Remus flew high to avoid being seen as he struggled to keep the moving shape of Sirius in sight. Peter was moving more slowly, unable to keep up - although whether this was truly a mater of speed, or one of fear, Remus couldn't tell. They passed over farms with fields full of shivering sheep, their black faces standing out against the white of their fleeces and of the snow. _We must be miles away from the Potters house now_, Remus thought to himself, glancing back briefly to make sure that Peter was still following. Suddenly, a long way in front of them, the shape of Sirius pulled up and began to fly downwards. Remus followed, indicating that Peter should do the same, and as they drew closer to the ground, Remus saw that Sirius had alighted just outside a churchyard and was now running towards James, who was, it appeared, lying motionless on the floor.

From the moment Remus' feet touched the ground he was running, following the imprints of Sirius' feet in the snow through the churchyard.

"Remus, help me!" Sirius shouted as Remus skidded to his knees where James was sitting, shivering and wet, in the snow, his nose pouring with blood.

"What happened? Did you see what happened?" Remus asked as his fingers tenderly began to explore James' face to ascertain the extent of the hurt. James winced and pounded his fists into the snow.

"He nearly caught it - the Quaffle - when it suddenly…the charm must have worn off, and it flung back and hit him right on the nose. Then I see him slip off his broom and start to fall…I think he's alright apart from that…"

"Well, when _you_ have a broken nose, I'll remember to be as sympathetic as you," James said, before howling in pain. His glasses were bent; the glass of one of the lenses had shattered completely, and now only a few fragments remained. Remus pulled out his wand and said, "Just hold still, Prongs, and I'll fix this." James stopped writhing and, carefully aiming his wand at James' nose, Remus said "_Episkey_", and James' nose was healed. James felt his nose gingerly and grinned. It was obvious that it didn't hurt anymore. Yet his smile seemed to disappear as he looked down at the snow, the snow, which seemed to be covered with his blood. After staring fixedly down at the ground for a moment, James attempted to stand. Sirius helped him to his feet and for the first time, James saw where it was he had fallen.

"Bit of a depressing place this, isn't it?" James said, taking his handkerchief and wiping away the rest of the blood from his face. Sirius looked around at headstones that seemed to burst out from the snowy ground and shivered.

"What do you think, Moony? Probably best if James sits for a bit, right?" Remus noted the concern in Sirius' voice and he nodded. "Let's go inside the church. It will be a little bit warmer there."

The church seemed abandoned; the doors were locked tight to the cold outside. But with a quick whisper of _Alohomora,_ the three of them were inside, dusting the powdery snow from their clothes. Peter had yet to appear, and Remus hadn't had the time to check whether or not he had followed him as he had descended to help James. No doubt he was around here somewhere; sulking because his attempt to cheat hadn't worked, or afraid that James had been seriously hurt. No matter, Remus thought as he, Sirius and James shuffled their way through the echoing church; James would be alright.

Yet as Remus turned to look at James, who had slumped down by Sirius in one of the pews, he was shocked to see that his friend was pale and shivering, his eyes fixed on the large, stained-glass window above the altar. Remus turned to look and saw what it was that seemed to be upsetting him; interwoven into the familiar biblical scenes, Remus could clearly make out the image of a golden Griffin, set against a backdrop of bright, scarlet glass. Odd, thought Remus, as a shiver ran through him. He didn't see why it should affect James so badly. Remus turned to Sirius, who was pointing out the gargoyles that lined the stonework above. Every single one of them was, or looked extremely like, a Griffin. It was then that Remus noticed the colours of the cushions in the pew in which they were sat; red and gold, the same red and gold they had all come to associate with their own house.

"What's going on?" James stammered, his teeth chattering as he once again nervously sought the handkerchief he had stuffed into his pocket. "Where are we?" Sirius moved first, rushing over to what appeared to be a copy of the Bible, lying closed on the altar.

"Do you really think you should be doing that?" Remus asked as he watched Sirius violently turn to the inside cover. Sirius' face fell and, as he walked back towards them with the book held open so they could see the words there, Remus felt a strange chill come over him: 'Property of the parish of Godric's Hollow.'

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Reviews would be very much appreciated xxx


	27. Chapter 27

A/N: Apologies for my absence and taking SO long to update. But, finally, here is the next chapter for all of my faithful few to enjoy. I left our boys in the last chapter a little uneasy, but this uneasiness only continues as the discuss what being where they are could really mean.

Thanks to my betas, without whom none of this would make any sense.

Disclaimer: Despite me wondering, I do not own Harry Potter.

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Silence had descended in the church, and Remus even imagined he could hear the sound of the snow that had once again begun to fall, slowly pelting the stained glass. He had sat down in the pew beside James and now both of them were re-reading the words on the inside cover of the Bible Sirius was holding: 'Property of the parish of Godric's Hollow.' It was James who spoke first, his eyes not moving from the open page as he whispered, "Wh…what does that mean, do you think?"

Sirius slammed the Bible shut impatiently, tossing his head back and sending his hair flying back over his shoulders as he replied, "Nothing. It doesn't mean anything…it's a coincidence…"

"Pretty scary coincidence if you ask me…" Though Sirius had taken the Bible away, James was still staring. The blood that he had not managed to wipe away had dried on his face, making his skin appear muddy and brown. "We must have flown further than we thought…Godric's Hollow is miles away from my house…it's right over on the opposite side of the valley."

Remus shivered as James spoke, unable to tear his eyes away from the Griffins that seemed to be everywhere in the church; in the stained glass, in the gold and scarlet cloth that was draped over the altar, carved into the back of the very pews they were sitting in. Even Remus had to admit that as far as coincidences went, he was not used to encountering so many emblems of their house outside of Hogwarts. He hadn't even known that this place, Godric's Hollow, existed. Sirius, however, seemed to have grown more agitated and was now pacing along the aisle, his shoes scuffing nosily on the marble floor. Finally, he placed the Bible down on the pew in front of them and said, "Look, it's not exactly Peter's fault we ended up here, is it? I mean, it's just one of those things that happen from time to time. We're just not…not used to seeing anything like this, are we?"

"B…but surely, it must mean something though – right, Padfoot?" James was anxiously looking about himself, his bloody appearance made him appear even more frightened in the multi-coloured light that came through the stained glass. Sirius growled softly before snapping, "Bloody hell, Prongs, if you keep this up, we'll have to commit you to St. Mungo's…Remus -" Sirius turned to Remus, his face imploring him to agree as he continued, "Can you please explain to James that he's simply taken one too many blows to the head?"

Remus shrugged and pulled the sleeves of his jacket down in attempt to cover his freezing hands as he replied tentatively, "I don't know what to say…I mean…I've never heard of a Godric's Hollow before, but I know it's not unusual for there to be instances where the wizarding world and the Muggle world sort of overlap. But even I have to say it's a little odd for it to be as…obvious as this…" Sirius exhaled deeply, frustrated that Remus had not given the response that he had wanted and, after glowering at him for a moment, he threw his hands up in the air and said, "What are you saying, then? That Peter deliberately set this whole thing up to freak us out…"

"No…I'm not saying that at all…" James sounded tired, yet his voice was tinged with anger and he shifted in his seat beside Remus, almost as if he wanted to stand, but couldn't quite bring himself to do it just yet. "All I'm saying is…well, don't you find it a bit strange? And I'm not just talking about the Griffins and stuff, although that is pretty weird. I mean…doesn't it just feel weird here to you?"

Inwardly, Remus agreed. From the moment he had run into the churchyard, Remus had felt as though his feet were not moving of his own accord, that he was pulled by some invisible force to where James was lying on the ground. Of course, it was preposterous to think that Peter's charm had anything to do with it, but when Remus had rushed over to see James sitting on the ground between two ominous looking tombstones, hand to his nose and blood spilt on the snow around him, he had got the feeling that somehow, something had led them here…something other than the Quaffle.

Sirius gave a short, sharp laugh as he flopped down in the pew in front of them with the words, "Oh, come on! Look, you just took a pretty nasty blow to the head, no wonder you're freaking out. I mean, it's like you said, you knew that there was this Godric's Hollow not far from where you lived, and yet you're surprised that we should end up here? I never took you for a fatalist, Prongs…I thought you hated Divination."

Sirius had expected James to laugh, but it was almost as if he hadn't heard what Sirius had said. James was shaking - not shivering from the cold and the wet, but shaking so violently that Remus automatically put his arm around his shoulder and pulled him close into his side. It was as though James wasn't there, though; it was almost as if James could not feel Remus' arm about him at all. Remus looked to Sirius, who was already moving from his seat to James' other side.

"Come on, Prongs, I was just having a laugh…" James said nothing; his teeth were chattering hard now, and his pupils seemed to have trebled in size.

"James…James, can you hear me?" Remus tightened his hold around James' shoulder, lightly shaking him, yet still James stared fixedly ahead.

"What's wrong with him?" Sirius asked, bending forwards in an attempt to catch James' eye. Remus was watching the last of the colour drain from James' face, feeling the way he continued to tremble between them as he said, "I don't know. James, it's Moony, can you hear me? It's Moony…"

James turned and for a moment he looked at Remus as if he didn't know him; as if he was someone he had never met in his life, rather than someone he had known for five years. James turned to Sirius, and Remus watched as Sirius tried to smile.

"It's Padfoot…it's Sirius…come on, mate, you're scaring us now…" It seemed that those words were what it took for James to stop shaking, and the colour once again seeped into his cheeks as he began breathing more steadily, more slowly. After sitting for a few moments in silence, reassured by the now virtually motionless James beside them, Remus reached into his pocket and handed James the squares of chocolate he kept there, with the words, "Eat this; I promise, it will make you feel better."

Reluctantly James popped the chocolate into his mouth and as he chewed, Sirius slapped him a little too hard on the back and said, "Bloody hell, Prongs, you had us there…what was wrong?" James swallowed and, after looking down at the floor in front of him, he began to speak very quietly. "I don't know, but I started to feel odd, you know? Something about this place makes me feel strange. It's almost as if…" James hesitated, but Remus gave him a quick squeeze and Sirius placed a hand reassuringly on his knee so that, after a few more moments of staring at the floor, James looked up and continued, "I got the strangest feeling that I'm going to come back here…like, sort of…whatever I do I'm going to come back; like I can't escape it."

None of them spoke. James seemed unable to say anything else as he nervously wiped his nose on his sleeve. Sirius was still staring at James' face, his grey eyes wide with concern as he patted James' knee again and again. Remus allowed his arm to slip from James' shoulder and he shifted awkwardly, consumed with a sudden desire to leave this church immediately. It seemed that all it once, it was too quiet. Whereas it had been freezing cold outside, there seemed to be something about all this red and gold that made Remus feel as though it was impossible to breathe. Yet the tension in the church seemed to break as the large, oak door they had come through suddenly opened, sending a blast of cold air rushing up the aisle. Peter stood in the doorway, his broom in hand as he smiled nervously at his three friends.

James stood and, after gazing at the Bible that Sirius had left on the pew in front for a moment, he muttered, "I want to get out of here." Sirius stood up beside him and nodded to Remus, and both of them began to try and help James towards the door. He didn't want their help, and when they offered their arms, he pushed them away. Remus was the last to leave. He wanted to glance behind them, to see the strange sight of emblems of Godric Gryffindor carefully hidden within everything in the church one last time, but as they were leaving, Sirius grabbed his arm, preventing him from turning, and with his free hand, he reached behind Remus and slammed the church door closed.

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Reviews would be very much appreciated. Let me know what you think! xxx


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: Here's to hoping that these updates will start coming thick and fast now! Thank you to all those that are sticking with this. It is going to end up being quite a journey together. We return to the present now for a short while.

Thanks to Meg and Rosie, who somehow make sense of it all!

Disclaimer: You know the drill so don't sue me!

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Maybe it is all just a terrible dream; Remus sometimes thinks this when all that has happened to him, to all of the Marauders, becomes almost too much to believe. Sometimes Remus likes to think that the last fifteen years are just a dream, and in the morning, he will wake in the Gryffindor dormitory and he will already be able to hear the voices of his friends. If only he could seriously believe that, he now thinks to himself as, with a quick flick of his wand, he ignites the lamp on the bedside table. If only Remus Lupin had an imagination great enough to truly believe that Peter had not been the one that had betrayed them all; that all that messy business was just a mistake. If only he could convince himself that Lily and James had not been murdered by Voldemort and that, any minute now, they would walk in through the front door with Harry beside them. If Remus had ever been a successful fantasist then, as he stood in this room, he would be able to not only tell himself, but make himself genuinely believe that Sirius was not dead and that, perhaps in a few moments, he would burst through the door behind him and demand to know what Remus was doing in his room. Yet these feelings are only fancies and, as Remus looks around the room that once belonged to his friend, he knows, perhaps for the first time, that there is no turning back the clock; there is no way to go back. James and Lily and Sirius are lost to him now, and there is no way to change that.

He moves to sit on the bed, stumbling forwards before he feels the ancient mattress sag beneath his weight. There is nothing very personal about this room. It is, in many ways, just like any of the other now deserted bedrooms in Grimmauld Place. Yet somehow, to Remus, it feels so different…it feels like so much more, and as he looks around, he now sees that even though there are no photos, no personal effects, the memory of his friend is in everything. There is a clock on the bedside table that has wound down, its arms frozen in time. It would be just like Sirius to forget to wind it; perhaps the ticking annoyed him? Beside the clock there is a mug, long drained of its contents and it is now that Remus indulges in fantasy, and imagines Sirius taking a sip of tea that has long since gone cold, before vanishing the remains with his wand. The lamp, with its multicoloured glass shade, has not seen a duster for years; and Remus smiles as he pictures Sirius shouting expletives when he finds Kreacher attempting to clean.

This room has no portraits or wall hangings; Sirius stripped them down when he returned with the Order and, despite the dust and cobwebs, the room seems unnaturally sterile in the weak lamplight. An ancient gilt mirror is lopsided on the wall above a dormant fireplace, and Remus eventually finds it within himself to move and straighten it. As he is adjusting its position, his eyes become fixed on the reflection of the room behind him. For in this mirror, he is not alone; over his shoulder, he can clearly see Sirius lounging idly on the bed, the sheets kicked to the floor as he grins mischievously in Remus' direction. Remus swallows hard and blinks, yet the reflection is still there, and though it seems absurd he says, "I…you're dead…"

Sirius laughs; the laughter breaks the stillness of the room and even though it causes Remus to shiver, he cannot tear his eyes from the image in the glass.

"It was a joke, Moony…it was always a joke. Frightened you, did I?" Remus nods; his appearance seems all the more drained and grey in the tarnished mirror. Sirius laughs again and begins to slowly shuffle forwards on the bed; the reflection is moving closer. Remus blinks again and yet Sirius is still sitting there, his eyes now clearly visible in the half-light of the room. Sirius smiles and shrugs flippantly before saying, "Come on, Moony, do you really think I'd go like that?"

Remus smiles and turns, half hopeful, half disbelieving, and the room is empty, just as he knew it would be. Sirius does not sit on the bed before him. He is not there to tell him it was all just some terrible dream or a bad taste joke. There are no photos on the walls. The room Remus Lupin is standing in is empty.

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Reviews make me so happy! xxx


	29. Chapter 29

A/N: Thank you for all your lovely reviews! They actually touched me in a really odd way that maybe only someone who has something they write appreciated can understand. As promised, here is the next chapter (as I do intend to keep the updates up!) Back in the past and the boys return to Hogwarts after the Christmas. But how will what happened over the holidays affect them all?

Thank you to Rosie and Meg who continue to delete my commas!

Disclaimer: Rowling owns them, not me. I merely borrow them for a while.

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There had only been a week to spare between the time Remus had left the Potters and the day he had to return to Hogwarts for the start of the Spring Term. There had been no time for writing and it was only as he packed his things did Remus remember the piece of parchment with Eleanor's address. In truth, he had forgotten all about it; some how, what had happened to the Marauders in Godric's Hollow seemed to be all that Remus had had the time to worry about. They hadn't spoken of it since; and they had returned back to the house to be met by James' parents, and a million questions about what they had been up to; and why there happened to be an empty bottle of Fire whiskey hidden behind the waste paper basket in the attic room. They seemed to all be ignoring it and, if Remus was honest, he was more than happy with the efforts that were being made to forget. James had been right; there had been something eerie about the church and the churchyard. A strange sense of stillness seemed to cover the place, as if being there had disturbed something very important, something which they were not quite ready to know about.

Yet it had been something more than that. It had not just been the strangeness of encountering a place so connected with Godric Gryffindor that had left Remus feeling more than a little unsettled. In the week before his return to Hogwarts, Remus had had the same dream over and over, and every night he would wake shivering with cold, almost as if any sense of warmth had been drained from his soul. Every night he had seen in his mind James sitting on the snowy ground between the large, foreboding tombstones, the snow splattered with blood. James would be clasping his nose, just as he had done when he had fallen, yet when Remus approached James would move his hand and mouth the words _Help me_.

They would not speak of it again. Remus would not tell the others about his dream. James had been shaken enough without Remus worrying him more. In fact, as Remus now pulled his trunk up the grand staircase towards the seventh floor, he felt guilty that he hadn't bothered to write to James and ask him if he was okay.

"Building up those muscles, Moony?" a voice called from above, and as the staircase swung to change Remus saw that Sirius was running towards him. Remus straightened up, dumping the trunk by his side and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand before he said, "Oh you know me; I adore exercise." Sirius raised an eyebrow before nodding in the direction of the trunk. With Remus taking one side and Sirius taking the other they steadily began to climb and Remus was little embarrassed about just how much easier the aid of Sirius made it. Remus was not weak. He was by no means unfit or unhealthy, yet compared to James and Sirius (who seemed to spend every spare moment on the Quidditch pitch) he fell a little short. Of course, physically both Sirius and James were stronger, yet when it came to a dual Remus was quietly confident that it would be maybe a little close to call.

"So how are we Mister Lupin?" Sirius asked, putting the trunk on its side and resting against it as he waited for the staircase to change. "Ready for another exciting term?" Remus took a deep breath as he thought for a moment of what another term at Hogwarts could bring. He shrugged as they moved to lift the case once more with the words, "I'm not looking forward to the amount of work we'll have to do, if that's what you mean. Did you hear what McGonagall was saying before the break?" Sirius scoffed.

"I don't know why you should be worried. You know, and I know, that you'll do fine in your NEWT's. You won't even have to really try…"

"I just think that…well I've been thinking…" They had finally reached the portrait of the Fat Lady and Remus had stopped and was now struggling to steady his breath. "I just don't know what I'm going to do with it all…I mean after."

Sirius blinked and Remus knew what was coming next.

"Why worry about all that now? We've got so much time to think about that…" Remus was about to interrupt; to point out that even though Sirius may not have been worried about what was going to happen after they all finished Hogwarts, but Remus could not stop thinking about it. It would be easier for the other Marauders to find employment; even Peter, who was not the most astute of students, would not have any real trouble finding work. For Remus, on the other hand, it would be virtually impossible. James could work at the Ministry; become an Auror just as he always claimed he wanted to. Yet Remus knew it would be difficult for him to find anyone that would be willing to employ a werewolf. These thoughts were interrupted however when Sirius suddenly turned to him and said, "Have you got the new password yet?"

Remus shook his head and Sirius winced before he glanced hopefully up at The Fat Lady.

"You look different this term," Sirius began every word oozing charm as he leant against the wall and smiled up at the portrait. The Fat Lady, who had been engaged in adjusting her elaborate headdress, suddenly seemed to notice Sirius below and now her eyes were fixed on him. Sirius smiled and Remus watched as his grey eyes travelled the length of her painted body before he said, "Have you lost weight?"

Maybe it was a trick of the light but Remus was almost certain that The Fat Lady blushed.

"Well I…" She giggled and Remus had to try extremely hard to suppress his own laughter. "Well maybe…I think so."

"It definitely shows…" Sirius paused and Remus watched as he leant conspiratorially towards the portrait, his eyes fixed on The Fat Lady's blushing face. Although Remus had seen this sort of behaviour a hundreds time before, it never failed to impress him. It was not as if Sirius made a habit of this sort of thing; usually there was no one he felt was really worth the effort. But occasionally there would be times when he would be bored, or when he felt he needed to impress and then, it would be fair to say, that no-one could flirt like Sirius. It was fascinating to watch sometimes; the little things he would do in order to get his own way; the affect the smallest of gestures could have. Now Sirius was staring intently into The Fat Lady's small, blinking eyes and, in a voice barely above a gruff whisper, he began, "Do you think that you could find it in yourself to give us a break and let us know the password?" The Fat Lady's smile faltered and for a moment Remus thought that maybe Sirius was loosing his touch. Yet Sirius seemed unconcerned as he swayed ever closer to the portrait, his fingertips slowly caressing the frame.

"I know…I know that technically it's not the done thing but couldn't you make an exception this once?" The Fat Lady's smile was returning; was Sirius going to persuade her? It certainly appeared so and Sirius was smiling too now; the kind of smile it was impossible to say no to. "Besides you know us…" Sirius waved his arm in the direction of Remus. "You know Remus, he's a prefect…."

"Don't you dare get me involved Padfoot," Remus muttered under his breath, unable to meet his friend's eyes for fear of laughing and breaking the spell of the flirt. Sirius ignored him and once again turned his attention to the portrait.

"Come on…what harm would it do?" The Fat Lady began to giggle, her podgy hands smoothing down the front of her silk dress as she leant down to Sirius. Sirius stood on tiptoes to hear what was being whispered and, after winking to Remus, he said, "Flippity Gibbet."

The minute they were inside Remus began to laugh, his side of the trunk slipping from his grasp as he wheezed uncontrollably.

"Sometimes you amaze me…" Remus managed, eventually suppressing his laughter long enough to speak. Sirius bowed and, on straightening up, he said, "Like I've said before Moony, you'll never understand what it's like to be so impossibly handsome…"

"Well I suppose you must find it hard," Remus began, his eyes carefully studying Sirius' face, awaiting the reaction to what he was about to say. "I mean, not all of us could attract the particular attentions of The Fat Lady…"

Sirius scowled yet before he could reach for his wand and retaliate with a hex, Professor McGonagall had appeared, and was now preventing Sirius from moving by placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I hope for your sake Mister Black that you were not intending to break the rules already." Her voice, although serene, masked a threat of many a detention and Sirius smiled as he withdrew his hand from his robes. "Of course not Professor; I have every intention of doing Gryffindor proud this term."

McGonagall stepped away, her perceptive eyes moving between the two boys before she replied, "Yes, well, I have no doubt that with the right sort of guidance you have the potential to go far." McGonagall smiled at Remus and Sirius, catching this look, flung his arm around Remus and pulled him tightly into his side.

"Well you know Remus, he's such a sweetie…" Remus tried to wriggle free, yet Sirius only tightened his arm around Remus' waist, making it impossible for him to move. "He never lets us boys put a foot wrong."

McGonagall, slightly confused, nodded before swiftly turning her attention to a group of third year girls who had stopped to chat in the portrait hole, causing chaos outside. The moment she had passed Remus pushed Sirius from him, and he nervously straightened his robes before he said, "You're an idiot sometimes Padfoot." Sirius was laughing and dragging Remus' trunk across the common room; not caring as he knocked into to furniture or the ankles of other Gryffindor students. There seemed little point in reasoning when Sirius was like this and as they reached the bottom of the staircase, which wound its way up to the boy's dormitory, Sirius stopped before saying, "As you said before Moony, we've not got that long left. And I intend to make every day count."

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As always, I love to know what you think; what I'm doing right and wrong etc. Especially on Sirius flirting with the Fat Lady...hehe xxx


	30. Chapter 30

A/N: Once again, a big thank you to those who continue to faithfully review this! It was a slow starter but it makes me so happy that those of you who are reading it are getting as much pleasure out of it as I do writing it. As promised, here is another update as I am still woefully behind updating this in comparison to where I've written up to. The humour of Sirius' flirtations come back to haunt him and things take a slightly ominous turn.

Thanks to Meg and Rosie who keep me on the grammatical straight and narrow.

Disclaimer: Surprisingly the characters belong to Rowling, and I just have fun manipulating them here. Don't sue!

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Peter had tied a sheet about his shoulders to look like a toga and he was now strutting towards James, pouting. James was grinning as he swaggered forwards, his hands resting on his hips as he walked. Remus could almost not see through his tears as he continued to laugh hysterically; every now and again he would pause to look at Sirius' face. Remus could tell that Sirius was trying not to be amused; he was making every effort to exude offence. Yet the humour could not be lost to him, he would not be able to remain serious for long, as Peter suddenly took a deep breath, and began in a scarily high pitch, "Oh Sirius, my darling, I can't keep our love a secret no longer. Tell me that it has all been worth it. Say that you will be mine."

James' cheeks were full with the laughter he was trying so hard to suppress. He shook his head to rid himself of it and, after staring down at the floor for a moment or two, he raised his head and replied in a deep voice, "I'm sorry, sweetheart, but you're just not my type."

Peter raised a hand to his forehead and, leaning back in a mock swoon, his voice reached a whole new level of pitch as he said, "But my love, the promises you made me? How can you just forget all the things we have shared?" Remus clutched the sheet beneath him in an attempt to stop laughing, yet the tears were falling fast now; his stomach ached as he watched James shrug nonchalantly before, turning, he swaggered off to the opposite side of the room. The performance had ended and Remus clapped as James flung himself back on his bed, finally succumbing to the hysterics of the act. Sirius still was not laughing and, after he watched his friends laugh at his expense, he finally scoffed and hurled a pillow at James with the words, "When would I ever call anyone sweetheart?"

James sat up, cleaning his glasses on his jumper, laughter still clinging to his words as he said, "That was artistic license. If you will insist on chatting up The Fat Lady…" Sirius scowled and threw his other cushion at Remus, which he skilfully dodged.

"I wasn't chatting her up; I was just trying to get her to tell us the password…"

"That's what he says now…" Remus couldn't help but add and he was in little doubt that if Sirius had had another cushion to throw, it would have been heading his way. "But you should have seen them together back in the corridor."

James continued to chuckle on the opposite side of the room as he unlocked his trunk and finally beginning to unpack. They had been back for almost an hour and half, and so far the most any of them had achieved was the hanging up of their robes on the peg by the door. Remus was laughing to himself as he unlaced his shoes, replaying the more comical moments of James and Peter's act in his head, before he dumped his shoes down by his bed. There had been no way Sirius was going to get away from this; it had been too impossibly funny to ignore. The hilarity of the situation seemed to have subsided slightly, however, as each of them turned their attention to the task of unpacking. Remus carefully piled the textbooks he had taken home to study on the end of the bed, his attention caught by a square of parchment that had lain buried beneath them. He had barely glanced at it and yet he already knew what it was; he recognised the tiny, cramped handwriting of the hurried address.

"Did you write?" Sirius' voice caused Remus to jump; he hadn't realised he had been staring so intently at the parchment. There was none of the bitterness in the question that Remus had learnt to expect, and he was somewhat confused by the way that Sirius simply carried on stuffing his clothes in the drawers.

"No I forgot…" Remus mumbled, placing the parchment inside his copy of _Bamboozling the Boggart Within_ before he quickly snapped it closed. Sirius shrugged, his eyes fixed determinedly on the last pair of socks he was now attempting to shove in the drawer, and said, "You shouldn't leave it too long. She might loose interest, and then where would you be?"

Remus could say nothing and, after finally managing to push the bursting drawer closed, Sirius flashed him a quick smile before crossing the room to retrieve something from the pockets of his robe. Surely something more was to be said; Sirius had never offered anything in the way of words of friendly encouragement. Yet there had been nothing behind the words as Sirius had spoken them. He had not snapped back with sarcasm or insult. He had asked a simple question without malice, and Remus had been surprised at his calm reaction to the answer. Maybe what James had said over the holidays had really had an affect. Maybe Sirius was beginning to make an effort to understand.

All at once the door to the boy's dormitory flung open and Lily Evans strode purposefully into the room. Sirius, who had returned to his robes to fetch his wand thought fast and, without even a moment's hesitation, performed a quick charm to shrink the neck to the jumper that James was in the process of pulling over his head so that it stuck fast. James panicked and blushed, tugging violently at the jumper that was now refusing to budge. Sirius was laughing hard and Lily, ignoring both of them, walked over to where Remus was sitting and said, "I needed to speak to you. I thought you were going to meet me in the library at four?"

Remus shrugged; this was news to him. Lily, clearly noting that Remus seemed oblivious to the arrangements that he had supposedly agreed to, looked to James who had given up trying to yank the jumper free and was now standing shivering, his hands wrapped round his naked torso.

"Alright Evans?" he said as Sirius continued to laugh. Lily simply rolled her eyes before turning her attention to Remus once more.

"I wrote…I sent an owl this morning, didn't you get it?" Remus shook his head; he had left early that morning and he supposed that his parents would have forwarded any post that he would have received on. Clearly, they had not. Lily sighed and pushing her hair from her face; she seemed to be shifting awkwardly on her feet. This was not the cool, calm Lily Evans they all knew. She seemed somewhat more vulnerable than usual; her shirt had become un-tucked at the back and one grey sock had slipped down to her ankle. Something, it appeared, was very clearly wrong.

"What is it? Was it important?" Remus asked and for a moment Lily looked as if she was going to speak. Yet her lips froze and she flicked her head in the direction of James and Sirius before she said, "I don't want to do this with them here."

"Oh come on Evans," Sirius began, returning to his own bed, his eyes fixed on her. "No secrets amongst friends?"

Lily cast her eye to James, who had once again returned to struggling with his jumper. With an impatient wave of her wand the jumper loosened and with an almighty tug James managed to free himself. Sirius laughed but Lily's face was stern as she said, "It's really important."

"Look Lily," James began, pulling on a crumpled shirt that he had hurriedly retrieved from his case. Remus watched the way Lily crossed her arms across her chest; her head tilted to one side, her face fixed with an appearance of utter disdain. Yet something about these gestures seemed a little too harsh, a little too forced as James continued, "I know you think that Sirius and I can be utter prats…"

"Well I'm glad you finally figured that one out." Across the room, Sirius winced at this scathing remark. Remus half expected James to desist, yet he continued to approach her undeterred.

"And I know you think that a pig-head like me couldn't possibly ever take anything seriously…" She nodded but Remus noted a small smile that had begun to curl her lips. "But I swear whatever you tell us won't go any further than this room." From his bed in the corner, Peter began to nod. James moved his hand to perform the automatic gesture of ruffling his hair, yet he somehow stopped himself and said, "You can trust us."

As he had moved towards her, Lily had moved back; her legs were now pinned against Remus' bed. Remus watched the looks that passed between them and, after a moment of silence, Lily sighed dramatically before sitting on the bed next to Remus with the words, "Oh alright…" James smiled and Lily almost smiled too; a small sort of victory had been won. Yet before James let this smile go to his head Lily seemed to correct herself and, brandishing her wand, she threatened, "But I swear to you Potter, if I find out you've told anyone…"

James raised his hands above his head and Remus noticed for the first time that Sirius had left his own bed, and was now leaning over the end of Remus' to better see what was happening.

"Alright I promise." Lily then turned so her wand was pointed at Sirius and Sirius shrugged and said, "I promise too." Lily pocketed her wand and turned to Remus and, after taking a deep breath, she began tentatively, "It's about Severus…"

Remus automatically looked to James who had started forward at the mention of that name, and was now somewhat restrained by Sirius' hand about his arm. Lily looked round and saw the gesture and she could hardly contain her anger as she stood up to leave.

"I knew this would be a mistake. How can I ever tell you anything with them here?"

"No look, I'm sorry…" James had moved in Lily's direction, yet had come to a halt when she rounded hotly on him and snapped, "This is really serious and if you're just going to be like this than I might as well not bother."

"Don't be like that…"

"This is bigger than any bloody childish rivalry," Lily's face was red; her hair seemed to shake as she struggled to steady her breathing. Her green eyes were fierce yet desperate and Remus saw the way she was trying, so desperately, to remain strong.

"Lily, just tell us," Remus' voice was soft with encouragement. "I promise they'll shut up now…they won't say another word. If it's this important we might be able to help you…or even if you just need to talk…" Lily laughed and yet she was still shaking; her eyes were fixed on James' shoes. When she looked up it was as though she was close to tears and James started forward in a desperate attempt to offer some comfort. Lily raised her hand and he froze and, after taking a deep breath, her voice wavered slightly as she asked, "Have any of you heard of a wizard called Voldemort?"

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How do you think the Marauders will react? Reviews, opinions and second guesses all welcome! Another update coming soon! xxx


	31. Chapter 31

A/N: Thank you to all my wonderful and faithful reviewers. It makes me so happy to know that you are following and enjoing. Most of you have been with me for a very long time! As a reward here is a particularly long chapter were the plot seems to move together. Questions are answered, although more questions are raised. What does the rise of Voldemort mean for the Marauders and Lily as individuals, and for their fate as a group of friends?

Much love and thanks to Meg and Rosie. Without them, this would be a grammatical mess!

Disclaimer: You know I don't own it so please don't sue.

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Remus had done it without realising; whatever it was he had been expecting Lily to say, it was not even close to what she had asked. He hadn't been able to help the way he had started, knocking the neat pile of textbooks onto the floor with an almighty thud. They all turned to look at him and he could feel their eyes upon him still as he made his apologies and sunk to his knees between the beds to gather the books to him. As he stood and placed the books on the bedside table, he tried desperately to avoid the eyes of the one person he knew for certain had heard that name before. He had no idea whether or not Sirius had told James what he had told Remus; he didn't have a clue whether or not Sirius had intended to ever speak again about what had happened to him when he had returned to Grimmauld Place. Yet despite this, Remus was certain that Lily's question could not go unanswered and, after a few minutes of no-one saying anything, Remus took a deep breath and prepared himself to speak.

"He used to be a student here…" Remus' mouth snapped shut as Peter broke the silence. Lily was staring intently at Peter, waiting for him to continue, but Sirius started forward, perhaps forgetting how much his friends knew, as he asked briskly, "How on earth do you know that?"

Peter paled and shrugged, and Lily, perhaps sensing that Sirius was maybe not best suited to asking the questions, took the opportunity to say, "Where did you hear that, Peter?" Peter still did not reply; he seemed to be concentrating on the pattern on his blankets. Remus watched the way the corner of his mouth began to twitch as his mind processed all possible replies. Finally, it seemed he had settled on response, and he managed an unconvincing smile as he stammered, "I just know…I mean…I heard it from somewhere…" Sirius still seemed sceptical, his eyes remained fixed on Peter's face as Remus spoke, trying to protect Peter from Sirius' unpredictable temper.

"I don't understand what this has to do with Snape…" Lily leant against one of the posts of Remus' bed as she looked up at the ceiling of the room. Sirius had forgotten Peter's comment and was now staring at Remus as he said through gritted teeth, "Don't you?"

Lily looked down and Sirius seemed to suddenly realise the connotations of what he had just said and, in an attempt to avoid Lily's questions, he turned his back on them both. He was not quick enough, however; Lily was no fool - she had heard what Sirius had said and now she quickly moved to block Sirius' path to his bed.

"I know you know something, Sirius." Sirius said nothing as he attempted to move her out of his way. Yet Lily stood firm as if her feet were rooted to the floor, and her voice was determined as she demanded, "You have to tell me!"

"I don't have to tell you anything," Sirius snapped, resigning himself to defeat and turning back to sit on Remus' bed.

"But maybe…maybe she has a point…" James began tentatively. Sirius had obviously told him, too. Sirius looked at James; every inch of his face was etched with a warning as he hissed, "Don't you dare take her side over mine."

"It has nothing to do with taking sides!" Lily pulled her hair back and out of her face as she began to walk towards Remus' bed. "This is about something much bigger and darker than anything any of us has ever known before. This isn't just some petty divide between the pure-bloods and the half-bloods and the Muggle-borns…"

"Don't you think I know that?" Sirius barked, looking to be making every effort to remain seated. "You don't have to tell me how serious it is, I already know. It has everything to do with taking sides."

"Well then, help me to understand what's happening with Severus…" Lily's voice had lost some of its fury and she had now crouched down, bringing herself to Sirius' level on the bed. Sirius said nothing; as he swallowed hard, his eyes fixed on Lily's face. No-one moved. Peter been quiet since his initial comment, and James seemed to have frozen in the middle of the room. Remus sat in silence, waiting for Sirius to speak.

"What is happening to Snape?" Lily smiled and patted Sirius' knee: a little gesture of thanks for the trust he was about to show. Lily stood up and crossed the room to sit on James' bed, kicking off her shoes before pulling her knees up under her chin, finally noticing that one of her socks had slid down, and, as she pulled it up, beginning, "It's odd, really…at first, I thought I might have been imagining things…these little remarks he would sort of casually drop into conversation. I'm used to some of the things he says, but all of a sudden it seemed like…" Lily paused and indicated that James should sit, too. "It was almost as if his comments had more meaning, more purpose. He would be more specific in what he would say about power. It almost began to sound like he was making threats."

Remus recalled the incident in the corridor at the beginning of the school year, and once again he heard Snape: '_you should really be more careful in choosing your targets from now on. Those who are powerless do not always remain so.'_ The confrontation had seemed so different to all the ones that had come before. Snape had never been a willing victim, but Remus had never known him to be quite so angry after a run-in with the Marauders. His eyes had grown black with a new kind of hatred; a hatred that was powerful and dangerous. And it seemed that James, too, had been reminded of the incident, as he suddenly said, "He threatened us that time. Do you remember? Back in the autumn term?"

"Are you sure you didn't deserve it?" Lily retorted, quick as a flash. James smiled serenely in response. "No…you're right…" Lily amended, and James looked shocked that she was agreeing with him. "He _has_ been different; disappearing after Potions, not bothering to study with me when I've asked him to." Remus noted the way James tensed with jealously at that but, somehow, managed to remain silent as Lily pressed on, "He disappears off for hours upon end and I can't find him anywhere, no matter how I hard I look…"

"What do you mean, 'disappears'?" Remus asked, intrigued. Lily seemed to be struggling with how best to answer this question as she said, "Well, I don't know. But this is the thing I'm worried about. All these comments and veiled threats, and now him disappearing for hours on end; they can't all be coincidence, can they?"

"The map!" Sirius suddenly cried without thinking, throwing his hands up in the air in inspiration. Sirius was smiling, but it disappeared as he turned and saw Remus staring at him, open-mouthed. The rest of the Marauders were staring, too; how could Sirius just forget that Lily was there and mention the map?

"What map do you mean?" Lily asked, but Sirius ignored her question entirely as he said to Remus, "Don't you remember, before Christmas, what I said about Snape? I couldn't find him anywhere and yet he had been there, on the seventh floor, the whole time?"

Remus could not speak; how was it that Sirius was still talking of the map? But James suddenly seemed to understand what Sirius was saying. "I remember! But I don't get what that has to do with…"

"Lily," Sirius asked, eager and completely oblivious to what he might have revealed about himself and the group, "is there anything on the seventh floor that shouldn't be there? What I mean is, is there anywhere there where Snape would want to go?"

It was then that Remus realised why Sirius had been unable to find Snape on the Marauder's Map, and why it was that he had suddenly reappeared on the seventh floor. He knew, almost before Lily had answered the question, where it was that Snape was going to, and as she said the words, Remus cursed himself for not realising before. The Room of Requirement.

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"But…" Lily was confused, shaking her head as if this would help her to better understand what was being said. "But what would Severus want to do in the Room of Requirement?"

Sirius was shifting excitedly on the bed beside Remus as all the pieces came together. Sirius had lost Snape on the map, and yet he had suddenly reappeared on the seventh floor. It now made perfect sense; Snape had been there on the seventh floor all along, but the Marauder's Map didn't show the Room of Requirement, so he seemed to have disappeared.

"When you first came in, you said…" Sirius paused and for a moment Remus didn't expect him to continue. But whatever doubt he had been suffering under disappeared and, after a few seconds of silence, Sirius continued, "You asked us if we knew anything about Voldemort…" Lily shivered and avoided Sirius' eyes. "But you never said what you knew…"

Sirius, of course, was right; Remus hadn't even thought that for Lily to be asking these questions in the first place, she would have to know something about Voldemort herself. Before Sirius had returned from Grimmauld Place, Remus had never heard that name before, yet now it seemed as if everyone was familiar with this wizard. There had to be some connection between all the things that had been said and were happening; something that connected the Marauders with Lily, Lily with Snape, Sirius with the family that had now disowned him. It could be no accident that all these things had been happening alongside one another; there had to be some reasoning behind it. There had been whispers in the papers and glances in the corridors and now, as they sat together in the dormitory, it very slowly seemed to be making some kind of sense.

"He started mentioning him months ago; a little comment here and there – Severus, I mean. At first it didn't happen very often and I thought that it was just…well…we've seen pure-blood fanatics come and go before, haven't we?" Sirius nodded and Lily continued hesitantly, "But this Voldemort seems different somehow. It's just the way he talks about him; it frightens me. It seems organised, planned, controlled. I don't think this is just a case of being anti-Muggle-born. I know that can be…quite common…" Lily trailed off, the hurt still lingering in her eyes. Remus had witnessed, on more occasions than he cared to remember, malicious Slytherins calling "Mudblood" at Lily as she passed. Of course, Professor Dumbledore had always been hard on anything of that sort at Hogwarts, yet it always seemed to Remus that even though every step was taken to stop that sort of thing, there would always be those who ignored the rules.

Sirius was staring at nothing, his eyes drawn out of the window to the darkening sky outside. It felt as though they had been sitting talking for hours; forgotten were the jokes of earlier. Remus watched Sirius thinking; deciding what to say, how much to reveal. There was no doubt in Remus' mind that Sirius was about to help Lily better understand what was happening to Snape, yet he would find it hard. Although Sirius had been disowned, he was proud and fiercely loyal by nature, and as Sirius watched the black outlines of birds flit against the purple sky in the moments before he spoke, Remus considered how difficult it would be to talk about this.

"I think we need to keep an eye on this from now on…I don't mean just an eye on Snape and other over-enthusiastic Slytherins, I mean on everything." Lily nodded in agreement. Sirius looked at the faces of his friends and suddenly it seemed to Remus that he was not looking at the boy he knew, but on a strange shadow of a man he was perhaps yet to know. His voice had lost all the joking optimism of this morning; the light seemed to have died in his eyes. "We have to start really reading the_ Daily Prophet_; looking out for anything that refers to this Voldemort. And we have to listen out for any conversations that people are having that seem a little odd…"

"Don't you think that the Ministry already have people to do all this, Sirius?" James asked. "Do you really think it should be something that we should be worrying about? Shouldn't we just leave it all to someone else?"

"I think Sirius is right," Remus said, more to his own surprise than that of anyone else. He had not expected to agree and yet what Sirius was saying seemed to make so much sense. They had all recognised what was slowly beginning to happen; the changes that were being made to the world that they were a part of. It affected them, affected all of them, and they had noticed what was going on. James still looked unsure as Remus continued, "Certain things have been happening that we can't ignore. Perhaps there is already some division of the Ministry set up to deal with this Voldemort, but it wouldn't do any harm to try and do our bit here, would it?"

James shrugged, still not persuaded, and Lily took her turn to try and convince him. She turned so she was directly facing him and, without thinking about the animosity that supposedly existed between them, she laid both of her hands on his knees as she said, "James, please understand that I wouldn't have come here…I wouldn't have told you any of this if I wasn't worried about what was happening, if I didn't think it was important. I don't mind telling you, as much as you may use it against me in the future," she added. James smiled. "I don't mind admitting that I'm afraid. And it's not just because I'm Muggle-born and I think it will just affect me personally. I know Severus and I'm telling you now that the man he's turning into is not the person I know. It scares me, James, and if we don't start trying to do something now, it will all get horribly out of hand."

Remus knew that James was convinced - if not by what Lily was saying, by the love he had for her and the desire Remus now knew he felt to protect her from anything that scared her this much. He nodded and Lily thanked him with a smile. James turned to Sirius and Remus and said, "So, what should we do first?"

"I think that we should try and find out what Snape is doing in the Room of Requirement. When we know that, it might give us a better idea of how big this problem is getting." Lily agreed with Remus; nodding, she said, "I could try and find out if you like."

"But wouldn't it be best if we kept a watch on the seventh floor, too? Just to be safe?" James was a little too worried and Lily noticed; her eyes narrowed with suspicion and she said, "Don't think that all this makes you some sort of knight in shining armour…I still think you're vile, Potter." Remus smiled; like James, he did not believe a word Lily had just said.

"I'll see if I can talk to my brother…" Remus thought he had imagined it, yet Sirius was still looking solemnly at them all; it seemed that he, more than any of them, wanted to find out what was going on. Remus' stomach had lurched when Sirius spoke, and now he was tentative as he said, "Are you sure you can do that?"

Sirius laughed shortly and gave an almost predatory smile as he said, "Who would know more about this whole bloody sordid business than that darling little brother of mine?"

Remus nodded and smiled to himself, noticing for the first time just how dark it had become. The fires had yet to be lit, and outside, the ground and air were already freezing. Looking over to Peter's bed, Remus saw that Peter was not there; he must have left some time ago, while they were talking, and Remus hadn't even heard him go. It seemed odd to Remus that a day that had started so light-heartedly should end on such a serious note - it was almost sad to lose the laughter of earlier and to gain this new sense of solemnity. Yet all was not completely lost, it seemed; James could still be relied upon and in the silence that had descended between them, he suddenly turned to Lily and said, "Does this actually mean we're becoming friends now, Evans?"

Lily looked first at James and then Sirius then, after flashing Remus a mischievous grin, she stretched her arms above her head and yawned before saying, "With friends like you lot, who needs enemies?"

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I approached this chapter as a kind of very early and informal pre-cursor of the Order. Lily is finally becoming part of the group without intruding on the Marauders themselves. Anyway, as always, I anxiously wait to see what you think. And, just as a little teaser, the next chapter is...well I think...good. xxx


	32. Chapter 32

A/N: I'm glad that you think I didn't make Lily into a fifth-Marauder. I don't like it in other stories when people do that as I think it seriousely takes something away which I so enjoy about the Marauder dynamic. Anyway, that said, thank you once again for your reviews. They encourage me to keep writing (perhaps at the expense of other work I should be doing...). In this chapter, Remus' dreams continue to haunt him yet could what he wakes up to be much more than a dream?

Thanks again to Meg and Rosie who keep all my spelling and grammar in check.

Disclaimer: Thanks to J.K.Rowling for creating the characters and stories we so love. I did not create them. I merely borrow them for this story. Please don't sue.

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Remus was running and the ground seemed to be slipping from beneath him; the powdery, white snow crunched and crumbled under his feet. He could hear James' voice calling to him like a voice from a dream, and yet there seemed to be an endless amount of obstacles in his path. Great ominous gravestones seemed to appear wherever he chose to run, and yet when he stopped, or slowed to pass them, James' voice grew more desperate with each cry. Remus' heart was pounding, pumping blood to his limbs so he could run faster in order to reach James sooner. Yet the ground was frozen beneath the snow and as he moved to speed up, his feet slipped and gravity brought him crashing to the ground. The snow was everywhere; in his shoes, in his trousers, in his lungs, and as he shook his head to rid his hair of it, snowdrifts seemed to appear in front of his eyes.

"Remus, help me!" James cried again, and Remus could tell that he was closer; closer to where he knew he would find James huddled on the ground. But his heart seemed to have frozen with the snow he had inhaled and all around him the air was swirling with dazzling white as he struggled to his feet and continued to run. Round one more corner he went and he could see - he could just about make out - the shape of James crouching in the snow between the two grey tombstones dripping with ice. Remus tried to approach and yet his feet would not move; they remained stuck firmly in the snowdrift in which he was standing. James turned to face him; and his nose was pouring with blood, and it wouldn't stop; the blood would not stop and it was falling, just as the snow was falling, splattering the ground with crimson droplets. If Remus could move he would be able to help him, butt his limbs were disobedient and it was all he could do to cry out James' name.

The name was lost on the wind, and it was instead James' voice that could once again be heard crying through the snow: "Help me, Remus, help me!"

"James! James, I'm trying…" Remus cried as he saw out of the corner of his eye a figure that had never been present before. A tall, stooping form shrouded in a black cloak seemed to have suddenly appeared from behind one of the sinister-looking angels that stared out into the snow with dead eyes. It was moving towards James. The blood had still not stopped and James was now crying, his voice devastating as he shrieked to Remus, "Oh my god, Remus, he's going to kill me! Help me, Remus, help me!"

Remus thrashed against the snow but still he was rooted to the spot, unable to move to help a friend that so desperately needed him. The figure was reaching inside its cloak; a thin, skeletal hand withdrew a wand and pointed it at James. James' scream made Remus desperate, and he made one final attempt to fling himself forward; to free himself from whatever spell it was that was making it impossible for him to move. It was no use and Remus fell to the snow. As he looked up and yelled to James, he heard the figure whisper the words _Avada Kedavra_; then all around was to be engulfed by a blinding, white light.

* * *

Remus awoke and now the bright, morning light seemed to be blazing down and burning him. It had been a dream, a terrible dream, and as he blinked slowly, shuffling up the bed to shade his eyes, Remus sighed at the thought that if he were to open his eyes fully and crane his neck to look to his left, he would see James, sound asleep, in bed. Once again, Remus closed his eyes and allowed his head to relax back into his pillows, relieved that his nightmare could not touch him now. This dream had haunted him since the day at Godric's Hollow, though never before had the shadowy intruder made an appearance. This was something of a new addition; in the dreams of the past there had been no killing curse. Remus shivered as he once again saw James' bloodied face before him and, after the shudder had past, he reached down and blindly attempted to pull the blankets up under his chin.

The blankets did not move; as something that was lying on Remus' bed seemed to be pinning them in place. Remus stopped fidgeting long enough to hold his breath, hearing for the first time the soft breaths that were coming from beside him. For the first time, perhaps in the whole night, Remus realised that he was not alone – but, frightened that perhaps this feeling was still some trace of his dream, he kept his eyes tightly shut.

Whoever was beside him seemed to be stirring, moving gently as though they were awake but frightened of waking the other sleeper. On the insides of his eyelids Remus could see nothing but orange speckled with grey, yet he could tell that whoever it was that had been asleep was now watching him, their eyes carefully studying his face for signs of sleep.

Remus simply had to breathe and so very cautiously he exhaled, steadily so as not to draw attention to the fact that he was awake. Yet his lips were dry and as Remus moved to wet them he felt the breath returned, by whoever it was that was watching, on his now moist mouth.

There was more cautious shifting and Remus realised for the first time that he had not undressed before going to bed. He was still in uniform, although now his shirt was un-tucked and his trousers had slipped down lower over his waist than he would have liked. But the person lying beside him had had time to remove their clothes and Remus could feel the warmth of their flesh as they moved beneath the blankets.

For the longest of moments there was no movement at all; everything was hushed and silent once more and Remus felt sure that, if he tried hard enough, he could forget that he was not sleeping alone. Yet as the blankets had been twisted, Remus' shirt had un-tucked itself further and he flinched as he suddenly felt the smallest of movements brush against the exposed skin. The movement stopped and Remus thought maybe he had imagined it; his heart was pounding in his ears. Yet a second passed and the movement returned; tentative fingers were tracing patterns on his side.

Remus breathed a little harder than before and yet the fingers did not stop. First one very slowly stroked the sensitive flesh, and then the others joined in the tender exploration. It had to be some dream - butt Remus knew he was awake. The light in the room had been too bright and too real for this to be an extension of his nightmare. And this feeling couldn't be part of a nightmare; this feeling was euphoria; each path that the fingers found left lines of fire. Remus shivered from the heat and fought the urge he suddenly felt to lick his lips again; and all at once he could feel the warm, ragged breaths of the person beside him creep across his neck.

Even though he was fully clothed, Remus had never felt so naked; his skin was covered in goose bumps and every hair seemed to be standing on end. Again came the warmth; first in and then out; inhale, exhale, unsteady and unsure. The palm of the hand had made contact and now Remus could feel it pressed flat against his side. The flesh relented against the touch and the breath came again, much closer and moister than before. Remus could feel the pressure of the body against him; the naked contours of the chest and the bare silhouettes of the stomach, and he could feel for the first time the hair that was tickling his shoulder through his shirt.

It was then he could smell something he had smelt before; his bed no longer simply smelt of his body, his skin, his breath. With this was an overpowering smell of mud and fresh air; of damp earth and autumn and something which, try as he might, Remus could just not place. There was soap and there was sunlight; scrubbed skin and stale breath. These were scents that were familiar and known; these were not figments of his mind. He knew the scent just as he knew the body; just as he knew the rough hand that was caressing his side.

Suddenly, movement from the opposite side of the room caused the hand to be withdrawn. The body moved and shifted away; Remus could no longer feel the warmth against his skin. The mattress beside him shifted as the figure turned from lying facing Remus to lying just as he was; flat on his back, head titled towards the canopy above. The movement across the room stopped and yet the body was frozen; the hand did not return. And only when Remus was absolutely sure that the touch was not returning did he dare to open his eyes and look beside him to see Sirius, whose own eyes were now closed.

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Reviews and opinions are very welcome xxx


	33. Chapter 33

A/N: What lovely reviews! Thank you so much to those of you who are reading this. It makes me so happy to know that you are enjoying it. I know it is getting rather lengthy now and, for those of you who are liking that aspect, then maybe you'll be pleased to know in terms of how much I've actually written I'm up to 106 thousand words now. It is a bit of a commitment to read and to write, so thank you for doing so.

I really enjoyed writing the previous chapter. My beta Meg, who happens to also be my housemate, would tell you that I came out of my room rubbing my hands together and being very proud of myself. She read it and was frustrated at where I left it so I couldn't really leave it long for the next update. What is going to happen next?

A massive thanks, as always, to Meg and Rosie who send all my commas to the grammatical graveyard.

Disclaimer: Same old news, different day. I don't own it, so don't sue me.

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When Remus next opened his eyes he knew that Sirius was awake. He could feel that the covers had been flung back and now they almost covered him completely. There was no warm body by his side and Remus turned his head to see Sirius sitting on the edge of the bed in the process of doing up his shirt, his back to Remus. It was still strangely quiet in the dormitory and Remus wondered whether or not anyone else was there at all. Peeping round the side of Sirius, Remus could see that Peter's bed was empty and had long ago been made and, carefully moving as to not draw Sirius' attention to him, Remus shifted in an attempt to see over to James' bed.

It did not work; he had not been careful enough, and Sirius had felt him move and had turned to look at him. Remus froze; a voice screamed in his ears to avoid those eyes, to fight the blush that was already burning in his cheeks. Sirius had not known that Remus was awake; maybe Remus had dreamt it all? It had seemed so bizarre, so unreal in the early morning brightness; the sound, the touch, the scent had merged and Remus now was unsure whether it had really happened at all. But if it hadn't happened, why was he staring, willing Sirius to say something, yet fearing whatever it was that would be said. Sirius said nothing as he finished buttoning his shirt, raising an eyebrow, confused by the look of embarrassment on Remus' face.

"I…I…" Remus managed to stammer through dry lips, but Sirius shook his head and raised a finger to his lips to silence his friend. Remus stopped talking and watched with fascination as a warm smile spread across Sirius' face, dissolving the unreadable darkness of his features as he pointed across the room. Remus sat up, pushing the pillows back, and looked to where Sirius was pointing. It was then that he understood the need to be quiet. It seemed that James too had not slept alone. He was lying under the blankets; his glasses had been removed but his clothes, like Remus', had not and, lying next to him, neatly tucked against him, was Lily, also fully clothed.

Remus then realised what must have happened; they had all continued to speak for hours of what was to be done about Snape and Regulus and Voldemort. It had grown dark and the fires had been lit and still they had continued. Sirius had confided in Lily about what had happened at Grimmauld Place and what it had meant for him, and Lily, for perhaps the first time since Remus had known her, had looked upon Sirius as if she had only begun to understand him. They had talked well into the night, with James and Lily on one bed and Sirius and Remus on another, and Remus could not recall the point when the conversation had come to an end and they had all gone to bed. They must have just drifted off to sleep one by one, not realising that the conversation was ending, unsure of who was asleep or awake. That would explain why Lily was now lying with James, her back against his chest, his arm around her waist, both unaware of how intimate they appeared.

"I don't think Prongs would ever forgive us if we woke her," Sirius whispered, breaking the silence for the first time as he stood to pull his trousers back on. Remus turned, suddenly remembering the dreamy caress of Sirius' hand against his waist more vividly. Once Sirius had dressed Remus expected him to return to his own bed, but he did not; and instead, he sat back down beside Remus. Remus wriggled uncomfortably up the bed, at a loss for words.

"You don't move much…" Sirius whispered as he pulled on his socks. Remus, confused by the comment, finally found his voice to ask, "What?"

Sirius laughed silently before flopping back against the headboard with the words, "In your sleep. You're a very peaceful sleeper." Remus shrugged and nervously ran his fingers through his hair, feeling for the first time just how messy it was.

"It was odd…" Sirius began, his voice quiet and wistful; his eyes seemed fixed on the sleeping figures of Lily and James. Remus flinched inwardly as Sirius spoke, and for the first time in their friendship he actually felt uncomfortable sitting so closely beside him. "It was odd sleeping with someone else…"

"Sorry," Remus interrupted, automatically apologising, although he was unsure what for. Sirius, too, did not understand this apology and he shrugged, his eyes fixing on Remus' face as he said, "No…it was nice. Sort of comforting…" Now it was Sirius' turn to blush, to turn his eyes from Remus' and suddenly find himself at a loss for words. But Remus understood what Sirius had said, for he had felt it too; the strange, new intimacy of sleeping beside someone; of sharing in their warmth. It had been comforting to feel the pressure of another body beside him, yet Remus' stomach flipped as he once again recalled Sirius' hand on his waist. Had Sirius meant the touch to feel so guilty, hidden beneath the blankets, a hand extended in sleep? Or had he meant it simply as the reassuring gesture of a friend; the sort of gesture that seemed to often pass between them when no-one else could see?

Sirius suddenly moved and stood up and Remus felt the absence of his friend's body beside him as he moved back to his own bed.

"Thanks for letting me sleep, Moony…" Sirius paused and turned back around to face Remus, who was still sitting up fully clothed in bed. Remus shrugged and his voice cleared of all concern as he replied, "Don't worry about it, Padfoot…it's what friends do."

Sirius smiled in response, but this smile wavered as he turned back to crossing the room to his bed. It had been a long night; a night full of strange talks and disturbed dreams, followed by a morning of new intimacy. If it had happened, and Remus was now in more doubt than ever of that being the case, then Sirius seemed to be ignoring it. Whatever the movement had meant, Sirius would not be drawing attention to it, and as Remus watched him pick up a comb from the bedside table and struggle to pass it through his knotted hair, he actually found himself wishing that one of them would say something about it.

There was a movement from James' bed, and Remus watched as Lily wriggled a little against James and then, as if she had suddenly realised where she was sleeping, her eyes fluttered open and she sat up. Her hair fell in great ripples down her back, messy from the hours of sleep; the sunlight from the windows behind her filtered through it, making it appear almost transparent. She was blinking, rubbing her eyes frantically as if to rid herself of the scene before them. Remus said nothing when she looked at him and she turned to Sirius, who gave a teasing wink. Lily turned and looked down at James, who was still asleep beside her; even though she had sat up, his arm was still around her waist, resting in her lap.

Lily groaned and buried her face in her hands and it was this that finally woke James up. He opened his eyes and looked at Lily as if he didn't know her, then, after he reached for his glasses and put them on, he seemed to suddenly remember who it was that was sleeping next to him, and he smiled as he sat up beside her. Lily removed his hand from her lap and, after a moment of silence, she said, "I should go; the girls will be wondering where I've got to."

She didn't even look at James as she stood up, her hands nervously smoothing down the front of her grey skirt, which had creased in her sleep.

"We should meet tomorrow," Remus said and Lily nodded in agreement. She smiled at Remus, but it seemed as though she could not bring herself to look at James as she said her goodbyes and swiftly left the room. James watched her go, his eyes following her right up until she had closed the door, then, once she had left, James lay back on the bed and exhaled deeply.

"Well?" Sirius asked, and James shifted to see that Sirius was smiling. James sighed and said nothing as he lay smiling up at the ceiling. Sirius laughed as he stood up, tossing his head in James' direction and rolling his eyes before he left the room through the bathroom door. For a long time Remus' eyes remained fixed on the bathroom door; from inside he heard the familiar sound of the running water hitting the floor of the shower. Very slowly Remus shifted across the bed, his body taking the space that Sirius had slept in; traces of his warmth still lingered in the mattress. It had meant nothing, he thought to himself, lying back on the bed. Lily, too, had fallen asleep, next to James. And yet…something had happened that Remus could not explain; he hardly knew whether he had dreamt it or whether it was real. Maybe Sirius had not realised what he was doing, or how it had felt to Remus in the blurry, morning sunshine. Maybe he had simply meant it as a familiar gesture, a touch between friends rather than something much more intimate. Remus shook his head to rid his mind of these thoughts yet as he lay, blinking silently at the canopy above, he had never felt so vulnerable, or so horribly aware of how inappropriate what had happened that morning felt.

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Oh the tension...I hope it is as fun for you to read as it is for me to write. Although it's probably more frustrating not knowing where I'm going. Anyway, I love reviews so let me know what I'm doing right and wrong xxx


	34. Chapter 34

A/N: This chapter is in celebration of the DH coverart. It's a love/hate relationship I have with it at the moment; I hate the fact I am trying to decipher every tiny clue on the covers. It's sad to know it's enarly over, but exciting nevertheless. Anyway, thank you so much to my faithful readers and reviewers. I don't have the directions to the grammatical graveyard on me, put I'm sure to let you know where it is. I'm glad that this is still doing the job that I hope it can do. Back to the plot then: tensions continue to build, not only at Hogwarts but in the wizarding world and the Marauders can no longer deny what it could mean for them all.

Much love and thanks to Meg and Rosie who are very patient with my habit of over-writing everything.

Disclaimer: No need to sue, I don't own them. I just borrow them for this story.

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The Great Hall was full to bursting and Remus could not deny that, after the lonely months spent at home during the Christmas holidays, he was pleased to return to the bustle of Hogwarts. He had missed the constant chatter about essays that were due or impending Quidditch matches; he had missed the excitement that always surrounded the next trip to Hogsmeade and when it was going to take place, or whether or not Hufflepuff ever had a real chance of winning the House Cup at the end of the year. It was things like this that reminded Remus just how normal life could be sometimes; that it didn't matter what he was, secretly, underneath it all. At Hogwarts everyone always seemed so equal and Dumbledore went to great lengths to ensure that this was the case (he had, after all, allowed Remus to attend in the first place). Yet despite the happiness Remus felt at having returned to the place he had long thought of as home, he couldn't help but feel that things had changed; that things at Hogwarts would never truly be the way they had been before.

As Remus sat at the table, watching the way Peter helped himself to spoonful upon spoonful of scrambled egg, he could still hear the familiar patterns of conversation; more talk about lessons and potions and what was to be the next purchase from Honeydukes. Yet as Remus found himself listening for traces of something else behind other people's words, he felt saddened by the feeling of mistrust and suspicion that seemed to have entered Hogwarts since the spring term had begun. Ever since Lily had come to the Marauders to voice her concerns about Snape, Remus hadn't been able to stop listening to other people's conversations more intently than he had before. Any mention of the_ Daily Prophet_ seemed questionable; every petty fight between a Slytherin and a Gryffindor seemed to suddenly have a whole new meaning, and it saddened Remus that he now felt like he couldn't trust his classmates.

Sirius had had his eyes fixed on the Slytherin table ever since he had entered and now, as he cradled a steaming cup of hot chocolate in his hands to warm them, he mumbled, as though he was talking to his cup, "I just need to get him on his own, that's all…"

Remus turned and followed Sirius' line of sight to see the back of Regulus, who was seated at the Slytherin table, chatting, completely unaware of the Marauders' interest in him. Remus sighed as he turned and, after evaluating his response silently for a moment, he said, "I thought we agreed that it would be best if we tried the softly softly approach for now?"

Sirius placed his cup down and leant across the table, his eyes fixed on Remus' face as he hissed fiercely, "And have you completely forgotten, Mister Moony, the black eye he gave me?"

Remus said nothing for a moment, watching the way Sirius tightened his fists on the table in front of him. The anger between them seemed to be returning; the gentle words of apology were forgotten now. Ever since the start of term Sirius had grown impatient with Remus, tired of his words of warning and restraint, and Remus could hardly ignore that this sudden change appeared to coincide with an incident that they both were choosing to ignore.

"That was different," Remus said eventually, hearing James, who had been intently studying his copy of the_ Daily Prophet_, take a sharp intake of breath. Sirius gritted his teeth and swallowed hard before he shook his head and replied, "It's the same thing, don't you see? What happened at Grimmauld Place and what is happening here at Hogwarts…it's all part of the same thing. This isn't just something that's happening to the pure-blood families. It's happening to all of us." Remus shook his head. Sirius was about to say something else, but James interrupted them.

"Sirius is right, Moony," James said, folding back the page of the_ Daily Prophet_ and holding out the article for Sirius and Remus to see. "Read this."

Remus looked down to the moving photograph of Cornelius Fudge, whose arms were folded tightly across his chest as he turned impatiently to scold a loitering member of the Ministry who was lurking in the background of the photograph.

"Who's that?" Remus asked, pointing to the figure behind the Minister. James leant forward and peered over the top of his glasses at the man in the photograph.

"Looks like Augustus Rookwood …"

"How do you know that?" Sirius snapped a little too quickly. James pushed his glasses up his nose and said, "He works at the Department. My dad knows him, I think…"

Remus turned his attention from the photograph to the headline: "Top Minister Denies Security Breach at the Department of Mysteries." Remus looked at Sirius, but Sirius was already reading, his eyes swiftly scanning the page. He would apologise for his reprimand later, Remus thought to himself as he too began to read the article.

_Yesterday afternoon a spokesman for the Ministry was finally available to comment on the alleged breach of security that took place at the Department of Mysteries on Thursday evening. Cornelius Fudge issued the following statement on behalf of the Ministry; "The allegations that there has been a severe breach of security at the Department of Mysteries are entirely untrue, and I would like to reassure the members of the wizarding community that there is no cause for alarm. What happened on Thursday evening was simply part of routine security checks introduced some months ago in order to ensure that the Department of Mysteries remains secure in all respects. It had come to our attention at the Ministry that there was a possibility that some unsavoury characters had managed to obtain minor administrative roles within the department. However, after quick detection, these characters were swiftly dealt with by a special task force specifically set up to deal with such incidents. I must reiterate once again, on behalf of the Ministry, that there has been no serious breach of security at the Department of Mysteries; the work that is undertaken there remains shrouded in the appropriate amount of secrecy, the persons in question have been dealt with, and there is absolutely nothing to worry about." The Daily Prophet also managed to obtain the following comment on the situation from oddball Auror Alastor Moody; "It's about bloody time the Ministry woke up to the reality of the situation."_

Remus turned his attention to the photograph of Alastor Moody, which was decidedly smaller than the photograph of Cornelius Fudge, and was shoved in the corner of the page, almost as an afterthought. An extremely surly man had turned to face the camera almost as if he wasn't expecting it and, after glimpsing lens, it seemed that Moody lunged forward as if to snatch the camera from the photographer.

Peter, who had looked up from his plate long enough to see the photograph, laughed, and Sirius shot him a look of absolute disdain as he snatched the newspaper from James and, thrusting it under Peter's nose, said, "You think this is funny, Wormtail?"

James snatched the paper back and quickly folded it, stuffing it under the pile of books next to him on the table. Peter mumbled something under his breath and carried on hurriedly shovelling food into mouth and Remus, the words of the article still running through his head, gazed at Sirius. He seemed to be shaking, not outwardly but inwardly, as though he could hardly contain his emotions. His eyes were fixed on the place where the paper had been and Remus could almost feel the heat of his breath as he struggled to steady his breathing. All at once it was as if no time had passed at all; all at once Remus was reminded of the fumbling touch in the early morning brightness, and when Sirius lifted his eyes from the table and caught Remus' gaze, Remus bit on his bottom lip hard to stop himself from asking the question he longed to have answered.

Sirius did not speak; his grey eyes seemed to be burning down into Remus in an attempt to read his thoughts. Remus willed the image to him; in his mind he set the scene and smelt the scents as he once again felt the shivers of the fiery touch. Sirius was unreadable; his features were set, almost frozen, in place. Remus blinked and the images slipped from his mind; the mist of the memory seemed to have cleared. Yet something about the way Sirius was looking at him made Remus feel almost certain that he knew what he wanted to say, and this perception was presented in the question when he asked, "Is there something you wanted to say, Remus?"

Remus' name said aloud drew James' attention towards them - he had, up until this point, been carefully avoiding the confrontation. Remus rehearsed the questions in his mind, yet each seemed more pathetic than the last and after a moment of silence, Remus leant back on the bench and shrugged his shoulders. In one swift movement Sirius was on his feet, pushing the bench backwards. He didn't stop to say anything else as he grabbed his books and walked swiftly out of the Great Hall. Remus watched him as he went, staring at his back, willing him to turn around and come back.

"What's wrong with him?" Peter asked and James said something that Remus could not hear. He could feel James' eyes upon him; perhaps, somehow, he knew. Yet Remus said nothing as he lifted his cup of hot chocolate to his lips and swallowed the lukewarm liquid hard.

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Please review if you're reading this. Let me know what you like and what you don't. Next chapter coming soon xxx


	35. Chapter 35

A/N: I am deliriously happy today. Not only is it sunny and I have finished all my essays that were due in (which I worked so hard at it made my brain ache!), but I checked my email and found such lovely reviews. Seriously, I know all people that write on here say this, but reviews really do mean alot when you want people to enjoy reading what you've written. So, as some of you might be happy to know, in celebration of me finishing my work, here are two chapters for you all to read and enjoy.

In this chapter Remus goes to the library to think, only to be interrupted by Lily who has something important to tell him.

Thanks to Meg and Rosie. They help me make sure that I don't spell things wrong.

Disclaimer: Despite the constant wonder of how I think I know the characters so well, I have yet to discover I own them.

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Remus wandered aimlessly through the library. Outside, the day was dying fast and the sunlight was struggling to cling on to the clouds that rolled across the sky. Lessons had long since ended; most pupils wound still be at dinner, but for some reason, since breakfast that morning, Remus had been unable to bring himself to eat. He had not followed James and Peter into the Great Hall, instead wandering off to seek solace amongst the books. Remus often found comfort in the library; maybe it was something to do with being so surrounded by knowledge that humbled him, made him feel at peace. As a child he had always found books fascinating; he would devour them, one after the other, always with the knowledge that when one book was finished, another one could be begun. And it was not just the more magical books that Remus had stuck to. He had often opened books he knew were famous amongst Muggles and lost himself in their world and their stories, just as fascinated by these novels as by the massive books on spells and potions his parents had bought him. Sometimes it just seemed so much more interesting to read about the worlds that other people had created rather than the world that he himself was a part of. Sometimes it was this type of escape Remus needed. 

He had never had any real friends until he had come to Hogwarts, and Remus often wondered whether or not this was part of the reason he loved to read. As a child he remembered sitting in their garden at home under the low-hanging branches of a great oak tree, recovering, perhaps, from a particularly violent transformation, and reading. He had known that the worlds that the Muggles created in their stories could never really exist and yet he loved nothing more than believing, just until the story was over, that perhaps, somewhere, they could.

Remus dodged a book that had suddenly decided to dart out from the bookcase and rearrange itself on the shelf. If there were any other pupils in the library, Remus could not see or hear them as he turned out from the row down which he was walking, to the main study section of the library. There was no way that James and Peter would have finished dinner yet and, even if they had, he hardly expected them to turn up in the library unless it was absolutely necessary. Sirius, on the other hand, had not been seen by any of the Marauders since the confrontation at breakfast. He had not turned up to any of the first classes of term and so Remus assumed he was now paying for that with detention. Why did he have to make everything so difficult, Remus thought to himself as he found the book he had been looking for on the shelf and made his way to the desks. It seemed that the uneasy tension between them had returned, and Remus couldn't help but think, as he opened the large leather-bound book and pulled it towards himself, that things were bound to become a lot worse between them before it got better.

Remus had barely begun to read before someone slammed three hefty books down on the desk beside him and, on pulling out the chair and sitting down next to him, Lily said rather breathlessly, "Polyjuice Potion."

Remus, surprised to see Lily looking so flustered and out of breath, closed the book he had been reading and asked, "What? What's wrong, Lily?"

Lily continued to pant as she lifted her hand to her hair and removed the clip that was holding it up, shaking her head and sending waves of red hair flowing over her shoulders.

"That's what Severus is up to. He's making Polyjuice Potion." Lily had managed to recover from her run and she was now calmer and more controlled. Remus shook his head and thought for a moment before saying, "But where would he get the ingredients from? Surely he wouldn't steal…" Remus had meant to finish with "…from Slughorn's store", but he didn't get a chance to as Lily interrupted, "He wouldn't have to. He'd only have to ask for the ingredients and Slughorn would let him help himself. We've done it before, when we've been trying out different potion combinations outside class." Lily paused and Remus thought he saw a blush before she continued, "Slughorn would just give him the ingredients."

"But Slughorn's not an idiot, is he?" Remus began. "I mean, he'd know what Snape was going to make if he asked for Boomslang skin and Lacewing flies, wouldn't he? And even if he does let you try out potions out of class, there's no way he'd let Snape make Polyjuice Potion."

Lily smiled and shook her head. "But he wouldn't have asked for them all at once. Maybe one week he'd ask for one ingredient, and then leave it for a few weeks before asking for the next. Slughorn wouldn't remember, that way…"

Remus realised that Lily was right; Slughorn would not remember what he had given permission to take; he would have no way of knowing what Snape was planning to make. As he thought this, something occurred to him, and he asked, "How do you know that Snape's making Polyjuice Potion?"

Lily hesitated and she pushed her hair away from her face before replying, "He told me. He asked me if I…" She paused and Remus definitely saw her blush before she continued, "He asked me if I wanted to help."

Lily had no need to be embarrassed; Remus already knew that she was probably the only person at Hogwarts that ever really spoke to Snape. As Remus had pointed out to James, they did have a lot in common, and so Remus found it hardly surprising that Snape should ask Lily to help. But Lily, for some reason, appeared uncomfortable and Remus noticed the nervous way she pulled the book Remus had been reading towards herself, in order to look at the title.

"But why would he need to make it?" Remus struggled to understand the connection. "Who would he need to look like?" Lily shrugged and wearily rubbed her face as she replied, "I don't have a clue, but we need to keep watching him. We have a couple of weeks, at least, to work it out. He only told me about the Polyjuice Potion today, so chances are that he has only started to make it…"

"Perhaps that's what he's using the Room of Requirement for?" Remus suddenly said, thinking aloud. "He would need somewhere quiet where he wouldn't be disturbed. Maybe that's where he's making it?"

Lily shrugged, obviously unconvinced by Remus' theory as she said, "Perhaps. Although it's not like Severus has to go out of his way to be alone, is it?" Remus shrugged; Lily, of course, was right.

For a moment there was silence yet Lily was shifting awkwardly in her seat, her nervousness more apparent than ever. Eventually Lily froze and, after staring at the desk in front of her, said in a voice barely above a whisper, "Remus, can I ask you something?"

Remus' eyes were upon her; he was all ears and Lily took her cue from Remus' gentle expression and said, "Has James…" The words failed her and she nervously cleared her throat, continuing, more confidently than before, "Has James said anything to you about the other night?" Remus was finding it hard to suppress his smile as Lily hurriedly pressed on, "What I mean is, he hasn't been making a big deal out of the fact I fell asleep on his bed, has he?"

Remus smiled to himself and shook his head. Lily breathed a sigh of relief; the agitation that had been clearly written on her face vanished as she leant back, more relaxed, in her chair. Remus thought of the way Lily had left on that morning, so obviously embarrassed about where she had slept. Yet there had been something about the sight of them sleeping on the bed together that seemed to somehow fit. With her back against his chest and his arm about her waist it had appeared that their bodies somehow slotted together perfectly, and that nothing would have been more natural than if Lily had woken up and remained lying beside him.

It was then that Remus remembered the hand against his side, the heat of the memory fiercely intruding on his mind as he struggled to convince himself to forget it. Lily, however, was watching him; she noticed the desperate struggle clearly written in his features, and the way his eyes seemed to lose the hope of before. As Remus pushed the feeling to the back of his mind, he found himself doubting once again whether it had truly happened; wondering whether or not it had just been the confused remnants of a dream. Yet it had seemed so real and honest and no matter how hard Remus tried, he couldn't help but think of the fragile intimacy of that moment every time Sirius chose to ignore him.

"Is everything alright?" Lily's voice broke the pattern of thought in his mind, and as Remus turned to face her inquisitive green eyes, he contemplated telling her everything. For the briefest of moments Remus felt compelled to tell her of the bitterness that seemed to be growing between himself and Sirius, and how they now they hardly ever agreed on anything. He wanted to explain his feelings for Eleanor and the way they confused him, or the horrible, swimming guilt he would feel in telling the Marauders anything about her. He wanted to express his fear of what was happening, of how things seemed to be changing too fast to control. He felt like telling Lily about what had happened at Godric's Hollow and the dreams that had haunted him since then. He wanted to ask Lily why she thought he and Sirius were unable to get along. Yet despite the desire to speak, Remus managed to stay silent and, after shrugging and opening his book once more, he said in a small voice, "To tell you the truth, Lily, I don't really know."

Lily nodded as though this answer was all she had expected, pulling a book towards herself, and they both continued to read in silence.

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Oh the frustration, the hormones, the intrigue! You know what to do to let me know what you think xxx 


	36. Chapter 36

A/N: As you might know, I am much further ahead in my writing of this than the updates show on here. In fact, it's really odd how real time keeps converging with what I write as I have just written chapters that take place in the Easter holidays. Very, very odd. Anyway, I am excited as this is one of my favourite chapters that I've written so far and so I really hope you all like it. A heartfelt conversation out on Gryffindor Tower.

Although it makes me sad when the tell me off for splitting infinitives, this story wouldn't make sense without Meg and Rosie.

Disclaimer: I know them well but, alas, I don't own them.

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The daylight had long since slipped into twilight; twilight had somehow slipped into darkness, and as Remus quietly entered the dormitory, he struggled to see his way across the room to his bed. He had sat in the library with Lily for a while, not talking about anything after their initial conversation, each of them more than happy to just get on and read. His mind, at least, was not on the book in front of him. He could no longer take in the words he read and as he went through the motions of turning the pages, Remus' mind wandered through what had happened since he had returned to Hogwarts. It had been a promising start to the year; they had all joked and they had laughed, although now this laughter had been forgotten, and something much too dark for Remus' liking had taken its place. Lily had been scared when she had come to them - scared of what Snape was up to and what it could mean for them all. It had come as a surprise to hear the name 'Voldemort' being spoken again. In all honesty, Remus hadn't really thought about what had happened to Sirius at Grimmauld Place since all those months ago and yet now, as he placed the books he had borrowed from the library down on his bed, Remus felt as though maybe he should have.

He hadn't really been thinking when Sirius had returned. They had parted on bad terms and Remus had half-expected Sirius to still not be speaking to him when he came back. Yet what had happened between Sirius and Eleanor during the Quidditch match had somehow been forgotten; Sirius, apparently, either didn't remember or simply didn't care about it anymore. What had happened at Grimmauld Place had changed him, of that Remus could be certain; and now it seemed that what Lily had said to them seemed to be changing them all once more.

Remus sat on the bed and peered round in the darkness of the dormitory. It appeared that James and Peter had not yet returned; perhaps they had left the Great Hall after dinner and were now in the process of trying to find Sirius? Remus leant across and pulled open a drawer, reaching inside to find the Marauder's Map missing. If James and Peter had it, they would have found Sirius by now, which meant that Sirius must have it still.

It seemed colder than usual, and the fires hadn't been lit; Remus found himself shivering as a draft slowly seeped across the room. After pulling the robes he had hung up on the peg back on, Remus began to look around the room to find where the draft was coming from; his attention was caught by a gentle tap-tap coming from the opposite side of the room. It was then that Remus noticed one of the windows had not been shut properly; the catch had caught in the lock and now the wind from outside was gently swinging the window back and forth, knocking it against the latch.

Without a second thought Remus opened the window wide and began to shuffle carefully out onto the ledge. For the first time in many months there appeared to be no frost and Remus was grateful for the lack of ice as he cautiously shimmied along the ledge. He turned and, reaching upwards, found a solid place to cling on to as he clambered still higher on the outside of the tower. _Whatever you do_, Remus thought to himself, the wind whipping up the bottom of his robes, _don't look down_. Eventually Remus caught sight of his destination; a little way off to his right he saw a shadowy silhouette drawn against the navy sky and, after a moment or two of struggling to maintain his footing, Remus pulled himself level and carefully sat down beside Sirius.

"I saw you coming," Sirius said and Remus noticed for the first time the Marauder's Map spread carefully across his knees. Remus shrugged and Sirius, after peering down at the map for a while, asked, "How did you know where I was?"

Remus tucked his knees up to his chest and pulled his robes tightly around himself as he said, "You left the window open." Sirius nodded and, after pressing his wand to the parchment and muttering "Mischief Managed", he folded the map and put it in the pocket of his robes.

"And besides," Remus continued, stuffing his hands into his pockets to spare them from the cold, "where else would you be?"

Sirius said nothing as he turned his attention to the sky above; navy had now given way to inky blackness and on the horizon Remus could just about make out the dully twinkling shapes of the stars.

"Sirius…" Remus said, his breath freezing on the air as he spoke. Sirius didn't even twitch at the sound of his own name. Remus turned to face his friend, whose grey eyes were studying the horizon as though he were waiting for something. Remus felt a sad smile turning the corners of his lips as he repeated his friend's name. "Sirius…"

This time Sirius could not ignore him and he turned to face Remus, who suddenly, despite the confusion of the past few weeks, seemed to see things more clearly than ever before.

"Sirius, what's happening to us?" Sirius stared fixedly at Remus, his eyes seeming fathomless all of a sudden; he remained silent and shrugged. Remus nodded, expecting no more of an answer to come, and so he was surprised to hear, as he looked down to the tiles of the turret, Sirius say, "I don't know."

Remus quickly looked up and saw that Sirius' eyes were still on him, his face now illuminated by the strengthening light of the moon. Around them the air was freezing and Sirius looked down all of a sudden, examining his palms, turning his hands first one way and then the other before he said, "I don't understand."

Sirius seemed to shiver and Remus shuffled a little closer in order to comfort him with his own heat. Sirius suddenly laughed, a sharp bark of laughter that pierced the peaceful night that had descended and made Remus' stomach turn. Sirius shook his head and looked down at his feet, his hair falling in front of his eyes before he quickly tossed his head back and groaned to the sky.

"I used to think…" Remus began slowly. Every word seemed to be intruding on the insanity of the moment, but Sirius had stopped groaning and so Remus continued, "I used to think about what would happen to us all after here." Remus was sure Sirius rolled his eyes, but he pressed on before his friend had a chance to complain. "I used to imagine where we'd go and what we'd do and how we'd make our way in life. Despite how…difficult things might be for me after, I always somehow knew that it would be okay as long as…" Remus paused and swallowed hard, embarrassed about what he was going to say. "…as long as we all just stayed the same." Sirius gave a little snort of laughter and shook his head.

"But now it's like I can't see that future the way I used to imagine it. I try to and picture the things I could see before and I just can't do it." Remus looked up and saw the waxing moon cut like a sickle against the frosty sky, and he shuddered at it before looking back down. "Things are changing; things we can't control. And I'm not necessarily just talking about all this stuff to do with Voldemort…" Something about saying that name aloud made Remus hesitate. "We're changing; we're all changing as people, I mean - well…at least, I feel like _I_ am. Things that I used to care so much about seem to feel like nothing at all. And things I never used to think of seem to mean so much, do you understand?"

Remus looked to Sirius, who had not said anything since Remus had begun to speak. Maybe it was something about the weak moonlight, or maybe it was something about the way his dark hair was framing his face, but all of a sudden Sirius appeared so much older than a boy of seventeen. His eyes seemed sunken in darkness, his brow lined with age, and, as he moved to speak, his cheeks appeared sallow and lifeless, like those of a man who hasn't lived much of a life at all.

"I don't understand any of this, however hard I try. I mean, don't get me wrong, Moony…" Sirius' voice seemed suddenly a whole lot louder; "…It's not that I don't understand what's happening with my family and Voldemort. In fact, I understand that better than I would like." He grimaced in the darkness before continuing impatiently, "What I don't understand…what I don't get is why this should be happening now; why it should be happening to us…I know, I know that you're going to say that this is something that is affecting everyone, and I know that, but then…" Sirius hesitated and his voice seemed to soften as he ended, "…but then why does it feel like it's just happening to us?"

Remus shrugged, unable to answer Sirius' question; unable to understand himself. Sirius exhaled loudly and buried his head in his hands, his fingers dragging his hair back painfully from his face before he began hurriedly, "I may not understand why this is happening but I do know that I will do anything to stop it. I won't let whatever's happening pull everything apart."

Remus reached out and placed his hand on Sirius' shoulder and at once Sirius' eyes were on him once more. Remus smiled and nodded firmly, his voice full of determination as he said, "I know you won't. And neither will I."

Sirius nodded and Remus allowed his hand to fall and return to its place in his lap. Remus turned to the black expanse above him; his eyes well practised at avoiding the moon, sought the stars instead. He read the familiar patterns within them, recalling hours spent drawing up charts for their Astronomy lessons. He could automatically separate the planets from the stars and as his eyes scoured the skyline he found Mars hanging low in the sky.

"Where are you, then?" Remus asked, his voice breaking the silence. Sirius rolled his eyes and, after gazing up at the sky for a few moments, he pointed. Remus followed Sirius' finger to a constellation just south of the moon. Remus smiled and Sirius, after staring at the sky for a moment in silence, eventually grumbled under his breath, "Bloody stupid name if you ask me."

Remus tutted gently and shook his head. Sirius looked down from the sky and laughed to himself, and for a moment Remus could almost forget the uncertainty of all that had happened before. He could almost ignore the way his behind had frozen from sitting in one position for so long, or the way that all around them the tiles to the turret were becoming dusted with frost. As Sirius laughed gently to himself, rubbing the palms of his hands on his thighs to restore some warmth, Remus could almost forget the painful words that had passed between them.

"I don't know what's worse," Sirius said finally, the laughter subsiding as he turned his attention to Remus once more. His face appeared cold and hard in the wintry moonlight, and the age that Remus had read in his features before had returned. "A man with no future or a man with no past."

Remus said nothing in response and Sirius, after reflecting on what he had just said, shifted awkwardly before saying, "Sometimes I think that I don't really have a past, what with my family being - well…what they are." He spat this venomously and Remus waited patiently for him to continue. "I don't really feel I have anything to look back on and think 'Yep, well done there'."

"Is that what a past is, then?" Remus asked and Sirius scowled at him before snapping, "Oh, I don't know..." Remus nodded to placate him and Sirius sighed heavily and looked down at his feet. Remus watched his face intently, reading the vulnerability that he was hiding behind petulance. Eventually Sirius sighed dramatically and laughed softly to himself; then he shrugged this laughter off before saying, "It's like you said, Moony; it somehow doesn't feel as if the future matters anymore. That somehow it's not going to be the same. And I just can't help but think that that star there…" Sirius pointed once more to the constellation. "That star will be here long after I've gone, long after any of us has gone. That star has a future whereas I…"

Sirius' words failed him and his bottom lip seemed to tremble somewhat as he looked down at his feet and began to shake his head. Remus inched closer; every instinct was telling him to comfort his friend, yet something seemed to be holding him back from placing a hand on his knee.

"I sometimes feel as if I'm a man with no future," Sirius whispered to his feet before looking up to Remus once again. His grey eyes were earnest and seemed full of fear, the light of the moon making them clear and wide as he said, "Isn't that odd?"

"I don't understand why you'd think that," Remus said, desperately trying to reassure Sirius, to make the pain drain from his face. "You're here now, aren't you? You're here, sitting beside me." Sirius nodded, unconvinced. "How could you think you're a man with no future? You, more than any of us, have the passion to grab life and make it whatever you want it to be. I don't know why you would doubt it at all…"

Sirius had begun to laugh as Remus had spoken, and Remus now stopped talking altogether. He was annoyed that Sirius had not been taking his words seriously; he had wholeheartedly meant every word he had just said. Yet as Sirius' laughter continued, Remus became aware that Sirius was not laughing at Remus; he was not even laughing at what he had said. His laughter was devoid of all humour, his face devoid of all smiles, and as he lifted his eyes to face Remus once more, the anger he had felt now disappeared.

"If _you_ doubt, Moony," Sirius began and Remus understood, beginning to slowly shake his head. Sirius snorted and rubbed his forehead. "If you doubt, Moony, then what hope is there for the rest of us?"

Remus said nothing for a moment; it was true that he was, out of all the Marauders, the one who always seemed so certain of things. Yet he was doubting now - and this doubt seemed to be contagious, he thought as he watched Sirius yawn quietly to himself. Finally Remus shook his head in attempt to clear his mind of uncertainty and said gently, "All I know, Sirius, is that this isn't something that we can handle on our own. It's going to take all of us, working together, to fight it."

"I know," Sirius said.

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I hope you liked that one. Let me know if you did. I promise another update soon xxx


	37. Chapter 37

A/N: Despite having two betas and extensively checking it myself, typos still manage to slip through the net somehow. I apologise. Thank you for all my faithful reviews. I'm so glad that the last chapter was enjoyed and, as promised, I keeping on top of my rapid updates. In this chapter we return to everyone's favourite game, Quidditch. Enjoy!

Thank you to Meg and Rosie.

Disclaimer: I merely borrow the characters and make them do what I want them to do. No need to sue!

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James had nearly fallen off his broomstick in his attempt to catch the Snitch. It had been skimming just a little way above the ground and James had spent about ten minutes flying towards it, his knees pulled right in against his chest so they didn't knock along the ground and slow him down. But as he had taken one hand off his broomstick and stretched in front of himself to catch the fluttering ball, he had misjudged the distance he still had to fly and, after grasping desperately at mid-air, he had nearly fallen off his broom altogether.

"Look's like Potter's made an error of judgement, giving Benedict Stephens the chance to close the gap." Remus watched as the Hufflepuff Seeker stared intently at James' back, twisting his broom to the left in a desperate effort to overtake. Beside him, Remus felt Lily tense as they watched James suddenly pull up, flying upwards instead of close to the ground.

"What's he doing?" Peter said, amazed, his astonishment mirrored in the gasps of every Gryffindor spectator in the stands. Remus suppressed the urge to stand and better see what was going on, and he heard a fourth-year boy beside him say, "Potter must have gone mad!"

"Potter seems to have pulled up and is now making his way to the opposite end of the stand. Stephens is making the most of this opportunity and is really picking up the pace now." The horn sounded and Remus turned just in time to see Sirius being congratulated by Althrop and Frost, the other Gryffindor Chasers. The stands erupted into hoots of excitement. "Another ten points to Gryffindor! The Gryffindor Chasers seem to be doing most of the work. Frost has definitely been practicing his interception this term. With the score standing at fifty-forty to Hufflepuff, can Potter actually afford such a reckless change in direction?"

"Come on, James!" Peter squealed and Lily laughed, rolling her eyes at Remus before turning her attention once again to the game. The commentator had a point; and Remus watched, astounded that James should be throwing the game away. He seemed to be ignoring the position of the Snitch altogether as he continued to loop his way through the stands. Over the squeals of excitement, Remus could hear Sirius yell something to James, which he seemed to ignore, and then Sirius pulled his broomstick into a swift dive, narrowly avoiding a Bludger to the head.

"Hufflepuff take possession. Willowell has the Quaffle and is looking to make a pass to Simpkins…Oof!" Willowell had suddenly slumped over his broomstick, clutching his side, howling in pain as he let the Quaffle slip through his hands. "A nasty blow taken there. The Gryffindor Beaters seem to be on form this afternoon, now if only Black can…" Sirius had flown low and caught the falling Quaffle and, whipping his broomstick round to avoid a clash with Stephanie Simpkins, he threw it to Anthony Althrop, who was already flying rapidly up the pitch.

Remus looked for James and could just about make him out, a blurry image of red and gold against the overcast, grey sky. Peter was on his feet, unable to contain himself any longer, stamping furiously as he yelled at the sky, "James, what are you doing?"

Remus winced at Peter's words, but Lily leant across and said in Remus' ear, "What's he doing? When have you ever known him to play like…"

"What a spectacular move by Potter!" The excitement in the commentator's - Crispin Thompson's, Remus vaguely recalled - voice automatically drew everyone's attention to the figure of James, who now appeared to be plummeting at full speed towards the Snitch. The air seemed to explode with excitement and every Gryffindor was on their feet, including Remus and Lily. Benedict Stephens, the Hufflepuff Seeker, glanced nervously over his shoulder as James continued to approach from above.

"Stephens is really in trouble now as Potter descends…looks like he's going to try to overtake from above…" As the commentator said this, James pulled up suddenly, confusing Stephens enough with his hesitation for the other boy to slow down. James then took this opportunity and overtook, bringing his broomstick level with Stephens', completely blocking his path to the Snitch. James was stretching out once more, only this time his broomstick was gripped tightly between his knees to stop him from toppling over. Lily grabbed Remus' arm as she watched; Peter's wide, watery eyes were fixed on his friend, and Remus, too, could no longer hide his excitement as James swiped forward and caught the Snitch.

"James Potter has caught the Snitch! Gryffindor win!" Crispin Thompson exclaimed, his voice barely audible above the shrieks of the Gryffindors. James had alighted and Sirius flew to meet him, grabbing him briskly and triumphantly ruffling his hair. James laughed and struggled to straighten his glasses, and the excitement of the victory was still palpable as Peter, Remus and Lily ran to greet the other Marauders. Sirius was laughing, wiping the sweat and mud from his forehead on the sleeve of his Quidditch shirt and James, who still held the helpless Snitch in one hand, was out of breath as he approached.

"You had us all going, James!" Peter stammered excitedly, bobbing up and down, his eyes moving swiftly between Sirius and James. "What on earth were you doing?"

Before James had a chance to answer, Lily had flung her arms about his neck and was hugging him hard. Peter stopped bobbing and looked away, blushing. Sirius winked at Remus and Remus smiled down at his feet, waiting for the embrace to end.

"You were great! Really, really…" Lily said and James seemed to be spluttering, at a loss for words, over Lily's shoulder. Suddenly Lily pulled back, aware of not only what she was doing but of the fact that the other Marauders were watching and, after pulling away and smoothing down her hair, she said with a forced air of disgust, "Well, for a brainless, sweaty Seeker, I mean." Her face had turned nearly as red as James' and Sirius raised an eyebrow before saying sardonically, "Nice save, Evans."

Lily hissed and withdrew her wand, but Remus reached forward and lowered her arm with the words, "Come on, Lily." Lily scowled as she pocketed her wand and Sirius couldn't stop himself from laughing.

"Good game, Potter," a voice behind them said, and on turning, Remus was shocked to see Eleanor standing there. Remus had not seen her since that day in the carriage aboard the Hogwarts Express before Christmas, the day when Eleanor had given him her address and expected him to write. He hadn't written, or really even thought of her since; something about the way Sirius had interrupted them and what had happened since then had made him forget. Yet now as he looked at her standing under the fluttering fabric of the stands, Remus was automatically reminded of how he had felt on the train with her hand in his.

"Thanks, Figg," James said, breaking the awkward silence that had descended. He grinned as he placed his hands on his hips and, puffing out his chest, he said, "Give you something to think about does it?"

Eleanor looked at Lily and a smile seemed to pass between them before she said, "Something like that." Sirius was silent, staring down at his feet as he scuffed sulkily at the mud below. Peter was shifting nervously on his feet and James was looking desperately from Remus to Eleanor. Finally, after this had continued for several minutes, it was Eleanor who broke the silence, taking a step towards Remus and saying, "Can I have a word with you?"

Desperately Remus thought of ways to avoid this; a million and one excuses ran through his head, but Eleanor was growing embarrassed by the silence and Remus couldn't help but nod.

"We'll go up to the castle for lunch," Lily said, her voice indicating that maybe she understood more than Remus would have liked her to, as she began to pull James and Peter away. Remus nodded and Lily smiled as if to reassure him, and it was James' turn to nod and say, "Come join us when you're done."

As he watched them walk away, Remus' eyes were fixed on Sirius' back, uncertain of whether Sirius would hesitate or not. He did not; instead, he followed the rest of the group dutifully up the path towards the castle. Remus was alone with Eleanor and after a moment of saying nothing to each other, Eleanor eventually said, "Shall we go for a walk by the lake?" Remus nodded yet something made him hesitate before, stuffing his hands in his pockets, he followed Eleanor down to the banks of the water.

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What's going to happen next? Opinions, guesses and reviews always welcome. Expect another update in the next few days xxx


	38. Chapter 38

A/N: Eighty reviews so far! Thank you to all those who have reviewed for their opinions, praise and constructive criticism. As I have said in the past, it really does make writing this all the more enjoyable. I think I'll let the next chapter speak for itself; no blurb is required.

Thank you to Meg and Rosie.

Disclaimer: I think if I owned these I'd be J.K. Rowling. I am not, so I don't. No need to sue.

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Remus watched as she paced up and down, the heels of her shoes occasionally slipping and sticking in the sludge and the mud; yet still she continued to walk. Remus would have felt less nervous if she would come to join him, sit beside him on the log that was fashioned as a bench so that they could talk properly about whatever she had to say. Yet she seemed to almost be ignoring him now as she muttered incoherently to herself and shook her head so her blonde hair rippled in front of her face, and Remus had a horrible feeling that at any moment she would stop walking altogether and turn to hex him.

Eleanor did stop and turn to face him, and he flinched, frightened for a moment that his paranoid thoughts would be realised. Yet she did not reach inside her robes to pull out her wand; and instead, Eleanor flung her arms wide either side of her as she began fervently, "I think I know by now that you don't really like me…" Remus gawped like a fish, unable to interrupt and say that she was wrong. "I mean, I think you've made it pretty obvious by now, don't you? You hardly talk to me when I come to you, let alone look at me. You didn't write. You're obviously embarrassed to speak to me in front of your friends…"

"Eleanor, wait…" Remus began, suddenly finding his voice; but she either didn't hear him or was ignoring him as she continued to articulate venomously, "I've seen the way they all look at me when I at least make an effort; I'm not welcome, I get it. They don't want me speaking to you. Potter's alright, just your usual arrogant twit…"

"Wait, let me explain…"

"And Peter never really says anything to anyone. But Black…" She spat Sirius' last name as if it were poison. Remus had risen to his feet and was now in two minds about whether to approach her or not. Eleanor was pacing more rapidly now, ignoring the slight drizzle that had begun to fall. Her cheeks were flushed crimson and her eyes were wild as she continued, more passionately than before, "I've seen the way he looks at me and I know what he's thinking. He thinks I'm not fit to breathe the same air as him just because I'm half-born…"

"No!" Remus suddenly interrupted, unwilling to let Eleanor get away with a comment that was so obviously untrue. Eleanor stopped and turned to face Remus; the wind was whipping her hair into her face. "Sirius would never think like that, not about anyone…"

"He's a Black, though, isn't he? Why should anyone expect him to think anything less? I mean, his family are well-known for their views."

Remus shook his head and struggled to suppress his own temper.

"They may be like that, but he's not…he'd never be like them…" Remus paused, the slow, burning fury smouldering gently behind his words as he added, "And if you knew anything about him, or any of my friends, then you wouldn't have said that."

Eleanor looked hurt all of a sudden; her face seemed to lose some of its heat. She took a step towards Remus, frustrated, pulling her hair out of her eyes. She stopped all of a sudden, swaying as if uncertain of whether she should approach. For a moment Remus thought that the argument was over, yet Eleanor had no intention of letting it end here, and she bit down on her bottom lip before asking, "Well, if it's not because of that, then what is it?"

Remus could say nothing in response; although she had begun in the wrong way, Remus knew that everything that what Eleanor was saying had some element of truth. He had tried to ignore her existence when he was with the other Marauders. He had been frightened of what they would say and do and think. Then suddenly he heard James' words from New Year echo in the back of his mind: _you're too bloody scared to let anyone near you in case they'll hate you. You're so worried about what people think that you'll never let yourself have anything you want_. Those words had rung just as true then as they did now, standing with Eleanor before him. What was it that he was so scared of? What was it that was holding Remus back?

"If you just don't like me, Remus…" Eleanor appeared to have calmed; her words had lost the fury of before and she was walking, very slowly, towards where Remus was standing. She blushed as she suddenly became aware of the connotations of what she had just said, and she hurriedly added, "I mean, if you don't want to be friends, just tell me instead of making every time I try to talk to you such an ordeal."

"No, it's not that I don't want…" Remus paused and laughed, shaking his head at the ground. _I don't even know what I want,_ he thought to himself, unable to continue the point he had been about to make. He became aware for the first time since they had arrived here of the gentle lapping of the water against the bank. The drizzle that had started to fall earlier had stopped, yet a murky kind of mist still lingered on the air. Eleanor's hair had become frizzy with the damp and she now appeared so much wilder looking than she had when she had greeted him by the Quidditch pitch. She was waiting patiently for him to continue and eventually, after indulging in the silence of the moment for a little bit longer, he continued, "I don't want you to think that the way they are has anything to do with you, because it doesn't."

Remus stopped talking and smiled to himself. What he was saying wasn't really making sense, and he could hardly expect Eleanor to understand what he didn't understand himself. Eleanor had gradually closed the distance between them and now she was standing directly in front of Remus, her eyes fixed intently on his face.

"What is it, then? Is it me? Do I…" Eleanor stopped; a deep blush spread across her face as she dug her heels firmly down into the mud.

"Do you what?" Remus asked gently. Eleanor shook her head as if she wasn't going to answer, yet after a few moments more of looking down at the muddy earth beneath her feet, she suddenly looked up and snapped, "Do I make it too obvious? Am I too strong?"

Remus gulped.

"Well…I…" Remus was at a loss for words, afraid and unsure of what Eleanor was really asking. She seemed so embarrassed as she stood before him, her fingers nervously pushing back her hair. This was stupid, Remus told himself; why should this be so hard? Eleanor was annoyed. She was making it pretty clear, even to someone as modest as Remus, how she felt, and yet still he found it impossible to give in to what he wanted.

"This is useless," Eleanor said, moving towards the bench and grabbing the cloak she had discarded there, flinging it over her shoulders and fastening it about her neck. "I'll just go then."

"No, please, Eleanor - wait." Remus moved in front of her, blocking her path to prevent her from leaving. "Look, this is stupid. I'm sorry that I seem to turn into such a cretin whenever you try and talk to me when I'm with them. I'm sorry that I didn't write to you over Christmas. I meant to, I thought I would, but I just forgot." Remus surprised himself with his words, but still he continued. "It's really got nothing to do with you, honestly. I like you…" The words seemed so easy to say considering the amount of time he had spent contemplating them to himself. He hadn't hesitated, he hadn't even really thought before he had started to speak, and now it seemed almost like he couldn't stop. "I mean, I do really like you, I'm just such an idiot sometimes. I'm not good with things like this, do you understand?"

Eleanor laughed and shrugged.

"No, not really." Remus managed a weak smile before, kicking the bark at his feet, he said, "No, me neither."

"Remus," Eleanor began, the humour dying from her words as she swayed a little closer towards him. Remus swallowed hard, suddenly aware of just how little space now existed between them, noticing for the first time that the fine rain had begun to fall once more. There was nothing in the way of shelter provided by the skeletal frame of the tree above them and Remus could feel the way the freezing cold water was dusting the back of his neck. "If you like me, you like me. Is it really any more complicated than that?"

_If you like her, you like her, Moony_…Sirius' words, mirrored in what Eleanor had just said, seemed to echo in his mind as he looked down into her wide, blue eyes. Remus shook his head, frustrated, trying desperately to stop the memory from ruining what was happening between them.

"No, it isn't," Remus said finally and Eleanor smiled as she hovered a little way in front of him. She appeared to be waiting for him to move, and if Remus had paused to rationalise what was happening, he wouldn't have moved at all. But his mind seemed to have successfully repressed all thoughts of Sirius, the other Marauders, and the guilt he had so often felt in the past. Maybe it was what James had said over New Year, or maybe it had something to do with what had happened since his return to Hogwarts, but all of a sudden Remus made the decision to breach the distance between them and, placing a hand very tentatively on her waist, he pulled Eleanor towards him.

She gasped, a little surprised by the suddenness of the movement, but didn't pull away. Remus suddenly felt a little braver, encouraged by the way he could almost feel Eleanor's heart racing in her chest. Very slowly he moved his hand from the outside of her cloak to inside; his palm resting on her hip, as he pulled her very slowly into him. Remus heard a soft sigh escape her lips as her chest made contact with his; and Remus could now clearly feel not only her heart, but his own, mimicking her pulse.

Eleanor had seemed almost frozen until now. Remus suddenly felt her arm stirring and as she raised her hand to touch his face, Remus had to fight every instinct within himself not to flinch away. The tips of Eleanor's fingers tenderly touched the scar that cut across his lip and she asked in a very breathy whisper, "How did you do that?"

Remus' lips were too dry to answer; the truth seemed to be tightening his chest and making him unable to speak. If only she knew how he had got the scar then she wouldn't be here now, pressed so closely to him, her hand gently caressing his face. There was no way, if she knew what he truly was, that she would even have looked twice at him. Somehow Eleanor seemed to sense Remus slipping away from the intimacy of the moment and, with a sudden movement, she reached down and took his free hand in hers and, raising it to the back of her neck, she asked, "Is this really all that hard?"

"No," Remus somehow managed to reply, his fingers gently stroking the soft hairs at the back of her neck. Eleanor smiled and, blushing, she pressed her palm flat against his cheek. Remus closed his eyes and relished in the warmth of her touch; so different to the coldness of the rain. He could feel every breath she took as though it passed through him. He felt every tender submission her body made as she pressed it up against his. Around them, the air seemed to dance with the rain and, after running his fingertips softly through her hair, Remus thought of nothing else as he leant into Eleanor and kissed her.

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Apprehensive intake of breath Reviews are very much appreciated. Let me know what you think xxx


	39. Chapter 39

A/N: Happy Easter Sunday! Hope everyone's having a good weekend. Thank you for all those reviews and opinions on what may happen next. So here it is, a little of the aftermath, and a certain someone takes it very badly and speaks without thinking...

Thank you to Meg and Rosie whose help is essential to this making any kind of sense.

Disclaimer: I don't own them, I merely borrow them and make them do things that my imagination dictates. No need to sue.

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It was hotter than Remus could have possibly imagined as he pushed his way through a crowd of pupils who seemed to be hovering outside the doors to the Great Hall. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that he had spent the last twenty minutes standing in the rain, or maybe it had been the run back to the castle that had made him so short of breath, but as Remus made his way to the Gryffindor table, he found he was sweating more than he would have liked.

As he sat down beside Peter, who had already filled his plate with triangular sandwiches of all description, Remus could feel his friends' eyes upon him. If he hadn't already been red from the heat, Remus knew that he would be blushing hard and he nervously cleared his throat as he pulled the pitcher of pumpkin juice towards him and began to fill his cup. He gulped it down, and only when he was re-filling his cup did he feel ready to lift his eyes from the table and meet the stares of his friends. Lily was smiling kindly at him; she was obviously aware of his embarrassment and, in an attempt to pre-empt the conversation that was sure to follow, asked hopefully, "Has anyone had a chance to look at the Dark Arts essay yet?"

Remus felt Peter nod eagerly beside him, but James shot Lily a disapproving look and, after leaning conspiratorially across the table, he said to Remus in a hushed voice, "Well, what happened?"

Lily moved as if to speak, but it seemed that her curiosity, too, had got the better of her, and she was now awaiting Remus' response just as eagerly as James. Remus shrugged and mumbled, "We just talked."

Sirius scoffed and said bitterly through a mouthful of sandwich, "You never were much of a liar." Sirius was not even looking at him; his eyes seemed fixed on the plate in front of him as he violently tore off another chunk of bread and thrust it into his mouth.

"Don't start all that again," James sighed, his eyes moving between his two friends. The guilt Remus often felt was retuning, as if something about what had just happened was wrong, and he could barely meet Eleanor's eyes as she passed, smiling furtively at Remus before taking her place at the Ravenclaw table. Sirius had seen the smile and, after laughing sourly to himself, he swallowed the sandwich hard before beginning, "Well, Mister Lupin, it seems like whatever happened was a success. I can't say I'm not a little shocked; who would have thought it? Sweet and innocent Remus leading such a double life…" It seemed to Remus that the entire table grew silent; Peter, no longer able to avoid the argument, and had now looked up from his plate. Lily looked desperately to James, but there was nothing James could do. As he moved to interrupt, Sirius simply continued to speak over him. "I must congratulate you, though, after the smile she just gave you…quick work. It usually takes me at least a couple of Butterbeers to get anyone to smile at me like that."

Remus stared fixedly at Sirius, not allowing him to see the effect his words were having; he would not turn away, embarrassed at what was being said. Sirius was laughing now and James attempted to silence his friend, but Sirius continued to speak as if James wasn't there. "I think a toast is in order…" Sirius grabbed his cup and stood up, raising it and addressing everyone in earshot, "To Remus Lupin, the Casanova of Hogwarts."

Remus stood up, hands flat on the table, barely able to contain himself as he leant towards Sirius and hissed, "For god's sake, sit down. Stop acting like such a child!"

The manic smile disappeared from Sirius' face as he too leant across the table. His eyes were dark with hatred, and his face was shrouded in bitterness as he snarled, "We'll see who the child is when she finds out what you really are. Then we'll see if she'll smile at you like that."

Remus lunged forwards with every intention of wiping the sadistic smirk from Sirius' face, yet James had sprung to his feet and virtually thrown himself between his two friends. Suddenly, Sirius stumbled forwards, the pumpkin juice slipping from his hands and spilling down his front and as Sirius turned around, Remus saw that Snape was grimacing behind him.

"Must have slipped," he said silkily, his black eyes smouldering with amusement as he looked at the faces of James and Remus. Sirius threw the cup down on the table, his voice barely controlled as he replied, "With an oil slick like that…" Sirius glanced at the black hair that hung lankly around Snape's sallow face, "…I'm hardly surprised."

Snape said nothing as he turned to Lily, who seemed had jumped to her feet the moment he had arrived. She seemed embarrassed - whether by the presence of the Marauders or of Snape, Remus could not be sure - and she had turned a deep shade of scarlet as Snape said, "I have to say, Evans, I don't think much of the company you've been keeping of late. A bit…" His eyes swept up and down James before he finished, "Beneath you, isn't it?"

"What exactly are you saying?" James snapped. Snape's eyes flickered with amusement as he sighed impatiently. "I would have thought that would be obvious, but even I can be wrong. Besides…" He smiled before adding bitterly, "How could I possibly attempt to understand a dazzling intellect such as yours?"

It was James' turn to start forward, mumbling expletives under his breath, but Lily grabbed his arm and held him back. Remus saw Snape notice this gesture and for a moment Remus could read something other disdain etched in the hard features of his face.

"You're just asking to be hexed today, aren't you, Snivellus?" Sirius snapped through gritted teeth. "What's the matter? Problems at home?"

Remus watched as Snape paled, his face seeming almost frozen as he spoke. "You'd know best about problems at home, wouldn't you?" Remus tensed and James struggled to free himself from Lily's grasp as Snape continued mercilessly, "Tell me, are Mummy and Daddy still proud of their firstborn? Or have they finally come to recognise what a treacherous little parasite you really are?"

Sirius drew his wand and aimed and, after stumbling backwards, Snape had done the same.

"No!" Lily yelled, but her voice was lost as the air cracked with a hex that Sirius had cast at Snape. Snape dodged it, sending the red sparks ricocheting off the wall behind, much to the shock of the Hufflepuff table.

All around them had erupted into chaos; shrieks of "Get out of the way!", "Move!" and "Someone get a Prefect!" filled the air and as Sirius deflected another of Snape's hexes, Remus could hear the voices of McGonagall and Slughorn approaching.

"If you ever dare mention my parents to me again…" Sirius grunted as he pulled himself up off the ground and aimed another hex at Snape. Snape, deflecting it, sent the red sparks whistling over Peter's head as he spat, "What's the matter? Not frightened of what will happen to a filthy, pure-blood traitor like you?"

Sirius laughed as he dodged Snape's hex, saying, "It's you that should be worried, Snape, not me. It's you that should be afraid!"

"_Expelliarmus!"_ McGonagall and Slughorn yelled simultaneously and Remus watched as both Sirius' and Snape's wands flew out of their hands. Sirius, however, remained determined; the loss of his primary weapon didn't seem to phase him in the slightest, and he launched himself at Snape. Lily yelled again and Remus and James started forward in an attempt to pull their friend from him, yet Sirius was unstoppable as he attempted to pin Snape to the floor. Snape was writhing, struggling desperately to free himself and inflict as much pain as he could. This did not continue for long, however; as McGonagall approached, Slughorn reached down and heaved both boys to their feet.

"Never!" McGonagall began, a little out of breath. "Never, in all my years at Hogwarts, have I seen such an attack between pupils. I am utterly ashamed at both of your behaviour. There is no excuse for such thoughtless violence, do you understand?"

Snape said nothing as Slughorn's hands left the collar of his robes. Sirius had shoved his hands into his pockets, his frame still shaking from both the fight and the anger that Remus knew would be coursing through him.

"Not only could you have seriously injured yourselves, but others in the process." Slughorn glanced from Sirius to Snape, who was now in the process of dusting down his robes. "I am shocked to see such reckless behaviour from you, Severus. I am disappointed to find that my trust in you seems to have been misplaced."

"And Sirius," McGonagall's voice was dangerous. "You have been warned time and time again that this sort of thing will not be tolerated in Gryffindor, or indeed, at Hogwarts, do I make myself clear?"

Sirius hardly nodded a response. A look passed between McGonagall and Slughorn, and McGonagall announced, "Fifty points shall be taken from both houses…" Those who had stayed to watch the fight now gasped. "And detention for both of you; my office, tonight." Remus saw the way Sirius was shaking his head at the punishment, while Snape appeared to be suppressing a smile. "And, of course, Professor Dumbledore shall be informed of your actions."

Slughorn nodded in agreement and, after Snape had collected his wand from where it had landed, he led him out of the Great Hall. McGonagall remained, her eyes fixed on Sirius, who was still looking at the floor.

"I expect this to be the last time I have to say anything of this kind to you." Sirius said nothing as he moved to retrieve his wand, and as McGonagall left, she eyed the other Marauders with suspicion.

"Sirius, you…" Remus began but Sirius turned, his eyes blazing as he gathered his cloak to him with the words, "Forgive me if I'm not in the mood for one of your little lectures Remus, but I've got to get going and finish the Dark Arts essay for tomorrow. Somehow I don't get the feeling I'll have the time to do it tonight." And with that he left.

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Reviews and opinions encouraged xxx


	40. Chapter 40

A/N: Once again thank you for all those lovely reviews. Fight scenes are always fun to write, although deceptively difficult (but not as difficult as writing Quidditch scenes, that's bloody tough!). Anyway, here is yet another update which I hope will keep you all happy. The tension continues to build as James and Lily appear to catch some of what has been bothering Remus and Sirius so much.

Thank you to Meg and Rosie who help it make alot of sense.

Disclaimer: Ho, hum. I think everyone knows by now that I don't own the characters so there is no need to sue me.

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The other Marauders were silent as they left the Great Hall. James did not even turn to talk to Lily when she tried to prompt him into conversation. Peter shuffled along aimlessly some way off from the group as they made their way to the bottom of the Grand Staircase. As they passed groups of students, Remus could hear the things they were muttering; the names of Sirius and Snape were muddled in with phrases like "I couldn't believe it…in the Great Hall, in front of everyone", "Did you see Black's face when Slughorn pulled them apart?" and "Fifty points from Slytherin! That's so unfair. Black, on the other hand, deserved everything he got". As Remus brushed past a group of timid first-years, their eyes moving warily over the Marauders as if they were suddenly going to start hexing people, he couldn't help but hear Snape's insults in his mind; as venomous and as vicious as if they had been directed at Remus himself. Every word had been designed to offend; every inflection of his voice had been intended to cause pain. Through his anger Remus had clearly seen Sirius' hurt, though this could in no way forgive what Sirius had said before Snape's interruption; and as Remus began to climb the stairs, he found himself as angry as he had been when Sirius had first spoken the words.

"Remus," a familiar voice from behind him called, and Remus turned to see Eleanor running up behind him on the stairs. Lily, James and Peter continued to walk, oblivious to the fact that Remus had been detained. Remus tried to smile as Eleanor approached yet he found himself suddenly embarrassed to be in her company once more. The last time he had seen her was now about an hour ago, kissing her under the trees. Eleanor skidded to a halt in front of him and, after glancing to see who was around, she said, "I saw what happened with Black and Snape. Is everything alright?"

Remus nodded and continued to walk, his eyes fixed on the backs of his friends, who had now reached the floor above. Eleanor walked beside him, and as they waited for the staircase to change, she said, "I can't believe they would fight like that. I mean, I always knew they hated each other and that Black could be a bit of a bully…"

Remus shot her a look and, suddenly aware that this insult was not welcome, she quickly changed tack. "Did Snape say something? He must have done to make him react like that…"

"He was just being his usual charming self," Remus replied curtly. Eleanor hesitated, stopping and placing her hand on the banister. Remus considered walking on, following his friends up to the Gryffindor common room, yet, given all that had happened between them, Remus thought that this was not the best thing to do. He stopped and, turning to Eleanor, ruffled his hair distractedly before saying, "I'm sorry…I'm sorry…it's just that…"

"Bad timing?" Eleanor offered. Remus nodded.

"Yeah, something like that."

For a moment they stood in silence and Remus could almost have believed that he had dreamt what had happened between them earlier. It was as though he had never been so distant from someone to whom he had, previously, been so close. Something awkward had descended between them that made Remus feel like he wanted to be anywhere but here. Eleanor looked at her feet; her hair was still frizzy from the rain and her shoes were covered in grime. Remus wished he could conjure up the images of earlier; images of hot breath, wet lips and warm, relenting flesh. Yet it seemed like what Sirius had said at lunch was now driving a wedge between them, making it impossible to view their kiss with anything apart from guilt and shame. The pleasure of the moment seemed to evaporate like the rain from his skin as he had entered the sweltering heat of the Great Hall. And now, as he looked at her, each of them waiting for the other to speak first, Remus could hardly remember what it had been like to feel her body against his, or what she had tasted like, or any of the other things he had tried so hard to commit to memory.

"I'll be going, then," Eleanor said and as she took a step backwards Remus suddenly awoke from his thoughts, and started forward in an attempt to make her stay. Eleanor smiled and raised her hand to stop him; her voice had adopted a strange, sing-song quality as she said, "No, it's alright, I get it. This isn't really the time to be doing all this…" Remus nodded in agreement. "I'll be seeing you later, then," Eleanor said lightly, smiling at Remus before turning to descend the staircase.

"Yeah, bye," Remus called after her and, after he watching her make her way to the very bottom, he turned around, making his way towards the seventh floor.

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Remus could hear them arguing as soon as he placed his hand on the handle of the door. Now, as he opened it, he could see Peter sitting timidly on his bed, relieved, it seemed, by Remus' sudden appearance. James and Lily were standing in the middle of the room facing each other; Lily's eyes were blazing and James had his hands on his hips and was virtually shouting at her.

"We've at least got to try and do something now. You heard the things that Snivellus was saying. He knows as much as, if not more, than we do and unless we act quickly then…"

"What can he do in detention? Why is it that we have to do something tonight? And besides -" She lowered her voice and, compared to the heat of the exchanges before, it seemed all the more dangerous as she continued, "Besides, you know Sirius isn't completely without blame."

"I can't believe you're defending him!" James spat the words as he moved swiftly to block her path to the door. Remus froze, frightened that any sudden movements would draw Lily and James' fury to him. "I can't believe that you're actually siding with him!"

"Oh, for Christ's sake, Potter, it's not about taking sides…"

"Well, that's not what you were saying the other night," James persisted and Remus flinched as Lily rounded on him hotly, her whole face contorting with anger as she said, "I can't believe I ever thought you could be grown-up enough for me to trust. What an idiot I was to actually think you would take anything seriously. All you care about is whether or not I'm agreeing with what Snape said or did…"

"But you are, aren't you?" James continued, and Remus inwardly cringed at his words. James' face was red and his hair seemed more unruly than ever as he carried on, "You actually think that Sirius deserved…"

"As a matter of fact, I don't!" Lily snapped savagely, her voice wavering. "But it may come as a surprise for you to learn that Sirius isn't always right. In fact, sometimes he gets it so wrong that I'm surprised he's managed to function in this world for so long!"

James gasped so hard he began to cough as he attempted to splutter a reply. "That's rich coming from you! At least I know where my real loyalties lie! But if you'd rather spend your time with that slimy, Slytherin git then I suppose that's up to you."

"Rather than with you, you mean?" James had stopped coughing and Remus had very carefully begun to move quietly across the room. Lily didn't even notice him pass as she continued, "If this is all because of jealousy then you're perversely transparent."

"And what if I am?" James was shaking, nodding his head furiously in her direction. "What if I am jealous, what then? Does that make me the villain?"

Lily stormed across the room and, yanking the door open, she snapped her head round to James and said, "No; it makes you the most arrogant, blinkered half-wit I've ever met!" And with that, she slammed the door behind her.

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I do have such a genuine affection for James and Lily. As always, I'd love you to review and let me know what you think xxx


	41. Chapter 41

A/N: You don't know how many times I have attempted to upload this chapter over the past week! Anyway, hopefully it would have done so now. Thank you to those of you who are reading and reviewing. It really means alot to me. And welcome to new readers! You have certainly had alot to read to catch up. Tensions continue to mount as suspicions escalate.

Thank you to Megan and Rosie for being patient with this.

Disclaimer: I am not J.K.Rowling so there is no need to sue me.

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The fire in the Gryffindor dormitory had a habit of smoking. Some winters it would be so bad that Remus would sometimes walk into the room to find Peter coughing, struggling to open a window whilst James and Sirius desperately fanned the smoke away; beating the air with the pillows they had grabbed from the bed. Now, as Remus lay back, the book he had been trying to read spread open on his chest, he could smell the smoke from the fire filling the room. He had heard the clock in the common room below chime nine ages ago and as he now raised his eyes to James, he noticed just how increasingly agitated James had become.

"He should be back by now," he said, swinging his legs off of the bed, his hands slapping down on his knees. Remus shrugged a quiet response. "Why isn't he back? If only he hadn't taken the map with him we would have some idea where he was."

"He'll be fine," Remus said, closing the book and placing it on the nightstand. Peter had just entered the room from the bathroom. "Nothing would have gone on between him and Snape after detention; McGonagall would have made sure of that."

"Yeah, Moony is right," Peter offered wiping his damp face on the towel he had brought with him. "I don't think there is much chance of anything else happening between them tonight."

James sighed and flung himself back on his bed; saying nothing else as he stared determinedly up into the canopy. Remus could tell that James was dwelling on his argument with Lily and now, as he lay sulkily on his bed, he was perhaps running through in his mind all that had been said. Tempers had been frayed since lunchtime and it had come as little surprise to Remus to find yet another argument ensuing when he had returned to the dormitory. Yet dinnertime had come and gone and Sirius had yet to be seen and even Remus was shocked at just how greatly what had happened in the Great Hall at lunchtime had affected them all. It had started as an argument between friends, which had quickly progressed into a fight between enemies. Had what had happened really all been about Eleanor or was something else, something much more sinister, bubbling beneath the surface? Sirius had meant his words to hurt Remus and they had; he had meant his insult to wound. As Remus watched James sit up and exhale dramatically, he found himself almost thankful for the interruption of Snape, realising that maybe if Snape hadn't have come along, then a whole different sort of fight could have taken place.

Suddenly the door to the dormitory burst open and Sirius appeared, looking tired and dishevelled and slightly wary as he entered the room. At once James was on his feet and he moved towards his friend as he said, "You alright Padfoot? How was it?"

"What?" Sirius snapped, shaking his head in dismay as his eyes seemed to move between the four beds in the room. James looked to Remus who, also confused, and moved to his feet.

"Did something happen?" Remus asked and Sirius smiled flippantly before heading towards his bed with the words, "No, why, should something have had happened?"

Remus shook his head and as he watched Sirius sit down he couldn't help but feel un-nerved by Sirius' distinct change in behaviour. He seemed to have too quickly forgotten the heated words that had passed between them; there was no uneasiness in his manner towards him or sardonic looks. There seemed to be no notable avoidance of eye contact as Sirius, instead, looked around the room almost as if he had never seen it before. James took a step forwards to where Sirius was sitting on the bed and said, "Is everything alright?"

Sirius threw his head back and laughed hard, and Remus was somewhat comforted by the familiar lack of humour in his voice as he said, "Nothing's wrong…really." He paused and, smiling at Remus he continued, "How else do you expect me to react after spending my evening with McGonagall and Snape?"

James laughed yet Remus, still confused, looked at Peter, who, in turn, was looking at Sirius, bemused. It was so unlike Sirius to forget things so quickly; it was so unusual for the tension to just subside and as Sirius leant back against the headboard, Remus noticed the way he seemed to still be smiling lightly to himself as he said, "Snape's annoying at the best of times but today…"

"I think we all agree that no-one can blame you for the way you reacted," James begun. Peter was nodding in agreement. "After the things he said about your parents…it just proves it, doesn't it?"

"Proves what?" Sirius asked softly. Remus tensed, his hand seeking the bedpost to steady himself. Something was very, very wrong.

"Well it just proves that we're right. Snivellus knows about what's going on with Voldemort and…" Remus noticed the way Sirius had flinched as James had said the name. Yet James hadn't as he continued, "…your family. How do you think he knows? Do you think he's been talking to your brother?"

Sirius shrugged; the same, strange smile lacing his lips as he mumbled, "Who knows? I wouldn't, would I?"

Remus took a step forwards and the movement drew Sirius' eyes automatically towards him. There was no hate or angry frustration; there was no bitterness or desperate vulnerability in those eyes. What Remus read there was complete indifference and it was this indifference that made him carefully close his hand about his wand inside his pocket.

"B…but I thought you were going to try and speak to him?" Peter offered tentatively, and Sirius turned to look at the most nervous of all the Marauders with amusement as he continued, "We still have to find out what Snape is making the Polyjuice potion for."

"Do we?" Sirius asked, turning to James who had returned to his previous position of lying idly across his bed. "I thought you were going to…"

"I was," James snapped sulkily, "But I argued with Lily, didn't I? God knows when she's going to deign to speak to me again so I guess we'll have to get on with that little task on our own."

Remus took another small step forwards, his eyes fixed firmly on Sirius' face which seemed somehow different in the flickering shadows cast by the fire. Sirius was looking at James and did not see that Remus was drawing ever nearer and, with a forced air of flippancy, he asked, "Do you think we'll ever really know though? I mean…about what's going on?"

James looked up, at last confused by Sirius' sudden lack of conviction as he said, "Course we will Padfoot, it's not like before, is it, when we didn't have a clue. We've got some idea of what they're up to and as soon as we find out what Snape's up to in the Room…"

"You shouldn't have said what you said to me at lunch," Remus interrupted coldly, interrupting James and stopping him from saying anything else. Sirius' eyes flickered with doubt and an empty smile engulfed his features as he said, "I'm sorry Remus." The response was too cold, too automatic; Sirius' face, although familiar, seemed too different to be real. James looked at Remus yet Remus' eyes were fixed on Sirius, his hand tightened around his wand as Sirius began to laugh.

"_Incarcerous!" _Remus yelled, swiftly drawing his wand and aiming it at Sirius. Thin, black cords burst from Remus' wand and began to bind Sirius' arms and legs tightly together. Peter had frozen yet James had leapt up from the bed, yelling something Remus couldn't hear as he said, "_Accio wand!"_

"What the hell are you doing?" James said, nearly tripping over a pair of shoes at the end of his bed as he made his way over to Remus. Sirius continued to laugh manically as Remus pocketed his wand and, after glancing to make sure that Sirius was properly bound, he turned to James and said, "That's not Sirius."

"W…what do you mean Moony?" Peter stammered yet James could not speak as he turned to scrutinise Sirius' face in the semi-darkness. Remus saw the way the shadows shifted on his face; noticed the way the light was making it appear as though Sirius' form was slowly shifting into another. James drew his wand and pointed it in Sirius' direction; edging forwards cautiously as Sirius' face continued to change. His eyes became darker; his cheek bones rose and his brow became broader and less defined. But the nose, the mannerisms, the madness were still there and as Remus and James peered down, they found that the face of Regulus was now glaring back up.

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Dum dum dum! Reviews are always very welcome xxx


	42. Chapter 42

A/N: This update is helping me procrastinate by ignoring the revision I should be doing that is lurking downstairs (which is evil). Thank you for those of you who are reading and reviewing. That twist was great to right as it would have been slightly too predictable for my liking to have Snape. Besides, Regulus is more significant than we perhaps give him credit for. (See any R.A.B theory ever written).

Anyway, let's get on and see how Regulus deals with being discovered by the Marauders.

Thank you muchly to Meg and Rosie who are always very honest about what they think.

Disclaimer: The last time I checked, I still didn't own these. No need to sue.

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"Where is he?" Regulus was still laughing; his eyes, which were more dark and narrow than Sirius' were smouldering with amusement as Remus pressed the point of his wand painfully into Regulus' chest. "Where's Sirius?"

"Now there's need for all that," Regulus said smoothly through his chuckles, yet the laughter seemed to die on his lips as James' wand joined Remus'.

"How did you get in here?" James asked. Peter, who was hovering a little way between them, his wand angled in Regulus' general direction gave a frightened squeak.

"Who's to say that I didn't get the password off of that older brother of mine?" James laughed mirthlessly and applied more pressure so his wand was now jabbing Regulus in the chest.

"Sirius would never tell you anything…"

"He didn't have to. It seems that that portrait of yours is ever so willing to divulge those sorts of things when enough pressure is applied…" Remus groaned and kicked the bedpost hard. Of course the Fat Lady would have given Regulus the password; she would have assumed that Regulus was Sirius and, remembering the flatterings and flirtations of before, she wouldn't even have hesitated before telling him the password. "It's obvious that you Gryffindors don't take security seriously. I couldn't have imagined it would have been that easy."

"That's because we have less to hide." Regulus glared at Remus and at that moment Remus could clearly see the likeness between the two brothers. After a moment of silence, Regulus' face broke into a grimace of a smile as he said, "Oh I wouldn't be so sure about that."

"Where is he?" James repeated more aggressive than before and, after struggling helplessly, Regulus snarled, "What does it matter? By the time you reach him the damage will already be done…"

"Snape made the Polyjuice potion for you, didn't he?" Remus asked. Regulus said nothing and Remus continued as suddenly the events of the past couple of weeks fell into place. Remus glanced over his shoulder to Peter, and then turned his attention to James before he continued, "Earlier in the Great Hall…the fight…"

Realisation brightened James' features and he sighed, "Of course! The fight was no accident. Snape must have bumped into Sirius on purpose."

"He knew that Sirius was already angry…well on his way to loosing his temper. He could have overheard us arguing before." Remus could barely contain his excitement as he finally understood why it was that Snape had been making Polyjuice Potion. James was nodding feverently as he too understood. Remus was becoming increasingly animated as he spoke and he was now pointing rather threateningly at James. "He would have taken some of Sirius' hair when they were fighting and used that in the Polyjuice potion."

"And then he would have given it to you," James spat at Regulus. Regulus tutted sarcastically before he said, "Well it didn't take you long to get there, did it?"

"Well it was your unconvincing impression of Sirius that gave it away." Remus smiled sweetly at Regulus, who spluttered venomously, "Forgive me if I don't have it in me to mimic that disgusting excuse for a sibling."

"But why…" Peter spoke for the first time since Regulus had been uncovered, and Remus turned, a little surprised by the interruption of his voice. "But why would they want to come here to spy on us?"

"It seems like we're not the only ones that have been keeping an eye out," Remus said and Regulus smiled at this; his face twisting with characteristic Black malice. Of course, it made so much sense now. It hadn't even occurred to them to think that maybe, just maybe, they weren't the only ones noticing the changes. After all, the changes were happening more to Snape and Regulus than they were to any of the Marauders; for it was Snape and Regulus and any number of other students at Hogwarts that were succumbing to the powers of this Voledmort and falling in line with his ways of thinking. Just as Sirius had known what was happening to Regulus and others, Regulus must have had a pretty good idea at what was happening to the Marauders. He had, of course, been there the day Sirius had been disowned. He had fought with Sirius before he had left Grimmauld Place; he had given him the cuts and bruises to take with him. Remus realised just how stupid they had all been in not suspecting that Regulus and Snape were working together; that just as they were watching them, that they too were being watched and suspected.

"I suppose my brother feels quite at home now with you Potter," Regulus turned his venom on James, as he looked him up and down and hissed, "I'm not surprised after the affect being sorted into Gryffindor had. I'm not surprised that he feels more at home with your filthy, Muggle-born loving family."

"My family are just as pure-blood as yours," James snapped in response, his hand shaking as he attempted to steady his wand. Regulus winced as if he had smelt something unpleasant before he hushed sadistically, "Purity is not just a matter of blood."

"You're poison, do you know that?" Remus muttered coolly, struggling to remain controlled. "You and your entire family; what you stand for, what you believe…" Remus took a deep breath before he continued, dead-pan, "It makes me sick to the stomach to think on it."

"Then don't," Regulus advised, his voice clearly showing the signs of restraint that Remus, too, had applied. "It doesn't matter what you or my brother or anyone does; it is unstoppable. There are too many of us now with the same goals and the same beliefs. There is nothing you or anyone can do. It is too late already and it hasn't even begun."

"Toujours pur?" James questioned and Regulus flashed his teeth as he smiled before replying, "Something like that."

"Tell us where he is!" Remus snapped, suddenly realising how much time they had already wasted arguing; how that somewhere, something had happened to Sirius and they didn't know where he was. Regulus struggled yet the magical cords held tight and, as he thrust his chest upwards in a desperate attempt to free himself, his voice was strained as he hissed, "Over my dead body!"

James tightened his grasp on his wand as he thrust it sharply into Regulus' face.

"Give me one good reason…"

Regulus laughed hard before saying, "I don't really think you have it in you to perform the Killing curse, do you?"

"Enough!" Remus said, grabbing James' arm and pulling it so he lowered his wand. James turned to face Remus, furious, yet Remus prevented him from shouting by nodding at Regulus and saying, "Haven't you noticed? He's wearing Sirius' clothes?"

James looked confused yet Remus started forward, thrusting his hands into the pockets of the robes Regulus was wearing, searching for something. Regulus snarled expletives as he did so, but James once more pressed his wand into his side, and Remus found what he was looking for and pulled a spare piece of parchment out of the pocket.

"Watch him," Peter said over his shoulder to Peter as he walked to the opposite side of the room to where Remus was now standing. Unseen by Regulus Remus placed his wand to the parchment and, after whispering "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good", both boys watched as the Marauder's Map seeped its way across the page. Remus' eyes quickly swept the page and finally, much to his relief, he found the spot marked "Sirius Black".

"There!" Remus pointed, "There, on the sixth floor. Looks like he's locked in a broom cupboard…"

"Who's going to go?" James asked, looking over to where Regulus was lying on the bed. Peter gave a nervous smile. "Someone will have to stay with him."

Remus nodded and, after thinking quickly, he said, "I'll take the map and go find Sirius." Remus' eyes scoured the map again to find the spot marked "Severus Snape". Eventually he found him, pacing backwards and forwards on the seventh floor; no doubt in the process of entering or leaving the Room of Requirement. "Take your cloak and go to the seventh floor. See if you can find out what Snape is doing…" James nodded yet as he moved to leave, Remus grabbed his arm and held him back as he said, "Just watch him though." James rolled his eyes and left.

Remus folded the map and shoved it in his pocket.

"Peter, you stay here and keep an eye on him," Peter mumbled in agreement and shifted nervously on the bed. Regulus glared at Remus as he approached, his hand grasping the bedpost as he leant over the bed to say calmly, "If you've hurt him…whatever you've done to him I promise you I won't forget it."

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The tension continues. Where is Sirius? What has happened to him? Reviews may encourage me to tell you xxx


	43. Chapter 43

A/N: There has been some sort of malfunction that has prevented emailing me my reviews. So it was a HUGE surprise when I checked today and have broken the hundred mark! Thank you so much for reading, reviewing and letting me know what you think. It really is appreciated so much I can't tell you!

As a reward here is the next chapter. Find out just what has happened to Sirius and, as extra treat, lashings of tension besides!

Thank you to Meg and Rosie who help this all make sense.

Disclaimer: I'm sure J.K.Rowling has better things to do with her time than post stories on here. I'm not her, so don't sue.

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Remus had tried not to run from the Gryffindor common room down to the sixth floor. It had required a great deal of self-restraint to not sprint down the Grand Staircase and past the History of Magic classrooms to reach his destination. It had taken longer than he would have liked, for he had been stopped by a seventh-year Ravenclaw prefect by the name of Mathais Brown, who had wanted to know everything about the fight that afternoon. Remus had struggled to steady his breathing and to keep his agitation hidden. He had fought the urge to shift nervously on his feet or glance desperately over the boy's shoulder to ascertain how far he had left to go. Somehow, he had managed to keep calm for long enough and, after a short conversation, Mathais said something about "trouble with second-years trying to get into the kitchens" before nodding somewhat knowingly at Remus and walking off.

For a moment Remus didn't move, his face frozen in a polite smile as he watched Mathais' robes disappear around the corner. He listened for noise but all seemed to be deserted. Somewhere, very far off, Remus heard the sound of a door opening and closing; no doubt some other prefect doing the rounds and, after he had listened to make sure that the footsteps were heading in the opposite direction, Remus sprung into action, whipping out the map, which he had stuffed in his pocket, and heading on down the corridor. As Remus watched the map intently he could see that not only was he approaching the broom cupboard with Sirius inside, but also that "James Potter" was slowly making his way to the corridor outside the Room of Requirement on the seventh floor. "Severus Snape", however, was no longer visible and Remus assumed that in the time it had taken for them to leave the dormitory, Snape had entered the Room. Remus' eyes moved from the corridor to the Gryffindor dormitory and he couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief as he saw that "Regulus Black" and "Peter Pettigrew" were still exactly where they should be. He had been more than a little apprehensive about leaving Peter to watch but, considering the other tasks he could have been assigned, Remus was certain that Peter had a much better chance of succeeding in the task they had set him.

Remus halted in front of the door to the broom cupboard, checking for the last time that this was, indeed, where Sirius was before muttering "mischief managed" down at the parchment. Remus turned the handle hopefully but it came as little surprise that the door was locked. There was be no way that Snape would have left it open and it was with an equal amount of optimism that Remus drew his wand and, placing it on the lock, said the word _"Alohomora"_. _Snape was confident_, Remus thought as he opened the door; he had not gone to the effort of making it more difficult to get to whoever was inside. Yet this small relief evaporated as soon as Remus, after stumbling over what felt like a broom, whispered "_Lumos"_ in the darkness and looked down at Sirius, who was lying unconscious on the floor.

Immediately Remus dropped to his knees, cursing the brooms and buckets that tumbled about his head. The pale, blue light of the spell illuminated Sirius' face as Remus struggled to pull his friend towards him. His body was limp and heavy and difficult to manoeuvre in such a tiny, cluttered space. Inside, Remus grew hot with anger as he saw the poppied bruises that covered his friend's face; felt the sticky, scarlet blood that had congealed on the Slytherin uniform that had been swapped for his. Placing his own wand on the shelf above his head, Remus could concentrate on searching Sirius' pockets for his. They were empty. Frustrated, Remus stood up, propping Sirius against the wall as he began to frantically search the cupboard for any sign of it. Maybe Snape had taken it? Or maybe, when the uniforms had been exchanged, Regulus had taken Sirius' wand with him? _No_, Remus thought to himself as he moved aside the bottles and jars of various magical cleaning products to better search the shelves; _that would not make sense_. Eventually, Remus found it sticking out of a half empty jar of "Voluptuous Veronica's Vanishing Varnish" and, kneeling back down, he wasted little time in severing the cords that bound Sirius' arms and legs together.

Remus paused once he had finished; Sirius' wand was so different to his own; it was temperamental and difficult to control. He noticed for the second time that evening just how similar Sirius and Regulus appeared and now, as he pulled Sirius towards him, it could almost be as if he were once again looking at Regulus, whom he had left bound and laughing in bed. This thought was immediately interrupted, however, as a crippling fear began to take hold; Sirius had yet to wake up. He remained motionless in the eerie blue light of the tiny space and, with a forced air of detachment, Remus reached down and placed two fingers on Sirius' wrist to feel for a pulse.

"If you think…" a rough, strangled voice began in the semi-darkness. Remus started backwards, retracting his hand almost immediately, nearly knocking over the brooms behind him. "If you think I would have given that slimy git the privilege of finishing me off…" Sirius winced, his mouth snapping shut as Remus placed one hand on his shoulder and pushed him back so he was lying as flat as he could on the floor.

"Shhh," Remus said, relief taking the place of fear in his veins as his hands sought the hem of the shirt Sirius was wearing to un-tuck it from his trousers. "Don't talk…" Sirius growled but said nothing as Remus began to carefully unbutton the shirt and peel it from his body; blood made it stick in the places where the wounds were worst. Remus lowered the wand and suppressed a gasp as he saw, for the first time, the deep gash down Sirius' side. Sirius tried to raise his head from the floor to look, but as he did so, the pain grew too severe and he relaxed back down on the floor with the words "How bad is it? It feels like someone's ripped out my insides."

Remus took the shirt he had just removed and tenderly began to mop away some of the blood that was smeared across Sirius' torso. "I have to get you to the hospital wing."

Once again Sirius tried to lift his head yet pain triumphed and, as he lay back, Sirius' words twisted with frustration as he said, "I'm not going."

"What?" Remus asked, stunned, his eyes still fixed on the gaping wound. Sirius inhaled sharply through gritted teeth.

"I'm not going to the bloody hospital wing. I can't go, not like this…"

"Don't be such an idiot; you have to go. These aren't the sort of injuries you're going to recover from overnight. These are really quite…" Remus hesitated as he saw yet another gash, a lot smaller and a lot shallower than the other, running across one side of his chest. "My god Sirius, what happened?"

Sirius moved to speak but the words escaped him, a whimper of pain replacing them. Swiftly Remus pressed his hand over Sirius' mouth to muffle the moans from whoever might happen to pass by outside. Sirius grew calm and Remus withdrew his hand.

"Please Moony, don't ask questions just now. Just help to heal me."

"I couldn't…" Remus froze, his eyes accounting for every injury on Sirius' body as he mumbled, "I really don't think that I can…"

Sirius flinched as though he were going to groan again but, after closing his eyes and swallowing hard, he opened them again and spoke up at the ceiling. "Look, if you take me to the hospital wing questions will be asked, and then they'll find out what's been happening before we get to. Please Remus, I know you can do it. Just…try, okay?"

Remus had quickly memorised every gash and every bruise by the time he passed Sirius' wand back to him. Sirius tried to smile as Remus reached for his own wand.

"You'll have to give me light," Remus said and at once the same blue light that had filled the room earlier appeared from the end of Sirius' wand. Remus took off his robes and rolled up the sleeves of his jumper and sighed, rubbing his face wearily, as he peered down at Sirius' purpled face.

Soon, all the bruises on Sirius' face had vanished; a small cut across one eyebrow was all that remained in the way of facial injuries. Already his mind was whirring and his joints were aching. As he sat with his back against the wall, Remus looked down at his hands, only to see that they were shaking with the amount of magic he had just performed. He had started with a less serious wound in order to reassure himself of his capabilities, yet his friend's more frequent cries had caused him to stop. All seemed silent outside; the only noise that broke the stillness was the sounds of Sirius' ragged breathing and moans of pain. Remus was exhausted but as he turned his attention to his injured friend he knew that there was no way that Sirius would be able to calmly bear the pain of such wounds for much longer. He had attempted to stifle his cries by biting down hard on the back of his hand. Now, as Sirius allowed his hand to relax back down by his side, Remus could clearly see the ring of teeth marks that were imprinted in the flesh. Sirius took a deep, shuddering breath before, shifting his head so he could see Remus better, he said, "Help me up."

Remus shuffled hesitantly over and, with one arm around Sirius' shoulder, he carefully guided Sirius' back to rest against his chest.

"There's no way you can stand," Remus said, feeling the way Sirius was now shifting so that his head rested against his shoulder. Sirius growled and winced, the pain of moving causing him to lash his arms by his sides. Remus placed his hands on Sirius' shoulders quite firmly in an attempt to quieten his friend and eventually, Sirius stopped writhing. After panting heavily for a moment Remus felt Sirius' body relax against his before he said, "I don't want to stand, it's just…a little too painful to lie flat anymore."

Remus nodded and, after tenderly smoothing Sirius' hair back from his face, he lowered his wand to Sirius' remaining wounds, chanting a low incantation under his breath. He had closed his eyes in order to concentrate and as Remus continued muttering his feverish prayer, he began to slowly trace his wand up and down in the air above the cut. Sirius moved against him slightly as the wound began to slowly knit together and, after a moment or two of saying nothing, Sirius gasped at the strange healing sensation before saying suddenly, "I'm sorry for what I said at lunch."

Remus' eyes fluttered open. The spell died on his lips and Sirius' wound stopped healing. Remus looked down and saw that Sirius was looking up at him, a strange, sadness in his eyes. Remus tutted and shrugged and, after encouraging Sirius to relax once more against him, he muttered, "Just sit back. I can't concentrate when you're talking to me."

Sirius' body submitted and Remus began to speak the spell under his breath once more. He thought he heard Sirius laugh, and he could feel the way he slowly shook his head before saying, "I was a bastard…a complete and utter bastard." He paused as Remus stopped, glancing down to see that the worst of the wounds had now healed. As Remus picked up the discarded shirt and began to wipe away the blood that still remained, Sirius continued, "I'm surprised you came to find me at all."

Remus allowed the shirt to fall from his hands and, manoeuvring Sirius slightly so he could better see the only cut that remained across his chest, Remus shrugged slightly before whispering, "Of course I'd come to find you."

Sirius laughed, yet this laugh was interrupted as, with a sharp intake of breath, Remus began to heal the final wound. It didn't take as long as the one before it had and, within a few moments, Remus looked down to see that all that remained of the cuts were two very angry-looking scars. Remus moved back, allowing Sirius to sit up unsupported for the first time, and he watched as his friend looked down at his torso in fascination.

Suddenly, Remus was on his feet, pulling his jumper off over his head. He threw it down on the floor where he had discarded his robes, and he made every effort to avoid Sirius' eyes as he began to rapidly unbutton his shirt.

"You'll have to wear these," Remus said, his voice shaking much more than he would have liked, as he threw the clothes he had just removed in Sirius' direction. Sirius said nothing as he silently pulled Remus' shirt on over his shoulders, and he watched as Remus picked up Regulus' uniform to shove it in a bucket in the corner of the room. Remus turned too quickly and found that he was much closer to Sirius than he expected. Sirius was slowly doing up the buttons of the shirt.

"Will they scar?" Sirius asked and Remus shrugged, his eyes fixed on Sirius' chest as it disappeared beneath the shirt. "Probably…it's hard to tell…I'm not Madam Pomfrey, remember?"

Sirius nodded and looked down as if he noticing for the first time that Remus was topless. In the blue light of the cramped room, Remus could see the peculiar expression that had begun to creep across Sirius' face, his eyes still fixed on Remus' body. Remus blushed hard, unable to say anything, or to move and take up the robes to put back on. Sirius looked up slowly, his eyes narrowed as he speechlessly sought consent. Remus said nothing; his heart was in his throat as he felt Sirius gently press his fingertips to his stomach, his hands tenderly tracing the scars that were there.

"I never noticed," Sirius said, his voice low and dark in the dim light of the cupboard. Remus fought the memory that was drifting through his mind, as he attempted to suppress the thoughts of the time before when Sirius' hand had found his waist. Sirius' eyes were fixed on Remus' face; his fingers exploring, memorising. The lids of Remus' eyes felt heavy. All of a sudden he felt claustrophobic in such a tiny space. His voice was soft and swollen, a shudder clearly hidden behind the words, as he said rather bitterly, "You never would."

Sirius' hand dropped and he turned as though embarrassed. Remus snatched the jumper from Sirius' hand and pulled it on over his head, thankful that he no longer felt so naked in the presence of his friend. He bent down to retrieve his robes from where he had discarded them on the floor and, as he turned to face Sirius once more, he could clearly see the hurt in his friend's face as he said, "Some scars aren't on the outside, Moony."

Remus said nothing and, after Sirius whispered _"Nox"_ to extinguish the light from his wand, Remus leant forward and pulled open the door.

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I really like this chapter and hope you do to. Meanwhile, what has been happening with the other Marauders? Reviews are very much appreciated xxx


	44. Chapter 44

A/N: Wow! Talk about stepping up the excitement a notch or two. The OOTP trailer looks amazing, although I am trying to concerntrate on revising right now (which is SO hard with the hype that's starting to step up.) Anyway, in celebration, here is another chapter for my faithful readers. Thank you so much to those who are reading and reviewing and sticking with me through this. It really is turning out to be a bit of a journey!

Thank you to Meg and Rosie for making sure this makes alot of sense.

Disclaimer: J.K.Rowling has better things to do than submit stories on here. I'm not her, so don't sue.

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As soon as they had looked down at the Marauder's Map and seen that "Peter Pettigrew" was now completely alone within the Gryffindor dormitory, Remus and Sirius had began to run. There had been no time for hurried explanations or mumbled apologies as they had skidded to a halt outside the portrait of the Fat Lady, snapping the password impatiently at her as she tried, and failed, to attract the special attention of Sirius as he stood panting against the frame. As they scrambled inside and rushed up the stairs to the dormitory, Remus had no time to reflect on all that had happened between him and Sirius inside the broom cupboard. He didn't have a chance to question Sirius further; there was no opportunity to ask what had really happened between him and Snape, and as Sirius burst through the door, Remus' heart leapt into his throat as he rushed into the room to see the immobilised figure of Peter, draped across one of the beds.

"Wormtail?" Sirius couldn't conceal the concern in his voice as he knelt down beside the bed and pressed his hand against Peter's cheek. "Peter…Peter, can you hear me?"

"He's been stupefied," Remus said, watching the way that Peter's eyelids twitched before, with a heavy groan, he opened them to see the blurry faces of his friends before him. After attempting to raise his head from the bed, Peter groaned again and, wincing, he mumbled confusedly, "Wha…what's happened? Remus?"

"It's okay, we're here now." Remus placed a hand on Peter's shoulder and Peter seemed somewhat comforted. "You just rest for a little bit, okay?" Peter nodded although it pained him and, after swiftly ascertaining whether or not he had received any more serious injuries, Remus turned his eyes from Peter to Sirius, who was in the process of pulling off the clothes he had borrowed from Remus, and ranting furiously to himself.

"I'm going to kill him!" Sirius flung the shirt across the room so it floated down languorously upon Remus' bed. "I'm going to kill him!"

Choosing to ignore his friend's temper, Remus once again turned his attention to Peter, who was now sitting up, his head on one side with bewilderment.

"I don't know what happened, Moony! One minute I…I was sitting on the bed and the next…" Peter shuddered and Remus automatically extended his hand to console his friend. But Sirius, who was still tearing impatiently at his clothes, interrupted. "Tell me, Wormtail, how was it that Regulus managed to stupefy you when he didn't have his wand?"

Peter floundered under Sirius' interrogation, his mouth falling open as he struggled to answer the question. Remus, too, waited patiently for the response and, after a few moments of staring, Peter shrugged before stammering, "I don't know. He must have…I don't know…got it back without me knowing…"

"You see, Remus!" Sirius snapped, yanking open one of the drawers and retrieving one of his own crumpled shirts to put on. "This is what happens when you leave a complete incompetent half-wit here!"

"That's not fair." Remus' response was restrained as he saw the way Peter's eyes fell to study the blankets beneath him. "There's nothing Wormtail could have done any differently."

"One minute I was sitting on the bed and then…"

"Yes, yes, thank you once again for your half-arsed explanations!" Sirius pushed his hair from his face as he began to pace the dormitory, hands shoved inside his trouser pockets. "For Merlin's sake! We had him, Remus! We had him here, literally waiting for us to ask him what he knew; and you…" Sirius pointed accusatorily at Peter, his eyes flashing dangerously as he continued to speak, "and you completely bollocksed it up!"

"What should we have done, then? Left you in that broom cupboard?" Remus struggled to remain composed as he aimlessly patted Peter on the knee. Sirius scoffed and moved to speak yet, before he could, Remus had pressed on, his voice wavering. "Those injuries were serious...you could have…"

Sirius scoffed again, flinging his head back as he glared up at the ceiling before replying cockily, "As if I would have given them that honour."

"How can you be so flippant about it all?" Remus continued to watch his friend, flabbergasted, the image of Sirius lying unconscious and bleeding on the broom cupboard floor flitting through his mind. Sirius had stopped walking and now appeared to be frozen in the centre of the room, the firelight casting spluttering shadows across his face. "How can you not care that they hurt you …"

"What are you talking about? 'Course I care!" Sirius resumed his pacing and he shook his head at the floor as he continued darkly, "That's why I'm going to make them pay for what they did. I'm going to kill them; Snivellus and that sweet little brother of mine…you wait…"

"Bloody hell, you know that's not what I mean!" Remus' voice had now trespassed into anger and Sirius could clearly hear this as he turned to catch the frustration in his friend's amber eyes. "I didn't have to come to get you, you know that? I didn't have to heal you, all by myself. I should have just taken you to the hospital wing, whether you wanted to go or not."

"Well if I had known you would be so self-righteous about it…" Sirius' response was swift and sour, every word dripped with malice as he continued, "I'd rather you had left me there than have to live with you making me feel like I should be ever so grateful."

Remus said nothing and he saw that Sirius seemed almost disappointed that the argument had to end there. As Remus watched he found himself suddenly remembering how angry he had been with his friend only hours before. He once again saw the hatred that had burned from Sirius' grey eyes as he had leant across the table in the Great Hall and snarled mercilessly, _"We'll see who the child is when she finds out what you really are. Then we'll see if she'll smile at you like that."_ How could he have said something that hurtful? How could Sirius, someone who was supposedly one of his best friends, try to cause him so much pain? He had spoken in front of everyone. He had come dangerously close to hinting at that which Remus tried so desperately to hide. Was this really all because he had kissed Eleanor? Sirius turned his attention back to Remus, who turned away a little too quickly, though not quick enough to hide the angry flush that had spread its way across his cheeks.

Sirius started forward, his eyes fixed on his friend's red face, and Remus tried to ignore Sirius' gaze as he turned to Peter once more. Yet Sirius had seen his look and he was not about to let it go as he advanced and said, "You haven't forgiven me, have you?"

"Why do you care if I've forgiven you or not?" Whatever Remus had intended to say, it was not what he had just said, and he regretted it immediately as he turned to see the way Sirius was still moving towards him.

"I'm sorry Moony…I just…" Sirius faltered. "I just don't know what you want from me."

Remus could no longer control the nauseating anger that was swimming within him and he ventured rhetorically, "How about a little empathy or consideration? Or perhaps a little selflessness; how does that sound to you?"

Vaguely, Remus heard Peter hush beside him, yet it was too late; he no longer cared whether anyone heard them or not. He felt the anger that was coursing within him causing his whole frame to tremble. He could feel the furious heat that he was exuding and as he stood up and took a step towards Sirius, he could almost taste the bitterness of the words he articulated as they passed his lips.

"I'm bored of this! I don't want to do it anymore!" Sirius was frozen but Remus had grown more animated than ever and, flinging his arms either side of him, his voice grew desperate as he said, "You've hurt me, do you understand that? You thought of the most hateful thing you could say to me and then you said it, in front of everyone-"

"Remus…Remus, just stop for a minute and listen to me…"

"No!" Remus snapped, stumbling backwards, away from Sirius' touch. "Don't come near me! I don't want you to apologise. I want you to understand how what you said could have made people realise what…what I am." He had faltered as he finished and now it was Sirius' turn to adopt the heat of words that Remus had just lost.

"Bloody hell Remus, I would never have said anything if I had known just how seriously you would have taken it! I would never say anything to jeopardise your trust in me!"

"How can I believe that after what you said?" Remus was trembling more violently now and he shook his head in an attempt to rid himself of the words he was dangerously close to saying. "How can you stand there and lie to me?"

An edge of laughter tainted Sirius' words as he whispered hoarsely, "I would never lie to you."

Peter had desperately tried to diffuse them, but no words of reason seemed to the reach them now. James had entered mid-argument, flinging his invisibility cloak off of his shoulders, yet neither boy had noticed as Remus continued sourly, "But you have, don't you remember? When you hit Eleanor during the Quidditch match?" All of a sudden Sirius' eyes became threatening as he pointed at Remus and said, his voice shaking, "If you still believe that, Remus, then…" Sirius hesitated and, shrugging dramatically, he said, "Why don't you just ask your new girlfriend what happened?"

All of a sudden it was as though the anger that had bubbled inside Remus suddenly died as he stared coolly into Sirius' eyes. Sirius was red and breathing hard and Remus felt as though something frozen was now slipping through his veins as he said slowly, "She's not my girlfriend."

"Oh!" Sirius exclaimed in mock surprise and, after laughing bitterly to himself, he bowed low before continuing, "Forgive me, Mister Moony, but I always assumed that it was more of a romantic, than a physical, relationship."

"Come on now," James' voice had ventured tentatively, and Sirius had snapped his head round to throw him a look that warned him not to interfere.

"Why can it never be about love?"

Sirius laughed mirthlessly; his eyes were cold and his voice bitter as he replied, "Are you honestly telling me that you're in love with her?" Remus saw the cruel smile die from Sirius' face. He could once again feel Eleanor's body pressed against his; he could feel her lips against his own and he shuddered as this image disappeared, saying coldly, "And if I was, would I not be allowed to be?"

"'Course you are," Peter offered, speaking for the first time since the argument had started.

Sirius moved to reprimand Peter but, somehow, he managed to stop himself. Shaking and moving forward suddenly to grab a set of robes from the pegs, he said, "I'm the wrong person to talk to if you want to talk about love. As you and _you_," he continued, directing the accusation at James, "…have so successfully pointed out, I don't know what it's like to love anyone but myself!"

"Wait, Padfoot, I never meant…" James started as Sirius flew past them all to yank open the window. A blast of cold air extinguished the candles on the bed stands and Remus suddenly felt the familiar sensation of guilt seep into his stomach as the cold crept its way across his skin. Inwardly, Remus swore at himself, annoyed beyond belief that after everything that had happened that day, something inside him would tell him that Sirius should be forgiven.

"Do what you like!" Sirius had suddenly turned, his face seeming almost manic, framed by the blustery drapes as he continued, "Love her, hate her; perform illicit and disgusting acts with her, I don't care!" Sirius lowered his voice and took a step back into the room. "But just remember how much it will hurt you to lie; how much it will kill you to pretend with her every month…like it did with us in the beginning." Remus gulped and, after taking a deep breath, Sirius managed to smile callously before continuing, "I know you, Remus. I know that you won't be able to do it for long. The guilt will be too much. It will rot you from the inside. And I know you'd rather go without something you wanted than have to live with that."

Remus was shaking again, although this time it was with an emotion very different to anger. No longer was he aware of the presence of Peter or James. He could feel the way his chest rose and fell rapidly. His heart, it seemed, wanted to burst through his ribs. A strong, prickling sensation threatened his eyes with tears and as he finally spoke, his voice wavered with the feelings he could barely contain: "You're wrong, Sirius. You've never been more wrong."

Sirius' face fell; as he could clearly hear the sadness shrouded behind Remus' words. Yet he was too proud, too obstinate to say that he was sorry. Remus knew that the true apology would never come and it seemed like there was nothing more Remus could do to save their friendship as Sirius climbed out of the window, and shut himself out in the night.

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Ouch! Let me know what you think. Another update shall follow soon xxx


	45. Chapter 45

A/N: Now I'm usually very good at not changing my mind plotwise halfway through a story, but you must allow me a little room to do so here. Very early on in the story I make a tiny reference to something which I go on to dispute here. It simply makes more sense to do so and it's nothing majoy (in fact some of you might have missed it). So apologies for that.

Thank you for all my lovely reviews. I am feel so worried in regards to Eleanor as a character, simply because I have read so many OFC that are terrible that I really didn't want to do the same. It means alot that some of you like her, regardless of the way she comes between Sirius and Remus, so thank you.

Thank you to Meg and Rosie who help me write things in a less overblown way than I should.

Disclaimer: I am not J.K.Rowling so there is no need to sue!

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Winter had somehow shifted into spring without Remus noticing. The frost, which had so frequently dusted the pathways, had long since transformed into dew, which gathered like glassy droplets on the grass. The last of the snow had fallen weeks ago and now, where there had once been logs and dead leaves coated with white, snowdrops and optimistic crocuses peeped their tentative heads from the ground. Hats and gloves lay forgotten in trunks, although it wasn't quite warm enough to forsake a scarf just yet. The sun's strength was growing, penetrating the silver clouds that rolled slowly overhead with its soft, subtle rays, warming the bed linen in the dormitories. Breath still turned to mist on the early morning air. Occasionally the cold would, even now, find a way to paint cheeks and the tips of ears and noses red. Yet as Remus turned off the pathway and into the centre of the courtyard, he found himself pleasantly warmed by the sun that spilled through the shadowy towers of Hogwarts, and down onto the blinking faces of his friends.

Peter shuffled along the bench to make room for Remus, who, as he took his seat, noticed that, uncharacteristically, all of his friends had their textbooks open, and rolls of parchment balanced precariously on their knees.

"I'm never going to be able to learn all of this…" Peter mumbled pessimistically, his eyes trained on the book in front of him. James sighed, looking up and shielding his eyes from the light, as he turned to Remus and said, "How comes you're not revising?"

Remus moved to answer, but Peter was already speaking, struggling to hold the book open on the page he was looking at. "Moony revised last night in the library. I tried to revise with him, but I just couldn't concentrate."

"Close to dinner time, was it?" Sirius asked coldly, his eyes not moving from the page. Remus said nothing in response, and James merely offered an unenthusiastic laugh. Things hadn't quite been the same since the night Sirius had been attacked. Since then it seemed that all of the Marauders were more than happy to forget about Snape and the Room of Requirement; about Regulus and the Polyjuice Potion; about Voldemort and everything that had happened to Sirius at Grimmauld Place, and everything Lily had said. Sirius had not mentioned exacting revenge or apology and, in some ways, Remus was grateful for the uncertain peace that seemed to have descended amongst the friends, even though he could tell that something had changed. Since that night and their argument, he and Sirius had barely spoken. There had been no reconciliation. They had carried on as if nothing had happened and it felt to Remus as if their friendship had changed somehow. Gone were the lingering moments of intimacy and the teasing remarks. Now, as they sat on the bench beneath the budding tree, sun spilling down and burning their backs through their robes, Remus knew that what had happened that night had changed the way he and Sirius were with one another - possibly forever.

If Sirius recognised this too, he was choosing to ignore it as he shut his book and leant back, arms behind his head. His eyes were studying the faces of students as they passed and, after a moment or two of silence, he sighed to himself before saying, "Bloody hell, I'm so bored."

"We have to study though, Padfoot. This test Slughorn decided to spring on us…" James trailed off as he saw Lily suddenly appear from the cloisters and walk into the sunlit courtyard. Remus smiled to himself as James became silently interested in his textbook once more. They, too, had hardly spoken since they had argued in the dormitory, and Remus could sense the embarrassment James felt now, as Lily stood directly in front of them, hands in pockets.

"Alright, Evans?" Sirius mumbled up to her; Lily replied with a light toss of her head. James' embarrassment was making Peter nervous, and as he shuffled the parchment he was holding, one end came loose and fell, unfurling itself on the ground. Both Lily and James moved at once to help Peter to gather it and found themselves suddenly level with one another; Lily blushed first and, standing quickly, she turned to Remus and said, "Can I have a word in private?"

James scoffed. "Can't trust us now?" Remus expected Lily to retort with something cutting, yet her face remained passive as she answered slowly, "Of course I can - but this has nothing to do with anyone but Remus."

James went to speak but Sirius interrupted, gathering his books to him and standing with the words, "Come on, I'm tired of revising anyway." James nodded sulkily and stood up, yet Peter hesitated, waiting for Sirius' command. Finally it came as, with a dramatic roll of his eyes, Sirius turned to Peter and said, "Come on then, I'm starving."

Remus watched as Peter scurried off after James and Sirius. Lily sat down beside him. A sudden breeze chased itself around the courtyard and Remus retrieved the scarf he had discarded on the bench and tied it tightly around his throat. Lily had opened her bag and pulled out her copy of _Advanced Potion-Making_, and was now nervously turning the pages and saying, "I need your help with something. What I mean is, I'm not sure of something and I wanted to ask you…and it doesn't say anything about it in here…just in case it comes up on the test…" Lily smiled nervously and Remus, not understanding her smile, replied simply, "I never thought you'd need anyone's help with Potions."

"It's not really help, it's just…" Lily hesitated, jiggling the textbook on her knees. She swallowed hard and looked up, wincing into the sunlight as she said quietly, "I just wanted to make sure that I had the properties of Wolfsbane Potion right."

Her words hit Remus hard and, stunned by their impact, he could barely bring himself to turn away, however much he knew that he should. _Lily knows…Lily knows_ kept running through his mind; this was the only thought that was running through his mind. Someone had told her and now she had sent the others away to find out whether or not it was true. Then she would decide that he was too dangerous, too disgusting to remain friends with…and she would tell others, and they would tell their parents and then he would be made to leave Hogwarts forever. Everything Remus had ever dreaded was suddenly brought into sharp focus as he looked helplessly into Lily's narrowed green eyes and, as the true reality of what she was really asking eventually hit him, Remus found himself turning his eyes away from hers and staring fixedly at the grass beneath his feet.

"No one told me, Remus. I guessed," Lily said, her voice barely above a whisper as she continued her study of his face. Remus shuddered and closed his eyes, willing himself, as hard as he could, away from this place and away from the moment when he would lose her friendship for good. Yet Lily had not left him; she had not yet risen to her feet and shrieked at him for being what she had discovered him to be and, instead, her voice was gentle and earnest as she continued slowly, "I suppose that James and Peter and Sirius know…and Madam Pomfrey too, more than likely. And Dumbledore…he must know…" Lily was talking to herself as if Remus' presence didn't matter at all, yet she now addressed him directly, asking, "Is there anyone else? Anyone else here, at Hogwarts, that knows?"

Moving for the first time since Lily had began to speak, Remus shook his head. The movement made him shudder and still he could not bring himself to open his eyes - if he opened his eyes it would somehow make it more real; it would mean that he was accepting the loss of someone who he had previously looked upon as a friend. Yet Lily, who, mystifyingly, had still not left him, reached out and placed her hand on top of Remus'. It was this gesture that caused Remus to suppress his self-disgust and open his eyes; then he saw, to his astonishment, that Lily's eyes were soft with tears as she said, "This doesn't change anything to me. This could never change the person that you are in my eyes."

"But," Remus said breathlessly, almost unable to believe what Lily was saying. "But this _does_ make me different…it makes me…something else."

"You're still my friend, Remus. And if this…other thing is, and has always been, there, then it's just part of the person that I like and respect." Remus swallowed hard, not daring to close his eyes again in case everything that Lily was saying turned out to just be a figment of his imagination.

"But I'm not…Lily, I'm not safe…"

Lily laughed and the tears that had laced her eyes before seemed to disappear as she withdrew her hand and asked merrily, "Would I be sitting with you now if you weren't?"

Remus couldn't help but laugh. Lily didn't seem to understand what he was saying. She should have been deserting him and yet she had remained. Remus felt cold as he remembered the words Sirius had spoken in the Great Hall and, after taking a deep breath, he asked, "Did you work it out from what Sirius said?"

"That did sort of…finalise things in my mind. Everything began to make sense then." Remus nodded. Lily was a perceptive and intelligent girl and it was no great surprise that she had been able to put two and two together, and come up with the right answer. However, the fact that it had been what Sirius had said that had made her realise, only made it worse. Were it not for Sirius, Lily would never have known about his lycanthropy, but while Remus still could not forgive Sirius for that, he felt a little more certain now that Lily could be trusted to keep his secret.

"Test me then," Lily said, thrusting the book she had opened into Remus' hands. She flicked her hair back and breathed up at the sky, her hands resting neatly in her lap before she continued, "I'm still not a hundred percent certain on the different types of snake venom."

Remus scanned his eyes over the index and, after finding the relevant page, he hesitated and looked at the girl beside him. Her cheeks were flushed with the chilly breeze that had blown more frequently as they had talked; her eyes were studying the sky above. She wasn't afraid or uncertain. She had not looked at him with mingled terror and disgust. She had treated him with pity, pity Remus could not remember experiencing previously, before ignoring what she knew completely, as though it really didn't matter.

"Thank you," Remus said and Lily turned her eyes to him and smiled.

"You've got nothing to thank me for." Extending her hand, she tapped the tip of her finger on the open page before saying, "Now, test me."

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I had said in a very early chapter that Lily already knew about Remus' lycanthropy. This did not work in terms of the story so I changed it. I hope you can all see why. Reviews and opinions are encouraged and appreciated xxx


	46. Chapter 46

A/N: I have emailed the support here to tell them about the problems about emails and alerts and such. I'm still not getting any of my reviews sent to my inbox. Is anyone getting emailed and alerted when I update this? Just wondering...

Thank you for my reviews. As usual they made me smile alot. I have just written chapter seventy five and I'm now at 126,000 words. I really hope that those of you who are reading will stick with me until the end. It makes me sad that as I'm writing I am about a week into the summer term and am gradually getting closer to the end. I really hope you've all liked what I've done so far.

Anyway, back to the story in hand. We go back to Remus of the present now who is gradually becoming consumed with grief.

Thanks to Meg and Rosie who help me out in so many ways.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters I merely play with them. No need to sue.

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Lily's smile had always been infectious. Even Sirius, with all his obstinate refusals and petulant mistrust, had been helpless. James had never tried to put up much of a fight. Even in the days when she had ignored him and claimed that he annoyed her, he had never once denied the smile that always seemed to consume him when she came into his presence. Wherever she walked it was as if she brought a sort of sunlight with her. It could transcend any hatred, even that of someone like Snape, and mirrored in others the same inner beauty that, with so little effort, Lily always exuded. She had always been a light to all of them - even in the darkest of days.

Time has been lost in the hours Remus has spent slowly making his way from Hogwarts to Grimmauld Place, from downstairs to upstairs, and, somehow, Remus cannot shake the feeling that every step he has taken today has been leading him here. From somewhere outside he hears a car alarm sound; its irritatingly high-pitched whirring breaks the stillness of the room and the sense of timelessness that seems to have descended as he looked into the mirror. Without thinking, Remus bends and turns his attention to the fireplace, which is blackened and burnt of all warmth. The ashes have yet to be cleared from the grate. The dustpan and brush lie disregarded on the surround and, as Remus picks them up and stoops to clear the charred remains, his attention is caught by a square tin box, hidden at the back of the cavity.

Out of habit, Remus glances over his shoulder to make sure he is alone, suddenly feeling for the first time since entering the bedroom that he is an intruder. Yet he knows that Sirius is not here to reprimand him. There is no one to tell him that what he is doing is wrong and, after swallowing the guilt that is rising in his stomach and threatening to make him leave and return to his own room, Remus puts down the dustpan and brush and retrieves the tin.

The cold of the house - a cold that Remus hasn't felt for months, suddenly freezes him and as he clutches the tin tightly, he doesn't give a second thought to drawing his wand and, aiming it at the fireplace, whispering "_Incendio"._

Remus is warm then, warmer than he has been for months. The fragile lamplight that had seemed so insipid is now consumed with a flickering heat that sends waves of shadow across the room. Remus places the tin down on the fireplace and extends his hands towards the heat. The fire warms his fingertips and then his palms, and it is not long before he can feel the pleasurable warmth seeping up the length of his arms.

He sighs and closes his eyes, allowing his head to fall back as the heat of the fire consumes him. No longer does Remus seek solace in the cold; it is this heat that melts the pain away. As he opens his eyes he allows his robes to fall from his shoulders and for the tendrils of heat to embrace his body through his shirt. Too long has he hidden his grief in the winter; too long has he concealed his pain in the cold. The firelight makes the room appear so different; glazed with the shimmering shades of shadow and light. Remus is comforted by the fire that he has resurrected and, without hesitation, he reaches forward and presses down on the tin so that the lid springs open.

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Reviews make me smile. Please feel free to leave one xxx


	47. Chapter 47

A/N: Bloody hell! Came online and it seems that might have just sorted out the problem as I had alot of emails all at once. Thank you to those of you who reviewed; some of you looking out on here as the email alerts weren't working. It means alot to me.

I have written SO much of this in the past few days and it has been exhausting. It's getting to the exciting bits now and I'm begining to tie off all the loose ends, which is hard when you can't remember where the loose ends are...Anyway, back to now, and the Marauders have an interesting conversation outsides Potions.

Thanks to Meg and Rosie and all the others that help me out with this.

Disclaimer: I don't profess to own these, I merely borrow them. No need to sue.

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The groans of the pupils that filed out of the Potions classroom told Remus that Slughorn's surprise test had not gone down well. Peter was shaking his head, reciting question twelve over and over under his breath - much to the annoyance of James, who was, to all intents and purposes, trying his best to forget it. In Remus' opinion it hadn't been that bad, although he had been the only one of the Marauders that had bothered to revise at all the night before. Question twelve, which seemed to now be haunting Peter to such an extent that he nearly walked straight into McGonagall as she rushed down the corridor, had not been a problem; not nearly as much so as question seven. James' bleak expression told Remus all he needed to know about how well he had fared, and Sirius, who was making every effort to catch the eye of a slender Slytherin, Amelia Bennet, that had pressed a little too closely against him as she had squeezed past him through the door, smiled to himself before, flinging his arm around James and squeezing tightly, he said, "Anyone would think that you actually cared about Potions."

James shrugged off Sirius' arm impatiently and grumbled, "I don't…it's just…well…we're NEWT students now, aren't we?"

Sirius shuddered as he pushed his hair away from his face, his eyes flickering in Remus' direction.

"I didn't know being a swot was contagious..." James' face was still thunderous, but Remus tried to smile. Sirius had turned too swiftly; he did not see the concession that Remus had attempted to make for he had resumed his study of the Slytherin girl. James followed his eyes and, after sneering loud enough for them all to hear, he snapped, "I can't actually believe that you're thinking of…" He trailed off and Sirius raised an eyebrow surreptitiously; James continued in more hushed tones than before, "You can't seriously be thinking of _entertaining_ her?"

Peter snorted; James' face dropped as though he were genuinely at a loss to understand what could possibly be so funny. Sirius looked down, shaking his head as Peter controlled the laughter that threatened to surface. Remus struggled to remain impassive, his eyes flitting between the faces of his friends as he waited for Sirius to speak. Although he was thankful, to a certain degree, that they were ignoring their argument, Remus couldn't help but fear that this would only prove to worsen the tension between them. James and Peter had carefully made sure, in the days following that nigh, that Sirius and Remus had avoided each other's company as much as possible. The group had been divided, only meeting for classes and meal-times in order to avoid the fall-out from the falling-out. Yet now, as everything appeared to be somewhat back to normal, Remus couldn't help but feel that it was only a matter of time before it all fell apart, and this careful reconstruction of some level of friendship would all mean nothing in the end. Besides, Remus was also worried that perhaps they were all ignoring the issue - along with the problem of Snape and Regulus - to their own disadvantage; a possibility that was brought more sharply to Remus' attention as Snape slid out from behind them and skulked off down the corridor. Immediately, James' displeasure at Sirius was forgotten as he watched Lily scurrying off after Snape, her Potions book open before her as the two of them began to dissect the test they had just taken.

"That slimy, greasy, snivelling, pathetic, cowardly…" James began to mumble incoherently, his eyes fixed on the corner the pair had just disappeared around, his fists balled tightly by his sides. Sirius rested back against the wall, his attention only half on James as he offered, "Spineless?"

"…spineless, disgusting, nauseating excuse for a human being!" James ended, taking a deep breath. Peter patted his back triumphantly with the words "Nice one, Prongs", but James either didn't hear him or didn't care; he turned his attention back to Sirius and said snappishly, "I can't believe you've already forgotten what he did to you."

James had broached the subject that Remus had been dying to, and he watched Sirius' face closely as he formulated his response, his light eyes flickering with something deadly as his lips curled into a smile. There was something about the way he was leaning back against the wall, his smile unwavering as he shrugged indifferently, that made Remus certain that the truth of the matter was unclear. His smile was too fixed and his gestures too flippant and Remus knew that whatever Sirius was about to say would only reveal half the truth of what he was really thinking.

"Oh, I haven't forgotten, it's just that…" Sirius paused and his eyes once more roamed to where the Slytherin girl was standing, absorbed in deep conversation with her friends. James followed his eyes and sighed dramatically; his voice was strained as he tried to whisper, "Are you seriously going to go with a Slytherin?"

"Yeah, Padfoot," Peter piped up, his face contorting with disgust. "I thought you said that all Slytherins were pure-blood ponces?"

Sirius shrugged nonchalantly as he swept his hair from his eyes and said suggestively, "There are exceptions to every rule." Sirius moved to join the girl he had been eyeing but, in one last, desperate attempt to make him stay, Remus started forward and asked without thinking, "What about Marianne?"

Sirius halted and turned so fast that Remus was a little shocked to find himself standing face to face with his friend. He couldn't be certain, but Remus was sure he had heard James laugh as he had spoken, and now Sirius was looking at him with one eyebrow raised. Remus stood firm, fighting the urge to blush under Sirius' scrutiny and, after a moment of speechlessness, Sirius tore his eyes from Remus to glance at James and wink. There it was again; the laughter; the laughter of a friend who knew something that Remus did not and, with a slight toss of his head, Sirius said lightly, "Let's just say that she was unequal to the task."

A multitude of unwanted images flashed through Remus' mind; images that meant he could no longer fight the blush he had been struggling to repress. In an attempt to rid his mind of these thoughts, Remus brushed his hair back brusquely; yet, unable to avoid the mirth that was etched in every line of Sirius' face, he faltered as he tried to speak; "But…what…what are you saying?"

Once again, from somewhere behind them, Remus heard James laugh, but Sirius' face was inscrutable. In an instant, he had gone from being mocking to being completely unreadable and it frustrated Remus that in these moments, he was almost impossible to fathom. His voice was controlled and low, every word as deadpan as he said, "What I'm saying is that there's only room for one consummate virgin…" Sirius stopped talking as his attention was caught by a figure that had begun to approach. His expression broke and he gave a sharp bark of laughter before, flicking his head in the direction he was looking, every inch of his voice taunting, as he said, "Or maybe I've got it all wrong?"

Remus turned, starting at the sight of Eleanor standing before him. He dropped the books he had been carrying, and he heard Sirius laugh again as Eleanor dropped to her knees to help him pick them up. His cheeks were burning and his mind was whirring as he suddenly became aware of the amount of time that had passed since he and Eleanor had spoken. Enough had happened to make Remus easily forget that he had kissed her; that he, the introverted, restrained, and the most self-deprecating of all the Marauders, had forgotten the person that he thought he was and, for the briefest of moments, had become the person that he most wanted to be. Yet now, as Eleanor smiled reassuringly and Sirius and James continued to chuckle behind them, Remus knew that any pleasure he had derived from their encounter had been forgotten along with the sudden confidence that had caused him to seize her in the first place.

"Come on, Potter, let's go," Sirius said, pulling James towards him after seeing that the Slytherin girl had long since disappeared. Sirius said something to James, too low for Remus to hear, and James laughed before digging his elbow into Sirius' side as if to stop him from saying anything further. Peter was the last to go, and his smile was almost apologetic as he left Eleanor and Remus standing together in the rapidly clearing corridor. It was nearly the end of the day; most classes had finished over fifteen minutes ago and it was hours until dinner. Any excuse Remus thought of using to avoid the conversation he and Eleanor were about to have seemed pathetic, and as she shifted nervously on her feet before him, Remus noticed the way she was wringing her over-sized Quidditch shirt between her hands.

"Just had practice?" Remus asked eventually and Eleanor smiled and nodded, her cheeks still flushed from the air outside. Maybe it was her silence that forced him to continue, or maybe it was the sudden absence of his friends; but whatever it was, Remus suddenly found himself melting, warmed by Eleanor's awkwardness and the shafts of dying sunlight that fell soundlessly across the corridor through the leaded glass.

"Do you want to…?"

Eleanor's hopeful eyes were upon him and at once Remus faltered. He smiled, more to restore his self-confidence than rather to reassure her, and, after a moment or two of silence, found it within himself to finish with, "Do you want to go somewhere to talk?"

"Yeah…that sounds good to me," Eleanor said eventually, and after they'd stood for a moment without moving, Remus suddenly took the initiative, and strode purposefully off down the corridor.

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I hope you are all still liking Eleanor. I don't want to make her irritating as I am quite fond of her. Reviews and opinions encouraged and appreciated. xxx


	48. Chapter 48

A/N: Phew! Have been very busy lately what with exams and a new job to boot, but I'm finally back to updating this. I promise that I fully intend to have this story up in full before DH comes out, so expect the updates to be thick and fast over the next few months.

Thank you once again to all those wonderful people that are reviewing. It means more to me than you all know to have people enjoying this as much as I do.

Back to the story: will Remus let himself have what he thinks he wants?

Thanks to Meg and Rosie who help me so much with this.

Disclaimer: JK Rowling created the wonderful world of Hogwarts and all the characters. I didn't. No need to sue.

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As they entered the Astronomy Tower, Remus found that neither of them could initially speak. The climb up the many flights of stairs had, somehow, not become easier over the years - as much as the Astronomy teacher in their first year had assured them that it would - and as Remus pushed open the door to the room that he knew would be empty, he was surprised that Eleanor still had any breath left to speak at all as she turned to him and said, "When you said that we should go somewhere to talk, I was thinking somewhere just down the hallway…"

"Oh, right…" Remus glanced around, the gentle ticking of the golden apparatus filling the momentary silence that descended between them. This was the first place he had thought of when he realised that they would need to be alone. This was, after all, the place that, in the past, had always fit the bill. Yet suddenly Remus felt embarrassed at sharing this place with her. They'd been climbing the stairs in silence for longer than Remus would have wanted and now that they had arrived at their destination, Remus couldn't help but feel horribly pathetic as he watched Eleanor's eyes follow the orbs that were gently dancing on the air.

"I'm sorry," Remus suddenly apologised and Eleanor, raising an eyebrow as though she didn't understand, shrugged and shook her head before saying, "Don't be sorry, it's alright. It's kind of nice here, isn't it?" Eleanor smiled, her eyes once again drawn to the clicking machinery. "I mean, you don't really notice it in lesson times, do you? I'm always just desperately trying to stay awake…" Remus laughed at this and Eleanor rewarded him with a smile. "But now, with no-one here, it's sort of…beautiful?"

Remus nodded, enthused by the fact that Eleanor was seeing the Astronomy Tower as the sanctuary he had always considered it to be. Without thinking, Remus held out his hand to Eleanor and, as soon as he felt her take it, he began to guide her up the spiralling staircase to the balcony above.

"I've always found it comforting to come here and just sit listening to the machines. I think it's fascinating to have all this equipment that is so precise in measuring something that's always changing. I don't really like Astronomy as a subject; as you said, it's kind of boring…" They had reached the upper level, yet Remus had forgotten to let go of Eleanor's hand. Instead, he continued to speak as though he was helpless to keep the words from flowing; the potent combination of the gentle stillness of the tower and the warmth of the optimistic early spring sun causing him to forget the awkwardness that was, surely, supposed to exist between them. "But I've always enjoyed coming here to be alone, to think."

"You're really not like other boys, are you?" Eleanor said, and Remus immediately stopped talking and moved to withdraw his hand. Yet Eleanor grasped it firmly so he could not retract it and, tutting impatiently and shaking her head, she laughed before saying, "I meant it in a good way. I like it…that's what I meant."

Remus stammered something that sounded like a thanks before finally drawing his hand away from hers to sit down with his back against one of the large sandstone pillars. Eleanor followed suit and both were surprised to find the stone beneath them had been warmed by the sun.

"So, how was the test?"

Remus turned, a little confused that she should be aware of a test that she had not taken.

"I heard some others from your class talking about it. Hard, was it? Slughorn can be tough sometimes…"

"It was alright, actually. I only ever get really worried about tests when I haven't revised."

"And you don't strike me as someone who doesn't revise."

Remus blushed, again embarrassed by his complete lack of mystery. Was he really so transparent? He was relatively new to all this; to sitting and talking to a girl that, for all he knew, could be his girlfriend without him knowing it. All he really had to go on was the fleeting feelings he had had for girls in the past; feelings that had embarrassed him and made him feel uncomfortable; feelings he had swiftly learned to ignore. Of course, there was always James as an example; James and his constant, unwavering devotion to a girl who had for years claimed that she despised him. Maybe the way Lily and James were with one another was a better example of how he should be behaving, yet the more Remus thought about it, the more convinced he became that maybe they were not a suitable point for comparison.

And - of course - there was always Sirius. Remus winced inwardly at the thought of Sirius being a model he should follow in his conduct with the opposite sex. Sirius who had, only an hour ago, made it implicitly clear that constancy and monogamy were not things that he made any effort to practice. Remus shifted and stared fixedly at his hands as he placed them on his knees. Clearly, when it came to his friends setting any kind of romantic example, the cause was, well and truly, a lost one.

"So…" Eleanor ventured finally, breaking the silence that had dragged out for far too long between them. Remus glanced up and saw that Eleanor had cocked her head to one side and was now giving him a peculiar look. Uncomfortable, Remus looked away to the orbs that were gently floating on the air below them. He could tell by the way Eleanor shimmied a little closer that there was no way to escape whatever was going to follow.

"Are we…are we going to talk about what happened?"

Remus swallowed hard, but didn't succeed in clearing his throat, and nodded silently. Eleanor gave a small laugh, which caused Remus to turn to look at her and see as she slipped her hands inside the sleeves of her jumper. "You just don't seem very talkative."

"No, no." Remus' voice was impatient as it suddenly dawned on him that if he wasn't very careful then he could lose that which he'd always thought he would never have. "I just feel like…" Remus paused, uncertain whether or not Eleanor would want to listen to what he had to say. Yet she had not interrupted or lost her temper as before. Instead, she had leant towards him, her eyes fixed on his face, imploring him to carry on; her very silence encouraging. Taking a deep breath, Remus nodded slowly before continuing, "I just feel like what happened between us was just so…so…"

"So what?" Eleanor asked nervously. She had lost all the awkward agitation of earlier and now, as she sat beside him, Remus felt even more uncomfortable than he had when she'd approached him in front of his friends. Here, there would be no distractions. Here, they were entirely alone, a fact of which Remus now became horribly aware. As he saw the way Eleanor's lips curled at the corners into an optimistic smile, Remus found himself shaking his head. A strange notion suddenly seized him: that this was not real; that these things were not happening to him and he would blink and find himself listening to a story being told by another boy in his year. How he had succeeded in attracting the attentions of the pretty, blonde-haired Ravenclaw Chaser, and managed to hold her interest despite every effort being made to cock it up, was beyond him; and when he felt Eleanor reach down in an attempt to take his hand in hers, Remus' uneasy laughter broke the silence as he moved his hand away.

"What is it?" Eleanor's smile had disappeared and now her face held a curious look of concern Remus hadn't encountered before. This was not the concern of a teacher or guardian; nor the reprimanding concern of a parent. Nor was it the concern of a friend, who is unsure and uneasy in their attempts to comfort. This concern was something else entirely and, as Remus lifted his eyes to watch the dust dance in the afternoon sunlight, he couldn't help but laugh again before, pounding the ground beside him in frustration, he turned back to Eleanor and said, "This just all feels so odd! I can't help but listen to the voices in my head that keep telling me that these sorts of things don't happen to me!"

She nodded slowly and pushed an idle lock of hair behind her ear, then sighed heavily before venturing, "Do you think that maybe…" She hesitated and Remus found himself holding his breath, waiting for her to continue. "Don't you think that perhaps you're thinking like that because you don't _want_ these things to happen?"

Her voice had been uncertain and all at once Remus felt guilty. He had never meant to confuse her with his insecure ramblings. He had never intended to make her feel uncomfortable or as uncertain as he felt himself. Maybe Sirius was right; maybe his way of thinking was contagious. His self-doubt could be paralysing sometimes and yet - Remus thought back to the day below the tree; the day he had kissed her in the rain. He hadn't let the moment escape him and it had been he, Remus Lupin, who had reached out and kissed her.

Eleanor had not spoken since she had asked the question and she was now staring at the ground in silence. Remus couldn't help but notice that she looked a little tired; some of the joyful flightiness had disappeared from her eyes. A certain amount of confidence seemed to be, if only momentarily, escaping her. She appeared a little changed from the girl he had first met beneath the canopy beside the Quidditch pitch and the sharp, stabbing pain in Remus' stomach appeared to be suggesting that maybe it had something to do with him.

Eleanor turned as she felt Remus take her hand in his and squeeze it, his thumb pressing reassuringly against her palm. She exhaled deeply and Remus realised for the first time that she, too, had been holding her breath. Her eyes, all at once, were more hopeful and her optimism was evident as she said tentatively, "I think…or hope that you like me, Remus. However much you might curl in on yourself when you're with your friends; whatever you might say to me. I think…" She paused as she slipped her fingers between his and clasped his hand tight. "…I know that you like me."

"Yes," Remus said breathlessly. "Yes, I do."

Eleanor smiled and Remus' heart tightened within his chest as he realised just how attractive he found her. Her hair was now shorter than when he last saw her, but it still tumbled down over her shoulders in pleasant waves. Her complexion was clear and her cheeks were a little flushed; and Remus found that he was transfixed by the way Eleanor pressed her lips together and gently kissed the back of his hand.

It was then that Remus laughed, the tension forgotten and relief flooding over him, dampening whatever guilt or uncertainty he had previously been feeling. The worry of the weeks since he had seen her evaporated, the stress and strain that had weighed heavily upon him since his argument with Sirius disappeared and as he allowed himself to laugh, Remus felt, for perhaps the first time in his life, just how ridiculous all his anxiety actually was.

"So," Remus said, eventually managing to control his laughter. He smiled, resting back against the pillar they were sitting beside. "What do we do now?"

Eleanor drew breath and, after shrugging aimlessly, she raised an eyebrow, smiled and said, "We talk."

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Reviews and responses are actively encouraged. Let me know what you think xxx


	49. Chapter 49

A/N: The expression "you can't win them all" comes to mind. I'm sorry if the last chapter wasn't up to what some of you have come to expect but I do very much take on board the constructive criticism (rather than the random abuse, which doesn't really tell me anything!). I do understand if the last chapter was a bit frustrating and therefore appeared tedious, but hopefully by reading it in context with the chapters that follow it will seem less so and more in-keeping with the overall plot.

So, without further ado, read on. Maybe you'll find that Remus will finally be able to reconcile all the conflicting feelings within him and allow himself to be happy...at least for the moment...

Thank you to Megan and Rosie who help me on the grammatical path to enlightenment.

Disclaimer: I don't claim to own Harry Potter. That pleasure belong to J.K.Rowling. No need to sue.

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"I was seven - a late starter, I think, although really, considering the circumstances, I don't suppose that's too surprising. Anyway, I was sitting in my living room with this woman my parents used to leave me with when they went out, and I absolutely hated her. She used to scare me… well, really it was her wig that used to scare me. Trust me when I say that it wasn't a good one! So I was sitting on the floor and she was shouting at me to pick something up…and I remember looking at her and thinking just how much I wished she would leave me alone, and the next thing I know, her wig is on fire and she's running around the room, shrieking!"

Remus laughed as he imagined the scene and Eleanor, who had been speaking for at least five minutes without interruption, chuckled lightly before continuing, "My parents' faces when they came back! I don't know what I expected, but I don't think I've ever seen my mum look so proud. It was a shock to me. I don't know why they thought they couldn't tell me that mum was a witch; just in case I didn't inherit it, I suppose. But it became clear that it was definitely something that ran in our family. By the time Sidney was born, it was little surprise that he should be magical too." Eleanor hesitated and, shrugging, ended, "I'm lucky, really; the way it happened…the way my parents are…" She paused, one eyebrow arched with amusement as she added, "Although I don't think the wig-lady ever recovered."

Remus assumed that they had long missed dinner; the Astronomy Tower was shrouded in twilight. The hopeful sun still clung to some areas in the tower, but the flames of the torches had silently spluttered alight and now hissed lowly in the gold and purple darkness. She had said to talk and they had, for hours; and even though Remus' stomach grumbled with hunger, he had ignored it in favour of her company. She had finished her story and now, as she leant backwards and rested her head casually against Remus' shoulder, he felt her yawn softly before asking, "What about you?"

"Well, it was never really a surprise, not for my dad. It would be different for your mum, being Muggle-born, wouldn't it? I can see how that would be more uncertain. I suppose the real shock was when my mum found out that my dad was a wizard. I'm not sure when he told her, some time before they got married, but I do know that it took her a while to get used to the idea."

"But she loved him…despite all that?" Eleanor asked. She shifted her head as she spoke, and Remus' nostrils filled with the pleasant scents of her hair. He was a little confused at her question; what was she implying? But as if she could hear his thoughts, Eleanor cleared her throat before continuing earnestly, "No, that sounded different to how I meant it. What I mean is I always think it's really amazing that love can overcome things like that. Dad's devoted to Mum, although I've never really thought of asking about how he took the news. Finding out that the man or woman you think you've known…you've never really known at all…and loving them nonetheless…" Remus couldn't help but tense, her words having so much more significance to him than she could ever possibly realise. "I respect that."

Remus nodded, unable to bring himself to speak, his mind still considering her words. There was no way that she could know what they might mean to Remus; that it could give him so much hope. She had, of course, been speaking of something else entirely, yet it had inspired a hope in Remus that he couldn't ignore. Even though he had told Sirius that he was wrong when he accused him of not having it in him to lie, to lead Eleanor along and not tell her what he really was, and why he had to disappear every month, he had doubted it until now; but as Eleanor had spoken, Remus had felt himself grow more confident. Maybe, just maybe, he had it within himself to do this. Maybe, just maybe, he would really prove Sirius wrong.

"I've never really thought about it like that," Remus said. As he looked down at her face, pressed against his shoulder, Remus saw Eleanor smile before answering, "Perhaps you should."

Suddenly, Eleanor scurried forwards on her knees and turned to face Remus, whose brow furrowed in confusion. Titling her head to the side and sending her hair tumbling down over one shoulder, Eleanor smiled before, without warning, she leant forwards, placed her hands either side of his face, and drew him towards her, kissing him hard. Eleanor giggled, moving back as Remus, struggling to understand what had just happened, blinked uncertainly before asking, "Wh…what was that for?"

Eleanor shrugged and Remus could feel himself blushing as she knelt before him, and placed both of her hands flat upon his knees.

"Do I really have to explain myself?" Her smile was surreptitious and, even in the ever-changing darkness of the Astronomy Tower, Remus could clearly understand her meaning. Yet before Eleanor had the chance to do anything further, Remus had risen to his feet, narrowly avoiding knocking heads with her. As he stood, shifting nervously on his feet, he mumbled swiftly, "Well, we better be going. It's late…how late?" Remus pushed up his sleeve to read the time and found, much to his annoyance, that his wrist was bare. "It's late enough, anyway. The prefects will be about soon, if they're not already."

Eleanor sighed as she too stood up, stretching her arms above her head and yawning hard. Remus rubbed the naked flesh of his wrist absently, trying to remember just exactly where he had left his watch, and Eleanor took his distraction as an opportunity to close the distance between them. Remus fought every urge in his body to push her away; her sudden advancement had startled him and now, as he found himself trapped between her and the pillar, Remus stole hopeful glances at the door to the tower below. Eleanor laughed to herself, her eyes fixed determinedly on Remus' face as she whispered, "Looking for ways to escape?"

Her body was so warm and so close to his; so little distance remained between them, and Remus could not even flinch away as he felt her raise her arms, and drape them over his shoulders. Remus felt his heels scrape against the stone and he knew that there was nowhere else that he could go. _Maybe he should have ducked under her arms as she had raised them, _he suddenly thought, feeling the way Eleanor's fingers brushed gently at the back of his neck. _Maybe he should have left long ago and joined the other Marauders for dinner,_ he thought, as he felt the toes of her shoes touch against his own. _Maybe he should have taken her somewhere other than the Astronomy Tower,_ he thought, as he smiled to mask his anxiety. _Maybe he shouldn't be there at all_…

Remus had felt nervous and anxious before, but on no other occasion could he remember it feeling as delightful as this. His heart was racing, his legs felt weak and, if he wasn't extremely careful, Remus could feel an uncomfortable heat stirring in the pit of his stomach, and plunging swiftly downwards. He was swaying into her. Her arms seemed suddenly all the tighter about his neck as he felt his chest touch tentatively against hers. Even through their many layers, Remus could clearly feel every tempting curve of her body pressed against him and he knew, for a fact, that if he placed his hands around her waist, he would feel the warmth of the flesh beneath. Imagined touches had become a reality and, before he could fully realise what he was doing, Remus' hands had found her hips.

"W…wait…wait." Remus found that he was speaking, his voice weak with the heat that surrounded them. Eleanor drew back a little, although her eyes remained glazed with a strange mistiness as she waited patiently for Remus to speak. Finally, after steadying his breathing and finding his voice, Remus managed a small smile before confessing helplessly, "I've never really…well…" A deep blush caused him to hesitate and, after cursing himself under his breath, he finished, "I don't really have any experience at this sort of…erm…thing."

Remus was embarrassed; although he was relatively uneducated in the way girls' minds worked, he was almost certain that this sort of naivety was not welcome. Yet Eleanor, as always, did not fail to surprise him, and he watched, fascinated, as she slowly passed her tongue over her dry lips before replying, "There are some things that you're born with, and some things you learn."

Remus shook his head, more in an attempt to draw his mind away from the desire he felt to kiss her now damp mouth than to clarify her words, as he asked, "And what is this?"

Eleanor shrugged, her eyebrows arching flirtatiously, before rolling her eyes. For a moment, she said nothing, allowing the silence to grow tense between them. It was too much for Remus and although his mind formed a thousand protests, it was clear that his body was betraying him. He moved one hand from her hip and began to idly twist a lock of her hair around his finger. As she exhaled, Remus could feel the warmth of her breath wash over his face. The hand that had remained on her hip now moved, finding its way to the small of her back, which seemed so concave compared to the rest of her body. Finally, it seemed that Eleanor had decided that the silence had lingered long enough and, after straightening the collar of his shirt, she blinked slowly up at him and said, "For someone who doesn't say much, you really don't know when to stop talking."

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Hope that one did as good as job as I intended it to. With all this recent hetrosexuality, anyone would think I'd forgotten it's slash. I haven't, never fear. Let me know what you think xxx


	50. Chapter 50

A/N: Hello there! Today is a particularly miserable day in Canterbury amd I simply had to stop revising; the medieval allegory was getting to me. Anyway, thank you to all of those who are reading, enjoying and reviewing. I'm glad that I redeemed myself in the last chapter; don't want to start going of the boil.

As a treat I have decided to upload two chapters. This is partially because I need to pick up the rate of uploads in order to get it all up before the 21st July. Oh well, hopefully this will make some of you who are enjoying this happy.

Let's see what Remus and Eleanor have been up to, shall we?

A hug thanks to Meg and Rosie. They know what for by now.

Disclaimer: I wish I owned them sometimes. I merely borrow them. No need to sue.

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They had run as fast as they could down the spiralling staircase from the Astronomy Tower and along the deserted corridors. Remus had completely forgotten about the lesson that was scheduled to take place there that evening. Remus had assumed that whatever their conversation would be about, it would be over long before that evening's Astronomy lesson began, but somehow, once they'd stopped talking, he'd lost himself in Eleanor's moist lips and wandering hands, and forgotten all about the lesson until they heard the door opening below them, causing them to spring apart. After somehow communicating a wordless plan, they had slipped as quietly as they could down the narrow stairs, blending into the class that had just entered, before running, laughing, out of the door.

By now the prefects would be wandering the halls, but Remus didn't have time to care. As he felt himself being pulled along by Eleanor – her hand in his, her hair whipping about her flushed, smiling face – Remus forgot to edge around the soft patches of moonlight that fell across the carpet. His enemy now forgotten, he streaked along behind her, his heart pounding, his teeth clenched to suppress the laughter that was threatening to surface once more. He was amazed at how effortlessly she seemed to run; how little it seemed to affect her, as she suddenly halted, not even out of breath, turning to Remus and mouthing, "Filch; down the corridor."

Eleanor went to move, yet Remus held her back, suddenly remembering a corridor that was concealed behind a tapestry to their right. He, James, Peter and Sirius had hidden there last year after they had lured Peeves into Filch's office, and locked them in there together. Eleanor had no time to protest as, lifting the tapestry, Remus guided her through the door before following, closing the door behind them.

To Remus' surprise, the corridor was not dark. Dim torches lined the hallway, much dimmer and less ornate than those in the corridor they had just left, but they gave a decent amount of light all the same. Both Eleanor and Remus were silent, listening for Filch's footsteps as he passed, until, as soon as they were sure that he had moved out of earshot, Eleanor turned to Remus and said, "How did you know this was here?"

Remus thought of the map, considering his options, before replying, "I sort of…stumbled across it…"

"Really?" Eleanor asked, more than a little disbelieving as she placed a hand on her hip and did her best imitation of a disapproving look. Remus responded by placing one hand over his heart and saying earnestly, "I solemnly swear."

"Hmmm." Eleanor placed her hands on Remus' shoulders and even in the poor light, he could clearly see that everything she was saying was in jest. Very slowly, she began to run her hands up and down his shoulders, and Remus heard the way she took a sharp intake of breath as he suddenly moved a little closer. "Then why don't I believe you?"

"Because…" Remus said slowly, his hands reciprocating her touches as he gently began to stroke her back through her jumper. Eleanor smiled and shook her head, unwilling to believe him even though he continued, "You're obviously of a suspicious and mistrusting nature…"

Eleanor dug her nails lightly into his shoulders as punishment, yet Remus could tell by her expression that he had gotten away with it entirely.

"That must be it," Eleanor agreed with a light toss of her head. She sidestepped away from his touch, her eyes mischievous as she continued, "And considering that's the case, I really shouldn't spend anymore time with someone so strange."

Remus gave a little snort of laughter. "Strange?"

Eleanor nodded and moved away as Remus tried to regain contact. "Yes…strange…" Her determination to leave was faltering as Remus now reached out and tenderly took her hand in his. "To be honest, I don't think I can trust you."

"Very wise," he said, pressing his lips to her hand. Eleanor sighed as Remus raised his eyes to hers. "In fact, I would thoroughly advise that you go back to your dormitory at once."

Eleanor blushed, her voice barely above a whisper as she nodded and said, "It is getting late."

For the first time in hours Remus felt the familiar feeling of concern returning, as he realised just how much time he had spent with her, away from his friends. The last time he had seen them had been just after Potions, and yet Remus was convinced, judging by Sirius' treatment of him before they had departed, that he wouldn't exactly have been missed. Remus allowed Eleanor's hand to fall from his own and, clearing his throat awkwardly, the flirtation between them suddenly forgotten, mumbled, "You're right. Filch will have gone by now. We should be going."

"You're worrying now, aren't you?" Eleanor asked, a knowing smile playing about her lips. Remus shrugged; he intended to deny it, but knew that she would not believe him, so he changed his mind and said, "A little bit."

Eleanor nodded.

"I suppose this is something I'll just have to get used to then…"

"I'm not always like this," Remus said hurriedly, concerned that maybe, finally, her interest in him was waning. Eleanor's eyes were upon him as he took a step towards her, his face etched with worry as he pressed on, "I'm not always this way."

"I know," Eleanor whispered, her lips inviting him to lean forwards and kiss them once more; he was immediately certain, once again, that she would not just go off him. The way her mouth was soft and submissive; the way her body automatically pressed against his so their forms melted into one another. Although this was new and unusual to him, Remus was sure that this was something that, with enough practice, he could excel at. He had often wondered just what it was that made other girls and boys at Hogwarts feel that they needed to be surgically attached by the lips, but as he felt Eleanor's soft hands snake around his waist, he suddenly understood.

The kiss ended and Remus smiled as Eleanor lightly pressed her forehead to his and said in a breathy whisper, "I'll just have to take you as you are then."

Remus lifted his hand and pressed it against Eleanor's cheek as he asked warmly, "What about my strangeness?" Eleanor laughed, allowing Remus' hand to slip over her mouth so she could gently kiss his palm before saying, "Especially your strangeness."

Remus nodded, content with her answer, as he softly moved away. However much he felt he could stay here forever and never attend another lesson again, he somehow knew that he could not be so frivolous. He shook his head to rid himself of the spell of her touch as he asked, "Will you be alright going back to your dormitory?"

Eleanor shrugged and, after stuffing her hands in her pockets and rocking back on her heels, said, "Course I will. Will you?"

"I'm a prefect, remember?"

"Ah, the perfect cover." Remus blushed before replying, "Something like that."

Silence fell between them; each individually unwilling to be the first to leave. Somewhere, deep inside, Remus was afraid that if he left the safety of their hidden corridor, then the moment would break and tomorrow he would wake and believe that this evening had just been a dream. If he left now, Remus was sure that he would convince himself that Eleanor still didn't like him or, worse still, he'd find himself uncertain once more whether being with Eleanor was what he truly wanted.

"So I'll see you around then?" Her question seemed to hang on the air between them, and Remus was a little confused by it. Was this night not part of something bigger as he had assumed? He still hadn't asked her out, so, officially, nothing really existed between them. He had not taken Eleanor for the kind of girl who did this sort of thing often and then forgot about it the next day; he'd believed that, even though nothing had been said on the matter, she was now his girlfriend, yet something about the flippancy of her question caused Remus to worry that maybe, just maybe, this evening hadn't meant as much to her as it had to him.

"So are we…" Remus' voice caused Eleanor to halt before the doorway and turn back round to face him. Remus blushed and automatically turned away as he mumbled to the floor beneath his feet, "Well…I mean…does this mean we are…you know…going out?" Remus cringed at his own words as he spoke them and Eleanor tutted before saying, "Do you really have to ask me that?"

Remus shook his head and, after rolling her eyes, Eleanor smiled affectionately before slipping out through the door.

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A sweet moment there. Slightly fluffy for me I think. Anyway let me know what you think by hitting that review button. See you over at the next chapter! xxx


	51. Chapter 51

A/N: Hope you enjoyed that last one. What has Sirius been up to whilst all this has been going on? You're about to find out...

Thank you to Meg and Rosie for encouraging me in writing this by helping me be grammatically correct.

Disclaimer: I thank you, Ms Rowling, for setting this forth into the world. I did not so don't sue. I enjoy it anyway!

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Remus had left the hidden corridor not long after Eleanor and, before he had fully realised exactly where he was, he found that he had somehow reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. After a few moments of silent recollection, Remus muttered the password and, blinking slowly down at him, the Fat Lady yawned before allowing the portrait to swing open. As he climbed through the hole and made his way into the common room, Remus smiled, thinking of the evening's events. It had taken long enough but finally he had managed to suppress his guilt and worry and allow himself to be happy with Eleanor. It seemed strange to Remus how much happiness he had found simply by being in her company, and he had been shocked at his ability to forget entirely about the Marauders for once and enjoy himself with someone else. But most of all, as Remus entered the common room, which was, to his surprise, completely empty, he thought of the way Eleanor had smiled warmly when he had kissed her, and blushed at the memory.

The fire flared and sent a spluttering coal out onto the hearth, causing Remus to startle out of his thoughts and notice that he was not as alone as he had previously assumed. As his eyes were drawn to the glowing coal, Remus saw that a boy was sitting in the high-backed chair by the fire, his eyes fixed on nothing in particular as he stared off into the distance. Quietly, so as not to interrupt the boy's silent reflection, Remus went to slip up the stairs to the dormitory; yet as he moved, he realised that this boy was not simply a faceless fourth-year; this boy was someone he knew.

"Sirius?" Remus murmured, aware from the expression on Sirius' face that his interruption may not be welcome. The other boy did not even flinch at the sound of his own name; he was too absorbed in his own thoughts to notice that his friend had just entered and was now approaching tentatively from the opposite side of the room.

"Sirius?" Remus questioned again, his eyes fixed on Sirius' unusually stern face. Something must have happened; something must be wrong. Remus was schooled enough in Sirius' moods to know that this was the result of so much more than a bad day or a petty argument with James. By the looks of things, something much bigger had happened and as Remus sat down slowly in the chair opposite, still unnoticed by his friend, these fears were realised; he saw, for the first time, the letter in Sirius' lap.

"My uncle's dead," Sirius said, his lips barely moving as he spoke. Still he did not turn to look at Remus; he continued to stare determinedly into thin air. Remus swallowed hard but remained silent, knowing that if he spoke then Sirius would not continue. "I can't believe it…I knew he was old, but I never really thought…" Sirius stopped and sighed, allowing his hands to travel over his face as he rubbed his forehead wearily. "I just wasn't expecting…well…this…" Sirius' eyes flickered down to the letter. Remus nervously cleared his throat and, carefully watching his friend's face as he continued to stare at the parchment, said, "Which uncle?"

Sirius remained virtually unmoving as he said, "My uncle Alphard. I didn't really know him well but he was one of the decent ones, you know, like Andromeda? B…but…" Sirius' voice wavered dangerously and Remus, despite all that had occurred between them, couldn't help but be seized by a desire to comfort his friend as he leant forwards intently in his chair. Sirius laughed an empty, humourless laugh and muttered quietly, "I never expected this."

"What is it?" Remus asked, unable to mask the concern in his voice. For the first time since Remus had entered the room, Sirius' eyes found his, and as he looked upon him, Remus couldn't help but feel like this was the first time Sirius had truly done so for weeks. His expression was devoid of all bitterness; his voice lacked the resentment he had adopted of late as he said, "All his money? All that gold at Gringotts…? It's mine now. He's left it all to me."

"What?" Remus started forward a little, unable to disguise his astonishment. Sirius' face remained sober as Remus continued, "How much?"

"I don't know yet, but it will be a lot." Sirius paused and rubbed his knees with the palms of his hands before continuing, "McGonagall found me earlier to give me this." He lifted the envelope momentarily before allowing it to fall back into his lap. "I'll have to go to London to sort it all out. Apparently, there will be some trouble from _certain_ members of my family that don't want me to have it. I'll have to go to Gringotts and see some kind of lawyer…if my family want to contest the will, then I'll have to."

"What did McGonagall say?"

Sirius shrugged; rubbing his forehead wearily again, he sighed before replying, "Just that she was sorry and all that rubbish. I'll have to see Dumbledore tomorrow, but I really don't see why. It's not like this has anything to do with Hogwarts. This is about my family, nothing else."

Remus nodded in agreement before glancing down at his own hands, which he found, to his surprise, he had been wringing nervously. After processing the question he was about to ask in his mind first, Remus threw a hesitant glance in Sirius' direction before asking, "Why would your uncle do this?"

Sirius shrugged before slipping back into the chair, his head lolling backwards. For a moment Remus was certain that Sirius would not answer but finally, after pushing his dark hair out of his face, he blinked heavily and said, "You know what, Moony, I really don't know. I guess I'll find out eventually. Maybe Dumbledore knows." Sirius shifted his head so his eyes were once again fixed on Remus. "You know what's ironic, don't you? All my life I've been surrounded by money. This tainted, ancient inheritance; locked in the vaults of Gringotts. Even Grimmauld is full of valuable antiques and important magical artefacts and yet until now, I've never had any money of my own."

"What are you going to do with it?" Remus asked, a little concerned that Sirius might not be in the best frame of mind to plan responsibly. Yet to Remus' surprise, Sirius shook his head before answering, "Live on it, I suppose, until I leave here and get a job of some sort. Although to be honest, I probably won't ever have to, now." Remus watched as Sirius' features appeared to mature in the firelight, and he was suddenly reminded of when they had sat on the tower and spoke of the future while studying the skies above. "I'll buy somewhere to live, and the rest…" Sirius paused and his eyes grew all at once determined as he ended, "The rest can help with what we'll have to do."

Sirius sat forward and, folding the letter in half, placed it in his pocket. Remus sat silently observing his friend, watching the way Sirius seemed so much older. It was times like these that Remus forgot the taunting remarks that Sirius would snap in the direction of others, completely unaware that what he said could hurt. Remus found that he could forget his insensitivity and moments of immaturity, where Sirius would tease even his friends, turning their insecurities against them. As he sat, staring into the fireplace, he appeared so much older than the boy that Remus knew. A troubled expression appeared in Sirius' features, as his eyes narrowed, darkening. Usually unreadable, Remus could clearly make out the worry that furrowed Sirius' brow with age, and diminished the youthful beauty that had always come so effortlessly to him. As Remus watched the way Sirius idly traced the tip of one finger over the pattern of the fabric of the armrest, he felt as though he was glimpsing a Sirius of the future – a Sirius that seemed troubled, uneasiness causing him to forsake cutting quips in favour of silence.

"Talk to me, Remus," Sirius said as he turned his attention from the fire, half his face plunging into shadow. Remus dug his nails into the arms of his chair, flinching uncomfortably at the way Sirius had said his name, sadness and detachment lacing his words. "Talk about something normal…something that has nothing to do with any of this."

"Did you find that girl in the end?"

Sirius' eyes lost a little of their worry and a mischievous smile threatened about his lips as he replied delicately, "Honestly, do you really think I'd go off with a Slytherin? James had it right first time, oh ye of little faith." It was then that, without even the smallest hint of bitterness or malice, Sirius asked, "I'm assuming that you and Eleanor are official now."

Stunned, at first, Remus couldn't answer, so shocked was he at the sudden interest that Sirius was taking. Even if it was only to change the subject away from that which Sirius was tired of talking about, it appeared that he was genuinely interested as he waited patiently for Remus to speak.

"I suppose we are."

Remus was even more stunned when Sirius smiled warmly at this and, after nodding to himself knowingly, said enthusiastically, "Well, I think that's a good thing. Really, I do. I think it's about time you let your defences down a bit and had fun. And…" Sirius paused; it appeared that whatever he was about to say was taking a great deal of effort, and he swallowed hard. Yet he seemed to change his mind; the mischievous smile returned as he crossed one leg over the other and said, "Despite her obvious short-sightedness in fancying you, I suppose that, in a way, she'll be good for you."

Eventually Remus found his voice and asked uncertainly, "Do you really think that?" Sirius moved to speak but Remus continued, "Tell me the truth now, Padfoot; I know you don't really like her."

"Oh, come on, Moony!" The easy tranquillity that had settled between them was forgotten as Sirius' temper flared, and he pounded on the armrests without thinking as he said, "I mean, she's alright; decent looking, clever enough and an okay Chaser but…" Sirius hesitated as if to restrain his speech yet, regardless of the colour that was rising in his cheeks, he fought back his fear and continued, "Oh, for Merlin's sake, can you really not see what the real problem is?"

"No," Remus answered simply. Sirius cursed under his breath and, after shaking his head in disbelief, he continued, exasperated, "It's you, Moony. I don't want her to hurt _you_! I don't want you to be hurt by the stupid things girls can say and do; I don't want you to get bogged down with the petty little games the girls at this school play. I don't want you to go through all that."

"Eleanor's not like that–" Remus was interrupted by Sirius' short, sharp laughter.

"Trust me," Sirius said, leaning back into his chair once more, "All girls are like that."

"Well forgive me if I don't have as much experience with these things as you do." Remus' words were hot and caused Sirius to grimace, leaning forward again to interrupt. Yet Remus ignored him, trying to remain calm as he continued in more controlled tones than before, "Don't you think I have the right to find out these things for myself? Why should you feel like you have to protect me?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Sirius asked and Remus' heart tightened; of course, they both knew what they were speaking about; of course, they both knew what the real problem was. Yet as Sirius' grey eyes remained fixed unflinchingly on Remus, he suddenly felt as if maybe what they were talking about wasn't the real problem at all.

Remus drew his eyes away and, clearing his throat, he suddenly felt awkward and clumsy as he muttered quietly, "My lycanthropy is my problem, Sirius, not yours."

"I just don't want you to get hurt, Moony," Sirius said, slowly rising to his feet. Remus felt as though his friend was towering above him as he ended, "That's all." Remus nodded to himself and the truth of the conversation once again slipped away, as Sirius glanced around the common room and, giving a snort, said, "I was right, wasn't I?"

Remus looked up, his eyes questioning. Sirius rubbed the back of his neck before kicking down a corner of the rug that had flipped up as he had stood and continuing, "What I said at the beginning of the year about you having the sort of personality girls like? I told you that you weren't a lost cause and now look at you…" Sirius raised an eyebrow. "The only one of the Marauders with a girlfriend."

Remus swallowed hard as he realised that this was the truth. Yet instead of withdrawing and denying it, he allowed himself to smile as he teased, "Don't worry, Padfoot, there's hope for you yet."

"Maybe," Sirius replied, his sedate response telling Remus that he was only half listening. He seemed to be hanging around, waiting for something else to be said before he climbed the stairs to the dormitory above. His hesitancy made Remus nervous as he, too, forsook his place by the fireside. It wasn't like Sirius to ignore such a comment, and his face had become dark with worry once more. After holding back for a moment, Remus took a tentative step forward; Sirius, whose eyes had been fixed on the floor, looked up at his approach. Remus froze and, placing his hands in his pockets, he suddenly remembered that they still weren't talking; and that they hadn't, really, spoken for weeks. Remus had yet to forgive him for the things that he had said and, as far as he was concerned, Sirius hadn't yet made any real attempt to apologise. Yet now Remus read in Sirius' eyes the same plea for forgiveness that he had seen so many times before.

"Moony…" Sirius stopped, his eyes flitting desperately about the common room, as if looking for an escape route. Yet he stood firm, struggling, it seemed, with some inner demon as he sighed desperately before trying again, "Remus, I…"

"What?" Remus asked, moving forward without thinking and extending his hand to rest on his friend's shoulder. Sirius winced and closed his eyes as if the touch hurt him and Remus shared in his pain, seeing it clearly written in Sirius' eyes when he reopened them. "For god's sake, Sirius, tell me what's wrong."

He could feel Sirius shaking under his touch but as he moved forward, Sirius shook his head violently and took a stumbling step backwards. Remus froze, watching with pity as Sirius impatiently straightened his shirt, muttering something under his breath that Remus couldn't hear, before snapping his head up and saying, "Well, I'm going up now. You coming or staying down here?"

"I'll stay for a bit," Remus said, knowing that this was what Sirius wanted to hear. His friend nodded, backing slowly towards the stairway with the words, "Night then, Moony."

Remus said nothing as he watched Sirius turn and leave. When he heard the sound of the door to the boys' dormitory opening and closing, Remus allowed his mind to travel to the room above and, as he stared up at the ceiling, he mouthed wordlessly upwards, "Goodnight, Padfoot."

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Of course, I apprehensively await your opinions. Let me know what you think I'm doing right or wrong by reviewing. Expect the next update soon xxx


	52. Chapter 52

A/N: Well, here it is as promised; another swift update. As much as I've been appreciating the rain, I wish that it would stop when I decided to go outside. Oh well, I guess it is asking too much to be bale to control the weather.

Once again, thank you for your reviews. I love the way that all of you take the effort to tell me what you like and what you don't. Trust me when I say I do take all the feedback I get on board.

It's strange really when I come to update this as, in terms to the last things I've been working on, this is way behind. The story has come a long way and I hope that you'll all like it enough to stick with it until the end.

Thank you to Meg and Rosie for sticking with this with me.

Disclaimer: J.K.Rowling owns the characters she created. I do not. Please don't sue.

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Remus had entered the bathroom without knocking; he hadn't felt that he had the time. Since he had sat up in bed and the room had spun, the beds and the light and the red and the gold flitting before his eyes, Remus had known that if he didn't move fast then there was a real danger of him being sick. But as he had grabbed his jumper to pull over his head and run to the bathroom, he hadn't even thought about who was already in there. With an apologetic mumble, Remus moved to withdraw at the sight of James, who was in the middle of shaving at the sink. Half of his face was still covered in white soap; the razor had cut smooth lines of skin over his cheeks and up his neck. James squinted in Remus' direction, his glasses lying on the washstand, and, when he saw who it was, he put down the razor and ushered Remus in with the words, "Come on; don't just stand there."

Remus nodded a swift thanks before clicking the door closed behind him and resting back for a moment, allowing the nausea to sweep through him. There was only a week until the full moon and Remus was already feeling its effects. James, at least, seemed to be understanding of the reasons for Remus' sudden intrusion and, as he turned back to the mirror and began to carefully shave above his top lip, he asked, "How you feeling?"

Remus took a deep breath, making sure that he was well enough to speak, before saying wearily, "I'll be alright. Thought I was going to be sick for a minute but now…"

James shifted over, his concentration still focused on the reflection in front of him as he said, "Splash some cold water on your face. Might make you feel better."

Remus nodded and carefully picked his way across the laundry-strewn floor. Although, by now, he should have been used to his friends' habits, Remus still couldn't help but be irritated by James' custom of throwing every item of clothing he owned onto the bathroom floor. Turning on the tap, Remus caught the water in his cupped hands before throwing it over his face. Its coldness made him lose his breath for a moment and when he looked up to find a towel to dry himself with, Remus caught sight of his reflection in the mirror before him.

"You know, you really do look terrible, mate," James said, his eyes passing over Remus' colour-drained face as he handed him the towel. After rubbing his face vigorously, Remus handed back the towel with the words, "You really know exactly what to say to make me feel better, Prongs." James sniffed disapprovingly and Remus, whose nausea had left him, took a step away and watched James shave, fixated by the globules of soap that floated in the sink below.

"James…" Remus began as his friend scraped away the last of the soap with his razor before pulling the plug. After running his hand briefly over his face to ascertain how good of a job he had done, he turned around and, drying his face, gave Remus his undivided attention. "…you know my…furry little problem?"

"Actually, I know it quite well," James teased, retrieving a shirt from the floor and, giving it a sniff, pulling it on before asking seriously, "What about it?"

Remus put down the toilet lid and, after taking a seat, began uncertainly, "I think…well…" He paused and automatically, James' expression became one of concern. Then, all of a sudden, Remus forsook his hesitation and blurted out without a second thought, "Lily knows."

James took a step back as though he had just taken a Bludger to the stomach and, turning around, he quickly sought his glasses on the washstand. He blinked as he put them on, as if this would somehow erase what Remus had just said, before taking a step forward, pointing at Remus as he did so, and spluttering, "Did you tell her?"

"No, no, of course I didn't."

"But _someone_ must have told her…"

"Honestly, Prongs, for someone who professes to love her as much as you do, you can't seriously find it unbelievable that she simply worked it out for herself." James' mouth, which had been agape, suddenly snapped shut at Remus' words as he began to silently process all that had been said. Remus watched as James thought, his brow furrowed; his face dark with concentration. Remus saw as realisation seemed to seize him and he took another step forwards and said, rather desperately, "It was Padfoot, wasn't it? What he said in the Great Hall that day?"

With a heavy heart, Remus nodded, and James staggered back, his hands reaching behind to steady himself as he took a very slow, shuddering breath. Remus, who was discovering that sitting in just his underwear and his school jumper meant that he was becoming increasingly cold, began to rub his goose pimpled legs as he said, "That's what she wanted to talk to me about the other day, before the Potions test."

"Oh…" James mused, pushing his glasses up his nose before shrugging in an odd way. "Is _that_ what she wanted?"

Remus, confused by James' suddenly cold tone, watched his friend very closely and asked, "Why? What did you think she wanted?" James shrugged again, his eyes darkening as he grumbled lowly, "I don't know. You two do seem to be quite close and…"

Suddenly it dawned on Remus just what James was getting at, and he couldn't help but jump to his feet as he begun earnestly, "And nothing! James, you don't seriously think…" He paused and laughed, at a loss to understand why James would think anything of that kind at all. "You couldn't actually think that anything like that would ever really happen?"

"Oh, I don't know, do I?" James answered rather petulantly, throwing the tie he had picked up from the side across the room in a sudden temper. "It does seem that she's rather _popular_ with the Marauders, doesn't it? I found that out at New Year. And I've well and truly blown it now; she doesn't even look at me anymore. I'd rather her look at me with disgust than ignore me."

"But I don't…" Remus stopped himself from continuing in this way; an explanation of his feelings for Lily was not really necessary here so, instead, he changed tack and, after debating with himself for a moment, ended, "I have a girlfriend."

At once, James' tantrum was forgotten. A sly smile curled his lips and, after bending down to collect the tie once again, he placed it round his neck with the words, "Well, Mister Moony, you kept that one quiet. I'm assuming that this is a certain blonde-haired Ravenclaw we're talking about?"

Remus blushed and nodded.

"How long has this been going on then?"

"Not very long…I don't think many people know yet…" James straightened his collar over his tie and, after throwing a glance at his reflection, he turned to Remus and said, "It won't be a secret for long, you know? This is Hogwarts. Even the walls have ears."

"I'll expect Sir Cadogan to congratulate me, then." James laughed and Remus, who was suddenly reminded of a few nights before, tried to stretch his jumper to cover as much of his freezing legs as possible before saying, "I told Sirius."

In a moment that was too short for Remus' liking, the laughter had gone and James' face darkened as he asked, "What did he say?"

Remus shrugged. Ever since the night he and Sirius had spoken in the common room, Remus had tried not to dwell on his friend's bizarre reaction or on that which Sirius so obviously could not say. Since that night, Sirius had hardly spent any time with the Marauders; the morning after, he had gone to see Dumbledore as instructed and today they had travelled up to London to visit Gringotts together. James hadn't spoken much to Remus about what Sirius might have confided in him, although Remus was sure that Sirius would have told James more than he had told him. Yet, despite how worried he was for his friend and about the repercussions that this sudden inheritance would have, it was not this that Remus had been thinking of since that night. Instead, Remus had found it hard to forget the way that Sirius had lingered in the common room after he had moved to go to bed; and the way he had appeared so pained by whatever it was he was unable to say.

"He…erm…well…" Remus faltered and James, whose face had lost none of its seriousness, raised his eyebrows as he waited for Remus to nervously continue, "He was alright about it, actually."

James looked relieved at Remus' hesitant answer as he turned back round to face the mirror and began to mess up his already unruly hair. Remus stared at his friend's back, and was surprised when James turned around suddenly, his head cocked to one side, contemplating what he was about to say, before asking, "Do you really think she likes me, Moony? Do I really stand a chance?"

Remus couldn't help but smile; James was not known for his insecurity, and when he displayed it, it was always in connection with Lily. James did not look pleased at Remus' smile, but before he could return his attention to his grumpy reflection, Remus sighed and said, "Everyone knows she likes you, James."

A flicker of a smile appeared at the corners of James' mouth before, turning back to the mirror, he mumbled under his breath, "Yeah, maybe."

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Since writing this I have discovered a new-found affection for some of the characters I never really considered before. I'm really liking James (well, the way I imagine and write him anyway). Let me know what you think xxx


	53. Chapter 53

A/N: Okay. First of all I'd like to offer a brief apology for the slowness of my updates of late. However, this does mean that I have actually FINISHED this story entirely. That's right my readers and friends; standing at 174,000 words and 101 chapters in length it has proved itself an epic undertaking. I am very happy with it and I hope that what I've written won't disappoint those of you who have been so faithful to this.

This means that from now on expect very regular and rapid updates. You are the audience whose opinions I await. I am happy with it and I hope you will be too.

Let's return to Grimmauld Place. Remus' grief becomes all consuming.

Thank you to Megan and Rosie for helping me with this.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter so there is no need to sue!

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It is hard for Remus to move away from the fire now that he has allowed himself these moments to relish in its warmth. It is fear that makes him hesitate; it is fear that prevents him from looking down at the tin that is now open in his hands to view clearly what he has only glimpsed inside. Remus is afraid of moving away from the heat, back into the coldness he had only just forsaken; back into the coldness of the room. He allows his eyes to flicker open and as he does so he catches something familiar about the face that is staring back from out of the tarnished glass. For so long it seems that Remus has avoided looking at his reflection; somehow now, more than ever, does it seem unimportant. To him, his reflection had never really mattered; it had never drawn him in as it did to other men. Vanity, to Remus, seems irrelevant when there was never anyone that had appeared to care. Yet he knows by the reactions of others that, of late, he has forsaken his appearance more than ever and that this has aged him more than the months of worry could ever have. He had seen it in Harry's youthful face when he had spoken to him on the walk to Hogsmeade. He could read his own image - blinking, haggard - in Snape's malevolent black eyes. But now, as he watches the way his pupils dilate, black consuming what remains of the amber of the iris and the firelight, Remus shudders as he glimpses a little of what youth he thought he had lost the night Lily and James died. So out of place does this youth seem, shrouded behind the mask of thirty nine year old man, that Remus cannot bear to be reminded of the hope he has lost and, as he turns to make his way over to the bed, he is almost too consumed with disillusionment to remember the tin he has opened, and remains open still, in his hands.

Remus sits and the mattress sags beneath his weight. This bed has not been made for months and it is with horror that Remus realises that this bed would not have been made since its last occupant left it. The lamp flickers uncertainly for a moment before resting motionless once more and Remus quickly stands, glancing down at the ruffled sheets that have betrayed his grief. Casting his eyes over the mattress, Remus is indulgent and imagines that he can clearly make out the imprint that a sleeping head has left upon the pillows. Forgetting the tin he has retrieved from the fireplace, Remus kneels, no longer inhibited by the robes he has left by the fireside. The rug beneath him is patchy and full of mildew, yet he does not care as his eyes find new outlines in the sheets; limbs lying motionless by their body's side; fists clutching the fabric through fitful sleep - each pattern clearly written in the bed.

A snort of manic laughter breaks Remus' fixation as he shakes his head slowly, unable to believe that he is tracing such tenuous links to his friend. He has to go; to leave this room at once and return to his own. Or perhaps, he thinks as he moves to stand, it would be better if he went downstairs and attempted to make the tea he had tried to make earlier

Despite the fire, Remus freezes; his eyes still fixed on the crumpled bed linen - the off-white sheets and the thicker, woollen blanket that is slipping off of the bed by one corner. Detached, as if it means nothing, Remus bends and retrieves it, telling himself that he will just place it on the bed and leave. Yet as he moves it a disgustingly familiar scent is disturbed, wafting up to his nostrils and drawing him back to the past. Gone were the smells of the washing-powder of Hogwarts and the earth of the Quidditch pitch; the odd, familiar scents of before. Grimmauld Place, it appears, has consumed all. Yet, behind this, Remus can still detect the distant and transient scent of the early autumn sunshine, mingled with the strange odours of a grown man that had spent most of his adult life locked in a prison of one kind or another.

It is Remus that is the prisoner now, captive of the memories the bed is resurrecting, the familiar and the unknown becoming indistinguishable in the half-light of the room. There are things that Remus can remember and things that Remus knows that he can't, yet it is these counterfeit memories that seem all the more clear, and all the more bright, in the iridescent darkness of the room. Shadows flit across his eyes, teasing him into the bed. If he were to slip off his shoes and allow himself to fall onto the mattress beneath, no-longer would it stand frozen in time since it was last forsaken; it would become something new and somehow diminished. Yet Remus knows that the smells that were awoken when the blanket was moved would only be more heady were he to lie down. The strange familiarity could engulf him and make him believe that his grief was nothing, and could be forgotten, as long as he wrapped himself up in the sheets.

Without hesitation, Remus falls down and the bed groans beneath his weight. His head lolls back, disturbing the imprint he had previously worshipped; his limbs taking the place that the others had left. As he lies, pulling the sheet around him, he breathes, the past slipping from memory into the present as feels the form of Sirius beside him; around him. He breathes again and Sirius is in his lungs and in his mind, moving through his veins with unstoppable force that makes Remus' entire body tense. No-longer are the sheets just blankets; these sheets are Sirius' skin which he has left, disregarded, like a snake, on the bed. His skin slips over Sirius' own; strengthening him; shattering him. He is suffocating in Sirius and yet Remus thinks that he is breathing, truly, for the first time in months and, as he turns so that his back is pressed into the mattress, the tension breaks and Remus closes his eyes, and slips further in the form of his friend.

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Please review and let me know what you think. See you over at the next chapter xxx


	54. Chapter 54

A/N: Told you'd be treated with a few good updates! The Marauders feel the impact of Sirius' uncle's death.

Disclaimer: I love them but I don't own the characters. No need to sue.

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Disputed Black Inheritance Worsens Family Feud

_Following the death of Alphard Black last week, the _Daily Prophet_ can exclusively reveal that the last will and testament of the late philanthropist is being contested at Gringotts later this afternoon. It appears that Alphard's choice of beneficiary, disgraced member of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, Sirius Black, is not deemed a suitable subject to receive such a substantial inheritance from his late uncle. Alphard's elder sister, Walburga Black, and her husband Orion have made it clear to this newspaper that they intend to do everything in their power to prevent their disowned son from inheriting. Mrs Walburga Black, of twelve, Grimmauld Place, London, had this to say: "It is clear to me that my brother must have been out of his mind when he decreed that his part in the family estate should pass to someone as treacherous and undeserving. For centuries the Black family have prided themselves on the purity of our line, and it is disgraceful to think that the fortune that has been amassed over the years by those who live their lives by such ideals, could come to the hands of such a contemptible blood traitor. It is my duty, not only as a member of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, but also as a spokesperson for the unpolluted members of the wizarding community, to ensure that that blight in our society does not, and will never, see a Knut of that fortune!" _

_It is believed that the outcast Sirius Black arrived in London this morning, along with the revered and respected Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Albus Dumbledore. No doubt the battle for the surprising bequest of Alphard has only added to the turbulent year for Sirius, who is currently studying in his sixth year at Hogwarts. As of yet, it is unclear how long it will take to resolve this matter or, indeed, how the outcome will affect the young and troubled firebrand. _

"One for the family scrapbook then." James grinned a little, pushing his glasses up his nose with one finger. His smile quickly vanished, however, as Remus threw him an unimpressed glance, and, pulling the paper towards him and blinking down at the page once more, James added, "I don't know whether he'll take too kindly to being called a firebrand…"

"All those things…" Peter began, shifting in his seat at the table beside Remus, his eyes, too, fixed on the article. In fact, Remus was the only one of them that had turned his attention away and, as the others glared down at the copy of the _Daily Prophet_ that had just been delivered by owl post, he busied himself with buttering another slice of toast. "All those things that his mum said about him…she couldn't really mean them all, could she?"

Peter's optimism made Remus smile, but before he could answer, James had rolled up the paper and shoved it in his bag with the words, "Bloody hell, Wormtail, of course she meant them! This is Sirius' mum we're talking about. I mean, she chucked him out of home…disowned him…didn't care where he went or what he did. Not exactly known for her maternal feelings then, is she?"

Peter shrugged; all signs of hope that had been there before seemed to have evaporated as James had spoken and he said quietly, "I just don't see how she could say all those things about her own son."

"I don't think that Mrs Black considers Sirius to be that anymore," Remus mumbled down to the toast before taking a bite. It had been hard to see the article in the newspaper. Even though it wasn't the stuff of headlines, it had still made page four and Remus knew that since the post had arrived, the whispering had started. He didn't know of anyone that didn't read the _Daily Prophet_ and by now the whole school would know that not only had Sirius been disowned, but he had, possibly overnight, found himself a fortune. As if to prove him right, a group of fourth-year Hufflepuff students walked past where the Marauders were sitting, and Remus could clearly hear one of them say in a hushed tone, "That's them. That's _his_ friends."

"How long do you think he'll be in London for?" Peter asked and Remus, who had been carefully avoiding his friend's eyes, looked up to see if James' face was revealing anything he knew that Remus did not. James shrugged and, refilling his cup with tea from the teapot that stood on the table between them, answered, "Who knows? He didn't say anything to me before going. I don't think he knew what to make of it all. Dumbledore must know how long it will take, but I doubt Sirius will bother writing to keep us informed. But I know that he wouldn't miss the match against Slytherin next week; I'm sure of that."

Remus saw Peter nod as if satisfied with this answer, yet as he moved to place more sausages on his plate, a look of bewilderment flitted across his face, and he leant intently towards James to say, "But Thursday's the full moon, isn't it?"

At the mention of that night, Remus' stomach gave a jolt and all of a sudden the third piece of toast he had been eyeing didn't seem like such a good idea. Instead he reached for the teapot and, after pouring the golden liquid over the lemon he had sliced, he raised his cup and swirled it beneath his nose. He knew that both James and Peter were watching him, trying to ascertain just how the transformation was affecting him this month. Yet Remus was unwilling to meet their eyes; something about such looks of concern made him feel even more nauseous, and as he took a sip of the tea that was still a little too hot, he heard James say, "I'm sure that he'll be back in time – and if he's not, then Remus' furry little problem will just have to be _our_ problem."

"What about Lily?" Peter asked, referring to what Remus had told him that morning, shortly after telling James. James moved to answer, yet before he could do so, he was interrupted by Lily, who had suddenly moved from her place further down the breakfast table and sat beside him. James had gone rigid, his face flushing at her unexpected arrival, and Remus couldn't help but smile at the forced air of awkwardness that seemed to have descended amongst them. Lily, however, was choosing to ignore this as she leant into the group, pushing her hair behind her ears as she whispered, "Is it true what's in the _Prophet_? About Sirius and the inheritance?"

Remus and James glanced at each other, wordlessly deciding whether it was even worth denying it at all. An agreement was reached and, after placing the cup down in its saucer, Remus nodded slowly. Lily blinked and withdrew a little, relaxing back on the bench before saying, "I think it's disgusting what his parents are doing…have done to him, rather. I want you to know that if I hear anyone saying anything against him, I'll put them right."

"Well, erm, thanks and all, Evans, but we'd rather you didn't," James snapped rather sourly. Peter dropped his fork so that it clattered noisily on his plate and Remus, who had previously been somewhat amused by the tension, flinched uncomfortably at James' quick words. Lily turned to face him, her voice carefully laced with fury as she hissed at him, "Don't be such an idiot, Potter! I'm just saying that I think it's wrong what's happening to Sirius, and you act like the complete Neanderthal I'd actually forgotten you were!"

"Neanderthal," James grumbled rhetorically down into his tea, and Remus could feel the way his feet knocked angrily against his own underneath the table. For a moment, Remus thought that maybe he would leave the argument at that but, to his despair, James' eyes turned back to Lily. "Look," he said, pointing accusatorily in Lily's direction, "it's none of your sodding business anyway."

"No…no…you're right; it is none of my sodding business. But I made the mistake of thinking that it _was_ my business because I thought we were all friends."

"We are–" Peter tried to interrupt but James had already begun to answer: "How can you say that we're all friends when you don't even care about us?"

Lily laughed bitterly and her green eyes narrowed as she closed the distance between herself and James and said, "Why don't you just say what you really mean? Why don't you just say that I don't care about _you_, and that that's the real problem here?"

Remus' eyes were fixed on James, who seemed to all of a sudden lose the irrational anger that had surfaced since Lily had sat down. Instead, a strange sort of calmness seemed to posses him and as his eyes studied Lily's furious face, Remus couldn't help but pity him as he said, "And if I admitted that to you, what difference would it make?"

Lily was at a loss for words, unable to think of a way to respond to what James had just said. As though embarrassed by her own temper, she looked away from James and down at the table in front of her. Remus knew, just as most other people had accepted, that despite everything she said, Lily was not cold to what James claimed to feel. She had not meant to hurt him but she was not the type of girl to ignore what he'd said. After a moment or two of extremely uncomfortable silence, Lily nodded before rising to her feet, saying nothing to any of the Marauders, and turning to leave the Great Hall.

James had not watched her go, and as Remus looked at him now, he could see that he was murmuring something to himself under his breath. Finally, James lifted his eyes and caught Remus' glance and, after shrugging indifferently, said sarcastically, "Oh yeah, Moony, I can really see that she likes me now."

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Reviews, opinions and advice are all encouraged. Thank you for continuing to read. Hope you have the stamina to see this out with me until the end xxx


	55. Chapter 55

A/N: Thank you to all those reading and reviewing. You know who you are and it really makes my day to read your words which I so encouraging! Here's a reward in the form of another chapter. As I said, reviews should be coming thick and fast now so I hope you enjoy.

In this chapter Lily and Remus have a conversation, but it may not be about what Remus thinks.

Thank you to Megan and Rosie who really helped me all the way with this.

Disclaimer: I love the characters so much, however, I don't own them. No need to sue.

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As Remus sat in the library, watching the books slowly shift and rearrange themselves on the shelves, unhappy with the places that the librarian had left them in, he felt his bones begin to throb beneath the muscles of his arms and legs. He was trying to read, but his eyes refused to stay fixed on the page, and instead moved from the books to the window where he could see, perhaps more clearly than anyone else in the room, that the sun was already beginning to set. In a few hours he would have to go down to the hospital wing so that Madam Pomfrey could march him towards the Whomping Willow. As he watched the sun dimly glittering through the panes of glass, Remus could feel the way the moon was rising, pulling on the blood that was running through his veins. Were it not for the clouds that floated languorously across the sky, Remus was sure that he would already be able to see it hanging low, swollen and full; a ghost of the moon that would come later.

Somewhere across the room a student dropped their quill and Remus started, his chest tightening uncomfortably as he turned to his book once more. For some reason Remus knew that tonight's transformation would be a violent one. On the occasions that his transformations had been worse than usual, Remus had always felt relatively normal up until the very last moment. Aside from the nausea and the aches he was feeling now, and a few instances earlier in the week, Remus had virtually forgotten that tonight was the full moon. Perhaps it had been all that had gone on between him and Eleanor? Or perhaps it was the disruption caused by everything that had happened to Sirius that week? Whatever it was, Remus couldn't say he was happy about the false sense of security he had been lulled into.

"Penny for your thoughts?" a familiar voice interrupted, causing Remus to stop pretending that he was reading, and turn to face Lily as she sat down beside him. He sighed and rubbed his face, his skin feeling like a mask that was stretched across him. Lily leant against him so her shoulder was touching his and, after a moment of silence, she asked, "How are you feeling?"

Fully understanding the true meaning of her question, Remus sunk back in his chair before answering, "Unusually okay…which worries me…"

Lily nodded and mimicked him by sitting back too. A moment more of silence passed by and, after picking up a square of parchment that had been left on the desk in front of them and beginning to fold it, Lily began, "I was wondering…" Remus watched as Lily placed the parchment she had folded into the shape of a bird down on the desk and withdrew her wand. With a brief flick of her wrist, Lily had charmed the bird so it suddenly sprung into motion and was now wobbling uncertainly in front of them. "I was wondering where it was you went?"

Remus nodded, not really surprised by her question, and, turning to face her, he answered very quietly so that no one else could hear, "There's a secret passage below the Whomping Willow that leads to the Shrieking Shack–"

"Of course!" Lily suddenly interjected, realising what she could never have suspected before now. Yet as she looked at him, her smile of satisfaction abruptly disappeared; she raised her hand to her mouth and covered it as she said, "All those screams…all those stories about the noises coming from the Shack…" Remus blushed and looked down at the paper bird, which was now in the process of experimentally flapping its wings. "All the time, that was you."

Remus looked from the bird to Lily; her face seemed sad all of a sudden in the rapidly disappearing daylight. Remus nodded and Lily shook her head, the sun that was slipping from the sky behind her filtering through her hair as she did so.

"I would never believe that something so horrible could happen to you." Her words were soft and full of pity as she continued to speak through the sunlight. "I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like for you…"

Despite what he was thinking, Remus reached out and took her hand, which was resting in her lap, and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Lily's eyes were wide and clear and as she looked at him, Remus could see that she was genuinely concerned. She had flinched as he touched her and, with the faintest trace of a blush, she withdrew her hand. Remus, a little unsure of what to say now, once more looked at the bird on the desk, which had lowered its head and was now beginning to make a nest by tearing pieces off a larger roll of parchment.

"I live with this now, Lily," he said, slowly breaking the silence. Even though he was no longer looking at her, he could sense that she had blushed. "That's what I do. It's the only choice I have. I don't want you to feel like you have to pity me; there's really no need. It's enough that you actually still want to talk to me…"

He raised his eyes and caught Lily's smile yet as soon as it had appeared it vanished, her lips drawing downwards and her face becoming serious as she turned to him and said, "How do I do it?"

"Do…do what?" Remus responded, a little confused. Lily shook her head and turned away, as if she were finished. Yet before he could think of what more he could say, she had turned back to him, her cheeks red as she continued, "How do I go back on everything I've ever said or done and admit…"

Lily faltered and, at Remus' knowing smile, turned away, reaching her hands across the desk and ushering the paper bird into them. Then, after allowing the bird to tip into her lap, it looking around, confusedly, for the half finished nest, she said, "How can I admit that I've been wrong?"

Lily was refusing to meet Remus' eyes, perhaps knowing what would be written there. Remus reached forwards and slowly closed his book, always aware of the time that was elapsing and the afternoon sun that was slipping from the room. With a warm sigh, he placed the book in his bag before turning to Lily and saying, "You should just tell him."

"I can't do that," Lily said darkly, shaking her head down into her lap so her hair fell in front of her face. Remus was well used to this trick, for it was what Sirius did whenever he wanted to avoid discussing a particular subject. But it was Lily that had brought this up and so Remus was certain that this was something she wanted to talk about, rather than something she wanted to avoid completely.

"Why not?" Remus asked matter-of-factly, his tone causing Lily to instantly look up.

"Why not? You have to ask me why not when you've seen the way we are together…" Lily paused, shaking her head and laughing lightly to herself before continuing in more controlled tones than before. "It's more difficult than that. For so long I've thought…" Once again, Lily hesitated, and Remus watched as she pushed her hair behind her ears, revealing her face, before continuing, "I thought I knew him all these years but now…"

"Lily?" Remus asked and Lily turned to look at him. "We're not talking about James, are we?"

Her brow furrowed with confusion and as she shook her head, Remus realised, even before she spoke, who it was that she had meant.

"No, we're talking about Severus."

Remus nodded, reflecting, for a moment, on all Lily had just said. Finally, after processing all, Remus prepared himself for Lily's possible reply as he asked tentatively, "Are you in love with Snape?"

Confusion gave way to humour and despite herself, Lily laughed. A sharp, hissing sound caused her to stop and as both Lily and Remus looked over their shoulders, they spied the robes of the unseen librarian disappearing between the bookcases. Lily managed to compose herself and, with a certain amount of confusion returning, she turned to Remus and said, "What made you ask that?"

Remus shrugged, unwilling to answer as it felt like this would be some betrayal of James' friendship. Lily's eyes, however, were urging him to respond and, after making sure that the librarian was not coming back, he finally replied, "Just what you've said and the way you are. It's not really a ridiculous question, is it?"

Lily had long since stopped laughing and as she spoke, Remus was sure he caught something sad in her eyes. "No, it's not ridiculous…in theory. But in practice, it couldn't be more laughable…" She paused, her finger curling round a strand of hair that hung loosely by her face as she smiled slowly and said, "I'm not in love with him, Remus."

"And is he…do you think that he's in love with you?" Lily almost winced as Remus spoke and, reaching down into her lap, she avoided his eyes as she allowed the paper bird to teeter unsteadily into her hands once more. With one finger, she very carefully began to stroke the top of its head and, with a small cheep, the bird stretched into her touch. Shrugging, Lily replied, "You should have listened to that question as you said it out loud." Remus laughed yet as Lily continued to caress the delicate bird in her hand, she ignored him almost completely, saying, much quieter than before, "I suppose you could call it love, whatever that means to him. I'm sure that it doesn't mean to him what it does to everyone else."

Raising her eyes, Lily cocked her head and, with half a sneer, she asked, "I suppose these questions are all prompted by James' brilliant powers of deduction?"

Remus shrugged, attempting to ignore the sharp stabbing pain that was now digging deep within his chest. "He's jealous, that's all."

"Well," Lily began, opening her hands and lifting her arms so that the bird could fly free. With fascination, Remus watched as it took off, extending its sharply folded wings and fluttering away over the bookcases. Lily brushed her hands together and ended, "He has nothing to be jealous of."

Remus nodded, understanding her words better, perhaps, than she did herself. Behind Lily, Remus could see that the sun was rapidly vanishing; they had been talking longer than Remus had supposed; Lily looked at him as he stood up, grabbing his bag and nearly knocking his chair over, and said, "I'm sorry but I've got to go. I didn't realise how close to sunset it was."

Lily threw a glance over her shoulder to look out of the window and, nodding sympathetically at him, she allowed him to withdraw. Yet before he had left the area they had been sitting in, Lily's voice caused Remus to stop and turn round to watch her as she said, "Don't tell him, though, will you? James I mean. I don't want him to know just yet."

Remus nodded, completely understanding, and, as he turned to leave, he could almost forget that tonight was the night of the full moon and that in a few hours this conversation would mean nothing to the wolf he would become.

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Opinions, reviews and forms of constructive criticism all welcome. Hope you are all still liking this and will stay until the end! xxx


	56. Chapter 56

A/N: Another rapid update, as promised. I have a very busy week this week so I don't know how much I'll have the opportunity to upload but hopefully this will keep you all going until Sunday, when I'll definately have the time.

Remus' dreams become more vivid and on awakening he finds he has an unexpected visitor.

Thank you so much to Megan and Rosie. By now they should know what for.

Disclaimer: Alas, I do not own them. No need to sue.

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For once, Remus wasn't running. As he walked through the snow-covered graveyard, the bottom of his robes hushing over the ground, Remus felt as though he had all the time in the world to reach his destination. By now, he knew it by heart; left at the gnarled Hawthorne tree and then turn at the tomb of the decapitated angel. Remus felt as if he were floating through the snowdrift, the flakes clinging to his eyelashes as he tried to blink them away, tightening his scarf about his neck. Yet as he reached the tomb and allowed his hands to withdraw from his pockets and trace a pattern in the ice on the stone, mobility seemed all at once to escape him as he heard voices drifting out of the snow.

"Remus…Remus, help me!" the voice always cried but as Remus tried to move his feet, he found they were stuck fast. The calm detachment of earlier was now lost as he felt the way his heart began to pound within his chest; felt the way all his blood was being pumped to his limbs in an attempt to dislodge them from the snow.

"For god's sake, Moony, he's coming! He's coming to kill me!" It was James; James was calling to him from somewhere around the corner and if only Remus could move he knew he would be able to save him. He knew the sight that awaited him; he knew he would round the tomb and see James lying in the snow between two gravestones, the snow around him splattered with blood; tainted crimson forever.

It was then that Remus saw the figure in the dark cloak and the hood that shrouded its face appear from behind the angel, and make its way towards where James was lying. James' shriek pierced the flurry of white that had descended, virtually blinding Remus to the task at hand as he bent over and dug desperately around his feet.

"James…James, I'm coming…I'm trying…" Remus' voice broke as he continued to shovel handfuls of snow away and, to his relief, was able to just about make out a glimpse of his shoes through the white. The figure would have reached James by now and with a final desperate yank Remus managed to free himself and run round the corner.

James was lying, just as Remus had known he would be, on the snow. The figure in black was standing before him, its hand withdrawing its wand to aim at James. Yet before Remus could move, another figure had intruded on the scene, appearing from behind a snow-dusted tree to his right, and running in front of James. James shrieked and the world spun with white as the figure in black hissed the curse "_Avada Kedavra". _The green light caused Remus to falter backwards, his eyes closing on the world around. When he opened them again, he buckled over in pain as he saw the face of Lily, cold, blue and unmoving in the snow beside James, who shivered, uncontrollably, beside her.

With a start, Remus awoke. As he blinked, rapidly trying to clear his mind of the vision that had floated through it during sleep, he realised that it had only been a dream. The terrifying dream that had haunted him months before had returned. James was always in that graveyard; the shadowy figure always approached. Yet this dream had boasted a new addition that the others had not and as Remus' gaze finally focused on the canopy above, he could not rid his mind's eye of the image of Lily's face. She had intruded and sacrificed herself for him; she had run onto the scene and changed it all. In all the nights he had dreamt of this scene before, Lily had never appeared and yet now he had seen her burst into the graveyard and change everything.

Remus blinked again, the dream slipping away into the back of his mind to be forgotten for the rest of the day. As he moved to stretch his arms out above his head he felt a sharp pain searing in his side and, with a sharp intake of breath, Remus reached down to feel the angry gash that had cut its way there. It was then that he remembered his transformation. Peter and James had barely controlled him, he recalled. He'd gnashed violently at himself, frustrated that they were forever barring his way to the kill. Remus had not experienced many transformations without Sirius since his friends had learnt the secret of becoming Animagi, yet when he was absent Remus knew that the wolf was always less sedate and more determined to destroy. Sirius had not returned and Remus had found himself hoping, rather selfishly, even at the last minute, that the large shaggy dog would appear and help him see the night through.

Confused, Remus tried to sit up; as he did so, he noticed the three empty beds, long since made and devoid of their sleepers. Reaching out to the nightstand, Remus felt for his watch and, drawing it towards him so he could better see, he was shocked at just how much time had elapsed since his transformation. It was Saturday and he could not remember anything of the time he knew he must have spent in the hospital wing, or the time when he had been moved back to the dormitory. As Remus dropped the watch to the side and rubbed his face wearily, he thought of the hours he must have wasted in sleep and the Friday lessons he would have missed. No doubt James and Peter had allowed him to sleep as they went in search of breakfast and ways to amuse themselves, but as Remus lay in bed, his eyes picking patterns in the dust that danced in the light, he found himself frustrated by his exhaustion and the undeniable desire he felt to spend the whole day in bed.

A knock on the door caused Remus to start and reach for a nearby jumper to pull over his head. The woollen fabric scratched painfully against the injury on his side and it was all Remus could do not to whimper with pain as he rearranged the cushions he had been lying on, so they were propped up against the headboard. After a moment or two of composing himself, Remus called out to the door, "Come in." The door clicked open and it was to Remus' astonishment that Eleanor entered quickly and closed the door behind her.

"How did you…?" Remus began, totally bewildered as Eleanor threw him a swift grin and began to advance towards the bed. Remus struggled to remain seated upright, his side throbbing angrily as, without thinking, he attempted to manoeuvre himself away. Eleanor's eyes were scanning the bedroom, no doubt quickly ascertaining whose bed was whose. "Why are you…?"

"I saw Evans at breakfast and I asked how you were." Eleanor's lips curled at the corners as she clearly spied James' bed, which was strewn with dirty clothes and Quidditch magazines. Remus, still trying to sidle away, watched as she turned her attention to Sirius' bed and he wondered whether or not she would ask about him and what she had undoubtedly read in the _Daily Prophet_, as she turned back to him and continued, "And she told me that you hadn't been well, so I thought I'd come and see you."

"But…but…" Remus mumbled, his head aching as he struggled to understand what she was saying, or perhaps from having too much sleep. Eleanor watched him, amused, as she sat down at the end of his bed, carefully avoiding his feet beneath the blankets. "The password…I don't understand."

"Lily gave it to me," she said matter-of-factly and Remus, still getting over his surprise at seeing Eleanor enter the room, rubbed his eyes again and exhaled deeply before asking, "And you got through the Gryffindor common room without anyone noticing?"

Eleanor gave an idle shrug and Remus couldn't help but laugh and shake his head as he said, "If they find you here…"

"Well they'll just have to not find me, won't they?" Eleanor sat back, allowing her head to rest against the bedpost as she tucked her knees under her chin. Despite his confusion at her sudden appearance, Remus was impressed. Not many girls – well, not many girls he knew – would risk breaking into another house's common room, let alone manage to get away with it. Remus blushed as he thought of the way Lily would have smiled as Eleanor asked her for the password, speculating at what might happen. But as Eleanor sat at the end of the bed, her eyes still taking everything in, Remus knew he would be lying to himself if he thought he did not welcome her company.

"I've never been inside here before…sort of…ornate, isn't it?" Remus shrugged; he had never really thought about it in those terms before. Then, as if she had suddenly lost interest in the topic they were pursuing, she turned to Remus and asked, "How are you feeling?"

Guilt swam through Remus' stomach as he thought of the true answer to her question. If she knew the real reason why he had been sleeping for two days, there was no way she would have risked coming here to see him. If she knew what he really was, there was no way she would be so happy to sit on the bed with him now. _"We'll see who the child is when she finds out what you really are. Then we'll see if she'll smile at you like that."_ The words Sirius had spoken that day in the Great Hall floated back from the past and, however much Remus had hated him for speaking them, he knew that what Sirius had said was true. As he watched Eleanor waiting for some sort of response, Remus knew that whatever he was about to say would be a lie and that she deserved nothing more than the truth.

"Loads better," Remus said in a small voice, unable to give her a true answer. Eleanor nodded, satisfied with his response, and, after allowing her legs to fall flat on the bed, she very carefully turned to lie back beside Remus. Remus flinched away, disguising this to look as though he were politely allowing her more room to lie down. As he watched Eleanor's head hit the pillow he had just forsaken, he couldn't help but be seized by irrational fear. He had never been in this position before; maybe his bed smelt? It was, after all, a boys' dormitory and perhaps Remus had grown used to the smell of stale sweat and many other dubious body odours. Although, Eleanor was on the Quidditch team and Remus knew for a fact, having spent many an afternoon waiting patiently for Sirius and James to get changed, that nothing could smell worse than those changing rooms.

Eleanor sighed lightly and Remus could feel through the blankets that she was kicking off her shoes. Conscious of how close her elbow was to the side that was wounded, Remus shuffled away further, only to be met with a suspicious look from Eleanor as she asked, "Going cold on me now are we, Mister Lupin?"

Remus cursed himself as he felt the way he flushed, unable to draw his eyes away from hers, which were mocking him.

"No," he bumbled unconvincingly, pulling up the blankets that had slipped a little so they were pinned tightly beneath his chin. Eleanor turned on her side so that she was facing him; nodding disbelievingly, her eyes were still teasing as he said, "I just don't want you to catch what I've had, that's all."

Slightly horrified, Remus watched as Eleanor lifted herself partially above the bed, pulling out the blanket that was pinned beneath her and burying herself under it. Remus tried to move away yet he very quickly realised that if he moved any further, he would fall off of the bed. He could feel beneath the blankets Eleanor's clothed legs brushing up against his very naked one and, entirely forgetting the pain in his side, he turned to face her and said, very flustered, "No, you mustn't…"

"Why not? Frightened that it will ruin your reputation…?" Remus tried to protest as he batted her hands away, yet she was too quick and relentless. She laughed, watching him writhe helplessly as she continued dramatically, "Yes! I can see the headlines now: 'Hogwarts student's head-boy hopes scuppered by sordid sex scandal'."

Trying not to laugh, Remus continued to fail to push her hands away, and Eleanor reached and began to pull the blankets up over both of their heads. Remus allowed himself to laugh, a little desperately, as he attempted to pull them back down with the words, "Don't do that…"

Eleanor laughed, wriggling slightly so the blanket was pinned beneath her head and, refusing to move, she watched as Remus finally gave in, and lay blinking desperately up into the tented fabric. He could feel her hands creeping slowly across his shoulder, gently caressing the flesh just behind his ear with one finger as she said, "Give up?"

Remus turned to face her and as he moved he allowed his body to press tightly against hers. Eleanor grinned, obviously pleased with her victory, as Remus pushed her hair from out of her eyes and said with a sigh, "Do I really have much of a choice?"

Eleanor thought for a moment, her eyes rolling back, before snaking her arms around Remus' neck and saying, "Never." Remus smiled before he kissed her, allowing himself to fully relax, forgetting the worries of before. Suddenly, it couldn't seem more unimportant what she thought about the dormitory or what excuse he would have to use to explain away his injuries. All of a sudden it was as though Remus really couldn't care less as he felt the kiss between them intensify, causing his whole body to become tense with anticipation. Yet to Remus' disappointment, the kiss was broken and as he opened his eyes, he saw Eleanor lying motionless beside him, listening carefully to the noise that was coming from the opposite side of the room.

Remus winced as he heard what had caused Eleanor to withdraw: sounds of stifled laughter coming from somewhere near the door. Reluctantly, Remus reached up and, after feeling for the edge of the blanket, slowly pulled it down to see James and Sirius standing by the open door. James was buckled over, his glasses slipping down his nose, his laugher apparently unstoppable now, clutching desperately at his sides, the piece of parchment that he was holding (which Remus assumed was the Marauder's Map) slipping from his grasp. Sirius, however, was not laughing, despite the amusement that was written clearly in his face. Remus could not take his eyes away and, as Eleanor turned to look over her shoulder at the two boys that had just entered, Remus watched Sirius flick his newly cut hair from his face. Raising an eyebrow suggestively, his eyes were fixed on Remus as he said, "Mischief Managed, Moony" before grabbing James by the arm, and pulling the laughing boy out of the room.

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Cringe is the one word that springs to mind. Please let me know what you think xxx


	57. Chapter 57

A/N: Hello! As promised, at the first opportunity I have had I am uploading. And as a special treat here are three chapters for you to read and enjoy. I have been working 14 hour shifts at work which means I've been knackered yet I shall be rich!

Rumours fly in Hogwarts. Could they be the key to understanding the secrets surrounding Snape and the Room of Requirement?

Thank you to Meg and Rosie for all there help.

Disclaimer: I don't own them so there is no need to sue!

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"Elemental magic is perhaps the most complicated and subtle art that you will ever have to grasp. Indeed, many spend their whole lives attempting to outwit the elements and yet never achieve complete control. If you open your textbooks at page 127 and refer to the case of Millicent Malthrop of 1879…"

"Pssst!" Remus kept his eyes firmly fixed on Flitwick at the front.

"…therefore I would like to stress that although elemental magic is clearly an important concept, it shall only be tested in theory in your N.E.W.T.s. However…" Flitwick broke his speech by leaning forward and, raising one finger, joyfully stressing, "to fully appreciate the fine nuances of this art, I have devised an activity today to aid your understanding."

"Psst!" Again the hissing came and again Remus ignored it, turning his attention to his textbook instead and pretending to be engrossed.

"As some of you have perhaps already deduced, the element we shall be focusing on in today's lesson is water. I'm sure many of you can remember the lessons dedicated to the Aguamenti Charm back in September." Remus turned his attention from his book for the briefest of moments to catch Peter give the equipment in front of him an unhappy glance. No wonder the prospect of today's lesson was making him nervous. Last time Peter had attempted to perform the Aguamenti Charm in class he had accidentally squirted James in the face, only to be hit back with a hex that left his face covered in brown blotches for days.

Flitwick jumped nimbly down from the pile of books upon which he had been standing to walk amongst the class, the top of his head barely visible above the desks. "I have outlined your aims and objectives clearly on the board, but, due to the complex nature of the charmwork, the expectations are not high. However–" Flitwick's voice suddenly became shrill, obscuring a third "Psst!" from the desk behind Remus, "–this does not mean that you should approach the task with complacency. Twenty house points will be awarded to the partnership that best completes the assignment."

Flitwick returned to his desk at the front of the class, indicating with a toss of his head that he expected his students to divide into pairs and get on with the work. Remus gathered his books and began to move towards Peter, who still looked rather helpless as he pulled the empty goblet towards him and squinted up at the board. Yet before he could take the seat beside him, Sirius had moved from his place behind Remus and intervened, positioning himself between his friend and the stool as he said, "James is working with Peter…"

"Am I?" James' head popped up over Sirius' shoulder, his glasses slightly askew. Peter turned from the board, confused, and Sirius shrugged before saying to James, "Yeah, why not? I know you're just longing to 'appreciate the fine nuances' with Wormtail."

Peter moved to speak but Remus, ignoring whatever teasing innuendo was hidden behind his friend's words, plonked his books down on the desk and said, "It's alright, Prongs. I already said I'd work with Peter before class, didn't I, Wormtail?"

"Huh?" Peter replied. Sirius moved back, allowing Remus enough room to pull out the stool and sit down. As Remus' back brushed against his chest, Sirius gave a sharp bark of laughter before turning to James and saying, "Come on then. Let's go and…" Sirius hesitated, his voice adopting the pitch he always used when he was imitating Flitwick, before continuing, "…master the subtle art of elemental magic."

James grinned, but this smile soon disappeared as Flitwick, who had approached unseen by all the Marauders except Remus, tugged at the bottom of Sirius' robes and, in a way that let them all know that he had heard the boy's impression, asked, "Is there a problem here?"

"No, Sir," Sirius mumbled, sounding a little embarrassed, before grabbing James by the arm and pulling him over to the desk he had vacated moments before.

Remus, watching as Flitwick moved to a pair of students who couldn't seem to find their goblet, heard Peter say quietly, "He can be quite annoying sometimes, can't he, Moony?"

Remus nodded, thinking back to the week that had just passed and the delight Sirius in particular had taken in reliving every excruciatingly embarrassing detail of he and James entering the dormitory. A week had passed since Sirius' return from his trip to London, which meant that the two of them had had a week to draw their own conclusions on what exactly they had interrupted between Remus and Eleanor. The taunts had been never-ending, and so it was with trepidation that Remus had entered the Charms classroom that morning, knowing sharing a lesson with a certain Ravenclaw wouldn't be particularly easy.

"He's had a lot to think about recently."

Peter nodded, although by the look on his face, Remus could tell he wasn't entirely in agreement. Whatever was said against Peter and his fickle cowardice and slightly sycophantic attitude towards the rest of them, Remus was certain that none of the Marauders would ever deny that, at the heart of it, Peter was honest and loyal. He bore the torment of James and Sirius in particular with more patience than even Remus could have. Although, as time went on, Remus grew concerned that maybe their treatment of Peter would not go entirely unpunished.

A light brush against his shoulder made Remus look up and flush slightly as he saw Eleanor walk past him. As he watched her return to her place beside a rather gawky looking girl with glasses, Remus couldn't help but feel like the whole of the class had been watching; had seen the way she had smiled at him and seen the way he had blushed. In fact, as Remus well knew, it was probably only two people that had noticed and cared and, as he obediently began to copy down the instructions from the board, it was as if he could feel his friends' gazes burning into the back of his head.

"You don't think…" Peter's voice was uncertain and as Remus raised his eyes he saw his friend hesitate for a moment before, encouraged by Remus' silence, he continued, "You don't think that he said anything, do you? To Dumbledore? About Vol…"

The name died on Peter's lips, turning into a shudder, and, placing his quill down for a moment, Remus shook his head, a little confused, and said, "Of course not. What makes you ask that?"

Peter shrugged, throwing a quick glance towards Flitwick, who had returned to his desk at the front of the class, before saying, "But he must know, mustn't he, Moony, a great man like Dumbledore? Surely he must know?"

Remus thought. There had to be a lot of sense in what Peter was saying; after all, did any of them really know what was happening? As far as the Marauders and Lily were concerned all they could do was to put the pieces together and make some kind of sense of what they knew about Sirius' family, about Snape and Regulus. There were always hints in the _Daily Prophet_: talk of more trouble at the Ministry; a shortage of Aurors to handle the increase in workload. The communications with the giants had yet to be re-established despite countless ambassadors being sent and, in most cases, not returning. Yet how could they, five sixth-year students at Hogwarts, know anything about anything? How could they possibly make sense of it all?

Picking up his quill, his eyes once again returning to moving between the board and the parchment, Remus' reply was tight-lipped to mask his own uncertainty. "I think it would be fair to assume that Dumbledore knows more about Voldemort than us."

Semi-silence had descended in the classroom. From behind them, Remus could hear the muffled voices of Sirius and James, although they were speaking so quietly that it was impossible to discern what they were saying.

"Step one: Perform the Aguamenti Charm and fill your goblet with water." Peter had read aloud from his parchment and automatically recoiled back saying nervously, "I think you better do that."

Remus smiled warmly, withdrawing his wand and swiftly performing the charm to fill the goblet. A light laugh from the opposite side of the room caused Remus' eyes to flicker upwards and something inside him flipped as he caught the way Eleanor laughed at her own mistake, wiping a small pool of water off of the desk with her sleeve before, pushing her fair hair behind her ears, concentrating once more. His sight turning involuntarily to James and Sirius, it was Sirius' eyes he caught next, grey and quietly mocking as James peered down at his parchment. Remus turned back round, a little embarrassed, and, after clearing his throat a little, he read, "Step two: Charm the water to retain the shape of the goblet once the goblet is removed."

"It's funny." Unbeknownst to Remus, Peter had caught his glance at Eleanor too and was now smiling rather dreamily at him. "I think everyone expected that it would be Sirius to get a proper girlfriend first and yet you beat us all to it."

"Oh, I don't know, Wormtail…" Remus had tried not to seem too uncomfortable yet his agitation was barely hidden as he pulled his textbook towards him and began to turn the pages rapidly. "I don't really think about it like that, you know."

Peter laughed a little before continuing, "I've never even said two words together to a girl, let alone kissed one."

His eyes scanning the pages before him, willing them to yield their answers, Remus quipped, "And what makes you think that I have?" As he moved his eyes from the page they caught Peter's and, finally, both of them laughed. Flitwick's gaze was immediately upon them and, after a moment of masquerading and fumbling to find his wand, Peter asked in a hushed voice, "What's it like?"

"Getting detention from Flitwick?" Remus hastily responded, not sure that he liked where this conversation could be leading. "You should know, we've all had them often enough. Now let's do this. Stage two…"

"No," Peter said slightly whiningly, shifting uncomfortably on his stool. "I mean…kissing a girl?"

Remus could tell by the heat in his cheeks that all attempts to fight his blush had failed. _Whatever you do_, he thought to himself, very carefully meeting Peter's innocent gaze, _do not look at Eleanor._

"How can I answer a question like that?" Remus busied his hands by straightening his cuffs before continuing a little impatiently, "Oh, I don't know, Peter. Why don't you ask Sirius? He's much more practiced in things like this than I am."

"You know he'd just laugh and not tell me. Or tell me to go and find out by practicing with the giant squid or Hagrid or something…"

Remus couldn't help but laugh; however, this was in no way an indication to Peter that he was willing to answer the question. He was not. Not that he was in any way unwilling to share things with his friends that they would naturally ask. In fact, Remus recognised that of all the Marauders it would be Peter whom he would feel was judging him the least. However, there was something about this particular subject that made him cautious; he knew too well from listening to Sirius and James talk that there were some things that should remain personal, some things that shouldn't even be shared with friends. As Remus looked at Peter he was happy to see that he had accepted Remus' reluctance to answer, and was now leafing through his textbook once more.

A muffled expletive from somewhere behind them caused both Peter and Remus to turn in time to see a great puddle of water oozing across the desk in front of James and Sirius, and dripping onto the floor. The whole class seemed to be sniggering, and as James jumped back in order to avoid watering his trousers, Remus heard Flitwick shout in a shrill voice from the front, "I hope, Mister Potter, that your charmwork will prove a little less haphazard come the exam." Eleanor caught Remus' eyes and, rolling hers, smiled at him before turning away.

"I'm not too sure about the match Friday," Peter mumbled down into his book as Remus, smiling to himself, managed to somehow find the page with the spell that had eluded them until now. After briefly reciting the words under his breath, Remus replied ignorantly, "But the weather's been good for practice lately, hasn't it?"

Peter looked up, his nose wrinkling slightly, before sighing and saying, "But we really have to work hard if we're going to beat Slytherin. The way Bennet has been playing lately…" Remus nodded as if he understood but Peter, having stopped talking long enough to throw a cautious glance back to Sirius – who had somehow managed to rectify James' mistake – continued nervously, "I'm just worried about Sirius; with Regulus playing and all that. He'll kill him, won't he, Moony?"

"I hadn't really thought about that," Remus confessed and, in all honesty, he hadn't. But before Remus had a chance to contemplate the point any further Flitwick had leapt up from his seat at the front, clapping his hands delightedly as he exclaimed, "Oh, well done, girls! Well done!" All the class turned to where Eleanor and her partner were sat, their task completed; the water was shimmering, midair, in shape. "Twenty points awarded to Ravenclaw!"

Some of the Gryffindors groaned. Beside him, Peter closed his textbook, obviously relieved that the pressure of completing the task had been lifted. From behind them James said something to Sirius, who gave a sharp snort of laughter. Yet Remus felt all of a sudden strangely proud that it was Eleanor who had completed the task first and that she had chosen, of all people, to be with him.

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Remember to hit that review button and let me know what you think. See you over at the next chapter! xxx


	58. Chapter 58

A/N: Sirius reveals his plans to make a certain infamous purchase and the Marauders learn a secret that all the school seems to already know.

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"A flying motorbike isn't exactly what I'd call an investment…"

"Wouldn't that technically be illegal?"

"And where would you get something like that anyway?"

Sirius pulled a face at his friends' incessant questioning as they sat down to lunch.

"What's with the Spanish Inquisition? I always expected to be mothered by Moony–" Sirius paused long enough to shoot Remus a mocking smile before turning to James and, filling his goblet with pumpkin juice, saying, "–but I expected more from you, Prongs."

James squinted through his somewhat smeared lenses, displeased by Sirius' words, but he was still aware enough of Peter's sneaky attempt to take the largest piece of cake to bat away his hand. "All I'm saying is that…"

"There are better ways to spend a fortune," Remus interjected, not raising his eyes to Sirius, who he knew would be shooting him daggers.

"Exactly," Peter piped in.

Sirius sighed dramatically, thrusting his hands into his pockets, before laughing shortly and replying, "Who said anything about spending a fortune? I have it on very good authority that, although it wouldn't come cheap, it would be well worth it."

"Whose authority would this be then?" James snapped, obviously still a little annoyed. Sirius swept his hair from his face and, after taking a large bite out of a sandwich, said through a mouthful of bread, "Just some relation…anyway, it's not like I'd be getting it next week or anything; over the summer probably. I just expected a little more excitement, although no doubt all these mundane concerns are your doing."

Remus' smile was all sarcasm as he took a sip of tea before replying, "Oh, I think some of us could benefit from being a little bit more pragmatic from time to time."

Sirius' eyes were dark but, by the way his lips had curled at the corners, Remus knew that he had conceded the joke. Since his return from London it would be fair to say that Remus had found Sirius a lot less temperamental. Although they had yet to return to the intimacy they had lost the day Sirius had hinted at Remus' secret in front of the Great Hall, it was almost as if the weight upon their tempestuous friendship had lessened since Sirius had been away. Maybe it had been due to his absence? Or maybe it was that since Remus had accepted Eleanor as his girlfriend he had gradually grown to be more relaxed? Whatever it was, Remus was pleased for it. It seemed, for the moment at least, that the Sirius that had returned from London was the Sirius that had been sorely missed by them all.

"I didn't know you were giving lessons." Sirius' eyes were mocking once more and, as he reached to take another sandwich, Remus could fully see how much he was relishing the taunt. "Next time you're giving one be sure to let me know."

James was smiling wryly. Peter was watching Remus expectantly, waiting for his response. Finally, after debating with himself for a moment or two, Remus smiled gently and said as matter-of-factly as possible, "I don't know, Padfoot; it's all a matter of timing. I've just been very busy lately."

James burst into laughter and Peter, after a moment of his small eyes moving between the two friends, eventually understood. Sirius smiled although he was sulking and, after taking a huge gulp of tea that was still a little too hot, he grumbled, "You know, I think I preferred you when you were coy."

Remus laughed despite himself, yet the humour was quickly lost as he heard a familiar voice behind him ask, "Room for one more?" Obediently Peter shuffled along the bench and James, who was desperately attempting not to laugh, swallowed the crust of his sandwich and said, "Alright, Figg? Ready to watch us thrash Slytherin tomorrow?"

Eleanor shrugged and, letting her bag slip from her lap to the floor, she said, "You've got a half decent chance, I'll give you that, but it will be tough." Remus tentatively allowed his eyes to travel to Sirius, who wasn't, unlike James, trying not to laugh. Indeed, it was almost as if this situation wasn't even remotely funny and it was the most natural thing in the world for Eleanor to sit down beside them. His face was polite, albeit fixedly so, and his eyes had lost a little of their reluctance as he agreed quietly, "It will be tough. The way they played against Hufflepuff the other week…they didn't stand a chance."

Stunned by Sirius' apparent change of attitude, Eleanor turned to Remus, at a loss as to what to say. Remus looked away, a little embarrassed that she should turn to him so instantaneously, and instead helplessly sought a diversion amongst the faces in the Great Hall. In some way he found one; at the end of the Hall, close to the fireplace, Remus spied Lily standing with Snape, her face inclined towards his as though she was listening intently to what he was saying. Eleanor, it seemed, had followed his gaze and as she poured herself a cup of tea she said, "They've got detention together, didn't you hear?"

At once James was stern, forgetting himself a little as he leant intently across the table and asked, "No. What for?"

Eleanor seemed a little surprised at their ignorance. Peter had let his cutlery clatter to his plate; Sirius had sat back, his arms folded across his chest, immediately on guard. Eleanor turned to Remus, who shrugged to indicate that he hadn't known either then, after taking a drink, she began, "I thought it would be all round the school by now. They were caught, how should I put this, 'canoodling' on the seventh floor?"

"No!" Peter gasped. James was shaking his head; his face had flushed the deepest shade of red Remus had ever seen as all the Marauders had automatically turned their attention to him.

"No. That can't be right. She wouldn't…"

Eleanor raised her eyebrows slightly.

"James is right," Remus agreed, though something about the way he had just witnessed Lily and Snape speaking together made him doubt his own words. "Lily wouldn't do something like that. They're just friends."

"I don't know, I think it was Dumbledore himself that caught them, and he's not exactly going to get it wrong, is he?" Sirius looked away from James, unwilling to let his friend see that he thought Eleanor could be right. "You know the Ravenclaw captain? Well, her boyfriend is a prefect and he was there when Dumbledore caught them together…"

"This is about what had supposedly happened just didn't seem right.

"Well…I…" Eleanor's voice had lost confidence and she stood up swiftly, nearly sending the cup of tea she had just poured toppling over. Remus stood to join her without thinking. All the seated Marauders looked up as she picked up the bag she had let fall to her feet and said, "It seems my work here is done."

Peter moved to speak but Sirius raised one hand, silencing him.

"Eleanor, wait!" Remus called after her, abruptly skidding to a halt as she turned to face him, disappointment clearly written in her eyes. A little breathless from his short run, Remus began, "Please…it's not your fault…it's no one's fault, it's just that James is…"

"I know." Eleanor nodded as she said this and then, as her eyes fell to the floor, she laughed a little before shaking her head and saying, "I just wish I hadn't been the one to tell him. Talk about a way to endear myself…"

"It's not like that…" Remus was desperate to reassure her that her attempts to gain favour with his friends hadn't gone unnoticed. Yet Eleanor was far more perceptive than Remus gave her credit for and it was her turn to reassure as she placed her hand on Remus' arm and repeated the words, "I know."

Remus dumbly nodded in reply. Eleanor, happy that Remus was now a little calmed, withdrew her hand and, after shifting on her feet for a moment, pushed her hair from her face before saying, "For what it's worth, I don't believe it either. Everyone knows that they're close but…" She hesitated before a warm smile engulfed her features as she shrugged and said, "Everyone knows she likes James."

Remus allowed himself to laugh and, with a small nod of the head, Eleanor smiled once again and walked away. As he returned to his place at the lunch table Remus could tell by his friends' expressions that not a lot had been said in his absence. Peter was twitching nervously as Sirius pushed a slice of cucumber moodily about his plate with his fork. But, perhaps most worrying of all, James' face seemed almost impassive as he acknowledged Remus' return with his eyes.

"It can't be true…" Peter mumbled to himself. "Lily would never do a thing like that."

"Oh, I don't know, Wormtail," Sirius snapped in response, causing Remus to cringe; "I'm sure Miss Evans can be quite as devious as the next girl."

This should have been James' cue to defend her but instead it was almost as if he hadn't heard. He blinked slowly, his tight-lipped smile unwavering as he poured himself more pumpkin juice and took a large gulp.

"We'll find out, Prongs, you hear me?" Sirius' grey eyes were determined and Remus watched as he shook his fork dangerously close to James' face. "We'll find out if any of this is true and, if it is, we'll make him pay…"

"For what, exactly?" Remus couldn't help but say. Sirius turned his attention to him, and he attempted to sound as reasonable as possible as he continued, "If something has happened, or did happen, what use would it be to do anything to either of them? I don't believe it either, Prongs, but if there is any truth to this then walking around hexing people left, right and centre won't change anything."

"It will make Snivellus see a little of that sense he likes dictating of late," was Sirius' short reply before his attention was drawn away from Remus as James said, "Moony's right, Padfoot. There's no point."

"I don't believe this!" Sirius' fist pounded the table a little harder than anyone expected, causing a group of second-year Hufflepuff students that were just passing to turn around. In order to divert their attention Sirius shot them a charismatic smile before hissing lowly at James, "I can't believe you're agreeing with Remus! What about all that you said at Christmas about the way you feel about her? Have you suddenly forgotten all that?"

It was James' turn to sound dangerous as, in the most controlled way he could manage, he replied, "'Course I haven't, but the way I feel has nothing to do with it."

"For Merlin's sake, James, it has everything to do with it!" Once again their voices had become a little too raised and now McGonagall, who had just entered the Great Hall, had turned her watchful eyes in their direction. Remus saw this and attempted to hush his friends yet Sirius was long past listening as he continued, "How can you just sit back and watch what's happening between them? Have people say what they're saying? How can you be happy to let something like this happen?"

"Because," James responded sharply, pulling his bag from underneath the table with one hand, and Peter up with the other, "there's not a sodding thing I can do about it!" And with that he left the Hall, pulling a helpless looking Peter behind him. McGonagall had watched them go and, after her eyes fixed on Remus momentarily, she turned her attention to a gaggle of Gryffindor girls that were blocking the doorway.

"It's not right," Sirius grumbled darkly, his brow furrowed.

"If it's true, you mean," Remus said and at once his friend's eyes were furious. "You mean, if it's true then it's not right."

Sirius seemed to think for a moment, his mind silently processing all that had been said. Finally, pulling his things towards him and standing, his eyes were fixed on Remus as he said with cold resolution, "Well, let's go and find out."

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The tension! As always, I am eager to know what you think I'm doing right and wrong xxx


	59. Chapter 59

A/N: Sirius confronts Lily about her relationship with Snape.

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Remus had been reluctant to follow, yet he knew, by the way Sirius had spoken with such determination, that it would be better for whoever was on the receiving end of Sirius' temper if Remus was there. With his eyes fixed on the back of his friend's head, Remus had struggled to keep up with Sirius, who had suddenly picked up his pace, pushing past a group of girls that sighed dreamily as he passed to make his way out into the sunlit courtyard. Remus smiled apologetically to the girls as he passed them, yet it couldn't have mattered less as their eyes, like Remus', were fixed on Sirius, who was striding purposefully through the cloisters, his mouth forming a name that Remus couldn't make out. But as he stepped outside, the breeze hitting him suddenly in the face and making him regret his decision to leave his scarf in the dormitory, Remus could see to whom Sirius had been calling as Lily turned around, her hair flying in front of her eyes, while Sirius continued to advance towards her.

"What's all this about your private moments with Snivellus?" Remus heard Sirius ask hotly, the question almost obscured by the stiff breeze. Remus finally came to stand alongside Sirius; he could see the disdain etched in every illuminated feature of Lily's face as she curled her nose and shot, "What?"

"Come on, Padfoot," Remus said, in an attempt at warning, his hand automatically seeking Sirius' arm. Yet Sirius flinched away as though electrocuted and his eyes were still on Lily as he said, "Apparently all the school knows…"

"Oh, piss off, Black!" she spat and turned around, her heels clicking on the cobbles below as she strode furiously away. Sirius was unrelenting and Remus knew, even before anything was said, that this wasn't over yet.

"Just leave it alone now."

Sirius was shaking his head, a half smile playing about his lips as he began to advance once more with the words, "Not until she tells us."

"Tells you what?" Lily had halted and turned once more, her face shadowed by the large, stone pillars. "What is there to tell?"

"You have detention…"

"Yes."

"With Snivellus?"

"If you mean Severus, then yes. But I don't see what this has to do with you or anyone else." A stalemate was reached. Sirius had one eyebrow raised in challenge, which Lily returned with a saccharine smile. Remus took one step forward and, catching Lily's eye, he attempted to diffuse the situation, saying, "What he means, Lily, is what happened to make you get detention?"

Lily said nothing for a moment; then her lip twitched and her tone became slightly irrational as she swept her arm in Sirius' direction with the words, "I know what he thinks; I know what the entire school thinks! What business is it of yours whether it's true or not?"

"If it's hurting James then it has everything to do with me!" Remus' eyes were fixed on Sirius, who grimaced as Lily gave an erratic burst of laughter, shook her head and said, "God, is that what this is all about? Potter's sent you to wrangle the truth out of me?"

"And what truth would that be?" Sirius asked. Remus watched as Lily fully absorbed this question, her green eyes losing some of their fire as she shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. _She doesn't want to be here_, Remus thought as he caught the way she looked helplessly at the door she had been walking towards. She didn't want to be questioned at all. But it was no use; Sirius was not going to let this go and as he watched the way the anger in her face was breaking, he pushed on.

"Come on, Evans. What was it?" Sirius' voice was dripping with venom as he leant against the pillar by which Lily was standing and continued, "Was it the way his hair was slicked about his face? Or was it the way you couldn't get past that nose to kiss him?"

Without warning Lily started forward, furiously fumbling in her robes to locate her wand, but Remus was quick to intervene and all at once he had moved forward, thrusting himself between the two, forcing Sirius to move back. Lily's face was twisted with fury and revulsion as she spluttered over Remus' shoulder to Sirius, "If you knew what you were really asking…" Her green eyes were dangerously glossy and, when she moved away and Remus took a step to the side, her bottom lip trembled as she looked to Remus and said, "Your friends have disgusting imaginations!"

"So it's a lie then?" Sirius' voice had lost a little of its hurtfulness; obviously, Lily's words had had an impact on him. "What the school is saying? What Mathais Brown saw?"

"Of course it's a lie!" Lily's voice broke as angry tears rolled down her flushed cheeks. "How could you even think it?" Sirius was silent, his eyes scanning Lily's tearful face. Lily shook her head down at the floor, smiling sadly before continuing, "You don't have a clue, do you? You don't, any of you, have the first idea!"

Sirius' continuing silence was answer enough and as he shrugged Lily moved away, walking out into the sunlight of the courtyard. At once Remus moved to follow, yet Sirius prevented him with the words, "Where are you going?"

"What do you mean, where am I going?" Remus replied rhetorically, at a loss to understand Sirius' indifference. "I'm going after Lily to see if she's alright."

"She will be."

"Well there's only one way to find out," Remus replied, a little angry at Sirius' flippancy as he followed the path that Lily had just taken. After a few paces he saw her, sitting on one of the marble benches on the opposite side of the courtyard, shaded in ivy. Without even a glance over his shoulder to see if Sirius had left, Remus took a tentative step towards the alcove, causing Lily to look up from the grass and attempt to smile.

"Come sit," Lily said with a sniff, patting the bench beside her with one hand and wiping the tears from her cheeks with the other. Remus sat, relieved to be out of the sun, and, after allowing a moment of silence to exist between them, he asked, "Are you okay?"

"You know, it's funny; out of everyone in school that's come up and asked me a question today, you're the first one to ask me if I'm alright."

Remus nodded, not surprised that this would be the case. Even though Lily's eyes were dry she still looked close to tears; she glanced down to see that the collar of her shirt was skew-whiff and, moving to straighten it, her voice wavered as she said quietly, "Why is it that everyone at this school is so willing to believe the worst of everyone?"

Remus shrugged lightly before replying, "I don't know. Sometimes I don't think they are capable of anything else." He paused, watching the way Lily pushed her hair behind her ears before raising her eyes to look at the sundial in the centre of the courtyard. After swallowing hard and shifting his weight so that his buttocks didn't freeze beneath him he asked, "What happened, Lily?"

Lily shrugged and, after smiling sadly and mumbling something under her breath, she turned her eyes from the sundial to Remus and began, "I followed him, just like we agreed I should, but I guess I wasn't that good at hiding myself…"

"Is that why you were caught on the seventh floor? Because you followed him?" Lily simply nodded in response and her eyes dropped as she nervously continued, "I thought he hadn't seen me. I'd watched as Mathais left the corridor and I waited round the corner…waiting for him to go in…" She stopped, her words interrupted by an inarticulate sob as her expression crumbled and she buried her face in her hands, mumbling into them, "I didn't know what he was doing. I didn't see him coming, I swear…"

"It's okay," Remus said soothingly, reaching out to place his hand on her shoulder. Lily raised her head at the touch and, even though she had been sobbing, Remus could see that her eyes were tearless.

"It's not, though. I just feel so…" She turned her eyes to the sky and, half-blinded by sunlight, she said, "I don't know how I feel." Beneath his palm Remus felt Lily take a deep, shuddering breath, her back rising and falling with the weight of it, before she continued, more controlled than before, "We argued when he found me. He was so angry that I followed him. He said that I should have trusted him enough not to need to, and that he trusted me enough to ask if I wanted to know." Remus said nothing, knowing that no words were needed for her to continue. "He started accusing me of following him because James had asked me to; saying that I hadn't got a mind of my own anymore; that I'd been indoctrinated into his way of thinking." Another deep breath and Lily pressed on, more quietly than before, "He then wanted to know if me and James were…and how I felt and if I'd done anything about it." She blushed deeply. "I didn't tell him anything but he…"

"What?" Remus asked, a little breathless, as Lily lowered her head, shaking her hair in front of her face. Finally, after a moment or two of silence, she pushed her hair back and began, "It was almost as if I didn't have to, as if it was irrelevant whether or not I answered at all. I could feel the thoughts loosening in my mind like they were being pulled from me and…" She paused again, her eyes widening as she looked earnestly at Remus. "…by the look on his face, I could tell that he knew."

At this Remus removed his hand from her shoulder and, flexing it slightly, he placed it on his lap with the other. Lily was clearly shaken; no doubt more affected by the words of others than anyone had seen. Yet it was not this that bothered Remus the most; Sirius' coldness had shocked him. Even when Lily had grown tearful he had shown no signs of sympathy. Loyalty was one thing, but vindictiveness was another. Although Lily was silent, Remus could tell that she was a little relieved at sharing her anxiety.

"Do you know what this means, Lily?" Remus asked slowly. Lily looked confused; her eyes narrowed, her brows knitting together. Yet, after the briefest of blushes, she nodded, her eyes fixed on Remus' as he continued, "Now we know what Snape's been doing in the Room of Requirement."

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Any guesses? Are you, my dear readers, as smart as Remus is? Opinions and reviews are welcome and encouraged. Expect more updates shortly. Thank you for taking the time to read xxx


	60. Chapter 60

A/N: Thank you to those who have religiously stuck with this and continue to read and review. And for those of you who are reading but have yet to tell me what you think, now is your chance. Whether it is good or bad I would love to have your opinion on what I have written so far, and maybe your ideas on where you think the story could be heading.

Anyway, after that little side thought, we return to our story and Remus in the present. Remus' grief is interrupted by a familiar friend.

Thank you to Megan and Rosie for ironing out all my niggly mistakes.

Disclaimer: I respect J.K.Rowling far too much to ever claim Harry Potter was mine. No need to sue.

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With a hiss, the fire is extinguished; the shrill wind circulates the room, stirring the heavy drapes that are pulled across the windows. All at once the room is plunged into darkness, all at once the warmth is gone, and as Remus opens his eyes from his waking-dream he finds that the shapes that floated beneath his eyelids are now shadows in the dark. He is reluctant to move. The sheets feel so heavy on his body; the dust clinging to the fabric like the fabric clings to skin. He blinks and the shapes vanish as he stares up into the threadbare canopy above, every fold and every crease leaden overhead. Yet the oppression of the bed is comforting to him, and as he slowly slides his legs together beneath the sheets, Remus feels as if this shadowy prison could save him from his grief – if only he could stay here for a little while longer.

But his head is throbbing; throbbing so acutely that it hurts to blink and strain his eyes towards the shimmering embers that still smoulder behind the grate. Remus shifts his weight so he is half sitting, supporting himself on his elbows as he raises a hand to his face to rub the weariness from his eyes. Again the throbbing; again the noise, and as he removes his hand, he hears for the first time the relentless rain pelting the glass of the windows; there is nothing but this pattering of water to break the silence of the house.

As he moves, the pounding becomes more pronounced, only this time Remus thinks that it must be the thunder that is chasing after the lightning that has just briefly illuminated the room in silver. In the sharp burst of light, Remus, getting to his feet, caught his reflection in the tarnished glass above the fireplace. His face seemed as ghostly as the apparition he could have sworn he saw earlier, lounging on the bed he has just vacated; his face was just as drawn and grey. Yet his eyes were devoid of all humour, his lips drained of all smiles. As he now shifts experimentally on his feet, the bitter laughter that haunted him is overpowered by the pounding that returns once more.

The noise is hollow; a booming that is not as distant as the passing storm echoes through the house. Remus stoops to retrieve the robes he let slip at the fireside; as he puts them back on, his fingers balling the fabric, the noise comes again, louder and more incessant than before.

Retrieving his wand, Remus whispers "_Lumos",_ and his heart feels heavy as he opens the door, once again entering the corridor that is bathed in bluish light. The stairway creaks as the house groans in the wind; tired, perhaps, as Remus is, of the turbulence outside. The main staircase, when Remus reaches it, appears to be dripping with shadow; the dark light streams through the windows upfront as the rain continues to roll down. The pounding continues and, blinking to clear his head of his nightmares, Remus takes a deep breath and steadies himself before, reaching out, he opens the front door.

The storm outside is passing, yet far away, Remus can still hear the thunder lingering. The light of his wand seems pale all of a sudden, as the orange of the streetlamp backlights the figure that has been knocking for what seems like forever at the door. A weak smile and Remus moves aside to allow entrance to Grimmauld Place and, after a brief sniff and a shake of a sodden head, a familiar voice says, "Wotcher, Remus."

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Reviews and opinions welcome and encouraged! See you over at the next chapter! xxx


	61. Chapter 61

A/N: Back to the past now and the truth about what Snape has been doing in the Room of Requirement is finally revealed, and the long awaited match between Slytherin and Gryffindor arrives.

Disclaimer: I don't own it so there is no need to sue.

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"So Snivellus has been using the Room of Requirement to swot up?" James was talking to Remus, although his eyes were not on him as he searched through his drawers for a clean pair of socks for Quidditch. Remus, his back pressed against the post at the end of James' bed, sighed to himself before replying, "It's more complicated than that. Legilimency isn't something you can learn from any standard textbook. It's not something that they're ever going to teach us here."

"But why would Snape want to learn it?" Peter asked, his voice thin as he called through the bathroom door. Remus moved his eyes from the door to Sirius, who was listening intently despite appearing suddenly interested in the view from one of the windows. It did look like it was going to rain.

"I think he's going to use it…as a weapon…" Immediately, Sirius had turned round, his face drawing into a solemn scowl as he took a step towards James' bed and asked, "What do you mean, as a weapon?"

"Think about it," Remus began, feeling the mattress sag slightly as James sat down to pull on his socks. "If you wanted to fight someone and you weren't as physically able as some, what better way to give yourself an advantage?" Sirius said nothing as he cast another furtive glance at the window, no doubt troubled by the darkening sky, heavy with black clouds. James removed his glasses and as he began to clean them on his Quidditch shirt he said, "But what makes her so sure that this is what he's been doing?"

James' words were nonchalant; he was trying his best to conceal from his friends just how relieved he was at knowing for certain that all the rumours had been lies. Sirius hadn't seemed that surprised that they'd proven false; in fact, Remus had noticed he had been subdued since the confrontation with Lily in the courtyard, perhaps regretful of the way he had questioned her. None of the Marauders had seen Lily since – her detention with Snape had come and gone – and as the toilet flushed and Peter reappeared, Remus wondered whether she would come to watch the match.

"I suppose she'd know if someone was trying to read her mind," Sirius said darkly as he moved away from the window to his side of the room. Remus watched as Sirius' head disappeared beneath his shirt. As he tugged it on, his hair concealing his face, he asked, "What would he need to practice it?"

"Aside from the Room of Requirement?" Remus asked. Sirius nodded. "I'm not sure. Maybe books from the Restricted Section…"

"I'm sure he'd have no problem getting special dispensation from Slughorn for that," James added.

"…And someone to practice on." Peter looked at Remus bewilderedly and, after silently thinking for a moment, he wriggled uncomfortably in his seat on the bed before saying, "But how would he do that? I mean, with who?"

Both James and Remus turned to Sirius who, half expecting their gazes, gave a sharp laugh before saying bitterly to Peter, "Who better than my sweet little brother?" Peter looked shocked, which only made Sirius laugh again.

"You think so, Padfoot?" James asked, a little disbelievingly. Remus moved to stand, his hand gripping the post as he said, "It makes sense."

"A little bit too much sense," Sirius growled.

Although it was early morning, all light from the sun outside had been eclipsed by the clouds, plunging the dormitory into a fake night. James, like Sirius, looked out the window in concern before standing, ruffling his hair idly, and asking, "But do you think Regulus has been learning Legilimency too?"

Peter took his cue from Remus and stood, hands in his pockets, his small eyes fixed on the floor. Remus watched as Sirius shrugged, one eyebrow raised as he said bleakly, "There's only one way to find out." James nodded once – although not in agreement – and, after throwing a brief glance at the clock on the bed stand, Sirius moved into the centre of the room and said, a little louder than before, "Perfect weather for flying, don't you think?" As if in answer, a dark rumble of thunder sounded in the distance. Peter flinched and Sirius laughed, rolling his eyes at Remus dramatically before pulling James towards him with the words, "Come on, then. Let's go play."

* * *

The sky had broken and the heavens had opened and now the rain was pouring down. The stands were packed, every student sheltering beneath an umbrella that did very little to keep them dry. Peter was huddled on the bench beside Remus, his robes pulled up over his head, his hair slicked wet across his forehead. Lily had turned up, silently taking her position next to Remus with a cold smile before drawing closer to him beneath the umbrella he held. All eyes were on the sky as the commentator, Crispin Thompson, struggled to make his voice heard over the bitter wind.

"Looks like today's teams will have to compete with much more than each other to stand a chance of winning. Both Gryffindor and Slytherin have yet to lose a match this season, but the luck is about to run out for one house as the teams take their positions in the air."

Looking up through the rain, Remus could just about make out the faces of his friends, their forms drenched and robes sodden. Sirius, Althrop and Frost were hovering in front of their rival Chasers and Remus couldn't help but swallow hard as he made out Regulus' form. Beside him he felt Lily tense as the horn sounded and at once Peter sprung to life, jumping to his feet as every Gryffindor automatically lurched forward, craning their necks to see.

"And they're off!" Even the commentator could barely conceal the excitement in his voice as he continued, "Gryffindor take possession immediately. Althrop is hurtling up the field, Frost following close alongside. Looks like Lockholm is attempting to intercept but…" Thompson's voice became strained. "Oof! What spectacular work from the Gryffindor Beaters there!" Remus watched as a Bludger hit a particularly nasty looking Slytherin, Louis Lockholm, squarely in the chest.

"Look!" Peter shouted, tugging on Remus' sleeve to capture his attention and pointing to James, who appeared to be trying to manoeuvre his broom around through the driving rain.

"Potter has seen the Snitch! Looks like there could be trouble. The rain's not doing either Seeker any favours. Surely this will prove a test for their flying skills." James had managed to turn and was now zooming along behind the Snitch, followed by the Slytherin Seeker, Amelia Bennet. Although Remus knew little about the ins and outs of school Quidditch, he could now understand the fuss people had made about Bennet. She appeared unstoppable, nimbly darting out of the way of a Bludger that came hurtling in her direction and missing it narrowly.

"Slytherin gain possession. Lockholm passes to Smithson, who looks to Regulus Black to make a pass." Regulus, eyes fixed on the Quaffle as it was thrown to him, moved slightly in order to make a more comfortable catch. As soon as it was in his hands he made for the goal line and, facing very little opposition except from the rain, he threw it with all his might.

"Ten points to Slytherin," Thompson shouted with little enthusiasm, to be met by cheers from the Slytherin stand. Peter groaned but Lily, shuffling closer to Remus under the umbrella in order to avoid the rain that now seemed to be falling sideways, remained silent. All three of them watched as Sirius flew close behind his brother, perhaps snarling some sarcastic congratulations as he passed, his eyes fixed on the Quaffle that Frost had taken possession of. Then, all at once, their attention was diverted as Thompson shouted, "Foul by Smithson on Fothringay!" Remus watched as one of the Gryffindor Beaters, a tall, stocky boy named Francis Fothringay, slumped over his broom whilst Silas Smithson hovered alongside, a Beater's bat in one hand. "Unbelievable! Seems like Smithson has got away with it as Slytherin regain possession." Regulus had the Quaffle and was now flying rapidly towards the goal line again, narrowly missing James who was struggling to rid himself of Bennet, who was still following closely behind.

"Yet another foul by Smithson, this time on Althrop. Looks like the two Chasers are being separated to prevent more illegal behaviour." Remus watched as a group of players attempted to part the pair. Smithson was laughing as Frost pulled Althrop away, shouting something at the Slytherin as they went.

"A remarkable interception by Sirius Black!" Thompson shouted and at once every Gryffindor was on tenterhooks as they strained their eyes to see through the rain. "Althrop and Frost are struggling to keep up, and it looks like Sirius is not hanging around. The Slytherin Bludgers are proving a little off target. Can Sirius equalise?" Remus' stomach tightened as he watched Sirius throw the Quaffle towards the goal. The horn sounded and the Gryffindor stand erupted into noise.

"Sirius Black scores! Ten points to Gryffindor!" Peter clapped his hands together, but the cheers of the Gryffindors soon changed to one universal intake of breath as Regulus flew hard into the back of Sirius, knocking him off balance. Sirius jolted forward and Remus could hardly bear to watch as he struggled to maintain his seat on his broom.

"Bennet overtakes Potter, who is struggling to control his broom in this wind." James, determined not to be defeated, suddenly changed tactics and, after a moment's direct flight towards Bennet, readjusted his position and plummeted precariously downwards. Sirius, meanwhile, was tailing Regulus, who was attempting to distract Althrop into losing possession.

Remus' heart leapt into his throat as, all of a sudden, Lily shrieked beside him. The whole of the Gryffindor stand were on their feet and Thompson could barely be heard above the howls of the crowd and the wind as he yelled, "Potter's taken a Bludger to the tail and is losing control! Bennet's got every chance to win this game for Slytherin. Blo…!" Thompson narrowly avoided cursing as every spectator watched Sirius and Regulus dive at each other in mid-air. They hit and within moments, most team members had flocked to them, attempting to part the boys who were now fighting viciously. The rain made it hard to see clearly, but Lily's hand pinched Remus' arm as they both watched James hurtle towards the ground, hitting it with a loud crack. Francis Fothringay had somehow managed to restrain Sirius, whilst Regulus attempted to heave himself away from Smithson, who had him held tightly in his arms. Then Sirius, all at once, seemed to notice James' absence and as he turned to see, for the first time, James' lifeless body on the ground, Thompson's voice intruded on the scene with the words, "Amelia Bennet's caught the Snitch. Slytherin win."

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Hope that this story is still pleasing those of you who are reading it. I enjoyed writing this so much I hope it doesn't disappoint. Let me know what you think. Expect more updates soon xxx


	62. Chapter 62

A/N: I'm sorry if some of you were hoping for Padfoot's return. I was never much of a fan of Tonks, especially after HBP but she has grown on me a bit since writing this. Thank you for reading and reviewing. I hope you stick with this until the end and I hope you like where I take you.

Post-match tensions are subdued and you must allow me a little fluffy sideline as two characters finally recognise the reality of what exists between them.

Thank you to Megan and Rosie who help so much with this.

Disclaimer: Despite my constant wondering, I have yet to discover I own Harry Potter. No need to sue.

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The minute Remus heard the door to the dormitory open, his eyes were fixed on Sirius as he entered, shuffling a little hesitantly into the room. Relief flooded over him and, jumping up from his bed, where he had been surrounded by books and papers he wasn't even reading, he swiftly breached the distance between them in order to help his friend. Yet as Remus moved to place his arm round Sirius' shoulders to aid him, he winced in a way that told Remus to be careful, so he adjusted his touch to lightly guide his friend over to his bed.

Each of them was silent for a long time. Remus was thankful that Peter was absent, his nerves having prompted him to scurry off to the library about an hour before. All afternoon they had waited anxiously, having been forbidden from entering the Hospital Wing to see their friends after the match was over. The minutes had dragged by and it had been all that Remus could do to try and keep himself from obsessively studying the Marauder's Map for his friends' locations.

Giving no time for any complaints, Remus dropped to his knees, knowing by the way Sirius was hunched that he would find it difficult to remove his own shoes. As he untied the laces, Remus heard Sirius huff, frustrated by his helplessness, and as he kicked his shoes off, Sirius said, "We both got detention, me and my darling brother, although it'll be after Easter now." Remus remained silent as he moved the shoes to the end of the bed and, sitting down on his own, watched Sirius grimace slightly as he said, "At least we know that even if Regulus has been helping Snape, he doesn't have the first clue about Legilimency…" Sirius hesitated, waiting for Remus' look of bewilderment, before giving a bark of laughter and saying, "If he could read minds, he would have seen my fist coming."

"It's not funny," Remus mumbled and Sirius shrugged before saying, as lightly as he could, "I think it's hilarious."

"What about James? The way he got hurt? How is that even remotely amusing?"

Sirius scowled and attempted to shift back on his bed as he replied snappishly, "Oh I'm not talking about that. Besides, that could have happened regardless of what happened between me and Regulus. He was just caught off guard, that's all."

Remus shook his head, a little disbelieving, and, after running his hand briefly through his hair, said, "No, but it doesn't help, does it? All this violence?"

Sirius cocked an eyebrow, his lip curling in amusement as he said softly, "With a temperament as sweet as yours, Moony, you'll never understand Quidditch." Remus, annoyed that his friend was in some way right, said nothing for a moment. Outside, the sun had set and night had long since crept into the castle. The storm had slowly drifted away and now all that was left of the turbulent weather was a soft wind that whirled around the draughty dormitory. Sirius sighed heavily, recapturing Remus' attention, and, when their eyes met, he looked down as though embarrassed before saying, "Can I ask you something?"

All at once, Remus felt uncomfortable; the intimate way Sirius had asked made him suddenly aware that they were very much alone. However, he did his best to hide his discomfort as he nodded, and, after hesitating for a moment, Sirius continued, "The other day…with Lily…" He paused, his eyes growing sincere. "I was a right git, wasn't I?"

Remus nodded and responded truthfully, "Yes, yes you were."

Sirius appeared to absorb this before hurriedly adding, "You know I don't mean it, though. I hardly ever mean anything like that. It just comes out and I don't hear how it sounds and, before I know it…"

"I know that," Remus said, appearing absentminded as he pulled the map towards him. "But the problem is, does she?"

Sirius shrugged, a little lost in thought, it seemed; his grey eyes were distant. Remus glanced down at the map and saw that Lily was alone in the common room below; passing it to his friend, he suggested, "Why don't you go apologise?"

Sirius nodded once and moved forward slowly on his bed, his feet finding his shoes, and, as he stood up without tying his laces, he asked, "Come with me, though? I don't want you to do it for me but…"

Remus smiled warmly before agreeing, "Alright."

Sirius' shoes had flopped about his feet as he had walked down the spiral stairs ahead of Remus. As they had reached the bottom, Remus had expected to enter the room unobstructed and was surprised when Sirius flung out his arm to halt him. Lily was no longer alone in the common room, and as Sirius moved aside to allow Remus a better look, he saw why it was that he had stopped. Lily was sat in a high-backed chair beside the fireplace, her expression sad as she looked up at James, who was standing in front of her, semi-silhouetted against the flames. Neither of them was speaking, although something about their faces made Remus sure that something had been said before they had arrived. Lily seemed to smile slightly despite herself before shaking her head down at her lap and saying quietly, "When I saw you fall…"

"It doesn't hurt much now," James interrupted hurriedly, his hands thrust in his trouser pockets as he shrugged nonchalantly. "You don't have to worry."

"But I did worry, that's the point, isn't it?" Lily turned her eyes from her lap to look up at James, who was shifting nervously from foot to foot. Although Remus did not turn to look, he could feel Sirius still standing beside him; like him, unable to tear his eyes away. "I shouldn't care."

Remus watched as James blinked slowly, his eyes narrowed as he ventured, a little suspiciously, "Are you saying that you do?" Remus couldn't help but hold his breath as Lily gave a light, albeit desperate, laugh before averting her eyes once more, turning her gaze to the rug beneath James' feet. James' eyes were fixed on Lily's face, illuminated in flickering light, and, with a movement so small that you could have missed it, Lily nodded.

It took every inch of self-restraint Remus possessed not to laugh at the stunned look on James' face as he stood, frozen, before her. Remus was willing him to move and, after a moment of staring down at Lily, perhaps waiting for the moment she would tell him it was all a joke, he slowly took a step towards her. She looked up at the movement and as James dropped to his knees in front of her, Remus saw the way she was trying desperately to avoid his eyes.

It proved too much and as James very gently reached out to place his hands on top of hers, Lily looked at him. Their eyes were fixed on one another and as James gave the smallest of smiles, Lily released a sigh of laughter and turned her hands over so that their palms were touching. James laughed too, a little louder than she had, and as he carefully moved one hand from hers to tenderly press it against her cheek, he still looked astonished by the fact that she hadn't hexed him. Lily moved towards his touch and Remus saw the way she closed her eyes as though relieved. Yet the breath she had started to exhale caught in the back of her throat as James breached the final inches between them and, after nervously pushing his glasses up his nose, pressed his lips to hers.

It was chaste and it was brief, although, to Remus, watching, it seemed as though for that one moment the whole world around them shimmered. The smouldering light from the fire behind them was eclipsed, plunging their faces into darkness, as their mouths met; then, when James moved slowly backwards, they were once again bathed in the glow. With one thumb, he very gently stroked her jaw line, as, gazing down into her face, his voice quietly resolute, he said lovingly, "I never want you to worry about me again."

Lily nodded and smiled, moving to stand; James suddenly stood too, helping her up so that he could hold her fully in his arms.

Remus turned away from the couple, feeling all of a sudden voyeuristic, expecting to find Sirius beaming at him. Instead, he found he was alone and, through the quiet tenderness that had descended, Remus could clearly hear Sirius' loose shoes clipping against the stone before the dormitory door above closed.

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I loved that chapter and hope you did. Let me know what you think. Reviews make me so happy! See you over at the next chapter xxx


	63. Chapter 63

A/N: We return to the present and a conversation between two tentative friends.

Disclaimer: I don't own it so don't sue.

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As Remus leads the way along the corridor and down into the kitchen, the ancient gas lamps hissing into life around them, he can vaguely hear Tonks speaking behind him. Her words are tumbling out with a forced confidence that makes Remus feel uncomfortable as he moves over to the old-fashioned stove. He is thankful that he had the presence of mind earlier to clear up the smashed cup and pool of tea and, with an absentminded flick of his wand, he sets the kettle to boil once more. Tonks has taken her seat at the table behind him and, after gripping the sideboard to steady himself, he seems finally able to focus on what she is saying.

"Shacklebolt told me it would rain but as I said to him, the day I take weather advice from the man who wrongly predicted that hurricane, would be the day I joined the Death Eaters!" Her words are loud in the eerie stillness of Grimmauld Place that Remus has become accustomed to and, as he opens the cupboard to get out two cups, he feels as though his headache is returning.

Tonks has fallen silent and, after setting the cups in their saucers, Remus turns to look at her for the first time since she entered. The sadness of her countenance surprises him; so used is he to the outrageous hair that to see it faded to a mousy brown shocks him. Her face seems pale and her eyes are tired so that despite the light-hearted jokes she is making, Remus feels certain that there is something heavy pressing on her mind. Molly may have hinted at something once or twice, but could it really be the cause of so sudden a change?

"How was Hogwarts?" Tonks asks, pulling Remus out from his silent reflection; he blinks slowly to clear his mind before saying quietly, "Harry will be okay. I trust Dumbledore to make certain of that. Snape was merely…" Remus pauses, hesitating as he thinks back to the scene he had interrupted when he burst into the Potions classroom. "He's tired; we're all tired."

Tonks nods, chewing on her bottom lip, before broaching tentatively, "You do too much. He wouldn't expect it, you know."

Immediately Remus' eyes fix firmly on her heart-shaped face as he attempts to derive whether she is talking about Dumbledore or someone else. Her nervous smile tells him and as he shrugs heavily, turning to pour the boiling water into the cups, he says, "I do it for Harry. I owe it to so many people to keep him safe." As he speaks, the faces of the friends he has lost parade through his mind, and he hardly watches what he is doing as he slices the lemon. James and Lily and Siri…He falters as the lemon splashes into the cup, yet again unable to bring himself to think the name. Yet why should he pause? What harm could it do to remember? As he places the cups down on the table before them, Remus looks at Tonks, thinking that there is something in her face that tells him that she wants to remember too. But the silence is thick between them now; the hesitation draws on; and the only sound that breaks the noiselessness is the tinkle of the teaspoon against the side of the cup.

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I love the character of Remus so much (if you hadn't gathered as much by now). If your reading please review and let me know how you think I'm doing. Expect another update shortly. Thank you so much for sticking with this xxx


	64. Chapter 64

A/N: Apologies for the delay in updates. However, the number of chapters I now upload should satisfy even the most discerning reader. I have been at home (instead of Canterbury where I study) so I haven't had alot of time. Now I've returned I am commited to uploading all of this in the next twenty five days. I hope you enjoy what I've written.

It is the Easter holidays and Remus gets an unexpected visit from a friend. Let's return to the tension, shall we?

Thank you for Megan and Rosie who have, undoubtedly, helped me alot with this.

Disclaimer: All characters and such belong to J.K.Rowling. I do not own them so there is no need to sue.

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Soft light speckled the insides of his eyes lids as all around hummed with gentle heat. The shade of the tree covered Remus as he had allowed his back to slide down the trunk so he was now lying, prostrate, on the cool grass beneath. The shadows of the leaves danced dreamily across his vision as he closed his eyes, sighing ever so gently as he stretched his legs, feeling the grass tickle the bare flesh of his feet as he kicked off his shoes. As silent as it seemed there couldn't be more noise and, as Remus focused on the feeling of his chest rising and falling as he breathed, he could hear the leaves of the canopy above hush softly in the wind like water. Just above his cheek a bee had zipped past. The noise of children playing in their gardens floated to him from somewhere far off in the distance and as Remus shifted slowly he felt the book he had previously been reading slip to the ground with a quiet thud.

For what could have been hours Remus dozed like this; his mind seamlessly flitting from waking to dreaming as all the while he felt the mid spring sunshine fall in patches across his skin. He had removed his jacket some time ago and spread it like a blanket beneath him, resting his head back on the folded sleeves. He felt his flesh grow goose pimpled as a sudden breeze trailed over his shirt, cooling him. The house, which Remus knew was standing about two hundred yards to the right, silently bathed in the afternoon sun. _He was alone_, Remus thought to himself as he took a deep breath, scratching the back of his hand where an ant had just crawled across; he was wonderfully and peacefully alone. As he felt himself once again drifting off to sleep, Remus thought of nothing but the tranquillity of listening to the busy noiselessness of the garden.

From somewhere to his right, Remus heard through his dreaminess a swollen crack and, after wetting his lips, he yawned softly and, without opening his eyes, said, "If the Ministry find out you've been Apparating illegally…" He let the comment hang and, after there was a moment or two of silence, he heard Sirius say, "I think they have a little bit more to worry about at the moment than an underage wizard Apparating."

At this, Remus opened one eye and saw that Sirius was looking down at him, his head cocked to one side. He seemed amused at something and, unwilling to let go of his sleepiness just yet, Remus sighed heavily before closing his eye again and asking, "What?"

He felt Sirius sit down beside him in the shade and, forced to open his eyes by the way Sirius was pushing him over to sit on the jacket, he saw Sirius shrug and say, "Nothing. I'm just not used to seeing you so…relaxed." Remus rolled his eyes and decided it were better not to rise to the bait and, propping himself up with his elbows, he gazed up into the shimmering canopy before asking, "So you and James?"

"Ah, he'll get over it. It was nothing really," Sirius said, picking up the book and opening the front cover to peer inquisitively in at the title. Reading it, his nose wrinkled in displeasure as he turned his gaze to Remus and said, "It's the Easter holidays and you're still reading text books?"

Remus half-smiled and pulled the book away from his friend as he said jokingly, "We're N.E.W.T students now, Padfoot." Sirius nodded, suddenly flinging himself back so he was lying on the grass as Remus had been earlier, his eyes closed. His face completely inscrutable, Remus tried not to sigh too audibly as he asked cautiously, "But what did you argue about?"

"Lover's tiff, really," came Sirius' reply with a flippant wave of one hand. With his eyes still closed he continued, "We were just talking about thinking about getting somewhere…someplace to live after next year. I think he was offended at the thought that I wasn't always going to live with him." Remus watched a scowl creep across his friends face and Sirius opened his eyes, his voice becoming strained with frustration as he carried on, "And maybe I said one or two things I shouldn't have said about Evans, but he'd know I didn't mean it. Besides," Sirius' eyes suddenly grew uncertain as he gave a brief nod to reassure himself up at the sky, "He knows where I am.

"So, Mister Lupin," Sirius suddenly sat up, frustrated at remaining still for so long. "What have you been doing with your holiday asides from swotting up?"

Remus thought. He had been doing a lot of reading that much was true, but no more than he did during term time. He had been home for two weeks now and had made the compulsory visits to elderly relatives to pay his respects. He had some Ministry official visitation very soon after his return home; apparently there had been changes to the laws regarding "Regulation and Disposal of Dangerous Creatures" and that the Lupins should expect the Ministry to keep a very close eye on their son's movements from now on. Remus had silently thought that the changes must be connected to the rise of Voldemort, but kept these ideas to himself. Asides from this, not much had happened. Of course, he could always tell Sirius about the letter he had received from Eleanor, inviting him to meet up near the end of the Easter holidays in Diagon Alley but, somehow, Remus knew that he had better keep that to himself as well.

"Has James seen Lily?" Remus asked and at once Sirius' face darkened. He had not, as far as Remus could deduce, said anything to James of what he and Remus had witnessed in the common room before the end of term and, following suit, Remus had said nothing either. Although it was hard with James suddenly changing; acting like nothing in the world could touch him or make him worried again in the last few days before the holidays. Remus didn't have a clue whether or not James had confided in Sirius, although, up until recently, he would have expected him to. Sirius flicked his hair away from his face and shrugged as he said, "I think they've been writing. I haven't really made the effort to ask."

Sirius' response was cold enough to tell Remus that this was not really a topic open to discussion. Perhaps he had been wrong to assume that the behaviour of his friend had improved since his return from London; since gaining his inheritance. Perhaps he had briefly got better but towards the end of term and his fight with Regulus and his bitter exchange with Lily, to his argument with James now, Sirius' behaviour was actually becoming increasingly erratic. It seemed he was switching between the light-hearted Sirius that it was impossible to dislike to being dangerously unpredictable. Sirius had always been rash; it was part of his charm and the reason Remus, including the other Marauders, had always admired him. However, of late he was growing seriously unstable and, as Remus watched the way his friend was lying beside him, surrounded by peace, he realised for the first time just how troubled he looked.

"Is everything alright?" Remus heard himself asking for the first time in what felt like months. It seemed odd that a question that had been asked by him so frequently had been forgotten. It seemed out of place to be asking it again. Sirius turned his head slightly so he was facing him, his dark hair tumbling about his face as he looked at Remus fixedly. Somewhere behind those indeterminable grey eyes Remus could tell that Sirius was thankful simply for being asked, but this soon disappeared as Sirius gave a sharp bark of laughter before saying, "'Course everything's alright. You always think something's wrong." He turned away before, sitting up slightly, Sirius gave a furtive glance to the house beyond and said, "Quiet here, isn't it?"

"They've gone away for few days. Something to do with dad's work. Look…" Remus began, stretching out briefly before, with a great deal of effort, hauling himself to his feet. The grass was pleasantly cold beneath his bare feet and he bent down, yanking his jacket free from beneath Sirius and, as he shook it down, he said, "Were you thinking of staying here?"

Sirius shrugged as if he hadn't given the matter much thought, looking down at the flattened patch of earth the jacket had been laid on, before replying, "I was thinking that…only for tonight. James will need at least twenty four hours to get over his hissy fit…or mine…whatever…"

Pulling his jacket back on and turning the elbows of the fabric towards to scrape feebly at the grass stains that were there, Remus felt, for some strange reason, reluctant to let Sirius stay.

"I don't know. Mum doesn't really like random people, wizards, just popping in to say hello…"

"Look," Sirius began, rising to his feet and dusting the dirt from the back of his trousers. "I don't have anywhere else to go and Wormtail is just, well…" He scrunched up his nose at the thought of it before continuing, "He's not really an option. I solemnly swear," he said, placing one hand over his heart, "No more illegal magic. I'll be as good as gold, as sweet as a saint. As reliable as a Remus." Remus tried to object to this remark but Sirius, sensing that he had already convinced his friend, bounded forward and, throwing an arm about Remus' shoulder and squeezing him hard, he said, "If only all the world could be as decent as you Moony."

"If only," Remus mumbled to himself as he followed Sirius up the garden path and towards the house.

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Reviews make me happy. Say what you think and how you feel the story is going; things you like and don't like. Opinions are encouraged. See you over at the next chapter! xxx


	65. Chapter 65

A/N: A game of Wizard Chess and, once again, are Remus and Sirius talking in riddles? (Lashings of tension in this one! Enjoy!)

Disclaimer: I don't own, so don't sue.

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Sirius' eyes were slits as he buried his chin in his hands, rubbing down his jaw line and neck absent-mindedly as he stared down at the chess board between them. Sirius had always been a bit of a temperamental chess player; when he was concentrating no-one could beat him, but when his mind was not on the task at hand, he would let his frustration get the better of him and lose spectacularly. As Remus watched Sirius extend his hand to move a pawn, only to suddenly retract it, thinking better of the move, Remus' mind wandered back to the Gryffindor Wizard Chess tournament of their second year, where Peter had remarkably beaten Sirius, and James hadn't let him forget it. In the background the record player clicked over the scratchy L.P. that Sirius had put on; making the "best of a bad situation" he had said, accusing Remus of having no taste. Finally Sirius decided on his move and looked triumphant for a moment, only for Remus to move his rook to take out his only remaining knight.

Sirius lifted his eyes from the board and mumbled darkly, "You're cheating." Remus smiled, leaning back in his chair before saying, "Try the other one, Padfoot." Sirius picked up his fork and pushed some of the congealing food about his plate. Their dinner had been a half-hearted affair; something with mash that Remus' mum had left in the fridge and they had shared. Sirius had not managed to persuade Remus, however hard he tried, to break out a bottle of his dad's Firewhiskey, and as he took a sip of Butterbeer and stared, dejected, down at his remaining chess pieces, he said, "It's no wonder I'm not that good. I wasn't a fan of playing this with my brother."

Remus watched Sirius make his move before he asked, "How do you think I learnt?" Sirius shrugged, smirking slightly as he said, "Oh, you're just much more of an in-doors type."

Remus moved again, taking another of Sirius' pawns before replying swiftly, "Just because I don't like flying around and throwing various balls at other people, doesn't mean I don't go outdoors." He watched as Sirius once again turned his attention to the board, silently contemplating his next move, and Remus said, "I'm outdoors now, aren't I?" Sirius looked up from under his dark eyelashes and cracked a wry smile. They had decided, since it was peculiarly warm night, to eat and play outdoors, lighting the candles with their wands to keep the irritating insects at bay. They were alone; no-one else for miles around and as the music clicked off inside the dinning room, whose French doors Remus had flung open so they both could hear, Remus leant forward to see Sirius remove a small cardboard box from his trouser pockets.

"You're joking," Remus muttered in disbelief as Sirius made his move, placed a cigarette in his mouth and moved to light it with the spluttering candle. "Smoking now?" The cigarette lit and after exhaling a small cloud of smoke, Sirius took it from his mouth and looked down it and said, "Not really, but why not?" He cocked an eyebrow in question as he extended his hand to Remus. Remus declined by taking another of Sirius' pawns. Sirius laughed loudly, leaning back on the rickety garden chair and placing his feet on the table.

"Do you know how many diseases you could get from doing that?"

Sirius took another well placed drag and, staring at the smoke that circled around his hand as he exhaled it, he replied, "Many I should imagine."

Sirius loved to shock and, after gazing at the glowing end of the cigarette for a moment, he extinguished it violently on the table in front of him with the words, "I don't know why the Muggles bother."

"I suppose it's the same reasons that anyone does anything like that," Remus said after taking a gulp of Butterbeer. Sirius cocked his head and Remus answered his questioning expression with one simple word, "Escapism."

Sirius sighed and nodded down at the board. "I suppose we all want to escape sometimes." Silently, Remus agreed, watching as Sirius seemed to roll his eyes to himself before shrugging. "I'm not going to win, am I?"

"Chess?" Remus queried.

Sirius' eyes were all mystery as he looked fixedly at Remus and replied, "If you like."

"Give up then?" Remus teased, relishing the way Sirius' mouth twitched predictably at the corners as he rolled up his sleeves and said, "Never."

For a while they played in silence and Sirius actually managed to recover his position and now had Remus on the run. His amber eyes fixed on the position of the pieces before him, Remus struggled to see a way to avoid being backed into checkmate. Concentrating on the board as he was he didn't see the way Sirius was looking at him as he said quietly, "I like this."

Thankful for the half-light of the uncertain candles, Remus glanced briefly to his friend, flushing. "Like what?"

"Being here…like this…it's so peaceful I could almost forget…" He trailed off as he watched Remus move his queen. Remus saw him shrug and say, a little darkly, "A lot of things, actually."

Remus glanced around him into the darkness of the garden, thinking through the silent night as he answered, "I suppose this sort of quiet is reassuring when you know it's not a prison." At once both boys seemed to regret what they had said and Sirius, who had shifted uncomfortably in his seat as Remus has spoken, turned his attention to the sky and asked, "It really frightens you, doesn't it?"

Remus followed Sirius' eyes to the sickle moon, palely gleaming against the light night sky. His mouth twitched into a smile as he felt Sirius watching as he looked; scanning his face for the answers that he already knew. Looking away Remus shrugged as though it didn't matter before saying, "It's not the moon that scares me. It's what it means to me."

Sirius nodded and took his move before leaning back once more into his chair. After debating inside himself, Remus looked to his friend, his lips barely moving as he asked slowly, "What frightens you?"

Sirius' eyes communicated something unspoken and, for a moment, he moved to laugh. Yet as if it took some great deal of effort his face remained serious, his dark brows knitting together as he said, very simply, "Everything."

The word struck Remus hard, causing him to shudder despite the warmth of the night. Vulnerability was something that Sirius did not make a habit of showing; when he did it made Remus feel as though there were no barriers to their friendship at all. With just one word Sirius could bare his soul, confess his frailties and leave Remus feeling horribly aware of the way his body reacted.

Remus cleared his throat and was the first to look a way, unable to hide his own fears any longer and, as he slowly moved his knight across the board, he broke the tense silence with one word; "Checkmate."

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It was late; too late in fact, and as Remus pulled the French doors shut, clicking the key in the lock, he could just about hear the thin voices of the birds breaking the darkness of the night with their song. They had spoken; they had sat in silence and it was Remus who had finally suggested that they went to bed, only to be met with a look from Sirius who seemed just a little disappointed. As he flicked off the light to the dinning room, he heard Sirius reach the landing above and, after gripping the banister and drumming his fingers on it lightly, for a moment he felt frozen at the bottom of the stairs. Above him he imagined Sirius entering his room, gazing on all his things, maybe picking up a book or two and turning them over in his hands. Very slowly Remus began to climb, hesitating on the landing outside his bedroom before suddenly deciding to dart into the bathroom and close the door behind him.

As Remus caught his reflection in the mirror as he began to undress, he couldn't bare to name the look on his face. Never before had he had a problem in undressing in front of his friends. They had all, long ago now, lost the embarrassment of revealing themselves in front of each other. Despite his insecurities about the scars that flecked his body, Remus had long since felt self-conscious about getting naked in front of the Marauders. Yet there was something about the thought of Sirius prowling in his bedroom next door that made Remus nervous at the thought of taking off his clothes. All at once it was as though he couldn't feel more uncomfortable of being all alone in the house; with nothing to distract him; with no where else to go. As he folded his clothes neatly and piled them in his arms, Remus glanced for the final time at his pale face in the mirror and, after taking a deep breath, left the bathroom.

Sirius was standing by Remus' desk beneath the window, his clothes thrown across the chair as he stood, completely unconscious of Remus' discomfort, as he stared down at the garden below. As Remus cleared his throat slightly he pulled back his sheets, thankful to be covered by something as he got into bed. Sirius was still eyeing the horizon in the darkness; watching as a tentative pinkness glimmered dimly in the distance, ushering in the new day. He turned to Remus for the first time since he had entered the room and gave a completely indecipherable smile.

Remus mumbled something that sounded like "good night" before turning his back on his friend, pulling the sheets beneath his chin and closing his eyes in the hope that this would perhaps subdue the butterflies in his stomach. Yet as he heard the silent footfalls of Sirius' feet on the carpet as he approached he swallowed hard as he felt the sheets being pulled back as he climbed into bed beside him.

_This shouldn't feel so odd_. He wanted to move yet he couldn't; frozen as if imitating sleep. Sirius wriggled slightly, and the breath that Remus tried to exhale slowly came out in a staggered wave as he felt his friend's chest press against his back. In a blink of movement there was flesh on flesh and try as he might Remus could not suppress that shiver that passed up his spine. _Surely Sirius had felt it_ he thought to himself as he tried not to let his mind delve back to the past. But it was too late and already his stomach was turning as he remembered the tenderness of his hand against his side; the comfort he had taken in feeling Sirius' weight beside him. This was too much, however; this felt different to before and as Remus lay there blinking blankly in the dark, he was uncomfortably reminded of the feelings he had had when Eleanor had climbed into bed with him before.

Before these thoughts could get the better of him, Remus was interrupted by the soft sounds of sleep coming from his friend. He moved slightly and as he did so Remus felt Sirius shift softly against him; his chest now pressed squarely to his back; his breath a ghost on the back of his neck. Closing his eyes, the world seem to crash about him as he felt the way Sirius nuzzled softly against the back of his neck. He could not control this, nor could he silence the reactions his body was instinctively having as he felt Sirius' bottom lip trail gently across the sensitive skin of his neck, as he began to snore softly.

Suddenly Remus had to move and, swinging his legs out of the bed, he carefully moved the sheet backwards and stood up. Sirius shifted slightly, his body taking up the space that Remus' had left and, taking a step backwards, Remus kept his eyes fixed on his friend, willing him to stay asleep. A soft moan from Sirius told Remus that he had and, his body trembling slightly, he threw himself down onto the sofa on the opposite side of the room, pulling the spare blanket over him. _This was not normal,_ he thought to himself, as he tried to fix his mind on anything but Sirius; this was not right. And as he fought with his mind in an attempt to sleep, Remus couldn't help but feel as though Sirius' turbulence was somehow contagious as he tried to ignore the desire to rub the spot on his neck where Sirius' lips had just been.

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Ouch! Reviews encouraged. Let me know what you think and how the tension is progressing. See you over at the next chapter! xxx


	66. Chapter 66

A/N: The morning after the night before and the _Daily Prophet _arrives.

Disclaimer: I have constantly wondered but, as of yet, I don't own Harry Potter.

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The owl had swooped in through the window as soon as Remus had sat at the table in the kitchen, pulling the bowl of cereal towards him. The letter floated down and landed upon the copy of the _Daily Prophet_ he had been intending to read, and the owl alighted on the back of the chair facing Remus, and began preening its feathers. Remus recognised the handwriting immediately and, taking a mouthful of cornflakes, he broke the seal, opened the parchment and read, "I'm supposing that when Sirius stormed out last night, he wasn't lying when he said he was coming to visit you. Mum and dad are getting worried. Is everything alright where you are?" Remus stood, moving over to the sideboard to retrieve parchment and ink and, as he sat back down, he took a swift sip of tea before writing in reply, "Everything is fine here. Sirius is fine. He'll be coming back after breakfast. See you soon." He raised his eyes to the owl opposite which seemed to note this gesture and, after feeding it with a pellet he found in his dressing gown pocket, the owl took the envelope and set off out of the window it had flown in through.

"Prongs checking up on me?" A voice from behind Remus asked yet he didn't turn to watch Sirius enter the room, buttoning up his shirt, before he took the chair opposite. Despite the darkness of his words, Sirius looked decidedly better than he had the day before. No-longer did shadows circle his eyes; the furrows of concern on his brow seemed to have disappeared and he appeared rested and relaxed. _If only I could think so about myself_, Remus thought as he watched Sirius lean across the table, pulling he piece of toast Remus had buttered for himself towards him, pouring a large glass of orange juice as he went. On top of the obvious problems he faced when sleeping on a lumpy sofa that was too small for someone of his height, Remus had found it hard to get to sleep at all, his mind drifting in and out of consciousness, focusing on the sound of Sirius breathing.

"He just wanted to know you were alright," Remus replied. Sirius had swiftly devoured the toast and was in the process of buttering two more slices as he said, "I'll go after breakfast."

Remus looked down into his now empty bowl and smiled. He knew Sirius well enough to not tell him that that was exactly what he had just told James. It was then that Remus' eyes caught the headline of the paper that was by his elbow and, after pulling the _Daily Prophet_ towards him to unfold it, he read the headline aloud, "Suspicions Surround Hogwarts Headmaster's Engagements."

Remus looked up and met Sirius' eyes, who didn't have to say anything to tell Remus to continue to read. _Rumours are rife in regards to respected and revered Hogwarts Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, and his increasingly frequent visits to London and the Ministry. Of course, due to the sensitive nature of the work of Ministry in these troubled times, this paper respects the secrecy that, due to the continuing pressures on the security on the Wizarding community, prevents us from reporting all that we know. _

"What they mean is what prevents them from telling the truth," Sirius piped up from the end of the table and Remus, rolling his eyes slightly, continued to read _However, it has been brought to our attention that the esteemed Headmaster's visits may be much more to do with recent tensions than is being made clear. Dumbledore, who is valued not only by the Ministry as Headmaster of one of the world's most prestigious schools of Witchcraft and Wizardry, but also as providing invaluable guidance, has been secretly meeting up with various high ranking Ministry officials, including a number of Aurors. A Ministry insider (who shall not be named) has informed this paper that the Headmaster has made frequent visits to the Department of Mysteries in recent months; specifically requesting to speak to eccentric Auror Alastor Moody. Although the Daily Prophet could not obtain a statement from either Dumbledore or Moody, several witnesses claimed to have seen a group of witches and wizards, including the Headmaster and Auror, in close conversation in The Leaky Cauldron. Indeed, many profess that such meetings have become a regular occurrence; however, this paper could not find any evidence to support this on its visits to the place in question._ Remus paused and lifted his eyes from the paper, finding that Sirius had polished off his breakfast whilst he had been speaking. His friends face was inscrutable as he nodded his head to indicate that Remus should finish reading the article. _It is yet to be seen whether or not these rumours are related to nothing more than a social excursion; or whether or not the meetings have a more significant secret lurking behind them. _

Remus ended with a sigh, relaxing back in his chair and staring down at the article he had just read. For the first time he noticed how cold his feet felt on the slate tile floor. Trying desperately to make sense of what he had just read, he blinked up at Sirius as he watched his friend remove his wand and charm the breakfast things from the table to the side, ready to wash up. As he placed his wand back in his pocket Sirius shrugged and said, "He'll know what he's doing."

Remus nodded, resting his chin on his hand as he said quietly, "He's a good man, Dumbledore. If he has been holding these meetings, it will be for the best, won't it?"

Sirius pushed his chair back, the legs scraping over the tile, and Remus saw the uncertainty flit in his friend's eyes before he said airily, "I should get going. Go and make it up with Potter." He grinned, flashing his teeth. Remus returned the smile weakly and, running his hand nervously through his sandy hair, he said simply, "See you soon, Padfoot."

For a moment Sirius hesitated and Remus expected him to thank him or, perhaps, say something else. But before it had come Sirius had gone, disapparating before Remus could even say goodbye with a loud crack.

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Well that's all the updates for now, although you can expect more Wednesday. Let me know how I'm doing; what you like and what you don't. Reviews make your humble author happy. Enjoy xxx


	67. Chapter 67

A/N: Sorry for the wait between updates. Thank you to all those who are reviewing; faithful old readers who have been here from the start, or those of you have just discovered the story. It means alot to me when you let me know what you think and I do take all your comments on board.

Now, I would like my reader's opinion on something and the majority shall win out. As life often has a habit of getting in the way of fanfiction sometimes, my faithful beta Rosie is having difficulty in getting up to date with the chapters and is unlikely to finish checking through them before the release of DH. As you may know I did want to have this story uploaded before then.

I therefore leave it up to you, the reader, to decide whether you would like to wait and have the chapters pass the final test with Rosie OR I can upload it all this week having been checked by myself and Meg. The choice is yours, just let me know via message or review which you would prefer.

Anyway, back to the story. A holiday visit to Diagon Alley throws further light on the dark forces amassing in the wizarding world.

Thank you so much to Meg and Rosie who have helped, in many ways, with this.

Disclaimer: I don't own so there is no need to sue.

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Remus couldn't help but smile as he watched two arms reach over his shoulders and felt two hands being pressed over his eyes. All at once the familiar sights of Diagon Alley disappeared under the palms of the person who was now standing behind him and his smile broadened as a voice whispered in his ear, "Guess who?" Remus shrugged, feigning ignorance, and as the hands were removed and Eleanor moved from behind him, he tried his best to look genuinely surprised.

"You knew it was me, didn't you?" Eleanor asked.

"You'd have been offended if I hadn't," Remus teased. Eleanor's blue eyes grew mischievous and, her body swaying ever so slightly towards his, she flicked her hair over one shoulder as she said, "Well, I could have been any one of your many female admirers."

Remus could feel himself flushing as his eyes fixed longingly on Eleanor's mocking mouth. For a moment he felt that his words might elude him; his lips all of a sudden dry, he shuffled a little closer to her, his voice seeming deeper as he said, "Ah, you have me there." Eleanor's smile darkened as she raised her hands once more to place them on Remus' shoulders. Remus sighed, allowing himself to close the small distance between them, realising as he felt her hands brush up his shoulders to straighten his collar just how much he had missed her.

"Hello," Eleanor said, her mouth curled in a peculiar smile as she moved her hands to the back of his neck, pulling him towards her so that their foreheads were touching. Remus took a short, sharp intake of breath and as he exhaled he said quietly, "Hi."

They came together and as Remus kissed her, some secret place inside him felt suddenly relieved. All the while on the train to London he had been seized with worry. It had been so long since he had last seen her and in many ways his doubts had returned; doubt about her feelings and his own. But the moment he had realised that it was Eleanor's hands that had covered his eyes, it was as though he exhaled a deep breath he hadn't even realised he was holding, and now he couldn't help but break their kiss with a smile.

A twittering witch with a broad rimmed brown hat barged past them, mumbling something as she went about "the youth of today". Eleanor gave a light laugh; as they separated and turned to make their way from outside Eeylops Owl Remus felt her take his hand in hers – for once, he didn't flinch away.

"I need to go to Flourish and Blotts," Eleanor began, nimbly moving out of the way as a flushed red-haired boy zipped between them with a woman Remus vaguely recognised in hot pursuit. "I leant my Standard Book of Spells to someone at the end of last term, and I can't remember who, and it's not like I can get by without one. Not now we're N.E.W.T. students and all." She paused, a little breathless with the speed she had just spoken, before squeezing Remus' hand affectionately and saying, "But after that we can go wherever."

Remus shrugged. "It's alright. I don't need anything and besides…" he paused, debating with himself for a moment whether or not to continue with the compliment. "I only really came to be with you."

Eleanor gave the tiniest of blushes before moving onto tip-toes to give him a peck on the check. As she moved her head, Remus glimpsed two people behind her that her figure had previously been obscuring, standing not very far away on the other side of the road, staring longingly through the window of a shop that had racing brooms in the window.

Remus muttered something under his breath that sounded like a swear word, and Eleanor, her eyebrows raised in surprise, moved to speak. However, sensing her question, Remus lowered his voice and said, "James and Sirius are over there."

"Where?" Eleanor said, a little louder than he would have liked, turning round and immediately catching James' eyes. James grinned broadly, tugging Sirius' sleeve to draw his attention from the brooms; as he turned round and looked at Eleanor, Remus cringed.

"What are the chances of this happening?" were James' first words as he crossed the road to join them. Eleanor withdrew her hand from Remus', which he couldn't help but feel a little grateful for, and placed them in her pockets. Remus avoided Sirius' eyes like the plague, knowing exactly what sort of sentiments they would be communicating; in the end, it was James who broke the awkward silence that had descended. "We just came up for something to do, really. They have some beautiful brooms over there, Figg, if you're interested. I've seen that clapped out Comet you ride out on."

Eleanor gave a slight smile in response, fully understanding that James' comment was more said in affection than insult, and Remus caught her give Sirius a wary glance before saying, "Bad luck against Slytherin, that's what that was. Bunch of bloody cheats!" For the first time since they had come over, Remus looked at Sirius, whose eyes were fixed on Eleanor, silently taking in all she was saying.

"Oh, come on now, you don't have to say that just because we're Remus' friends and we happen to be on the Quidditch team," James continued brightly. "You can't ignore the fact that it puts you in a much safer position to make it to the finals at the end of the year."

Eleanor smiled and purposefully looked at Sirius as she said, "Well, I had noticed that too." Remus moved to say something but, before he could, Eleanor had interrupted by pointing across the road and saying, "There's Lily."

At once Sirius turned and watched as Lily crossed the road and, flashing a very unconvincing smile, looked around the group of them before saying, "What are the chances of this happening?"

Sirius gave a sharp bark of laughter and as everyone turned their eyes to him, he said sardonically, "Oh, I get it now. I did wonder about the sudden desire to come to Diagon Alley; and so specific with the times…" James blushed hard. Sirius raised an eyebrow and looked at Lily, and Remus hated him as he continued, "Why do I suddenly get the feeling I'm the victim of some conspiracy?"

Remus could tell that each of the friends that were gathered were thinking of a million responses to this question, but it was Lily that took the incentive and snapped, her voice barely concealing her bitterness, "I'm surprised with an ego the size of yours that you don't get that feeling more often."

Eleanor gave a nervous burst of laughter yet before Sirius could shoot her a look of absolute disdain, his attention was diverted by a figure that had just rushed past them in a flurry of dark robes.

"What?" Remus asked, knowing by the way that Sirius' face had just paled that he had recognised the person. James was also concerned; Sirius said nothing, blinking in the direction in which the figure had rounded the corner opposite Gringotts, before muttering something to himself under his breath and starting off in that direction.

"Who was it?" James asked hurriedly, his eyes fixed on Sirius as he disappeared around the corner. Remus shrugged, unsure of what they should do.

"What's wrong?" Eleanor asked. As Remus looked at Lily, she too looked at a loss to understand and after a moment more of hesitation, James and Remus silently reached their decision and made off in the direction Sirius had just headed.

"Where are you going?" Lily called after the two boys as they crossed the road. James turned round, pushing his glasses up his nose as he called back loudly to be heard over the cart that was just passing, "Don't worry. Just wait there."

As soon as the cart had passed, Lily and Eleanor appeared from behind and Lily, whose face was flushed from the brief run, snapped, "Not bloody likely, Potter. Despite the fact that I would actually quite like to see him hexed off the face of the earth at the moment, if something is wrong we're coming with you."

Remus looked at Eleanor, who was smiling at the way James was looking to Remus for support, but finding none. Finally, a little flabbergasted, he replied, "Okay, fine." Lily tried not to smile and James, perhaps forgetting himself, grabbed her by the hand and pulled her after him impatiently. Following some way behind them, Remus walked with Eleanor, who stopped him a little in their tracks as she asked quietly, "Are they finally…?" She trailed off, knowing by the way Remus raised an eyebrow that he fully understood the question, yet before he had a chance to answer they had nearly walked smack bang into the backs of James and Lily, who had hesitated at the top of a narrow set of steps that led down into Knockturn Alley.

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Reviews welcomed and encouraged. Let me know what you would like me to do in regards to uploads. Toodle-pip for now! xxx 


	68. Chapter 68

A/N: This may seem very swift for an update, but Rosie is sending me over everything as and when she can, which helps the speed of my updates here. Zenna, thank you for your reviews and opinions regarding updates. I was so flattered by everything you said.

Anyway, for all those of you who have yet to tell me, get in contact and let me know what you think I should do about updating.

Back to the story...and the introduction of some familar adversaries.

Thank you to Megan and Rosie for all they have done, and continue to do.

Disclaimer: I don't own it, so don't sue.

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James looked at Remus, his brow furrowed with concern as he said, "I don't think this is a very good idea." Remus nodded in agreement, yet hesitated before saying slowly, "Neither do I... but what I do think is that it will be an even worse idea to let Sirius go off on his own."

"I agree with Remus," Lily said, and as James turned to face her she softened her voice slightly before continuing, "It'll be alright. We just have to make sure that he's safe."

Convinced by Lily's words, it was James that moved first, a little slower than the run that had brought them here. Remus felt reassured by Eleanor, who was beside him, despite the overwhelming feeling that, as they stepped from Diagon to Knockturn Alley, they had suddenly stepped from the light to the dark. The shops here were not any sort that anyone Remus knew ever had an excuse to go to. His parents, and everyone else's parents at Hogwarts, seemed to discourage everyone from going anywhere near it, which was probably the reason they were moving so slowly, shuffling, keeping together as a group, in the middle of the road. As they passed a street vendor witch, huddled over a tray of what looked suspiciously like human fingernails, Eleanor cringed, rolling her eyes and turning away.

A boisterous burst of noise that came from the opposite side of the street caused Remus to look over in time to see the door to Borgin and Burkes being thrust open, and a boy with dark, long hair being pushed out. Sirius stumbled back over the curb and down into the road. At once the group of friends took a universal lurch forward as a tall, young man with white blond hair pushed his way past Mr Borgin, a dangerous look in his eyes as he advanced towards Sirius.

"Mister Malfoy," Mr Borgin ventured sheepishly, his small eyes fixed on the back of the blonde head, "a little restraint would be advisable."

As if frozen to the spot, Remus watched helplessly as the man he had now identified as Lucius Malfoy reached down and grabbed Sirius, who had tried to scramble backwards, by the collar and pulled him to his feet.

"Do not worry, Mister Borgin. This boy is family, are you not?" He smiled as Sirius tried fruitlessly to push his arms away as he snapped back, "If you mean am I related to a coward like you then yes, unfortunately, I am."

"Coward, is it?" Lucius said, his voice all silk yet his eyes still threatening. Sirius nodded and James took this as his cue to move; as he approached, Lucius suddenly became aware of the four of them behind him. "Well, well, well," Lucius continued, loosening his grip on Sirius long enough to allow him to turn and see his friends. "What have we got here?"

"Let him go," James said, his voice surprising Remus with its firmness. For a moment, it seemed as though Lucius was going to laugh yet this impression swiftly disappeared as he ignored James completely, pulling Sirius with him back towards the shop.

At once Remus and James followed, not waiting to see if Eleanor and Lily would too as they pushed their way past Mr Borgin, who was floundering a little helplessly in the doorway. Lucius had dragged Sirius forcibly into the main room of the shop, his heels dragging over the floorboards, before forcing him to stand to watch his friends walk in.

"Lock the door behind you, Mr Borgin," Lucius instructed as Mr Borgin ushered the group in. Remus noted the way Mr Borgin seemed to contemplate whether or not it was the right thing to do, before finally turning the key in the lock. The sound caused Remus to give an involuntary shiver and as Lucius withdrew his wand and flicked it in the direction of the windows, causing the blinds to roll down, he could feel it mirrored by each of his friends.

"It's amazing how someone who took so little interest in family affairs in the past," Lucius said, his voice completely cold as he stared squarely into Sirius' unstable grey eyes, "is suddenly so concerned."

"The only thing I'm concerned about is what scum like you is doing skulking around Knockturn Alley…" Before Sirius could fully finish his sentence, Lucius had struck him across the face hard. Instinctively, Remus stepped forward, his eyes fixed on the trickle of blood that had appeared under Sirius' nose, his hand reaching inside his robes for his wand. Yet before he could move any further, the room seemed to suddenly fill with people – people that Remus knew or vaguely recognised – and as Eleanor gave a sharp scream, he turned to see Bellatrix, her wand aimed threateningly at her.

"That's right…stay perfectly still…" Remus attempted to withdraw his wand unseen yet he was not subtle enough, and as Bellatrix saw him she moved her wand so it was aimed at him, and hissed, "You too."

"Since you've asserted your authority so well," Sirius began, his voice dripping with sarcasm as Bellatrix turned to look at him, sending her black hair flowing over one shoulder, "do you think you could tell Malfoy to take his hands off me?"

Shadowy figures in the corner of the room seemed to have taken a step forward as he spoke, and Remus grew tense as Bellatrix took a step towards Sirius and smiled.

"I don't think it's necessary to detain him," she said, her eyes smouldering as she glared squarely at him.

"But Bella…" Lucius moved to protest but by simply raising one finger, Bellatrix stopped him from continuing and, after looking at Sirius with disgust, Lucius threw him to the ground.

All at once it was if everything sprung into action; the nervous hesitancy seemed to evaporate as Sirius hit the floor, scrambling quickly to his feet, withdrawing his wand and pointing it at Bellatrix. She laughed; it was a laugh more manic than even Sirius could have managed, but as she did so, Remus couldn't help but be reminded of the remarkable resemblances between them.

"You should choose your friends more wisely, little cousin, but I have always told you this." As she spoke, Lucius seemed to guide the figures in the corner further into the room; circling from a distance towards Lily, Eleanor, James and Remus, who had swiftly drawn their wands as soon as Sirius was free.

"Given the alternative," Sirius shot back, positioning his body carefully; ready to defend himself, "I think I'll stick with the friends I've got."

"That was your alternative once, Sirius," Bellatrix replied hotly, and as a particularly burly blond man advanced towards Eleanor, Remus felt her slip her hand in his. "You long ago forsook your birthright and chose your present company."

Lucius pushed the burly man aside and now his eyes were moving from person to person, his nose curling in disgust as he listed, "Half-bloods, degenerates and, well..." he halted in front of Lily, whose green eyes were fixed determinedly on Lucius' sneering face, "...What have we here?"

"Don't you dare!" James snarled, attempting to move past Remus to get a clear shot at Lucius. "Just give me one good reason…"

The other figures laughed; Lucius lowered his face so it was inches away from James' and said, "You should know better, Potter, coming from a family like yours, than to care for a dirty little Mudblood like…"

Lucius never got a chance to finish as James somehow broke free from Remus' restraints and launched himself at Lucius. Lucius stumbled back, losing his footing slightly, as James aimed a hex at him that went whizzing over his shoulder. Beside him, Remus felt Lily spring forward, dodging the hex that the large, blond man shot at her. Remus' eyes quickly surveyed the scene and, despite his certainty that his friends would fight well, he knew that they would lose. He wanted to stop this from escalating, and as he saw the way Bellatrix and Sirius were eyeing each other, he knew that if he didn't intervene then something terrible would happen.

The fighting had halted as Lily and Eleanor had been backed into the corner, their faces dead set as they stared coolly into their captors' eyes. James had been pulled to his feet and Remus watched as Sirius' eyes moved between Bellatrix and James.

"Your friends are just as ignorantly rash as you are, cousin," Bellatrix said with a smile, her dark eyebrows arching as she took a step towards James, her voice dark as she continued, "But maybe the Cruciatus Curse will teach him a little restraint."

The dark figures jeered and Lily, whose face had drained of all colour, cried, "You can't do that!"

"You don't seem to understand that I can do anything." Bellatrix became impassioned, her eyes sparkling, and as she swept her hand about her in a rustle of robes, Remus noted, to his discomfort, just how incredibly beautiful she was. "I, favoured above all the Dark Lord's servants…What you fail to understand is that times are changing, and soon there will be nothing at all to stop us." Her voice was suddenly interrupted by a sharp banging on the shop door and muffled shouting outside; Mr Borgin started forwards to open it, but Lucius snapped, "Leave it!"

"You'll never win," Sirius said, shaking his head, barely containing his fury.

Bellatrix's lips curled into a cruel smile. "Of course we will. Who do you think is going to stop us?" Her dark eyes swept from friend to friend before she asked, "You?"

Again came the pounding on the door, but this time Remus could hear what was being called: "Borgin! Open this door now or we shall have to break it down!" Bellatrix didn't even glance at the door and, happy with Sirius' silence, she turned to James, aiming her wand at him, her eyes becoming glazed with mania. Suddenly, Remus unfroze; sensing the way Bellatrix was going to curse James, he darted forward in an attempt to position himself in the way. Eleanor screamed and Lily struggled to free herself but it was Sirius he could hear above everything, calling something desperately behind him. A red flash of light, someone cried "Stupefy!" and all at once Remus felt the strength leave his body; hitting the floor, his head swam before consciousness left him.

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Dum dum dum! Reviews and opinions make having written this even more fufilling. Next update following soon! xxx


	69. Chapter 69

A/N: It seems that most of you would rather have all of this to read regardless of the final beta test before next friday. Therefore, I solemnly swear as your author to try my hardest to update it all by that time. This means lots of rapid updates so I hope everyone keeps up with their reading!

Thank you for all of those that reviewed; they mean so much to me. It's also nice to see that this is attracting alot of new readers.

Back to the story after that particularly mean cliff-hanger. The Marauders find out just exactly what their headmaster has been up to on his trips to London.

Thank you to Megan and Rosie. You know what for by now.

Disclaimer: I don't own it so don't sue!

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Whispered voices in the room caused Remus to feebly attempt to open his eyes and focus on whoever it was that was speaking. He was not prepared for the bright light that awaited, spilling through the small square window and down onto his pillow so that when he did try and focus on the figures in the room, all Remus could make out were two hazy shadows. Squinting and shuffling down the bed in order to shield his eyes in the shadow, Remus could see a man moving towards him, wand in hand, and he was surprised to see that this man was none other than Alastor Moody.

"You alright, boy?" Moody asked gruffly, his eyes moving swiftly over Remus' face as if trying to discern the answer before Remus gave it.

"Hush now, Alastor. Give the boy time to wake up." Remus turned his head slightly to see a much older wizard with silver hair and a peculiar hat approach from the opposite side of the room. He smiled fondly down at Remus, flashing his crooked teeth before encouraging him to try and sit up slightly by saying, "You took a rather nasty blow, but it was the safest way to get you out of there. We weren't expecting to be confronted with so many under-age witches and wizards actually."

Remus blushed hard, thankful for the glass of water the aged wizard gave him, and he gulped down the liquid gratefully before asking tentatively, "Where am I?"

"The Leaky Cauldron," Moody said, thrusting his wand back inside his robes and leaning back against one of the posters to the bed.

"And the others?" Remus suddenly felt more able to focus and, after draining the glass of its remaining contents, he continued, his voice barely containing its concern, "Where are the others?"

"The girls and James are fine."

"And Sirius?" At this the older wizard turned to Moody, whose brow furrowed slightly before he replied, "He's speaking to Dumbledore."

"Dumbledore?" Remus responded, confused, his head swimming slightly at his inability to understand. Moody gave a deep growl and moved away from the bed, impatiently flinging his arms aside as he said, "Come on Doge, we don't have time for all this. There could be _Daily Prophet_ reporters swarming downstairs considering the number of witnesses."

Doge passed a hand wearily over his face as if in an attempt to magic away some of the wrinkles before he replied, "Albus said he wants them all to understand. It's important."

"I'd say it was more important to get them out of here before anyone gets a whiff of what's been going on," Moody growled, pacing towards the door. Suddenly, as if thinking better of leaving, Moody turned back and shaking his finger rather accusatorially at Doge he continued briskly, "You've read what they've been writing."

Although still slightly disorientated and confused, Remus' mind wandered back to the article he had read in the _Daily Prophet_ only weeks before, and as he watched Doge smooth down the back of his purple robes, he found himself incapable of not asking, "The meetings? The visits to the Ministry? This all has something to do with Vol…"

"Shhh!" Moody hissed, taking a step towards the bed that caused Remus to shrink back against the pillows. Moody squinted towards the window and glanced over his shoulder to the door before saying, "Don't say his name!"

Doge raised a hand to silence Moody and, after waiting long enough to make sure that he wasn't going to interrupt, he cleared his throat slightly before saying, "It's probably best if you wait for Dumbledore to explain."

As if on cue there was a knock at the door that caused Remus to attempt to sit up too quickly and his head to spin. Doge moved from his seat on the bed to cross the room and as Remus felt his vision stop swimming he saw the nod Doge gave to Moody, who had withdrawn his wand and positioned himself within clear sight of the door.

Remus' heart leapt into his throat as the door was yanked open to reveal the figure on the other side. Yet it seemed that they had nothing to fear and Moody immediately lowered his wand as Doge moved aside to allow the young woman in. Remus relaxed back against the cushions once more as the woman swept her light eyes over the faces of those gathered before asking Remus, "How are you feeling now?"

"Alright," Remus mumbled, a little uncertain. She smiled as though to reassure him, her pink lips drawing into a warm smile before turning to Moody to say, "Albus wants to speak to him if he's feeling alright."

"Dumbledore's here?" Remus asked yet no-one answered. Doge shook his head slightly, his small eyes scanning Remus' face. "What do you think? Think you're feeling up to going downstairs?"

Remus nodded and swung his legs off of the bed and stood. His head felt peculiarly light and as he shuffled experimentally on his feet, he felt the woman step beside him and slip her arm through his. As if sensing his embarrassment at having to be helped, she pushed her dark hair from out of her eyes before saying airily, "I am very sorry about getting you with that curse by the way."

Remus tried to remember what he could of the moments before consciousness left him yet he couldn't recall who it was that had came through the door behind him, nor how it was he had ended up back here at The Leaky Cauldron.

"My goodness, no wonder the boy's so confused!" the woman suddenly said, a little exasperated as she guided him towards the door. They halted and she reached down to take his hand in his and shook it hard. "I'm Marlene McKinnon, pleased to meet you Mister Lupin."

"How do you…?" Remus didn't have a chance to finish his question for Moody had suddenly grown impatient and, after growling incoherently up at the ceiling, he suddenly turned and said, "For Merlin's sake McKinnon, we don't have time for all this!"

"No, perhaps you're right," McKinnon said, opening the door to the bedroom with an absentminded wave of her wand. As they were leaving the room Remus suddenly remembered some of the manners his mum had always tried to instil in him, and turned to Doge and Moody to say, "Thank you…for looking after me."

Doge smiled and gave a small nod of the head and Moody, who hadn't really said anything pleasant to Remus since he had woken up, thrust his hands in his pockets with the words, "Make sure you take care."

"I don't mean to sound rude," Remus began, carefully skirting round a large toad that was flibberting down the stairs they were descending. McKinnon looked over her shoulder at him, her eyebrows raised in inquisition. "But I don't really understand…"

"Now don't you worry, Dumbledore will explain as much as we can to you," she said, glancing furtively around the deserted hallway before knocking on the door to their left. After hesitating for a moment she opened the door and, in a way to suggest that Remus should pass, McKinnon halted outside.

"Aren't you…?" McKinnon shook her head and, as Remus watched her flick her head in the direction of the doorway he began to get the impression that he would never get a chance to finish a question. Yet before he could say goodbye he heard a voice from the room call out, "Close the door behind you, Remus." And as he turned to close the door, McKinnon had gone.

Dumbledore was seated in a high-backed wooden chair beside a large fireplace; the flames licking and filling the room with far much too heat than was appropriate for such a warm April afternoon. With a raise of one hand he ushered Remus into the room and encouraged him to take the seat opposite. As Remus did so his eyes were fixed on Dumbledore, who was watching him keenly over the top of his half-moon glasses, before saying, "McKinnon really is such a talented witch. I remember her well from when I taught Transfiguration. Had a remarkable talent for turning things into opera glasses…"

"Sir?" Remus asked, posing a million questions with one word. As if in response Dumbledore waved his hand idly in the direction of the tea set that was placed on the table between them. The tea began to pour and as Remus watched the lemon slice itself, Dumbledore began, "Now, as I am sure you are most concerned about the whereabouts of your friends, I shall put your mind at rest on that subject first. Lily was collected by her parents about an hour ago. Eleanor has also gone home." Dumbledore paused and blew down into his teacup before continuing, "Young Mister Potter, I believe, was here until about ten minutes ago, in heated discussion with Sturgis Podmore about the chances of Germany winning the Quidditch World Cup this year. And Mister Black is taking this opportunity to catch up with a certain family member."

Remus was confused by this last statement, yet before he could query it Dumbledore had pressed on, "And so now we come to the subject of what happened earlier today in Knockturn Alley…"

"Please, Sir, believe me when I say that none of us went there willingly," he paused, seeing the strange smile that had suddenly spread across Dumbledore's features. "What I mean is…"

"I have had a number of different versions of the events so I can assure you that none of you are in trouble for what happened today. I believe you when you say you were reluctant to go."

"Sorry Sir but…" Remus hesitated, a little embarrassed all of sudden, before continuing, "…what did happen?"

Dumbledore placed the cup down in its saucer and, with a wise smile, said, "You're a perceptive and intelligent young man Remus." He rubbed his chin with one finger before asking, "Why don't you tell me what you think happened?"

All of sudden Remus felt hot, glancing desperately at the fire as if this alone would extinguish it. To his surprise his look seemed to put out the flames and, feeling suddenly afraid that he had developed some unusual magical powers, he turned to see Dumbledore placing his wand back inside his robes and waiting patiently for him to speak. Finally, after what felt like hours of silence to Remus as he listened to the ticking of the large grandfather clock behind him, he cleared his throat quietly and began, "Sirius saw someone he knew. He followed Lucius Malfoy into Knockturn Alley and we followed Sirius. We went into Borgin and Burkes and suddenly there were lots of others. I don't…I don't think they were all there when we went in. They must have apparated…or flooed in."

"And these others?" Dumbledore questioned with the raise of an eyebrow. Remus fixed his eyes on his headmaster's face before saying the word, "Death Eaters." At this Dumbledore seemed to smile slowly despite himself and, after taking a sip of his tea, he exhaled a word that sounded like "Ah" before asking, "Did you recognise any of these others?"

Remus nodded, folding his hands in his lap and ignored the cup that had been poured for him. Dumbledore seemed to relax back slightly after draining the remnants of his tea and, after allowing the quietness to linger for a moment more, he took a deep breath before beginning, "It is such a shame that it has had to come to this Remus. It doesn't embarrass me to tell you that I had always rather hoped to protect those under my care at Hogwarts from the reality of the situation for as long as possible. Unfortunately, reality always has a way of becoming too important to ignore…" Dumbledore paused and Remus was distracted by his own reflection mirrored in his headmaster's glasses, before he continued, "Of course, I always knew that after Sirius was disinherited and disowned so publicly, that he and his friends at least would perhaps have an inkling of what was happening…"

"We did know," Remus said, suddenly feeling as though he was confessing. "We knew something of this Vol…this Dark Lord and the Death Eaters. But there were other things that seemed to point to…something too. All those things in the _Daily Prophet_…things our parents would avoid telling us…"

"It makes me proud to know that I have such discerning pupils attending my school." Dumbledore smiled a little sadly before ending, "No matter how much I would rather you were ignorant to it all."

Dumbledore's words caused Remus to suddenly feel saddened; afraid, all of a sudden, of what this all could mean. But, as if he sensed the affect what he was saying was having, Dumbledore gave a swift smile before pressing on, "You may have read recently of my frequent trips to London…my rumoured liaisons with certain members of the Wizarding community?" Remus nodded. "You have already met Alastor and Doge. McKinnon too. And in the next room your friend Sirius is with Sturgis and my good friend Arthur Weasley. Of course, there are many more…" Dumbledore paused, allowing Remus to absorb all that he had just said before continuing in more hushed tones than before, "It was no accident that we came across you in Borgin and Burkes this afternoon. Of course, we had no idea that we would find you and your friends inside, however, we had received information that suggested that certain Death Eaters would be visiting London this afternoon."

"So this is some sort of special task force? Set up by the Ministry to help fight these Death Eaters?"

Dumbledore shook his head so that his grey beard swished from side to side. "We do not work for the Ministry; nor are we answerable to them. We are outside any formal Wizarding jurisdiction."

"I don't understand," Remus said, for what felt like the hundredth time that day. Dumbledore said nothing as he reached into his pocket and produced a number of brightly wrapped sweets before offering them to Remus with the words, "Have a toffee."

"There will come a time in the not so distant future when it will become harder and harder to know who to trust. In preparation for that time it was important, if the fight against Voldemort was to continue, to have already established a resistance outside of the Ministry; outside of an authority that may become corrupt."

Remus swallowed the sweet, chewed up toffee, hard.

"The Order of the Phoenix is not exactly a secret. We have reason to believe that both Voldemort and the Ministry know of its existence. However," Dumbledore's eyes had grown a little dark as his eyebrows had knitted together, "I would very much appreciate it if you, like your friends, would keep all that you have experienced here to yourselves."

Remus nodded vigorously and Dumbledore, pleased at the response, offered another toffee. Remus declined and, after pocketing the sweets, Dumbledore continued, "Please try not to let what has happened in London, what is happening, upset you. I understand how difficult it must be and I have had a long chat with Sirius, in particular, on this subject. But I want to make it clear," Dumbledore's voice had become a little stern as he leant towards Remus in his chair, "That if anything suspicious happens at Hogwarts, anything at all, you should tell either myself or Professor McGonagall. I do not want pupils taking things into their own hands, especially when they do not fully understand the dangerous consequences that those actions could have."

"Yes, Sir," Remus said, his mind whirring with all that had been revealed to him in such a short space of time. Yet before he had a chance to question Dumbledore further he had stood up, swiftly crossing the room to a door that was opposite and saying, "Well, I'm sure that your friend will be very pleased to see that you are well. I believe that arrangements have been made to return you and Sirius to your respective homes."

Remus watched as Dumbledore moved to open the door, yet suddenly he was seized by the desire to ask, "We will be able to defeat him, won't we Sir?" Dumbledore hesitated, door handle in hand, and as he looked at Remus something distantly uncertain flitted across his eyes. Yet as soon as it was there it had vanished and with a shrug that seemed to suggest that they weren't talking about something as serious as they was, he said, "There's always hope, Remus. Always."

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Review and let me know what you think. I particularly liked that chapter so I hope you did too. xxx


	70. Chapter 70

A/N: Another chapter for you to read and enjoy!

We return to Grimmauld Place and the present as Tonks tries to help.

Thank you to Megan and Rosie.

Disclaimer: J.K.Rowling is the genius behind Harry Potter, I am not. No need to sue!

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He wonders about hope now. That word seems to have somehow lost some of the resonance it once had; as it had that day when Dumbledore had spoken it as he had opened the door to allow Remus to return to his friend. Remus has tried to cling to hope; to the determined optimism of a group of friends that attempted to fight the future together. Yet things had grown so different and everything had changed; mistrust and suspicion driving wedges between them all. Now, as Remus sits opposite Tonks in the dusty silence of Grimmauld Place, it pains him to remember the hope he once had; the hope he fears he has lost to grief…and death.

He starts out of his reflection as Tonks clears her throat; the noise somehow intrusive and out of place. His quick movement causes Tonks to flush slightly and stare inquisitively down at the pattern the tea leaves have left in her cup. He knows that it is his solemnity that is causing her to act so serious; so unlike her usual self. And suddenly he feels guilty for being unable to forget; unable to grieve and move on. It all seems so desperately hopeless, tinged with the harshness of the gas lights overhead. And as Tonks looks up, unsteadily, to meet his eyes, he tries his best to smile to reassure her.

Remus knows by the look on her face that she is unconvinced, yet there is something in this gesture that she seems thankful for so that, after a moment or two more of silence, she suddenly rises to her feet and asks, "Have you eaten yet? I'm starving."

As she takes the cups and places them in the sink before rummaging through the barren cupboards, the thought of food suddenly makes Remus nauseas. He can't remember the last time he has eaten anything that resembled a square meal, yet he suddenly feels embarrassed as he hears Tonks tut behind him and say, "Honestly! How can you live like this? If Molly knew…"

Remus can't help but smile at this as he hears exactly what Molly would say in his head. But it was increasingly hard to have the presence of mind to take care of himself; it has been hard to remember to do the things that should have been automatic. Eat, sleep, wash; all had been forsaken of late and fitful waking nightmares seem to have taken their place. Perhaps it should have been tears, warm and unrelenting, that should be making him forget rather than the cold detachment of insomnia. He pretends, for only a little while, that he can get to sleep, before abandoning his bed to stalk the hallways of Grimmauld Place; every time daring the portraits to speak. But it seems that he has become a regular occurrence now, haunting the empty building, so that not even the shrieking portrait under the stairs notices as he passes.

"There's not much but I can manage a porridge," Tonks says, and Remus lifts his eyes to see her flick her wand in the direction of a saucepan. His eyes are fixed on her hands as she places the sugar, honey and jam between them, unable to bring himself to tell her that he couldn't possibly eat anything that she placed in front of him right now.

And then suddenly Tonks laughs quietly but the noise is half-forgotten and makes Remus meets her eyes in disbelief. She shrugs, leans back on the back legs of the chair and folds her arms across her chest before saying, "Merlin's sake Remus. Can you imagine what he'd say if he could see you now?"

Although no name was spoken Remus knew exactly who Tonks meant and, despite his initial instinct to ignore what she implied, he finds an irrepressible smile breaking his face. Tonks laughs lightly again and Remus shakes his head, looking down at his hands that look suddenly so old to him, compared to hers, as he turns them one way to inspect them and then the other, before saying, "He'd tell me…" He stops, unable to say what he knows what would be said. The smile that has come unbidden to his lips vanishes as he buries his forehead in his hand, suddenly wishing that Tonks would apparate away.

His heart leaps into his throat as he hears through closed eyes the sound of the chair legs scraping against the tile, and for a moment he fears that she is leaving. Yet from the noise behind him and the sudden scent of porridge that has passed by his nose he knows that she has not; and he opens his eyes to see a full bowl before him, and Tonks back in her place, reaching for the jam.

"You shouldn't be here," Remus says, stirring a heapful of sugar into his porridge. Tonks says nothing as he continues, "I'm not really much company of late."

"Surely that's the time I should be here the most," she says, the tiniest of blushes lacing her cheeks. Remus has no answer for this as he suddenly realises just how pleased he is to see her, and how hungry he is for the porridge before him. He watches as Tonks takes a mouthful of porridge and, with the raise of one eyebrow, tells him that he should do the same. And as he lifts the sticky mixture towards him, Remus finds that he just cannot help but feel thankful that she is here.

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I have never been much of a Tonks/Remus shipper (possibly because I don't want to share!) but on writing this I began to like her more. Her heart is in the right place I think. Let me know your opinions. I love getting your reviews! xxx


	71. Chapter 71

A/N: Last upload for the moment but, as it's very much a matter of supply and demand now, if you would like me to upload more rapidly just let me know, and you'll find I'll meet your requests!

It's very exciting to know that you'll have read this all soon, as I can't wait for you to know what I've done with all the characters.

Anyway, let's return to our story. Two friends flying with an unexpected outcome.

Thank you to Meg and Rosie for doing what they do best!

Disclaimer: Alas, I do not own the characters, I merely borrow them. No need to sue!

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"Once more…one more time Sirius and I swear when we land I'll hex you into oblivion!" Remus struggled to make him self heard over the wind that whipped around them. Sirius simply laughed in response, looking over his shoulder at his friend, his eyes dancing manically as he said through the hair that flew in front of his face, "Oh come on Moony, Prongs wouldn't moan half as much!"

What Remus hadn't realised was that when Dumbledore had said that arrangements had been made for their return home, that this would involve Sirius taking his new flying motorbike for a test run. It seemed that it was Arthur Weasley, an extremely un-Blacklike distant relation of Sirius', who had an insatiable infatuation with anything Muggle, had long since been making enquiries on Sirius' behalf. And that only that morning Arthur had owled Sirius at the Potter's to tell him he had managed to find someone who was willing to charm a motorbike to make it fly.

Remus had looked to Dumbledore for support; to tell them not just how dangerous it would be to fly it before it had been properly tested, and that it was also very illegal to put such spells on Muggle transport. However, it seemed that Dumbledore had disappeared before the issue could be raised, and Remus couldn't help but feel that this was his way of turning a blind eye to the way they would be getting home. So he'd had little choice but to reluctantly agree to climb up on the motorbike behind Sirius and cling on for dear life as his friend revved up the engine, tore along the deserted backstreet before streaking off into the darkening sky.

To Remus' surprise, after the initial take-off, the engine of the motorbike was incredibly quiet; purring no louder than a cat as they zipped along, unseen, for miles. However, Sirius seemed to take little notice of the pin-pricked lights that implied many Muggles below every time he revved the engine again; laughing as they suddenly jolted forward, causing Remus to dig his knees hard into the leather of the seat.

After the first twenty minutes of their journey, however, it appeared that Sirius was perhaps beginning to listen to some of the things that Remus was shouting and he slowed down; becoming less reckless in his flying. As they passed a motorway below, dots of headlights zooming, Remus almost began to enjoy the experience. It was an unusually hot evening and although the sun had set almost an hour before, warmth still clung to the air. There was not a single cloud in sight asides from one that trailed its way lazily across the waxing moon; the stars appearing almost orange against the navy sky. Sirius had grown silent, allowing the bike to do most of the work as they grew nearer to Remus' home.

"So, what do you think now?" Sirius asked, not turning his eyes away from the sky that stretched out endlessly in front of them. Remus sighed, leaning back, relaxing slightly, as he said, "I prefer it to a broomstick."

Sirius gave a sharp bark of laughter at this that seemed to echo on the limits of the horizon before he conceded, "You're not that bad a flyer really….well…obviously you don't have the natural ability as someone like me for example…"

Remus laughed and shook his head before teasing, "Oh I don't know, Padfoot. I've seen better. Snape, for example…" The words turned into a yelp of horror as all of a sudden Sirius revved the engine and shot off through the sky with such force that Remus had to cling to Sirius with all his might to prevent himself from slipping. All below blurred into streaks of light and dark, whilst all above became a torrent of air. Sirius was laughing; bent, intent, over the handlebars. Remus couldn't even find it in himself to threaten him as Sirius suddenly changed direction and began a rapid descent. The air froze his skin as it whipped past and as Remus could see the world beneath coming up dangerously close to meeting them, he couldn't help but close his eyes and hold his breath, before the motorbike hit the grass with a light thud.

Sirius broke hard, sending Remus crashing into the back of him so that hit his chin on his friend's shoulder. He was laughing as he turned off the engine, but as soon as Remus was certain that the ground wasn't going to fall away from beneath him, he leapt off the motorbike, withdrew his wand and aimed a hex at Sirius.

Sirius dodged it without even realising as he bent down to tie his shoelace, but the minute he saw the sparks flying over his head, he gave a brief smile before withdrawing his wand and bolting off over the field they had landed in, shouting something shocking back at him.

Remus followed in quick pursuit, his eyes fixed determinedly on the back of Sirius' head, as he fired hex after hex. Sirius was laughing hard and Remus couldn't help but laugh as he called out, "You better run, Padfoot. I swear, if I catch you…"

"If being the operative word," Sirius shot back with a hex to match, which Remus only narrowly avoided by side-stepping quickly to the right. As he rounded the tree line that run down by the back of his house, the tears from the run and the laughter blinkered him so much that he could hardly see as he scrambled over the low fence and dropped down into the garden beyond. His breath came in short, painful pants and, as wheezed to catch it, he was suddenly knocked off guard by Sirius, who had aimed a stinging hex that sent him toppling backwards.

Remus cursed himself as he tried to scramble to his feet, unwilling to take Sirius' hand as he offered it. Yet it would have been unsporting to have not allowed him to help him up and Sirius was laughing as he yanked him to his feet.

"If you will insist on threatening the best dueller in the year," Sirius said with a low bow. Remus couldn't help but scoff at this as he dusted down the back of his robes and starring down, disgruntled, at the small, red weal that had appeared on his right wrist. "Although…" Sirius began again, reaching down to retrieve Remus' wand from where it had flown out of his hand and into the bushes. He handed it to him with a smile and said, "I fancied your chances back there in Borgin and Burkes."

Remus tried not be flattered, and as he glanced to the house behind him in time to see the light in the dining room being flicked on, he mumbled, "That's not the point. We were in danger. All of us."

"And that's my fault is it?" Sirius snapped back, automatically on the defensive, and for perhaps the first time in their friendship Remus smiled before disagreeing, "No. No it's not. If I had been in your position, I would have done the same."

Sirius laughed genuinely at this, shaking his head so that his hair fell loosely in front of his face before saying, "And I thought I was the one who liked to shock." Remus flushed hard at this and, after looking over Remus' shoulder to the house beyond, Sirius cocked his head to one side before launching himself forward to kiss Remus' cheek hard.

Remus staggered back, completely taken off guard with the force of Sirius' movement, so much so that when Sirius moved away, he could hardly focus on his friend's laughing face. He was frozen; completely unable to move anything except his lips, which were opening and shutting silently like a fish in attempt to say something…anything. Yet Sirius had already taken a step backwards and, with the raise of one eyebrow and a final snigger, had said goodbye before disappearing back over the fence.

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How he loves to shock! Reviews and opinions heartily encouraged. Expect more updates soon! xxx 


	72. Chapter 72

A/N: This is proof that I have actually have had this story completed for sometime and have just been waiting for the opportunity to upload it all...

Thank you SO much for all your wonderful reviews. I really had no idea how much this story is meaning to some of you; almost as much as it means to me. I had planned to upload it over at Mugglenet to see if I could wrangle any sort of awards. What do people think? And this whole having it's OWN website; could that, in a million years, ever work? Let me know what your opinions are.

So, back to Hogwarts after Easter and the Marauders begin to encounter problems of the romantic kind.

Thank you to Meg and Rosie who have, so patiently, helped me with this.

Disclaimer: J.K.Rowling has created the characters that have inspired me. I don't own them. No need to sue.

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As Remus walked through the grounds of Hogwarts, narrowly avoiding a group of first-years in a flap as they chased a gangrenous looking creature down towards the lake, he suddenly noticed how all the blossom on the trees seemed to have come out at once. A week ago, when he had returned to Hogwarts there had barely been the vaguest sign of buds, yet now the sun had strengthened, inspiring delicate flowers in shades of pink and white - and, in the case of a bizarre looking tree by Hagrid's hut, brown. Remus had noticed how summer always seemed to arrive all at once at Hogwarts; the smallest signs of sun sending students into a stupor. There would be greater demands for ice cream in the Great Hall; optimism making some brave enough to venture outside without the obligatory umbrella. Yet today, as Remus walked towards the Quidditch pitch, enjoying the feeling of having returned after a long absence from a place that he loved, he knew by the blue skies overhead that there would be no chance of rain.

A jet of water squirted at the back of Remus' head and he reached back to touch the damp spot and, as he turned, he saw James running towards him, out-of-breath as he shouted, "Finally! I've been calling you for half an hour, but you were too away with the fairies to hear."

Attempting to dry the back of his hair with his sleeve, Remus continued to walk as he asked, "Where's Padfoot?" James grinned, his face brightening as he pocketed his wand and said, "Detention with Filch. It seems that his idea to get Peeves to swipe those fireworks he confiscated from us last term…backfired?"

"Already?" Remus sighed, although he wasn't at all surprised. "McGonagall won't be happy when she hears about that."

"Already has," said James as they rounded the outskirts of the pitch to head to the changing rooms. Remus watched as James placed one hand on his hip before imitating in a mock-McGonagall voice, "You are a N.E.W.T. student now, Mister Black, and you are expected to set a standard for the rest of the school." Remus couldn't help but smile as James continued, half-laughing, "What with him making it so obvious that he has issues with Regulus and Snape, I'm surprised he hasn't got more detentions than he has."

As they halted to loiter outside the changing room, Remus thought of all that happened before the Easter holidays. It was clear that Regulus and Snape had been working together as far as the Polyjuice Potion was concerned, but Remus was fairly certain that Regulus was ignorant of Snape's new found interest in Legilimency. Although none of the Marauders had any further evidence to back this up, Lily had to be right. It made complete sense; Snape's disappearances into the Room of Requirement, not to mention the incident just before they broke up where he had read Lily's mind. Initially James had ignored this, blinkered by the happiness of the confession that this incident had prompted Lily to make, but after all that had happened in Knockturn Alley, it seemed that James was suddenly more interested in making sure that Snape was doing what they thought he was.

"What I still don't get is…" James began, removing his glasses to clean them on the bottom of his shirt, "Who he has he been practicing on? I mean, it'd either have to be a partner in crime, or someone so dim-witted that they couldn't think for themselves."

Remus nodded slowly yet before he could think on this any further, people had started to stream out of the changing rooms, and he had looked up to see Eleanor smiling as she walked towards him. He hadn't seen her over the holidays again after that day in London, although they had written to each other several times to make sure everything was okay. It seemed that everyone who had been in Borgin and Burkes that day had received a similar speech from Dumbledore about the imminent threat of the Death Eaters and the formation of a group called the Order of the Phoenix. In fact, as Eleanor had told him in one of her letters, her second cousin Arabella was already a member.

It was unusual for Remus not to feel embarrassed as Eleanor went up on tip-toes to kiss him lightly on the cheek, but it seemed that James had quickly got used to the idea, especially since he had been receiving much more romantic interest himself.

"Alright Potter?" Eleanor asked, looping her arm through Remus' as they began to make their way back up to the castle. "Come to see if you can pick up any tips from a proper Quidditch team?"

James placed one hand over his heart and erupted into mock laughter, slapping Remus on the back hard with the words, "Someone award her the Witty Warlock award!" The laughter from James' lips disappeared and Eleanor retaliated with a disingenuous smile. Remus smiled quietly to himself; he knew that they liked one another.

"Has anyone seen Peter yet?" Remus asked only to be met with a disinterested shrug from James. "Not since yesterday. I think he's still sulking about missing out on all the excitement over Easter."

Remus' brow furrowed. "Excitement isn't exactly the word I would use."

James rolled his eyes very dramatically and Remus caught Eleanor giving his arm an affectionate squeeze. Yet before James could launch into his one hundredth rendition of how he had seen his life flash before him as Bellatrix had threatened him, Lily had began to walk towards them through the sunny busyness of the courtyard.

"Oh look here comes your girlfriend Potter," Eleanor said teasingly, relishing in the way that James blushed hard as Lily waved at them as she approached. Remus felt for James. Despite Lily's admission and the kiss that James still didn't know his friend's had witnessed, none of the Marauders actually knew whether or not James and Lily were officially an item. Of course there were still certain members of the school that were convinced that Lily was more interested in Snape, however, nothing more had been said on the subject. Remus just assumed that James was simply not ready to say.

"Well, the wedding's on" were Lily's first words as she met them and automatically Remus looked at James as if there was perhaps something bigger her wasn't revealing. "I can't believe she's actually marrying him."

"Who's getting married?" Eleanor asked, spying the envelope that Lily was shaking under their noses. She sighed, folding it and putting it in her pocket as she turned to James and said, "My sister. I can't believe it. She's so young! Only a couple of years older than me…"

"I thought you said your parent's didn't like him?" James asked, a little bemused. Lily nodded hard, sending her hair flying down her back. "I know, they don't, but it seems that she just couldn't resist when he got down on one knee at the checkout in the supermarket."

James sniggered but Lily looked seriously unimpressed as she pointed accusatorily at him and said, "I don't know what you're laughing at, you're not the one that's got to go to the wedding, probably having to wear some horrific outfit that Petunia thinks will compliment her dress."

"It can't be that bad," Remus said, cautiously watching as Lily seemed to become calm once more. She smiled slightly and raised an eyebrow, sounding almost delighted as she said, "I guess not. There will be some justice in her getting the last name, Dursley."

All of a sudden the group that were gathered realised that they were blocking one of the entrances to the castle, and that a number of third-year Hufflepuffs were moaning incoherently as they tried to squeeze past. Lily flashed a brief grin and said, "Better get going. Got some library books to return. See you in the common room later." And with that she disappeared amongst the sea of uniforms.

For a moment James stood motionlessly watching her, his eyes fixed on the back of her red head, muttering something under his breath. Yet before Remus could ask him what was wrong he seemed to snap out of it, mumble something very quickly about "Going to find Peter" before moving away. Remus stepped aside to allow a very flustered looking Flitwick to pass; as he did so feeling Eleanor twist her body so that she was standing in front of him. Her blue eyes grew slanted as she smiled mischievously up at him, allowing Remus enough time to take the hint to lower his head to kiss her. Yet as his lips were only inches away someone barged past, knocking him into her. Remus turned round to see someone that he thought was Sirius glance back at him over his shoulder with a cold smile. But he realised by the uniform that it had been Regulus that had pushed him and who was now grinning back so maliciously at them.

"Ignore him," Eleanor said in attempt to divert Remus' attention away. Remus gave a joyless laugh before saying, "Easier said than done."

"But what if you had something to distract yourself with?" Eleanor asked slowly.

"Well I suppose there is that Defence Against the Dark Arts essay to be getting on with." Eleanor dropped her hands by her sides and stared intently at Remus, waiting for the penny to drop too.

"Oh," Remus said, flushing. "Oh, right."

* * *

Bless Remus in all his innocence. But will he be able to last? Let me know what you think by reviewing! It really makes my day xxx 


	73. Chapter 73

A/N: Yet another update. I'm trying to do as much before I go back to my house at University so you're all in luck! Once again I have to thank you all for being such faithful readers and reviewers. I love you all for it! Keep it up! Only thirty odd chapters to go!

Sirius and Peter are both feeling surly.

Again, thanks to Meg and Roise.

Disclaimer: All credit is due to J.K.Rowling for the characters, but this story is mine and mine alone. No need to sue.

* * *

Sirius was in a sour mood as he flung himself down into a deep armchair in the common room that evening, saying nothing as he stared moodily at the carpet. Remus assumed that his detention with Filch had not gone well as he detected a strong scent of polish coming from his friend. After a moment or two of silently studying the ream of parchment on the table in front of him, looking briefly to his textbook for a useful quote, Remus asked without looking up, "Bad day?"

Sirius huffed in response, resting his head against the armrest before saying darkly, "Before you say anything about me knowing better, I've already had that lecture today."

"I wasn't going to say a thing," Remus said, a smile threatening to crack the corners of his mouth. He had finished his Defence Against the Dark Arts essay and as he was rolling his parchment to place it back inside his bag, he looked at Sirius and laughed. For a moment, Sirius looked furious yet after a moment this evaporated as he too relinquished his sombre expression and laughed.

They were interrupted by Lily who dumped a large pile of books on the table beside Remus and said, "Had a chance to look at the Potions homework yet?"

Sirius cocked an eyebrow before snapping bitterly, "What, having trouble Evans, now that Snivellus won't help you?" Remus, stunned by Sirius' cruel remark gazed at him with disbelief yet Lily ignored him altogether and, pulling a copy of the _Daily Prophet_ from between the books, asked, "Have you seen this? We're in here, you know…"

Remus shook his head and all at once Sirius took a sudden interest and forsook his place by the fireside to stare over Lily's shoulder. Lily went rigid as he approached and Remus couldn't help but be plagued by the feeling that if Sirius said one more thing, she would turn round and hex him. Yet he was drawn out of this worry, distracted by the moving photograph on the page before him. It showed a very flustered Mr Borgin, fruitlessly attempting to conceal the entire front of his shop from the camera by flinging his arms out wide. Remus' eyes moved to the headline which read

_Borgin Baffled by Bother _

_Following last month's incident in Borgin and Burkes, it appears that the shop's proprietor has been plagued by problems due to the ongoing Ministry inquiry. Despite countless witch and wizard witness testimonies it appears that Mr Borgin has been able to satisfy the queries of top Minister, Cornelius Fudge, in regards to what happened on Saturday 17__th__ April. The rumours of a confrontation between several well-respected members of the Wizarding community and five sixth-year students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, has yet to be confirmed. There is also a lack of evidence to suggest that a special team of Aurors working outside of the Ministry's authority were dispatched to intervene. Cornelius Fudge has been granted two weeks extension in his inquiry due to the complicated nature of this investigation. _

"They won't find anything," Sirius said certainly as he moved to sit back down in his chair. Lily looked to Remus, unconvinced. "Besides, the Ministry might have some idea of what's going on but there will be limits on what they'll allow the _Daily Prophet_ to know."

Remus had to agree. Despite Dumbledore's openness with them about the nature of the Order of the Phoenix, it was unlikely that the _Daily Prophet_ would come anywhere near to the truth of the matter. Lily folded away the paper concerned, before saying something under her breath that Remus couldn't hear. Sirius, it seemed, did catch something, for he had immediately leant forward in his chair and asked, "What was that?"

"I said," Lily said tersely, "That we wouldn't even be in this bother to begin with if you hadn't gone running after Lucius Malfoy."

Sirius expression darkened and his response was just as controlled as Lily's as he said slowly, "And if I hadn't of then we wouldn't know anything at all about the Order of the Phoenix."

For once Remus agreed with Sirius and, thinking that Lily would be forced to concede the point, he watched her face carefully. Yet she seemed to be growing increasingly angry, the heat slowly bubbling beneath the surface and causing her to flush crimson. Remus felt himself tense back into his chair, subconsciously gripping the arms as Lily said, "I really don't think that it would have been worth it if James had been hurt."

"Ha!" Sirius barked humourlessly, ignoring her look of complete disdain as she attempted to drown out his laughter by re-piling her books in front of her. "Forgive me if I'm not entirely convinced by your sudden concern for James' well-fare…" Remus cringed and attempted to throw Sirius a reprimanding glance, which he duly ignored to continue, "If I remember rightly, it was only a few weeks ago that you were ever so close to…"

Lily prevented Sirius from finishing what he was about to say by pushing her chair back behind her, grabbing her books and storming up the staircase towards the girls dormitory. Remus watched her go, angered by Sirius' continued laughter as he moved to take the seat that Lily had just vacated.

"You shouldn't do that," Remus said, his eyes fixed on Sirius. Sirius stopped laughing and leaning back nonchalantly in his chair he replied, "Oh come on Moony, you agreed with me that what happened was unavoidable."

"I was talking about what you said about Snape."

Sirius' eyes darkened. "Has everyone suddenly forgotten what he's being doing? From the way you keep talking you'll be starting up a protection racket for him next." Remus decided not to dignify this comment with a response and was about to leave when Sirius asked, "How's Eleanor?"

Remus attempted not to look guilty as he fumbled with the fastenings of his robes, trying to not let his mind wander to what he and Eleanor had been doing nearly all afternoon. Although he was refusing to meet Sirius' eyes he knew that they would be silently mocking, and he heard his friend exhale deeply before saying, "Am I to assume that your silence confesses a multitude of sins?"

Remus' eyes flicked up in Sirius' direction. He did not want to have this conversation at the best of times, especially not with him. He somehow knew that Sirius' interest behind his questioning was not simply motivated by curiosity; nor did he think that once Sirius knew he would merely use the information against him in the future. There was something about the way that Sirius was asking him that made Remus feel uncomfortable; almost as if Sirius somehow knew the truth but wanted to hear it from Remus anyway. Before he could make an excuse not to answer, James had clambered into the room through the portrait hole, pulling a peevish looking Peter behind him.

"Would somebody please explain to Wormtail," James began, crossing the room and leaving Peter hovering in the doorway, "That we weren't leaving him out when went to Knockturn Alley that day?"

Peter looked embarrassed as Sirius snapped impatiently, "Oh bloody hell, you're not still thinking like that are you?"

Peter gave a small shrug and shuffled nervously from foot to foot. "Well…I…"

"It really wasn't like that," Remus said, sensing that perhaps Peter was testing Sirius' patience. "We didn't even know that would happen when we went."

"Besides," James began, shrugging. "We told you everything that happened anyway."

"I just think it would have been good if I had been there too!" Peter unexpectedly shouted, his beady eyes moving from friend to friend, before he darted back out of the portrait hole he had just entered through. James, gob-smacked, gaped after him; and Remus could hardly believe that Peter had raised his voice. And Sirius, who had allowed the back legs of his chair to make contact once more with the floor, looked genuinely bemused as he turned to his friends and asked, "What the bloody hell was that all about?"

* * *

Ignore Wormtail at your own cost! (insert ominous music here) Remember to review and let me know how I'm doing xxx


	74. Chapter 74

A/N: Another update: it never rains but it pours.

Eleanor and Remus have a heart to heart. Remus comes dangerously close to hitting the nail on the head. (I particularly love the way this chapter ends and I hope you do too!)

Thank you to Megan and Rosie who have helped, so much, with this.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I merely manipulate them. No need to sue!

* * *

Eleanor was sat on the floor before him, cross-legged, twisting a blade of grass in her hands. It was hot yet there was no sun; overhead was overcast and grey. All around felt imposing and muggy and Remus was sure that, sooner or later, the rain would have to come. But as they sat beneath the tree beside the lake, Remus taking a sudden interest in the dusty earth that covered his shoes, it seemed that all the land was parched and dry. Remus suddenly felt he could relate, as he looked at the way the tree had optimistically stretched its roots towards the receding water's edge. His mouth was as dry as a bone, and as he tried to swallow the little saliva he had, he couldn't help but feel that his thirst was inspired by the way Eleanor was looking at him.

"I'm worried about you," she repeated, letting the grass fall as she leant back, her arms behind her, propping her up. Remus shook his head before running his hand idly through his hair in attempt to appear indifferent. It didn't work. "You're looking ill…you're always ill…" Eleanor continued and now Remus was frightened of meeting her eyes. _This was it_ he silently thought to himself, trying to ignore the way his chest ached a little more with every breath he took. Eleanor had finally realised why it was that he was always ill at particular times of the month; why he was always covered in cuts, unable to really explain where he had got them from. Very slowly, he met her blue eyes and set his face so he appeared impassive. This seemed to anger her and she snorted mirthlessly before saying, "Don't give me that look like I'm McGonagall telling you off…" Remus' brow furrowed in offence. "I'm just worried about you, that's all."

"I know," Remus said quietly. Eleanor sighed loudly before folding her arms on her bent knees and, as she placed her chin upon her arms, she said, "I just want to know what's wrong with you."

"Nothing." Remus reply was perhaps shorter than it could have been as he struggled to suppress the fear that was making his voice tremble. "Some people just get sicker than others. Why does it have to be anything more than that?"

Eleanor, who had obviously misinterpreted the tremor in his voice for anger, looked a little hurt; her blue eyes growing dark as she said, "It doesn't. That's not what I meant."

At once Remus felt guilty, annoyed at himself for taking his fear out on her. Without a second thought he shuffled on his behind so that he was sitting beside her and, wrapping his arm around and encouraging her to rest her head on his shoulder, he planted a brief kiss on her forehead with the words, "I'm sorry."

Eleanor said nothing but Remus could tell by the way she relaxed against him that all was forgiven. For what felt like a long time they sat in silence and Remus gazed out at the vast expanse of water before them. All at once he felt at peace; the worry of so many things forgotten as his mind wandered and he imagined the world below the surface. The Giant Squid pulsing lazily along; past mermaids and many an indescribable marine mammal that Remus had only glimpsed in books. He had a sudden urge to go swimming then; to dive into the water and let it relieve the aches and pains of his forthcoming transformation. He wanted to let the cool waves wash over his body and cleanse him of his guilt.

Remus blinked, drawn out of his daydream by Eleanor's gentle humming, that vibrated across his shoulder and tickled his skin through his shirt. Remus smiled to himself as he thought back to the first time he had met her properly, beneath the canopy of the Quidditch Pitch, huddled away from the rain. And as he thought he suddenly had the desire to ask her something that he would never normally have had the courage to ask.

"When did you first notice…" Remus paused, all of a sudden uncertain of whether or not this was an appropriate question to ask. Eleanor had stopped humming and was waiting for him to continue. "When did you fist know that you…erm…liked me?" Remus stressed the words delicately so that she would know what he was asking, and Eleanor gave a short laugh before, bringing her knees closer under her chin, she answered, "Clearly a lot longer before you knew you liked me."

Remus flushed at this and he tried not to think back to the awkward conversation they had beneath this tree once before. Eleanor rocked back against him, the whole of her body using his for support as she smiled to herself before asking, "Truthfully?"

Remus nodded, although after her last comment, he was unsure of whether he would like the answer that he would get. He looked down and noticed that the tips of Eleanor's ears had turned a little pink and she said, "At the end of last year…"

For a moment, Remus felt compelled not to believe her. He looked down into her face, puzzled, yet by the way she looked up he knew that she was being serious.

"Really?" Remus asked, more than a little surprised. Eleanor turned her face away so that Remus couldn't see how hard she was blushing before beginning, "I don't think you remember but at the end of last year you spoke to me after the History of Magic exam…" Remus tried to remember back that far, yet he couldn't recall anything at all. "I was worried about one of the questions and you told me I would be fine…but before I could say anything more Potter and Black had pulled you away…" Remus vaguely remembered.

"That was you?" He felt Eleanor's head move as she nodded against him. He tried not to smile, suddenly feeling extraordinarily happy that a girl had taken notice of him without him even realising. Eleanor scooted forward and turned round to face Remus, who managed to repress the grin quick enough so that she didn't see.

"Of course, I had seen you before that," her eyes had grown a little deviant as she smiled at the look of disbelief that had engulfed Remus' features. "I knew you were friends with Potter and Black. I saw you watching when they'd go practice…"

Remus laughed nervously before hiding his face in his hands. Eleanor laughed too as she pulled his hands away, her eyebrows cocked in question. She kissed him, allowing her lips to linger on his for a moment, and as she moved away Remus felt her warm breath trail across his face before she asked, "Is it so shocking for you to accept that someone fancies you?"

"Well…I…" Remus tried desperately to avoid Eleanor's eyes, yet failed as her face was only a few inches from his own. Finally, after exhaling deeply, he nodded his head vigorously before saying, "Well yes actually; I'm not the obvious choice." _Not like Sirius_ he added in his head. At once, Remus mentally rebuked himself for this, trying to remember that out of all the Marauders he was the only one that had a girlfriend. James had yet to say anything about what was happening between him and Lily.

Eleanor rolled her eyes, yet her smile betrayed her affection as she returned to her previous position of sitting beside him and, after staring out to the lake in silence for a moment, she said, "Honestly, Mister Lupin, what am I going to have to do to convince you otherwise?"

* * *

Remus knew that if he mentioned this to either Sirius or James that they would come up with many lewd suggestions of their own. Besides, as they made their way up the Grand Staircase, waiting patiently beside a group of Hufflepuff boys for them to change, it seemed that Sirius was far too busy trying to convince James to ask for Lily's help in making Polyjuice Potion to worry about where Remus had been.

"What makes you think that she'd listen to me anymore than she'd listen to you?" James said in a huff, throwing an angry look at the pale boy beside him who had accidentally trod on his foot. Sirius stuffed his hands in his pockets with the words, "Oh come on, Prongs, she's bound to. It will take ages if we try and brew it on our own."

"What about you, Moony?" James asked, looking to Remus optimistically. Sirius leant forwards and said in a hushed voice, "His furry little problem's coming soon."

"Ah," James said, a bit annoyed at himself for forgetting.

With a light smile Remus shrugged, and with his eyes fixed purposefully on Sirius as he said, "Besides, my moral scruples make me object."

James sniggered at this and Sirius, after flashing Remus a saccharine smile, continued to whine, "Come on James. You know she'll help if you ask her to. Especially now…" Sirius paused and James, his eyes suddenly growing suspicious, pushed his glasses up his noise before snapping back, "Now what?"

Before Remus could protest Sirius had grabbed him, kicked his legs from beneath him so he was stooped backwards, and as Sirius imitated sloppy kisses in the air above Remus' mouth he said, "I never want you to worry about me again, Lilykins."

With all his might Remus pushed Sirius off him, standing up and agitatedly straightening his uniform as the Hufflepuff boys that were watching laughed and made gagging noises. James was puce; his eyes bulging out of his head as he seemed to be trying desperately to decide between saying something to Sirius and hexing him.

He did neither, however, and the moment the stairs had stopped moving, he stormed off. Remus watched him go, annoyed at Sirius and his insensitivity. So, as punishment, he looked at Sirius out of the corner of his eye, and said loud enough for every boy on the stairs to here, "If you carry on with all this kissing business, Sirius, I'll start to think you fancy me."

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Hehe! Opinions and reviews welcomed and encouraged. Am I truly evil for ending it there? xxx


	75. Chapter 75

A/N: I have to apologise for the confusing state of the uploads of late. I have had to go back and take down some of the chapters I uploaded recently after I realised that I actually missed out a chapter entirely (A VERY IMPORTANT CHAPTER). So please accept my humble apologies and I hope that this make so much more sense with the missing chapter inserted.

The chapter I missed was the next one, without it it just wasn't the same story. I hope you read and enjoy it and this gets the story nicely back into shape.

I know some of you have already read this so I'm sorry but it will all be back on track now!

Disclaimer: I don't own it so don't sue!

* * *

Eleanor was sat on the floor before him, cross-legged, twisting a blade of grass in her hands. It was hot yet there was no sun; overhead was overcast and grey. All around felt imposing and muggy and Remus was sure that, sooner or later, the rain would have to come. But as they sat beneath the tree beside the lake, Remus taking a sudden interest in the dusty earth that covered his shoes, it seemed that all the land was parched and dry. Remus suddenly felt he could relate, as he looked at the way the tree had optimistically stretched its roots towards the receding water's edge. His mouth was as dry as a bone, and as he tried to swallow the little saliva he had, he couldn't help but feel that his thirst was inspired by the way Eleanor was looking at him.

"I'm worried about you," she repeated, letting the grass fall as she leant back, her arms behind her, propping her up. Remus shook his head before running his hand idly through his hair in attempt to appear indifferent. It didn't work. "You're looking ill…you're always ill…" Eleanor continued and now Remus was frightened of meeting her eyes. _This was it_ he silently thought to himself, trying to ignore the way his chest ached a little more with every breath he took. Eleanor had finally realised why it was that he was always ill at particular times of the month; why he was always covered in cuts, unable to really explain where he had got them from. Very slowly, he met her blue eyes and set his face so he appeared impassive. This seemed to anger her and she snorted mirthlessly before saying, "Don't give me that look like I'm McGonagall telling you off…" Remus' brow furrowed in offence. "I'm just worried about you, that's all."

"I know," Remus said quietly. Eleanor sighed loudly before folding her arms on her bent knees and, as she placed her chin upon her arms, she said, "I just want to know what's wrong with you."

"Nothing." Remus reply was perhaps shorter than it could have been as he struggled to suppress the fear that was making his voice tremble. "Some people just get sicker than others. Why does it have to be anything more than that?"

Eleanor, who had obviously misinterpreted the tremor in his voice for anger, looked a little hurt; her blue eyes growing dark as she said, "It doesn't. That's not what I meant."

At once Remus felt guilty, annoyed at himself for taking his fear out on her. Without a second thought he shuffled on his behind so that he was sitting beside her and, wrapping his arm around and encouraging her to rest her head on his shoulder, he planted a brief kiss on her forehead with the words, "I'm sorry."

Eleanor said nothing but Remus could tell by the way she relaxed against him that all was forgiven. For what felt like a long time they sat in silence and Remus gazed out at the vast expanse of water before them. All at once he felt at peace; the worry of so many things forgotten as his mind wandered and he imagined the world below the surface. The Giant Squid pulsing lazily along; past mermaids and many an indescribable marine mammal that Remus had only glimpsed in books. He had a sudden urge to go swimming then; to dive into the water and let it relieve the aches and pains of his forthcoming transformation. He wanted to let the cool waves wash over his body and cleanse him of his guilt.

Remus blinked, drawn out of his daydream by Eleanor's gentle humming, that vibrated across his shoulder and tickled his skin through his shirt. Remus smiled to himself as he thought back to the first time he had met her properly, beneath the canopy of the Quidditch Pitch, huddled away from the rain. And as he thought he suddenly had the desire to ask her something that he would never normally have had the courage to ask.

"When did you first notice…" Remus paused, all of a sudden uncertain of whether or not this was an appropriate question to ask. Eleanor had stopped humming and was waiting for him to continue. "When did you fist know that you…erm…liked me?" Remus stressed the words delicately so that she would know what he was asking, and Eleanor gave a short laugh before, bringing her knees closer under her chin, she answered, "Clearly a lot longer before you knew you liked me."

Remus flushed at this and he tried not to think back to the awkward conversation they had beneath this tree once before. Eleanor rocked back against him, the whole of her body using his for support as she smiled to herself before asking, "Truthfully?"

Remus nodded, although after her last comment, he was unsure of whether he would like the answer that he would get. He looked down and noticed that the tips of Eleanor's ears had turned a little pink and she said, "At the end of last year…"

For a moment, Remus felt compelled not to believe her. He looked down into her face, puzzled, yet by the way she looked up he knew that she was being serious.

"Really?" Remus asked, more than a little surprised. Eleanor turned her face away so that Remus couldn't see how hard she was blushing before beginning, "I don't think you remember but at the end of last year you spoke to me after the History of Magic exam…" Remus tried to remember back that far, yet he couldn't recall anything at all. "I was worried about one of the questions and you told me I would be fine…but before I could say anything more Potter and Black had pulled you away…" Remus vaguely remembered.

"That was you?" He felt Eleanor's head move as she nodded against him. He tried not to smile, suddenly feeling extraordinarily happy that a girl had taken notice of him without him even realising. Eleanor scooted forward and turned round to face Remus, who managed to repress the grin quick enough so that she didn't see.

"Of course, I had seen you before that," her eyes had grown a little deviant as she smiled at the look of disbelief that had engulfed Remus' features. "I knew you were friends with Potter and Black. I saw you watching when they'd go practice…"

Remus laughed nervously before hiding his face in his hands. Eleanor laughed too as she pulled his hands away, her eyebrows cocked in question. She kissed him, allowing her lips to linger on his for a moment, and as she moved away Remus felt her warm breath trail across his face before she asked, "Is it so shocking for you to accept that someone fancies you?"

"Well…I…" Remus tried desperately to avoid Eleanor's eyes, yet failed as her face was only a few inches from his own. Finally, after exhaling deeply, he nodded his head vigorously before saying, "Well yes actually; I'm not the obvious choice." _Not like Sirius_ he added in his head. At once, Remus mentally rebuked himself for this, trying to remember that out of all the Marauders he was the only one that had a girlfriend. James had yet to say anything about what was happening between him and Lily.

Eleanor rolled her eyes, yet her smile betrayed her affection as she returned to her previous position of sitting beside him and, after staring out to the lake in silence for a moment, she said, "Honestly, Mister Lupin, what am I going to have to do to convince you otherwise?"

* * *

Remus knew that if he mentioned this to either Sirius or James that they would come up with many lewd suggestions of their own. Besides, as they made their way up the Grand Staircase, waiting patiently beside a group of Hufflepuff boys for them to change, it seemed that Sirius was far too busy trying to convince James to ask for Lily's help in making Polyjuice Potion to worry about where Remus had been.

"What makes you think that she'd listen to me anymore than she'd listen to you?" James said in a huff, throwing an angry look at the pale boy beside him who had accidentally trod on his foot. Sirius stuffed his hands in his pockets with the words, "Oh come on, Prongs, she's bound to. It will take ages if we try and brew it on our own."

"What about you, Moony?" James asked, looking to Remus optimistically. Sirius leant forwards and said in a hushed voice, "His furry little problem's coming soon."

"Ah," James said, a bit annoyed at himself for forgetting.

With a light smile Remus shrugged, and with his eyes fixed purposefully on Sirius as he said, "Besides, my moral scruples make me object."

James sniggered at this and Sirius, after flashing Remus a saccharine smile, continued to whine, "Come on James. You know she'll help if you ask her to. Especially now…" Sirius paused and James, his eyes suddenly growing suspicious, pushed his glasses up his noise before snapping back, "Now what?"

Before Remus could protest Sirius had grabbed him, kicked his legs from beneath him so he was stooped backwards, and as Sirius imitated sloppy kisses in the air above Remus' mouth he said, "I never want you to worry about me again, Lilykins."

With all his might Remus pushed Sirius off him, standing up and agitatedly straightening his uniform as the Hufflepuff boys that were watching laughed and made gagging noises. James was puce; his eyes bulging out of his head as he seemed to be trying desperately to decide between saying something to Sirius and hexing him.

He did neither, however, and the moment the stairs had stopped moving, he stormed off. Remus watched him go, annoyed at Sirius and his insensitivity. So, as punishment, he looked at Sirius out of the corner of his eye, and said loud enough for every boy on the stairs to here, "If you carry on with all this kissing business, Sirius, I'll start to think you fancy me."

* * *

Well here we are. Some of you may have been disappointed that I didn't explore Sirius' reaction to this event. I did. Go over to the next chapter to find out what it was... 


	76. Chapter 76

A/N:** This was the chapter that everyone missed so everyone needs to read it to make sense of the story.**

It was too good a chapter to miss out entirely. Lashings of tension and angst. Warning: could our Remus be...jealous?

Disclaimer: I don't own them so don't sue!

* * *

Later that evening, as Remus was climbing the stairs very slowly towards the dormitory, clutching the wall for support, he felt suddenly sickened by more than just the prospect of his transformation the following night. As he halted at the top of the stairs by an open window, allowing the dismal sun that was slipping rapidly from the castle to bathe his face, Remus couldn't help but recall Sirius' expression on the staircase with cold humour. He had obviously not been expecting it, and the more the Hufflepuff boys had laughed, the more thunderous Sirius' eyes had become. He had turned from Remus who, trying to get Sirius to see the funny side, had smiled optimistically in his direction. Yet it was clear by the time that they had reached the portrait of the Fat Lady that this wasn't going to work and, as they had clambered through, Sirius had said absolutely nothing more to him, before storming up to the dormitory above.

Remus, who had spent the rest of the afternoon collapsed on one of the sofas beneath an open window in a feeble attempt to remain cool, and stop himself feeling sick, was surprised that Sirius had reacted so strongly. He had only meant it as a joke; a punishing joke maybe, yet it was no worse than anything Sirius had ever said to any of the Marauders in the past. In any case, Sirius wasn't usually the type of person to put much credence in the opinions of others. In his six years at Hogwarts there had been many an inventive and colourful rumour surrounding him; whether this was in relation to the scandal that being placed in Gryffindor had created, or whether it was the whispers about his countless romantic liaisons, which included, of all people, Rosmerta of The Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade. Yet, by the way Sirius had reacted, Remus had obviously provoked him in a way he had never meant to.

The dormitory door swung open and a nervous looking Peter blinked, clearly not expecting to see Remus. As Peter moved back and allowed him to enter, Remus' eyes swiftly swept the scene to see which of his friends had returned. Peter's bed was strewn with textbooks on the Dark Arts, which he made a hurried effort to close and shove under his pillow. From the bathroom beyond, Remus could hear the sound of running water, and by the robes that were thrown across one of the beds, he knew that the person in there was James. Sirius had yet to return and as Remus moved very slowly to sit down on his bed, he looked to Peter and asked, "Have you seen Padfoot?"

Peter shook his head and paled, although he did seem a little less upset than he had been of late. "I don't think James has seen him either, not since what he said on the stairs…"

Remus raised an eyebrow, surprised that Peter knew, yet before he could ask anymore James had re-entered the room, one towel round his waist and another over his shoulders, and he looked blindly to Remus' bed before moving to his side of the room.

"Do you have the map?" Remus asked and James, who had dried his face and replaced his glasses, said with a sniff, "No. He must have taken it with him." It was clear by the curtness of his response that James was still not happy about what Sirius had said on the stairs; perhaps embarrassed by the knowledge of what his friends had seen.

"You don't think…" Peter began nervously, at once attracting the attention of his friends. He blushed and, shifting a little, he hesitated before continuing, "You don't think he's done anything…stupid?"

James gave a bark of laughter to rival Sirius' and, as he pulled on his trousers, he said, "Would it really be that surprising if he had?"

Remus smiled tight-lipped at this for a moment before agreeing, "I think maybe Wormtail's got a point. He did seem more…bad tempered than usual when you left us on the stairs."

"Why?" James asked, a little accusatorily, "What did you say?"

"Nothing," Remus said quietly, looking guiltily down at his blankets. To his relief he sensed that James' eyes had left him, and when he looked up again he was just in time to see his friend's face disappearing beneath a jumper.

"Maybe he's going to take it out on someone? Someone like Snape?" Peter suggested in a small voice, and at once Remus remembered the note that Sirius had passed to him in Potions.

"He said something to me," Remus was speaking faster, suddenly concerned more than he had been before about Sirius' whereabouts "About finally coming up with a plan to find out for certain about Snape. What if he changed his mind after you said that you wouldn't be able to convince Lily and decided to do something else? Something more…rash?"

James blanched and Remus could tell that he suddenly grown just as concerned as he had. The combination of Sirius being as unpredictable as he had been of late, coupled with his extreme reaction to what Remus had said earlier, could only mean trouble. If Sirius was looking for someone to vent his anger at, it would definitely be Snape, and by the look on James' face, he knew it too.

James sighed dramatically before dropping to his knees and reaching to retrieve something from under his bed. Peter craned his neck to see what it was but Remus, who already had a good idea of what it could be, relaxed back against one of the posts to his bed and waited for James to stand.

"I'm not going though," James said huffily, throwing the silvery Invisibility Cloak in Remus' direction. Remus caught it and James flung himself down on his bed, staring determinedly up into the canopy before grumbling, "I'm not ready to talk to him…not just yet."

As Remus stood and placed the cloak about his shoulders, sending his body into translucency, he threw an expectant glance in Peter's direction, waiting for him to express a desire to come too. Yet it seemed that Peter, just like James, was not ready to talk to Sirius yet and Remus sighed heavily before asking, "Where should I start? I don't have the map…"

"How about the seventh floor?"

* * *

Even though the sun had long since set, stifling heat still clung to the castle. As Remus clambered up the Grand Staircase for what felt like the thousandth time he began to wish that he wasn't so easily worried. He should have been taking it easy in a squashy armchair in the common room, or perhaps he should have just gone to bed? Instead, here he was, traipsing round the castle in a desperate attempt to find his slightly unhinged friend to stop him from doing something stupid. For what felt like the thousandth time since he and Sirius had become friends, Remus had the strongest sense of déjà vu.

He had searched the seventh floor as Peter had suggested yet there was no sign of anyone except the Bloody Baron, who looked more morose than usual as he floated down the hallway. Remus had searched the castle from top to bottom; narrowly avoiding walking smack bang into the back of Slughorn, who was, for some reason, still dithering in the dungeons. He had suppressed a sneeze behind a Slytherin prefect that was skulking around outside one of the History of Magic classrooms and he was now in no mood to keep looking. Mentally he told himself that one more sweep would suffice; and, if after that Sirius still couldn't be found, he'd just have to hope that he hadn't done anything that bad.

As Remus reached the third floor and began to, very reluctantly, look in all the places he thought he had already checked, he could have sworn that he had heard a low mewing coming from somewhere behind him. Yet as soon as the noise was there it had vanished and with a shrug Remus continued his search of the corridor. He had tried his best to remember any of the secret passages he could from the Marauders Map but there were so many that, without the map in front of him, he found it harder than he would have liked. But before Remus could get any more frustrated about this he heard the mewing again, louder than before, and the familiar voice of Filch as he drew nearer saying, "If I catch another student out of bed this evening, I'll…"

Remus didn't hang around to hear what Filch would do as he, very swiftly, moved lightly towards a broom cupboard on the opposite side of the hall. As quietly as he could he had pulled open the door and, just as Filch's lamplight had caught up with his heels, he had pulled the door closed behind him to wait for him to pass. The sight that awaited him on the other side, however, made Remus struggle to suppress the gasp that was threatening to surface; not only revealing his position to Filch, but also telling the couple in the cupboard that they were no longer alone.

He knew, without doubt, that he had found Sirius, although he had no way of telling who the anonymous girl was. They had clearly not heard the door of the cupboard being opened and closed and as Remus shuffled slowly backwards, his hand reaching behind him to find the handle, he found himself horridly transfixed. The girl with dark hair had her bare back to him, the shadows of light barely revealing her face as she turned her head to the side to grant Sirius better access to her neck. Yet as she moved Remus saw that the girl was Amelia Bennet, the Slytherin Seeker; the same girl that Sirius had once denied being interested in at all.

His actions now seemed to suggest otherwise, and Remus told himself that his heart leapt into his throat because he had heard the distinct noise of Mrs Norris meowing outside of the door. The lovers didn't hear and as Remus felt helplessly trapped, he cursed himself for his inability to look away. Sirius' hand was moving, his fingers demanding against her bare shoulder as he pushed her strap over and down. She seemed to be lost in the moment and Remus subconsciously mimicked her small moan as he watched the way that Sirius moved his mouth on her neck, easing her back slowly against the wall, his grey eyes and predatory.

Remus suddenly moved, his hand pulling upon the door with little thought of whether or not Filch had gone, or whether or not the lovers had noticed. He stumbled backwards, falling as he kicked the door close, hoping that this would be enough to make them think it was breeze and nothing more. Remus stood, his hands shaking as began to move, away from the cupboard and the third floor; and as he reached the Grand Staircase he yanked the Invisibility Cloak irritably from his shoulders, feeling hot and, all of a sudden, hoping that Sirius and Amelia would get caught.

* * *

He had said nothing to James when he had returned, folding the Invisibility Cloak carefully before handing it back. He had avoided Peter's eyes carefully as he had got undressed and, after mumbling something vaguely coherent about not feeling right, had pulled the heavy drapes around his bed, shutting out his friends.

And then he had pretended to sleep; hearing first Peter and then James drop off, their peaceful snores breaking the uneasy silence of the room. But Remus could not sleep so instead he waited, blinking up into the canopy, tense with the moment that the dormitory door would open and Sirius would return.

Finally, after what seemed like hours of waiting, he heard the door open and lay motionless as he heard Sirius creep across the room. Although the curtains were pulled he could imagine him; the moon, almost swollen to it's full, illuminating him briefly as he crossed the patches of light, before he once again plunged into darkness. As he heard Sirius go into the bathroom Remus closed his eyes yet when did he found that he could see Sirius and Amelia embracing under his eyelids. He could not rid himself of it; again and again his mind seemed to want to replay the way that she had moaned as Sirius had sensually nipped her neck and the way he had unintentionally mimicked it.

Remus turned, kicking the sheets from his body as he did so; his chest was dosed in sweat. Yet he stopped moving as he heard Sirius returning, closing the door behind him to slowly cross the room.

He stopped and Remus held his breath. Through the dark his eyes could clearly make out a chink between the curtains, which swayed softly as though someone was approaching. Remus' whole body tensed as his mind became heavy with the memories of that evening and the dull ache that always came when the full moon was so near. Yet to his uncertain relief he heard Sirius continue to cross the room, pull back the blankets and climb into bed.

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I think that was definately worth going back to upload. Review and let me know what you think! xxx


	77. Chapter 77

A/N: Most of you will have read this before. If not, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter so there is no need to sue!

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Remus had been unable to attend lessons the following day; being so ill from what would come that night. When he had awoken he had found James staring down at him, his mouth moving as he was saying something that Remus tried desperately to hear. Yet he found himself unable to answer; his mouth parched and dry and, as James had helped him as he had tried to sit up, he found Sirius was at his side, guiding a glass of water to his lips. Remus tried to not flinch away as he felt Sirius' arm about his shoulder as he helped him to stand. Through his clouded mind he remembered all that had happened the night before. But as he attempted to take a step away from them to rid himself of their guidance, Remus found the world swimming before he crashed to the floor.

He had spent all afternoon in the hospital wing after James and Sirius had insisted on taking him there after he nearly fainted again during lunch. Remus had been reluctant to go but by the way his stomach had swum as he had sat in front of a table piled with food, he knew that it was better to go than to stay. Yet he had almost regretted his decision to move as he saw, out of the corner of his eye, Eleanor stand up from the Ravenclaw table. James said something under his breath that Remus couldn't hear as Sirius bent down to collect his books from beneath the bench. As Remus struggled to steady his breathing, blinking hard to desperately rid his vision of the clouds that rolled across it, he saw that Eleanor was moving towards them; no doubt attracted by the sight of James and Sirius looking so concerned. Remus panicked; if she came over there would be no way to explain their behaviour and Sirius, whose eyes had caught Eleanor's through the crowd, bent low and whispered forcefully in Remus' ear, "Let's get out of here."

Despite the way his legs were objecting, Remus couldn't help but feel relieved by the way that his friends virtually dragged him out of the hall and away from Eleanor. Now, as he lay between the crisp, white sheets, trying to ignore the strong scent of cleaner that was stinging at his nostrils, Remus tried desperately to not think of the guilt he knew he would feel when he saw Eleanor for the first time after his transformation. He knew that there would be no other choice; another excuse would have to be found yet Remus hated to think of himself as a liar, despite the fact he knew that that was exactly what he was.

Very gradually the grey light had slid from the room and Remus could feel deep in his veins that the moon was slowly raising. All sense of time was lost to him as he heard through the queasy silence Madam Pomfrey pull back the screen to guide him to his feet. He felt disembodied as she pulled his robes over his shoulders before she glanced furtively through the doorway, leading him out.

"It's a hot night tonight," Remus heard her say as they drew ever closer towards the Whomping Willow. Although he didn't feel able to answer her, he knew she was right. The drought had continued for longer than anyone at Hogwarts would have liked; the teachers and pupils alike becoming increasingly irritable in the stale weather. As they moved ever closer towards the valuable tree, Remus could feel the earth crumbling beneath his feet and, as he took a staggering step forward, he thought with reservation of how dusty the tunnel to the Shrieking Shack would be.

"I hope you will be alright, Remus," Madam Pomfrey said, rather suddenly turning in a way that told Remus that she would very shortly leave. He tried to smile to reassure her but he found the pain in his chest too great. Remus' smile came out as a grimace and in response Madam Pomfrey reached down and took his hand in hers, and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"You can go now," he managed to wheeze despite himself. "I'll be alright from here." Yet the moment he reached the entrance of the tunnel that lead to the Shrieking Shack, Remus was suddenly overcome with a pain that was so crippling that it knocked his feet from beneath him and sent him sliding through the mud. Dust sprung up from all around him and Remus spluttered desperately to try and clear his eyes and lungs. But the coughing did nothing except cause Remus to inhale more; and the more he inhaled, the more he felt unable to breathe.

In an attempt to pull himself to his feet, Remus dug his fingers desperately into the dry earth either side of him. Yet the moon was already too strong; the boy that was Remus was growing too weak. In the back of his mind he grew frightened; frightened of what would happen if he transformed here, so close to the school. Yet before he was paralysed by the fear and the pain, he felt two strong hands grasp his shoulders from behind, and pull him to his feet.

"Come on, you're nearly there," he heard Sirius say as he felt himself suddenly lifted, his head lolling back against his friend's chest. Sirius gave a short bark of laughter as he pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and, as he wiped the dirt from Remus' eyes and mouth, he said, "And I think you mother me…"

Remus would have laughed at this if the pain hadn't been too much. His chest was tightening and he could already feel the familiar return of the monster crawling beneath his skin. His muscles felt stretched, stretched beyond capacity, as he felt the way his bones were preparing themselves to contort.

Sirius was saying something through the darkness that Remus couldn't hear, yet he still had the presence of mind to realise just how close they were to the trap door above. Fruitlessly, Remus tried to reach up to open the door, yet there was no way his body would allow him to do so. Sirius ushered him aside and pulled the cord, revealing the nervous faces of Peter and James above, who reached down to help Sirius as he guided Remus in.

"I didn't think you'd put in an appearance," Sirius snapped at Peter, who said nothing as he scurried off into the corner of the room to transfigure early. As Remus felt, through the haze of pain, James help him out of his clothes, he heard him say back to Sirius, "I don't think this is exactly the right time."

The friends stopped speaking as Remus let out his first scream of the night, a scream so chilling that Sirius instinctively pushed James aside to move closer to Remus on the shredded bed. Remus could feel his humanity slipping away as he gazed up into the face of his friend. Sirius' grey eyes moved swiftly down Remus' body as James tried to wrestle the remaining clothes from him. Remus felt as though the scream wouldn't stop and as Sirius leaned close to him, Remus' arms stretched out and grabbed Sirius tightly, pulling him towards him.

He heard James shout something that he couldn't hear and felt the way he tried to throw himself between his friends. But Remus, with the last breath he could manage before the werewolf would come, whispered desperately into Sirius' ear something he wouldn't remember in the morning, "Be strong for me Sirius. Be strong for me the way I'm strong for you."

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Opinions and reviews welcomed and encouraged xxx


	78. Chapter 78

A/N: Once again, I am sorry for missing a chapter and having to upload alot of this twice. Althoug if you are patient you will come across the new material soon!

Disclaimer: I don't own them so don't sue.

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For three days Remus had slipped in and out of consciousness. For three days his eyes had tried desperately to focus on the images that would flit before them, unfocused, as he momentarily opened his eyes. He recalled seeing Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall staring down at him when he was lying in the hospital wing. When they had moved him back to the Gryffindor dormitory Remus vaguely remembered hearing the voices of his friends as they said something to him, before he once again drifted back to sleep. Yet after three days of dreaming Remus finally felt strong enough to open his eyes fully, and gaze on the world around him.

The moment he had done so he wished that he hadn't as, sitting in a chair that had been pulled up beside the bed, Remus saw Eleanor reading a copy of the _Daily Prophet_. He tried to close his eyes to pretend that he was asleep, yet he was not quick enough, and as soon as Eleanor saw that he was awake, she folded the paper with the words, "Finally. I thought you would never wake up."

"H…how?" Remus asked, his voice seeming strange to him; he hadn't used it for so long. Eleanor shrugged, leaning back in her chair with a forced air of nonchalance that Remus didn't like before she said, "I spoke to Lily. I tried to speak to Potter, but that was about as much use as I expected it to be." She paused, her eyes narrowing as she looked down at him and said, "I was worried about you…"

"Y…you shouldn't," he stammered, suddenly shivering with a cold he didn't feel. Remus wanted to sound impatient; he wanted to seem unreasonable. If he could push her away before she got near to the truth it would save them both a lot of pain. He wished that his friends would enter; that James would make a joke about Quidditch or that Sirius would make some sadistic remark that would make her want to leave. Yet Remus knew Eleanor well enough now to recognise the look she was wearing; a look that told him that she would not let this go, and as she folded her arms across her chest, Remus tried to turn away as she said, "I know you're ill Remus. That something's wrong…I just wish you'd tell me."

"There's nothing to tell," Remus tried to strengthen his voice as he said this, yet he knew that his anger was unconvincing. Eleanor's cheeks darkened as, all at once, she seemed to become frustrated as she asked, "Why don't you trust me? What is it that you can't say?"

A million answers to these questions paraded through Remus' mind yet he suppressed his guilt well enough to say nothing, so that it was Eleanor that spoke again, "I'm just worried, that's all. There's nothing more to it than that."

Remus looked at her and the guilt he had tried to ignore came flooding back. Her blue eyes were dangerously glassy and Remus knew that he wouldn't be able to take it if she cried. He tried to shift slowly but inside his muscles still felt bruised so he had little choice but to stare calmly back as he said quietly, "I can't tell you anything that you don't already know." And Remus felt happy with his reply; it wasn't a lie at all.

Eleanor gave a small nod although her face was sad as she pulled her knees towards her to unlace her shoes. Remus said nothing as he watched her place them slowly on the floor beside her, before standing to pull her jumper off over her head.

"W…what are you doing?" Remus asked, not sure that he wanted a repeat of what had happened the last time that Eleanor had been in his bed. But as Eleanor reached down to pull back the blankets Remus knew he had little room to dispute as she climbed in bed beside him.

Unlike before Remus felt awkward; her body feeling uncomfortable beside his as she rested her head heavily against his shoulder. For a long while they stayed like this and Eleanor, who was breathing a little unsteadily, broke the silence with a wavering voice, "I want you to trust me. I want that more than anything."

"I do," Remus said with more conviction than he had realised he felt. Eleanor moved so that she was lying on her front, staring up into Remus' eyes, which flickered slightly under her scrutiny. She gave a small snort of laughter, shaking her head slowly, sending her blonde hair in front of her face as she asked feebly, "Do you?"

In response to this Remus kissed her, thinking of no other way to stop her from doubting; her doubt leading her dangerously close to the truth. She was immobile as he did so, causing him to withdraw; his eyes searching hers, asking what was wrong. Very slowly Eleanor reached down and moved to unbutton Remus' top yet instinctively Remus reached up to stop her. He took a deep breath before opening his eyes to move his hands away; afraid of what stories the scars on his chest would reveal, yet secretly hoping that they would tell her the truth that he couldn't. Remus shivered as he felt her push aside the fabric and he watched, his heart in his throat, as Eleanor dipped her head to kiss an angry scar he had on his stomach for years.

He wanted to tell her everything as he felt the way her bottom lip was moist against his skin; he wanted to confess all. Yet there was nothing that he could do but watch, entranced, as Eleanor moved backwards and, blushing slightly, began to unbutton her shirt.

"I'm sorry," Remus said without knowing why and, instead of her usual laughter, Eleanor replied by saying nothing; taking his hands in hers to push her shirt from off her shoulders.

He laughed at himself when he thought that he had never seen a girl so naked before yet, to his complete astonishment, Remus didn't blush. It felt normal and natural to hold her against him as they kissed; unable to tell whose limbs were whose and whose hands were going where. She was completely silent which unnerved him, yet his fears were soon put to rest as she said in a breathy whisper, "I want you to trust me how I trust you."

Remus nodded, unable to speak as he felt the way she rolled onto her back, pulling him onto his side so that he was leaning down over her. Eleanor smiled then for what he felt was the first time since he had awoken; a smile that she tried to hide in the pillow that had slipped above her head. Remus sighed softly as he kissed her collar bone, fascinated by the way that the bones moved beneath the skin, as he asked, "What?"

Remus felt the way she traced her fingertips through his hair and over his scalp before she pushed his head from her, making him look down. She was flushed and her lips seemed more invitingly swollen than usual, and Remus felt a sharp pang of desire as her teeth scraped across her bottom lip as she said, "I just think it's funny that you're less nervous than me."

Remus debated asking what about, yet it seemed that even he had caught on eventually. He had been nervous once; he had been hesitant and a little cold, yet there had always been something about Eleanor that had allowed him to be more confident than he ever thought he could. As he felt the way her fingertips moved from the back of his neck and down over his spine, playing him slowly, he smiled, a little embarrassed despite himself, before kissing her softly.

It was cautious, as was only to be expected; each seemed to slowly be taking their time in mapping the other's body. They had laughed a few times when beginning, at each other's fumbling mistakes and evident nervousness. Yet as they had relaxed into each other Remus had felt things he had never dreamed were possible; a desire he had never truly understood. He wanted to please her; he was entranced and felt rewarded every time that she sighed softly to herself. He was surprised at his own body and the way it could react; surprised, just as she was, at the pleasure it could give. As with everything that had ever happened between them, their confidence grew and soon enough Remus was certain that she wouldn't stop him; became more certain that she didn't want him to.

Their senses collided and even though it pained him, Remus struggled to hold her and pin her as best he could. As he kissed her harder he tasted her sweat, beading on her top lip as her hair was strewn across her face. He relished in the way she clung to him, their bodies pressed together, so much so that Remus felt sure that this was something he could never tire of. They were united and it was unforgiving; unrelenting; threatening to break them both. But just as Remus thought that the passion would kill them, it slipped away; its warmth lingering to caress them, as he pulled her body to him; closing his eyes as he felt her heart race deep inside him.

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See you over at the next chapter xxx


	79. Chapter 79

A/N: Back to the present now and the point at which I last updated. The next chapter is entirely new. Once again, I'm sorry for the mistake.

Disclaimer: I don't don't own them so don't sue.

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He thinks of the ways he has loved in the past; he thinks of bittersweet reluctance and guilt. It has been so long that Remus can hardly remember what it feels like; to be close, to be desired, to be loved. He finds it best not to think; to think is to feel and yet, warmed by the meal he has just consumed, he realises what it is to miss it; to be fallible; to be human.

Human; Remus hesitates as he says this word to himself and laughs lightly under his breath. Tonks looks up, distracted; drawn out of her own meditations by the noise. Remus thinks how strange this word has always seemed to him and how important it always was to others; to be human. Is he human he often thinks to himself; waiting with trepidation the coming of the next full moon? The thirst for blood, the desire to kill that drives him through that night; how can he call himself human then? And yet he is flawed like a human is; he feels like a man and yet sometimes, when the world is a dark and desolate place in the morning after, he couldn't feel more inhuman.

"I should be going really," Tonks says slowly, the word "should" seems to linger between them. Remus looks to her and sees something uncertain in her warm eyes before she looks away and finishes, "I could only really spare an hour…"

He wonders if he wants her to stay; wonders if it is selfish of him to ask. Remus knows he won't ask; knows that it wouldn't be right, so he remains motionless as she moves to stand, pushing the chair back out behind her. After a moment of motionlessness, Remus remembers his manners and stands too.

"We're all worried about you, you know?" Tonks asks, turning back as she moves to the doorway to leave, her face suddenly flushed. Remus cannot think of what to say as he moves the empty bowls to the sink with a wave of his hand, before placing them in his pockets. "Harry has you…" Tonks continues, a little less forceful than before, perhaps knowing what the mention of Harry's name will do. Remus feels his stomach tighten, perhaps in preparation to reject the food, and his eyes seem unable to fix on anything but her as she continues, "But who have you got?"

This question hits him harder than anything he could have prepared himself for and, for a moment, he has to fight the urge to shout; to tell her to get out of the house. Yet Tonks lingers in the doorway, looking more miserable than Remus can manage; her eyebrows arched in implication. Remus sniffs with laughter before shuffling on his feet and saying, "I have Harry."

It is clear that this answer does not satisfy her and for a moment Remus thinks that she is about to say something that she has been skirting around for months. Yet it seems that Tonks' courage fails her and, after shrugging as though she doesn't care, she says lightly, "I'll come back tomorrow if you like. Arthur Weasley wanted a word with you about something. Can't remember what…"

"Right," Remus manages in a businesslike manner, following her slowly through the dimly lit hallway. The curtain across the portrait stirs as they walk past and for a moment Remus thinks that the shrieks will begin. Yet it seems that both he and Tonks have got nothing left to say, so that there is nothing but silence as Tonks hesitates before the front door of Grimmauld Place.

"It will get better," Tonks says, her eyes betraying affection that Remus is unsure whether he is comfortable with.

"I know," Remus says, his voice a whisper as Tonks opens the door. She pauses and glances out, wand in hand, before moving away with an unconvincing smile. For a moment Remus watches the way she stomps confidently through the puddles of orange light that shimmer across the pavement before withdrawing once more into the darkness of the house, closing the door behind him.

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Reviews and opinions welcomed and encouraged. Thank you for your patience xxx


	80. Chapter 80

A/N: Okay, now I have sorted out what went wrong, let's continue with the rapid uploads shall we? As I won't be able to upload anymore until Tuesday I'm giving you a treat by having loads to be reading over the weekend.

Your reviews and words of encouragement have truly helped and inspired me, and given me confidence in my abilities as a writer. Thank you so much and I just hope that after all the time you have invested in reading this, I won't disappoint you!

Back to the past now and talk of the impending Quidditch match.

Thank you to Meg and Rosie.

Disclaimer: The genius of Harry Potter is J.K.Rowling's, not mine.

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A large group of people had gathered around the notice board in the Gryffindor common room and as Remus had tried to make his way through, he saw that at the back of the group stood Peter, on tip-toe, vainly trying to see over the tops of the other pupil's heads.

"What's all this about?" Remus asked as he approached, causing Peter to jump slightly and turn his flushed face to him.

"Not sure," Peter squeaked. "McGonagall came in here a moment ago and pinned something up. I haven't had a chance to read it yet."

Remus heard two boys move away, talking so fast with excitement that he couldn't hear what was being said. Peter feebly attempted to push his way to the front but Remus, sensing that the throng of people would soon start to disintegrate, hung back. Finally, Peter had managed to clear a path through the people and Remus had followed, craning his neck to read the notice over the top of Peter's head:

_Due to the fact that Slytherin and Gryffindor currently stand tied in their position to face Ravenclaw in the final Quidditch match at the end of the year - each house having lost one game - a re-match between the two teams has been scheduled for Saturday 18__th__ May. Each team has been warned that if there be any repeat of the behaviour shown at the last match played, both Slytherin and Gryffindor shall automatically be excluded from the final, and Hufflepuff shall play Ravenclaw at the end of term. _

As Remus finished reading he felt Peter turn to face him, looking a little pale as he said, "A re-match can't be good…they nearly killed each other before…" Peter didn't have to say any names for Remus to know who he was talking about. Both Gryffindor and Slytherin had yet to forget the match; the corridors and classrooms had been tense with it ever since. Even the teachers seemed to be interested in the effects of Gryffindor's defeat. Slughorn had subdued his gloating as much as possible due to the violent victory his house had gained. McGonagall, asides from feeling the sting of defeat, had not let any of the team forget how unacceptable their part in what had happened at the match had been. Lunchtimes had been terrible, although they were gradually getting better of late; the Slytherins still sneered every time James passed, doing their best impressions of the way he had got hit by the Bludger and fallen from his broom. The Gryffindors had retaliated by grumbling "cheat" every time the Slytherin Beater, Silas Smithson, went by. Remus could hardly imagine what another match between Slytherin and Gryffindor could mean; wondering whether it would be expecting too much for Sirius to curb his temper when playing against Regulus again.

"You know then?" a familiar voice from the other side of the room called and Peter and Remus turned in time to see James and Sirius clambering through the portrait hole. It had been James who had spoken and Peter responded with a nervous nod. "We've just had it from McGonagall for about the fiftieth bloody time. I don't think she understands that it wasn't us, it was them."

The common room was clearing and the group of friends made their way over to their favourite chairs.

"Besides," James said more confidently, throwing himself down onto a sofa with an exasperated sigh. He swept his eyes from one friend to another before continuing, "There's no way we're going to lose this time."

"That'll put Moony in a bit of a predicament then, won't it?" Sirius said directly to James, avoiding Remus' eye. "If it turns out to be a Ravenclaw-Gryffindor final, who will he support?"

Determined not to appear affected by Sirius' comment Remus kept his eyes firmly on his friend's face. He had not spoken to any of the Marauders about what had happened between himself and Eleanor; yet he had been surprised by his desire to want to. Peter had been increasingly absent, no doubt still clinging to his misplaced offence of being left out from the visit to Diagon Alley. James had still revealed next to nothing about what had happened between himself and Lily, which hardly implied that he would be happy if Remus confided in him. And then there was Sirius…

Sirius had apparently forgiven Remus for the joke he had made on the stairs, although something still wasn't right. Remus had no way of knowing if Sirius knew that he had seen him and Amelia in the broom cupboard on the third floor. He had not breathed a word of it to anyone, although he was uncertain why he felt so reluctant to tell; the only way Sirius would have known would have been if he had guessed. _That's unlikely_ Remus thought to himself as he watched the way Sirius began to take off his school tie, irritably yanking at the knot.

Yet there was also something in Sirius' behaviour that made Remus certain that he knew something of what happened between him and Eleanor. No-one had interrupted them this time; they had been left completely and entirely alone. She had crept from the dormitory, completely unseen, leaving Remus to slip back to sleep. When his friends had returned they had asked where Eleanor had gone, so used they were to seeing her keeping vigil at the side of Remus' bed. He had responded swiftly and he couldn't recall blushing. But there was something about the way Sirius was with him now that made him paranoid. _It's all in your head_ Remus told himself, watching the way Sirius balled up his tie and lobbed it at James; _there is no way he could know. _

"Your reflexes are going to have to get better than that if you're going to beat Bennet," Sirius said as he watched his tie ricochet off of James' head and fly across the room. Remus was almost certain that Sirius' eyes darted in his direction as he had said the name, yet before he could linger on this James had wrinkled his nose in disgust and shot back, "It's not my skills we're going to have to worry about, more your ability to keep your temper under control."

Sirius' face darkened slightly yet it soon gave way to sharp bark of laughter before he lifted his eyebrows suggestively in the direction of the red-haired girl that was approaching. James looked round and turned pink as Lily moved to join them, a number of textbooks pressed flat against her chest.

"Alright Evans?" Sirius asked coolly to be met with a forced smile. Remus watched as Sirius laughed to himself under his breath and James, who seemed to be sinking further and further back into his chair, seemed to be silently imploring Sirius not to say anything more.

"I wanted to let you all know that…" Lily hesitated, glancing around the common room to see who else was there. Asides from a very sleepy looking seventh year slumped over a desk on the opposite side of the room, the Marauders and Lily were completely alone. Lily turned back to face them and, pushing her hair behind her ears she said in a near-whisper, "…I've started making the you-know-what…"

Peter furrowed his forehead, confused. It slowly dawned on Remus that she must be talking about the Polyjuice Potion and he automatically turned his attention to James. James, who was still trying his best to avoid Sirius' eyes, was carefully looking at Lily as though he were restraining himself, before asking, "How long do you think it will take?"

Lily shrugged, her bag slipping from her shoulder as she did so, before she replied, "Less than a month probably…" James nodded at this and Lily, who suddenly seemed like she had somewhere she needed to be, pushed the strap of her bag up her shoulder and said, "I'll see you later then" before walking off.

Remus watched the way that James watched her leave; his eyes following her right up until the portrait hole and even beyond. Peter's eyes were moving between his friends in an attempt to discern what Lily had been talking about. Sirius was still laughing very quietly to himself and it was with trepidation that Remus watched him move to speak. Yet before he had a chance to say anything James interrupted, his eyes not moving from the portrait hole as he said, "I swear if you say one more thing Padfoot, I'll hex you so we won't have to worry about whether or not you can control yourself in the match."

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Review and let me know what you think! It makes me insanely happy when you do! xxx


	81. Chapter 81

A/N: Yet another chapter for you to read and let me know what you think. The drought and dry weather at Hogwarts continues as Lily has doubts about Sirius' plan.

Disclaimer: I don't own it so no need to sue.

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The week had crawled by. The stale weather, which still showed no signs of breaking, caused everything to slow; even the ghosts seemed to be finding the dryness unbearable. Remus had walked down into the common room one morning to find Nearly Headless Nick floating with his head stuck through the glass of the window in an attempt to cool down. Even the lessons seemed to be winding down in the inevitable way they always did in the time before exams would start. Most of the more organised teachers had nearly completed their courses and soon revision for the summer exams would begin. Remus didn't mention to his friends that he had actually started revising in the Easter holidays; or that he was planning to spend most of the afternoon doing more revision in the library. However, this was not just because he wished to avoid being mocked and, as Remus narrowly missed being hit in the back of the head by a large, leather bound book that had suddenly decided it wasn't happy with where it had been placed on the shelves, he saw that Eleanor had already got her books spread on the desk in front of her and was totally absorbed in work.

It seemed like it had been forever since he had seen her and now as he watched the way she diligently scratched the quill across the parchment, he realised just how much he missed her when she wasn't there. Besides, Remus thought as he moved to take the seat beside her, still unseen by Eleanor, things had become a lot more serious between them of late…especially after what had happened after his last transformation…

Eleanor started as Remus pulled out the chair and, looking up and seeing that it was him, she could barely contain her smile as she pushed her books aside to make room for his. The library was hardly the most intimate of places to meet, yet Remus had been sure that it would be the last place that any of the Marauders would come on a Saturday afternoon.

"I don't know how I'm ever going to get my head round all of this," Eleanor said in a disgruntled whisper, her eyes passing over the many books on the desk in front of her. Remus, after placing his work in front of him, reached out to read one of the titles of the text books; clearly Eleanor was revising for Defence Against the Dark Arts. "I've just never been good at the subject."

"I'll help you if you like," Remus said, unfurling a long length of parchment and scratching the end of his nose with his quill. Defence Against the Dark Arts was the one subject where he had always shown great promise. Eleanor nodded, yet laughed and Remus, seeing the way her eyes were attracted to his nose, blushed as he licked his fingers and wiped away the ink he knew that must be there. From between the bookcases there came a sharp hissing noise, which Remus assumed came from the librarian, which caused Eleanor and Remus to work in silence for a while.

"So James and Lily…?" Eleanor trailed off leaving the question hanging.

Remus laughed lowly before saying, "I don't have a clue. I assumed…well I don't know…they seem to be a lot more civil to each other. I suppose that's a start."

"One would expect so after they kissed," Eleanor said, a mock solemnity masking her face. Remus shrugged, "It seems like no-one is telling each other anything at the moment…" Immediately Remus regretted what he had just said and looking to Eleanor, concerned, he hastily added, "Not that I've said anything you know…about anything…"

"I know," Eleanor said, the faintest of blushes clinging to her cheeks as she stared intently down at the parchment in front of her. Remus noticed that her lips barely moved as she said down at the desk, "Neither have I."

Something inside Remus felt relieved. He had never taken Eleanor for the sort of girl that told anyone that would listen anything, yet there was something about what had happened that had left Remus feeling extremely vulnerable. What if it had all gone horribly wrong? What if he had misread the situation? What if she regretted it; or thought that he did? What if he had not been as good as he hoped he had been?

Perhaps sensing the questions that were parading through his mind he felt Eleanor stroke the back of his hand briefly with the tip of one finger.

"Are you worrying?" Eleanor asked, her blue eyes dancing. Her gaze wavered and as she looked away coyly Remus could feel the new feelings of desire returning. "Even now…?"

Remus couldn't help but laugh at this; a laughter that was entirely too loud for the library. From the same place that the noise had come from before, the hissing rang out sharply, causing Remus to stare determinedly down at the desk in attempt to stop the humour that threatened to make him laugh again. Very slowly he felt that the hilarity was passing and, as he shook his head in disbelief at his own doubt, he saw that Eleanor had written something on the corner of his parchment. Shifting his elbow so he could better see, Remus pulled the parchment towards him and read "I don't regret it, you know. I don't want you thinking I do."

Remus' chest swelled as he tried to repress his happiness and relief. Finally, after allowing enough time to pass for the disgruntled librarian to return to her work, Remus lowered his mouth to Eleanor's ear and whispered, his lips lightly brushing her lobe as he did so, "Good, because neither do I."

He felt the heat from Eleanor's cheeks as she flushed, turning her face slightly towards his in order to allow him to kiss her. Yet before he could Remus heard the noise of someone clearing their throat from somewhere behind them. Immediately they sprung apart and as Remus turned he was only slightly relieved to see that it was Lily, her head tilted to one side, a strange smile playing about her lips.

"I think they've been looking for you," Lily said, the smile still clearly visible. Feeling awkward all of a sudden, Remus turned away and, shuffling his papers together he asked rhetorically, "Have they?"

"I was wondering if I…" Lily paused, immediately regaining Remus' attention. She looked down, shuffling her feet nervously before continuing, "I was wondering if I could have a chat." Her green eyes moved from Remus to Eleanor, almost asking the question before she had. "If you're not too busy, that is?"

"No, go on," Eleanor said, pulling one of Remus' Defence Against the Dark Arts essays towards her. "I'll wait for you here." Remus nodded and, pulling his chair back to stand up, he still found himself a little transfixed by Eleanor as he walked away. Lily, it seemed, had noticed these looks too for as they walked through the dry, dusty library, she suddenly teased, stressing each word delicately, "Are you sure I wasn't interrupting?"

"No," Remus answered back, a little moodily.

The pupils of Hogwarts had long given up going outside in an attempt to cool down. As Remus and Lily walked beside one another through the corridors, heading no-where in particular, they were both surprised by the number of students that were aimlessly milling around. No-doubt a lot of them were attempting to avoid the revision that they knew they had to do; many faces were vacant and, as a group of Ravenclaw girls passed them, Remus caught them mumbling Arithmancy figures at each other under their breath.

"Are you sure Eleanor will be okay?" Lily asked, sounding a little concerned. Remus, confused by her question, turned to her and shrugged as he asked, "Why wouldn't she be?"

Lily said nothing as she slumped down to sit on the plinth beneath a suit of armour that was shrouded in shade. Remus followed suit and was pleasantly surprised at how cool it was.

"I suppose some girls wouldn't be comfortable with their boyfriend going off with other girls…" Lily trailed off and, catching the way that Remus was clearly still confused, shrugged the statement off before resting back against the armour.

For a moment neither of them spoke; each of them watching the other students as they passed. Remus knew from his conversations with Lily in the past that she was the kind of person that would begin to speak when she was ready, so Remus waited patiently for her to begin. Finally, after a moment more of silence, Lily sighed softly to herself before turning to Remus and asking, "You know I've started making the Polyjuice Potion?" Remus nodded, suspecting that Lily wouldn't appreciate being interrupted. She looked grateful for this and after flashing a thankful smile, she continued swiftly, "I don't think it's a good idea if we use it."

Inside, Remus couldn't help but feel more than a little relieved. He had been uncertain, to say the least, of Sirius' intentions for the Polyjuice Potion. Ever since Sirius had suggested it, Remus had not been too happy about what his friend might be planning. Although Sirius had confided in Remus and James in an attempt for them to persuade Lily to help, he had yet to go on to say just what he was intending to do. Remus couldn't help but feel that, especially after what had happened in Knockturn Alley, that it would not be a good idea to go getting into anymore trouble. Dumbledore had told Remus that he expected to be told if anything untoward was happening at Hogwarts, and Snape teaching himself Legilimency definitely qualified. However, despite Remus' doubts he would not betray his friend's confidence, even if it could ultimately lead to unknown danger. And judging by the look on Lily's face, she had no intention of telling anyone else either.  
"I'm not saying that I don't want to know what Sever…" Lily hesitated, flushing deeply before clearing her throat awkwardly and continuing, "…what Snape has definitely been up to but…" She paused again, her green eyes fixing on Remus' face, something dark flitting across them as she said carefully, "I don't think it's a particularly good idea for Sirius to be the one to find out."

"I think you're right," Remus nodded his head slowly. "The only problem is that he already thinks that we've all agreed. If we go back on this now…" Remus trailed off, smiling to himself before continuing, "You know what he's like. He'll think that we're turning against him."

Lily sighed, exasperated, stretching out her legs in front of her and shaking her head in disbelief. "Honestly, anyone would think he'd been sorted into Slytheirn the way he carries on sometimes. I'm sorry Remus, I know he's your friend, but why do you care so much about what he'll do?" Remus felt himself flinching away from her, resting back further against the suit of armour; away from her increasingly venomous words. "After all the things he's said and done - to all of you - and yet you still go out of your way to protect him. Why?"

Remus didn't have the courage to tell Lily that he had often asked himself this very question, and had yet to reach a satisfactory conclusion. He had always made exceptions for his friends, especially Sirius, who had always got away with murder. Since all that had happened this year with his family, Remus had tried to be more understanding, yet recently it seemed that all of the Marauders had begun to tire of Sirius' foul moods and cruel words. His behaviour towards Lily in particular had been verging on unforgivable, yet still Remus would try to reconcile this with what he knew Sirius had been through, and all that possibly awaited him in the future.

It was harder to think like this, however, when facing the questions of another, and as Lily waited for Remus to reply, he suddenly felt that whatever he said in response would fail to make her understand.

"You have to understand with Sirius; he's…" Remus paused, feeling slightly embarrassed as he stared fixedly down at the plinth. "There are reasons he is the way that he is. And I'm not saying that what he says is right. I don't agree with the way he treats others, but you have to understand that…" _I don't mean it you know. I just lose my temper and don't think. I never mean it._ Remus recalled the words Sirius had said to him once and finds himself repeating them to Lily. "…he doesn't mean it. He just loses his temper. He never means it."

Lily scoffed, unconvinced, pulling her knees towards her chest with the words, "One day he'll say or do something…he'll take it too far….and your faith in him will be tested; and then we'll see if you can be so empathetic." Remus, shocked by Lily's pessimism, watched her carefully as she seemed to be formulating some way to take back what she had just said. There was no need, however, for Remus took the initiative to steer the conversation away by saying, "What do you want to do then? About the Polyjuice Potion?"

"Get rid of it. Make some excuse about not wanting to do it. We can find out what Snape's been up to some other way."

Remus nodded in agreement. "We'll tell him it was my idea. If he thinks it was you he'll…well…" Remus left this statement open ended and Lily flashed him a smile before saying, "You know you can't please everyone Remus."

Remus shrugged lightly. "I can try."

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The Lily/Snape dynamic has always fascinated me (I am one who has convinced myself of the Snape-loved-Lily theory.) Let me know what you think xxx


	82. Chapter 82

A/N: Here be Quidditch. Although I'm not the biggest fan of it, it is essential to the story. How will Gryffindor fare in the re-match? Can Sirius manage to keep his temper?

Disclaimer: I don't own it so don't sue.

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There had been no opportunity for Sirius' plans for the Polyjuice Potion to be discussed over the following week. Both James and Sirius had been so busy with Quidditch practice that Remus had hardly seen them outside of lessons and, before he knew it, the day of the re-match between Gryffindor and Slytherin had dawned. Remus had awoken early to the sound of James mumbling tactics under his breath as he dressed for an early breakfast and, as soon as Remus had had the presence of mind to realise what day it was, he had got up to join his friends. 

It seemed that the entire school had been unable to sleep till late; the tension of the impending match had been too much, even for Hufflepuff who had been knocked out of the Cup in the early stages. Ravenclaw would be taking a keen interest, for it would be the winner of today's match that would face them in the final, and Remus noticed as he ladled thick porridge into his bowl, that the Ravenclaws were noticeably pale and tense. However, it was the Gryffindor and Slytherin tables that were the most restless; every student in those houses seemed to have made every effort to sit as close to their Quidditch teams as possible; huddled protectively around the players. At the Gryffindor table Remus was sat beside James, who was still reciting manoeuvres under his breath. Opposite, Peter blinked bleary-eyed down into his cup of pumpkin juice as Sirius reached for his fourth helping of bacon.

"Remember, the Slytherins will stop at nothing to get into the final, so watch your step on the way to the pitch," a pretty, round-faced girl called Alice King, the Gryffindor Keeper and captain, said to the players. "No-doubt they'll try something to stop some of us even kicking off."

"Just let them try," Francis Fothringay said, stabbing violently at a sausage that was sliding round his plate. He had taken a rather nasty blow by one of the Slytherin Beaters, Silas Smithson, in the previous match.

"Remember what Dumbledore's said," cautioned Althrop, looking from the face of his fellow Chaser, Edward Frost, to Sirius. "If there's even as much of a whiff of foul play, we'll be out of the final quicker than you can say Quidditch!"

As he had said this everyone who was seated in earshot inevitably turned their attention to Sirius. Sirius' brow furrowed under their scrutiny and he said in a low voice, "I'll behave myself if they do."

Remus turned to glance at the Slytherin table. It seemed that Bartholomew Bachman, their Captain, had them engrossed, and Remus was fairly certain that he was not instilling in his team-mates the importance of fair play. As if sensing that the Gryffindors had turned their eyes to them, Regulus and Smithson looked up and smirked briefly before concentrating once more on what their captain was saying. Beside him, Remus felt James tense as Alice began to directly speak to him, "James, we're relying on you to catch the Snitch quickly. If the game goes on for too long I don't like to think of what could happen. I know I won't be held accountable for my actions if they play the way they played before." James gave a small nod as Richard Barker, the other Gryffindor Beater, said to him, "Don't you worry about the Beaters, we'll handle them. And the Chasers aren't going to be that much of a problem if the game is over quickly." He hesitated, staring pointedly in Sirius' direction. Sirius rolled his eyes. "But it's Bennet you've got to worry about. She's a talented flyer…" Sirius gave a derisive snort of laughter, and Remus couldn't help but feel he was indulging in a private joke that he alone could understand.

"But James is better!" Peter piped up, a little affronted on James' behalf. Yet James was undaunted by his team's words of advice and, as he drained the remainder of his pumpkin juice, he said, "Don't worry. We're going to win."

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Remus and Peter had parted from James and Sirius outside the changing rooms and had joined Lily at the bottom of the steps that led up to the stands. There had been so many people crowded outside of the changing rooms that they had barely made their words of encouragement heard as their friends had been ushered inside by Alice. As they slowly began to climb the steps, Remus could hear the noise from inside the pitch; the noise of hundreds. Indeed, as Remus finally found himself shuffling towards spare seats, he found the scene that confronted him a little hard to believe. Although Quidditch was popular at Hogwarts, Remus could safely say that he had never seen the stands as full as they were today. Every student and teacher had turned up to watch; concerned about the outcome of today's match and no doubt curious to see what would happen after last time. 

The three friends had managed to just about squeeze themselves into a space free on one of the front rows, yet it was a tight fit. Although the stands in which they were seated were designated for the Gryffindor spectators, Remus was surprised to see many a student from Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff either side of him. Eyes moving to the opposite side of the pitch, Remus also noticed how empty the Slytherin side was compared to theirs. Normal house loyalties had been forsaken as Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff found themselves united in their mutual dislike for Slytherin. It seemed that many students would rather see Gryffindor in the final when faced with the alternative.

"I can't believe how many people are here!" Lily said, her voice a little strained as she struggled to pull her robes from beneath the girl who had just sat down beside her. Peter nodded excitedly yet before Remus could answer the familiar voice of Crispin Thompson, the third-year Hufflepuff commentator, rung out over the pitch. "It seems that today's re-match between Gryffindor and Slytherin has sparked quite a bit of interest and, after the last game, it is hardly surprising. Both teams have been warned that if they show any repeat of the play that we witnessed last time, they will face immediate disqualification. With a place in the final at stake, will either team risk that for the sake of foul play?"

At this the stands erupted into half-formed sentences; each side seamed to sling an incoherent insult at the other. Remus felt his stomach turn as he watched the players that had been waiting anxiously kick off from the ground; hovering, waiting for the balls to be released. All at once a universal silence fell over the stadium; every pair of eyes fixed on the players in red and in green. Remus started as the whistle blew and the balls flew up in the air, instinctively jumping to his feet with the rest of the spectators as Crispin Thompson shouted, "And they're off! Slytherin take possession immediately. Lockholm passes to Lawerence who narrowly misses dropping the Quaffle. Althrop and Frost are following close behind, no doubt waiting for a missed opportunity, whilst Sirius Black of Gryffindor is left to mark Regulus." Remus watched Sirius carefully, not daring to hope that he would manage to keep his temper whilst flying so close to his brother.

"Smithson narrowly misses a Bludger from Barker." Remus turned to see Silas Smithson looking indignant as Francis Fothringay managed to bat the Bludger back in the direction of Regulus, who had gained possession of the Quaffle. Regulus tried to swerve yet miscalculated, and as he pulled his broom up sharply to avoid a collision with Lockholm, he dropped the Quaffle into Sirius' hands.

"Remarkable catch by Sirius Black! Black's wasting no time in heading towards the goal line. Smithson hits the Bludger in Black's direction, but it's intercepted by Fothringay. Black passes to Frost. Can Gryffindor score the first ten points of the match?" Remus watched as Frost pulled up his broom, his eyes moving from the goalposts to Patrick Murphy, the Slytherin Keeper. He threw the Quaffle, the Gryffindors held their breath, and then erupted into cheers as the Quaffle went in. "Edward Frost scores! Ten points to Gryffindor!"

Lily grabbed Remus on the shoulder hard and Peter looked red and beside himself with excitement. Yet the jubilation of the Gryffindors was short lived as Crispin Thompson announced, "Slytherin regain possession as Althrop takes a blow by a Bludger. Doesn't look like he's too badly injured, but Bachman will have to watch his bat if he doesn't want his team to forfeit the game." Peter was bobbing up and down so furiously that he nearly sent Remus toppling over the row in front, as he struggled to keep his eyes fixed on the players swooping through the air. "Lawrence passes to Regulus Black as Frost fails to intercept, leaving Sirius to keep on his tail." Sirius' eyes were fixed on the back of his brother's head as Regulus flew towards the goal line, flying so close to Amelia Bennet that, for a moment, she tottered precariously on her broom.

"Come on Sirius, catch up!" Remus found himself muttering under his breath; divided between willing his friend to intercept the Quaffle and wanting him to keep his distance just in case Regulus managed to bait him into doing something stupid. Sirius, however, seemed to by flying just out of reach of his brother and something told Remus that he was not doing this because he couldn't catch up. Barker tried desperately to bat the Bludger in Regulus' direction yet Smithson was too fast and had deflected it back, allowing Regulus enough time to reach the goal line and score.

"Regulus Black scores. Ten points to Slytherin," Crispin Thompson announced as unenthusiastically as possible when he was trying to remain outwardly unbiased.

Play continued and the score stood at seventy-fifty to Slytherin before James showed any signs of spotting the Snitch. To Remus' surprise both teams had appeared extremely restrained in their play until now; Sirius, although closely following Regulus, had yet to lose his temper. Even Silas Smithson, despite lobbing his bat into the stands a few times in fury, and having to fly to retrieve it, had remained remarkably calm. But as soon as James had darted off in the direction of the Snitch, small and fluttering someway below the Slytherin goal line, it seemed that what ever restraint the teams had been applying seemed to disintegrate.

"Potter has seen the Snitch and is being closely followed by Bennet. Look's like the Slytherin Beaters aren't going to make it easy for him!" As Crispin Thompson said this, Remus watched as both Smithson and Bachman began to fly towards James; Smithson drawing back his bat to hit the Bludger towards him with an almighty thwack! The Gryffindor Beaters were true to their word, however, and Fothringay had positioned himself between the Bludger and its intended target and sent it soaring back. James, it seemed, had taken this opportunity to fly as fast as he could, weaving in and out of Slytherin and Gryffindor players alike, towards the Snitch.

All around was noise as everyone had their eyes fixed, just as James' were, on the flickering ball of gold. Lily was yelling James' name, just as everyone else was, and as Remus watched he saw that every other player in the air had forgotten what they were doing and were watching James and Amelia racing towards the Snitch. James had one arm outstretched, his fingers clawing, the Snitch barely beyond his reach. Amelia was so close behind him that, without realising, the front of her broom knocked into the tail of James', sending him teetering forwards and off of his broom.

The Slytherins cheered and everyone in the Gryffindor stand inhaled as one before shouting down at James, who had managed to fall on his feet to the ground below. To the Slytherins surprise, Amelia had stopped flying in the direction of the Snitch and Remus hardly had time to process what was going on as James held his hand aloft, revealing the Snitch fluttering helplessly in his grasp.

"James Potter has caught the Snitch! Gryffindor win!" Yet Crispin Thompson's voice was lost amidst the victorious roars from the Gryffindors, who were already making their way down the steps of the stands and out onto the pitch. The Gryffindor team had landed and Alice had pulled James towards her for a massive hug. Anthony Althrop and Edward Frost were shaking hands as above them the Slytherin team flew away; Bartholomew Bachman, the Slytherin captain, looking extremely sour. Sirius had landed and Peter had met him, almost flinging himself at him. Sirius laughed as he swung him around, only to be tapped on the shoulder and congratulated by McGonagall, who had proud tears in her eyes.

James was still holding the Snitch as Alice finally let him go, leaving him free to amble cautiously over to Lily, who was running towards him. He looked shocked as Lily threw her arms around his shoulders, kissing his cheek hard. Remus laughed as he watched James stagger backwards, trying desperately to push his glasses up his nose with his free hand, yet was drawn away from his observation by Sirius, who was standing beside him, laughing too. Remus turned, fully intending to shake Sirius' hand, and was just as taken a back as James as Sirius threw his arms around him and squeezed him hard. Remus gave into the moment and laughed and as Sirius drew away, Peter joined them and placed his arm around Sirius' shoulder as they moved to where Lily and James had just parted.

"I can't believe it! I can't believe it!" Peter spluttered, his eyes moving between the smiling faces of his friends. "We're in the final!"

"Yeah, nice catch Potter!" Sirius said with an affectionate dig of the elbow. James responded by embracing Sirius and as they drew apart, Sirius was still laughing as he said, "I'm sorry to disappoint those of you who thought I wouldn't be able to keep my temper."

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Huzzah! Nice bit of Marauder action at the end there. Well it can't all be doom and gloom, can it? xxx 


	83. Chapter 83

A/N: Oh, I REALLY like this chapter for lots of reasons and so I hope you do too. The Gryffindor's celebrate their victory in the common room.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter so there is no need to sue.

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It was not only the Gryffindor Quidditch team that celebrated in the common room that evening. It seemed that even the first-years had suppressed their sleepiness to join in the festivities that had already caused McGonagall to warn them twice to keep the noise down. These warnings had fallen on deaf ears, however, and even though McGonagall had tried her very best to sound stern, the twinkle in her eye betrayed the fact that she was just as happy as everyone else that Gryffindor had got through to the final.

Remus slumped back on the sofa beneath the window; he was tired of watching the two cushions that Francis Fothringay and Richard Barker had charmed to bounce happily around the room, race. He watched as Nearly Headless Nick laughed; throwing back his head so hard that he revealed the bloody mess that was left when his throat had been partially severed. Two second-year girls squealed at this and as Remus turned, laughing under his breath, he saw that Alice King was walking to where he was sitting, one arm round James' shoulder.

"Seriously Potter, that was a fantastic catch today." Alice pressed one finger to James' chest, her eyes seemed a little unfocused as she gazed up into his flushed face. James was guiding her towards the chair beside Remus with an apologetic glance in his direction. As Alice slumped back, her head lolling, Remus noticed a half-empty bottle of Firewhiskey slipping from her grasp, and he suddenly understood why her words sounded a little slurred as she continued, "They'll be talking about that long after you've left. And who knows!" Alice exclaimed loudly, as James sat down beside Remus, so that everyone in earshot turned to look in their direction. "Maybe they'll still be talking about it by the time your children come to Hogwarts. Imagine that…" Her eyelids flickered as she drifted off to thought as James looked increasingly embarrassed, "Your son walking out of Potions and someone asking him all about your performance against Slytherin in the re-match semi-finals…"

Remus raised an eyebrow in James' direction and James, who had managed to somehow take away Alice's bottle of Firewhiskey without her noticing, mumbled, "When my son comes to Hogwarts I want him to be known in his own right rather than for the way I caught a Snitch once."

"What's all this?" a voice asked and Remus looked up to see Lily squeezing herself onto the sofa beside James. From somewhere behind them a series of loud cheers erupted and Remus turned just in time to see Francis Fothringay holding his cushion triumphantly aloft, and a number of Gryffindors grumbling and handing over everything from Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans to a few very rare Wizarding Cards.

James looked from the half-empty bottle of Firewhiskey in his hand to Lily's face, before gawping and saying, "It's not mine."

"Thanks for holding my drink," Sirius said, appearing suddenly from a group of girls that had been flocked around him, taking the bottle and having a swift swig. For a moment Lily looked like she might say something but, as if thinking better of it, she remained silent. James looked thankfully to Sirius who simply laughed; his face was flushed and his grey eyes danced as they surveyed the scene before him. It was clear, to Remus at least, that Sirius had already had a lot to drink.

"You know," Sirius began, leaning forward to ruffle James' hair affectionately. "With moves like that you could seriously consider turning professional after you've left here. I'm sure there are a few teams that would be dying to have a talented git like you."

Remus had to agree. James' skills on the Quidditch pitch went way beyond the levels expected at school. No-doubt he would find it easy to find a place on a team. Yet something about the way James had been lately told Remus that as much as he enjoyed playing Quidditch, that it would not be something he would seriously contemplate as a career after he left Hogwarts. And it seemed that Remus was right as James shrugged before saying, "I was thinking of maybe taking Defence Against the Dark Arts more seriously. Become an Auror perhaps…"

Sirius scoffed loudly. "But you _hate_ the Dark Arts."

"Hence the Defence part," James said a little snappishly before continuing in more restrained tones than before, "I don't know. Just…everything that's been happening recently has got me thinking…" James trailed off and looked to the chair where Alice had been sitting and was relieved to see that she had wandered off in search of her missing bottle. "Surely it's more important to take this threat seriously than to continue pretending that it doesn't exist. _We _all know it exists now anyway, so I know that I for one won't be happy unless I know I'm doing all I can to fight it."

Remus nodded and although Sirius was motionless, his mind perhaps taking longer to process what James had said in his drunken state, Remus knew that he agreed too. A curious smile was playing about Lily's lips and she was looking at James with something like pride, which went unseen by all but Remus.

"The Order will need all the help it can get," Remus said quietly so that no-one else could hear what they were saying. He looked at Sirius who had paled a little, although his eyes remained stern. "I'm with James. I want to do whatever it takes."

"So do I," Lily agreed, looking from Remus to James. Sirius was silent, his mind silently working as he took another sip of the searing liquid. Of course, Remus knew from his conversations with Sirius from the past that he was perhaps the most determined when it came to the fight against Voldemort. He, being from the family he was from, felt the pain of what was happening more personally than most. Yet as Remus watched his friend take another, sharp chug his grey eyes becoming momentarily glazed before focusing once more, he realised that he had never seen Sirius looking more uncertain or unsure.

"To the future," he eventually said darkly, smiling slightly as he handed the bottle to Remus. Remus took it, his eyes meeting Sirius'; reminded of the time at New Year when his friend had last offered him a drink. Something had changed between them since then; something had changed about them all; something that made Remus feel completely unconcerned about meeting Sirius' toast and gulping the remnants of the liquid down.

After McGonagall had appeared for the fifth time and warned all the Gryffindors, in no uncertain terms, that unless they went to bed straight away they would find their position in the Quidditch final jeopardised, the common room had swiftly emptied. Now, as Remus sat before the fire, feeling a lot hotter than he supposed he would if he wasn't feeling the lingering affects of the Firewhiskey, only he and Sirius remained. James, remarkably, had been one of the first to depart; tiring of the incessant requests to go through his winning manoeuvre again. Lily had soon followed. It was two in the morning and although Remus knew that he had revision that should be done in the morning, tomorrow was a Sunday and therefore there was no great rush to go to bed.

"It really was a great game today, wasn't it?" Sirius' lips barely moved as he spoke and Remus looked over to where Sirius was sat in the armchair opposite, eyes closed.

"Yeah, it was," Remus replied with a smile, remembering the joy he had felt when he had realised that Gryffindor had won. Sirius exhaled deeply before grinning, barring his teeth before he said, "Why do we _never_ talk about our love lives, Moony?"

Remus, hoping more than thinking he had misheard, said nothing, watching as Sirius turned his attention from the ceiling to his friend.

"It's goes without saying that we should. We're friends. We're boys of a certain age and of a certain romantic capability." The alcohol in Remus' system made it impossible for him not to smile at this. "This should be the one thing we should all be boasting about and yet we never do."

"You make it impossible for James," came Remus' reply and Sirius sighed, dramatically hitting his forehead with his fist before saying, exasperated, "He brings it on himself. His love life begins and ends with Lily Evans, and god knows we've all had enough of that."

"But if you didn't take the piss so much…" Remus trailed off, watching the expression on Sirius' face change from affronted to amused as he nodded before saying, "Maybe you're right."

"Of course I'm right," Remus teased despite himself and Sirius seized on this; tilting his head to one side, mischief etched into his face as he asked slowly, "And what about you, Mister Moony?"

"Me?" Remus ventured rhetorically certain that he had not drunk nearly enough to answer questions. Sirius nodded slowly before leaning forward, elbows on knees; chin in hands. "Is there anything you would like to reveal? Anything you feel like sharing?"

Remus asked a question that he would not have dreamed of had he been sober. "If you already know then why are you asking?"

Sirius' eyes were inscrutable as he shrugged slowly and replied with one word; "Curiosity."

Remus took this as his cue to go to bed. Dawn was a long time from coming and the blackness of night was quickly stealing the dying light of the fire they were sat beside. Remus surprised himself with how willingly his limbs obeyed his mind; making it as far as the bottom of the spiral staircase before he had to pause to steady himself. Yet before he could move to climb them he heard Sirius move behind him, and he turned to see his friend bound gracelessly over a footstool and make his way towards him.

"I know you saw me," Remus was almost certain he had heard Sirius say, although he was sure his lips hadn't moved.

"What?"

"I had the map remember?" All at once, despite his tipsiness, Remus knew exactly what Sirius meant. Sirius laughed, his laughter swollen with alcohol, before he continued, "You might have been invisible, but I still knew you were there."

Remus couldn't move; his legs, that had previously been so compliant, were now refusing to move. Nor could he speak; he couldn't think what to say. Instead, Remus remained fixed to the spot, one hand pressed against the wall for support as Sirius drew ever closer.

"How long were you there for?"

"You'd know if you had the map."

Sirius smirked at this. He swayed slightly ever closer to Remus. Remus reluctantly stood his ground.

"Why did you watch?"

"I didn't."

"Then why didn't you leave?"

"I…" Remus' brow furrowed, shaking his head, uncertain of the answer himself before he gave it. "I couldn't."

All smiles had drained from Sirius' face as he moved to mirror Remus' body; one arm pressed out against the wall to the side, his eyes fixed on Remus' face as he asked lowly, "Did you like it?"

"What?" Remus asked, taken a-back by the frankness of his friend's question. He had expected Sirius to laugh again but he didn't. Instead his face remained as indecipherable as ever; his eyes smouldering with something unspoken lying just beneath surface of it all, before Sirius asked again, stressing every word with care "Did you like what you saw?"

Something all too familiar began to pulse deep inside Remus' stomach; he could feel his face flushing; his skin on fire. As Sirius drew nearer Remus could smell the Firewhiskey lacing his breath; or maybe it was on his own?

"You're drunk Sirius," Remus managed eventually. At this Sirius' expression broke and a smile cracked the corners of his mouth as he slowly backed away. Remus watched in silence as Sirius shook his head, laughing quietly to himself before saying softly, "Maybe I am."

Sirius lowered his arm and moved towards the staircase, his body barely brushing against Remus' as he passed. Remus heard his friend's shoes scuff the stone beneath, yet before Sirius had begun to climb, Remus had said quietly, "But then maybe so am I."

A sharp bark of laughter broke the tense silence that has descended and as Remus' eyes remained fixed on the space in the air his friend's body had just inhabited, he heard Sirius hesitate for a moment behind him, before slowly beginning to climb the stairs.

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Ouch. Tension! Review and let me know if I'm still doing the job right! xxx


	84. Chapter 84

A/N: Yet another upload. I hope everyone is managing to keep up but we have a deadline to meet!

With the impending summer exams the Marauders hit the books, and Remus finally tells Sirius that his plan isn't a good idea.

Disclaimer: I don't Harry Potter so there is no harm done.

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"To what extent can the continued servitude of certain magical creatures be seen as essential for the preservation of the Wizarding race?"

Peter blinked twice, his face devoid of all understanding.

"How far do you agree that the Muggle Peasant Revolt of 1381 was a direct consequence of the Warlock tribunal in regards to the mistreatment of Muggles of 1380?"

James pushed the parchment away from him, throwing his quill down beside it before placing his feet on the desk.

"'Tensions between pure-bloods and Muggle-borns can be blamed for political and social unrest in the seventeenth century.' Discuss."

Sirius shot his textbook a look of complete disdain before dramatically slamming it shut. Remus struggled to make out his own handwriting, which seemed to him, all of a sudden, to take the form of ants that were marching away from him on the page. James sighed and Remus looked up from his parchment bleary-eyed to be met with a knowing smile from Sirius; it seemed that the Firewhiskey hadn't affected him at all.

"Come on, Moony," Peter piped up, looking down at his hands which were covered in ink. "How are we ever going to get our heads round all this if you don't help us?"

Remus struggled to stifle a yawn in response. James laughed at this before dropping his feet and pulling his parchment towards him before saying, "I don't think Remus is up to much today."

"I'm fine," Remus managed to say, almost half-convincingly, pointedly avoiding Sirius who was still smiling at him. He blinked hard to rid himself of the dull headache that had been lurking behind his eyes all morning, before pulling a book towards him and mumbling under his breath, "1380…"

As Remus tried desperately to find the right facts he needed for revision he could almost feel the alcohol still coating his mouth. He had been wrong to drink at all, he now thought to himself, shuffling his chair away from the shaft of sunlight that was creeping towards him across the desk. He had assumed that what little Firewhiskey he had drunk would have been nothing, but it seemed that he had yet to develop the resistance to it's affects like Sirius had. Or maybe he simply hadn't drunk as much as Sirius had, Remus thought to himself as he allowed his eyes to travel from the page and up to his friends face. Sirius was staring fixedly down at a book entitled "Unravelling the Enigmas of the Past: Understanding History of Magic, Volume Six." Remus remembered back to the night before and through the haze he clearly recalled Sirius asking _did you like what you saw?_

As he heard the question once more in his mind Remus started, unintentionally knocking over his ink well, sending black liquid pooling across the page. James yelped, snatching his work away before the ink could stain it and both Sirius and Remus withdrew their wands at the same time to clear up the mess.

"Sorry," Remus mumbled as he sat back down, irritated at the headache he simply couldn't manage to shake. As he pressed his fingers to his temples in an attempt to eradicate the pain, Sirius gave a snort of laughter, relaxing back into his chair with the words, "For someone who goes through…what you do every month, I'm surprised you can't live with a little hangover."

"Moony's just not used to drinking…" Peter started defensively. Yet Sirius was too quick to let him continue. "Not like me, you mean?" Peter's mouth fell open in an attempt to disagree, yet Sirius pressed on sarcastically, "I can't believe you'd be so insensitive about my problem. You'll be driving me to drink next; tottering on my stool in the Three Broomsticks."

James laughed under his breath, looking up and over his glasses at his friend before saying, "I thought there was a more…romantic reason you propped up the bar in there?"

Sirius gave a bark of laughter at this before shrugging his shoulders and saying, "I'm not the only one who's noticed the landlady's…" He paused for effect before finishing, "…ample talents."

At this the tips of James' ears went slightly pink as he seemed all of a sudden very interested in the History of Magic question he'd set himself.

"I don't know what you're insinuating."

"Would you like me to be a bit more explicit, Prongs?" Sirius asked. At this all the Marauders couldn't help but laugh; Remus laughing too despite the way that his brain felt like it was swelling every time he moved. Finally, after the hilarity of the moment had passed and each friend had returned to concentrating on revision once more, Sirius exhaled deeply before saying lazily, "Maybe we should be forgetting about History of Magic and study Potions instead."

Despite Sirius' casual manner both James and Remus looked up immediately, fully comprehending what Sirius was really saying. Peter looked confused; still ignorant to Sirius and his plan to use Polyjuice Potion to trick Snape into revealing that he had been learning Legilimency. For awhile no-one spoke and Remus, who had already agreed to discourage Sirius from going ahead with his plan to Lily, realised that he would have to say something now.

"I don't think this is such a good idea, Padfoot," Remus said eventually without taking his eyes off the page in front of him. Even though he wasn't looking, Remus could feel Sirius staring at him; perhaps trying to decipher why he was saying what he was, yet before he could speak, Peter had asked, "What's not a good idea?"

"Oh, Remus doesn't think it's a good idea to find out for certain if Snape's been teaching himself Legilimency."

"That's not what I'm saying," Remus said, half-sighing, rubbing his forehead wearily with one hand.

James, perhaps sensing that Peter still didn't fully understand, leant across the table to say in hushed tones, "Lily's been making Polyjuice Potion for us."

"Oh," Peter said.

"I just feel there must be some other way for us to find out. Polyjuice Potion is unreliable; and they've already used it once on us. How can we be certain that Snape will fall for it?" Out of the corner of his eye Remus saw James nod slightly in agreement, yet before he could voice that opinion, Sirius had already snapped back, "This isn't about the Polyjuice Potion. You just don't trust me."

Peter and James waited for Remus' response, their eyes fixed on him. His immediate reaction had been to deny it; to tell Sirius that it wasn't a matter of trust. Yet as Sirius had spoken Remus had realised that perhaps there was more truth in Sirius' accusation than he would have liked to have admitted.

"It's not a matter of trust," Remus managed eventually to answer, not sounding completely convinced. Sirius gave a joyless snort of laughter, shaking his head; sending his hair in front of his face as he said, "It's always a matter of trust."

"Come on, Padfoot. Maybe you should hear him out," James attempted to diffuse the situation, yet Sirius' temper had predictably taken over as he ignored James to continue, "You'd think that after my display at the Quidditch match that you would have a little bit more faith in me. I guess that really would be asking too much, wouldn't it?"

"Please, Sirius," Remus implored, wincing slightly at the pain that was throbbing behind his temples. "Please, just listen to me. I think it's a good idea for us to find out what Snape has been doing for certain. I just think there must be a better way to do it than by using Polyjuice Potion." Remus watched Sirius carefully, who seemed to be silently formulating what his next response should be. Before Sirius had a chance to say anything, Remus seized on the silence; sensing that perhaps his friend was coming round to his way of thinking, as he said, "We'll find out, I promise. It's not because I don't trust you."

To Remus' and (by the way both Peter and James allowed themselves to exhale slowly) to the other Marauders' relief, Sirius nodded; the thunderous expression from his face lifting as he relaxed back into his chair. Remus could hardly believe it; if he had known that Sirius would have been this easy to convince than he would have perhaps broached the subject earlier. After leafing through the book idly for a moment, Sirius eventually conceded "Alright. We'll find some other way. You're probably right about the Polyjuice Potion anyway…"

Beneath the table Remus could feel Peter twitch nervously against him, perhaps waiting for his friend's temper to explode once again. Yet Remus had more faith in Sirius than that, and felt all of a sudden proud at his noticeable attempt at moderation, that was only ruined by James who said, "Bloody hell, Padfoot, what's come over you?"

Sirius' lips curled into a ghost of a smile as he shrugged slowly and said, "Oh, you know, it's exhausting having to be so impassioned sometimes."

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Reviews and opinions welcomed and heartily encouraged xxx


	85. Chapter 85

A/N: Bloody hell! I've done it again and missed bloody chapters out! I'm so sorry to keep doing this but I get very confused when uploading multiple chapters. Hopefully this will be the last time I make this mistake. The next two chapters are what I missed out so except my apologies and I hope you like what you missed!

Disclaimer: I don't own them so don't sue!

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Peter had been slightly withdrawn over the next few days and Remus put this down to one of two things; he was either feeling left-out again at not knowing about the plan for the Polyjuice Potion, or he was feeling the stress of the impending exams. Remus assumed that it was a combination of the two and so it was that he found himself worrying about his friend, as he watched from the stands, as he waited for Eleanor to finish Quidditch practice and join him. Although Sirius and James had all but ceased their victimisation of Peter, it seemed that this was having little effect on the dynamic of the group. As Remus craned his neck in time to see the Ravenclaw team land on the ground to make their way to the changing room, he thought of how at the beginning of the year he and Peter had been closer than he could claim to have been with either James or Sirius, yet as the year had gone on Peter seemed to have become more distant from all of the Marauders. Despite the fact that Remus felt quite sure that Peter would still consider himself as part of the group, he couldn't help but think that he, Sirius and James would all be to blame if Peter felt isolated and lonely.

Remus looked up at the sky, which was still showing no signs of breaking to rain, and considered the ways things had changed for them all in their sixth year. So much had happened; from Sirius' disownment and his unexpected inheritance from his Uncle Alphard, to the Marauder's discovery of Snape's and Regulus' involvement in what was happening in the Room of Requirement; the rise of Voldemort and the Death Eaters to the discovery of the Order of the Phoenix. They had all grown closer to Lily, who had learnt to trust them; in particular James, whose hopes had been raised in regards to whether or not Lily would ever feel the way he did. And Remus, to his absolute astonishment, had discovered girls (not that he had never not noticed them before). For the first time since he had the presence of mind to notice them in the way that most of the boys at Hogwarts had for years, Remus had found someone that he trusted enough to get close to; someone that he cared enough about to take a risk.

As he made his way down towards the changing rooms, overhead Remus was certain that he heard a low roll of thunder. He leant back against the tarpaulin, his eyes scanning the view before him that seemed all at once darkened by the ominous clouds that had gathered overhead. The wind was rising, stirring the grass that rolled over the lawns that stretched up towards the castle. Remus felt suddenly cold.

A familiar tune hummed beside him drew Remus away from his study of the skyline to look at Eleanor who was approaching, moving away from the rest of the Ravenclaw team. As Eleanor drew nearer, slipping her arms over Remus' shoulders to pull him close, another ripple of thunder sounded overhead, causing both of them to look up and away for each other.

"Maybe it's finally going to rain," Eleanor said, planting a kiss on Remus' cheek.

Remus didn't look down from the sky as he replied quietly, "Perhaps." For a moment they were both silent, waiting for another sound to break the sky. It was Remus that broke the silence, looking down from the clouds to Eleanor to say, "We met here, remember? At the beginning of the year?"

Eleanor's eyes narrowed as she said, "Well, we did meet before that, it's just you can't remember."

Remus cupped her chin in his hands, allowing the tip of his thumb to travel up her jaw line as he asked, "Are you intending to hold that against me for very much longer?"

Eleanor rolled her eyes upwards as though thinking before moving so her mouth was inches from his before muttering, "Not at all."

They kissed and Remus exhaled, pressing their foreheads together as he said, "I want you to know that you make me happy. Very happy…happier than I perhaps should be sometimes…" He faltered, seeing the way she drew away from him; looking up at him with inquisitive eyes.

"Why don't you have a right to be happy?" Eleanor asked. Remus, once more, turned his attention to the sky. The clouds that had gathered, although black, showed little sign of raining. The thunder had long since grumbled. _Because it's a lie_ Remus thought to himself, hardly daring to bring himself to look down into her eyes once more;_ because you don't know the truth and if you did you'd hate me for it._

She had to know something; it was stupid of him to assume that she was ignorant to it all. She was intelligent, it was part of the reason he liked her so much, so it would not be going too far to think that she had begun to ask questions about where he went every month. The Marauders had. They had wondered, disbelieving; wanting to know the truth. Even Snape had grown a little curious as to why it was Remus always seemed to be absent from classes at certain times of the month. He had debated telling her; so many times he had wished he had been good at Divination, so that he could tell how she would respond, making the words easier to say.

"You deserve to be happy, just like everybody else does." Remus focused on her face that was upturned towards his, the shadows flitting across it as the clouds rolled away overhead. As he looked down he recalled something Sirius said to him in the past, on a night that seems a million miles away from where he was now; _I think that you have it in you to be just as happy as James or as anyone, but it's like James said, you're just scared. But you shouldn't be, Remus, you really shouldn't, because - if you can find three boys at Hogwarts who can see past your furry little problem, then I'm sure that there's a girl out there that can too._

When Remus thought of the things Sirius has said to him in the past, words of anger and of hate are what flood to the surface. Words that Sirius said and didn't mean; didn't think about the way they sounded, and after he said them wasn't able to take them back. Yet there is something about the words that Remus had remembered that made him realise just how close to the truth Sirius often was. Things he'd said in passing that had come to mean much more to Remus now. _Perhaps Sirius had been right_, Remus thought to himself, feeling like the silence between him and Eleanor was never ending; _perhaps there was someone who would be able to accept him as who he was; know everything about him and love him nonetheless_. Perhaps Eleanor could be that person and he was ruining his chances by not trusting her enough by telling her everything? They had been closer than he had ever been to anyone else; they had shared their bodies with one another and yet still Remus would not allow himself to tell her his secret.

"I want to tell you something," Remus managed to say eventually. Eleanor allowed her arms to fall from about his shoulders and took a step back, preparing herself for whatever he was about to say. Remus couldn't help but laugh at this gesture, more out of nervousness than anything else, before shuffling on his feet and mumbling down at the ground, "But I'm so scared...I just…I'm sorry…"

"What are you so scared of?" Eleanor asked, genuinely at a loss to understand.

"I don't know," Remus mumbled, shaking his head, instinctively moving away as Eleanor reached out to comfort him with her touch. "Please," he said, raising his hand to stop her from coming any closer. He could tell by the way his voice had wavered dangerously as he had spoken just how close he was to tears. "I need to speak. I _need_ to tell you this."

"Go on," Eleanor said determinedly, moving away, giving Remus enough space. Remus acknowledged this movement with a nod of his head and struggled to repress his fear, swallowing hard, before continuing, "This is so hard, _so_ hard…"

"Look, Remus," Eleanor began, her eyes fixed on his face as she gradually closed the gap between them. Despite his better judgement Remus stood his ground, fighting his urge to move away as she reached down to take his hands in hers. His heart was racing; throbbing in his ears. If he were to go ahead and tell her what he wanted to then this could be the last moment he would ever be with her like this; this could be the last time that she'd show him that she cared. Remus watched, distracted, as she raised his hands to her lips, kissing the back of them both, before continuing, "Whatever it is, however much it is worrying you, you just need to tell me. However bad it may seem I promise to listen and to try and help…"

"I think I love you." The words had come out of Remus' mouth before he had thought; before he had realised that he had said something he had never really considered, rather than the confession that had been playing on his mind. Eleanor looked taken a back yet before she had moved away Remus had pressed on, startled at his own behaviour towards his sudden epiphany. "I think I do…or could. I just…" Remus laughed, unable to believe the unexpected turn this conversation had taken, forgetting for a moment the truth of what he had wanted to say, in favour of what he had suddenly felt as he had looked down into Eleanor's face. Eleanor had yet to speak; her eyes were unmoving as Remus managed to control his humour and end, "I think that I'm falling in love with you."

Eleanor pulled her hands away, blushing deeply as she thrust them into her pockets as she asked nervously, "Is that what you wanted to tell me?"

Remus, disheartened by her initial reaction, replied with the question, "Is that not what you expected to hear?"

"No," Eleanor answered, matter-of-factly.

Although the clouds had begun to clear the wind had yet to drop, causing Eleanor's blonde hair to be blown in front of her face.

"Well…eh…" Remus' confidence finally failed him as he struggled to ask the question he wanted the answer to. "Is it not what you _wanted_ to hear?"

The silence that followed caused Remus' blood to run cold as he waited, for what seemed like an eternity, for Eleanor to reply.

"I'm not sure." Her voice was slow and low, nearly completely obscured by the wind. "I need time to think. I just wouldn't want to say anything I didn't mean."

"I understand," Remus had said before he had time to consider whether or not he actually did. With this Eleanor smiled a curious smile, withdrawing, glancing furtively up at the castle before saying, "I'm going to walk up now. Are you coming? It's a little bit freezing out here."

Remus nodded, feeling heavy and out of place as he began to follow the path through the grounds, barely speaking to Eleanor again as they walked through the entrance and into the warmth and the light of the Great Hall.

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Ouch. A litte bit cold don't you think, but did he mean it? Review and let me know what you think! xxx


	86. Chapter 86

A/N: The last missing chapter uploaded. In this we witness a nice moment between James and Remus in which Remus confides in him.

Back to normal uploads after this!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, that is J.K.Rowling's distinct pleasure. No need to sue!

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As Remus made his way back to the Gryffindor common room, desperately trying to ignore Peeves, who had joined him on the staircase to barrage him with his favourite, incessant chant of "Loony Lupin"; he tried desperately not to keep replaying Eleanor's words in his head: _I'm not sure. I need time to think. I just wouldn't want to say anything I didn't mean._ By the time he had reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, Peeves had grown bored of Remus ignoring him, and had darted away by the time Remus had mumbled "Monsoon."

"Yes, chance would be a fine thing," the Fat Lady said breathlessly down at him as she swung open, fanning herself desperately with one hand.

Remus didn't understand why Eleanor's reaction should be playing on his mind so much. It had been reasonable; it had not been a rejection. It was fair of her to not want to say something before she was ready to. _Maybe that's not what's bothering you_, a voice in Remus' head said as he pushed open the door to the boy's dormitory. Maybe what was bothering him was the fact that he hadn't even intended to say it and, worse still, that he didn't in fact know whether he had meant it at all.

Relief flooded over him to see that the dormitory was empty asides from James, who was sitting in a window seat, idly leafing through a Quidditch magazine.

"Alright, Prongs?" Remus asked when James didn't look up from the page in front of him as he had entered. James snorted, shrugging before saying, "No, not really." He lifted his eyes and said, "Me and Padfoot have got detention later."

"What for?"

James shook his head as he turned the page; his face red from the heat as he began to explain, "Some trouble with the Slytherins at lunch. Some of them thought it would be funny to start on Peter and, well you know, we wouldn't have that. So me and Sirius decided that it's only fair if we come to Wormtail's rescue…it was Bachman and Smithson, although they won't admit it. So Peter's in the hospital wing recovering, and me and Sirius have detention this evening with Slughorn."

Remus sat down on James' bed, narrowly avoiding the magazine that James had obviously tired of, and threw at the trunk, that was open on the floor. As he watched his friend exhale deeply, resting his head back against the inset of the wall, Remus realised that this was the perfect opportunity to confide in James what had just happened between himself and Eleanor. _If he doesn't speak in a minute_, Remus thought to himself, suddenly becoming stupidly nervous, _I'll say something._ James remained silent and Remus, after swallowing hard, mustered up his courage to say, "I want to tell you something Prongs."

James raised his head away from the wall, his eyes falling on Remus' face, concerned, as he asked, "What's wrong?"

"Oh, well, it's nothing important really. It's just…well…" Remus hesitated, flushing, before continuing very fast, "Isboutmeneleanor…."

James' reaction to this was not what Remus had been expecting. He had not laughed; nor had his face broken into a knowing smile. Instead, he had simply leaned forward slightly, folding his arms across his knees and saying, "Right."

"I don't know how much you know, or have guessed but…" Remus knew by the heat in his cheeks the dark shade of crimson he must have turned. At first he avoided James' eyes yet, thinking that this was perhaps not the best way for his friend to take the hint, he moved his gaze to rest on James' face. At first, James looked confused; however, the longer Remus stared without talking, the more realisation dawned.

"Oh…_oh…_" James said half-way between discomfort and disbelief. "_Really?_"

Remus could barely bring himself to nod before he said, "Did you really not know?"

James laughed shortly at this. "Didn't have a bloody clue…" He paused, his mind silently processing the question he was going to ask. James leant forwards further before asking in a whisper, "What was it like?"

It was obvious that by the face at Remus pulled to being asked this that James realised that his friend wasn't willing to divulge details. He leant back against the wall, mumbled something vaguely apologetic, before waiting patiently for Remus to continue.

"I wanted to tell her, though, about my lycanthropy. I've wanted to tell her ever since then, and even before; I just couldn't. And just now, down by the pitch, I came so close to but…" Remus trailed off. "…I said something else instead."

"What did you say?" James asked, intrigued.

"I told her that I thought I loved her."

Again, Remus had imagined James to laugh, or exclaim something along the lines of "bloody hell", yet as he looked up at his friend he saw his brow was furrowed as he stared pensively back at him.

"Did you mean it?" James asked simply. Remus shrugged. It had been instinctual; he hadn't really been thinking at all. Or he had, but he had been thinking of confessing something else so as he had spoken his words had been a shock, even to him. He had said them without realising what it could mean; they had sounded so serious once they had passed his lips.

"I don't know, I thought I did, but then again…" Remus sighed. "…now I'm not so sure."

James nodded.

"What did she say? Did she say it back?" Remus tried to smile as he shook his head. James winced at this and said something that sounded like "Ouch" before he continued, "I don't know about all this, Moony. I don't know what kind of advice you expected. I don't really know what to say."

"That's alright, Prongs," Remus said, genuinely laughing at this. "I just sort of wanted to tell someone." He paused, watching James' face carefully as he said, "I just don't think we've been telling each other very much lately, have we?"

It was James' turn to blush and look away, out at the sky where tentative patches of grey sunlight were struggling to illuminate the room.

"You could have just asked, you know?" James mumbled petulantly as he turned back to face his friend. "You and Sirius, after you saw what you did…but you didn't. And I wasn't going to say a sodding thing after he took the piss."

"Sorry," Remus said, realising just how much they had all been to blame for the breakdown in communication of late. James lost the attitude with a shrug and he sighed dramatically before saying, "Well, for future reference, nothing has happened since between me and Lily. I'd sometimes think I'd hallucinated it all…that it was just some effects of my concussion, except that you and Padfoot saw it too."

"But I thought…?" Remus began, trailing off as James' eyes fixed on him.

"I think she regrets it, although I wouldn't actually know; she's not said anything about it to me since. Although I suppose I should be grateful that at least she's feeling guilty enough to be civil to me now." Sadness laced James' words as he spoken them and Remus genuinely felt sorry for not talking to James earlier…about everything.

"I'm sure it'll be alright," Remus began in a desperate attempt to comfort his friend. James smiled, disbelieving. "She can't deny that she feels something for you now. It's only a matter of time. And besides…" Remus shrugged and said matter-of-factly, "Everyone knows that she likes you, James."

James moved, swinging his legs over the side of the window seat to stand.

"I didn't believe you the last time you said that," James said, patting Remus on the shoulder before moving across the room.

"But she kissed you," Remus called after him, turning to watch him open the bathroom door. "What more proof do you need?"

James spread his arms and shrugged before disappearing out of the room.

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Once again I'm sorry for all the bumbled uploads but I hope you enjoyed what you missed first time xxx


	87. Chapter 87

A/N: Okay, this is the last upload until Tuesday. I do think I've treated you but it is the weekend so you all deserve it. Sirius thinks he comes up with a better idea for discovering whether or not Snape has been practicing Legilimency.

(This is, in my humble opinion, one of the best chapters in the whole story - I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.)

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Pooter, J.K.Rowling does. No need to sue.

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Sirius pulled the small quantity of dragon's liver that he and Remus had been allocated towards him with a huff. Apparently, he and James had spent most of their detention skinning and dissecting them in preparation for this afternoon and, by the look on Sirius' face, it was clear that he had seen enough dragon's liver to last him a lifetime.

"_Please_ remember that the combination of today's potions ingredients, when mixed in the wrong quantities, produces an extremely combustible solution, very different to the hydration serum we are attempting to make." Slughorn stressed, throwing desperate glances at the students that were listening.

"I'd like to _combust_ the smirk off a particularly slimy face," Sirius hissed under his breath at Remus, who had begun to measure the correct amount of a bright, cobalt blue powder on his scales. Snape had been particularly antagonistic this morning; purposefully knocking into Peter as he had hurried to join them outside of Potions, sending his pile of parchment exploding over the corridor. He had already made at least three snide remarks at breakfast in regards to Slytherins defeat in the semi-final, which had caused Sirius to reach for his wand; only to be prevented by Professor Binns, who had floated languorously past just at the right moment. Even Remus couldn't ignore the way Snape's eyes had followed Lily into the room, and the way his waxen face had shrivelled into a grimace as James had sat down beside her. Something told him that before the day was out, either Snape or one of the Marauders would have cause to visit Madam Pomfrey in the hospital wing.

"_Careful_! Oh, for Merlin's sake…" Slughorn muttered, moving swiftly towards where two Slytherin girls had just set their cauldron on fire, performing the Aguamenti charm to swiftly put out the flames.

"Thought of any other way yet?" Remus asked, adding the powder to their already violently blue mixture before stirring it anti-clockwise. Sirius shot out his hand and mumbled, "Clockwise Moony," before stirring it the correct way and answering, "No, not yet. I have been thinking on it though. I don't think I can stand not being certain any longer. The thought of _him_ being able to read anyone's mind…"

Remus nodded and Sirius fell silent as Slughorn approached from behind and peered over the boys shoulder and down into their cauldron.

"Very nice potion-making," Slughorn said proudly before wandering off to look at another partnerships work.

"You'll probably think of something when you least expect it. That's usually how these sorts of things work."

Sirius said nothing, deep in thought, as he leant back on his stool, which tottered for a moment, before he said, "It's the principle of the thing that I don't like more than anything." From somewhere across on the other side of the classroom there was a loud crack, and Slughorn hurried over in a flurry of robes to put out another fire. "The idea that someone could know you innermost thoughts, your deepest, darkest secrets, without you having willingly told them…" Sirius gave an involuntary shudder "makes my blood run cold."

"Tell me Black, are you once again referring to how you could possibly come from a family such as yours?" a drawling voice behind them said, and both Sirius and Remus turned to see Snape standing behind them, various jars and bottles in his arms.

"You tell me," Sirius issued, almost as a challenge. Snape stood motionless for a moment, his black eyes smouldering before he turned to return to his place at his desk.

"He knows we know," Sirius said without moving his eyes from Snape.

Remus turned away, feeling uncomfortable with maintaining Snape's eye contact, before saying, "Unlikely."

"We're going to have to do something today." Sirius turned back around, pulling his textbook towards him and making very little effort to read it.

"What?" Remus muttered. From inside the pages of the book Sirius pulled a spare square of parchment towards him and began to scribble something frantically across it. He hesitated, waiting for Slughorn to turn his back, before turning and throwing the note to James, who caught it deftly. Remus watched as James read what Sirius had written; watched the way he didn't show it to Lily, who was obliviously taking notes from the board. James threw the note into the flames under his cauldron before nodding, returning to his work.

"It's now or never," Sirius said.

Before Remus had time to protest he was following behind James and Sirius, who had hurried out of the Potions room in an attempt to keep up with Snape. He had been one of the first pupils to leave. James had made his excuses and left Lily behind; perhaps uncertain of whether or not she would agree to whatever it was Sirius had planned.

"So what's the plan?" Remus asked, struggling to keep up.

"There is no plan," Sirius said, halting at the end of the corridor just before the Grand Staircase. He turned to look at Remus who had been starring at the back of his head, aghast, before saying, "As you said, it just came to me. We're just going to confront him."

"Whoa, wait a minute," Remus gesticulated desperately. To his relief, Sirius had stopped, but only long enough to exclaim something vulgar under his breath, before reaching inside James' pockets to retrieve the map. They had lost track of Snape. As Sirius pressed his wand against the parchment and muttered "I solemnly swear I am up to no good", Remus glanced at James and began, "Prongs, you can't think this is a good idea?"

James shrugged, a little uncertain, before replying, "It's the only other idea we've had."

"There!" Sirius said, pointing to the spot marked "Severus Snape" that had appeared in the boys bathroom on the sixth floor. Wasting little time all three boys began to climb the stairs, pausing only long enough to remember where the trick step was, before rushing in the direction of the bathroom.

Remus was a little out of breath by the time they got there, yet before he had a chance to collect his thoughts for long enough to question what they were doing, Sirius had already opened the door and entered the room. James followed and Remus came in last, closing the door behind him and turning to see Snape standing with his back to them, staring at them out of the cracked mirror. Sirius had drawn his wand and was pointing it accusatorily at Snape's back. Snape sneered as he turned.

"If we could bypass the usual pleasant exchange of insult…"

"We've got a question for you, Snivellus," Sirius shot back, taking a step towards him.

"Really?" Snape replied, almost lazily, looking from one friend to the next. "I only see one wizard with his wand drawn." At this both Remus and James withdrew their wands to be met with a resounding "Ah" from Snape.

"And you better think very carefully about your answer." At this Snape laughed, a cold, mirthless laughter that pierced the watery silence of the room, echoing off the walls. Although he had stopped laughing, his eyes still glittered dangerously as he said, "I am not frightened of you, Black. Why should I be, when it is so horrendously obvious that it is you that is afraid?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" James said, growing angry on his friend's behalf. Snape took a step towards them and Remus tightened his grasp about his wand.

"You've all been terrified since that day in Knockturn Alley; that day in Borgin and Burkes. You were so scared you couldn't even stand your ground and fight…"

"Death Eater!" Sirius hissed, his face draining. Snape did nothing except shift his gaze from James to Sirius as he replied smoothly, "Prove it."

"We know what you've been doing Snape," James began, his eyes fixing on Snape's sallow face. Snape almost grimaced with pleasure as James continued, "We know what you've being doing in the Room of Requirement."

"Really?" Snape drawled, his black eyes moving to where Remus was stood, at the back of it all. "And then I suppose you know that I know about your pathetic attempts to make the Polyjuice Potion…?"

"What?" Sirius snapped.

"Oh yes, didn't you know that?" Snape was once again staring at James with a barely concealed hatred. "I thought you knew _everything_."

"You may think you've gotten away with things so far," James began, taking a step to the side, bringing himself close to Sirius. "You may think that we're just going to sit back and let you teach yourself Legilimency; let you do the things you've done to Lily…" At the mention of this name, Snape went rigid. "But I promise you this ends here, now, today."

"You're wrong, yet again, Potter," Snape articulated malevolently. Remus, once again, tightened his grasp around his wand. "This is only the beginning. What you think you know is nothing. You cannot begin to comprehend…this goes beyond us, goes beyond everyone here at Hogwarts. You can't even begin to understand."

"I understand that you believe in what you're doing," Remus began, suddenly finding his voice as he advanced towards them. "I understand that you thought that no-one would find out. But we know now, Snape, and unless this ends, we'll have no choice…" Remus trailed off watching Snape's eyes pass from one friend to another, a thin smile tracing his lips.

"You fools…!" Snape shook his head almost in sympathy before returning his eyes to James. Snape inched forward and Remus noted how his hand was slowing moving inside his robes as he said, "I shall never understand how you endeavoured to deserve her. I shall never understand…" Before he had finished Snape had withdrawn his wand, aiming it fixedly at James. Remus had yelled yet Sirius had already seen, aiming a hex that hit Snape on the shoulder, causing him to stagger backwards.

James hurried forward, mumbling a furious hex in Snape's direction which he skilfully dodged, causing one of the mirrors behind him to shatter; sending shards of glass across the room. Snape said nothing yet a flash of light shot at Sirius which he barely missed as it ricocheted around the room.

"Three on one…" Snape panted, stepping over the glass that littered the tiled floor with a crunch. For a moment no-one moved. Snape's eyes were darting between the Marauders, trying to ascertain who was going to move first, as he finished, "What's happened to the Gryffindor sense of fair play?"

"We soon realised that it was of little use against cowards like you!" James spluttered furiously. Immediately Snape's face had become livid, his black eyes widening.

"I'd be careful who you're calling coward, Potter." Something malevolent flashed across Snape's unmoving face as he looked James up and down before he finished coldly, "It's such a shame that Bella didn't torture you when she had the chance."

Sirius lunged forward, yelling a curse that would have caused serious damage had it hit its target. Yet Snape was too quick and with a yell of "_Expelliarmus!_" had sent Sirius' wand flying. At that moment Remus moved forward as Sirius staggered back, momentarily taken off guard at being so quickly disarmed. Yet before either of them could do anything to stop it, a flash of light struck James squarely across the side, causing a jet of blood to spurt from the wound.

James let out an otherworldly whimper before falling limply to the bathroom floor. Sirius yelled something furious, breaking free from Remus' restraining grasp. Snape was too quick and was already moving swiftly towards the door, with Sirius moving to follow. Yet Remus was frozen, unable to do anything but stare down at James, who was lying on top of the splintered mirror, the shimmering floor splattered with blood.

"Remus…" James' voice called out to him like a voice from a dream and all of a sudden Remus felt as though he wasn't there as Sirius rushed past him, falling to his knees beside James. The light from the mirror dazzled him causing all around to appear white, asides from the crimson of the blood that was rapidly pooling on the front of James' clothes.

"Remus, help me," Sirius said, although it may have well have been James that had spoken for all Remus knew. He was in his dream; all of a sudden he had been transported into the dream that had haunted him since the day at Godrics Hollow. Still Remus could not move as he watched as though he were a figure in a memory as Sirius struggled to pull his friend towards him in order to remove his clothes. There was blood everywhere; red on white; on the white of the tiles, the mirror and James' blanched, bare skin.

All at once Remus was being shaken and as his eyes focused on Sirius' face he could see that his friend was clearly terrified. "Please, Remus, you have to help me. If you don't…" And with that Remus was back in his body, back in the room and moving over to his friend who was lying on the floor.

The cut was deep and the blood was trickling, glazing his skin with a brownish sheen. Very quickly Remus had ascertained that this was beyond his powers and, after moving so that he would be able to position James' head on his knees, he said to Sirius, "There's nothing I can do about this. Get a teacher, get Madam Pomfrey. Go!"

Sirius didn't wait around to argue, rising to his feet, swiftly pocketing his wand before running out of the bathroom. Remus looked down at James' face; his glasses were skew-whiff, his bottom lip was trembling as he began to shiver.

"You'll be okay, Prongs, I promise," Remus said, slicking back his friend's dark hair, away from his pallid, clammy forehead. James shuddered and Remus waited, staring fixedly at the door as he repeated, "You're going to be okay."

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And, as you've come to expect, I'll leave you with yet another evil cliff hanger. I would love to know what you thought of that chapter as I love it. Hope all of you are well and enjoying this. Expect another update soon xxx


	88. Chapter 88

A/N: Right, back on track now. Thank you SO much for your reviews and opinions. They mean so much more to me than you realise so thank you.

Some of you raised questions in your reviews that need to be addressed. Reader, please be patient, everything I've brought up in this story WILL BE RESOLVED. I promise x

I intended Remus' dream to be and indicator of lots of things that happen in the future, both having brought it up in the previous chapter and having it as a mirror for James and Lily's fate.

Anyway, as I promised, it is Tuesday and time for many updates (without missing chapters this time!). Hope you read and enjoy. The confrontation in the bathroom leaves it's mark on Lily and all the Marauders.

Thank you to Meg and Rosie.

Disclaimer: J.K.Rowling is the genius behind Harry Potter. No need to sue.

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"What's happening? Where's James?" Lily tried desperately to push past Sirius and Remus, who were standing in the doorway to the hospital wing. As Remus tried struggled to hold Lily back, stopping her going into the room that, only moments before, they had been expelled from by Madam Pomfrey, Professor McGonagall and Dumbledore; he saw over her shoulder that Peter was hovering nervously just a little way behind.

"They chucked us out," Sirius said darkly as Lily finally stopped struggling, taking a step away from the boys to eye them.

"Snape…Snape attacked him with the spell that he's used before…" Remus was prevented from finishing by Lily who questioned, a little frantic, "Sectumsempra?"

"What?" Sirius snapped, causing Lily to look to him and ask simply, "Was that the spell he used?"

"You tell us."

Sirius paused only long enough to flick his attention in the direction of the door behind them. In the room beyond they struggled to discern what the teachers were saying.

"Lily, how do you know about that spell?" Remus asked in attempt to divert the line of inquiry away from Sirius. Lily, looking momentarily embarrassed, moved aside to allow Peter to join them, before replying, "It's in Sever…" Sirius had hissed lowly, causing Lily to immediately correct herself, "…in Snape's Potions book. It was ours. W…we worked on it together. It's full of spells we both created…you know, like levicorpus?"

"I don't believe what I'm hearing." Sirius was shaking his head down at the ground before raising his eyes to Lily, his brow furrowed. "You actually _helped_ create the hex that did _that_" Sirius gestured violently in the direction of the door to the hospital wing "to James?!"

"No, I swear…" Lily paused, looking utterly desperate as she looked to Remus and asked, "You can't think I'd ever have any part in something that could do something that awful?"

Remus moved to speak yet before he could say anything further the door behind them had opened, sending a stream of light across the hallway and over the friends. Professor McGonagall had appeared, rapidly closing the door behind her before Remus could see anything of James in the room beyond.

"What is it?" Sirius asked only to be cut off by Lily's question, "How is he, Professor?"

"Is he going to be alright?"

Professor McGonagall raised her hands to silence them before saying very slowly, "He is fairing well, considering. Madam Pomfrey has managed to heal the wound and your friend has had some dittany, which will stop as much as the scarring as is possible."

The relief amongst the friends was almost audible. Despite their countless previous confrontations with Snape, Remus could not recall any one of them becoming that seriously injured; and as he had cradled his friend's head in his lap, he had found himself frightened of loosing someone he loved. Sirius' relief was unquestionable and as he scraped his hair back away from his face, Remus was sure that Sirius' eyes were glassy.

"Now, I must ask you how this happened." McGonagall swept her eyes over the faces of the students. "This is a very serious assault and whoever is responsible for this must be severely punished." McGonagall paused, allowing enough time for any one of them to speak. The hall was filled with silence.

"I am to assume, then, that you are not willing to tell me what happened?" McGonagall's voice had an edge of severity and it was only Remus who had the courage to meet her eyes and slowly shake his head. "Very well," she said a little snappishly, moving to walk away. "If you wish for the perpetrator of this crime to go unpunished then it is up to you. However, I cannot help feel more than a little disappointed." She shook her head before saying sadly, "I expected a stronger display of loyalty amongst such fiercely devoted friends."

No-one spoke for a moment as McGonagall disappeared around the corner of the corridor; Remus couldn't bear to in light of what their Professor had just said.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Peter asked, breaking the silence. Remus met Lily's eyes and read the sentiments that were written there; why hadn't they both spoken when they had had the chance?

"I suppose Moony was just protecting his _interests_," Sirius said curtly, causing Remus to look up into the face of his friend. Sirius was standing, staring impersonally at him; cold fury etched into every line of his face.

"I don't understand what you're accusing me of," Remus replied, stressed.

At this Sirius gave a sharp bark of humourless laughter before saying, "Really? I thought you'd be the one best equipped to understand."

Lily looked at Remus.

"Remus, what is he talking abou…?"

"Allow me to enlighten you!" Sirius' words were shot with mania as he walked a little towards the window opposite, gazing out of it momentarily before turning back to address his friends. "Just before Snape decided to dissect James he told us that he knew exactly what we were planning to do…what we were planning to do with the Polyjuice Potion."

"How?" Lily asked. Sirius' eyes were stormy as they remained fixed on Remus, his lips barely moving as he said, "That's exactly what I'd like to know."

"Wait. Hang on…" Peter attempted to caution yet Sirius was erratically pacing, philosophising frantically under his breath. "Who knew about that, hmm? Who!" He almost shouted this. "I knew, of course, it was my idea. And James. And you…" Sirius pointed to Lily who was withdrawing away from Sirius' outstretched arm as though afraid. "And you." His eyes roamed to Remus who could hardly believe what Sirius was suggesting.

"You can't be serious?"

"Who else?" Sirius announced as though it were a completely logical progression of thought. "Peter didn't know…he only found out the other day. It was you that wasn't happy with the idea; wanted to encourage us to use some other way. And all the while you were protecting _him_."

"You'd think I'd do that?" Remus suddenly found his voice, reacting finally to what Sirius was accusing him of. He felt cold; cold at what Sirius was implying.

"You've never liked the way we are with him. Thought we victimise him…"

"You do!" This was very clearly the wrong response as Sirius took a step towards Remus, closing the distance between them, he said in a frighteningly controlled way, "And so you thought you'd turn the tables. Even things up a bit. Admit it!"

"Admit what?" Remus implored, desperately as to make his friend see reason. Yet it seemed Sirius was convinced; the pieces of the ill-fitting puzzle had fallen into place as he said, "It's you that's been helping Snape in the Room of Requirement."

Remus laughed involuntarily at this, unable to stop himself. Lily seized this opportunity to attempt to add a sense of rationality back into the equation as she asked Sirius, "You can't honestly believe that?"

"But don't you see, Lily, it makes _perfect_ sense!" Sirius flashed a sinister grin before turning his attention back to Remus as he said, "You never really wanted us to find out, did you? If we did we'd know it was you that Snape was practicing Legilimency on…that's how he'd know about the Polyjuice Potion. That's why you didn't want us to confront him. You didn't want your little secret to come out." Sirius allowed his gaze to travel down the length of Remus' body before he turned his nose up and said, "That's why you held back in the bathroom."

Without thinking Remus had started forward, grabbing Sirius by the shoulders hard, pulling him towards with the angry words, "That's as good as saying that I'm the one that did that to James."

Lily moved forward to part them, desperately pulling Remus away, causing him to relinquish his grasp on Sirius, sending him staggering backwards. Sirius was laughing, deranged, moving back to his place by the window. Remus shook away Lily who was attempting to calm him as he looked up to Sirius, who was now leaning back against the wall, smirking, before Remus said, "And you accuse me of not trusting you."

All at once Sirius' grey eyes became predatory, a similar look that Remus had seen before although in an entirely different context, as he began to advance once again towards him. Lily moved to position herself between them, pleading, saying something that Remus couldn't make out, as Peter attempted to pull her away.

"You shall never do something like that to James again," Sirius vowed his words cold yet full of fury. Remus could only shake his head, unable to believe what Sirius was saying.

"You're mad," was all that Remus could manage in a hushed voice.

"You betrayed him," Sirius said moving to withdraw his wand. Remus was quick to follow suit, not taking his eyes off of Sirius' as he continued bitterly, "and in doing so you not only betrayed us; you betrayed yourself!"

"No!" Lily shouted, reaching out to lower both Sirius and Remus' arms. Sirius did not turn to look yet Remus turned to gaze down into Lily's pale face as she said, "This isn't the time, or the place, for this. James is in there…he's seriously hurt. The last thing he'd want is for his two best friends to be fighting. You need to stop."

"We're no longer friends; do you understand me, Remus?" Sirius was in the process of slowly lowering his wand.

"If you suspect me…" Remus trailed off, giving a desperate sob of laughter before placing his wand back inside his robes. He was shaking, though whether this was with grief or anger Remus wasn't sure as he read disgust in his friend's face; disgust he would have never believed possible from him. "If you suspect me of doing something this awful…if you truly believe that I'd be capable of not only betraying my friends but of…my god; of selling myself to Voldemort too…" Sirius' lip curled slightly at this as Remus ended, "I don't see how we can be.

"Because that's what you're saying, really, Sirius; you realise that, don't you?" Remus persisted, seeing the smallest signs of doubt appear on his friends face. Lily and Peter remained silent, almost as if they weren't there, as Remus continued, "By saying that I've aligned myself with Snape you're saying that I've aligned myself with Voldemort too. Is that what you really think?"

Sirius said nothing for a moment, the grey light framing his face. Finally, his eyebrows knitting together, he said darkly, "I can't trust you, Remus."

Remus gave a joyless smile before saying, "And I can't trust you."

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Suspicion...mistrust...can they salvage their friendship. And, if not Remus, than just _who_ has Snape been practicing Legilimency on? Read, review, and read on xxx


	89. Chapter 89

A/N: After all that has happened Remus goes to see James, blaming himself.

Disclaimer: I don't own them, so no need to sue.

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After such an eventful day it seemed odd to Remus when quietness crept across the castle, ushering in the night. He had missed dinner as he had sat, patiently waiting outside of the hospital wing, in the hope of being admitted. It seemed that Peter's hunger had got the better of him as he was the first to leave the hallway, scurrying away whilst the half-light still clung to the corners of the corridor. Lily had sat with him for much longer, hardly speaking, not daring to break the silence that seemed so comforting to them both after what had happened today. But then again, what could they say? For Remus, at least, there were no more words left; he had spent them all in his argument with Sirius. Sirius had left soon after; perhaps knowing, too, that there was nothing more to be said. As Remus sat alone in the rapidly cooling corridor, his back pressed against the carved wooden pew, he remembered watching Sirius go; shaking his head as he had walked away. 

The sound of the door opening drew Remus out of his thoughts and he looked up to see Madam Pomfrey standing before him. She smiled fondly down at him, pulling her fob watch upwards to glance at the time, before she allowed it to swing backwards to rest on her chest.

"Only one left?" she asked, wiping her hands on the front of her apron. Remus blinked up at her and nodded before slowly moving to his feet. "It is getting late. I'm surprised that any of you would have waited this long."

"If I had gone I wouldn't have been able to sleep anyway." Remus shrugged, passing a hand idly through his sandy hair before he said, "Not before I knew he was alright."

A curious smile played about Madam Pomfrey's lips as she sighed softly before beginning, "Well, it's quite unusual, you know…" For a moment Remus thought that after the hours he had spent waiting that she wouldn't allow him to see his friend. Yet as she slowly moved backwards, pushing the door open behind her as she did so, Remus realised that she was going to let him in after all. "I can't be expected to make exceptions…"

"Thank you," Remus said, feeling the sudden and strange urge to reach out to shake Madam Pomfrey's hand. She withdrew, allowing Remus enough space to move through the door, informing him in a very maternal manner that he didn't have long and that after the day they'd all had he should really already be in bed.

The swollen moon that hung low outside of the tall, leaded windows sent ghostly light in blue streaks across the high-ceilinged room. All the beds were empty save the one farthest away from Remus on the right and, as he slowly made his way towards it, he could clearly make out the form of James lying beneath the sheets. For a moment, Remus thought his friend was asleep yet as he gradually drew nearer he saw that James was lying, his head propped up by pillows, staring fixedly up at the shadows that chased themselves across the ceiling.

Without waiting for an invitation Remus pulled up a chair and sat down beside the bed. For a while James didn't acknowledge his presence yet, after a moment or two of silence had passed between them, Remus plucked up the courage to ask, "How are you feeling?"

"I'll live," was James' response as he shifted his head so that he was now looking squarely at his friend. Despite the moonlight that threw everything into silver, Remus could see that his friend was pale; his lips almost white. James gazed down at his torso and, Remus assumed, the place that the injury had been beneath, before saying, "They did a good job of healing me, Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore, though it felt really tingly for a while."

Remus nodded knowingly before saying, "It will, for a while." Silence fell once more, only broken by the sound of the sheets rustling as James moved his legs over one another.

"Where's Padfoot?" James asked. Remus shrugged, dropping his eyes to study the beads of condensation that had formed on the glass of water on the bed stand.

"I don't know. We…we argued…"

"I heard," James said, immediately regaining Remus' attention. He had moved so that light was reflecting directly off the lenses of his glasses; it made Remus uncomfortable that he couldn't see his eyes. Finally, after moving again and sending his face once more into shadow, Remus leant forward in his chair, his elbows resting on the bed as he asked, "You don't believe it do you Prongs? All that Sirius said?"

"'Course I don't," James said a little huffily. All at once Remus felt relieved; he had hated to think that Sirius wasn't alone in thinking what he did. "But he thinks it, for whatever reason, and I suppose that's what the real problem is."

"I'd never betray you, James," Remus began, his fingers forming a steeple in front of his chin. James blinked once but said nothing. "As much as I think Snape hasn't deserved what we've done to him in the past, I'd never betray anyone like that. I…I couldn't."

James nodded, staring fixedly into his friend's amber eyes before asking, "Is Lily alright?"

"She's worried about you." As Remus said this James returned to gazing at the ceiling; a little of the colour had returned to his cheeks. "We all are. Earlier…" Remus began, a little uncertain of the best way to continue; unsure of what he was going to say. "Earlier, when you got hit in the bathroom…" Remus could feel his eyes beginning to sting as he struggled to keep his eyes fixed on his friend's unmoving face. "I'm sorry I couldn't help you."

"What have you got to be sorry for?" James asked, a little confused, as he looked at his friend. Remus shrugged, his voice noticeably softer, before he continued, "For not saying or doing more. For not being able to heal you…" Remus could clearly see in his mind's eye James lying, unmoving, on the bathroom floor. "I was just reminded of something." Remus paused, his eyes focusing on James' concerned face before he ended, "of something in a dream."

James said nothing and Remus took this as an opportunity to tell him about the dream that had been worrying him for months. As Remus spoke James listened. His eyes never moved from his friend's face, although Remus found it increasingly hard to meet James' gaze. When he had finished he felt uncomfortable in the silence, knowing that James was silently processing all that had been said in his mind. Finally, after what seemed like forever, James asked the question that Remus knew he had coming.

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"I don't know," Remus muttered desperately down at the sheets. "It never seemed important enough to say anything. There always seemed to be so many other things to say." Remus looked up, his head feeling heavy as he met James' patient gaze. With one hand half covering his mouth, almost as if to obscure the words as he spoke them, Remus said rather shakily, "But today I was frightened that all the things I'd never said would come back to haunt me. And that I'd never get a chance to tell you all things that I should." Even in the vagueness of the blue and silver light Remus knew that James would be able to see that he had begun to cry. "And in a way I was right, wasn't I, to be frightened? It's because I didn't say what I meant or how I felt that Sirius suspected me. And now I've lost his friendship…and I nearly lost yours too."

"Moony…Moony, listen to me…" Although it pained him, James sat up straight, anxiously attempting to reassure his friend as he continued, "Nothing that happened today was really your fault. Okay, maybe you should say what you mean more often, but don't we all hold our tongues sometimes?" Remus sniffed hard, shaking his head to rid himself of the tears that he was rapidly wiping away. "It was Sirius' idea to confront Snape, and maybe we should have both disagreed. And it's me Snape has the problem with; not you, not even Sirius really." James relaxed back on the pillows, a little breathless from trying so desperately to move before saying firmly, "You shouldn't be blaming yourself."

Remus nodded, inhaling and exhaling deeply as he became calm once more. He leant back, away from the bed as James reached for the glass to take a sip of water.

"Why doesn't he trust me, James?" Remus asked as he watched his friend replace the glass. James sighed at this, rubbing his face wearily before saying, "I told you before that he doesn't like change and just think of how much things have changed for us this year." Remus nodded; he had only been thinking of this, days before. "He wants things to remain the same as they've always been. He doesn't like the fact that we have to grow up and do things on our own." James gave a small smile before he ended, "He thinks it means we'll grow apart."

"But then why should he take that out on me…on all of us." Remus paused before adding darkly, "It doesn't seem fair."

"Oh, it isn't fair. He wants me to spend an eternity chasing Lily without ever actually getting her. It's what he's grown used to. And, as far as you're concerned…" James paused; doubt passing across his face before he ended with a shrug, "I suppose he just wants you to stay the same dependable Moony that you've always been."

"We all have to change." Remus said.

"He knows that too and he hates the way he is sometimes. I just guess that, sometimes, he can't help being Sirius."

The blue light that had been present in the room was rapidly becoming eclipsed by the opaque night, so that when Remus looked at James, he could hardly discern his face from the shadows as he said, "I can't forgive him, Prongs, not this time."

"I don't think he'll expect you to," James said, moving to remove his glasses before sliding down in the bed. "Somehow I get the impression that he's going to think that it's up to him to forgive you."

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Tensions are mounting. Reviews and opinions are welcomed and encouraged. See you over at the next upload xxx 


	90. Chapter 90

A/N: Remus' monthly transfomartion appraoches yet the Marauder's friendship seems to be in tatters.

Disclaimer: I don't own it so don't sue.

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James had spent the next four days in the hospital wing, leaving Remus without much in the way of company to speak of. Sirius had made every effort possible to avoid him. Every morning Remus awoke to find that Sirius had already left, breakfasting earlier as to not come across him in the Great Hall. On the rare occasions that they happened to find themselves seated at the same time for lunch and dinner, Sirius ignored him; choosing to sit with Anthony Althrop and Edward Frost as he ate instead. Most of the lessons had been easy enough; the work keeping them occupied, although in Potions Sirius had imposed himself on Peter, claiming him as his partner, so that Remus had little choice but to work with Lily instead.

"He'll get over it soon," Lily said to him in an undertone. Remus shrugged, unconvinced, staring intently at the back of his friend's head as he said, "I don't think so."

In fact, without Lily, Remus knew that the past few days would have been virtually unbearable. Sirius had monopolised Peter, who seemed more than happy to take this opportunity to get close to someone he admired so much. His friends seemed to have forgotten the impending full moon, which was now only a day away; although James had a real excuse to not remember. Lily was the only one to show anything in the way of real concern and as they sat at the Gryffindor table that morning, Lily was the first person to notice just how pale Remus had gone.

"Are you sure you feel okay enough to go to lessons?" Lily asked, pouring Remus' tea for him. Remus nodded, gratefully pulling the cup and saucer towards him before taking a sip. Lily's eyes flickered up from Remus' face to over his shoulder and as he turned he found himself face to face with Eleanor.

"Hey Eleanor," Lily said in an obviously hopeful way. Eleanor acknowledged her greeting with a nod of her head before smiling briefly down at Remus and leaving to join the other Ravenclaws at their table. Remus' insides squirmed uncomfortably as he turned back around to face Lily, knowing that this was perhaps due to more than the predictable nausea that accompanied every transformation.

"So," Lily began, pointedly buttering a slice of toast in a way that suggested that she thought Remus should do the same. He didn't. "What…erm…usually happens then?"

Remus, more than a little relieved at Lily's change of subject, stifled a yawn before asking, "You mean…at certain times of the month?" Lily nodded, casting a glance around to make sure that no-one else was listening to what they were saying. At the end of the table Remus caught Sirius' eye briefly before he continued to violently shove spoonfuls of porridge in his mouth, and moodily turn the page of the copy of the _Daily Prophet_ he was reading.

"I go to the hospital wing and Madam Pomfrey escorts me across the grounds…towards the Whomping Willow…" Remus hesitated, desperately trying to ignore the dull twinge in his stomach that had been strengthening with each passing moment; silently debating with himself of whether or not this was a good time to tell Lily about his friends, and the fact that they usually accompanied him on these nights, transfigured into animals. "…And I just spend the night there…wait for my problem to go and then I get brought back to the castle."

Lily looked thoughtfully at him as he avoided her eyes. She often had a horrible way of looking at people that made Remus sure that she was trying to discern when people were telling her the truth. Maybe he should have told her but, then again, the fact that his friend's were Animagi was not his secret to tell. Besides, regardless of the way that they had all grown to trust Lily over the last year, the fact that his friends accompanied him on every full moon was a secret only known to them; not even Dumbledore knew.

Remus was almost certain that this month's transformation, however, would be different. Ever since Snape's attack on James, and his argument with Sirius, Remus had grown more certain that, for the first time since his friends had discovered the secrets of becoming Anigmai, he would have to bear his transformation alone. Peter, although technically still on speaking terms with them all, would no doubt be too afraid to be the only one to go to the Shrieking Shack; bravery had never been his strong point. And the idea of Sirius forgetting the animosity and suspicion that existed between them just to help Remus with his furry little problem was beyond laughable. And then there was James…  
"James!" Lily's voice held more than a slight tone of excitement as she looked up to see James walking towards them. For a moment, Remus forgot his worries and felt so happy to see his friend up and out of his bed; safe and sound and out of the hospital wing. Even the churning in his stomach seemed to subside as he moved along the bench to allow his friend to sit down beside him.

"Madam Pomfrey said there was no point in me staying in the hospital wing when I was well enough to leave." James reached across the table and pulled the tea pot towards him, enthusiastically spooning heapfuls of sugar into his cup; the granulated powder turning from white to brown before sinking to the bottom. "I think McGonagall wasn't too happy about all the work I've been missing…what with exams and all…"

"But you are okay? I mean, they said that you're going to be alright? What I mean is…" Lily seemed a little bit beside herself and Remus couldn't help but smile to himself as he noticed that James had gone a bit pink. "…there's no real permanent damage, is there?"

"Oh no," James said, taking a chug of tea that was too hot still and burnt his tongue. "Although I am under strict orders not to _exert_ myself…" As he said this James glanced a Remus; a look that told him that regardless of what anyone may have advised, there was no way he was going to face the full moon alone.

"Well, that's good then," Lily mumbled a lot less concerned than before, perhaps realising that she had sounded a little too concerned. The deep shade of red she had flushed seemed to suggest so, yet before James had noticed this Peter had appeared from a group of second years that had been passing and had bounded towards them.

"James…James…" he squealed, his beady eyes moving between the friends that were seated, before nervously moving to scan the room.

"Nice to see you too, Peter," was James' response as he sidled automatically along the bench. Peter glanced at the space this had created and his top lip twitched slightly before he said quietly, "No…better not…"

Remus was dumbstruck. Never before had he known Peter to not want to sit with his friends. Yet as his eyes moved to the end of the Gryffindor table it suddenly dawned on Remus why Peter was so hesitant and, stealing a glance in that direction, Remus saw that Sirius had left his seat and was moving towards them. Lily grew anxious as Sirius approached as Remus prepared himself for whatever was going to follow. Yet when Sirius reached them he seemed to ignore everyone but James as he said, "Good to see that you finally decided to attend classes again."

"Still feeling a bit peaky though," James said quietly, his face suddenly brightening as he turned to Remus and said, "Remus was just saying how he feels a bit…_under the weather_, weren't you?"

The silence was palpable as Sirius turned his grey eyes to his friend and looked not at him but through him, although he wasn't there. All of a sudden Remus felt angry; with fresh fury he once again heard Sirius' accusation in his mind: _It's you that's been helping Snape in the Room of Requirement._ How was it that Sirius could be staring at him so impassively; as if he was someone that he felt nothing but simply indifference towards; someone that he couldn't care less how he had been feeling, rather than at a friend that he had always been so willing to help in the past.

Sirius looked away and the anger Remus was feeling subsided slightly as he turned to Peter and said, "Come on. I don't want to be hanging around here all day."

"Yeah…right…right," Peter said in a grovelling way that made Remus cringe. Sirius began to walk away and Peter followed a little way behind, desperately trying to keep up with the impressive pace his friend was setting. For a moment neither of the Marauders spoke, yet Lily was shaking her head in absolute disbelief at the spot where Sirius had just been standing.

"I always thought he was a bit of an idiot but…" Lily's eyes focused on the friends once more and it seemed that whatever she was about to say was going to take a great deal of effort to concede. "I always thought that when it came to his friends..." She trailed off, looking at James who had began to awkwardly polish his glasses on his shirt. "I don't understand why he's being like this."

"I don't think any of us do," was James' curt response as he pushed his glasses back up his nose. This reply, it seemed, was not enough and Lily, still at a loss to understand, leant across the table to ask in a low voice, "You don't think…you don't think he's going to do anything stupid?"

James had moved to speak but Remus, whose temper had finally got the better of him, leapt swiftly to his feet and began, "Probably. That's what Sirius is good at, isn't it? Acting first and thinking after. But, you know what?" Remus could feel he was shaking as he shoved his books that had been open on the table back into his bag, vigorously pulling the strap over his shoulder. "After six years I just don't care whether he's going to do something stupid or not." And with that he left the Great Hall, leaving Lily and James staring after him.

He was still shaking as he climbed the Grand Staircase, yet the heat that had engulfed him as he had met Sirius' look of detachment seemed all of a sudden displaced by a chill that told him to find the nearest bathroom…and quick.

Remus pushed the door open and dashed into a cubicle, dumping his bag on the floor before leaning desperately over the toilet bowl. The swimming in his stomach suddenly subsided and after a few empty heaves Remus slouched back, sitting flat on the cold tile floor, his clammy forehead pressed against the cool wall. He didn't want to care. He wanted to believe the things he had just shouted at James and Lily; he wanted to believe the angry voice that bellowed in his ears every time he saw Sirius that he didn't want to speak to his friend ever again. Remus blinked, his vision swimming slightly as he looked down into the toilet bowl, only to glimpse the eyes of Moaning Myrtle blinking back at him before she disappeared with a wail back down the U-bend. If only he believed that it didn't matter whether Sirius ever trusted him again or not. If only he could convince himself that he didn't care.

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Will the friends be able to pull it together to be there for Remus? Read on to find out? xxx


	91. Chapter 91

A/N: Lily grows concerned for Remus as he and Eleanor argue for the first, and maybe last, time.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter so don't sue.

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After double Charms the next morning, Remus spoke to Eleanor for the first time since their conversation outside the Quidditch Pitch. He had struggled to concentrate all through the lesson, which was only mildly down to the boredom of having to revise everything that Flitwick had attempted to teach them since September. Remus had struggled to think past the way his joints had begun to ache in preparation for the way his bones would contort. All the facts and figures and wand movements felt incredibly stale and by the time that the first hour of the lesson had passed, most of the pupils were struggling to stay awake. Remus had started out of his feverish doze with a start as Sirius had entered the lesson twenty minutes late, flippantly ignoring Flitwick's reprimands, and sitting down in the seat that Peter had saved beside him. For the remainder of the lesson Remus struggled to walk the line between alertness and composure, every now and again picking up on some sycophantic comment of Peter's that made his skin crawl. In fact, he had been so distracted that he had not noticed the way that Eleanor had been desperately trying to catch his eye. He hadn't heard her ask him how he was as they had filed past Flitwick's desk on the way out to collect their marked essays; and it wasn't until Remus had left the classroom that he noticed Eleanor calling after him.

"Are you ignoring me?" she asked, a little flustered; strands of blonde hair flying out of her plait and in front of her eyes.

"What?" Remus said, perhaps a bit more impatiently than he had meant to. "No…no…I've just had a lot of things on my mind, that's all."

"Is it true then?" Eleanor asked a little conspiratorially, moving to one side to allow more pupils to leave the classroom, comparing marks. Remus shrugged, at a loss to understand, before Eleanor pressed on, "It's all round the school. You, James, Sirius confronting Snape in that bathroom…apparently Moaning Myrtle heard most of what was going on and hasn't stopped jabbering about it since…and Marion Wildeblood overhead the Grey Lady telling Nearly Headless Nick that…"

"You know I'd expected you not to be so interested in gossip," Remus definitely snapped at her this time.

Eleanor looked taken aback, a little hurt by Remus' tone as she said murkily, "I'm not. I was just wondering…and worried. I thought you might have been hurt too."

"You've seen me at mealtimes and in lessons. You knew I wasn't in the hospital wing. You're just…" Eventually Remus managed to stop himself from talking, realising that the words he was saying were hurting her. He shook his head; his back aching as his bag felt heavier than usual as he pulled it over his shoulder with the words, "It doesn't matter. Just forget about it…"

"No, I'm sorry, but I can't!" It seemed that Eleanor was rapidly loosing her temper. Remus had only seen Eleanor loose her temper once before and that had been the day that they had argued by the lake and, moments after that, he had kissed her. But, by the look on Eleanor's face now, Remus was certain that today's disagreement wasn't going to end like that. Eleanor pursed her lips, moving back into an alcove in attempt to make their conversation a little more private, and as he followed her she continued, "You've been off with me for ages…ever since that day after Quidditch Practice and don't try to deny it."

Remus laughed at this, he couldn't help it.

"You've been ignoring me too," was his response as he said this he could tell by the look on Eleanor's face that she had no answer to this.

"I just…I didn't know what to say," Eleanor said eventually in more controlled tones than before. She sighed, frustrated, pushing the flyaway hair from her flushed face. "You can't just say something like that…in the way you said it and not give me time to think."

"I have given you time…I mean I did but…" All of a sudden Remus heard with fresh pain what Eleanor had said in response to his unexpected declaration _I'm not sure. I need time to think. I just wouldn't want to say anything I didn't mean._ Remus' brow furrowed as he said sourly, "I was just hurt. You seemed ever so keen to get back to the castle and not respond to what I had to say."

"What did you expect?" Eleanor asked, perhaps a little angrier than she had a right to be, and a million and one responses Remus had wanted to hear instead paraded through his mind.

"Please, Eleanor," Remus sounded a little desperate as he felt the ache in his back slowly seep towards his other joints. The end of the day was drawing nearer and, even though he couldn't see it, the werewolf that was lurking just beneath the surface could tell that the full moon was beginning to rise. "Please, can we do this some other time?"

"Would you let me know when that might be?" Eleanor said her voice infused with a sarcasm that shocked him. Her blue eyes had narrowed cruelly as she continued, "Is this before or after you let your friends walk all over you?"

"I don't want to listen to this now," Remus said, preparing himself to leave the alcove. Eleanor's hand shot out, preventing him from moving, as she pulled him back round to face her as she said, "That's what they do, Remus. And yet you tell the truth to them and lie to me."

"Lie to you?!" Remus felt incredulous; more wounded than he had felt was possible after the week he'd had. He yanked his arm away from her grasp with a movement that was so swift it made Eleanor teeter off balance. She seemed uncertain as she nodded and Remus, perhaps feeling the pull of the moon too strongly, could barely contain himself as he snapped, "You want the truth, do you? You want to know that the reason I've been distant this week is not really because I've been ignoring you. You _did_ hurt me when you didn't respond to what I said, but I haven't really had a chance to think about it since. You see, I've lost one friend this week and I nearly lost another. So, to be quite honest, I've had more important things to think about than you."

"Remus, I…" Eleanor tried to interrupt. But Remus seemed beyond reason; he had lost a part of him that had, in the past, had wanted to please everyone. He had forgotten the desire he had once had to be liked and to be looked up to. Taking a step backwards and nearly knocking into Lily, who had been hovering, just a little way off, in deep conversation with James, Remus said in a voice that most of the school would have been surprised that it was coming from him, "I don't want to hear it. You say that you don't like my friends because they're arrogant; because they have misconceptions about others that sometimes turn out to be wrong. But you can be just as judgemental and until you realise that you can't just expect me to set aside my friends for you, I don't think it's a good idea for you to speak to me."

Remus could see how upset Eleanor was as he turned away from her, yet his blood was boiling and his vision seemed clouded by an anger that he simply couldn't shift. It wasn't unusual for him to feel the affects of the full moon so early on in the day. It had happened before; he had grown unpredictable and lost his temper, driven by the feelings he always managed to repress at other times of the month. Perhaps it was simply because of everything that had happened recently; perhaps it was the blood lust of the beast within manifesting itself in anger but, whatever it was, it made Remus tremble almost uncontrollably as he snapped at Lily and James through the heat, "I don't want to talk about it."

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Is Remus being unreasonable? Should he just tell Eleanor the truth? Read, review and let me know what you think xxx


	92. Chapter 92

A/N: The night of the transformation is upon them. Could Sirius be about to make a HUGE mistake?

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, so there is no need to sue.

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"So you'll be alright?" Lily mumbled out of the corner of her mouth as they came to a halt outside of the hospital wing. Lessons had finished over an hour ago and dinner was due to be served at any moment. Just like every evening before his transformation, Remus couldn't find it in himself to eat. Remus nodded, knowing that anything else he possibly responded with would be a complete lie. Lily was clearly concerned, dithering in the corridor, unwilling to leave Remus alone. Yet the daylight was rapidly draining from the castle; the tentative pink light of the early evening giving way to the harsh purpleness of night, and even Lily had the presence of mind to realise that her reluctance was in many ways dangerous, so it was with a heavy heart that she gave a small nod to Remus before moving away.

For a moment Remus stood motionless, recalling through the fever of his mind the argument that he and Sirius had had on this very spot, only days before. As his eyes moved from the floor that was patched with pattern and sunlight, to the tall windows and the landscape beyond, Remus recalled the way that Sirius had stood there and told him that they could no longer be friends; that he could no longer trust him. Outside Remus could clearly see the moon, translucent against the sky, and inside he shivered. Yet before he had time to reflect further on the argument the door to the hospital wing had creaked open, and Madam Pomfrey had appeared.

At first she had asked a few questions about James as they had moved, more slowly than usual, across the grounds. In a strained voice Remus had told her that James was fine, although even he didn't know that for sure. As they moved further away from the long shadows of the castle, along the path that lead towards the Whomping Willow, Remus thought to himself how James would just be the kind of person to play down his injury in order for Remus to not be alone tonight. Despite how reckless this was, Remus couldn't help but feel slightly comforted by this, as he felt Madam Pomfrey slip her arm through his, steering him towards the intimidating tree.

"Will you be alright on your own from here?" Madam Pomfrey asked, a little hopefully, as she stole a glance up to the comforting silhouette of the castle. Remus nodded and managed a grimace of a smile before she left, in a rustle, to tread the gleaming path that cut its way through the darkness of the grounds. Remus turned his back on the turrets and pinpricked golden lights of windows, closing his eyes and inhaling slowly in order to settle his stomach. Yet his nausea had clearly progressed beyond repression, and Remus knew as he reached out to still the battering branches, that he wouldn't have long to make his way along the tunnel and up into the Shrieking Shack.

The ground of the tunnel was lose and everywhere that Remus touched to steady himself crumbled into a fine dust between his fingers. The lack of rain was taking its toll on the land and Remus noticed, abstractedly, that the roots of the tree above had begun to encroach on the tunnel in a desperate attempt to find water.

Water - suddenly Remus' lips felt dry. With every breath he took it seemed he inhaled the fine silt that seemed to by flying up as he shuffled ever forwards. He wanted to reach the Shrieking Shack; to have one of his friends press a glass of water to his mouth and urge him to drink. Yet at the same time he was reluctant; he was hanging back, perhaps fearing that as he reached up and tried to push the trap door open, he'd find that none of his friends would be there.

Eventually Remus halted, his limbs protesting as he reached up and tried to push the trap door open on his own. But the weight was too much for his aching body and, with one final, desperate heave Remus dropped his hands heavily by his sides, and stood panting in the arid darkness. Suddenly a bluish light poured down from overhead and, squinting upwards, Remus had never been so happy to see the face of Peter peering down at him.

"You'll…you'll have to help me Wormtail," Remus managed breathlessly, holding up both his hands for Peter to take. Yet Peter did not have the physical strength of James or Sirius so that as he tried to yank his friend upwards, Remus could feel the straining in his shoulders become greater with every fruitless pull. Finally, after Remus had managed to get a little footing on the wall, digging the toes of his shoes into the side of the tunnel, he had scrambled up, leaving Peter red-faced and wheezing.

"James isn't here," Peter said and, by the way his voice was shaking, it was clear that he was scared. Remus was hardly listening as he staggered, unaided to the bed; sorely feeling the loss of his two stronger friends help as he began to, very clumsily, unbutton his shirt. Peter was retreating into the corner of the room, his watery eyes fixed on Remus, who had suddenly buckled over in pain and was clutching desperately at his sides. "I d…don't know if I can do this on my own."

"There's no-one else," Remus groaned through gritted teeth, throwing his shirt to one side and moving to unbutton his fly. Yet before he could remove them the sharp pain had returned, bursting from his chest and hurtling through the rest of his body so that he lunged forwards, pulling the dusty, tattered sheets towards him.

"B…but…Sirius…" Peter was stammering now, showing little signs of moving forwards to help his friend; his face pale though shrouded in shadow. "He wouldn't just leave you. He wouldn't forget…"

Remus wanted to say something in response to this but the pain of the moon was becoming unbearable, so he could do little more than slide down on the floor and bury his head in his hands. His mind was pounding, altering under the influence so that as he tried to focus his eyes on the corner of the room where his friend was standing, he found Peter's face unrecognisable to the wolf he was swiftly becoming.

White light was flooding the room through the splintered windows and as the tendrils of the moon touched him, Remus' mind plummeted into oblivion. He forgot the fear of being accompanied by Peter, who had already transfigured and was darting nervously about the room in rat form. All at once Remus was pushed over the edge; forgetting the boy and embracing the animal that had already transformed his mind. His body was following close behind, the fabric of his trousers ripped as his legs contorted and stretched; his other limbs not far behind. Remus dug his nails into the floorboards and as they changed into claws, he pulled back, pulling ten strips of wood with him, which he flung across the room.

Suddenly a frightened squeak caught the werewolf's attention and as it saw the rat dart across the room in front of him, its sight fixed on the trap door that had yet to be closed. At last freedom, the werewolf thought, its mind all of a sudden liberated from the constraints of the Shrieking Shack. Beyond the tunnel, beyond the ground lay the castle with a million victims passively waiting to be taken; a thousand throats waiting to be slit. Already the werewolf was hungry for it; could feel the warmth and sweetness of the blood as it burst from the wound and down his throat, sedating him. With little thought of anything apart from the frenzy of the kill, the werewolf threw itself forward, skidding with excitement across the floor and down into the tunnel.

It was dark and it took time for the werewolf's yellow eyes to become used to the change in light. Above, the rat was squeaking desperately and in frustration the werewolf snapped in its direction, causing it to dart away, hidden in the room. Yet a sound at the end of the tunnel caused the werewolf to flatten its ears and to turn, its yellow eyes seeking out the cause in the darkness.

A weak silver light had appeared at the end of the tunnel and, in this, the werewolf could clearly make out a living, breathing form staring palely back at him. The werewolf could smell the life pulsing through figure, almost taste the mingled sweat and clammy fear that was seeping from its pores and, with a hunger than was unquantifiable, the werewolf arched its back before racing towards the light. Dust descended in a mist all around and through this, as the werewolf drew nearer, it could see that the face was vaguely recognisable; the person at the end of the tunnel was someone that it knew. Yet before it had reached its victim the boy had been pulled out of sight as though by someone else and, in place of the petrified, pallid face, a large, shaggy black dog had appeared.

The werewolf halted, furious at the loss of its prey, before fixing its murderous eyes on the dog before it. The dog was not retreating; indeed, it seemed to the werewolf that it was barring its way. The werewolf prepared itself to bite yet, before it could, the dog had barked, piercing the night with a singular, reprimanding noise. At once the werewolf froze; yellow eyes catching grey as the dog stared, almost impassively, back at him. All at once the blood lust appeared lessened; the violent pursuit of the kill had lost its thrill as, very slowly, the dog began to move towards it in order to back it up the tunnel. The werewolf complied, moving backwards, sidling away from the grey light and retreating once more up into the Shrieking Shack.

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A dusky pink light fought its way through the clouds to illuminate the dusty room that seemed all at once eerily quiet. In fact, an anxious silence had descended that was only broken by the hopeful chirping of the birds outside that were merrily greeting the dawn. Remus laid, huddled and naked, in the corner of the room, knees drawn up to his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around them. He was shivering; his eyes unmoving from the patch of light that meant the wolf was gone and he had returned; he was once again master of his own mind. Yet today was unlike any other day after his transformation. He felt an uneasiness; a fear he had never known before that caused him to flinch away as he heard someone approaching to wrap a blanket about his shoulders.

James was staring down at him, one hand resting on his shoulder as if to comfort his friend. Yet neither the sunlight, nor the warmth of the blanket or of James' touch could comfort Remus, and he was beyond all condolence as he looked up into his friend's face and said, "I nearly killed someone last night, James. I nearly killed Snape."

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That's all until tommorow, but we haven't got many chapters left to go. Let me know what you're thinking and whether or not I'm still doing a good job. Enjoy xxx


	93. Chapter 93

A/N: Once again, thank you for reading and reviewing. It was such a great investment of time and energy to write this and I did really enjoy it, however, it means so much more to have others enjoy what I've written as well.

I have also done something that I thought I wasn't going to do - I have started writing something else. Who knows what sort of shape that will take, especially after reading Deathly Hallows, it might turn into something very different. Either way, it's very exciting!

Anyway, back to the task of updating. Remus has to deal with the consequences of Sirius' prank.

Thank you to Meg and Rosie. They know what for.

Disclaimer: I don't own them so there is no need to sue!

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Madam Pomfrey had not fussed for long on his return; ascertaining very quickly the extent of his injuries before allowing him to rest. She had opened a window before she had left in an attempt to cool the room, but as Remus lay flat on his back in the muggy stillness, the weakened wind from the world outside did little but throw distant voices towards him. Remus imagined the lessons that were going on around him; students oblivious to where he was or what he had come so close to doing last night. As he closed his eyes and sighed desperately, trying to will himself into some form of sleep, the image of Snape's face appeared, floating back from the murky depths of the mind to take form at the end of the tunnel below the Whomping Willow.

Whether or not Remus fell asleep then he wasn't sure; it was either a vivid dream or hallucination that caused him to think that he was running towards Snape once again. All around the dust was tumbling and, unlike the way that he had felt last night, when the murderous thoughts of the werewolf had taken over, Remus heard a small voice in his head saying, "Stop it! Don't do this! You'll kill him."

"But you want to, don't you Remus?" Another voice clearly uttered; a voice more chilling and harsh than before. Remus had tried to pull back, to move his eyes from the sallow face of fear, and he heard the battle within himself continue, "I don't want to hurt anybody!" Yet it seemed that his actions had lost all reason and soon he would be upon Snape and he felt the way he was reaching out, as if to pull Snape towards him.

Two hands on Remus' shoulders caused him to start, his eyes shooting open, unable to focus for a while. He was sweating; the sheets were stuck to him and as blinked once or twice to rid himself of his waking nightmare he saw the face of Dumbledore looking, concerned, back. At once Remus swallowed hard, relaxing back into the bed, glad to know that what he had been picturing in his mind hadn't been real. Dumbledore, after watching Remus carefully for a moment, removed his hands and, moved to the bed stand to pour Remus a glass of water; he turned very slowly back around before silently handing over the glass. Remus took it and gratefully gulped down the contents, wiping first his mouth and then his forehead with the back of his hand, before drying it on the sheet. Even though there was a seat pulled up beside the bed, Dumbledore looked reluctant to sit and, after a moment or two of waiting for Remus to fully catch his breath, he hesitated before beginning, "If I remember correctly I believed I asked you, and all your friends, to tell me if anything untoward was happening at Hogwarts?"

"Yes sir," came Remus' dry mouthed reply. Dumbledore's face greyed and as he readjusted his glasses where they were perched on his nose, he looked a little angry as he continued, "It would a seem that a great many things have been happening that I have not been aware of; things that, if I had been told, may have prevented the unfortunate incident that transpired last night."

"I…" Words failed Remus as he struggled to hold Dumbledore's penetrative stare. "I'll understand if you want me to leave, sir. I know I can't really be expected to be allowed to stay."

At once the expression on Dumbledore's face changed from angry to sympathetic and, as he relinquished his pacing to finally take the seat beside the bed, flipping up the back of his long, green robes as he did so, he said, "You shall not be expected to leave, Remus. Not if I have anything to do with it."

Remus was at a loss for words. He had been certain that, after so nearly attacking Snape, there would be little chance of him being able to stay at Hogwarts. And yet here Dumbledore was, telling him that he could stay.

"I don't understand…" Dumbledore raised a hand to prevent Remus from saying anything further.

He cast a slow look from empty bed to empty bed in the hospital wing, his eyes settling on Remus once more before he began, "I knew when I accepted you to Hogwarts that I was making an unpopular, and possibly dangerous, decision. However, it was my firm belief from the moment I met both you and your parents that I was doing the right thing; that you deserved a chance. You have never, before this, failed to prove me right in my judgment and, even now, such circumstances can hardly be viewed as being entirely in your control."

"But I could have killed him! You don't understand…" Remus was still feeling slightly feverish, which was clearly coming across in his words. "Snape could have died…or become what I am, and it would have been all my fault!"

Dumbledore relaxed back in his chair, scratching his chin absent-mindedly for a moment, sending his silvery beard swishing from side to side. Then, after what felt like an eternity of silence, Dumbledore leant forward slightly before saying; "Someone would have had to have told Snape where to find you and how to still the Whomping Willow. These things, at least, could not have been prevented by you."

Remus' stomach dropped and he found himself unable to ask the question that he wanted to. Dumbledore, however, seemed to already know what Remus was going to ask, and had pressed on, "Sirius came to me almost immediately after last night's event to confess to me what happened. He told me how he had tricked Severus into going down to the Whomping Willow; told me how your friend James had already found out and was going, almost at that very moment, to stop him."

Although there were a million things that Remus wanted to say he simply couldn't speak.

"Severus was lucky that James was there to pull him back. And so was Sirius. I fear that if James hadn't been so swift to act, there would have been little that anyone could have done to stop what might have happened." Remus swallowed hard. Dumbledore's gaze was unwavering; his eyes remained fixed on Remus' face as he continued, "Severus was taken to the hospital wing and examined by Madam Pomfrey and, asides from a few minor scratches from the Whomping Willow, he was mainly unscathed. His fear and his anger, however, were a different matter entirely." Remus was hardly daring to blink, as if this alone would stop Dumbledore from talking.

"After having spoken to both Sirius and Severus it became clear that what had happened was provoked by a long-standing animosity. Indeed, it appears that Sirius' ill thought-out trick was provoked by the attack on James, which it is now known that Snape was behind. What remains unclear, to me at least," Dumbledore hesitated, his hands folded neatly in his lap. "…is why Sirius should involve you in such a malicious act of vengeance?"

Remus knew that this was his cue to speak, although he found he couldn't say what he knew Dumbledore wanted to hear. Dumbledore wanted answers, and yet Remus had none. He would not have thought this possible; it was unthinkable that Sirius should have betrayed him and revealed his secret to their enemy. Yet the deed was done and, although in many ways each of them could be viewed as responsible, it was Sirius that was behind it all.

"Is…erm…" Remus paused and cleared his throat, apologising before continuing to ask, "Is Sirius going to be expelled?"

Dumbledore's face darkened and he glanced furtively out of the open window and at the sky above. Although the sun was bright, dark clouds had begun to gather, holding the eternal promise of rain. When Dumbledore began to speak next it was only half to Remus; his eyes remained fixed on the sky as he said, "Life is made of insignificant details punctuated with catastrophe. A man shows his true measure when faced with such moments." Dumbledore turned from the window to face Remus once more as he continued, "I believe in second chances, Remus. I believe that through forgiveness true loyalty can be discovered." A small smile pulled on the corners of his mouth. "I believe that Sirius has perhaps, until now, not fully understood his true nature and that, having been faced with a dangerous mistake, is now able to realise what he couldn't before. I have faith that when your friend came to me last night and told me what he had done that he was truly sorry and honestly concerned for not only yours, but for Severus' safety. Neither you, nor Severus, nor Sirius shall be expelled for what happened last night."

"But Snape knows…" Remus said in a small voice, uncertain. Dumbledore's keen, blue eyes were still fixed upon him. "Snape knows and it won't matter if you expel me or not. Word will get out and soon enough the whole school will know that there is a werewolf at Hogwarts and I'll have to leave anyway."

Very slowly, Dumbledore shook his head.

"I have Severus' word that he shall keep what he learnt last night to himself. I have faith that your position here at Hogwarts shall remain secure."

"But, sir…." Dumbledore's blue eyes narrowed which was enough to tell Remus that he should stop talking. Once again silence descended over the hospital wing and, as Dumbledore rose to his feet, only the soft hush of robes across the floor broke the stillness.

"Now, I am under strict orders from Madam Pomfrey that you are to remain here until tomorrow, so that she can keep a proper eye on you. All of your friends, I assure you, are perfectly fine and, asides from the detentions both Severus and Sirius will find themselves attending for the rest of the year, things shall return, relatively, to normal."

"Sir?" Remus posed as a question. Dumbledore hesitated in front of the large doors and turned, raising an eyebrow, waiting for Remus to speak. "Why…so…so I'm not going to have to leave, then?"

A kind-hearted smile spread across Dumbledore's face and, as he pulled on the door to open it, he said, "It was something I never even considered."

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Dumbledore is truly legendary. Opinions and reviews strongly encouraged. Let me know what you think xxx


	94. Chapter 94

A/N: Back to the present and, as Remus begins to understand the true nature of his grief, the mystery of the tin from the fireplace begins to be revealed.

Disclaimer: I own this story but Harry Potter belongs to J.K.Rowling. No need to sue!

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There had been a time when Remus had been happy with the prospect of returning home; home to Grimmauld Place. It had been a home to him in the brief months he had inhabited it the previous year; a home, Remus assumed, that it had never proven to be to its owner. As Remus turns away from the heavily bolted front door, which he feels he has been staring at since he had closed it after Tonks, back around to face the dingy darkness of the entrance hall, Remus realises now why it had always been so depressing for him to be here alone, with no-one but Buckbeak and Kreacher for company. He feels all of a sudden guilty for not being more sympathetic; more understanding of his surliness. He, like others, had grown impatient at it all. Yet now he knew what it was like to spend time alone here. Rattling around with no real company to speak of, asides for the fleeting meetings of the Order; accompanied only by the portrait's well chosen screams of insults. Perhaps it was understandable why he had grown so restless and so reckless?

No, Remus suddenly reprimands himself as he begins to climb the stairs, his eyes moving over the house-elves heads on plaques; to understand would be to accept what happened and, despite the rationality that usually claimed precedence over Remus' feelings, he understands that he is not ready to accept what has happened. As he reaches the first floor landing he thinks of how restlessness had nothing to do with it; many others would have not acted as he had acted; done what he did in order to risk life and limb for something which could have just have easily have been handled without him. Yet he had never been the type of person to take things lying down a voice inside Remus' head is screaming; that wasn't his way at all.

He was bitter; Remus knew this. It was now as predictable a part of his grief as the insomnia that was threatening to make his contributions to the Order virtually worthless. Dumbledore was sympathetic; he seemed to understand that Remus needed time and yet time was something that Remus knew was too valuable to be wasted. There was important work to be done in the fight against Voldemort; he did not have the luxury to spend his days skulking around in the darkness in Grimmauld Place.

And yet here you are, Remus thinks to himself, returning to the room he had vacated only to allow Tonks in, his eyes fixing on the firelight that had begun to ebb away from the grate. Here you are, wallowing in a way he'd be ashamed of, indulging in memories that mean nothing to those who are not alive to feel as you do. It is harder than Remus realised it would be in the month, that seemed to stretch like a year, after it had immediately happened. Then it had been a blissful sort of numbness that had driven him; the need to get things done, the need to be there for Harry. For Harry's loss was greater than Remus' and it is this that causes his stomach to swim with a guilt that is unquenchable as he sits once more on the dusty bed. In many irrational ways, Remus thinks he has less right to grieve.

At this thought Remus closes his eyes, blindly reaching out to his left to pull the open tin towards him; the tin he had found hidden at the back of the blank fireplace and had ignored until this moment. Tonks' visit had proved a distraction; a distraction from that which Remus knew he must face. His fingers prickled uncomfortably as he felt for the envelope within, pulling it out from the place it must have been hidden, years ago and drawing it into his lap. For a moment Remus wills himself to keep his eyes closed; to not open them and read the address clearly; an address he had only glimpsed before. Yet his will-power fades and he opens his eyes to read the first line of the address, a name written in a distantly familiar hand: _Sirius Black_.

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What can it be and what does it mean? Keep reading to find out xxx


	95. Chapter 95

A/N: We return to the past. Sirius has been thinking of inventive ways to apologise and Lily realises that maybe she has been wrong about James all along.

Disclaimer: J.K.Rowling is the genius that created Harry Potter. I didn't. No need to sue.

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Although lessons had finished for the day Remus found it impossible to draw his attention away from work. The end of term was drawing ever nearer and as he slumped down at the desk beneath the window in the Gryffindor common room, with a heavy sigh he pulled a number of books and rolls of parchment from out of his bag. Despite the fact that most of the students in the school were now predominately concerned with revision, it seemed that the teachers showed little concern for this when setting homework. With a heavy heart, Remus glanced down at the note he had written to himself earlier that afternoon, listing the homework he had to do in order of priority. He had two essays and a number of star charts to complete for Astronomy, all of which were due in the next day. So, after glancing fleetingly around the common room and realising that there was no-one there whom he could distract himself with, he wiggled his shoulders to loosen them before dipping his quill in the ink.

Remus had no sooner written the title _Outline the difficulties of re-potting Snapping Ragwort _than a sharp whizzing noise distracted him, causing him to look upwards in the direction that those few gathered in the common room had already done. Carefully positioned above Remus' head, half tacked to the ceiling, were what appeared to be five or six fist sized balls that had, almost as soon as Remus had sat down, started rotating. It was this movement that was causing the noise and Remus watched as the balls seemed to unscrew themselves from where they stuck to the ceiling, before hurtling towards him at great speed. In the nick of time Remus darted away, knocking his chair sideways as all at once the balls smashed soundlessly on the desk, shards of colour splintering, each revealing a miniscule note that had been hidden inside. The few people in the common room that had been watching began muttering to each other under their breath as Remus stood up, dusting down his robes and clearing his throat as he ambled cautiously over to the desk. The splinters of colour had dissolved leaving nothing but a fine, silvery residue. Remus picked up one of the tiny scrolls of parchment, breaking the seal and unfurling it between his fingers to read: _You know I'm Siriusly sorry_.

Remus could tell without hearing what the other students must have been saying as he swiftly swept the remaining notes towards him, before striding purposefully across the room to throw them out of the window. By now it was common knowledge to not only most of the Gryffindors, but to many of the other students that had the presence of mind to notice, that Remus and Sirius were not on speaking terms. The fact that Sirius had bombarded Remus for the past two weeks with a number of very public apologies was enough to make anyone aware.

As ingenious as Remus had begrudgingly conceded that many of them were, he couldn't help but feel that every apology became more meaningless than the last. Already today had Remus had to ignore the way his goblet of morning pumpkin juice had hiccupped gurgling apologies at him. In Transfiguration that morning McGonagall had thrown him an odd look as he had opened his text book to find that he had inadvertently opened yet another of Sirius' cards, which began chanting loudly so the whole class could hear: _I'm sorry to have upset you, I'll say it every day. I'm not that bad, you can't stay mad, I won't just go away!_ After Remus had eventually managed to slam his book closed, McGonagall had glanced at Sirius, who was not laughing as she had perhaps expected him to be, but staring intently down at the desk.

Lily had appeared some time ago through the portrait hole and sat down beside Remus, asking something about the Astronomy homework that he couldn't quite hear. Remus shrugged, not really listening, before he saw that Lily had peeled one of Sirius' notes from off of her elbow, glancing at it swiftly enough to read it's message, before asking, "Another apology?"

Remus pulled a book towards him entitled _Potty Potting Problems_ and opened it to the contents page before mumbling, "It won't work."

Lily made a thinking noise before leaning back in the chair and beginning very cautiously, "But it's not like he's not trying, is it? I mean, anyone with half a brain can see that he _is_ really sorry."

"And anyone with half a brain would be able to realise that it's going to take more than few clever spells to convince me that he's changed. That he really understands what he's done." Remus raised his eyes from the page before him and said to Lily in a way that made her certain how determined he was, "I can't forgive him. Not yet."

For a moment Lily appeared more than happy with his response, however, no more than a few seconds had passed before she had nervously cleared her throat before persisting, "But surely…if you just spoke to him you'd understand…"

"I've spoken to him," was Remus' short and very controlled response. It was true, Remus thought to himself; for two weeks he had very politely said "Good morning" and "Good night" to Sirius. He felt no particular desire to extend their conversation - at the moment at least - beyond that. Then suddenly a thought struck Remus that hadn't really occurred to him before and he asked, "Why is it that you care so much? You haven't exactly been Sirius' biggest fan in the past."

Lily gave a little shrug, a small crease appearing in between her eyebrows before she said, "I know but I've been thinking…and talking to him lately and I really think…Look, I think that we may have got each other very wrong in the past."

"So he's told you then?" Remus asked, allowing his quill to hover above his parchment mid-sentence, resting back into his chair and folding his hands gently in his lap. "He's explained to you what happened? Why he did what he did?"

"Not really," Lily said, her eyebrows arching before turning to look at the small cluster of Gryffindors on the opposite side of the room. They were all too interested in the game of Gobstones going on to pay particular interest to what they were talking about. "Why don't you tell me?"

This wasn't what Remus had expected her to say. He couldn't speak for a moment yet, feeling as though Lily was not going to rest until he had explained exactly what had happened, Remus took a deep breath, glanced warily over to the other students, and embarked on his explanation. It was hard to relive exactly what had happened; how no-one had been there to help him in the Shrieking Shack asides from Peter; how he had transformed without much in the way of help, only to then escape from the room he should have been confined in. He found he couldn't meet Lily's eyes as he described how he had seen a silhouette at the end of the tunnel; how he had advanced towards it, hardly knowing it was Snape, before he had seen him being pulled away. It was only when Remus reached this point in his story that he stopped talking, realising how little sense this must be making to Lily and he looked up, half-expecting her to be looking at him, confused.

Lily was deep in thought; her green eyes dark as she stared at Remus' face. He was waiting for her to speak; waiting for her to ask questions yet by the look on her face Remus was certain that she was not as lost in thought as she appeared.

"Why didn't you tell me that they came with you?" Lily sounded almost a little hurt at the lack of trust and Remus shrugged before saying, "It wasn't my place to tell."

Lily nodded, accepting this, before pulling her chair closer towards his, inclining her head to whisper, "How do they do it?"

"W…what do you mean?" Remus asked, faltering. Lily half rolled her eyes.

"Come on, Remus. You've told me this much so far. You might as well tell me the rest."

Lily was right; Remus couldn't deny this. He had confided in her more than anyone outside of the Marauders. Perhaps there were occasions when he even told her more. After taking a deep breath Remus hardly hesitated before saying in a voice barely above a whisper, "They're Animagi. When they found out what I was they wanted to help – wanted to be with me. So they taught themselves how to become Animagi and every full moon since then they've stayed with me."

Far from looking particularly surprised, Lily looked impressed.

"But that's extremely complicated magic! It's not something that would have been easy to learn. How could they…?"

Lily paused, blushing, and Remus couldn't suppress the smile as he said "I suppose they're cleverer than you give them credit for."

Lily gave a small scoff of laughter before asking, curious, "So…what is it they turn into?"

"Peter's a rat; Sirius, a dog and James is a stag."

A glimmer of realisation dawned in Lily's eyes as she continued in lower tones, "Of course! It makes so much sense now. Your nicknames for each other…I would never have guessed."

Remus remained silent, allowing her enough time to fully process all that he had just told her. Finally, happy with everything that had been said so far, another question darkened Lily's features and she pushed her hair behind her ears as she said earnestly, "But you didn't hurt anyone, did you? You didn't hurt him?"

Remus shook his head and once again saw the pallid face of Snape being pulled away from the patch of grey light. "But I would have," Remus' voice was low as he once again found a sudden interest in the partial essay he had written. "If Sirius hadn't turned up at the last minute…and if James hadn't pulled Snape away, I would have killed him or…or worse…"

"It was James?" Lily asked, her brow furrowed, and she nodded very slowly as she continued to speak, almost as if Remus had got his facts wrong. "It was James that pulled Sever…Snape away?"

Remus nodded. "I thought you knew…"

Lily shook her head, relaxing back into her chair, a strange comprehension on her face. "James found out what Sirius had done and went down to the Willow to stop it. Sirius confessed to Dumbledore and, I suppose, managed to get down to the Willow without being seen to try and stop it too."

Clearing her throat, the curious look from her face vanishing, Lily seemed more intent than ever to heal the rift between the friends as she continued, "Then surely that is enough to show you that he regrets it? He wanted to stop it as soon as he realised what he'd done."

Remus was sadly shaking his head, preparing to turn his attention back to his essay, as he said quietly, "He doesn't understand what he's done. His apologies are enough to see that. I think…I think that he _does_ regret it but until he makes me believe that he recognises what he's done, I won't be forgiving him…however easy it would be."

Lily conceded defeat and, after reading the first paragraph of Remus' Herbology essay and pointing out a few mistakes he had made, she rose to take her leave. She had nearly reached the portrait hole before Remus' curiosity got the better of him, and he shifted in his seat and called after her, "Is he sorry?"

The group of Gryffindors that had been playing Gobstones all looked up, listening as one, interested in what Lily had to say. Lily had hesitated, one foot out of the hole.

"Yes, he is."

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Is Lily experiencing a change of heart? Reviews and opinions hearilt encouraged. I love knowing how you think I'm doing xxx


	96. Chapter 96

A/N: As the end of the Marauder's sixth year at Hogwarts comes to a close, exams and the Quidditch final looms. Will Sirius ever be able to convince Remus that he should forgive him?

Disclaimer: I don't own them so there is no need to sue!

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July had arrived without Remus noticing, and so had the summer exams. Despite the fact that these exams would not be nearly as important as the O.W.L's they had sat the previous summer, or the N.E.W.T's that loomed ever closer at the end of the seventh year, many people were feeling the pressure nonetheless. Peter, who had never been one for exams, had spent hours either in the library or shuffling closely behind Remus, asking him to test him as he chewed absently on his bottom lip before giving the wrong answer. Lily had joined Remus in revising on nearly every spare occasion, not missing these opportunities to encourage Remus to forgive and forget. Yet this topic made Peter uncomfortable; he would squeak nervously whenever Lily said Sirius' name and that, coupled with Remus' determination, made their conversations on the subject short-lived.

At first Remus had gone out of his way to not spend a lot of time with Sirius. He had avoided any form of direct conversation at meal times; leaving James and Peter to fill the long silences that stretched out between them. Sirius never mentioned the many inventive apologies he kept springing on an unsuspecting Remus, perhaps thinking that, eventually, they would speak for themselves. Yet now no avoidance was necessary; long Quidditch practices had taken up whatever time James and Sirius had to spare outside lessons and revision sessions, in preparation for the final with Ravenclaw in three weeks time. They were hardly in each others' company any more, which made the fact that they weren't on speaking terms much easier.

Remus was trying not to think about the Quidditch final, although as time dragged on towards the inevitable date that had been set, he found it hard to ignore the excited chatter on the subject that was coming from either house. Ravenclaw were odds on favourites to win, but only just. It seemed that, despite the performance in the re-match against Slytherin, even many of the Gryffindors didn't believe that the temperamental team had truly redeemed itself. However, it was not Sirius' unpredictable behaviour that made Remus want to ignore the fact that the final was drawing ever closer. If he was honest with himself it had much more to do with a certain Ravenclaw Chaser that he hadn't spoken to since their argument.

It had been hard, in the days that had followed the transformation and the prank that Sirius had tried to pull, for Remus to think of the way he had spoken to Eleanor that day. He hadn't been sure at the time if he had meant what he had said, and yet, looking back, it seemed to hold more truth than Remus initially realised. Eleanor was judgemental; perhaps not as prejudiced as James and Sirius had been in the past, but certainly she had her moments where she could be extremely narrow-minded.

However, perhaps she was only narrow-minded with good cause? Remus couldn't ignore that she only displayed this side of her personality when faced with his friends. Perhaps it was the way he was with the Marauders that made her have the opinions she did? Or perhaps it was more to do with the fact that she had uncovered his secret, and was hurt that he was yet to confide in her what she had already guessed?

"You have five minutes left!" A sharp voice broke through Remus' introspection, causing him to start, turn his eyes from Flitwick and back down to the Charms paper he had been working on. He had finished and was in the process of reading back over his parchment to uncover mistakes, trying desperately not to dwell on the thoughts that had paraded through his mind; to focus once more.

The five minutes seemed to drag by like months and as Remus leant back in his chair, happy that he had done his best given the questions on the paper, he fought the urge to look round at the faces of his classmates. He could tell that somewhere very close behind him sat Peter; the relentless tapping of the quill on the side of the ink well was enough to betray the location of his nervy friend. He had seen James come in and sit down somewhere on his left; Lily close behind. Looking up to Flitwick at the front, who was thoroughly absorbed in watching the last seconds tick by on his pocket watch, Remus stole a furtive glance around the room; seeing the pale, sallow face of Snape, curtained by his limp, black hair, still writing to the very end of his parchment. Another glance back to Flitwick was enough to ensure Remus that he had the luxury of a few more seconds to gaze around the room, and as he turned back his stomach leapt up into his throat as he caught the eye of Sirius, who had been looking directly at him.

_Look away_ Remus told himself as he tried desperately to turn his head to look back down at his parchment. But, almost as if there was an invisible hand grasping the back of his neck and forcing him to met Sirius' eyes, he couldn't turn. Maybe it had something to do with the hopeful expression that all of a sudden seemed to seep across his friend's face; a shadow of a smile curling the corners of his lips. Sirius looked down at his parchment before his eyes flickered back in Remus' direction and, after stealing a glance in Flitwick's direction, he mouthed very slowly, "How was it?"

Remus could tell his cheeks had turned bright red and, despite of the voice that was screaming in his ears not to respond; to ignore the efforts his friend was making, he found himself mouthing back before he had a chance to stop himself, "Alright."

"Quills down!" Flitwick's voice piped up from the front and Remus found himself thankful for a reason to look away. After Flitwick had magicked the many scrolls to him, most of the students began to make their way to the door.

"I couldn't answer question four…however hard I tried I just _couldn't_ remember the wand movement right…" were Peter's words of greeting as he and Remus made their way out of the room. Remus patted Peter on the shoulder, half comforting, half steering him out of the way of a group of girls that had gathered in front of them. Peter withdrew his wand and began muttering, "I can never remember if it's a jab and a flick…or a sort of swoop and a flick…" As he said this Peter mimicked the movements he had spoken, only to send a book that one of the girls had been holding shooting out of her hands and away down the corridor.

"I'm sure you've done alright," Remus reassured him.

James and Sirius had joined them, yet Lily was disappearing down the corridor, only stopping briefly to hand the girl her book from the floor. Remus noticed that James was looking at Lily too. She hadn't really spoken much to them since Remus had told her exactly what had happened that night; since he had confided in her that his friend's were Animagi. When Remus had first told James that he had told Lily their secret he had paled, not really managing much in the way of a coherent response for a good fifteen minutes or so. Since then, however, James had convinced himself that the reason Lily had been avoiding them was because she was offended that they hadn't trusted her enough to tell them, and that would be Remus' fault if she decided to never speak to them again. Remus tried, and failed, to point out that Lily would never think like that.

"Only Defence Against the Dark Arts to go now," James sighed, leaning back against the wall, finally tearing his eyes away from the end of the corridor to turn back and face his friends. "And we're all pretty decent at that."

"Well, Moony's good at it anyway," Peter mumbled miserably. Remus debated disagreeing, yet before he could Sirius had cleared his throat and said, "Figg's over there, you know?"

Automatically Remus snapped his head round to see Eleanor, part of the group of girls he had helped Peter to avoid, talking rapidly to her friend beside her and animatedly gesturing towards the question paper in her hands. Eleanor didn't see him and Remus couldn't help but feel a little relieved as he tried to shrug Sirius' comment aside and pretend like he didn't care.

"They've been flying _really _well," James said. Remus couldn't help but feel as though James was deliberately trying to steer the conversation away from dangerous waters. "Althrop said he caught some of their practice time the other day. Apparently, Roberts and Gilbert have really improved. It's going to be tough."

"Don't let King hear you say that," was Sirius' dark response.

"B…but you have a few more weeks of practice," Peter said hopefully, his eyes moving between Sirius and James. "We'll do it, won't we?"

Remus couldn't help but look at Sirius who seemed to have given up trying to catch his eye. His face showed a fixed expression, and to the great surprise to everyone, especially Peter, who had looked to him for reassurance, Sirius merely shrugged.

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I can't believe this is all nearly over. And I can't believe how amazing you all are with your reviews! See you over at the next update! xxx


	97. Chapter 97

A/N: The sixth years sit their last exam. Eleanor and Remus speak for the first time since thier argument, and finally the truth is revealed about what happened between Eleanor and Sirius at the Quidditch match at the beginning of the year.

Disclaimer: I have constantly wondered but, alas, I do not own Harry Potter.

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Considering the inevitable distraction of having their last exam on the Friday afternoon before the Quidditch final, Remus couldn't help but be impressed by his friend's ability to concentrate. He had been concerned, as the day had begun with a flurry of excitement that surrounded the match, that it may affect their chances in the exam, but even Peter seemed to have gathered his thoughts for long enough to give a mediocre performance.

"I was a bit worried about question seventeen, but then I remembered the revision notes you went over with me last night," he flashed a smile at Remus before ending, "And it suddenly came to me!"

Most of the students had filed out of the classroom as the Marauders hovered in the hallway outside. Remus was still waiting, however, for Eleanor, who had been one of the last people to leave; yet he couldn't think of way to get rid of his friends so they could be alone. James, it seemed, had picked up on Remus' agitation; perhaps it was the way he kept craning his neck to see round the door of the classroom they had just left. He had quickly grabbed Sirius round the arm and was pulling him away with the words, "Come on then, let's go and go over some theory for tomorrow."

"Theory!?" came Sirius' contemptuous reply, throwing a glance to Remus before hastily looking away. For a moment he had forgotten that all was not forgiven. Peter, who had been bobbing up and down beside Remus, moved to follow as Sirius continued, confused, "What use is theory? We've practiced as best we can. The only thing we can do is go out and play."

"Well…erm…" James faltered seeing, as Remus had, that Eleanor had appeared from the classroom completely alone. "We can't be too prepared, can we? I got some books out of the library for us to have a quick flick through."

Sirius may have very well made more sounds of protest, yet they were lost to Remus in the bustle of the corridor as James guided Sirius and Peter away. Without hesitating and giving himself a chance to go back on what he had decided to do, Remus took a step forwards, immediately alerting Eleanor to his presence by clearing his throat, so that she looked up to face him.

"How was it?" he asked, pushing his hands into his pockets to give them something to do as they strolled down the corridor. Eleanor shrugged before shaking her head and saying, "Not good. I told you I just can't manage to understand Defence Against the Dark Arts. I'm much better at things like Charms."

Remus nodded, pausing in front of a window seat to sit down, lifting his eyes to ask Eleanor to do the same. She did, automatically turning her face to the window, looking out at the dying light. The grounds of Hogwarts had become weary with drought; the rain which had yet to fall seemed to be hesitating in the clouds that were gathering in the warm July sky. From somewhere over the top of the Forbidden Forest, an optimistic golden sun struggled to break through.

"I've been wanting to talk to you…" Remus began, inhaling a long, steadying breath and forcing himself to keep his eyes on her face. Eleanor didn't look round as he continued, "I want to explain about that argument."

"You don't have to. It's alright." Eleanor had spoken although her lips had barely moved. "I know you were right."

For a moment Remus didn't know what to say. He hadn't been expecting this at all. Yet as he watched the way Eleanor's eyes followed a flock of shadowed birds that took flight from the treetops of the Forest towards the castle, he saw that she was not sad but resigned.

"I shouldn't have said the things that I said…not the way that I said them, and I'm sorry for that."

She turned for the first time when he said this, a small smile curling her lips as she said quietly, "That's nice to know."

Although around them the castle was humming with action, Remus felt that this noise was drowned by the soft silence between them; a silence that made him realise just what he was about to say and do. It was the right thing, he had told himself; he had thoroughly convinced himself of this since the day of the prank. He was too dangerous; too unpredictable to get too close to someone he still felt he couldn't trust. If he was lying than it was unfair to expect her to be with him when she didn't know the truth. If Eleanor was judgemental than it had been unreasonable for him to reprimand her for this when he had not given her the tools by which she could judge. Despite how much he wanted to continue pretending that it was enough; that it was enough to not be honest and content himself with whatever affection she could give him, Remus realised that it wasn't fair. She deserved more than the unpredictable dishonesty he could offer; and he deserved more than the guilt of what pretending to be anything other than what he was would bring.

"I know you didn't mean it," Eleanor's words broke the silence; her blue eyes fixed on his face, unwavering. Remus shrugged, speechless, uncertain about what she was referring to before she continued, "What you said to me that day…what I couldn't say back. You didn't mean it…not really."

"I th…thought I did," was Remus' dry-mouthed response. She blinked once before replying, "I know. That's why I didn't say it back."

Remus nodded, pushing back his hair in a nervous gesture, ever struggling to keep his eyes on her somehow sad expression.

"I wanted…" he faltered, shaking his head, all of sudden doubting whether or not he was about to do the right thing. "I _always_ wanted to tell you the truth."

Eleanor said nothing but moved her hand to squeeze his where it rested against the padded seat. In this touch Remus realised that Eleanor already knew; she had already guessed what he had struggled to say, what he could never quite bring himself to tell her. She had worked it out, just as he always suspected she might, and was touching his hand to tell him that it was alright. But it was too late; it was too late for Remus to go back. He should have told her himself and he hadn't and now both of them knew it was over. There was no going back.

Eleanor withdrew her hand and placed it neatly in her lap; her cheeks were flushed slightly and it seemed that she was making a great deal of effort simply to breathe. Remus watched her, admiring, realising how lucky he had been, if only for the shortest of times, to have been so close to her. She was slipping from him now; the comfort he had always drawn from her was ebbing away; he wouldn't be able to re-claim it. Yet something about the way that they continued to sit looking at each other, side by side, made Remus feel certain that the affection her felt for Eleanor would not wane. He was sure that even though their relationship might be over, he would never loose the respect for her that he had gained in the instant he had realised that she knew.

"I want to tell you something, now," Eleanor said. Remus was somewhat surprised; what was there possibly more to say? "Something I shouldn't really have to tell you, but I don't think you've realised by now."

All at once Remus' heart was thudding behind his Adam's apple as his eyes remained fixed, unflinchingly, on Eleanor's. A curious smile illuminated Eleanor's face more than the feeble sun sheltering behind the clouds could have before she said, "Sirius didn't hit me in the match at the very beginning of the year…" She hesitated and Remus felt, all of a sudden, a sickening sense of realisation sweep through him. "I got hit in the face with a Bludger. He didn't even come near me."

A nervous bubble of laughter broke free from Remus' mouth, which he quickly stifled with one hand. He had remembered seeing, high in the sky above him, Eleanor falling limply from her broom, her face bloody, and Sirius flying away from he scene. He could have sworn he had seen…or maybe he just assumed…?

"Why didn't you tell me?" Remus asked, aghast, unable to believe that he had laboured under pretence for so long. His mind wandered back to the confrontation he had in the Astronomy tower shortly after it had happened; how he had accused him and Sirius hadn't denied it; all of the times he had thrown it back in Sirius' face in the midst of an argument, only for Sirius to continue not dignifying his accusation with an adequate response. How could he have got things so horribly wrong?

"I sort of…" Eleanor looked uncomfortably embarrassed, her eyes roaming away as she said, a little agitated, "It makes me ashamed but I sort of liked you believing that he'd done it. You see I was stupid…and…well…jealous."

Her last word hit Remus hard, causing him to forget the way he was feeling at being so wrong for so long, and to look at Eleanor, amazed.

"Jealous? What do you mean? What did you have to be jealous about?"

Something doubtful flitted across Eleanor's eyes, a doubt that Remus had read in his friends' eyes before. But as soon as it had appeared it seemed to have gone, Eleanor shrugged it way with the words, "I don't know. It hardly seems to matter now, does it?"

Remus couldn't help but agree before silence once again fell between them. Remus hardly noticed that Eleanor was there, his mind swimming with the accusation he had constantly repeated to Sirius throughout the year, and the words he had got from Sirius in response:

_So you deny it, then?_

_I have no reason to deny it. I mean, what would be the point? As you have already so helpfully pointed out, the whole school saw what happened._

_I would never lie to you._

_But you have, don't you remember? When you hit Eleanor during the Quidditch match?_

_If you still believe that, Remus, then…_

Remus was only distracted away from his thoughts when Eleanor rose from her seat, her bag swinging against his knee as she flung it over her shoulder. Fear suddenly seizing him Remus found that he was on his feet too, his words a little jumbled. "W…wait…wait. Is this it? Is it over? Is it done?"

Eleanor responded with a small nod that caused her hair to stir softly against her shoulders, and her face to flush with further despondency. Her shoulders were rising and falling in a shuddering sort of way that made Remus frightened that she was close to tears, and her voice wavered as she said in a small and unconfident voice, "But you shall always have my friendship…if you want it…"

Even Remus could not have expected as much and as she had said this he had opened his arms, gathering her to him, and holding her so tightly he feared he might never let her go. Despite the numerous occasions he had held her to him in the past, all of sudden Eleanor appeared so much smaller, so much more fragile against him as she cried, ever so quietly, in his arms. He hushed very softly, unable to find the words he wanted to say to comfort her, as he absently smoothed down the back of her hair; his hand roaming to stroke her back.

"I'm sorry you won't let me…" Eleanor prevented herself from saying whatever she had intended to follow, drawing away from him slowly to blink away her tears. From his pocket Remus withdrew his handkerchief and handed it to her, watching as she dabbed her checks and calmed herself. A group of girls that were passing in the corridor behind them looked over, interested, yet Remus ignored them as he slowly took a step away. This was most definitely, goodbye.

She turned, handing his handkerchief back, and it stung him to see her back to him; knowing that he would never again know her in the way he once had. Yet before Eleanor had moved, dissolving into the crowd that was hurrying away from exams and lessons and towards the common rooms, she spoke in a tone that was nearly lost in the busyness in the corridor.

"Forgive him," she said, not daring to look back before taking one silent, shuddering breath and walking away.

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So Eleanor knew...all along...about our Remus' secret and liked him none the less. But she decieved Remus about what happened at the Quidditch match, perhaps seeing Sirius and Remus' relationship for what it truly is. This is where all the loose ends start getting tied up. The end is nigh xxx


	98. Chapter 98

A/N: This is the last update for today which does mean that tommorow it shall be completely finished. I hope you have liked what I've written and that you have enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you for those of you who have been so dedicated to this. I shall thank you properly at the end!

The day of the final Quidditch match arrives and Lily does something...unexpected!

Disclaimer: I don't own them so there is no need to sue!

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It was a blistering hot day the next morning. The stale heat of the castle was almost unbearable; only adding to the tension felt by those in Gryffindor and Ravenclaw at the final that was only mere hours away. Remus had hardly slept; the heat suffocating as he had lain awake for most of the night gazing at the drapes around his bed that were refusing to move in the non-existent breeze. All night he had re-run what had happened with Eleanor that afternoon; his mind plunging back further to examine what he could have done differently to salvage what existed between them. By the time that the first signs of dawn had appeared, a pale green light that peeped through the chink in Remus' curtains, turning to a weak grey before a much brighter white, Remus had resigned himself to the fact that he couldn't have prevented what had happened, even if he had wanted too.

But then there were her parting words to him as she had left him standing by the window in the corridor. She had wanted Remus to forgive him, and even Remus couldn't ignore to whom she had been referring. It seemed an odd request from a girl who he had just broken up with; from someone who had never got on with the person in question. Yet when Eleanor had told Remus that Sirius hadn't hit her, like he had assumed he had, the question of forgiveness had become more pressing than it had before. He had got it wrong; he had accused Sirius of something he hadn't done and, as misleading as it may have been, Sirius had refused point blank to refute the allegations.

Hadn't he done something similar, Remus thought to himself as she shuffled into the Great Hall that morning that, despite the sweltering heat, was buzzing with movement and noise? Hadn't he been accused of doing something by Sirius that he hadn't done, only to be proven wrong? So it wasn't exactly the same thing, but the points for comparison were still there. As Remus managed to squeeze himself between James and Peter, he found himself for the first time uncertain of whether continuing the animosity with Sirius was the right thing to do. Sirius had done wrong; he had punished Remus and taken his vengeance on Snape in the cruellest way he could think of, yet he had also recognised what he had done, had confessed to Dumbledore and tried to apologise to Remus ever since. Maybe the time had come to put all this behind them, Remus thought, pouring himself a cup of tea and blowing some of the steam away before taking a tentative sip. Maybe the time had come to forgive and forget after all?

"So, are we all clear on the tactics then?" Alice King said, leaning so intently over the table that she knocked the spoon from out of her porridge, sending it clattering to the floor. She hardly seemed to notice, however; her eyes passing between members of the team that had only half been listening to her pep talk.

"What is it we've got to do with the Quaffle again?" Sirius teased, turning to Althrop and Frost to support his joke. "Score goals with it…or something?" A few of those gathered had the courage to laugh but Alice, who seemed far from amused, shook a finger at them all and said, "It won't be so funny when we've lost!" All at once, the few remaining sniggers died. Alice looked content at this and, turning to James, she reiterated, "Now, we all know that Starkey is the weakest point of their team. He's got nothing on you, Potter. As long as you keep your eye on that Snitch, the cup should be in the bag."

Remus saw, just as Alice did, that James was barely listening, looking intently to the doorway of the Great Hall, and a red-headed figure that had just entered through it.

"Potter! Potter, are you listening to me?"

Yet James was not answering; transfixed by the way that Lily was striding purposefully towards the Gryffindor table. She paused for a moment, her eyes roaming the length of it. The minute she had caught sight of where the team were sitting, she began walking towards them once more. Most of the team fell silent; eyes fixed on Lily as she approached. James, who had become increasingly jumpy since he had first seen her in the doorway jumped to his feet, misreading her expression as she came, face to face, to him.

"What's wrong?" James asked anxiously.

"Is it true?" Lily was flushed and a little out of breath; her red hair was bedraggled, and it seemed she couldn't bring herself to look at anyone else but James as she repeated, "Is it true what you did for Snape?"

James looked at a loss to understand and Remus, who had his cup risen to his mouth to conceal his smile watched, just as many other people were now watching, as James finally realised and said, "What?...Oh, yeah…"

"You saved him?" Lily was trembling; her voice was shaky, her eyes fixed on James who seemed slightly intimidated. Remus, worried that Lily wasn't thinking straight and was perhaps about to reveal more than she meant to, looked at the faces of those who had turned to listen. Yet asides from Sirius, whose grey eyes were watching the scene very carefully, it appeared that no-one else understood. "You saved him, despite the way he's treated you? Regardless of the fact you don't like him?"

James couldn't do anything but nod yet it seemed that words might have escaped him in a moment anyway for, no sooner had he moved his head, Lily had reached out, grabbed him roughly by the robes, and kissed him hard.

Remus, who had made the mistake of taking a drink of tea at the wrong moment, began choking violently on the liquid. Peter had gasped beside him and, although he couldn't tear his eyes away from the couple, he could hear that Sirius was laughing almost uncontrollably. For a moment it seemed that all that were watching (which, apparently, was more people than Remus realised) seemed too shocked to do or say anything; the strange sight of Lily kissing James so forcefully, for the whole school to see, causing them to be silent. However, as soon as enough time had passed to establish that it wasn't a mass hallucination, the Great Hall erupted into noise. Some students cheered and clapped. There was a universal "Awwww!" made by a lot of the girls, only to be followed by the mock heaving of some of the boys. Others were laughing; many were wolf-whistling, yet it was only when a blushing McGonagall advanced down the aisle and exclaimed "Miss Evans!" did Lily finally pull away; leaving James extremely red-faced, but beaming.

McGonagall's eyes moved from Lily, who was struggling to steady her breathing and smooth down her hair; her cheeks just as red as James', to James himself; who could barely contain the smirk he was struggling to repress as he stared determinedly at the floor. Remus could see the way that McGonagall was struggling not to smile; her top lip was twitching as she said in a very unconvincingly stern voice, "Such…_vigorous _public displays of affection are hardly ladylike."

Lily mumbled something that sounded like an apology before sitting down on the bench beside Remus, trying desperately not to meet the eyes of any of the team. Before McGonagall moved away Remus caught the way that she winked at James before she left in a flurry of tartan, wishing the team good luck as she went. James sat down beside Lily and Remus, who couldn't help but meet Sirius' mischievous smile, waited for the comment he knew was coming.

"If James had known that all it would take would be for him to save Snivellus' neck…" He hesitated purposefully, meeting Lily's contemptuous glare before cocking an eyebrow to finish, "I'm sure he would have done it a long time ago.

Remus tried not to laugh, although it was hard; he busied himself with pouring another cup of tea instead. And, as he looked down when replacing his teaspoon in the saucer, he smiled to himself as he saw the way that James had taken Lily's hand, unseen, beneath the table.

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Hurrah! That was along time coming! Reviews and opinions welcomed - let me know what you think. I shall finish uploading tommorow so I hope you'll see it through to the end. Thank you so much, and enjoy! xxx


	99. Chapter 99

A/N: Thank you so much for all your words of encouragement, promises of gifts, declarations of eternal love and offers to carry my babies! I shall issue a full and comprehensive chapter when I read the end. But, until then, we still have the business of finishing this off...

The Quidditch final.

Thank you to Meg and Rosie. They know what for.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter so don't sue.

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The wind had finally risen; finding enough force to break through what Remus was beginning to consider an almost impenetrable heat, blowing more grey clouds towards the school, to trail heavily across the sky. Remus struggled to keep his Gryffindor scarf wrapped around his neck and to stop it from whipping into the faces of the spectators behind him, that were sidling carefully along the rows of the swelling stand. Peter had taken a seat and was in the process of unfurling a banner he had made, with two grotesquely painted figures flying on what appeared to be vacuum cleaners across the scarlet background. Remus assumed that they were supposed to be James and Sirius, the number on the Quidditch shirts they were wearing being a dead give away, yet they bore no physical resemblance asides from this whatsoever. Peter had scrawled in letters across the centre the words "Go Gryffindor" yet the magical inks he had used had run, making it look as though the words actually read, "Po Prjllindor."

Beside Remus, Lily had her eyes fixed on the ground of the Quidditch Pitch, watching as both the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw teams made their way out from the changing rooms. She had been peculiarly quiet since breakfast.

"Welcome to the final Quidditch match of the season; the final between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. There's a bit of a wind today which will, no doubt, affect the Chaser's passing, but I'm sure that this will have little bearing on the outcome of the match for two such talented teams." As Crispin Thompson's voice rang clear across the grounds, every member of the crowd watched as the teams took their positions; each trio of Chasers facing each other; Eleanor opposite Sirius. Remus felt a sharp pain as he looked at Eleanor, seeing the way that she was nervously grinning at Sirius, who didn't so much as smile back. Yet he also felt guilt because of what he had thought had happened at the last match the teams had played; only to learn that it hadn't happened at all.

Remus had barely heard the whistle to sound the start of the game, and as the team members kicked off from the ground, he saw the dust that sprang up from the feet of the players as they did so.

"Gryffindor automatically take possession! Look's like little time is going to be wasted today…we could be in for a quick match!" Remus watched as Edward Frost caught the Quaffle deftly in his arms, when Richard Roberts, a pug-nosed Ravenclaw Beater, attempted to bat the Bludger in his direction. Yet Francis Fothringay had swiftly intercepted, sending the Bludger zooming in the opposite direction as Frost passed to Althrop, who hesitated only momentarily in front of the goal line, before shooting to score.

"Anthony Althrop scores! Gryffindor take the first ten points of the match!"

After the initial goal the wind blew more vigorously than before, causing the flying that each team displayed to become increasingly impressive. Alice King had made a number of impressive saves for Gryffindor, before being swept away on particular stiff breeze to give Ravenclaw the opportunity to score. Arielle Rochelle, Ravenclaw Chaser and Captain, seized this chance to put Ravenclaw marginally in the lead sixty points to Gryffindor's fifty.

"Roberts and Gilbert have really been working hard on their skills in practice!" Crispin Thompson's voice directed Remus' attention in the direction of the Beater's in time to see the way that Edward Frost got hit squarely in the chest by a Bludger, allowing the Quaffle to slip through his hands and plummet to the ground below. The crowd held its breath and Remus watched as both Sirius and Eleanor streaked towards it. It was Sirius that managed to get there first.

"And it's Black that's caught it for Gryffindor. Steering upwards, trying to put a more comfortable distance between himself and Figg. But it looks like…oof!" Sirius had not been paying close enough attention and had flown into the back of Francis Fothringay, causing both of them to become unsteady on their brooms, and for Eleanor to take possession.

"And Figg's flying like the blazes towards the goal. Can King manage another spectacular save?"

The horn sounded the points and the Ravenclaws cheered, only to be met by groans from the Gryffindor stand. "Ravenclaw increase the lead; seventy fifty."

"Nathaniel Starkey appears to have seen the Snitch!" Remus watched as the Ravenclaw Seeker began to fly, very fast, towards the opposite end of the pitch. Yet James, who was watching, seemed to know something that he didn't; as Starkey suddenly pulled up and, embarrassed, began circling the grounds once more.

Remus' attention was once again on Sirius, who was flying very closely beside Anthony Althrop, who was currently in possession of the Quaffle. Yet before Althrop had a chance to pass Craig Gilbert had sent another Bludger towards them with an almighty thwack! causing Althrop to drop the Quaffle, and Sirius to struggle to retrieve it.

Sirius managed, but only just, to catch it; the large, red ball nearly slipping out of his hands as a sudden gust of wind sent his broom veering sharply to the left. Around him, all the Gryffindors were shouting in Sirius' direction; willing him to be the one to close the gap in points and score and, for a moment, Sirius had every intention of doing so. Yet just as he had pulled up in front of the goal line, Richard Roberts had sent a Bludger in his direction, which had narrowly zipped inches past Barker's bat, and had hit Sirius on the shoulder. Sirius yelped, the Quaffle dropping to be caught by Christopher Clearwater of Ravenclaw, who had turned so sharply in his desperation to get it away from the goal line, that he had inadvertently flown straight into Rochelle, who was waiting to take the pass.

"The Gryffindor Chasers seemed to have recovered from all that great Beating and have regained possession of the Quaffle. Althrop passes to Frost, narrowly missing Figg's attempt at interception, only to pass to Black. Can Sirius Black reclaim some points?"

Remus watched, his eyes fixed on the form of his friend as he pulled up in front of the goal line; his eyes darting between the hoops before he aimed at the one furthest on the right and threw. The Gryffindors lurched forward; every pair of eyes fixed on the moving ball as he flew just out of Terence McDougal's reach, and through the goal.

"Sirius Black scores! Ten points to Gryffindor!"

The Gryffindor stands erupted into shrieks of excitement, that virtually obscured the commentator's voice as Crispin Thompson shouted, "James Potter has seen the Snitch!" All at once every member of the crowd was watching James, who had begun to fly as though his life depended on it, towards a flickering dot of gold, just above the Ravenclaw stand. Yet Nathaniel Starkey was perhaps quicker off the mark than James had expected because, very soon, he was in close pursuit; the front of his broom inches away from the back of James'.

Remus strained his eyes through the blurred outlines of the other players to keep his sight fixed on the two Seekers. The horn sounded twice more and the score stood at seventy ninety to Ravenclaw, yet half the audience appeared not to notice. James had tucked his knees as close to his broom as possible, narrowly avoiding knocking the tops of some Slytherins heads with the bottom of his feet as he sped towards the Snitch. Ravenclaw were ahead, but if James caught the Snitch it would all be over and Gryffindor would have won the Quidditch cup.

Nathaniel Starkey's face appeared purple with concentration as he seemed to place every inch of effort he had in over-taking James. Yet James was simply too good and Remus watched, a little awe struck, as James spun in the air, flying momentarily the wrong way up, before righting himself; his eyes fixed on the Snitch that was now only inches from his grasp. Peter was shrieking wildly beside him; he felt Lily grab hold of his hand and squeeze it hard as, cutting across the feverish noise of the crowd, Remus was almost certain her heard McGonagall shouting in an accent more broad than usual.

James made a violent grab in front of him at, what appeared to be, thin air. But by the way that he suddenly slowed, beaming, his arm raised above his head, Remus knew what had happened. James had caught the Snitch. Gryffindor had won.

It seemed that the rest of the spectators, too, had not waited for the announcement; the Gryffindor stand was in full celebration as Crispin Thompson struggled to make the final score heard. Peter had forgotten the banner he was holding, dropping it so drooped over the people in front head's; yet they hardly seemed to notice or care. Lily had thrown her arms about Remus neck and was jumping up and down, and Remus struggled to see over her shoulder as the players landed. Yet he saw the Gryffindor team hit the ground, inevitably running towards James to embrace him, before raising him aloft on their shoulders.

But it was not this that caught Remus' particular attention. It was through all the noise and excitement; through the cheering and shrieking and the wind that had now broken the clouds above, sending sheets of rain dancing through the sky towards the parched ground, that Remus watched as Sirius walked forwards to where Eleanor was standing, take her hand in his, and shake it.

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Of course Sirius redeems himself. See you over at the next update xxx


	100. Chapter 100

A/N: My favourite chapter! Although most of the inspiration for this comes from J.K.Rowling, credit should be paid to a song by R.E.M called "Nightswimming." Listen to it if you get a chance.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter so there is no need to sue!

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As Remus made his way across the grounds unseen, courtesy of James' invisibility cloak, he could clearly hear the raucous noise from the party in the Gryffindor common room, floating down from the open window of the tower above. James had urged him to stay and join in the fun, smiling as he had casually slipped his arm round Lily's waist, as if he done it many times before. Lily had thrown her arm round his shoulders, encouraging him to remain with them. Ever since the rain had ceased Remus had been seized by a strange desire to take a night-time stroll across the grounds, towards the lake. Peter had asked him where he was going as he had left. Remus had barely looked back to see where Sirius was. He had last been seen drinking copious amounts of Butterbeer (or, as Remus suspected, Firewhiskey that had been smuggled in disguised in Butterbeer bottles) and talking to a gaggle of girls. As much as he had shared in his friends' celebration and joy at having triumphed over Ravenclaw, there was something about the dripping darkness of the grounds that seemed to entice him; made him feel as though he wanted to be alone.

As Remus walked the smell of fresh air and damp earth filled his nostrils and, for what seemed like the first time in months, Remus felt like he could truly breathe. No-longer was the air stagnated; no-more was the path dusty and cracked. With the rain had come renewal; a renewal that seemed to cause the patches of light cast by the windows above to shimmer on the strands of wet grass. A gentle breeze caused the whole sweeping lawn to undulate softly and, as Remus grew ever closer to the banks of the lake, he found it difficult to distinguish between what was liquid grass and was rippling water.

The lake itself, which had seemed until now to be slowly draining away without replenishment, was swollen and full and, although the rain had long since stopped falling, water continued to drip from the leaves of trees that shimmered like silvery mirrors in the pale, night light. As Remus felt the way his heels were sliding in the rich mulch that had suddenly appeared on the banks, he made his way to one tree in particular, that seemed to have its roots deep in the bowels of the lake itself, curving gracefully into a seat before continuing towards the sky. With a well-skilled leap Remus landed, his feet slippery on the damp bark and, without a moment more of thought, began to shed his clothes. First his scarf, followed by his jumper, that was threadbare and pot-marked with holes. His shirt came next, then shoes and socks, followed closely behind by his trousers. Despite the fact that it was undoubtedly cooler than it had been that morning, the July air was still pleasantly warm; once again stirring the trees of the leaves above as Remus cast a furtive glance back up in the direction of the castle. For months, it seemed, he had been waiting for it to rain; it seemed like ages since the desire had first struck him to take off his clothes and dive into the lake. Yet it wasn't until now that Remus felt particularly urged to do so. Something about all that had happened - today and in the previous weeks - seemed to make him all of a sudden want to shed not only the burden of the clothes, but also of everything he had carried with him throughout the year. From somewhere above him, Remus heard an owl in the night sky hoot softly and, as though this acted as the final signal he had been waiting for, Remus removed his underwear and dived, head first, into the water.

At first it was cold, chilling his skin after the pleasant warmness of the air, yet as soon as his whole body was submerged, he felt the heat of the undercurrent. He swam, breast stroke, further out into the lake, watching as he pushed the water out either side of him; pushing out the deep blackness that was peppered with the stars that twinkled above. Swimming away, the noise from Gryffindor tower grew distant; the only sound breaking the quietness were the wet slaps of the waves breaking against the shore, and another haunting twoot from the skies above.

Another glance up to the castle and Remus had flipped over onto his back, closing his eyes to momentarily imagine the world that was pulsing lazily beneath him. Yet before long the urge to open his eyes became too great and Remus gasped as he looked squarely up into the sky above. Stars littered the expanse; messy and unordered; some speckled in gentle constellations, some burning fiercely into the night. The moon was a sliver of silver cut against the darkling sky. Remus exhaled deeply, almost as though he had never done so before, allowing himself to be held up mattress of water alone. His mind was blank; he thought of nothing as he turned his hands palm down so his fingertips could softly cut through the shimmering sheet.

A wet scuffle of sole against bark, however, told Remus that someone had leapt, as he had, from the banks of the lake to the tree and, as Remus quickly allowed the bottom half of his body to sink under the water, he saw that Sirius was standing watching him, leaning against the tree. Through the darkness Remus could see Sirius look from the pile of clothes to Remus, could see a smile lingering about his mouth before he raised his hands to push his jacket off of his shoulders with the words, "Good idea."

In a moment Sirius had undressed and, in a flash of flesh, had jumped into the water, disrupting the surface and sending ripples towards Remus. Remus was treading water as he watched Sirius disappear, swimming beneath before popping back up in front of him. He was smiling as he swept his dark hair out of his face so it rippled, wetly, down his back. Yet this smile, which had seemed so confident when it first appeared, retreated, and all at once Sirius appeared a little uncomfortable with the silence that had descended.

"Thank Merlin it rained," Remus said quietly, causing Sirius to appear more at ease once Remus had broken the silence. He turned from gazing at the sky that had, only moments before, entranced Remus and asked, "Didn't feel like a party?"

Remus shook his head, looking down to see if he could see his body through the water, yet the blackness seemed to obscure most of what he couldn't see.

"Look, Moony…" All at once Remus had looked up, and although his legs were beginning to ache, he found himself thinking if he were to move away, then the moment would slip away and the apology he had been waiting for wouldn't come. The pale moon had risen, causing silvery shadows to beat down on Sirius' inscrutable face, his eyes in shadow as he turned them on Remus to say, "I…"

"I know," Remus had interrupted without intending to, realising that he didn't need to hear the apology he had waited, so desperately, for. Sirius frowned, his brow lines appearing all the more pronounced in the shadows of the night.

"No…no…I should say this, Remus. I _want_ to say this." Remus fought the urge to prevent Sirius from saying anything further and pushed his dripping hair from out of his eyes, as he watched Sirius, as though pained, as he said, "I'm sorry for…a lot of things. I don't expect you to forgive me that easily, as much as I want you to; I know I don't deserve it. I've done everything humanly possible this year to push you away." He paused and Remus watched the way he was bobbing, his shoulders gently rising and falling out of the water. "But I don't want to loose your friendship. I don't think I ever wanted that. But if I already have, if it's already too late, I will understand."

"You haven't," Remus said in a voice barely above a whisper, afraid that anything louder would break the fragile nature of the moment. "You never could. As much as you hurt me…as much as I told myself I couldn't forgive you, I now know that that's impossible."

"Missed me, then?" Sirius said, half-smirking, cocking his eyebrow. Remus sighed and said nothing, before a thought suddenly seized him and he said, "You need to forgive me too. All that stuff with Eleanor…"

"It doesn't matter," Sirius responded, a little curtly, beginning to swim around Remus in a large circle; clearly agitated at being so still for so long. Remus had nothing to say in reply to this and, feeling the cramp that was slowly seeping through his limbs at having been swimming so constantly for so long, he began to make his way over to the arching tree.

He could not tell whether or not if Sirius was following as he pulled himself out, the night air not feeling as warm this side of swimming, as he struggled to swiftly pull his clothes back on unseen. Remus had got has far as pulling his trousers back on when he noticed that Sirius too had grown tired of swimming, and was in the process of getting re-dressed in the clothes he had retrieved. The moonlight cast eerie shadows across Sirius' naked back and Remus found his vision drawn to his dressing friend as he misjudged the jump from tree trunk to bank, nearly stumbling back into the water.

Sirius had moved quickly to help him, grabbing him a little painfully around the shoulders to stop him from toppling backwards, waiting for Remus to right himself. Once more Remus had a firm footing and he looked at his friend, intending to thank him, but felt as though words were swiftly escaping him. Although he knew he was the taller, all at once Remus was the same height as Sirius; their eyes level with one another. He must be sinking in the softness of the bank; the distant thought occurred to Remus in the back of his mind as he noticed the way that Sirius had yet to release him from his grasp. Then, in one languorously slow movement, Sirius had reached up, his finger trailing to stroke away a droplet of water that had been rolling down the side of Remus' face, before allowing his palm to rest flat against his friend's cheek. Sirius' eyes were wide though glazed and Remus fought a strange urge he was now feeling to close his eyes and press his face more firmly against Sirius' touch. Yet it was fleeting; too tremulous to last; and then it was gone, like a dream in sunlight, and Sirius had withdrawn his hand with a confident smile, before turning his back on Remus to walk back to the castle.

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So close...SO BLOODY close. Let me know what you think; reviews make me happy xxx


	101. Chapter 101

A/N: The last day of term has arrived and the Marauders say goodbye; although not before making each other a promise to fight the future together.

Disclaimer: I shall be eternally grateful to J.K.Rowling for Harry Potter. I don't own it so there is no need to sue.

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The week passed quickly and all at once the end of the year had arrived. The packing had almost been done yet items would undoubtedly still be forgotten in the rush to leave for the summer. Singular socks gathering dust beneath the bed; books on bed stands and pieces of parchment that had slipped down in the gap between the mattress and the bed frame. For a moment Remus paused, alone in the dormitory, and watched as the speckled dust danced lazily in the beam of sunlight that fell onto the floor. His friends had already gone down, already backed, waiting to make the trip to Hogsmeade and to board the Hogwarts Express. Remus took a step forward and allowed the window to swing shut, slipping the latch closed.

"Come on, Moony!" James shouted through the crowd that had gathered on the platform as he struggled to pull his trunk onto the train. Remus hurried forward, trying not to drop all the things he was carrying, and as he reached the door through which James had just entered, he felt himself suddenly helped by Eleanor, who had taken the other end of his trunk, and was pulling it onto the train.

"Thank you," Remus said, smiling. Eleanor returned his smile and Remus noticed that she looked a lot different to how she had the last time he had seen her. It seemed to him that she once again looked like the Eleanor he had first met at the beginning of the year; flushed, her blue eyes were twinkling, her blonde hair gleaming in the blazing July sun. As they boarded, narrowly avoiding two first-year Hufflepuff boys that were chasing a runaway Remembrall that was pin-balling down the aisle, he heard Eleanor say, "Write this summer, won't you?"

Remus stopped struggling with the hefty weight of his luggage to look at Eleanor who was standing, one hand on his hip, watching him, slightly amused. "Or will you forget again?"

He couldn't help but laugh at this before he said, shaking his head slowly, "No. I won't forget."

They were interrupted by a small, blonde boy that Remus recognised, who had appeared from one of the carriages, half changed from his uniform into his normal clothes.

"Everything alright?" the boy said, looking from Eleanor to Remus, puffing out his chest in a way that Remus was sure he meant to be intimidating. Eleanor gave a snort before ruffling the boy's hair in a patronising way and saying, "Is my ickle brother trying to protect me?"

The boy batted her hand away and grumbled something that sounded like a no, before backing away, leaving a glare at Remus behind him. Eleanor rolled her eyes before turning to shout after her brother as he left, "Don't crease your clothes, Sid, or Mum will kill you."

From somewhere outside the train a whistle sounded and many of the pupils that had been walking along the aisle now dispersed; taking there seats in carriages with there friends. Eleanor smiled and moved to join her Ravenclaw friends yet before she did Remus had made his decision, had reached out, pulled her into a tight hug before kissing her gently on the cheek with the words, "Thank you."

"Remus, I've been sent to…" Lily's voice caused them to break away. Eleanor was blushing slightly, yet she didn't seem angry about what he'd just done. Lily had trailed after seeing what she had interrupted, hesitating a little way away as they said their goodbye.  
"I will write. I promise."

Eleanor nodded before saying to Lily, "See you next year."

"Yeah, bye!" Lily called after Eleanor before she and Remus took hold of his belongings, to drag them towards the carriage where his friends were waiting.

All of his friends had already changed, all except Peter, who was still struggling to get his school jumper over his head. James was sitting by the window, a Quidditch magazine open on his lap. Sirius looked up as Lily and Remus had entered, moving to his feet to help Remus store his trunk in the over-head luggage rack.

"What took you so long?" Sirius asked, throwing himself back down on the seat. Remus loosened his tie and slipped off his robes, pulling on a shirt he had saved to wear on the journey before answering, "I was just saying goodbye to someone."

With a jolt the train moved into action, rolling out of Hogsmeade station, before picking up speed to dart through the English countryside. It seemed that all the friends were quiet and for many miles they were each quite content with the silence that had descended. Peter and Sirius had begun to play a game of chess; the occasional exclamations from either player, as various pieces got smashed, breaking the monotony of silence. Sunlight flicked through the window as the train streaked through tunnels and under aqueducts, and Remus watched as the mountainous terrain subtly changed to vast expanses of shrubby moor, and finally into the patchwork quilt of the land.

Lily yawned and Remus watched as she slipped down lower in her seat, allowing her head to rest against James' shoulder, who was flicking through his magazine. Remus caught his smile as he head made contact before he turned his face, allowing his lips to travel her hair line and kiss her there. Although she had closed her eyes, Lily smiled too.

"Plans for the summer?" Sirius said turning away a little agitated from the board as Peter had just taken his only remaining rook.

"I'm going on holiday," Peter squeaked, his beady eyes roaming the board, establishing his next move. "I've got some relatives in Ireland, so I think we're going there."

"I've got darling Petunia's wedding to go to." Lily had opened her eyes, although her head was still on James' shoulder. She shifted slightly so she was looking up at James, as she asked with a shrug, "You can come, if you like."

Sirius gave a sharp bark of laughter at this, causing James to scowl at him as he said, "I'm warning you Evans, if you bring someone like him home, you're only asking for trouble." James had rolled up the magazine and had flung it at Sirius, which had only just narrowly avoided hitting him in his face.

"Alright, Padfoot, what are _you_ doing this summer?"

Sirius gave a nonchalant shrug, idly moving his hand forward to put the game of chess in check. "Looking for my own place to live; experimenting with a mode of flying transport I possess." Remus remembered the only time he had have flown with Sirius on his motorbike.

"What about you, Remus?" Lily asked, stretching her arms above her head and yawning like a purring cat.

"I hadn't really planned much, but…" He hesitated, his eyes passing from the face of friend to friend, before saying in lower tones than before, "I can't just forget about the Order. I want to…do what I can; work hard. Keep a close eye on what's happening."

James was nodding. "I agree, mate. I think it would be a good idea if we remain…vigilant. I mean, look at all that's happened this year. Who says that this is going to stop anytime soon? It may well get worse."

"And if it does, I want to be ready for it. I want to do my bit." As Lily had spoken she had sounded determined; her green eyes flashing with resolution. Sirius had leant forward, away from the game of chess he had virtually won, and said firmly, "Let's make a pact…a deal here and now that whatever happens in the future we face it together." Remus watched as Sirius grew suddenly impassioned. "That we fight whatever comes. That we won't rest until we've defeated it. Let's promise that, whatever happens, we'll do everything, as one, to fight it together."

Sirius had stretched out his hand as he had ended, and James had been the first to move his hand to place it on top of his with the words, "I will."

Lily was smiling with an admiration for Sirius that Remus was sure he had never seen before as she placed her hand on top of James' and said, "I will."

Peter seemed a little reluctant as he placed his hand on Lily's, saying nothing as the other's had done, but nodding very hard.

Finally Remus fixed his eyes on Sirius' as he placed his hand on last, as he nodded to reinforce the words as he spoke them, "I will."

They were pulling into Kings Cross; steam billowing from the slowing train and cascading over platform 9 and 3/4s. The platform was crowded and the minute the Hogwarts Express had ground to a halt, students had begun to spill from the doors, and out to meet their parents. Peter scurried off first, waving vigorously as he left. Sirius had helped Remus once more with his luggage, and as they dropped it in order to say their goodbyes, they were both distracted by the sight of James and Lily. Lily was in James' arms, they were kissing gently; James' hand entwining itself very softly in her hair.

Remus couldn't help but indulge in the laughter that Sirius had already started. Yet this seemed to not distract the couple as Lily slowly pulled away, James looking at her very intently as he whispered in a hoarse voice, barely above a whisper, "I'll see you soon."

Lily nodded, kissing him lightly once more before taking a step away. Sirius had shoved his hands in his pockets and was staring, a little haughtily, at the floor. Yet Lily had already made her decision and has advanced forward, bringing Sirius in for a tight hug. Sirius was laughing, making every pretence that he was trying to fight her off, but he couldn't suppress his smile as Lily pulled away in order to hold Remus soon.

The boys stood and watched her walk towards her parents, and a tall, spindly looking young woman with a pinched look and pursed mouth.

"You know…" Sirius words pulled James and Remus' attention away from Lily, and back to him as he turned to James, pulled him towards him with an arm around his shoulders, and was patting his back as he said, "Very well done, mate."

James laughed, pushing his glasses up his nose as he tried to not look too pleased with himself. Then, catching sight of his parents that were waiting a little way off, James withdrew with the words, "Come on then Padfoot, they're waiting. Say your goodbyes to Moony then." James hugged Remus and left, walking over to his parents, who were obviously very interested in the girl they'd just seen him with.

"Well, Mister Lupin," Sirius said, bowing low although his eyebrows were raised. "This is goodbye." He straightened, his grey eyes gleaming as he asked, "Will you be able to survive without me?"

"I'll manage," Remus mumbled through his smile. Sirius gave a short back of laughter and they embraced. Remus' face was in his hair as his arms encircled his friends back and he thought he heard Sirius whisper something before he pulled away.

Sirius smiled before he turned, ambling casually over to where James and his parents were waiting. Remus watched them for a moment before, dragging his luggage behind him, walking away through the hustle and bustle of the crowd.

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Nearly the end. Only one more chapter to go. See at the end xxx


	102. Chapter 102

_30__th__ October 1981_

_Sirius,_

_James doesn't know that I'm writing this, so please don't tell him anything about it. He'd maybe be angry if he knew what I was doing; he's told me so many times that I can't do anything and it's best to leave it alone. But it's getting to the stage where I just can't ignore things. So much is happening that I'm not even sure that I know exactly where to begin. But you have to see that you are getting things so wrong, and that if you keep on this way then all this mistrust and suspicion will get the better of us all._

_I'm not too proud to admit that it's frightening me, although I can't always say these things to James. He has so much to worry about, and I try to tell him that there are some things he can't defend us against, but it seems he'll do anything to try. If he knew just how frightened I was of what the future holds for us all; for me and James and Harry I don't know how he'd take it. I'm not sure he'd know what to do if I told him how scared I was._

_But I'm telling you now to make you see, Sirius, that you're wasting the time we all have together. This tension between you and Remus is so insignificant when compared to what we are all facing; what we should be facing together. I know what you'll be thinking as you read this. I know that will tell me what you've told me before; that you cannot trust Remus; that there is a traitor among us. But Sirius, I want you to know that I have always believed that neither you nor Remus would ever betray us. That both of you would rather give your lives than put Harry's in danger. And I think that, by now, you should recognise the same._

_We've fought so many things together and yet now we're all faced with that which we cannot see to fight. I love James and it hurts to see him struggle against a foe we do not know; an enemy that would willingly see Harry murdered and his friend's betrayed. But I want you to know that if we have learnt one thing from standing together it's that, divided, we stand no chance at all._

_For some reason, I feel as though this is the last time you the listen; that this is last time I shall ever really get to say what I've always known; continually feared. I want you to reconcile with Remus; to put your personal feelings aside to help James uncover the truth behind who, we believe, is betraying us. If you can't do this then I'm frightened; not afraid for myself or for James, but afraid for Harry. _

_Lily_

The parchment is rubbed warn with countless readings; the envelope is thin and frayed. Droplets of wax cling to the letter and Remus imagines it being written, hurriedly but candle light. The smudged words, Remus hopes, have run with rain and not tears. He never even knew that this letter existed. He had never even spoken of it before but, as he read it, Remus could understand why. It had been painful, more painful than he had ever imagined, to once more see Lily's hand. It had stung deeply to read the date on which the letter had been sent; knowing what she couldn't have known ten, with hindsight. With every sentence Remus understood more clearly than its original addressee had at the time the importance of what Lily was saying; the significance of what she was asking them to do for the sake of for her, and more importantly, Harry.

Yet it is too late, Remus thinks, carefully slipping the folded back into it's envelope, turning it over in his hands as he debates whether to pocket it or not. He imagines the ways in which he would have read it, over and over after Azkaban, glimpsing, as Remus has, the truth between the lines. His guilt would have been just as encompassing; his grief as all consuming as Remus' and, mirroring what he knew his friend must have done on arriving at Grimmauld Place, Remus closes the tin on the letter within and replaces back in the fireplace.

He had been wrong…they had all been wrong in so many different ways. And now it is too late, Remus thinks as he moves towards the door, away from the room he feels he's spent hours in. He is gone and it is too late to put right all the things they had got wrong. Yet quietly, seeping into his mind as the warmth of the fire had done earlier, Remus thinks in the hush of the house that it doesn't matter. That no apology had been necessary; that there had been nothing more to say. All the words had lost their meaning when they hadn't been said for so long and no nothing mattered apart from the knowledge that, perhaps, they had both known all along what it had meant, though neither had the courage to say.

But it couldn't matter anymore, Remus tells himself, his back suddenly straightening as he reaches out to open the door. There were more important things to do. The battle between good and evil was raging. Choices would have to be made between what was right and was easy; decisions informed by the mind or the heart. Remus knows then what he has never quite been confident of before, as he walks out of the room once belonging to the person he loved and lost. Voldemort could never win on that battlefield. He could never know what it was to love and to grieve as though the world would stop turning just for the death of someone; to feel as though without them, you are nothing. And Remus smiles, for the first time in what feels like forever; a new determination sweeping through him as he closes the door. In that war, at least, they would always be triumphant. In that battle, at least, they would prove victorious.

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A/N: I want to thank everyone that has read this and reviewed; supported me and offered me words of advice and made me have belief in my abilities as a writer. Some of your comments have made me laugh, made me bemused and seriously touched me. Without you reading this and telling me what you think I wouldn't have had the confidence to continue for so long. This story belongs as much to you as it does to me.

Thank you to my faithful betas, Meg and Rosie. Meg, my housemate and my buddy, who has put up with my obsession whilst simultaneously encouraging it; who had stayed up until the wee hours and waited for me to finish a long awaited chapter. Meg; who helps me with my punctuation whilst helping me chanel my excess energy into my creative pursuits. She truly is a legened.

And Rosie, a gem given to me from the Perfect Imagination boards and knows more detailed knowledge about Harry Potter than the lexicon. She deserves a huge thanks and a hug too!

To J.K.Rowling, the person to whom I owe the greatest thanks for inspiring me. Her contribution to modern day literature is truly admirable and I respect her so much for what she has achieved. I hope that the characters I have created aren't to different from hers.

**What now? I hear you ask. Hasn't the tension yet to be resolved? For those of you who just can't stand it there is a treat in store entitled "Sleeping with Ghosts." I'll see you over there xxx**


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